Never Use Shadow Clones to do Your Paper Work
by gentlemankitsune
Summary: Arranged marriage: the concept of being engaged and married to your partner without having known the person beforehand. A concept usually applied only to the lords and ladies of the elemental nations, but not the Ninja. Never the Ninja. Too risky. Too dangerous. Suffice to say, Minato was a very trusting man as he lived. Too trusting. Forced Harem. Yugito Temari Fu Mei Kurotsuchi
1. the very stupid idea

Never use shadow clones to do paperwork

**AN/ I never did like the concept of Naruto suddenly being surrounded by women who all have romantic interest after a dopey speech or two, and are all completely okay with sharing him.**

**So this is my response to that.**

Konoha, 14 ½ years before present time

The secret got out.

A secret that should have remained secret.

But didn't.

The secret that Minato Namikaze was married to one Kushina Uzumaki, and that they were expecting a male child.

It doesn't matter who leaked it. Or what leaked it. Or how it was leaked.

It only matters that it did get leaked.

And as soon it happened, all the Elemental Nations had heard it.

The secret.

The secret that really should have remained secret.

00000000

Village hidden in clouds, a week later

"Raikage-sama!"

Ai looked up from lifting his weights to see at his secretary, Mabui, appear slightly out of breath and more than a little rattled.

He quirked a brow "yes?"

"I have urgent news. It appears that Minato Namikaze is expecting a child with a woman named Uzumaki Kushina."

Ai's eyes grew wide with surprise. This was big news indeed. Whenever a kage secured a progeny, they usually kept it a secret until at least they were old enough to be enrolled as a shinobi, for safety reasons of course. But knowing that there's a kage who had a vulnerable, political bombshell of a child currently being made meant that there was a new dynamic to be had.

"How reputable is the source?"

"Very reputable."

A secured progeny is extremely important information, but it opened up many pathways of action. It really boiled down to what Ai was going to with the information.

He could send assassins to kill the woman and the child in an effort to strike at the fourth hokage's heart. However, that plan was doomed to failure. Even his best assassins would never be able to make it into Konoha, find a woman based only on her name, and kill her; especially due to the fact that she has known relations with the Yellow Flash.

Not only that, but if it was ever found out that Cloud did send assassins, it could mean another war, a war that they weren't prepared to fight yet.

A war that he didn't have the allies for.

Allies.

Wait.

This could be a golden opportunity for Cloud and Leaf to enter an alliance. The war that had just ended had been a stalemate with all sides conceding to a peace-treaty. There was a lot of animosity between the leaf and the cloud at the moment, but Ai could use the information of the Namikaze child to his and the cloud's benefit.

"Mabui, get me an arranged marriage document!" Ai yelled with great gusto all at once.

Mabui, who was standing there watching him think for a solid minute, suddenly stood straight at attention and gave a quick "yessir."

Amongst a population of trained assassins, saboteurs, and spies; one would think that an arranged marriage between two such ninjas of opposing sides would lead to disaster. But Ai had met and battled with Minato on the battlefield more than once. He was a shrewd, cunning, and very powerful man, but most of all, he was kind. Not in the sense that he hesitated to kill, but in the sense that he only killed to protect the people of the leaf village. If there was an event that could tie the two nations together in peace and harmony, Minato would probably accept it.

Now came an equally hard part.

Who was he going to get to give consent that their daughter be married off to a ninja of another nation, a nation that they don't have that best of relationships with?

It had to be within the kage bloodline, that much was for certain. Anything less would be an insult to the hokage.

However, Ai lacked very many female family members.

Ai lacked very many female family members that were nearly newborn.

Ai thought for a moment and snapped his fingers in a way that one could construe he had an idea.

Yugito Nii.

His brother-in-law's daughter.

She wasn't directly related to him, but she was a Jinchuuriki. That was just as good, if not better. She was also 14, but he didn't have much of any other choices.

'This is a great plan.' Ai thought, as he began to sign the information of the marriage on the document that Mabui given him

00000000

Village hidden sand, same time

"And how reputable is this information?" a man with the garb of a kage spoke to a trembling subordinate.

"Very reputable, sir."

The kage for the village hidden in sand sat in thought for a while. While Sand and Konoha hadn't fought together or against each other in any grand scale fights, Sand was still considered one of the weaker ninja villages. The fact that the Hokage was having a child could be used to create an ally that would bolster the military clout of the hidden sand village.

It was a good thing that he had a daughter who was two years old at the moment. Although he wasn't very sure about the prospects of using his daughter for a bargaining chip in political struggle, he had to think of the good of the village and her people.

"Get me an arranged marriage document." He said coldly.

00000000

The village hidden in stones, same time

"And how reputable is this information?" a very short man with the garb of a kage spoke to his secretary

"Very reputable, sir."

The very short man sat in silence for an extremely long time, obviously in thought.

The third shinobi war had been tremendously horrible for their side of the conflict. Well, the war had been horrible for everyone included in the fighting, but it had been particularly horrible for them.

The yellow flash had single handedly decimated about 1000 iwa shinobi, which caused Onoki to create the treaty between them that had just been approved. But even if there was peace between them at the moment, there was a lot of bad feelings involved against Konoha at the moment, and vice versa.

The feelings of hatred that the deaths of many of their shinobi were extremely strong. Strong enough that Onoki knew that war would eventually break out between them again. He had been through every single shinobi world war and had no want to be involved in another.

An arranged marriage between the fourth's son and his granddaughter could potentially create an environment where they would eventually get over their hate of each other. Even if it would be a slow process.

Mostly because the child in question wasn't even born yet, and his granddaughter was only two.

"Get me an arranged marriage document."

"Sir?"

"Just do it"

00000000

The village hidden in mist, same time

"And how accurate is this information?" a short man with a scar running down one said to his spymaster.

"Very, sir"

The fourth mizukage gave the spymaster a blank look.

And remained in that position until the spymaster felt uneasy enough to back slowly away from his commander in chief.

One would have to feel extremely uneasy to even think of do something like that.

'He seems different lately' the spymaster thought to himself, as he went back to his daily work.

00000000

The village hidden in waterfalls, same time

"Is this information accurate" the jonin-in-command said to a chunin.

"Yes it is"

The non-descript man sat in silence for a short while

"Get me an arranged marriage document, this could be our chance to secure a position amongst the big five."

"Y-Yessir!" the chunin gave a nervous and slightly louder-than-it-should-have-been reply once he realized the significance of his task.

00000000

Konoha, 14 years before present time

Minato felt really smart at the moment.

No, he didn't just feel smart, he felt like he was a genius, a god in man's clothes.

Why? A reasonable question.

He just found out the best use of shadow clones known to man.

Eradicating the scourge that all battle hardened veterans with years of experience on the battlefield had to face at one point or another.

Paperwork.

Why is paperwork the scourge of all battle hardened veterans with years of experience on the battlefield? Another good question.

Because meticulously looking through documents, bills, new laws, etc. was just not in the hardwiring of people who survived by making split second decisions that saved their lives and the lives of their compatriots.

And so, he sat back to bask in his brilliance as we watched four different shadow clones work through said paper work. He knew the backlash was going to be a bitch, but at the moment, he just did not care.

He should have cared, as all four of the clones signed a different marriage document at the same time.

When he received the memories, he would just vaguely remember making peace separately with all of the other villages, and brush it off as a delusion as he went to nurse his headache.

And that children, is why you never use shadow clones to do your paperwork. As one child would soon find out the hard way.

Omake 1:

Kushina could feel the lump of her 4 month old pregnancy kick her hand as it rested on her belly.

She giggled in uncontained exuberance. She had been excited beyond belief when she found out that she was going a mother, and even at home when there was nothing happening, she was always smiling contently to herself.

Because she was going to be a mother! And she was going to be the most kick-ass mother in the entire fucking world!

She continued to smile down at the lump that her hand was resting on, when she felt something that worried her. It was like a vibration coming from her belly, kind of like the unborn child was shivering.

Kushina had been briefed on all the stuff about pregnancy, but had never heard of anything like pre-baby shivers. So she immediately got up to go to the hospital to check it out, out of fear that something might be wrong with Naruto.

When she got there and had all the tests that she could possibly go through to convince her that nothing was wrong with the child, she made her way back home and concluded that the whole baby shiver thing must have been her imagination.

**AN/ you probably know what I'm getting at, at this point. The concept of the story is basically 'What would happen if Naruto was suddenly married to 5 kunoichi who all didn't know him, hated his guts, or detested the marriage for putting them in a situation that they suddenly became sister wives to each other.'**

**This story is planned to be a comedy-romance-drama. It's kind of hard to balance all those concepts, but I don't think that this story could have been written any other way.**

**Mei won't appear immediately, and she won't have much of a presence in the first couple of chapters. But I do mean to make her a big part of the story.**


	2. the calm

Chapter 2

Iwagakure no sato, kage tower, present time

"Why do I have to look over the chunin candidates?" the sour, old kage mumbled.

"You know the answer to that" his secretary answered.

"There weren't even any iwa genin participating"

"Well there were a lot of interesting genin that participated according to the information we got."

"The chunin exams didn't even finish! Konoha got attacked midway through!" the kage said, raising his voice.

The secretary looked at him sternly. "Stop trying to get out of work, it's important to know what cards your rival has."

Onoki sighed. "Fine, fine. What _interesting_ genin participated in the exams?"

She handed him the files

"Dismissed." He said off-handedly

She walked out of the kage office.

Onoki sighed again. 'Let's see, the Sabaku children? One didn't fight, one got outsmarted, and the other is a psychopathic Jinchuuriki. An Aburame, didn't fight. The _prestigious_ Uchiha, got his ass handed to him. A Nara, outsmarted the Sabaku female and gave up right after. A sound ninja, didn't even show up. A genius Hyuuga beaten to the ground by a nobody Uzumaki.'

Wait.

That last name sounded familiar.

Onoki struck a thinking pose.

He then got up with a speed that no one would expect from and old man just over 4 ft. tall, and flew out the door, into the hallway, and into another room marked 'filed documents.'

It was a rather large room.

However, Onoki knew exactly which date to look for.

October 10th, the day that the Kyuubi attacked Konoha, killed the Yellow Flash, his wife, and his child.

It was a few days later that news reached Iwa and the document that detailed the arranged marriage between his granddaughter, Kurotsuchi, and the as of yet unnamed child of Namikaze Minato was filed, and meant to be forgotten in the expansive 'filed documents' room.

He found the offending document with little difficulty.

It read thusly:

_I, Onoki the third Tsuchikage, would like to offer a peace treaty between Konoha and Iwa._

_This peace treaty is to be facilitated by the marriage of my granddaughter and your unborn son, in an effort to bring together our two villages and to eventually break the hatred that both of our villages feel for each other._

(Minato's response)

_I would love nothing more than peace between our villages. And even if I am slightly shocked that you would suggest the marriage between your granddaughter and my child in order to achieve it, I wholeheartedly agree to it._

_After all, the only thing that can break down hatred is love._

Onoki snorted at that last line.

After that page was the page that detailed the whole thing, which included the biological birth names of both the parents and children, any medical things that might be important, and the actual marriage form signed by Minato Namikaze. At the bottom, it noticed Onoki that a copy would be kept in Konoha as well.

He then flew back to his kage room, and looked at the picture of the Uzumaki child.

'That kid's a carbon copy of the fourth! Not only that, but he holds the last name of the woman that was pregnant with him! We should have noticed that!'

Onoki then looked over at the details of the marriage document form.

'Assuming that this kid really is the child of Minato, then the document is still valid!'

Leaf was still weak from the attack from sand and sound, but there were rumors that they were going to get Tsunade of the legendary Sannin to lead it to prosperity again.

'And Iwa is going to be right next to them when they do,'

Onoki smirked

He flew out of the office again. On his way out, he said. "Get me Kurotsuchi and Akatsuchi" to the secretary working at the desk on the lower floor.

"Yessir."

00000000

Village of Sand, filed documents room, present time

Baki was acting as the stand-in kage.

And as per his duty as stand-in kage, he had to look over the filed documents from the past.

It was a huge pain in the ass as he was forced to do some of the most mind-numbing work in the world.

But his eyes suddenly narrowed from their previous bored states.

'Uzumaki? I've heard that name before.'

Baki then got up to look at to look at the list of chunin candidates in an effort to prove his suspicions true.

00000000

Village of clouds, kage's desk

Ai looked at the chunin candidates list

'Uzumaki?'

"Mabui!" he shouted, without looking up

She ran into the room as soon as she heard him shout

"Yes?"

"Get me the document detailing the arranged marriage between Yugito Nii and the child of Minato Namikaze."

"Sir?"

"Now!"

"Y-Yessir"

00000000

Village of waterfalls, village leader's tower, present time

Shibuki was going over the chunin candidates list.

'Uzumaki Naruto? I could have sworn I saw that name somewhere in the 'filed documents' room.'

He went up to check, just to confirm his suspicions.

00000000

Gates of Konoha, present time

"ACHOOO!" a sneeze rang out from the mouth of blond haired teenager

"You okay brat? That's the fourth time in a row." A particularly busty female said with slight concern.

"He's okay. Someone's just thinking about him." An extremely tall and weirdly garbed male said.

"Or some people." A woman with black hair and a pig in her arms added in.

"Oh, I know! Sakura-chan just realized how awesome I am, and just can't stop thinking about me." Naruto said in triumph.

Tsunade leveled questioning gaze to Jiraya "Sakura-chan?"

"The girl that he's been harboring wood for" he replied.

"Shut up Pervy-Sage." The teen remarked.

"Stop calling me that!"

"Stop being a damn pervert!"

"Shut up both of you! We're at the gates!" Tsunade shouted

They both gave a meek, synchronized "okay" and went to the gate guards to show them their papers.

After that Tsunade said that she was going to the tower to get acquainted with the responsibilities of the kage before her inauguration, Shizune followed her, while Jiraya said something about doing 'research.'

'Fucking perv.' Naruto mentally remarked.

It had been a _long_ couple of weeks and Naruto wanted nothing more than to just eat some ramen, take a shower, and pass out in his bed.

Naruto made to get to Ichiraku ramen, when he saw a girl standing in the middle of the road looking all around her with a bewildered expression on her face.

She was dark-skinned, had lime-green hair, and wore a mesh torso cover, as well as mesh shorts. Over that was a white halter top with the midriff exposed, and a white battle skirt. She also had the symbol for a village that looked vaguely familiar on the forehead protector on her arm.

Naruto walked up to her. "Hey, are you lost."

She looked at him with a small amount of shock on her face. "Oh! Uh, no. I was just taking it all in."

"The village?" he asked

"Yeah, I've never been out of waterfall before. So this is just…" she seemed at a loss for words.

"New?"

"Yeah, new."

"Well if you want, I could show you around the village." Although he only wanted to mind his own business and do some relaxing by himself, his conscience didn't feel comfortable knowing that he let an unknown shinobi wander around Konoha.

"Really? I couldn't do that, you're probably busy."

"I just got back from a mission, so I'm free. Plus, I can't stand the idea that someone doesn't know the heaven that is Ichiraku ramen." She looked at him with wide eyes and looked lost for words for a second.

"… Well, if you insist"

"I do!" he then began walking in the direction to the said ramen stand, with her right next to him.

"You have a name?" he asked.

"Fu."

"Nice to meet you Fu, I'm Naruto Uzumaki." He said with his trademarked foxy smile.

00000000

Hokage Tower

Tsunade was confused.

As was Shizune.

As was Tonton.

The reason for her confusion stemmed from the fact there was a man waiting patiently in the chair opposite the Hokage desk, while a jonin with a pineapple haircut and a scar on his nose searched leisurely through a filing cabinet.

"Hello?" she ventured.

She got the attention of the man with the pineapple haircut. "Who are you?"

"Tsunade of the Sannin."

His face morphed into one of surprise.

"Hello Tsunade-sama, I'm Shikaku Nara. I'm in charge of external affairs in the case that the kage is either predisposed or dead." He said with a formal bow.

"Okay, well I'm here in order to get accustomed to the job of Hokage."

"I'll get Hiruzen's secretary for you, she'll tell you all you need to know."

"Okay."

He walked out of the room.

That just left her, Shizune, Tonton, and the man in the chair in a slightly awkward silence.

"So, who are you?" She asked brusquely.

Shibuki started. "Oh! I uh- I'm Shibuki, leader of the village hidden in waterfalls." He replied nervously.

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "So why are you here?"

"I just came to confirm an agreement that was formed a while ago. But apparently Nara-san cannot find it his half of the agreement."

Shikaku Nara came in just the next moment with the secretary behind him.

"Well, I hope that you get everything sorted out." Tsunade said as she followed the secretary out of the doorway, with Shizune and Tonton in tow.

Shikaku looked at Shibuki "I couldn't find the marriage form anywhere recent, but it could be in the archives somewhere. However, it could take a while to find it. Why do you need the document anyway?"

"Because I believe that the son of the fourth is still alive."

Now Shikaku was thoroughly surprised.

"Really? Well whether or not that's true, it could take days to find the paper. Do you have a hotel somewhere?" Shikaku asked. Although he didn't believe Shibuki for one second, he still had an obligation to please any important dignitaries. Even if he did show up out of nowhere with absolutely no forewarning.

"Yes. It's at the Burning Leaf."

"You might want to check yourself in."

Shibuki and Shikaku left with a chunin escorting Shibuki to his hotel and Shikaku leaving to form a search party for that unknown document that apparently existed.


	3. before

Chapter 3

Konoha, Ichiraku ramen

Ayame didn't know what to make of the situation unfolding in front of her eyes.

First Naruto shows up with a foreign kunoichi, he then orders large amounts of ramen, and now they're eating the ramen faster than she can serve it up.

They literally eat the ramen faster than it takes for her to put her ladle in a pot, dump the contents in a bowl, and add the extra ingredients; like pork, or shrimp.

It was simultaneously disgusting and intriguing to watch.

Not only that, but they were having a slightly comprehensible conversation.

"So what… village are… you from" Naruto said, while taking breaks in between chunks of words to slurp up ramen.

"The village… hidden… in waterfalls." she replied

"So that's… what you… meant... when you… said… waterfall."

"You… thought I was… from just… a random… waterfall… in the…wilderness?" she gave a light laugh. How she managed to do this without completely clogging up her windpipe would remain a mystery forever.

"Well… I've never… heard of… hidden waterfall." He said in indignation

"We share… a border."

"I… never… paid attention… in class."

She gave another light laugh "neither… did I."

They both laughed this time.

"So… why are… you here?"

"No… idea… leader-sama… just requested… I come… with him." Well, more like ordered

"That's… strange."

"Yeah… it is."

Naruto and Fu put down their chopsticks at the same time. Evidently both were full, much to Ayame's relief, as she didn't know how long she was going to be able to keep up.

Ayame then thought that it was _now_ the time to tease her little brother figure, seeing as she wasn't running around the kitchen like a chicken with its head cut off.

"So Naruto, who's your date?"

They both turned a healthy shade of red and began spouting out denials in gibberish.

At that moment in time, Ayame decided that it was really fun being her.

Especially when she brought the check.

They both immediately stopped trying to deny being on a date with each other, and promptly began arguing over who was going to pay the bill.

"You're the man, you have to pay." She crossed her arms and huffed

"We're not on a date, the same rules don't apply." He deadpanned

"Well- I uhhhh- left my money at Waterfall." She said nervously

"That is so obviously a lie, and plus, you are a foreign kunoichi in a village that is showing great hospitality by taking you to a ramen restaurant."

Fu then tried to come up a response, but was unable to. She dejectedly began taking her money out.

Naruto would have let her, if not for the fact that she seemed genuinely… angry, or frustrated. Not the kind of anger that came from picking the short stick and paying for a meal. Just a… different kind of anger. Like an anger at the world.

"Well, uh, we could split the bill" he got out nervously.

Her eyes brightened up "Really?"

"Yeah." He took out his gama-chan, and put the required bills on the table, she then put her bills on the table, right beside his.

The sun was beginning to set.

"Oh! I have to show you something really cool." He said excitedly

"I don't know, it's getting kind of dark…"

"A visit to leaf would not be complete without this."

"What is it?"

"A surprise, but we have to be quick."

He got out of his seat, and motioned Fu to follow him.

00000000

Kage tower, 'filed documents' room

"And this is the 'filed documents' room, it's where all past documents, from bills and laws, to mission reports are archived." The secretary told Tsunade.

"Why is this here? Doesn't it seem kind of like a waste of space to keep meaningless documents around?" Tsunade asked. She also idly noticed that it seemed to be bustling with activity.

"They're mostly kept for future references, like if new information comes to light about a previous mission."

"Is it usually this lively?"

"No, they must be looking for a specific document and don't have any idea as to its whereabouts."

Tsunade walked up to a random auxiliary shinobi that was looking through documents in a nearby filing cabinet. "Which document are you looking for?"

The shinobi didn't look up. "A document that specifies the marriage between the dead son of the Fourth and a Jinchuuriki from Waterfall."

Her eyebrows rose in surprise. "Is there any reason to do that?"

"Shibuki-sama, apparently said that he has reason to believe that the fourth's son is alive and that the contract was still valid."

Tsunade didn't know the fourth very well. She interacted with him from time to time, seeing as he was the student of her teammate. But didn't really care for him, that's not to say that she didn't like him, she just didn't _know_ him. So when she heard that he had died from the Kyuubi attack along with his wife and son, she was saddened slightly, but it didn't bother her greatly.

"Has this been… confirmed?"

"We don't know yet, he won't tell us until we procure the document."

"Does Jiraya know about this yet?" If someone had reason to believe that the Fourth's son was alive, it would make sense to notify him. Seeing as he was the teacher to the Fourth

"No. There hasn't been time, and we're short on manpower as it is. That, and the fact that we have no idea where he is at the moment."

She knew where he was.

And if she found him there doing what she thought that he was doing, she was going to make sure that he suffered divine retribution. After that, if he was still alive, she had to tell him about the suspicions about the fourth's son being alive.

She looked at the secretary. "That's the end of the hokage's duties, correct?"

She gave a nod.

"Good, then in that case I'm going to go inflict blunt force trauma on my teammate." Tsunade then walked briskly out of the kage filing room in search of said teammate.

00000000

Naruto didn't know what to make of Fu.

She seemed almost surprised that he even talked to her when they first met and had a personality that spoke of meekness. But she quickly opened up, and produced a happy-go-lucky attitude and an affable personality.

And there was also that expression of complete anger that she adopted when he argued her into paying for the meal.

She was strange.

But he could hardly judge or persecute her for that fact, not with the ninja that he hung around with on a daily basis.

They reached a set of stairs that led up to the hokage monument.

"We're allowed up here?" Fu asked incredulously. She thought it was just a decoration, albeit a really fucking huge and imposing decoration.

"Yeah, although practically no one comes up here."

"Why?"

"I have no clue."

She deadpanned, and he laughed.

When they did reach the summit, she audibly gasped.

The view.

That view of the sunset was the most beautiful thing that she had ever seen in her life. The huge tree at the center of the village hidden in waterfalls was picturesque, but while the tree's setting seemed like a painting, the sunset seemed like an explosion of beauty.

The way that the orange and pinks of the sky marked the big, fat, and lazy looking clouds. The way that the forest looked almost like it was on fire with the reflection of the sun glancing off of it. The view of the bustling metropolis that was Konohagakure. They all combined to make a picture worthy of admiration.

She could also see the damage from the Sound-Sand invasion, but pushed that thought to the back of her mind for now.

"I make an awesome tour guide, don't I?" Naruto said with his arms crossed and his head held high.

"You took me to a ramen stand and the top of the monument, that's not really a tour of the village."

He deflated a bit and sat down to enhance his visage of dourness.

She bent over close to his face, closed her eyes, and procured a large smile. "But this _is_ great" she added.

He inflated back up with happiness at her remark.

They watched until the sun set completely.

"Do you need an escort back to your hotel?" He asked.

"If you wouldn't mind…" She had been to the hotel to put her stuff away, but after her traipse across Konoha, she didn't think that she be able to easily find her way back.

"Of course not, it's the job of the host ninja to look after the foreign ninja."

"Says the guy who made us split the bill at the ramen stand." She added smartly.

He started to fumble for an excuse.

"But don't worry about it" she added quickly "It's fine. I'm staying at the Eastern Dragon."

"Oh! I know where that is." Konoha was an extremely large village, even in comparison to other, non-ninja villages. So it was lucky that he knew the position of the hotel, and that was only because the hotel was known for being so prestigious.

He then started to lead her back to said hotel.

When they reached the Konoha Proper, she noticed something that she had ignored before.

The stares.

The whispers.

The things that she hated the most in the world were appearing before her again.

When she first came to Konoha, she was astounded by the looks that got.

There were stares, there were whispers. She could feel them on her at all times.

But they weren't born out of caution, they weren't there because she was a reminder to the people about all of the family members and friends who died because of the seven-tailed beetle. They were there because she was a foreign ninja wandering around Konoha.

It was the most liberating feeling that she had ever felt.

But now, and even a little bit before now, she noticed that they were back. The looks of caution, the looks of sorrow, and the whispers that she couldn't hear, but she knew that they were about her. They were back.

It left her confused and sad and angry.

But then she looked at Naruto, and looked at the side of his earnest face, and she didn't feel so mad anymore. Fu didn't know why the people were looking at her like that again, but it comforted her to know that there was at least one person who didn't seem to mind her. If fact, he seemed to really like spending time with her.

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed that Fu was staring at him, facing her, he asked "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." The stare that Fu had directed towards him was devoid of much, if any emotion. As she was rather conflicted at the moment, and put up her emotional mask to avoid any unpleasant conversations about conflicted feeling appearing on her face.

"…If you say so." Being stared at emotionlessly was another tic that he added to her list of strange behavior.

He led her back to her hotel and bid her goodbye.

When he made it home, he fell asleep the moment he fell on his bed.

00000000

Tsunade was looking at a puddle of a man.

A man who had bruises, welts, cuts, and even snake bites was floating face-up in a hot spring.

Tsunade was looking at a puddle of a man through a distinctly man-shaped hole that coincidentally was the dividing wall of the female's side of the hot spring resort.

'I pity the man who has to clean up the pool.' She thought, showing absolutely no concern for her dying teammate.

But it was a good life lesson for Jiraya, who for all intents and purposes now felt like exactly what he looked like.

A puddle of a man.

'Note to self – never peep on kunoichi EVER again'

He got up and out of pool, laid by the side of the spring, and began to feel sorry for himself.

Tsunade stepped through the man-shaped hole in wall.

"Get up, I have something important to tell you." She had her professional tone out, signifying that she was going to tell him something important and that she wasn't in the mood for any bullshit.

His speed at standing up was very slow.

"Shibuki from the hidden waterfall believes that the son of the Fourth is alive."

He turned still as stone mid-stand

"O-Oh, and why would he think that?" he questioned nervously, with a hand scratching at the back of his head and a sheepish grin on his face.

Wait. He knew something.

"What do you know?" she asked.

"I don't kn-"

"What do you know?" this wasn't a question from a friend, it was a command from a kage.

He looked around, and she noticed that he extended his chakra sensory vision to make sure that they were alone.

After nodding to himself, he said "Naruto is the son of the Fourth."

"What!?"

"You were going to be told when you were inaugurated, it's kind of a secret. But more importantly, why does Shibuki think that? Was there an information leak?"

"He said that he won't tell us what he knows until we get a specific document from the 'files room'."

"Did he say which document?"

"The document pertaining to the arranged marriage between the son of Fourth and their Jinchuuriki."

Jiraya's eyes bugged out of his head.

"What!"

Tsunade adorned a surprised look.

"Didn't Minato tell you? The marriage of his son is kind of an important thing to tell the godfather."

"He told me nothing. Are you sure that the document is legitimate?" Jiraya was talking frantically now, making all the hand gestures that he could with deadly snake neurotoxin permeating his veins.

"They're acting like it is."

"Who's _they_?"

"The shinobi in charge of external affairs."

"Fuck! If they find that the document is legitimate, which I don't think it is, and have proof that Naruto is the son of the Fourth, and go through with the wedding, the secret will get out."

They both stopped talking as they processed the information.

"Well you know what you have to do now? Don't you?" she asked.

"Tell him the truth of his heritage?"

"Seems we think alike."

"Shit! He wasn't supposed to find out until he was older."

"Why?"

"Because if word got out that he's the son of the Fourth, he would get put into the bingo book immediately."

"But why didn't you just tell him and him alone?"

"I couldn't trust him to keep his mouth shut about it."

Silence again fell upon the two of them.

It was a surreal sight, the next Hokage talking about matters of grave importance in an onsen, to a man who looked like he needed immediate medical attention.

Tsunade walked up to him and did some rudimentary healing.

"This is a really fucked up situation." He said

"Which one? The thing about the marriage and Naruto? Or the fact that I'm healing a godforsaken pervert in an onsen?"

"Both."

She shared his sentiments.

00000000

Meanwhile, at the gates

Gate guards Izumo and Kotetsu were getting ready for the night-shift, when they heard the sounds of talking.

"Why won't you tell us why we're here?!" an agitated teenage male voice sounded out.

"Because I don't want you to get worked up over nothing." Came a cooler, older male voice.

A man wearing the official sand-jonin garb walked into view, along with the three Sabaku children.

This immediately put them on guard. Even if the peace treaty between the two nations was being seriously considered, they were still considered enemies of the state. The only reason that they weren't being engaged in conflict stemmed from the fact that they were walking serenely and seemingly without a care in the world up to the gate guards.

Baki walked up to them and said "I'm here as acting-kazekage and have matters of extreme importance to discuss with the village leader."

They nodded in unison, both wide-eyed and scared shitless.

Kotetsu made a motion to a shadow on the wall, which revealed a hidden ANBU operative.

"She'll show you to the mansion." The ANBU nodded at the group of four, and began to lead the way.

Kotetsu wasn't sure if he made the right call when he did that, because there were no guidelines to go by when a foreign kage shows up at the gates unannounced.

Not fifteen minutes went by when they caught sight of a different group, this one composed of two very large and imposing dark-skinned men, and one slight, fair skinned woman.

She had an agitated look on her face.

It appeared that they had recently been having an argument

The larger of the two men walked up to them.

They both almost shit their pants when they realized who he was. The imposing stature, slicked back blond hair, straight goatee and mustache, and extremely stern demeanor gave him away. It also didn't help that he was wearing his kage robes.

'The fucking Raikage!' they both unknowingly thought simultaneously.

"I need to have an emergency meeting with the Hokage." Ai said gruffly.

They both looked at each other. Both expecting the other to come up with a plan of action.

Leaf and Cloud weren't on the best of terms. In fact if Konoha ninjas found a Cloud ninja inside their city, they would do their best to capture, interrogate, and execute the spy, because he or she would most definitely be a spy, because he or she would never have been let in in the first place.

But, again, there were no guidelines for when a kage of another village shows up without warning and cordially asks to see the acting kage.

So Izumo finally gave out a shaky "I'll escort you to the tower."

Ai nodded and began to follow Izumo with Yugito and Bee walking behind.

Izumo wasn't actually supposed to leave his post, but without any ANBU operatives to show them the way, he was given little choice.

Not ten minutes later, another group of three showed up.

There was a huge and imposing teenager with a happy look on his face, an averaged height female with a mischievous smirk on her face, and an extremely small old man with a look of exasperation on his face. All with the mark of Iwa on them somewhere.

Kotetsu fainted.

Luckily, by this time the ANBU operative was back, which was good, since it meant that the Sand diplomats really were just there to talk to the Hokage, and not wreak havoc across the village.

She just sighed and motioned for the three confused shinobi to follow her.

Omake 2

Tsunade was grinning like a moron, had a stream of blood rushing down her nose, and was excitedly writing down her findings in her notebook.

She was also crouched up in a tree, and was taking turns looking into a spyglass into the steamy male side of the onsen.

Tsunade had never particularly liked looking into the male side of the onsen out of perverse pleasure, mostly because the one onsen that she looked into had been civilian in nature, and the males didn't exactly take care of themselves the way that shinobi did.

But this onsen. This onsen was different. It was chock full of young, charismatic, well-built, and very affectionate male shinobi.

She had never known the pleasure of looking at scantily clad, attractive males, while writing down her findings into her little notebook.

She heard a shuffling in a tree across from her, which scared her into accidentally shuffling in her tree, creating a sound that carried to the first tree.

Everything stilled for a second, until she trepidatiously removed the leaves obscuring her vision to look into the eyes of Jiraya, who was doing the same with his tree.

The tree that he was on had a perfect view of the female side of the baths.

They both stared at each other for a good thirty seconds without either side knowing what to do. Until Jiraya slowly retracted the leaves and obscured her sight of him once again. After he was fully gone from her vision, she pulled her leaves back into place as well and continued with her perversions.

It appeared that they two Sannin had finally reached a point of understanding.


	4. the storm

Chapter 4

Naruto's apartment 10:00

Naruto was sleeping soundly.

Was.

The reason that he _was_ sleeping soundly stemmed from the fact that he is now awake.

Woken up by Jiraya, who was still bleeding profusely, even after receiving medical treatment from Tsunade.

He didn't immediately recognize Jiraya. It was dark. So all he saw was a huge bear of a man, who was covered in blood, shaking him from his deep slumber.

Unsurprisingly he didn't take it too well.

"WHAT THE FUUUCK!"

Naruto immediately jumped away from his bed, and onto a nearby wall, which he clung onto with chakra.

Jiraya jumped back to hit the flip on the light switch.

The reason he didn't do that in the first place was because he wanted to wake Naruto up quietly and gently, hoping to create a safe environment in order to tell him the secret of his family.

That didn't exactly work the way he hoped as evident by the fact that Naruto was currently clinging to a wall whilst breathing extremely heavily.

"Pervy-sage!?" Naruto asked "what are you doing here? Is everything alright? Why are you injur-" Naruto stopped his rapid-fire question asking when Jiraya put up his hand with his palm facing Naruto.

The universal symbol for 'shut the fuck up.'

"I have something to tell you, sit down."

Naruto fell from the wall to land on his bed.

"What's wrong? What happened to you?"

He was seriously getting scared.

"Oh! I just got caught peeking on woman in a bathhouse." Jiraya smiled, closed his eyes, and started rubbing the back of his head.

The universal symbol for nervousness.

"YOU FUCK, I ALMOST HAD A FUCKING HEART ATTACK"

Jiraya's face morphed to dead seriousness in an instant.

"I have something to tell you, sit down." He repeated.

Naruto sat down on his bed, grumbling all the way.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Well?" Naruto asked

Jiraya was trying to figure out the best way to tell Naruto. The situation came as a surprise for both of them.

"I have something very serious to tell you, and I want you to take this seriously as well."

"Okay, I will. What is it?" Naruto was starting to get impatient, and he was still very cranky after getting woken up in such strange manner.

"…"

"Not this again" Naruto complained about Jiraya's quietness

"What do you know about the Fourth?" he asked suddenly.

"The Fourth? Uuhhh, he killed a lot of people in the third shinobi war, his nickname was the Yellow Flash, and he sealed the Kyuubi inside of me"

"Anything else?"

"He was really awesome?"

"When he sealed the Kyuubi inside of you, he was expecting a child with a woman named Uzumaki Kushina."

"Okay, so?"

"She shares your last name…"

"Well there a lot of Uzumaki in Konoha right?"

In class, the students were taught about the Uzumaki clan, who were known to be extremely good at sealing techniques, and also extremely close allies to the hidden leaf. So close in fact that there's a spiral on the back of Konoha flak jackets to commemorate them. Even though Uzushiogakure was destroyed in the war, and the survivors were displaced, with the exceedingly close bonds between the villages, it was assumed by the students of the academy that there were at least _some_ Uzumaki living in the Hidden Leaf, even if they hadn't met any.

"Naruto, you're the last Uzumaki living in Konoha."

Naruto's eyes grew wide, then he got into a thinking a pose.

"No way." He whispered.

Jiraya produced a book out of his pocket, he opened it, and took out a picture that was inside.

The picture was of a blond man, who was smiling profusely and his equally smiling, very pregnant wife.

"These are your parents: Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki." Jiraya didn't want to present Naruto's father as 'The Fourth'. Too impersonal in his opinion. He introduced them as they were known by their friends and family.

Naruto fell silent.

"Why?" he croaked.

"Why what?"

"Why are you telling me this now?" a tear hit the picture that he was holding "Why am I just now learning this? WHY DID I GROW UP ALONE, THINKING THAT MY PARENTS DIDN'T WANT ME, DIDN'T LOVE ME?"

He started to sob fully now.

His sobbing was wracking his body with fits.

This was what Jiraya wanted to avoid, although he didn't truly think that he would be able to.

"Listen, kid. Your parents _loved_ you. Whenever Minato wrote me letters, there was always a page _devoted_ to you, about how he and Kushina _loved _you. What Minato did, he did not do lightly, and he always wanted you to grow up loved."

They sat in silence for a while. Naruto's sobbing started to stop.

"You didn't *hic* answer my question."

"Why now?" Jiraya asked rhetorically, referencing Naruto's original question. "There's a chance that something could happen that would reveal the secret of your lineage, and I wanted you to hear it from me before you could be told any other way."

"Why *hic* was it kept a secret?" his crying stopped completely, but there were still tears running down his face.

"If your lineage became public knowledge, you would immediately be put into the bingo book. Your parents wanted you safe above all else."

He became silent. They sat there for a while encompassed in silence and misery.

There was a knocking at the windowsill, outside was an ANBU operative.

He let himself in and announced "Tsunade-sama requests your audience." It was directed to Naruto.

Jiraya blanched.

"Is it…?" Jiraya asked vaguely

The operative nodded.

00000000

Academy administration, minutes before

Tsunade sleeps in the kage mansion.

After all it is the _kage_ mansion.

All kage's before her had lived there, and all kages after will live there.

So when her discussion with Jiraya ended, she went to kage mansion to get some rest.

When she got close to the mansion however, she was interrupted by a shinobi that told her Shikaku Nara needed her at the administrative section of the academy.

The place where she would do her duties as hokage on a daily basis.

Which led to her current situation.

Standing in front of Shikaku.

Who had a document in his hands.

A very official looking document.

"We found it." That's all he said.

"…"

"…"

"So I suppose we should tell Shibuki tomorrow?" she asked.

"That would make sense."

"…"

"…"

"Is that it?"

"Yes"

"…"

"…"

"Can I go home n-"

The secretary burst into the room and yelled "SHIKAKU-SAN"

He started "Yes?"

"The acting kazekage is here!" she said with a tone of confusion and desperation.

"Here? In the village?"

"Here, downstairs." Shikaku's eyes went wide. He was a man known for always looking into strategic events that could possibly take place. Knowing that there was a kage directly under him had never been a thought that had crossed his mind before.

"What's he want?"

"To talk to the acting hokage."

"…"

"…" the secretary stood around nervously, glancing at the two of them, not knowing what to do.

"So send him up!" he said with energy. An affliction not extremely present amongst the Nara clan.

"Y-Yes."

He could hardly blame her for her lack of knowledge of what to do.

After all, there weren't guidelines for these situations.

Baki stepped inside, leaving his delegation outside.

He looked at Tsunade, "Hokage-sama, I have something important to ask of you"

"Actually, I haven't been inaugurated yet. Shikaku-san" she motioned to Shikaku "is in charge of external affairs."

He looked at Shikaku, then back at Tsunade.

"This is important for both of you to hear." He decided.

'Fuck, I just want to go to sleep.' This was, strangely enough, thought by both Shikaku and Tsunade simultaneously.

"I believe that you have the sister document to this one." He pulled out a document.

A very official looking document.

Shikaku took it.

His eyes grew wide.

Tsunade took it from Shikaku.

Her eyes grew wide.

"What the fuck" this was, strangely enough, said by both Shikaku and Tsunade simultaneously.

"We need to contact Naruto and Shibuki-dono." Shikaku said.

He pointed to two shadows on the walls. ANBU melted out and went to complete their tasks.

"Did you find any documents that looked like this in when you were looking for that other one?" Tsunade asked Shikaku.

"No, we were looking for a document that mentioned the Jinchuuriki from waterfall, not the previous kazekage's daughter."

"Could you go find it?"

"I'll… try" he let out a mighty sigh, and walked out.

Baki doesn't really surprise easily.

But that doesn't mean he wasn't confused.

Because he was very confused.

Tsunade noticed his confusion. "I'm sorry, but you're going to have to wait until he returns"

He nodded.

He was, however, a very patient man.

When he brought up his suspicions to the Sand Council, a vote took place over whether or not bring this up with Konoha, and then a vote took place over whether or not to immediately go to Konoha in order to confirm the document.

The first vote was a landslide.

The second was close, but in the end, he was sent as acting-kage along with the Sabaku children.

He planned to only take Temari (who was the one mentioned in the document) but Gaara insisted in being taken along with them. And then Kankuro also expressed an interest in coming along with them.

Baki was being constantly bugged by Kankuro, and to a lesser extent, Temari on the way to Konoha. Luckily though, Gaara didn't express much concern with the actual mission, he mostly focused on his siblings, and their interactions with each other.

Baki reclined into his chair for the wait that was about to transpire.

00000000

Ai was very tempted to jump through the window to administration.

However, with the small amount of tact he had, he decided it would be a better idea to politely ask the secretary for an audience with the acting-hokage.

He, along with his entourage, followed the secretary up the stairs to the administration room. Where he noticed that there were three sand shinobi were standing outside of it.

Strange.

The secretary opened the door and announced his presence.

Shikaku also came down the hallway, and into the room, along with Ai.

They then had an exchange very similar to Baki's.

Jiraya showed up with a red-eyed Naruto and told him to stay outside.

Shikaku came out of the door again, and down the hallway, and into the 'filed documents' room.

Gaara looked at Naruto.

Naruto looked at Gaara.

Naruto was starting to get nervous

"Thanks" the monotonous voice of Gaara came out.

"Uuuhhh, for what?" Naruto said with a confused tone of voice.

"For showing me that I don't need to kill in order to reaffirm my existence. I never got to tell you how much you helped me out." Both Kankuro and Temari went wide-eyed.

'This is the guy who fixed Gaara?' they both thought.

"Now, I look after the people who are precious to me, my siblings" Gaara even smiled. It was an unpracticed, seemingly painful smile. But it was a smile nevertheless.

Naruto smiled back, and held out a fist. "It's no problem."

They bumped fists.

Kankuro and Temari stayed wide-eyed at the exchange taking place in front of them.

Naruto then noticed them. "Okay wait. Let me see if I have this right." He pointed at Kankuro, "You are… Kunkuro?"

"Kankuro" he said with a groan.

"Close enough, and you are… Temari? Right? I feel like I got that right."

"Yeah, I'm Temari."

Both Yugito and Bee looked at this with an eyebrow quirked, but both decided not to say anything out of accidentally offending the leaf shinobi and the sand shinobi. Already happened once and that almost started a way.

Usually Bee would jump into any situation with rhymes a-flowing, but thought better of it in this situation.

Then Shibuki and Fu showed up.

Fu was ordered to wait outside, who looked really disgruntled.

Her sleep was interrupted, she was cranky.

That crankiness went away when she saw that Naruto was outside as well.

Shibuki went inside the room to meet up with the other head powers.

"Fu? What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I don't know, a shinobi came in through our window and woke us up."

Fairly standard practice in the shinobi world.

"Are you okay?" she asked, noticing the redness of his eyes, indicating that he had been crying.

"Yeah, I was just told some pretty heavy stuff, that's all. Oh! Sorry, this is Gaara, Kankuro, and Temari." He pointed to each of them respectively.

"Hello, I'm Fu." She held out her hand to Gaara, who looked at it uncomfortably.

"He's not very good with strangers." Naruto whispered to her.

She changed the direction of her hand to Kankuro, who shook it, then Temari, who also shook it.

She looked at Yugito and Bee.

"Who are they?" she whispered to Naruto.

"No clue" he whispered back.

He decided to introduce himself "Hello, I'm Naruto Uzumaki."

Seeing no alternative, the woman replied. "I'm Yugito."

"And I am the mighty Kirabi!" Bee said enthusiastically and in rhyme.

They all introduced themselves to each other. Except for Gaara, who didn't like crowds, and was starting to feel uncomfortable.

Naruto noticed that Yugito and Bee were cloud shinobi. "So why are you guys here?" he asked bluntly.

A reasonable question that was unpleasantly phrased.

"We have no idea" Yugito bitterly responded. She had pestered Ai for the longest time on their trip to Konoha about it. Jinchuuriki would usually never be let out the village, but this case was apparently big enough that it warranted a double Jinchuuriki escort. But now, here she was, waiting outside a door for a diplomatic incident.

Needless to say, she wasn't in a good mood.

Naruto looked at Gaara, who shrugged awkwardly.

And then at Fu, who also shrugged.

"So none of us know why we're here?

No one answered.

At that moment, a short man flanked by an androgynous teenager, and a mountain of a man followed the female secretary into the hokage room, with the two escorts waiting outside with the rest of the entourages.

Shikaku also came around the hall, into the room, and almost immediately out of it.

"Do either of you know what's happening?" he asked bluntly.

They seemed shocked at first from the bluntness, but the androgynous one spoke up "No, I take it you don't either?"

"No."

Awkward silence fell upon them. Rock shinobi usually didn't particularly like Konoha shinobi, but the large one just had a childish look on his face, and the androgynous one just didn't seem to have any interest in conversing with either of them.

"So… I'm Fu, who are you two?" she asked.

Then a round of introductions happened. All except for Gaara, who felt even more uncomfortable.

"This is kind of surreal." Kankuro said "Ninja from 5 different nations just waiting outside a door, making small talk, not knowing what's going on. I don't think something like this has ever happened."

They all nodded in agreement. Indeed, nothing like this ever has happened.

Shikaku went into the room from the hall. Just after that, Jiraya poked his head through the doorway.

"Can you all come inside?"

00000000

The room was cramped.

Very cramped.

There wasn't supposed to be this many people in the room.

But there was now, because history was about to be made.

On the desk were 4 pairs of documents, all with the hokage stamp-of-approval.

Shikaku was making a Nara Thinking Pose© by the corner of the room. By the time everyone had filed into the room, he opened his eyes in realization.

"Jiraya, did Minato know the shadow clone technique?" Shikaku asked

Naruto slightly flinched at the mention of his father's name.

"He mentioned it vaguely in one of his letters"

"I think I know what happened."

Tsunade made a motion for him to continue.

"All of these documents were filed near each other, but also separate from each other. This doesn't make a lot of sense because of the nature of these documents one would assume that he would put them at least touching each other. There's also the fact that he _actually_ made these four documents. So my theory is that he used 4 different shadow clones to help with his paperwork, and they all signed a different form at the same general time. After each of his clones filed the documents, they all dispelled, and he forgot about the whole thing. It's an outlandish theory, but I can't think of any others that would make sense."

All the kage level shinobi nodded their heads (along with Shibuki), while the lower than kage level shinobi (sans Shibuki) just looked even more confused.

Tsunade then addressed the lower than kage level shinobi (sans Shibuki).

"About 14 years ago, news got out to the elemental nations that Minato Namikaze was having a child. 4 hidden villages each sent a peace treaty, independently of each other, that would be facilitated by an arranged marriage with the unborn child, which would be carried out once he became a chunin."

All of them had their eyes wide open. Naruto, while a little slow at times, had a slight understanding of what was going on.

She continued "He then accidentally signed all four of them independently, and promptly forgot about them."

Naruto's mouth was wide open. He was in complete and utter shock.

"T-These documents are…" He searched for the right word "Irrelevant, right?"

"On the contrary, they were all approved not thirty seconds ago." She smirked "Yugito Nii, Temari Sabaku, Kurotsuchi, and Fu. Say hello to your new husband, Naruto Uzumaki, son of Minato Namikaze."

Needless to say, the entire room erupted into chaos.

Omake 3:

"On the contrary, they were all approved not thirty seconds ago." She smirked "Yugito Nii, Temari Sabaku, Kurotsuchi, and Fu. Say hello to your new husband, Naruto Uzumaki, son of Minato Namikaze."

All the escorts that weren't involved in marriage looked like they had all been smacked in the face with a shovel.

The ones involved however…

Kurotsuchi seemed very excited. "Fucking score! I can't believe that I'll get to spend my whole life with the son of the man who killed a thousand of my village's shinobi. He's so hot and dreamy despite being 13. I want fuck him so much, and carry his children." She had stars in her eyes, indicating the pleasure that she took from the knowledge that she had obtained.

Naruto turned ashen in shock, and scooted away from her out of fear. Until he felt arms wrap around his torso from behind. Her stature marked her as Yugito.

"Hey little kitten. I know that we just met, but I think that I love you. Wanna fuck like cats in heat and give me a litter?" after saying what she needed to say, Yugito proceeded to blow into his ear.

At this point, Naruto was perceiving everything as a bad dream. He unwrapped her arms from his torso, and made to Tsunade, but was blocked by an outstretched war fan.

Temari leveled a lustful look at him. "I know this is sudden. But I'm voraciously in love with you, and I don't care if I have to share you with 3 other chicks, because I am going to fuck the wind out of your sails."

The obvious logical fallacy aside, Naruto turned to the only person that he felt like he could count on.

Fu.

She was looking on at the situation unfold with as much surprise as was. So he quickly ran to her side for some morsel of normality.

He felt safe-ish by her person until he felt a hand go into the waistband of his pants and reach for his manhood. She whispered in his ear. "I'll be your queen. So let's make some workers."

Naruto reeled away from her. He didn't even know what to do with the bug metaphor. All eyes were on him, all showing one emotion or another.

One would believe that being surrounded by females who only wanted to fuck the daylights out of one would be an extremely opportune event to happen to that person. But as Naruto looked at all his fiancée's various expressions of lust, the only emotion that came over Naruto was dread.

They advanced on him at the same time, all with thoughts on procreation.

Don't worry though. He'll learn to love it.


	5. the bickerings

Chapter 5

Kage administration

There were shouts and words of disbelief amongst the companions of the kages.

A tic mark appeared on Tsunade's forehead and her eyebrow twitched furiously.

"SHUT UP!" she yelled at all of them. "If you have any concerns… I would be willing to take them at the moment." She said quietly.

Tsunade would at least be fair and listen to their concerns.

"I refuse!" this concern came from none other than Naruto Uzumaki himself.

"You have no choice in the matter, it's already been decided." She said bluntly.

Naruto deflated.

"Why is this happening?" This concern came from a shocked Temari.

"It's happening in an effort to unite all of the elemental nations and to eliminate the threat of war from ever happening again." Baki answered succinctly

She quieted down.

"How old is he?" this concern came from Yugito, who had narrowed eyes.

"13." Tsunade remarked

"Do you honestly expect me to marry someone half my age?" she asked frostily.

"Yes." Ai replied severely. Yugito was about to go on a tirade, but Kurotsuchi beat her to it

"Wait, wait, wait. How is an arranged marriage between _4_ women, and _1 child_" Naruto opened his mouth up to speak up at the _child_ remark, but thought better of it. "Supposed to unite all on the elemental nations and end the threat of war?"

Tsunade smirked. "I'm glad you asked. Raikage-dono?" she asked, expecting him to answer the question.

"No war that has ever broken out between the nations happened because someone _wanted_ there to be a war between the nations. Some skirmishes break out due to petty things like trade disputes, but those usually have little lasting impact on the nations as a whole. Wars break out mainly because of misinformation, miscommunication, or mistakes that snowball out of control and spread discontent and hatred between the masses. All of you are related to a kage in some way," Shibuki looked like he was about to speak up, but thought better of it "that means that the people look up to you as paradigms of what they should hope to become like. If you associate with each other, and the masses _know_ that you associate with each other, and genuinely… at least _like_ each other, then the walls of hatred begin to break down."

Onoki decided to add in "There will also be other steps taken towards peace, such as communal trading camps, embassies from the villages, lowered trading regulations, and so on."

It would appear that the kages all had talked this through quite thoroughly while the rest of everyone was all in the hall.

Fu decided to chip in, "but- but- but if you all already decided on getting along with each other, why is there a need for us to all get married?" she asked nervously.

Tsunade replied with "well first of all, you all aren't getting to _each other_," all the five individuals sighed, "you four" she motioned to the four women, "are all getting married to_ him_," she motioned to Naruto. The five in question nearly face faulted.

"And second, I believe we already went through this, but if the masses see the people that they look up to getting along with each other, we believe that they would be more willing to brush aside their differences and hatred, and at least _try_ to get along with each other as well."

"And you think that when the masses see the people that they look up to join a harem; the masses will suddenly feel incentivized to get along better?" Kurotsuchi added incredulously.

"And plus," Naruto joined in "the people don't look up to me. If anything, they look down on me."

"Same for me" Fu added.

They both then realized what the other said, and looked at each other in confusion.

"Why do people look down on _you_? Aren't you the son of the Fourth Hokage?" she asked accusingly.

"I just learned that I actually _had_ parents about" he looked at his non-existent watch "30 minutes ago." He replied cheekily.

"Well why are you looked down on?" she asked again.

"Uhm, that's… uhh" he looked at Tsunade for support. She just made a motion with her hand, the motion that mean 'continue.'

His eyes grew wide. She meant for him to tell everyone that he's the Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi!

"I'm…" he took a deep breath "the Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune."

Everyone's (except for Tsunade, Jiraya, and Shikaku) eyes widened. Fu's, Yugito's, and Bee's most notably.

"Wha-? But, uh… fwah?" Fu's brain was starting to shut down. After all, she had just heard that one of the few people who had even been somewhat nice to her, was also one of the fewer people who could actually empathize with her, and was also the person who she would be joining a harem for.

"Fu is the Jinchuuriki for the seven-tailed beetle." Shibuki said.

Naruto and Yugito's eyes widened even more

She looked at his accusingly "FWAH?!" she asked/said.

"What? If we're going to do this, then we have to lay down all the secrets that would be pertinent information to this marriage." Shibuki said.

All eyes were on him, and that was starting to make him even more nervous.

All was silent for about 3 seconds.

"Yugito is the Jinchuuriki for the two tailed cat, and Bee here is the Jinchuuriki for the 8 tailed ox-octopus." Ai said impulsively.

They both looked at him incredulously.

"What?" he replied. "Shibuki-dono is correct, if a secret comes out later that could jeopardize this marriage; that would show a lack of trust in each other right now. If we really mean to bring peace to all of the elemental nations, then for that to be even remotely feasible, we all have to show complete trust in each other right now." Ai said with complete professionalism.

"I am the Jinchuuriki for the one-tailed tanuki."

All eyes were on Gaara, who looked as stoic as always.

"Kurotsuchi has lava release." Onoki said.

"Gramps!"

"What?"

"I, bluh… I just- Why are we getting married! Why don't you all get married?!" She gestured to all the kage.

Complete silence reigned for a total of 5 seconds.

5. Seconds.

"What?" Tsunade managed to get out.

"Yeah, that's right!" she said, as if confirming her own idea "I see 4 perfectly good males, and one perfectly good female. All of whom are the head of nations that want to enter an alliance with each other, and all of them are looked up to by the people of the countries that they represent."

All the kage looked at each other.

"I'm not even the Kazekage, I'm the _acting-Kazekage_" Baki said, not wanting to be a part of the conversation.

Tsunade formed a face that spoke of deep thought.

"Because we don't want to." She said.

They all face faulted.

"We still don't have everything ironed out" she continued. "Like the housing situation."

"Why don't we just give them one of the empty residential houses?" Jiraya said, for the first time this meeting.

"That could work in the short term, but what about in the long term?" she asked.

He thought for a bit. "You said that you were going to be putting up embassies in all of the villages, correct?"

"Yes"

"Why don't we just send the ANBU teams that know the hirashin along with the ambassadors, so they could travel between the nations at free will?" Jiraya didn't know that there were no such ANBU teams, and that the only three people who knew the hirashin other than the second and fourth hokage's were all just normal jonin. And that they all needed to be together to make the technique work.

"That's a good idea Jiraya." Tsunade was ignorant to the situation as well.

"Thanks." he puffed his chest out in pride, which hurt his still aching lungs.

While they were having this conversation, the five who were involved with the marriage were silent, shocked beyond the point where speech would be plausible.

"Wait!" Naruto said.

They all looked at him.

"You said that the marriage would only be valid once I made chunin, I'm still a genin." Naruto believed that he found the loophole that would bring the talk of marriage crashing down, and felt good knowing that he found it.

"Oh, that reminds me." Tsunade said.

She brought out something from beneath the desk and tossed it over to Naruto.

It was a flak jacket.

"Nice job on the promotion, Naruto."

He looked devastated.

"But- I- I love someone else." He said.

Her eyes softened.

"Naruto, you want to be hokage, right?" she asked.

He nodded.

"Well, being hokage means making tough decisions for the good of the people. You all have to understand," she looked at the other four as well "that this marriage could be the _end _to war as we know it."

Naruto was looking at the ground. He sniffled.

Yugito wanted to hate him, she wanted to hate him with all her guts. She just learned that she was getting married to him, along with three other females. She was getting married to a man that she didn't love. Yugito had always had found worth in her abilities as a kunoichi, in being a good tool to the village. But now she was just getting married off like a common noblewoman.

It pissed her off. It really pissed her off.

But as she looked at him, she couldn't find it in her to hate him.

He looked like the world was crashing down upon him.

"I accept, for the good of the people of the elemental nations." Yugito said eventually. Even if she loathed to do it, it was a direct order of the kage.

Kurotsuchi looked conflicted, but finally gave out a "*sigh* I accept as well."

Fu gave out a tentative "Okay"

All eyes were on Temari.

"*sigh* for the good of the people of the elemental nations, I accept as well."

"Well that's all well and good, but whether or not you are okay with it doesn't mean anything." She pointed to the stamped papers, "you're already married to him." She collected all the papers together and handed them to Shikaku. "I'm pushing the inauguration to a week from now, so that we can all simultaneously give the news to our citizens." She said to the assorted kages.

"What does your inauguration have to do with anything?" Jiraya asked.

"I also plan on telling the secret of Naruto's lineage to the people, as well as the plans for the alliance. Since everyone is going to be happy after the inauguration speech, they're going to take it better."

"Clever thinking" he said.

"Now," she said, "it's been a long night, and we could all use some shut-eye. I'll get a shinobi to escort you," she pointed to the kage's, and their escorts "to the Eastern Dragon. And a shinobi to escort you" she pointed to the five that the marriage documents pertained to, "to your residential house."

The walk to the residential house was slow and awkward. Luckily enough, it wasn't very far away.

A quick look around the house showed that it had a room with a king sized bed, a room with a queen sized bed, and a room with two twin beds.

"I'll take the couch" Naruto said.

After a little bit of bickering over who was going to sleep where, everyone was in bed.

Naruto looked at the clock, it read 12:00.

He waited on his couch for an hour, to make sure that everyone was asleep, before he started crying again. He was all out of tears from not an hour before then, so silent sobs wracked his body until he managed to find sleep. He wasn't sad. Well, he was actually fairly said, but he wasn't crying because he was sad. He was just frustrated and confused about the whole fucked up situation he found himself in.


	6. the talk

Chapter 6

Residential house.

Naruto woke up with his eyes completely crusted over. After wiping it away, Naruto looked around.

Why was he sleeping on a couch in an unfamiliar house?

A loud snore resounded from somewhere from within said house.

The memories of what transpired yesterday all came flooding back to him.

He looked at the clock on the wall. It read 7:00.

'Well there's no way I'm going to fall back asleep' he decided.

He walked into the kitchen and checked the fridge. It was fully stocked.

Naruto wasn't a chef by any means, but living alone meant having to make his own meals.

The smell of eggs and bacon started to waft throughout the house. He decided to be courteous and make more than he could eat for his wives.

_Wife._

_Wives._

Even the thought of being married, much less married to multiple people, was going to take some getting used to.

After chowing down, he checked the clock again. 7:30.

He was probably going to be late for team assignments, but he didn't particularly care at this point. He just dismally ate his breakfast of eggs and bacon before cleaning up and making to the door.

00000000

Mission Assignment Room.

He was actually there early.

His new house was a lot closer to the Academy than he originally thought.

Wait.

He had a new house. Didn't that mean that he had to get his stuff from his apartment?

He wasn't able to process these things and their ramifications like any reasonable person should at the moment. He looked at the ground sullenly

When Sakura showed up, she could immediately tell something was wrong.

Naruto looked gloomy and even though he looked at her, acknowledging her presence, he didn't say a word. Normally he would be abound with energy and trying to talk up a storm with her. But he just stood there in the lobby area, quiet.

They stood in silence for a while.

"Naruto, is something wrong?" she asked.

He flinched, and put up a strained smile. "No Sakura, why would you say that?"

"Because you look sad, and you got here earlier than me, which never happens."

"…Can we please just not talk about it?" He looked at her eyes and then quickly looked away.

'Weird.' She thought. 'Naruto's never sad. Something huge must have happened.'

Sasuke showed up and noticed Naruto's state, but didn't comment on it. Sometimes people just want to be left alone, he was living proof of that concept.

They stood alone, in silence, and waited for Kakashi to show up.

When he finally did show up, no one said anything and they all quietly walked into the mission assignment room. Kakashi noticed the gloomy aura that was hanging around his team members, and made a mental note to ask them about it while they were on their mission.

"Do you have any missions available?" Kakashi asked to the secretary.

Usually the hokage was there at least in the morning, before heading up to administration to do their paperwork. Since the previous hokage was regrettably dead, some of the higher up jonin were there to hand out assignments,

Jiraya was there instead.

"Kakashi, I need to borrow Naruto for the day." He said in his most professional tone.

Kakashi nodded his head without missing a beat, while all three members of team 7 looked confused.

Jiraya motioned Naruto to follow him and they exited the room together.

"Kakashi, what does Jiraya-sama want with Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"Hell if I know. So do you have any missions available?" he directed the question to the secretary.

"Erm, yes, there's a mission to protect a long distance runner while on a race. It's recommended a full team, however."

"We'll take it. How long is it going to last?"

"It should take about three days."

"Okay, you two, get ready for a multi-nighter, and meet me at the gates in two hours."

They both nodded their heads in confirmation.

00000000

"Pervy-sage, where's Granny?" Naruto asked Jiraya. They were walking at a leisurely place around Konoha proper.

"She's at the hospital treating that one kid with the huge eyebrows that you were talking about, in fact, she had just healed your sensei and your teammate from their tsukiomi trauma."

"Oh! I forgot about that." He looked at the ground.

"Don't worry brat, you've had a lot on your plate lately."

Indeed it had been quite the 24 hours for Naruto.

"So what do you need me for?" Naruto asked.

"Well I thought you might like to talk, ask me for advice, or anything really."

"I don't need anything." He said stubbornly.

"Oh really, what about that Sakura girl? Don't you still love her?"

"Of course I do, but I already know the answer if I ask you what you think I should do."

Jiraya's eyebrows raised. "Oh?"

"Yeah, you're going to say something like 'forget about her, all she does is hit you around', or 'forget about her, it's for the good of the elemental nations', or even 'forget about her, after all, you have four hot wives now'."

Jiraya was surprised, but didn't let it show.

"I wasn't going to say that." He lied.

"What were you going to say?"

Jiraya thought about how to proceed for a moment, then said "name one thing you hate about her."

"What?"

"Just do it."

Naruto adopted a dreamy look for a moment. "I can't, she's prefect."

"Naruto."

"Yes?"

"You don't love her."

"Huh? Yeah I do, I really love her."

"No you don't, you admire her."

"Well of course I do." Naruto was getting confused.

Jiraya sighed. "Naruto, love isn't about admiration, or looking past the flaws that a person has. Love is understanding."

"Understanding what?"

"Understanding the person, understanding their motives, understanding why they do the things they do. Understanding is love, and Admiration is the furthest thing from understanding. A human cannot reasonably say that they hate someone without first giving a reason why they love them. The world doesn't work in black and white-"

A certain checkered akatsuki member sneezed.

"-and the same works for the other way. You cannot reasonably love someone without first knowing something that you hate about them."

Naruto thought in silence for a while.

"But don't you admire granny?"

"…Yeah, I do."

They both remained silent for a while after that. Pondering the philosophies that were just expounded, and their ramifications.

"Jiraya?"

"Yeah?"

"What were… What were my parents like?"

"They loved you so much." Jiraya said, without missing a beat. "When they told me I was going to be your godfather, I was so excited, I was finally going to be able to be able to be there for somebody, I was finally going to be able to teach my crafts to someone who might appreciate them."

"Your crafts? Didn't you teach my dad your crafts?"

"He never really took to them." He answered vaguely

Naruto looked at Jiraya in confusion.

Jiraya had a perverted look on his face, and his eyebrows were wiggling furiously.

Naruto had to laugh, the visage was far too funny not to.

"Hey, looks like I was able to cheer you up. If only slightly." Jiraya said.

Naruto nodded, "thanks Pervy-sage."

Naruto's mood had increased a little.

"… Do you really think that this is going to work?" Naruto asked.

"What?"

"The whole, arranged marriage, thing."

"Do I think that it's going to stop war?"

"Yeah."

"… I have no idea."

"Wow thanks, I feel so much better" Naruto said sarcastically.

"Well it's not like a thing like this has ever been done before, so we don't have a reference. But if we all try our hardest to make this work, I think we might have a shot."

Naruto sighed heavily "What am I supposed to do?"

"Do What?"

"Marriage. I haven't even been on a date before in my entire life. And now I'm married to 4 women. I'm _13_, I'm not ready for that responsibility yet."

"… I have no idea what you should do." He reiterated

"For someone who wanted to give out advice to make me feel better, you give sucky advice."

"Your situation is a unique one, it's hard to say what you should do."

"Do I have to love them?"

"You have to be nice to them, generally when humans are nice to other humans, those other humans will be nice to the first humans."

"Even if the other humans joined a harem, against their will, that revolved around the first human?" he replied sarcastically.

"They didn't do it against their will. Didn't you hear them? They accepted the terms and conditions."

"They accepted for the good of the elemental nations. They didn't want to, they made a sacrifice by doing what they did."

They were silent for a bit.

"What, specifically, was in the marriage document?"

"What do you mean?"

"What are my… responsibilities?"

"You mean other than to marry them?"

"Yeah."

"Nothing was specified. But you won't be able to pursue relationships with other women."

"Why not?"

Jiraya paused "Naruto, this marriage isn't for you, or for them; it's for the people. If word got out that you cheated on your wives, it might be taken as a huge insult by the other nations' people."

"Oh." Naruto said in understanding.

"And you might also be asked to… procreate with them."

Jiraya may have been a pervert, but this was a serious ordeal, and he had to take it seriously, for Naruto's sake.

"Procreate?"

'Oh shit.'

"You have had the… talk? Right?" Jiraya asked. He really didn't want to explain the inner workings of sexual intercourse to a 13 year old.

"Er... yeah, Iruka-sensei told me."

'Oh thank god, he just didn't know what the word meant.'

"Well you may be asked to have children with some of them."

"EEH!? But why?" Naruto was getting red in the face.

"To strengthen the bonds between the villages."

"Somehow I knew you were going to say that." He said in deadpan.

Jiraya laughed sheepishly.

It was at that point that a shinobi appeared before Jiraya and Naruto and said "Killer Bee requests your presence."

"Killer Bee?" Naruto asked.

"The Jinchuuriki to the eight-tails."

"Oh, I remember him. What does he want with us?"

"He only specified you." The shinobi pointed to Naruto.

"Why?" Jiraya asked

"I don't know, I was only told to bring him to training ground 7."

"I know where that is" Naruto said.

"I am coming with him." Jiraya said.

"…Bee didn't say that he _couldn't_ bring others." The Shinobi said.

"Thank you, you are dismissed, we'll take it from here." Jiraya said.

00000000

Training ground seven.

There were 3 people sitting down by corresponding wooden posts.

One was occupied with Bee.

One was occupied with Yugito.

One was occupied with Fu.

They were waiting for the other two that were sent for to show up.

They spotted a dot on the horizon that slowly enlarged until they could make out the shape of Gaara riding sand across the sky like a magic carpet.

He descended until he was touching the ground.

"Yo, sit down, yo." Bee said with a friendly tone.

Gaara sat down without word.

Two other figures emerged from the tree line. One was Jiraya, and the other was Naruto.

Naruto sat down with them.

"Since we're all here. I'll explain why Bee got us to gather here." Yugito said. "Bee wants to take advantage of the fact that there are five Jinchuuriki in one place at one time. By having a pow-wow with the tailed beasts."

"A pow-wow?" Naruto asked.

"By physically touching each other, Jinchuuriki can link mindscapes and are able to talk with other tailed beasts from other Jinchuuriki that are also touching."

"Mindscape?" Naruto and Fu asked simultaneously. They both then made eye-contact, blushed, and quickly looked away.

"You two haven't conversed with your tailed beast yet?"

"Well I have… but that was only to collect my rent." Naruto said.

"Your rent?"

"I fell down a huge ravine, so I appeared before Kyuubi-teme, and told him to pay rent by lending me his power."

Bee looked slightly uncomfortable with the idea of what happened. But didn't comment on it.

"Well that place you went to is called your mindscape. Although it is technically a manifestation of your chakra system." Yugito said.

"So what do you mean by _physical contact_?" Gaara asked.

"We just bump fists." Yugito said.

She stood up, which everyone took as their cue to stand up as well.

Bee held out his fist, and everyone met in the middle. Fu and Naruto blushed slightly at the physical contact.

00000000

Shared mindscape.

Naruto stood before the grand cage that seemingly held back the mighty Kyuubi no Kitsune with only a flimsy piece of paper.

It was his first time getting a really good look at it, the Kyuubi.

The Kyuubi did not look like a fox in the normal sense. It was completely orange, except for the eyes and ears, which shared a pair of black stripes going through both of them. It also had a human-like torso.

**"Human, what do you wa-" **the Kyuubi fell silent though, as it took stock of the situation.

It was facing a room in the shape of a pentagon, each of its sides had a different room. And its cage had turned into an actual boxed cage, with bars on the sides, so it could see the cages of the bijuu that were beside him.

To his left was the cage of the ichibi. To his right was the cage of the nanabi. To his front left was the cage of the niibi. To his front right was the cage of the hachibi.

The cages of the niibi and hachibi, however, had no bars on the front of their cages, signifying freedom.

All of the cages also had a human standing in front of it.

**"What is the meaning of this?"** the Kyuubi grumbled.

**"I would like to know as well" **this came from the nanabi.

Yugito answered. "In a rare event, 5 Jinchuuriki ended up in the same place, so we thought it would be wise to allow you" she gestured to the tailed beasts "to talk."

**"…"**

"…"

**"Talk about what?" **Shukaku asked.

"… Don't you have anything to say to each other, after not seeing each other for such a long time?" Fu asked. She might be new to what Jinchuuriki did on a regular basis, but she did have a slight understanding of what happened to all the bijuu.

**"We didn't lead the most social of lives before our sealing." **the nanabi said.

**"And we didn't gain one after our sealing." **the Kyuubi added.

**"So we don't have much to talk about." **Shukaku said.

**"Plus we don't really like each other." **Niibi said.

"Yo yo, you guys are family, and family sticks together, wheee!" Bee brought out his notepad to write down that sick rhyme.

It wouldn't be there when he got out of the shared mindscape. Either he didn't notice, or he didn't care, because he just kept on blissfully writing.

**"Gyuki, you wanna shut up your annoying human?" **the Kyuubi asked.

**"No." **Gyuki said

The Kyuubi was more surprised than anything

**"Why not?" **

**"Because I like my container, and I trust him."**

The Kyuubi burst out laughing. It was an awful, ear-rending laugh.

**"You trust your container? Oh that's rich. Humans are all the same, they only pretend to be nice to you, in order to gain your power as their own. Humans are vain, greedy creatures, with no thoughts of anyone else other than their own. Least of all, us, the so called **_**tailed beasts. **_**To them, we are only a means to an end."**

**"Some humans are different, they are capable of compassion beyond your comprehension!" **The Niibi said.

**"Compassion? Ha! Because of humans and their greed, I have spent the better part of my existence under a genjutsu, stuck in a cage, or crucified on a rock! If there is human compassion out there, I have not found hide nor hair of it!"**

Shukaku and Chomei felt slightly awkward just watching the three of them yell at each other. Even if Shukaku agreed with the Kyuubi's point of view.

**"You just have to look for it." **Was Matatabi's response.

**"Where? Where can I find this human compassion when I'm stuck in a cage all alone, with no one beside me?" **

**"It would appear that there is a valid example right in front of you." **Matatabi said.

**"But you aren't human, how would you be able to show human compassion?"** the Kyuubi asked, clearly confused, and not even thinking that Naruto could be the one she was speaking of.

**"Matatabi wasn't referring to itself, Matatabi was referring to the human in front of you." **Gyuki cleared up.

The Kyuubi looked down at Naruto. **"Him? The one who demanded that I give him power because of the fact that I am imprisoned inside of him?'**

**"From what I understand, he only did that so he could save himself from death."** Gyuki said.

**"From what I understand, he took my power for his own selfish reasons." **The Kyuubi replied.

**"Saving yourself from death is selfish now?"**

**"Taking power that isn't yours has always been selfish."**

Gyuki sighed **"Kura-"**

**"DON'T CALL ME THAT! I will not allow any worthless human to hear my name!"**

**"You are being childish" **Matatabi said.

**"And you are being unreasonable."**

While this exchange had been going on, Naruto had been going through some self-reflection. When the Kyuubi was sealed into Naruto, it ruined his life. But it sounded like the Kyuubi didn't want, or mean to get sealed into him. While Naruto grew up alone, the Kyuubi had been growing up alone alongside him. Except the Kyuubi didn't have anyone to talk to, no precious people to protect.

He thought about how Gaara had grown up, surrounded by hatred and malice. He eventually grew insane from the grief that he received. The Kyuubi was no different in that respect.

Naruto hadn't even tried to understand the Kyuubi. He just let what he was told about it to cloud his visage.

In that respect, he was no better than the villagers that hated him for reasons beyond their comprehension.

"I'm sorry." Naruto said quietly

**"A- Wait, what?"**

"I'm sorry for taking your chakra when I was mad about Sasuke dying. I didn't know the whole story of your sealing inside of me, and I was being unreasonable. I'm very sorry." Naruto bowed. After realizing what he did, he decided to apologize as sincerely as he could. He wasn't exactly very used to sincere apologies, but he was giving it his best.

**"I-If this is a trick, th-"**

"This isn't a trick, I swear! I will do anything to make up to you the chakra that I took from you" Naruto practically yelled.

**"Oh really? Then rip off the seal, and let me go free." **The Kyuubi said with a conniving tone.

**"YOU ARE BEING UNREASONABLE KURAMA! HE'LL DIE-" **Matatabi practically yelled at him, which was out of character for it.

But the Kyuubi cut it off in anger, with a huge scream. **"I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!" **

The Kyuubi's tails smashed against the bars that held in him. The shockwaves were reverberating within the skulls of not only the humans, but also the tailed beasts.

The Kyuubi roared again in anger, and attempted to shoot a mini-beast-ball against the bars, but it blew up in its face. The resounding shockwave was so powerful that it severed the connection of the other four.

The Kyuubi huffed, and sat down on its haunches. Its face hurt, it just wanted to sleep, just wanted to let loose some of its frustration.

"I won't call you that"

**"Huh?"**

"I won't call you that. Not if you don't want me to."

**"Huh."**

"But I will call you that eventually, when I teach you that there are good humans out there is the world as well." it was a promise that Naruto had decided to carry through. It was a conviction and Naruto was convicted to it.

Naruto turned around and walked out of the mindscape environment.

After it was sure Naruto was gone, Kurama laid down to rest.

That conversation had been emotionally heavy for it. Kurama made sure that the mental connection was off (as it always was) before allowing tears of frustration to roll out of his eyes for the first time since he was sealed into Mito. No, it was not sad. It was angry. Angry that a human had gotten the better of it.

**AN/**

**I forgot to put this up on the first chapter, but this is my first fic. Any feedback at all on my story would be greatly appreciated.**

**Also, I'm going by canon ages. (Fu's and Kurotsuchi's ages weren't on the wiki so I made them up to be what I thought was reasonable)**

**Yugito: 27**

**Kurotsuchi: 15**

**Temari: 15**

**Fu: 14**

**Naruto: 13**

**Many thanks to those who read and reviewed**


	7. the confrontations

Chapter 7

After Naruto went out of the house to meet up with his team, it wasn't long before everyone else was awake.

This stemmed mostly from Kurotsuchi's snoring.

It was really fucking loud.

So loud, in fact, that after Fu was woken up, she immediately threw her pillow at the sleeping teenager; as they were the ones sharing the room with twin beds.

Kurotsuchi continued to snore.

Temari, who had bags under her eyes, banged opened the door and proceeded to take the pillow that was on Kurotsuchi to continually bash her body with it.

Kurotsuchi continued to snore.

Yugito walked into the door next, grabbed Kurotsuchi's ankles, and pulled her out of bed.

Kurotsuchi awoke with a start. She had a headache, a sore body, and really wanted to go back to sleep.

Her head fell back onto the floor, and she closed her eyes.

Kurotsuchi continued to snore.

They all had bags under their eyes, they were all extremely annoyed for a variety of reasons, and they all looked at Kurotsuchi, wondering what they would do to her.

And that was how they all woke up to their first morning of married life.

After everyone had sufficiently woken up, they went to get some breakfast.

They all sat at the table. Eating slowly. Mired in awkward silence.

"Well this sucks." Kurotsuchi said, summing up the situation perfectly.

"Be quiet." This comment came from Temari, who had a pounding headache.

"Who shoved a kunai up your ass?"

"If another thing comes out of your mouth, I'm going to shove my battle fan soooo far down your throat, you'll be coughing wind."

"You wanna put your money where your mouth is?"

Temari glared at her, but did not rise up to the challenge

Temari was in a really bad mood, but that didn't mean she was in the mood for killing.

"Will both of you shut up!" this came from Yugito. "Christ, I am surrounded by children."

Yugito wasn't in a particularly good mood either.

They sat in silence after that.

"… Soooo…" Fu ventured.

"So what?" Kurotsuchi said tiredly.

"So shouldn't we get to know each other better, or something?"

"Why?"

"Because we're all married." Fu spoke in deadpan.

No one spoke up.

There was a knock on the door.

Yugito answered it, and was greeted by a messenger ninja. "Yugito Nii and Fu are requested to meet at training ground 7 with Killer Bee."

"Okay, just a second."

She went back to get Fu and they both followed the ninja to training ground 7

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"Training ground 7."

"Why?"

"No clue."

This left Kurotsuchi and Temari alone.

"So what now?" Kurotsuchi asked.

"I'm going to an empty training ground to let off some steam."

"I'll join you."

Temari looked slightly displeased, but didn't deny her.

00000000

Training ground 7, after the connection severing

Fu, Yugito, and Bee were sprawled on ground after getting expelled from their mindscape. Gaara would be too, if not for the sand that caught him.

Jiraya looked on with raised eyebrows

"Does that usually happen?" Fu asked.

"Not that I've experienced." Yugito replied.

They all got up and looked at Naruto, who was still standing with his eyes closed.

"Is there something wrong with him?" Gaara asked.

Just as he said that, Naruto's eyes shot open.

"Are you okay brat?" Jiraya asked

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Maybe we should get you to Tsunade?"

"Nah, I'm fine." Naruto looked at Bee. "Anything else?"

Bee shook his head. This was one freaky little kid.

Naruto looked up at the sun's position. It wasn't even noon yet.

He looked at Jiraya. "What now?"

"I have to meet up with Baki." Gaara said.

"Yo, I have to talk with bro." Bee said.

"And I have to report to Tsunade." Jiraya said.

He didn't really have to do that, he just saw it as a golden opportunity to get Naruto to socialize with his wives.

Naruto looked at Fu and Yugito. "Do you guys have anything to do?"

They both shook their heads.

"How about I show you around Konoha?"

"You mean a ramen shop and the top of the monument?" Fu asked cheekily.

"You are never going to let that down are you?" he asked.

"Nope." She smiled, and he smiled back sheepishly

Yugito looked at them interact. 'It's almost like they're acting like friends.'

"Did you two know each other before the meeting at administration?"

"She got here earlier than you did, so I showed her around Konoha."

"A ramen shop, and the top of the monument." She repeated.

"I was working on very little time!" he cried in indignation.

Fu giggled.

'I'm married to this guy?' Yugito thought.

00000000

Konoha proper.

As they walked around, he pointed out various landmarks. The clan compounds, the market, the residential areas, the training grounds.

It was a proper tour.

One which hit a snag.

A snag named Ino.

"Hey Naruto!" Ino cried out, while waving her arms to get his attention.

She was standing next to Shikamaru, Chouji, and Asuma.

She ran up to him, with the others falling behind her at a more sedate pace.

"I thought you and Sasuke were on a mission." She said.

"Oh, uh they went on a mission this morning, but I was left behind."

"Oh…" She said in a depressed tone. She was hoping that Sasuke was still in Konoha.

"Hey Naruto." Shikamaru said, who had caught up by now along with the rest of the team.

"Yo."

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed. 'Why is Naruto walking around with a waterfall kunoichi, and a cloud kunoichi? They shouldn't have any business in Konoha.'

"Who are your friends?" he asked.

"Oh yeah, this is Yugito and Fu" he gestured to them respectively. "And they are Shikamaru, Chouji, Ino, and their sensei, Asuma." He gestured to the members of team 10.

"We just got back from a C-rank mission" Ino said.

"We're going to celebrate at a barbeque place. Wanna come with?" Chouji added, while munching on his chips.

"Uuummm" Naruto looked at Yugito and Fu for confirmation, they both shrugged.

"Sure." He answered.

They began walking to the barbeque place at a comfortable pace.

"So what are a cloud, and a waterfall kunoichi doing in Konoha?" Asuma asked amicably.

Yugito adopted a sullen look, while Naruto and Fu both sported bright blushes. Which didn't go unnoticed by Asuma and Shikamaru.

"We're here for peace talks." Yugito said plainly.

"And I'm escorting them around Konoha." Naruto said.

"Peace talks?!" Asuma said in an astounded tone. "How long were we away?"

'Long enough for me to get married to someone half my age' Yugito thought to herself.

"Tsunade said that she's announcing what happened at the peace talks at her inauguration in a week." Naruto said.

"I thought that the peace talks were still going on." Fu stated.

"Well I wouldn't know, I'm just a lowly genin."

"Chunin" Yugito corrected.

Team 10's eyes widened.

"Naruto, you got promoted?" Ino asked incredulously.

"Uhm… yeah, just keep it on the down-low for now."

"Why?"

"Because… it has something to do with what Tsunade is going to announce at her inauguration."

"Why would your promotion be something to announce at her inauguration?" Shikamaru asked

"Look, can we just drop the subject?"

"…Okay man."

00000000

Training ground 34

Kurotsuchi and Temari were on the ground, gasping for air. They were both running on low reserves after what they did to that forest.

That poor forest.

When they both arrived there, Kurotsuchi thought that Temari wanted to spar against her. She was proven wrong, however, when Temari blasted a war cry, swung her fan, and released a gale of winds with cutting wind chakra inside at the tree line.

Kurotsuchi shrugged and threw a jutsu out that skewered the trees that were on the ground with spikes of rock. About an hour after continuing to commit tree genocide, they were on the ground, gasping for air.

The forest at their side didn't deserve to be called a forest anymore, more like a huge pile of twigs and jagged rocks with poisonous quicklime hanging around.

"You weren't half bad." Kurotsuchi huffed, all hostility to Temari gone.

Apparently forest destruction was _really_ good release. No wonder leaf ninja were so happy all the time.

"Thanks" she huffed in return.

They stayed like that for a while.

"You're right." Temari said.

"Huh?"

"About what you said this morning; this situation that we're in, it sucks"

"… It could be worse"

Temari gave a dry laugh. "How so?"

"He could be an old, perverted geezer, who peeps on women at bathhouses."

Jiraya sneezed, which alerted the women at the bathhouse that he was peeping on.

'Oh fuck me' Jiraya thought.

All the women started to either brandish weapons, or start jutsu.

'I didn't even know they were kunoichi!'

Temari gave another dry laugh. "Yeah, silver linings I guess."

Kurotsuchi got up and announced "I'm starving."

"We _just_ had breakfast"

"I have a quick metabolism"

"Well I'm not eating anything."

"Well I am. Get up"

Temari grumbled as she complied with the request.

00000000

Administration building

Tsunade was trying to sign paperwork when Jiraya entered; battered, bruised, and bleeding profusely.

She quirked a brow.

"Hey hime."

"… You fucking pervert."

"Yeah, yeah." He said dismissively

"What do you want?"

"Ohhh, don't be so cold hime."

Her stare could melt steel

"Just wanted to talk about Naruto."

"Is this about the training trip that you were talking about?"

"Yeah, I was thinking that we should take advantage of the alliance, and have Naruto cycle around the villages to train under the best that they have to offer."

"I thought that the whole point of having Naruto go on a training _trip_ was so that the akatsuki wouldn't know where he was at any given point, and that you would be there to protect him."

"Well I would have to run my spy operation in order to get intel on the akatsuki's movements. But if he continually cycles through the villages at a random pattern, that would decrease the risk to the point that I wouldn't need to be there."

"What makes you think that they'll give him the best teachers that they have?"

"Didn't you tell them about the akatsuki? The entire reason for the training trip in the first place was to prepare him for them. I would think that the other villages want the Jinchuuriki to be as strong as they could be."

"I did tell them, but they seem confident in their ability to fend them off."

"Well fuck… hmmm, most of the trip was going to revolve around him training to get a handle on the Kyuubi's power, it doesn't really matter if he has a sub-par genjutsu or taijutsu teacher. The other villages' Jinchuuriki could teach him all that he needs to know."

"Okay, but how is he going to get from village to village?"

"The teams with the hirashin?"

"You neglected to tell me that only one team in all of Konoha knows the hirashin, and that's the hokage's body guard unit."

"Huh, I thought that there were more… can't you just train other units?"

"The hirashin is an extremely powerful jutsu, one that few could only perceive on a very basic level, it would take months to train other units. It's a wonder how the Second or the Fourth learned how to manipulate it to the extent that it became useful in battle."

"Can't we just have the team tag places at the villages, and contact them with a messenger bird to let them know when and where to teleport to next?"

"Maybe, it would be extremely chakra intensive though."

"Good, then while we do that, you could train more teams in the meantime."

"Like I said, it's really hard to even understand, it could take a while to find out who would be compatible with it."

"But it can be done?"

"…Yes"

"Perfect, then it's decided. In a week, Naruto will go on a training trip that encompasses all of the major hidden villages."

"Except for mist."

"Well yeah, but they're still having the civil war. It wouldn't be the best environment for Naruto to learn how to control the Kyuubi."

"Yeah, I know."

"So when are the kage's leaving?"

"We just finished finalizing everything, all the kage's are leaving tomorrow. But they're leaving their companions here."

"Why?"

"Can't remember, something about trust between the nations."

"Hm. You know hime, you just created peace between the elemental nations, and you aren't even hokage yet."

"Not all the nations."

"But as soon as word gets out about the joint alliance, every other villages are going to want to join in as well."

"Well it's not like I created a unified nation, we just agreed not to kill each other anymore."

"Still, it's close to something that I have spent my whole life trying to succeed in, and one that you accomplished in two days."

"It's mostly due to Minato's stupidity. Whenever an alliance was made between two nations, demands were made between them, which lowered trust and made for a reasonable excuse to try and stab each other in the backs. But with all of the nations together, they got scared to make demands on the individual level, as they might be excluded from the deal for being greedy. With the marriage deal, it allowed for us all to come together at the same time."

"Is that what happened?"

"That's how Shizune explained it to me. Is that all?"

"Yeah. You know, we should go out for drinks after this. A party celebrating the do-not-kill-each-other treaty."

"If this is just an excuse to get me drunk-"

"No, of course not" Jiraya said quickly.

"Okay then, I'll be at the bar at 7."

"Which one?"

"The one we all used to go to after a completed mission."

"Got it," he said, as he walked out the door.

00000000

Barbeque place.

The barbeque was delicious.

This was a common sentiment amongst the participants of the meal. Even if it was slightly crowded for only one booth.

Naruto, Fu, and Chouji were eating at extremely fast paces, barely letting the meat cook before shoving it in their mouths.

The rest of them barely had any room on the grill to let it cook because most of the space was hogged by the big eaters of the group. Once Naruto 'accidentally' tried to grab a piece of meat that was claimed by Yugito, only to almost have his hand skewered to the grill.

Yugito was hungry, tired, frustrated, and just not having a good day. Not only that, but she was also on her period. An affliction which only exponentially increased her ire at the childish antics of her husband.

Luckily, he was a proud shinobi of the hidden leaf, and prided himself for his ingenuity on the battlefield. That being said, he was lucky to still have a functioning hand.

When he looked at Yugito to give an apology, he was met with glaring yellow feline eyes. Signifying the true anger that she was feeling. After muttering an apology, he quickly looked away. Her eyes morphed back to usual before the members of team 10 could notice.

As a proper apology, he gave up some space on the grill to Yugito.

Which only slightly increased her mood.

Then Temari and Kurotsuchi walked in after scouring the hidden leaf for a good barbeque place.

The two made eye contact with the group, which led to an awkward situation.

Would the two ignore their presence and get a separate booth, or would they grab some chairs to join them. They already were seated with four others, so room on the grill would be minimal if the two joined in as well. But if they got a separate booth, then ignoring each other's presence would only make the situation more awkward for the five involved.

Their problem was solved for them, however, when Shikamaru looked at what Naruto and Yugito were staring at. He recognized Temari from his fight with her, and noticed that both Naruto _and_ Yugito were looking at her. Meaning that the foreign kunoichi must have made contact with each other at some point, most likely during the peace talks.

"Do you know them?" he asked rhetorically (to him at least).

"Err yeah." Was Naruto's nervous answer.

"Why don't you invite them over?" maybe he might get more information about the peace talks if the kunoichi were all there.

"Err okay." Naruto then made a waving gesture at Temari and Kurotsuchi. This gesture sealed their fate.

They told the waitress that they were going to sit with the others, and promptly pulled up a couple of chairs and sat down.

Kurotsuchi decided that she was going to have fun with this situation. Getting the object of the treaty in deep shit with his friends seemed like the right thing to do right then.

"Hey, hubby."

Team 10's eyes widened, while Naruto and Fu started sporting huge blushes. Yugito and Temari decided not to care, and to just focus on the food. Walking around, while looking for a suitable place to eat usually makes people hungry, in Temari's situation

"She's joking! She's joking" he said far too quickly.

Team 10 didn't look convinced from his denials.

"Look, uhm, we met at the peace talks, and she really likes to get people embarrassed, and that's it." He quickly fabricated.

"But why are you embarrassed?" Ino asked.

"It's uuuuhhhmmm… a long story?"

"…Okaaaaayyy." She wanted to pry further, but the food was almost all gone, and the little that was left was quickly being claimed by Temari and Kurotsuchi. A long story wouldn't survive for how long it would take for the bill to get there.

Kurotsuchi, for the record, was having a really fun time being her.

Naruto glared at her, but she just returned it with a mischievous smile.

After the bill came, team 10 and Naruto's group split up.

It was in the afternoon, and Naruto was feeling energetic.

"What do you guys want to do now?" he asked.

"Why don't we go and train?" Yugito suggested

"We just got back from training" Temari said. It wasn't really training, more like venting frustration upon helpless trees

"It's okay, we'll just watch." Kurotsuchi said. She had a mischievous smile on her face again, as she felt like she knew where this was going.

"Uuhh, okay?" Naruto was getting a little nervous at Kurotsuchi's smile.

"I'm fine with that" Fu said.

00000000

Training ground 7

"You two are going to spar." Yugito spoke to Naruto and Fu.

"What?"

"YOU. TWO. ARE. GOING-" she spoke louder for clarification

"I. HEARD. YOU. THE. FIRST. TIME" Naruto said, cutting her off "I was wondering why." He stated at a lower volume.

"Because I want a good read of your skill, and if I spar against you, you'd die. So you are going to spar against someone roughly your level, so I can properly gauge your skills."

Kurotsuchi looked slightly saddened. She had thought that the reason that Yugito brought it up was so she could mop the floor with the kid. Apparently not.

"I'm okay with it" Fu said.

"Okay, I'm game." Naruto said in return.

They both got to opposite sides of the field.

"Hajime!" Yugito yelled

They both ran at each other. Naruto decided to first go with a jump, to get leverage, and descended with a downward fist. Fu timed out when the punch was going to land, and grabbed it when it got close enough. Since Naruto was in the air, he didn't have any leverage to try to get away from the grab. Fu slammed him on the ground with enough force to create an audible 'WHUMP' and promptly climbed on his exposed back, to press his arm against it, hoping to force an early submission.

Naruto grit his teeth, and rose up from the ground suddenly enough for Fu to lose her balance, she fell off, but immediately righted herself and jumped away.

Fu stood where she was, as he brushed the dirt off of himself. He looked at her, and charged again, but this time on the ground, with his arms close to his torso. This time he started with a kick to her side, but she caught it, as she was prepared for it, and she used it to try to pull him to the ground. Naruto was unbalanced, but quickly planted his other leg down, to yank his leg from Fu. Fu let go, as holding on to it would have unbalanced her, and given him the advantage.

He tried to go for a straight punch, but she quickly caught it, pulled it towards her, turned herself around, and flipped forward onto the ground, with Naruto's body used as a cushion. The air was pushed out of his chest and he began scrambling for air. Fu, who hadn't let go of his appendage, quickly put his arm into a hold.

He managed to gain his breath again, and pulled his arm up, along with her body, and slammed it onto the ground.

She was light, which gave her maneuverability, but that lightness also hindered her when the opponent managed to grab onto her.

She quickly let go of his arm, to avoid having her body weight used against her. And jumped away.

Naruto got up, and looked at her warily. He was breathing slightly, but she didn't look the least perturbed.

He put his hands in the cross shape and called out "**shadow clone no jutsu." **Multiple bodies of Naruto soon came into existence. If he wasn't able to beat her with skill, he'd just use numbers.

What? He's a ninja. Unfair fighting is their creed.

All the clones charged at her. She, again, timed out when they would reach her, and when they were in sight, she completed some handseals, put her hands to her mouth, and yelled out **"Hiding in scale powder.**" A yellowish powder burst out of her mouth, which quickly refracted the light to blinding levels. All the clones were sufficiently incapacitated while inside the powder. Fu, who had closed her eyes, reached out and quickly jabbed the clones, dispelling them.

The real Naruto was blinking away the blurs on his vision, and saw Fu standing exactly where she was when she had breathed out the powder. After a moment's hesitation, she charged at him while doing handseals, **"waterfall style: water cutting blade" **water congealed on her fist, and spiked out to create a several foot long blade of water.

Naruto, sensing immediate threat via skewering, pulled out a kunai, and met her blade. The slashes that she threw at Naruto were barely blocked and parried away as the sword was much more versatile than the kunai, and she obviously had more practice with it.

Naruto spammed some clones at her, with one at his side to help with the rasengan that he was beginning to form. While she was busy with the clones, he charged ahead with the rasengan cocked behind him.

Fu swung her sword at his arm, and he swung the rasengan at her sword, the sword's tip hit his arm, but just barely missed the vital blood pathways and nerve endings.

The rasengan exploded when it met the sword, causing it to dispel as well. Naruto looked at his arm, it had been sliced just deep enough to bleed a lot, but not deep enough to seriously hinder his movements. He looked at her, who was standing without any sign of serious battle fatigue. While he was huffing and puffing from the shock of all the hits he received.

He needed to end this quick.

She evidently had the same thought, as she called out the water sword technique again, although she did the handseals a second time, before the water could collect on her first hand, and called out the technique a second time. Creating two swords about two feet long each, she fell into a much more fluid body state than she had at first.

He spammed a huge amount of clones to hinder her, with one at his side again, to help him with his rasengan. She was destroying the clones in droves and was almost completely out of clones to waste when he finished the rasengan. She charged at him this time, in order to negate his momentum that the jutsu seemed to heavily rely on, and he stepped towards her at the same time.

Just as she was bringing her left arm to incapacitate one of his legs, and hopefully end the powerful jutsu, she felt two pairs of hands simultaneously grab both of her arms, and painfully jerk her towards the ground. Clones had transformed into rocks, and were waiting for her to charge him in wait.

Naruto was advancing quickly with the rasengan in hand. She fought with the clone on her right arm, and succeeded in stabbing it in the chest, dispelling it. She swung the sword at the Rasengan again, to dispel it, but was too late, as he was already in her guard, instead it swiped against his back. He shoved the rasengan at the middle of her torso, and immediately ended it as soon it came into contact, which made it explode in a concussive force onto her torso. She was slammed into the ground, which cracked on impact.

Unconscious.

Naruto was the winner, but he was sporting a nasty gash on his back from Fu's last attack

Yugito was evaluating both of their fighting styles quietly.

'Fu is definitely a retaliatory fighter, a fighter who mostly uses counterattacks, momentum, and speed against her opponents. She has an interesting array of jutsu which compliment her fighting style, and is incredibly fast, lithe, and maneuverable. However, she's not very strong physically, and is prone to falling into traps.'

'Naruto is not as skilled as Fu, but he makes up for his lack of skill with very punishing jutsu, as well as using overwhelming numbers to incapacitate his opponents. He is also really good at coming up with battle strategies on the fly. However, he rushes into situations without thinking them through fully, and needs to know when to advance, and when to retreat.'

Temari and Kurotsuchi looked on, dumbfounded. Neither of them expected Naruto to be that strong. Well, Temari had seen him fight Gaara, but it was still really weird for her to see that pipsqueak act so strong, or at least capable.

The morning might have been horrible, but the afternoon of their first day of being married was at least exciting.

**AN/ that was my first fight scene**

**Please tell me how I did, and how I might improve.**


	8. the self

Chapter 8

**AN/ pro tip: proofread anything thing that you type into your computer, there might be typos**

Training ground 7

Yugito knew rudimentary chakra healing. It was difficult for her to learn, due to her huge chakra levels, and she couldn't use anything beyond the scope of simple laceration healing. At the time of her wanting to learn medical healing, she was in the mindset of becoming a well-rounded kunoichi jonin, and making her village proud of her.

As she healed the wound on Naruto's back, which was a slow process, he tried to start a conversation.

"Hey Yugito?

"Yeah?"

"What do you fight for?"

This question caught her unawares.

"Well… I fight for the good of my village, and its people."

"No, I meant, uh… _Why_ do you fight? I guess?"

Yugito thought for a second.

Then another.

Then another.

Sensing that she might not have an answer that was easy to articulate with words, he gave his own reason, to help jog her thought processes. "I fight for the people who are precious to me."

"Oh?" she said in a surprised tone. "You're a Jinchuuriki from a nation that doesn't really trust Jinchuuriki. Who do you have that are precious enough to you that you fight for them?"

"I don't have a lot, but the few I do, I will fight to protect until my dying breath."

Yugito raised her eyebrows at the seriousness of his tone.

"Quite the stubborn guy aren't you?"

"I guess. So why do you fight?" he repeated.

"I… don't know, I don't have a reason."

"Everyone who fights, has to have a reason to fight. That's how they can truly become strong, fighting for a reason." Naruto gave the same speech that Haku had given him about true strength.

Yugito was silent for a while.

"Don't you have anyone to fight for?"

"Not anymore."

That shut Naruto up really quick.

"So what was up with you in the shared mindscape?" she asked her own question.

"What do you mean?"

"Well when you first went in there, you were talking about how you 'took that teme's chakra as rent', but then you started spewing apologies to it. That was quite the 180."

"… I don't know, I guess that when I heard about what he went through, I felt like I could relate to him a little. Pervy-Sage had just given me a speech about 'understanding', and when the Kyuubi told us about the stuff that happened to him, I just kinda… reacted."

"Hmmm. You don't really seem to plan out your moves ahead of time, do you?"

"Oi!"

"But it seems that it always works best for you in the end." Even if that conversation happened to end with the Kyuubi ejecting everyone out of the shared mindscape.

"Oh… well Kakashi-sensei _did_ tell me that I was good at coming up with plans on-the-spot."

The healing had finished by the time he was done talking.

Unbeknownst to them, Kurotsuchi and Temari were having their own conversation, next to the unconscious Fu.

"I didn't think that he would have such powerful jutsu." Kurotsuchi said.

Truly, a B-rank clone technique, and an A-rank shape manipulation technique was quite the repertoire of ninja techniques. He was lacking in quantity, but making up for it in quality. Which was ironic, given his fighting style

"I've seen him fight a couple other times, but it's still really weird to think that he's that strong, he's always so childish otherwise."

"You've seen him fight before?"

"It was as the chunin exams, he beat a Hyuuga that was said to be the best of a generation, and he didn't even know the rasengan at the time."

"Holy shit."

"He also beat my brother while in his tailed beast mode."

"Gaara? Really? How?" Kurotsuchi asked.

"He also knows summoning, so he summoned a huge toad, and transformed it into a likeness of the Kyuubi."

"Really? Him?"

"Apparently he has huge chakra reserves."

"Oh?" Kurotsuchi's eyes lit up.

"What?"

"Weeeellll… you know what they say about men with large chakra reserves… don't you?" she looked at Temari suggestively.

"No, what?" Temari didn't notice the pervy leer that Kurotsuchi was giving off.

Kurotsuchi leaned really close to her ear, and cupped her hand around her mouth.

"They have huge dicks." She whispered.

Temari gained a huge blush and started spluttering out unintelligible sounds. All the while Kurotsuchi was almost doubled over in laughter.

This woke up Fu, and attracted the attention of Naruto and Yugito.

"What's so funny?" he asked, wanting to get in the fun.

"NOTHING!" Temari shouted.

"Wait, what?" Fu asked groggily.

Kurotsuchi knelt down, leaned in close, and started whispering in her ear. After the tale was done, Fu also sported a huge blush, and wouldn't look Naruto in the eyes.

"Okay, now _I'm _curious." Yugito said.

Kurotsuchi whispered in Yugito's ear as well, not wanting Naruto to hear.

Yugito didn't react outwardly when the tale was done. "I thought that theory was disproven." She stated.

"There's a correlation." Kurotsuchi said with a mischievous smirk.

"What are you guys talking about" Naruto asked, getting frustrated now.

Yugito looked at him dead in the eyes, with the upmost seriousness that a proud jonin of the hidden cloud village could muster.

"It's about our periods."

This statement only made Naruto look even more confused, which set off another round of laughter for Kurotsuchi.

Yugito looked at the situation with a light feeling in her chest.

'This is actually kind of fun.' She thought to herself. She couldn't remember the last time she had that feeling in her chest.

The feeling of actually enjoying herself.

The sun's position told her that it was about 4-5ish.

"So what do we do now?" she asked.

Naruto and Fu were still beat up from their spar, and Kurotsuchi and Temari were still low on reserves from that morning; so that crossed out training. It was late-ish, but not late enough to get dinner.

Fu started to gingerly get up. "Why don't we go to the hot springs?"

"That sounds like a great idea." Temari said. The massacre of an entire forest was always good for the soul, but nothing helps people unwind like soaking in hot water.

Kurotsuchi, Naruto, and Yugito also agreed with Temari's sentiments.

They all started walking towards the hot springs while in a comfortable silence.

The trip to the hot springs was going to be a good way for them all to unwind, and to reflect on their day. However, as they all stood in front of a sign on the hot springs entrance in silence, they waited for someone else to say something.

The sign read 'MIXED BATHING DAY.'

Fu, mentally, didn't feel comfortable bathing with the opposite gender.

Fu, physically, really just wanted to soak her aching body in some hot water, and call it a day.

Her physicality won the inner debate.

"I don't care, I'm going to soak." She said gruffly.

She went in, and the rest followed. Naruto felt slight trepidation walking in after them, for he had a gut feeling that something bad was going to happen to him.

After he had undressed and washed, he put on a towel to cover his sensitive bits, and went into the springs, now devoid of a divider. Luckily there were only 4 other people there, unluckily, they were people he interacted with regularly.

He stood at the side of the bath, looking at the members of team 8, unsure of what to do. Hinata was blushing up a storm, which Naruto chalked up to the bath heat. Kiba looked at Naruto with slight confusion. Shino barely reacted at all, he also had his glasses on, which was weird. And Kurenai was glaring daggers.

"Uuuhm, can I come in?" he asked. He didn't need to ask, after all, he had already paid to get in. But the look that he got from Kurenai made him think twice about it.

"…" Kurenai continued to glare at him. "If you came in here to peep on women, like your sensei-"

"What? Nononono, I don't peep on women." he said quickly. "I came here with some friends." Naruto was getting nervous at the look that Kurenai was giving him.

Her expression cracked however.

"Okay, just stay on that side." She said, pointing to the opposite side of the bath. Naruto quickly entered

"So who are you here with?" Kiba asked.

"Oh, uuhh, just some friends?" he said, while Kiba deadpanned.

"Yeah, I heard you the first time. I was asking for names."

"Why are you so interested?" he asked defensively.

"Why are you so defensive? I'm curious."

It was at this moment that Yugito walked in, and sat down next to Naruto.

"If you look…" she gave a forewarning.

"I won't! God, why does everyone think I'm a pervert?" he said exasperatedly.

"Uuuhhh, because of your sexy jutsu?" Kiba offered.

"That jutsu has real world battle applications." He said indignantly

"No it doesn't, you're just a pervert"

"Yeah it does, and I'm not a pervert."

"So you go out into the open battlefield, get everyone to look at you, then you change into a naked blonde, and everyone's out like a light?"

"No, it's supposed to work on an individual level."

"What if the individual isn't a pervert, or a woman?"

"It's a trump card!"

"Keep telling yourself that. You just created that jutsu so you could look at yourself in the mirror"

"What?!" Naruto turned a bright red. "I've never done that once."

"I am willing to bet a large amount of money that that's the exact reason the jutsu was made."

"It wasn't!"

"It so was."

"Who is she?" Shino interrupted.

Naruto looked at Yugito in realization. "Oh, sorry, this is Yugito, and these people are Hinata, Shino, Kiba, and Kurenai-sensei." He said, gesturing to each of them in turn. "Where are the others?" he asked Yugito.

"Still getting ready." She said to him. "It's nice to meet you." Yugito said, greeting the other occupants.

"Her chakra is abnormal, like yours." Shino said in monotone.

This made her tense up immediately.

"Uhh" she mumbled out.

Naruto didn't know if Yugito being a Jinchuuriki was a secret that needed to be kept.

"…We can't… tell you… why" Naruto got out with difficulty. Better safe than sorry.

"I wasn't looking for an explanation, I was just making an observation."

This made Naruto and Yugito visibly relax.

"Oh, oh Christ Shino… you… you are a strange one." Naruto said, it felt like he almost had a heart attack.

Shino looked on impassively.

"Uuum, how do you know Naruto-kun?" Hinata said quietly.

"We met yesterday at the peace talks, he's showing me around Konoha."

"Peace talks? You're from a different village?" Kurenai asked.

"Cloud."

"Since when were we having peace talks with cloud? I thought that we were still on bad terms after the Hyuuga incident."

"The peace talks happened yesterday, and it's a long story as to why it happened." Yugito stated.

Enter Fu, Temari, and Kurotsuchi; who all sat down opposite of team 8.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." Fu moaned out when she hit the water. "I love hot springs. There aren't any good ones in waterfall." Or at least any that would let her in.

"Waterfall is in on the peace talks as well?" Kurenai asked. Waterfall was on good terms with Konoha, but there weren't any formal treaties with it.

"Huh? Oh, the peace talks… yeah, waterfall is there too." She said offhandedly, not really caring at the moment.

"Yo, I'm Kurotsuchi of stone, and this is Fu of waterfall, and Temari of sand." Kurotsuchi said, introducing the rest of their group.

Kiba introduced team 8, while Kurenai's eyes went wide.

"There are peace talks with stone, sand, cloud, and waterfall?" this wasn't just delegates coming to talk about peace treaties and trade agreements. This was the formation of an alliance.

"Yeah, Tsunade-Granny is going to talk about it at her inauguration." Naruto said, sinking into the soothing waters of the spring.

'Should I be talking about this? Meh, I don't really care, granny owes me.' Naruto thought to himself.

All of Naruto's group began to thoroughly sink into relaxation.

After about half an hour, Kurotsuchi's eyes opened with a mischievous glint, and after about 5 minutes of inner debate over whether or not she should do what she was thinking of doing, she asked Naruto a question.

"Can you grab me the brush over there?" she said, pointing out of the bath.

Naruto's eyes opened up. "Oh, sure."

Naruto began to get up, paying special attention to keep the towel over his sensitive area. Just when he was out of the water, Kurotsuchi pinched an edge of his towel, and pulled hard.

The towel came off, he yelled in surprise and turned around to face Kurotsuchi, who still had his towel, inadvertently flashing all of the occupants of the bath.

Hinata fainted and sunk into the water, Kiba's eyes grew wide, Shino didn't look the least bit perturbed (and also went over to make sure Hinata didn't drown), Fu sported a mighty blush, Temari looked away quickly, Yugito stared without a care in the world, and Kurenai's eyes opened up just in time to see the flashing. Her eyes narrowed just as fast, and began to start a genjutsu.

Naruto quickly covered himself. "No! Wait, I don't!... uuhh." Naruto, too flustered to talk, ran quickly back into the locker room area.

Kurotsuchi was giggling madly. It wasn't that she wanted to see his junk, it was just that she found extreme pleasure in seeing him embarrassed.

She twirled around his towel, and looked at Yugito. "See, I told you. Correlations."

"Correlations indeed. I'm going to check up on him." He didn't look to be in the best of emotional states when he ran off after all.

She went into the locker room, only to find a note reading. 'I'm at home.' Yugito shrugged, walked into the bathing area, and informed its other occupants.

Fu looked at Kurotsuchi and asked, "Don't you think that was a bit much?"

Kurotsuchi gained her trademark mischievous smile. "Oh? I didn't see you looking away."

"But, that's. Uhm…." Fu started to fumble for words.

"That's what I thought." Kurotsuchi said, ending the conversation.

Back with Naruto, we would see him making a few pit stops at various stores before making his way back home.

When Naruto's wives decided that they had enough of the hot springs, they headed back home as well.

When they arrived, they saw that Naruto was busying himself with cooking dinner. It looked good; chicken, potatoes, and various other greens, all looking like they were cooked, or in the process of being cooked to perfection.

"You can cook?" Temari asked.

"I just follow the instructions on the book, it's no big deal."

"Still, this much…"

"I wanted to make you guys feel a little bit more at home" Naruto responded angelically.

A bit too angelically.

The food was almost done, so everyone took spots at the dinner table. Naruto mentally marked where everyone was sitting, and then brought the food over, with a foxlike smirk on his lips all along the way.

The food was really good. It wasn't perfect, after all, perfection couldn't be expected from someone who had just made the dishes for the first time. But it did make everyone feel better about the arrangements that was forced upon them.

If only slightly.

Kurotsuchi felt particularly guilty for what she did at the baths. She didn't expect him to put it behind him so fast, or that he would make such a delicious meal for all of them in spite of it. She felt an innate desire to apologize to him, but when she made eye contact with him, and she saw such innocent, genuine eyes, the words dyed in her throat. How could she explain to him why she had done it? 'I find pleasure in seeing you embarrassed' is hardly an acceptable apology.

It's a really good thing that she didn't apologize, as Naruto might have felt bad for what was planning to do to her. He still would have done it, but he would have felt slightly guilty about it.

"So Yugito, you never did tell us how we did in our spar" Fu stated

"Oh yeah," Yugito paused to swallow the food in her mouth.

"Well, you" she pointed to Naruto, "need to work on taijutsu, or at least the grappling and counter-evasion aspect of it. Fu would have won multiple times over before the spar ended with all of the holds she put you in." Yugito paused again to stuff her face full of food and swallow.

"And you" she pointed to Fu this time, "need to work on foresight. Or at least consider any traps or ambushes that the enemy might have made."

"What about Naruto?" Temari said, cutting in "he rushed into every engagement."

"He only rushed in when he knew that Fu couldn't have made any traps, such as with the taijutsu engagements. After that, he had clones attack Fu before he went in."

Naruto smiled with a mouth full of food, and started scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. He hadn't actually done that purposefully, that was just how it worked out for him.

"Hey Yugito?" asked Naruto, "How do I go into my mindscape by myself?"

"You just think hard about it."

"Oookay… define 'think hard'."

"Stop thinking of anything other than the Kyuubi, or the mindscape; and you'll get sucked right in. It might be hard the first few times, but you'll get used to it. Do you have anything to ask it?"

"Nothing really, I just thought that the Kyuubi might get lonely, and would want someone to talk to."

Yugito and Matatabi have never really conversed other than when necessary, but they both have a grudging respect and trust in each other. That trust is needed when the tailed is beast is given free reign of the mindscape. Although she knew that Bee and Gyuki talked a lot, she had always thought of Bee as a _very_ unique shinobi. So she was slightly surprised when she heard Naruto basically say that he was going the friendship route.

"Well, be careful, the tailed beasts aren't the most sociable of things."

"Okay."

At this point the food was almost all eaten up, and everyone had decided to go to bed early. As they hadn't had the best of awakenings the prior morning.

Everyone went to their rooms, and Naruto to the couch again. He put on his trusty penguin sleeping hat, and started to feign sleep.

Naruto waited until he heard snoring from Kurotsuchi's and Fu's room, before he snuck in, and enacted his plan.

00000000

Yugito woke up extremely thirsty, and started to wonder whether or not she should leave the confines of her king sized bed to get some water. However, soon the thirst became so unbearable, that she had no other choice than to walk to the kitchen to get some water.

On her way back from the kitchen, she noticed Naruto sleeping on the couch. Or, more accurately, she noticed the position that he was sleeping in.

It looked really uncomfortable.

He even had a pained expression on his face as he slept.

She knew that she should have just let it alone, but upon remembering the dinner that he made everyone, and his embarrassing scene at the bathhouse, she figured that he could at least use some comfortable sleep. He was just a kid, after all.

She walked over, and tried to position his body in a more comfortable state. Which only made it look worse. She tried again, only to succeed in knocking Naruto off of the couch, subsequently waking him up.

"Huh! What?! Oh… it's only you Yugito… what do you want?" he said, in between various states of confusion. He noticed that she was in neko pajamas.

"You… looked uncomfortable, so I tried to position you better." She said in a slightly embarrassed tone.

Naruto sighed. "I'm fine, you don't need to worry." He climbed back onto the couch, into a 'sleeping' position, which still looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Look… *sigh* you can sleep in my bed tonight."

He's just a child, right? So it should be okay.

"Oh!? Uuumm, its fine"

"No, it's not. That couch looks really uncomfortable."

It was true. That couch was definitely not designed for being slept upon.

"… If it's really okay…"

"Just stick to your side, and I'll stick to mine." She gave him a small smile

Naruto smiled back at her.

00000000

He was having trouble sleeping. He had never slept in the same bed with someone else, so he didn't know the etiquette. As he was busy worrying over what he was, and wasn't supposed to do, he didn't notice that Yugito hadn't fallen asleep as well.

"That's a cute hat." Yugito said, in regards to his sleepwear.

Apparently, she was having trouble sleeping in the same bed as well.

"Oh? Thanks." Naruto was slightly surprised, as he thought that she had fallen asleep.

"Having trouble falling asleep?" she asked.

"Yeah, I've never slept in the same bed with someone else before."

"Hm. Neither have I." Yugito responded sleepily.

"Oh, haven't you had… like, you know, a boyfriend before?"

Yugito's eyes opened upon realizing her slip of the tongue.

"Well… when people are scared that you might lose it at a moment's notice, transform into a giant two-tailed cat, and started murdering people. Potential suitors stop showing up." She said quietly.

"I thought Kumo really liked their Jinchuuriki, why do people think that you would do that?"

"It's happened before."

Naruto's eyes opened wide in surprise.

She sat up from bed. Now fully awake. She had a slightly somber expression on her face.

"Don't tell anyone else what I am about to tell you."

"Oookaay" Naruto said in a nervous tone.

She breathed out a might sigh, and started her story.

"When I was a kid, the third Shinobi war was happening. I was the Jinchuuriki of Matatabi at the time. We have a process in which Jinchuuriki can attain the full powers of their tailed beasts through a method of self-realization, but children, for some reason, can't do that. I was an 'untapped war asset' so instead, I was put through a detestable regimen, where I would learn how to use the bijuu's power. It eventually worked, and I was put on a genin team, to help with my lack of teamwork abilities. I loved them. We ate together, slept around the campfire together, laughed together. I finally had friends." Her eyes started to tear up. "On our third deployment into the battlefield with 5 other teams, we were ambushed by leaf ninja. It was at least 10 to 1 odds." She paused. "My friends both died instantly. There were no heartfelt last words. There were no tearful goodbyes. They were just gone. I remember a feeling of pure, unadulterated rage, and that's all I remember of the battle. When I came to, I was being carried back to Kumo by the lone survivor of the conflict, a jonin that I didn't know. Apparently I lost it, and turned into Matatabi. I was told that I had killed everyone, even people who were on my side. The jonin must have told other people what happened, because after that, I was held at arm's length by everyone at Kumo. I don't think that I was ever hated, after all, I had killed scores of leaf ninja. Without me, the entire platoon would have died, and the leaf ninja would have continued to live. But with me, at least 100 of the leaf shinobi died. It didn't matter how in control of my emotions I had become, it didn't matter that I had accomplished self-realization, and gained full control of my powers. People didn't trust me. And ever since then, I've been alone."

A lone tear slid down her cheek.

"I trust you." Naruto said quietly

"Huh?"

"I trust you."

She gave a dry, choked laugh. "You hardly know me."

"But still, I trust you."

"And why do you trust me?"

"I don't know, you just seem like a trustworthy person."

"Heh. Thanks." She said, slightly sarcastically.

"… I know what loneliness feels like. It feels horrible, like nobody even accepts your existence, like nobody will acknowledge you. I don't want anyone to ever feel that pain." Naruto said, in a moment of sincere seriousness. "The reason I fight, is to protect the people who acknowledge me, my most precious people. If I fight to protect you, will you fight to protect me?" he offered a fist.

She looked at it for a while.

"Sure." They bumped knuckles.

"So how does it feel?"

"What?"

"Not being alone anymore?" Naruto said with a grin that almost split his face.

Yugito looked upon his smiling visage, and said silently uttered "It feels good."

They both laid down to rest, and proceeded to have the best night's sleep that either of them had ever had in their respective lives.


	9. the advancement

Chapter 9

Naruto woke up the next morning in a bit of a pickle.

Namely he was being spooned by Yugito.

She didn't just have an arm draped over him. She was completely hugging him, with both her arms and legs holding on tight to him.

It was the type of hold that someone would expect another to use on a teddy bear, or a hugging pillow.

The perfect glomp

Needless to say, Naruto couldn't break free. Not without waking up Yugito, and he was very afraid of what would happen if she was suddenly awoken while they were in that position.

They might have bonded last night, but Naruto still didn't understand the enigma that was the female mind.

So he went back to sleep, it was rather comfortable in that position after all. And since she was the big spoon, once she woke up, she wouldn't be able to blame him.

Kurotsuchi woke up the next morning in a bit of a pickle as well.

Namely, all of her clothes that she took with her via storage seal were dyed a bright, neon pink.

The only other thing that she had that wasn't dyed pink, was her sleepwear, which consisted of black mesh panties and a plain, white T-shirt.

She couldn't go outside in either wear.

She quickly put on pink pants, and stormed out of her room to look for Naruto. Fu was just glad that the source of the snoring had vanished, and that she was able to get some more shut-eye.

00000000

Kurotsuchi checked the entire house (sans Temari's or Yugito's rooms), but couldn't find him.

'He must have gone to mission assignment, or something' Kurotsuchi figured.

She wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, not since she was so fired up at the moment. So she put her excess energy into making herself breakfast.

Getting angry in the morning with no outlet for it really makes one hungry.

She cracked some eggs into a bowl, and started to furiously beat it into egg paste. After that, she cut up some ham and greens, and mixed those in as well. And fried the whole thing.

It turned out to be a huge fucking omelet. She had put waaaay too many eggs in.

But, in her fired up state, she decided that the omelet wouldn't go to waste, and was determined to eat the whole thing.

She placed the huge omelet on the table, and sat down in the chair that she had sat in the previous night. She wasn't expecting it to collapse under her weight.

Kurotsuchi shrieked as she fell down. She was not expecting that.

She grumpily got up, and sat down on another chair to begin eating, but only got halfway before she needed to stop and rest.

00000000

Temari walked in on a strange situation.

Kurotsuchi was on the couch, holding onto her distended stomach, while groaning. She was wearing horrible pink neon pants, and there was half of a huge fucking omelet on the table, where there was a broken chair next to it.

Temari chose not to comment, and sat down to eat some of the huge omelet.

Fu walked in, sat down, and began eating the omelet without comment as well.

It was a surreal sight.

It was 9:30 before they had eaten their fill, and Temari decided to wake Yugito up for the day.

Which led to Temari walking in on another strange situation.

Naruto was being held to Yugito like a hugging pillow in the bed that they were sharing. There was a sheet covering them, so she couldn't be sure of their states of dress.

She quickly closed the door before she could wake up its inhabitants.

With a blush on her face, she reentered the kitchen.

"Sooo, Yugito was… with Naruto" Temari said, unsure of how to articulate what she saw.

"What!?" Kurotsuchi questioned loudly, sitting up.

"He was here all this time?" Kurotsuchi muttered under her breath. "Were they…" she made the hand motion for sex.

"I don't know." Temari said, still blushing.

"Eh, bleh… wow." Fu was a loss for words. An affliction that seemed remarkably common as of late.

"I am sooo killing that kid." Kurotsuchi said, getting up from the couch.

"Why? They are… married, after all." Fu stated, with a heavy blush.

"He works fast" Temari muttered under her breath.

"What? NO! He dyed all of my clothes pink!" she cried indignantly.

They breathed out "Oh." Now understanding Kurotsuchi's choice of clothing.

"But, if they were…" Temari paused "then wouldn't Yugito get angry if you attacked him?"

Kurotsuchi looked like she was on the verge of exploding. "Like I give any fucks. All of my clothes are ruined. I can't go outside."

"Well, you did make him flash his friends…" Fu said.

Kurotsuchi turned around and punched a wall.

On the back of her T-shirt were the characters for 'Pinkutsuchi.'

Neither Fu nor Temari decided to bring that up.

They all heard the door to Yugito's room open. None of them moved as they heard Yugito slowly walk into the kitchen area, wearing her neko pajamas.

"You guys are really loud." Yugito said, sitting down.

She started to stretch her body out, while sitting at the table. "Ah, that was the best night ever." She said, unknowingly confirming an untrue notion held by the 3 other kunoichi. Yugito began to dig into the omelet, which was almost gone.

"You fucking shotacon." Never let it be said that 'Pinkutsuchi' was not blunt.

Yugito spat out her food in surprise. "What?!"

"You fucked Naruto. Isn't he like half your age?" 'Pinkutsuchi' asked,

"I didn't fuck anybody!" Yugito cried incredulously. Which was rather out of character for her.

"Then why were you two sharing a bed, while you clung onto him like a hugging pillow?" Temari asked.

"He looked uncomfortable on the couch! So I let him sleep with me!" Yugito, at this point, was sporting a massive blush.

"Then why were you cuddling him?"

"I must have done it in my sleep!"

Silence reigned amongst the four wives of Naruto Uzumaki.

Yugito was glaring at all of them, as if daring them to say something.

The door the Yugito's room opened again. None of them moved as they heard Naruto slowly walk into the kitchen area, wearing his pajamas.

"You guys are really loud." Naruto said, sitting down.

He noticed that they were all glaring at him.

"What?"

"Nothing." Yugito said.

"Nothing, my ass. You dyed all my clothes pink!" Pinkutsuchi cried out.

"Well don't mess with the prankster king of Konoha." Naruto said nonchalantly. He began to chow down on the nearly gone omelet.

"Naruto… what did you do?" Yugito said dangerously.

"I dyed all of her clothes pink, and messed with the chair that she sat down in last night." He looked at the pile of timber that used to be a chair.

"That was you too?!'

"You shouldn't prank people. You are a chunin from Konohagakure, act like it." Yugito stated.

"Yes Ma'am." Naruto said, with his head lowered.

She looked at him with affection.

Yugito didn't love him. At least not romantically. To her, he was like an annoying little brother, or at least what she thought having an annoying little brother would be like. He was immature, and loud. But he understood her. And she did care for him in that way.

To make someone so closed off from other people able to trust him in a matter of less than 24 hours is nothing less than remarkable. But he was Naruto, that's sort of his MO. That and Yugito has always unconsciously had a desire to connect with other people, something that she was unable to do back in Kumo.

Pinkutsuchi looked like she was about to murder him, but decided it unwise when she received a glare from Yugito.

She sighed in defeat. "Hey Temari, I'm going to borrow some of your clothes."

Temari didn't deny her that luxury.

When Yugito's attention was drawn back to breakfast, Naruto looked over his shoulder and started making faces at Pinkutsuchi.

Her left eyebrow began to twitch violently.

'I am sooo getting him back for this.'

Some ninja continue the cycle of hatred through senseless killing and a lack of understanding. Kurotsuchi and Naruto would continue the cycle of pranks though lots of glue, rubber, dye, and absolutely no apologies.

And it would be glorious.

To them at least.

00000000

Front Gates of Konoha

Team 7's mission had not gone well.

It was a success, but it would not be an understatement to say that the mission went FUBAR.

It had ended with Sasuke and Sakura knocked out due to injuries, and Kakashi carrying both of them back to Konoha.

Nobody was in a good mood. Or more accurately to say, nobody would be in a good mood once everyone was woken up.

After handing both of them to the hospital, he headed down to the Mission assignment to give his report.

00000000

Back at the house.

"Hey Fu, can you help me with my taijutsu?" Naruto asked, using the sweetest voice that he could conjure.

"I _can_"

"Yatta!"

"But what's in it for me?" she said with a smirk on her face.

Naruto deflated. But quickly rose up to the challenge "What do you want?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Well?"

"I don't want anything at the moment." She replied cheekily.

"I'll owe you one." Naruto said enticingly.

"And what would you owe me?"

"Anything." She looked at him with slight mischief in her eyes. "Within reason" he quickly added once he saw the look in her eyes.

"Hmmmmm…"

"Pleeeeeaaase." Naruto said in a slightly whining voice.

"Okay, okay. It's not like I have anything better to do."

"Yatta!"

He ran out the door, and bid Fu to follow him.

"I'm going shopping" Kurotsuchi said.

She traded out her pink pants with some of Temari's normal brown pants, one of the few pairs of pants that she owned, but neglected to change shirts. So she was still walking around with 'Pinkutsuchi' on her back.

"I'll go with you" Temari said.

"I'll go too." Yugito said as well.

They both went to change into their outdoor clothing, and met up at the door

00000000

Training ground 17.

Training ground 17 was basically just a flat, grassy plain. Perfect for taijutsu, or genjutsu training.

"Okay, what do you want to know?"

"Taijutsu."

Fu deadpanned. "What aspect of taijutsu."

"Uuuuhm, what did Yugito say I needed to work on?" Naruto asked sheepishly.

"Grappling, and counter-evasion."

"Okay. Got it. What's grappling and counter-evasion?"

Fu deadpanned again. "Grappling is basically using an opponent's momentum against them, using grabs, feints and throws. Counter-evasion is evading the opponent's strikes, usually when they counter, or grab you."

"Wow, you're really smart."

"Not really, it's just the basics of taijutsu."

"Well we weren't taught that in the academy in Konoha."

"We weren't either. I learned this from my sensei. What have you been learning?"

"Uhhh, chakra control exercises, teamwork…" she nodded. "Aaaaaand that's it."

"…What? That's it? Chakra control and teamwork exercises? How long have had your sensei?"

"About… half a year."

"What!? That's insane!"

"We take missions too." He said indignantly.

"So have I. I've had my sensei for a year, and he's taught me taijutsu, genjutsu, kenjutsu, ninjutsu, survival techniques."

"Who is this guy? He could teach Kakashi sensei a few things about being a teacher."

Fu adopted a sullen look. "He died a month ago, on a secret mission."

"Oh… uh, sorry. What about your other teammates?"

"Never had any. I was assigned to my sensei along with two others, but their parents had them taken out of my team, so it was just me and sensei."

"I'm… sorry for your loss."

"It's okay." She took a deep breath. "Let's get started. Get in your normal combat stance."

He did so. Both legs bent into a crouch, with the arms in front of the torso and face.

"Okay, I'm going to throw a punch at you, do what you do normally when someone tries to hit you."

She wound back her arm, and threw a forward punch aimed at his torso. Which he blocked with one of his arms, and bent his torso slightly forward, to make the shock from the blow lesson it by having it be delivered through more surface area.

"Okay, that was a good block. But when possible, it's more effective to parry the blow."

He leveled a questioning stare.

She sighed "to parry means to redirect away from the body. For example, try to hit me."

He took his stance again, and threw a right-handed punch at her torso. She raised her left arm, and pushed his arm to her side of her. He lost his balance, and almost fell on his face.

"Parrying is more effective because it causes less harm on the body, it also takes less energy to perform, and if used correctly can be used to unbalance the target. However, it can be slightly difficult to perform, and blocking is better used when facing against a faster opponent. As a failed parry can leave openings that the enemy could take advantage of."

Naruto was soaking this up like a sponge. "Wow, you're already a better teacher than Kakashi sensei."

Fu glowed at his praise, she wasn't used to being looked up at with such admiring eyes.

'Teaching is kinda fun.'

"Okay, I want you to try to parry."

"Yosh" he said with a salute

She cocked her fist back, and threw it at his torso. He tried to mimic her previous move, but was a bit late. He moved the punch, but it clipped his shoulder.

He cried out in pain and surprise.

"I forgot to mention, if you partially parry the hit, then you run the risk of directing it somewhere else on your body. Which might be more devastating, because your body wouldn't be ready to defend in that particular area."

"You tell me that now." He said, slightly miffed. "Okay, do that again, I want to get this down right!"

"Okay."

She repeated the move, albeit slower, to give him a better chance at misdirecting the hit. He succeeded this time, even if he exaggerated his movements a bit too much.

"Yatta! I got it right."

"That was good, but now I'm going to show you how to parry other blows"

"Yosh"

She began to train Naruto in earnest, with her instructing him on the different blows, and how to parry them aside. It took up most of the rest of the morning, and a good chunk of the afternoon for him to get the moves down.

They were both huffing slightly after the strenuous training.

"You've got the moves down, but now you have to map them to muscle memory." She said.

"What?"

"In all taijutsu matches, you don't get the opportunity to think about your next move when you're trading blows. So you have to go through taijutsu movements often enough that when you are fighting, your body reacts to the enemy's movements without you having to think about it."

"Ahhh" Naruto said in realization.

He sat down on the grass.

"Can we take a break?" he asked.

"Yeah. Sure"

She sat down as well.

He clasped his hands together, closed his eyes, and scrunched up his brow.

"What're you doing?"

"I'm trying to enter my mindscape while my body rests."

"Oh, smart. I should probably do that too."

Naruto began to devoid any thoughts from entering his mind other than that of the Kyuubi and the mindscape. It was surprisingly difficult, as his brain was always trying to wander off onto other subjects. He opened his eyes to exclaim how impossible it was to focus on one thing, but his words died in his mouth.

Before him was the Kyuubi no Kitsune, in all of its nine-tailed glory. It opened its red eyes. Its sclera was red as well, which was abnormal, as usually only the iris was red.

"**What do you want, pitiful human?"**

"I… uuuuhh, just want to talk?"

Silence permeated the mindscape.

"**Leave" **the Kyuubi closed its eyes, and settled back down to sleep.

"No."

Its eyes opened up, this time in anger.

"**LEAVE, you pitiful human, I have no words to trade with you!"** the Kyuubi all but shouted at him.

"No"

The Kyuubi roared at him. It was an ear-deafening, heart-rending shout; that bespoke only of hatred and malice.

"**WHY. WON'T. YOU. DAMN. HUMANS. JUST. LEAVE. ME. ALONE. FOR. ONCE. IN. MY. LIFE?!"**

Naruto stood his ground. "Because I don't want anyone to know the pain of being alone."

The Kyuubi was huffing and puffing, it eventually laid back down, gave one more tremendous exhale, and leveled a glare at Naruto.

"**You aren't going to leave me alone. Are you?" **the Kyuubi asked exasperatedly

"Nope."

The Kyuubi gave another sigh. But remained silent.

Naruto decided to begin the conversation.

"What gender are you?"

This caught the Kyuubi's attention. **"I don't have one. Why do you ask? Or more importantly, why do you need to know?"**

"Well, when you were talking to the niibi and the hachibi, you all called each other 'it', and I was curious why you did that. Also, how can you not have a gender?"

The Kyuubi sighed again, it really didn't want to talk right now. **"I am a huge amount of chakra that has gained sentience over itself. I don't have a gender, because I can't reproduce. So, I lack a pronoun other than 'it'."**

"But you sound like a male, is it okay if I call you 'he'?"

"**Is it okay if I call you 'she'? I don't have a gender, but that means that I don't identify with either female or male. Just refer to me by 'it' or 'The Kyuubi'."**

"But… when something is called 'it', that means that it's an object without any sentience."

"**So invent a new gender neutral pronoun that can be used on beings of either no, or an unspecified gender. But until you do that, call me 'it'."**

That appeared to be the end of the discussion, because the Kyuubi got up, and turned around to lay down. It also flattened its ears against its head, signifying the lack of a want to listen anymore.

00000000

Fu was having a very different discussion in her mindscape.

"**Hiya, I'm Chomei, but you can call me 'Lucky Number 7'."**

Fu deadpanned. This 'talking to your bijuu' thing was going to be easier than she expected.

00000000

Training ground 17, physical world.

"HEY NARUTO, WAKE UP" Tenten screamed into Naruto's ear.

He was as still as stone.

This was weird. Tenten and Neji had just walked into their favorite training ground, and they had been greeted with the sight of Naruto meditating on the ground, next to an unknown kunoichi. Both of whom wouldn't react in the slightest to their prodding

"Do you think something's wrong?" she asked Neji.

"I don't know. Do you recognize the kunoichi?"

"Nope."

Naruto's eyes opened suddenly. "I don't thi-" Naruto went silent when he realized that he and Fu had visitors.

"Hey Tenten, hey Neji." He said amiably.

"Uh, hey Naruto. So what were you doing just now? And who is she?" Tenten asked.

"I was just… meditating. And this is Fu." He gestured to the meditating kunoichi.

"So you came over here just to meditate?" asked Neji.

"Well we were doing training before that. Oh! Neji, I wanna try something." Naruto got up, and stretched a bit.

"Try to hit me."

"What?"

"Just do it."

"Okay…"

Neji slowly got into his gentle fist stance, and threw a palm strike at Naruto. It was a simple palm strike towards the torso. One which Naruto read a mile away, and was able to redirect away from him. Neji, who was surprised by the parry, lost his balance, and stumbled to the side.

"Pretty cool huh? Fu's been teaching me how to parry." Naruto said with pride.

"Isn't parrying a term used for kenjutsu techniques?" Tenten asked.

"I don't know, Fu said that it was used in Taijutsu."

"Well you certainly surprised me." Neji said.

"So how has Bushy Brows been? Was granny able to fix him?"

They both grew somber expressions.

"Lee has a 50% of surviving the operation. He and Guy talked it over, and they decided to go through with it." Tenten said.

"Oh… that uuuhh. That sucks." Naruto said, unsure of what is proper to say in that situation.

"Yeah it does-"

Fu woke up suddenly, interrupting Tenten mid-sentence. "You'll never guess-" Fu grew silent as well, after noticing the company.

"Hey Fu, this is Neji and Tenten." He gestured to the two shinobi. "What were you going to say?"

"Weeeell I don't think that I should in present company." Fu said evasively.

"Why wouldn't we be able to hear it?" Tenten asked

"Uhhhhh. It's a secret?"

Nice one Fu.

"…Okay." Tenten didn't pry any further.

"Your mission was a success, I presume." Neji said.

"Oh, I never went on the mission. Pervy-sage needed to talk to me right before they left."

"Well I heard that it went pretty badly, both Sakura and Sasuke were hospitalized."

"What!? Are they okay?"

"Yeah, they're both walking around thanks to Tsunade-sama. Apparently it was just extreme exhaustion."

"I need to go see if they're okay. Are we done with parrying, Fu?'

"Well, yeah. But what you needed help with was grappling and counter-evasion. I taught you parrying because it's necessary for teaching you both of those other concepts."

"Teach me another time?"

Fu sighed in exasperation. "Okay, but I'm coming with you to meet your teammates."

"Why?"

"Because I don't have anything better to do." Fu spoke in deadpan.

"Okay, let's get going." Naruto sped off to the hospital with Fu in tow.

Both Tenten and Neji looked on at the pair.

"Well that was… different than usual." Tenten said.

"It was." Neji said in agreement.

00000000

Hidden sound base

"And how accurate is this information." Orochimaru asked Kabuto from his sickbed.

"Extremely sir. All 4 kage's have been seen having discussions, and I have seen the 5 Jinchuuriki for myself."

Orochimaru growled. This was going to substantially complicate his 'getting Sasuke away from Konoha' plan. Most of the top level shinobi were constantly away on missions, to show that Konoha was still strong. So there were only low-level shinobi left, who wouldn't be able to stop his plan from coming to fruition.

But if the kages really were all talking together at the same time, then that could mean an alliance. An alliance which would mean that the rest of the Jinchuuriki stationed in Konoha might be accosted to help with taking back Sasuke. Orochimaru knew of the sound 4's combat prowess, but he also knew almost for certain that they would be found out by Konoha, and that a chase would ensue. A chase that they would be taken over by if 5 Jinchuuriki followed them.

"Kabuto, get someone strong, I need to be carried somewhere."

"Er, yes sir." Kabuto quickly went to find the most physically imposing sound shinobi he could find.

Luckily enough, Orochimaru knew just the organization that was focusing on capturing all of the Jinchuuriki. An organization that he used to be a part of. An organization that he knew would help him if it meant they would be closer to their plan.

Akatsuki.

00000000

Academy administration.

Tsunade was having a slightly hectic day.

First, she had to get all the kage's together and give them the seals for the Hirashin.

The Hirashin tags would be useless, until applied to a flat surface.

They were all very wary of her idea of transporting the Kyuubi's Jinchuuriki. But after a lot of pleading, threatening, and just the tiniest bit of blackmailing. They all reluctantly agreed to it.

After all, she could only send one person to each village at a time. Even if Konoha decided to betray them, there couldn't be much damage at all from a single hirashin seal, of which could simply be destroyed.

After that, they departed to their respective villages, each leaving their retainers in Konoha.

Tsunade then went back to her studies. After meeting with Lee, and telling him news that would crush any normal person's dream, he met with his sensei and they both decided that he would go through with the operation that only had 50% chance of succeeding. This inspired her to at least go back through her medical studies, in an effort to up the percentage.

Then Jiraya decided to crash through the window.

Tsunade didn't outwardly react. And only gave an exasperated "What do you want Jiraya?"

"Awww, can't an old friend come over to say hello?"

"I'm busy, what do you want?"

"… Do you know where Naruto is?"

"I thought he was under your jurisdiction."

"Well I can't find him. He's not in the house, not at any of the training grounds, not at the ramen stand."

"Maybe he's at the hospital?"

"Why would he be there?"

"Because the rest of his team came back from their mission in such a bad shape, that I had to go over and heal them personally. And they were just exhausted, so that was a waste of time. And now here you are, wasting my time!" Tsunade yelled.

He quickly put up his hands. "Okay, okay, I'll leave you alone." And promptly jumped out another window.

Tsunade sighed and went back to her medical texts.

00000000

The hospital

Naruto and Fu were in the waiting room, waiting to be allowed permission to see Sakura and Sasuke.

"So what are your teammates like?"

"Weell... Sakura-chan is really nice, and pretty, and she's also a great ninja. Sasuke-teme is kind of a dick, but he can be nice at times, and he's dependable as a shinobi."

"I can't wait to meet them."

"Yeah, I hope that they're okay."

"They're fine, you heard Tenten; they're already walking around." Fu said assuredly.

"I hope so."

The nurse in charge of Sasuke's and Sakura's wellbeing bade them over, and told them that they were allowed to see the two.

Naruto walked hastily to the room that they were being held in, and opened the door.

Sakura was in bed, resting; and Sasuke was up, looking out the room's window.

Naruto put up a big, cheesy grin. "Hey teme, how'd the mission go?"

Sasuke looked at him. "How do you think?... We completed the mission, but Kakashi had to finish it, and carry us back to Konoha." Sasuke noticed Fu. "Who is she?"

"Oh! Uhhh, hi. I'm Fu." Fu said slightly sheepishly. She still wasn't very sociable around new people.

"Fu's been teaching me taijutsu." Naruto said with a grin. "And she's really good at it." Fu started to blush, she wasn't used to receiving such vocal exclamations of her prowess as a ninja. Especially in front of other people.

Sasuke started to seethe. Why was Naruto so strong? How was Naruto so strong? He was the dead last in the Academy, and now, Naruto was dangerously close to being stronger than Sasuke. NO! He wasn't dangerously close to being stronger than Sasuke, he was stronger than Sasuke. The one who beat Haku was Naruto. The one who beat Gaara was Naruto. And Sasuke just got pushed around by some queer looking shinobi with lightning sword. And now Naruto was receiving instruction from a taijutsu expert? This did not bode well for Sasuke.

It's not that Sasuke didn't like Naruto, it's not that Sasuke didn't think that Naruto deserved that power. No, it's just that Sasuke felt useless, and weak next to Naruto. He made up his mind to kill his brother, and avenge his clan; he wouldn't be able to do that with how weak he was.

Sasuke glared at Naruto, and unveiled his sharingan. Unnerving both Naruto and Fu

He was also very, very frustrated; and the constant pain of the curse mark didn't help in the slightest.

"Naruto, fight me."

"Huh?"

"Fight me."

"Like, right now?"

"On the roof, right now."

"But… you're injured."

"Tsunade just healed me. What's wrong? I thought you had wanted to fight. Did you chicken out?"

"No, if you want to fight, then lets fight."

Sasuke walked out of the room, and began to go up the stairs to the roof. Naruto followed him. Fu gave Naruto a queer look, which he just responded with a shrug.

Once they were up on the roof, they stood across from each other.

"I've been waiting to fight you for a long time, teme."

"Whatever you say, failure."

Sasuke adopted a battle stance.

"First, put on your headband."

"Hmph, you won't be able to put a single scratch on my head, so why bother?"

"That's not it, the headband signifies that we are equal shinobi of the hidden leaf."

"You will never be my equal, failure."

"Put it on!"

Sasuke, instead, rushed Naruto.

When he got close enough, Sasuke threw a punch at Naruto. Naruto had been waiting, and pushed the oncoming fist to the side of him, causing Sasuke to stumble slightly. Naruto took advantage of the opening, and threw a punch at Sasuke's face. The fist was blocked, and Sasuke jumped back, to give himself some space.

'The failure _has_ been training.'

'Woohoo, I actually pulled off that parry.'

Fu, who had been watching on the sidelines, gave a light smile.

Sasuke charged at Naruto once again, this time going in for a side kick. Naruto caught the kick, but Sasuke just fell to the ground on his hands, and with some quick maneuvering, raised his other leg to strike Naruto's face.

Naruto released his leg, and stumbled back. Sasuke jumped to his feet, and rushed him, throwing quick, successive punches at the blond. The strikes were coming too fast for Naruto to think about parrying, so his body reacted, blocked the majority of them. When Naruto's guard was down, Sasuke wound back his arm, and sent a straight punch for Naruto's face.

Naruto brushed the punch to the side, but Sasuke was anticipating that, and head-butted the blond using the momentum from the punch.

Naruto stumbled back again, and raced into the sheets that were hanging up.

Sasuke stood and watched the wall of white, waiting for any indication that Naruto was in there.

A sudden flap of one of the sheets drew Sasuke's attention. He raced towards it, hoping to catch Naruto off guard.

"**Shadow clone no jutsu"** was shouted out. Sasuke was surrounded by clones, some he could see, and others that were behind sheets. This wasn't good, the sharingan's predictive abilities were only good on what he could see.

Clones raced at him from all sides. One jumped on his back, but he threw it off of him, into a group of other clones. Another tried a jump attack, but Sasuke caught the appendage and threw the clone into another group. Two clones race at him from the side, the one on the left threw a punch at his head, the other, to his torso; Sasuke fell onto the ground, and caught them both in the chin with either of his feet.

Four different clones side tackled him, while he was on his hands, and shouted out "U-ZU-MA-KI" with corresponding hits to Sasuke's body.

He was launched in the air, and quickly began going through handseals, ending in the tiger seal. And spewed forth flames at the clones on the ground, dispelling them.

"NARUTO BARRAGE" Sasuke had anticipated the blond to be above him, so as he turned in mid-air, he crossed both arms on his chest, but was met with a clone dispelling.

He looked on the ground. His flames were being pushed to the side by the rasengan, which was in the process of being created. Sasuke went through handseals, and shouted **"Chidori"**

Fu was getting worried, but chose not to intervene.

Kakashi was sleeping soundly in the hospital below.

Sasuke was getting closer and closer, and just when he began to thrust out his Chidori; Naruto dispelled his rasengan, and threw all the weight he had into pushing the hand with the Chidori away from him. Naruto still got a shocking jolt for all of his troubles, but he successfully parried the blow away from him.

Sasuke fell to the ground, hard. His Chidori had dispelled and he tried to get up, but Naruto jumped on him, and put his arm behind his back.

"I win, teme."

This was the scene that Jiraya jumped in on.

**AN/ as always, tell me what you think.**


	10. the start

Chapter 10

Hours earlier

Orochimaru was in a large, ovoid room. He was standing, with difficulty, on a sharp protrusion, while going through handsigns.

A single silhouette appeared before him on another sharp figure that was hard to distinguish with little else to identify it other than purple eyes with a ripple pattern.

"**How are you able to contact us? We took your** **ring away."**

"Straight to the point then? I have my ways of getting into contact with people. But more importantly, I need your help, and I can help you."

The figure was silent for a while. **"Continue" **

"There are five Jinchuuriki currently residing in Konoha, as well as the Uchiha that I need for my new body. I plan to sway him to my side, but Konoha is going to try to chase him down. Konoha has almost no manpower at the moment, and if they are smart, they'll use the Jinchuuriki." Orochimaru paused, to make sure that the figure was still with him. Seeing a nod, he continued "I'll send my bodyguards, to sway and carry him back to sound. When they are being pursued, they'll split off in an attempt to stall for time, and if the leaf have any brain cells left, they'll split off as well. Creating perfect opportunities for your operatives to capture the Jinchuuriki."

Orochimaru used to belong to akatsuki, so he knew how they operated. The reason that they were split into 2 man cells was so they could keep track of each other better than if there were more. Having many different S-rank shinobi running around and throwing out huge wide scale attacks would increase the amount of friendly fires exponentially. Also, there was a need for at least 2 operatives to a given Jinchuuriki, any less and they run the risk of having casualties among the organization.

Having 10 akatsuki members and 5 Jinchuuriki running around, fighting each other all at the same time would be a complete an utter clusterfuck, so there was a need to separate them from each other and combat them individually. Orochimaru knew that, and made his plan sound as enticing as he could. The akatsuki weren't planning on capturing the Jinchuuriki for a while, but the chance at getting 5 at the same time would be too much for them to pass up.

Orochimaru was a shrewd, cunning bastard. The model shinobi.

The figure sat in thought for a long time.

"**How strong are your bodyguards?"**

"At least A-rank level, when fully powered."

The figure thought for a longer time still.

"**I will send five of my operatives, but your bodyguard unit will have to help in the capturing of the Jinchuuriki."**

An understandable notion, after all, only fools put all their eggs into one basket.

"Excellent." Orochimaru said, practically salivating.

"**When will your bodyguard unit take the Uchiha?"**

"Just be around the border to the Land of Rice Paddies next morning to afternoon. And intervene how you see fit."

"**Keep your end of the bargain, Orochimaru." **The figure knew how slippery, and conniving the snake was.

"I will be happy to, so long as the Uchiha makes it to the village hidden in sound, my bodyguards will help you take the Jinchuuriki."

He left the room, and got onto the back of the imposing shinobi that was waiting outside.

He would have to change his orders to the sound 4 slightly, but it should all go accordingly to plan.

00000000

Konoha proper.

Kurotsuchi was still slightly steamed. She was holding onto her shopping bags very tightly, signifying anger.

"I don't know what you're so mad about, the pink enhances your eyes." Temari said. Indeed wearing pink clothing did bring Kurotsuchi's pink irises out, which made her look far more feminine and pretty.

But Kurotsuchi didn't like that.

"Pink as a color has nowhere it could be successful as camouflage. Orange helps blend in with rocks during the morning and evening, blues help blend in in at higher climates, beige helps blend in with the sand, reds and browns help blend in with darker rocks. But pink is a color that could never help to conceal someone, and I hate that so much. Not only that, but I hate the color pink, and bright neon pink is the absolute worst!"

"Why do you hate pink?" Yugito asked, disinterestedly.

"Because it makes me look feminine, and I'm not feminine."

"You could say that again." Temari said under her breath.

"What was that?!" Kurotsuchi asked belligerently.

"You're digging yourself deeper. Wait, you said that you didn't like femininity, so what I just said is actually a compliment."

"It didn't sound like a compliment. It sounded like a dig."

Temari sighed. "You have to stop letting people get to you so much, you're going to die of an aneurism at a young age."

"Whatever you say, you fucking stoic."

A tic mark appeared on Temari's forehead. "What was that?"

"Isn't stoicism a compliment to a high caliber shinobi such as yourself?" Kurotsuchi said in the most insincere tone possible.

"I'm not a stoic!"

"Oh please, you're an emotional black hole."

"I do plenty of fun, and emotional things."

Kurotsuchi grabbed the bags that she had in her right hand with her left hand, then put raised her hand and put up three fingers. "Name three."

"I like flora appreciation."

Kurotsuchi ticked down one finger.

"I like training."

"Doesn't count."

"Grrr... I like… spending time with my family." Albeit, this was a fairly new hobby.

Kurotsuchi ticked another finger down.

"Uuuhhh… I like…" Temari was at a loss for words.

Kurotsuchi was waiting for an answer.

"… Whatever! I'm not a stoic!"

"Whatever you say, stoic-chan."

"Whatever _you_ say, Pinkutsuchi-chan."

"What did you call me!?"

Yugito looked on with a light smile on her face. It was kind of fun listening to their interactions. A slightly disarming thought, since they were sister-wives. But true nonetheless.

A gout of flames appeared on the rooftop of the building that they were next to. Yugito quickly looked, it was a hospital.

Her shinobi senses kicked in, and she raced up the walls of the building, with Temari and Kurotsuchi racing alongside her.

They were on the floor under the roof when the flames went out. When they reached the roof, they were met with a strange sight.

Their husband was holding down a shinobi with the sharingan, in an arm hold, with Fu looking on appreciatively, and Jiraya of the Sannin looking on in slight surprise.

"Is that the last Uchiha?" Yugito asked. She had fought several Uchiha in the third war, they were difficult opponents. She heard about the massacre, and was slightly relieved at the news that there were only two left. However, now she was looking at the one survivor that stayed in Konoha, which unnerved her quite a bit.

"Huh?" Naruto turned around and looked at them in surprise. "When did you guys get here?"

"We were surprised when the roof of a hospital suddenly caught fire, so we jumped in to help." Yugito said.

"Oh, hehe, sorry. That's teme's fault here." Naruto said, releasing Sasuke.

"You know the last Uchiha?" Kurotsuchi asked.

"They're teammates." Temari told her.

"Huh? Wow kid, you are connected."

"Yup. Oh, teme, they are Yugito, Temari, and Pinkutsuchi."

"Kurotsuchi!"

"Tomato, tom_a_to."

If glares could kill, Sasuke would be committing genocide.

"Oi, what's wrong teme? I beat you fair and square. Now you have no choice to consider me your equal." Naruto said with a cheeky grin.

"Like I'd do that, failure." Sasuke tried to get up, but failed, and fell down. The fall from such heights had been particularly bad on his legs

Naruto caught him, made a clone, and passed off Sasuke to the clone to bring downstairs, next to Kakashi. Sasuke was trying to punch the clone off of him, but the clone was having none of it

Jiraya sighed "I'll go get Tsunade." He flickered away. She was in surgery, but he didn't know that.

Fu walked up to Naruto, "When you said he was a dick, you weren't kidding."

"He usually isn't that bad, I swear." He put on a slightly sad look. "*sigh* whatever, so what did you guys do today?" he said.

"Well we went shopping, to replace all of the clothes you ruined." She said vindictively.

"And I went training, to reclaim the pride I had, which you destroyed when you de-toweled me in front of my friends. So we're even."

When two people enter a prank war, things never get even. And then one who does concede equality, is always the loser.

Kurotsuchi huffed, and looked away. She wasn't going to concede

The three others looked slightly amused by their interactions.

Jiraya flickered back. "She's working on that Lee kid now. So I called a med-nin."

"Why does he need a med-nin? He's in bad shape, but come on."

"We need as many shinobi to lighten the load of mission taking as possible, and having the lone Uchiha on missions saves face."

"So the teme gets special treatment, huh?"

"Yup, being the last of line kind of does that to you."

"What about me? I'm the last Namikaze and the last Uzumaki. Why don't I get special treatment?"

"Says the kid with 4 wives."

Naruto blushed and looked to the side. "That's a punishment and you know it."

"Hey kid, what do you mean when you say that?" Kurotsuchi said, with a scary look on her face, while cracking her knuckles.

"Riiight… these are the faces of pure joy and happiness, aren't they?" he said, gesturing to the rest of his harem, who looked slightly uncomfortable.

"You got a smart mouth, kid"

"And you've got a slow one."

They glared at each other. Lightning appeared between their eyes.

"Pervy-sage, are you sure we can't get these marriages annulled? I don't think I can handle spending the rest of my life with her."

"Not if you want war."

"Holy fuck. Okay, explain to me, in detail, why these marriages will end war as we know it."

The four others listening wanted to know as well.

Jiraya sighed "you've been told why. If the common citizens and shinobi see the people that they look up to acting nice with each other, then they'll see that it isn't that difficult, and at the very least, they'll try to make it work as well."

"Why can't we just hang out with each other? Why do we have to be married?"

"Kid, your marriage is a symbol. The symbol for a long lasting relationship between the nations."

Naruto looked steamed, but relented. "Bah, fine."

"And who knows kid, you might learn to like them." He said with wiggling eyebrows. All five of them blushed slightly.

"You make all females wary of your presence." Temari said, summing up Jiraya's character perfectly.

"Perfectly put Stoic-chan" Kurotsuchi said with a grin

Fu gave a quiet laugh at the nickname

"Shut up Pinkutsuchi."

Fu gave a not-so quiet laugh at the nickname.

"See, you five are bonding already." Jiraya said with a smile.

Naruto decided not to rise to the jab. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to check up on how you're doing mentally. Your whole 'sulking' episode was kind of concerning. But you seem to be fine, so I'll take my leave." Jiraya flickered away.

"I think that after learning who my parents were, and then finding out that I'll never find love; I deserve a little sulking time." Naruto said to himself, through clenched teeth.

Naruto sighed, an affliction which he seemed to be much more prevalent as of late. "So what are you guys going to do?"

"Train, I guess." Kurotsuchi said.

"I could go for some training." Temari said, in agreement.

Yugito nodded.

"We can start your training in counter-evasion." Fu said.

"Woot, thanks Fu."

"Hehe, now you owe me two."

"What?!"

"You owe me one for the parrying, now you owe me one for the counter-evasion."

Naruto sighed. "You drive a hard bargain Fu. Okay, let's go."

00000000

Hospital room.

Sasuke was on the new bed, seething. Kakashi was in the bed next to him, awake now, and reading his ever present porn.

"What happened?"

"…"

Kakashi looked up from his porn, and asked again in a more severe tone "_What happened?_"

"Naruto beat me."

"Oh?"

"I'm too weak. He just gets stronger, and stronger, and I stay the same. I can never enact my vengeance the way I am. Not even the Chidori could beat Naruto."

"You used the Chidori on Naruto?"

"Hn"

Kakashi sighed, then closed his book. "Sasuke, Naruto is a fellow shinobi of the hidden leaf, don't ever use an assassination technique on comrades."

Sasuke seethed some more.

"You should give up on getting revenge for your clan."

Sasuke looked at Kakashi in fury.

"Nobody ever feels fulfilled from vengeance. It consumes their lives, and when they finally have their vengeance, they come to the sudden realization that they have nothing else."

"How do you know how I feel, perhaps if I killed every person who was close to you, then you'd have an inkling of empathy to how I feel. You scoff at my feelings, but if all your friends were dead, perhaps you'd feel slightly like how I do."

"Hm, you couldn't kill any of the people precious to me."

Sasuke looked at Kakashi darkly.

"After all, they're already dead. And if I wanted to kill the person responsible, I'd have to commit suicide."

Sasuke looked shocked. Kakashi got up from his bed and uttered nonchalantly, "I have to go pick up my next mission."

This left Sasuke alone, in his room, with 4 figures looking at him the building across from him.

00000000

Hospital, different room

Sakura woke up just in time to see the nurse making the bed that Sasuke left behind.

"Where's Sasuke?" She asked weakly.

"Oh, you're awake. I believe he went up to the roof with his two visitors."

"Visitors?"

"A blond boy who said he was the Uchiha's teammate, and his friend."

Sakura began to get up with slight difficulty.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just need to stretch a bit."

Once she was up, she began to walk to stairs to the roof.

Sakura was just able to catch Naruto and his merry harem before they left to train.

"Hey, Naruto."

"Oh, hey Sakura. You haven't met before have you?" he asked rhetorically. "This is Sakura. And this is Yugito, Temari, Fu, and Pinkutsuchi."

"Kurotsuchi!"

"Tomato, tom_a_to."

"Uhm, can I talk to you for a minute? Naruto?" Sakura asked.

"Uuhh sure." He didn't move.

"In private?"

"Oh, I was just about to go and train…"

"It's okay Naruto, you can just catch up later." Fu said with an upbeat tone.

"Okay." Naruto followed Sakura out the door.

"Why did you do that? I was _this_ close to pounding him into a fine paste with the pretense of training, and you ruined it!" said Kurotsuchi

"That's the girl that he's in love with." Fu said severely.

"Oh… never mind then… let's just… go." Kurotsuchi said. She may have wanted to grind the kid to dust, but even she knew when to draw the line.

The four of them jumped off the rooftop, and went in search of a proper training ground.

"So where do you want to go?" Naruto asked Sakura. They were walking out of the hospital, and proceeded to walk at a slow pace.

"Ichiraku ramen. Remember? You asked me out for a date there." Sakura said in a subdued tone.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry, a lot's been happening to me recently."

"Like what?"

"Uuuuhhh. You'll find out at Tsunade's inauguration."

Sakura thought that was weird, but chose not to comment.

They continued their walk at a slow pace. An uncomfortable silence dropped upon them as they walked to Ichiraku.

When they got there, Sakura was still silent. Even as she got her order.

Naruto started slurping his ramen loudly.

"So what did you want to talk about?" he asked

"Uuh, it's just… Sasuke's been kinda… different, lately." She said slowly.

"Yeah, a little, I guess."

She stayed silent.

"Hey, why do you love Sasuke?"

She lost her slightly depressed look, and turned to Naruto severely.

"I'm not going to give up on him."

He raised his hands. "I don't expect you to. It's just… I want to… understand, that's all."

She adopted a dreamy look. "Because he's cool, and strong, and he never backs down…" Sakura paused. "And whenever I'm near him, I feel like I'm a little stronger. I know that I'm weak compared to you two. But when I'm near Sasuke, I feel like I can be stronger, I feel like I'm already am little stronger."

Naruto sat in silence. "Thanks Sakura."

"For what?"

"I think that I finally understand you. You won't have to worry about me asking you on any dates anymore." Naruto said. He slapped some money on the table, enough for both him and Sakura.

"Why? I mean, it's not that I want you to, it's just… why?"

"You'll… find out at Tsunade's inauguration." Naruto said mysteriously.

Their 'date' had taken a considerable amount of time considering the amount of time the walk consumed. It was already dark, and Naruto knew that any training now would be pointless.

He headed out in the direction of his house. Leaving Sakura to start home.

When she had just reached her house, she got a sinking feeling in her gut that told her to go to the gates of Konoha. Somewhere in her subconscious, she knew that something bad was going to happen.

Naruto opened the door to his house. Nobody was home yet.

He opened a package of spaghetti, and started some simple red sauce. The blond cooked more than he could eat, and set the rest on the side for when his housemates showed up.

He couldn't think of them as his wives. They didn't interact like a husband and wife (wives) should. So for now, they're his friends, and housemates.

Naruto climbed into Yugito's bed, he was sure that she wouldn't mind. He was also really sore from the day's activities, and he didn't think that he could stand sleeping on the couch again.

About an hour later and his wives arrived, beat, and tired. They all just nuked the spaghetti, and climbed into their respective beds.

Yugito smiled down on Naruto, he looked so peaceful in his sleep. She quickly stripped, and put on her pajama's. Then glomped onto Naruto for the night, she was a cuddler after all.


	11. the retrieval pt 1

Chapter 11

"Wait, what?"

"Sasuke Uchiha has defected from the village, so I'm ordering you to make a team, chase him down, and bring him back to Konoha. He's expected to have companions of Orochimaru along with him."

Shikamaru seemed to fumble his words for half a second. But quickly regained composure. "I request a team consisting of only jonin and chunin."

"Can't, we have only the barest minimum of chunin and jonin residing in Konoha at the moment. You'll have to choose a team on your own. Remember, speed is of the essence."

Shikamaru nodded, and made to leave.

"Oh, wait." Tsunade was considering over whether or not she should get Shikamaru to recruit Naruto. He lives in the same house as his harem, and if Naruto flies off the cuff, he might convince some of them to join him. If any of them die or get seriously injured, it could be a huge diplomatic incident.

But then again, an Orochimaru that has the eyes of the Sharingan could be far worse than a political shitstorm, and Naruto might be the only one able to persuade Sasuke back to Konoha.

She wrote down something on a piece of paper. "Go to this address, its Naruto's new residence."

Shikamaru nodded again.

"And another thing, we'll continually send reinforcements as we find them."

Shikamaru left administration and headed to Naruto's house.

The house seemed lively, considering the shouting that was taking place inside. Shikamaru walked up to the door and knocked on it. The shouting was stopped, as he heard footsteps walking to answer the door.

It was the extremely imposing cloud jonin that opened it up. She was obviously in a bad mood.

This surprised Shikamaru quite a bit, he didn't know that she was staying with him. But he didn't comment, as he was working with very little time, and couldn't waste any on idle chit-chat.

She was also wearing neko pajamas, he idly noticed.

"Is this Naruto's residence?" he asked.

"Yeah…" she said warily. "Come in."

Shikamaru had just meant to talk to Naruto outside, but he felt compelled under the neko pajama woman's gaze to follow her instructions.

Inside he found Naruto sitting across from the Iwa nin, Kurotsuchi, if he remembered correctly. Looking on at them was the waterfall kunoichi, Fu; the cloud kunoichi, Yugito; and the sand kunoichi, Temari.

Yugito looked like she was in the process of berating Naruto and Kurotsuchi when he interrupted. As evidenced by the fact that both were looking solemnly at the table, and that Naruto was covered head to toe in shaving cream.

"What did you want, Shikamaru-san?" Yugito asked

"I came to tell Naruto that I'm recruiting him for a mission to go and retrieve Sasuke, who just deserted last night."

Naruto's eyes widened considerably. "What?!"

"Speed is of the essence, and we may encounter enemies of unspecified strength… if you need time to get ready, then meet me at the gates as soon as you can. Manpower is low, so you'll have to be at your best"

Shikamaru promptly left to find more recruits.

Naruto looked dumbstruck, but quickly ran up to the shower.

Yugito walked up to her room to begin putting on her ninja gear. After she was done, which didn't take any time at all, she walked sedately back to the kitchen area.

"Where are you going?" Kurotsuchi asked brusquely.

"I'm getting ready for the mission."

"He only specified that Naruto could go." Fu said quietly.

"He also specified that they're low on manpower."

"Okay, he'd probably accept you as part of his team. But _why_ are you going? You don't have to." Temari asked.

"I'm going in order to protect Naruto."

"You're going because of _him_? Why?" Kurotsuchi asked

"Because… to me, he's a precious person."

Kurotsuchi's mouth was agape. "And just when did that happen?"

"Two… nights ago." Yugito said sheepishly. She's been doing a lot of things uncharacteristic of her as of late. Such as being sheepish, or showing embarrassment.

"So you _did_ fuck the kid."

Yugito's cheeks turned a slight shade of red. "No I didn't. Why are you always thinking that?"

"Oh please, he _became your precious person_" Kurotsuchi said with no small amount of sarcasm. "On the night that you two started sleeping together? You are so fucking him, you shotacon."

Yugito pinched the bridge of her nose and let out a sigh. "We are not having relations. I just don't feel comfortable knowing that he's sent on a mission to retrieve a traitor, while fighting foes of unspecified strength on low manpower. Not only that, but if he dies, there would be an international incident." She said.

"I'm going too" Fu said.

"Why are _you_ going?" Kurotsuchi asked incredulously.

"Because… he's my friend. Even if we're married, he's my friend… I think. I've never had a friend before, but I think that the connection I have with him is friendship. So I'm going to protect him."

Fu also went upstairs to get her ninja gear, who was soon followed by Temari.

"Not you too." Kurotsuchi said. Words could not be able to accurately describe the feeling that Kurotsuchi was having right then. Of being sane in an insane world might come close to the feeling.

"If he dies on this mission, there would be a huge diplomatic incident."

"If he dies on this mission, we wouldn't have to be stuck in a loveless marriage anymore."

"This marriage could help in leading the world to peace." Temari said in a tone that spoke of finality, and continued to walk to her room to get her tools.

Kurotsuchi belted out a mighty sigh. "Fine, you fucking stoic, I'll go too." She said to herself.

Kurotsuchi also went to get geared up.

When Naruto burst out of his room, dressed, and bolted towards the door, he was met with his wives, all dressed in shinobi gear.

"What are you guys doing?" he asked.

"We're going with you, shithead." Was Kurotsuchi's courteous reply.

"Uh- why?"

"I'm going in order to protect my precious person." Yugito said with a light smile

"I'm going in order to protect my friend." Fu said with a big, Narutoesque grin.

"I'm going in order to protect the peace of the nations." Temari said blankly.

"I have absolutely no idea why I'm going." Kurotsuchi said with a defeated tone.

Naruto's eyes would have teared up if he had the time, however, he was working on borrowed time as it was.

"Alright! Let's go!"

Naruto burst out of his room and headed to the gates, with his harem in tow.

At the gates, he was met with the sight of Shikamaru, Kiba (and Akamaru), his sister Hana (and her dog trio), Tenten, Hinata, and Neji.

Quite the motley crew indeed.

"Who're they?" Hana asked, referring the foreign kunoichi with Naruto

"We're diplomats from different villages that've come to help." Temari said.

Tenten looked at Temari with slight concern, but didn't sense any malicious intent, so chose not to speak up. Having her back practically broken in half during the chunin exams didn't make her particularly trusting of the sand kunoichi

"I'm going to need a full report of everybody's battle skills. We'll talk as we run. Hinata and Neji, you bring up the rear and provide scouting details with your byakugan. Kiba, and Hana; you stay if front to track the scent. " Shikamaru stated in a professional tone.

They all nodded, and were all about to take off when Sakura ran up from the main road, to Naruto

There were tears in her eyes. "Naruto! Please… please bring back Sasuke." She dropped to her knees and began to cry in earnest.

Naruto looked on with slight solemnity in his expression. "Don't worry. Even if I have to break his arms, and carry him all the way to Konoha, I'll bring him back." Naruto said, and gave her a great, big, eye-blinding smile. In order to reassure her.

He turned around and took off before he could see her reaction. Everyone else, sans Sakura, ran after him.

The Sasuke retrieval mission had started.

"Tell me when you have the scent." Shikamaru told Kiba and Hana.

They both nodded.

"Okay, everyone tell me your battle skills."

Tenten: "I specialize in the art of ninja tools, and use my sealing scrolls to hide them all. In ninja tools, I make best use of thrown weapons."

Kiba: "I specialize in tracking and the use of Inuzuka specific jutsu."

Hana: "I also specialize in tracking and the use of Inuzuka jutsu. However, I'm also a trained medic."

Fu: "I'm a support fighter, but I also am skilled with kenjutsu." Fu didn't feel like it was necessary to divulge the secret of her being a Jinchuuriki.

Kurotsuchi: "I carry the lava bloodline limit, and can use it to make poisonous gas. I also know some earth jutsu for various ranges, and I'm also good at kenjutsu."

Temari: "I'm a long range support fighter, and I use my battle fan to amplify my wind-based attacks."

Hinata: "I-I use my Byakugan to help use my gentle fist taijutsu style."

Neji: "I do as well."

Naruto: "I can create shit loads of clones, and I'm really good at stalling the enemy."

Yugito: "I know many different body modification jutsu. I am skilled in kenjutsu, ninjutsu, some genjutsu, and rudimentary healing jutsu. I mostly use fire jutsu, and I'm extremely agile." Yugito also left out her status as a Jinchuuriki.

"I've picked up the trail. There are five different scents" Hana said.

"Good, let's pick up the pace. Hinata, Neji, tell me about anything that you can see ahead of us." Shikamaru said.

"Uhm, I can see two injured ninja about a half of a kilometer to the left of us, making their way to Konoha." Hinata said.

"We can't waste time to deviate the trail. We'll have to leave them alone."

They soon came up to a site where a small battle took place. "This must be where the two ninja got injured." Yugito stated.

"We keep on moving. Hinata? Neji?"

"I can't see anything." Hinata answered.

"Neither I."

He looked at Kiba and Hana.

"The scent's still here, but it's changed, become foul. Akamaru doesn't like it."

"Yeah, and I smell something else as well, something… different. Some things that are different" Hana said.

"Hmmm. I don't like this. It's so troublesome" Shikamaru said. "We move on, but keep your senses about you. These are companions of Orochimaru, we don't know what tricks they have up their sleeves.

Almost as soon as they left towards the scent, Neji spoke up. "I can see them, faintly, a couple of clicks away from us. They're resting."

"Okay, we're going to advance care-" Shikamaru stopped, and put his hands into the rat seal **"Shadow paralysis"** stopping Naruto from taking another step. There was a piece of thread directly under him.

"Okay, also be wary of traps. Hinata, call out any traps that you see directly in front of us."

"Y-Yes."

They began to move a much slower pace than before.

00000000

Kidoumaru sat up straight. "We're being followed."

"What?! How the fuck did anyone fall for your obvious as shit trap?" Tayuya asked

"I set second and third tier string traps under the first ones. But that doesn't matter, we're being followed."

"How many?" Jirobo asked.

Kidoumaru was silent for a couple of moments. "At least 8, probably more."

Sakon sighed. "Well at least we have the Akatsuki helping us out."

"Are we really being chased by 5 fucking Jinchuuriki? I know the Akatsuki is strong as shit, but still. Five fucking Jinchuuriki is a lot to beat the shit out of."

"And we also have to help capture them."

Tayuya sighed explosively. "This plan has so many fucking holes in it. Like what if they didn't send any goddamn Jinchuuriki? From what I hear, the Akatsuki operates for Jinchuuriki and money, and we don't got any money."

"Konoha is down shinobi as it is, and they don't know that we have the Akatsuki with us. It would make sense that they'd send them." Kidoumaru said

"And since when has Konoha operated on what strictly makes sense?" Sakon asked.

"Rrrrg. I don't know, and I don't care. We already have the Uchiha" Kidoumaru gestured to the weird looking barrel by his side. "And we already have the Akatsuki helping us out. So we just have to go with the plan, and hope for the best." Kidoumaru got up, and grabbed a hold of the barrel. "Let's go set the ambush in the clearing up ahead."

When the retrieval team was about to enter the clearing, Shikamaru held up his hand, signaling to stop. "Neji, Byakugan."

"They're there waiting for us. Four are standing, one is crouched in a… barrel? I think. And there are two more to the side of them."

"I thought there were only five." Shikamaru looked to Hana for an explanation.

"The two to the side must have not come with the four."

"So who are they?" Shikamaru asked

"U-Uhm, I don't know, but their chakra is really powerful." Hinata said.

"Troublesome, if we rush them, we might beat them with numbers; but we don't know how powerful they are. They also have set up an ambush of some sort, so we can't-" Shikamaru was interrupted by the flying three-bladed scythe that he was forced to dodge from.

"I can't fucking take it anymore! Blood for Jashin-sama!" a man wearing Akatsuki robes, with slicked back silver hair appeared before the group with a manic grin marring his face.

The retrieval team ran into the clearing, in order to get a better picture of what was going on. But they were interrupted by a large man with a Mohawk, hefting a boulder that would definitely be large enough to squash all of them at once. He threw it at them, seemingly with an ease that bespoke of great strength.

Kurotsuchi went through handseals, and shouted out **"Earth dome!"** several slabs of rock covered all of the retrieval team from the harm the giant boulder. However, the amount of chakra that needed to saturate the jutsu to make it strong enough that the boulder didn't crush it was fairly large, and Kurotsuchi was slightly winded from the effort.

Jirobo ran up to the dome that Kurotsuchi made, went through some handseals, and shouted out **"Earth dome of nothingness."** More rocks burst from the ground, and covered the dome. Creating a second shell that encompassed the first

The members inside the dome began to feel their chakra seeping away. Kurotsuchi had the worst of it, because she had to continually feed her chakra into the dome that she made to make sure that it didn't lose the chakra supporting it and fall down, crushing them.

Yugito, quickly thinking, jumped on the roof of the dome, and extended her nails into extremely long, thin, and sharp points. "Naruto, get a rasengan!" he nodded and spawned a clone to start creating the rasengan, while she started shoving, and slashing her long nails into the top of the ceiling, quickly destroying the top of Kurotsuchi's dome, and biting into the ceiling of Jirobo's dome. The dome on top of the other dome started to heal itself however.

Not expecting this, she gave a few more, extremely chakra enhanced slashes into the dome, some even breaking surface, and screamed "Now!" she jumped down to give Naruto a clear shot.

Naruto jumped up, and shoved the rasengan into the ceiling of the dome, drilling into the weak parts that Yugito created, and with a huge explosion of concussive force, blew the top of the dome up, and outwards. The sides of both shells of the domes fell down, not harming anyone.

Hidan was waiting for them however, and thrust the top two blades of his scythe into Naruto's chest cavity.

The Naruto impaled on his scythe poofed into smoke.

Yugito rushed Hidan, with both her hand claws and her feet claws extended. She went for an overhead slash at his scythe, which he blocked. But he wasn't expecting her to suddenly grab onto the blunt part of the scythe, and use it as leverage to ram her feet claws into his lower abdomen.

He jumped back with no discernable difficulty, which was strange considering that he had 10 puncture marks in his abdomen, which went straight through his body.

Kakuzu was looking on from the sidelines. 'Hmm that was smart thinking. The woman cut into the top of the dome and got the brat to launch his jutsu there, so that the dome wouldn't fall, and crush them. She also seems rather dexterous, and capable. The Niibi might be difficult to take down.'

The retrieval team jumped out of the remains of the dome, giving him a better look at what the team was comprised of.

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. 'I only count 3 Jinchuuriki. This is going to complicate matters.'

The three other sound guard unit made a great show of making off with the Uchiha, and leaving Jirobo behind with Hidan. Just like they were ordered to.

"They're getting away!" Naruto shouted.

Shikamaru looked at the opponents appraisingly 'We can't waste time fighting the two. Even if we have the superior numbers, they might specialize in delaying the enemy, which would explain why they were left behind.'

Kurotsuchi seemed to be having similar thoughts. "I'll stall the fatty and the religious nut. You go after the Uchiha."

"You can't do it alone, you're exhausted." Shikamaru said.

She dug into her pouch, whipped out a soldier pill, and promptly swallowed it. "I'll be fine. Go."

"I-I'll stay too" Hinata said timidly.

Kurotsuchi looked at her, then turned back to Jirobo and Hidan. "I got the nut, you get the fatty."

Hinata nodded in agreement.

Kakuzu didn't want to leave Hidan in charge of a Jinchuuriki by himself, because he just knew that Hidan was going to try and kill it. However, it appeared that there was no Jinchuuriki amongst the two fighting Hidan. Kakuzu silently followed the sound guard, slightly to the side, and completely out of sight.

Shikamaru looked at them with grave eyes, but quickly averted them. "Alright. Let's go."

The retrieval team went after the rest of the sound guard.

Hinata's eyes lingered on Naruto's form up until he vanished into the tree line.

They snapped to Hidan and Jirobo.

Kurotsuchi, Hinata, Jirobo, and Hidan were all waiting in anticipation for the other to make the first move.

Hidan, however didn't have much patience at all.

He rushed at Kurotsuchi with his scythe in hand. She quickly brought out her sword and swung to meet her opponent's instrument.

While they were in a lock, Jirobo picked up another, slightly smaller, boulder, and hurled it at Hinata. She ran to meet it, ducked under the rock at the last second, and continued to run towards him. She extended her hands in preparation of the gentle fist. He charged at her with his torso hunched forward, and his arms covering his chest and abdomen.

Hinata swung her palm at his midsection, but he didn't stop, and barreled into her, knocking her to the side. She quickly righted herself and charged at him again. He went for the same tackle maneuver as before. He had the advantage due to his superior body weight and momentum, which she wouldn't be able to sufficiently stop with her minute body size, even with the ability of the gentle fist. She knew that she wouldn't be able to attack him with him charging her like that, so when they were about to collide, she instead dove to the side, and struck him in the right leg, closing a few tenketsu points.

He grunted in pain, his movements were significantly hampered, and he wouldn't be able to run with that leg anymore. She had gained the advantage.

Back with Hidan and Kurotsuchi, they were trading blows with their weapons. Hidan had far greater strength with wielding the scythe, and was extremely skilled with using is. However, Kurotsuchi had speed, and maneuverability, which she took extreme advantage of.

Most of his swings were dodged or parried altogether, but she wasn't able to get any shots in, because he had the greater reach.

He was fighting like a person who had nothing to lose, like a person with a death wish, and had absolutely no concept of the word 'risk.' Hidan would run up to her, and get directly in her guard, just to get the chance to hit her. She wouldn't take the same the risks as the person who had just recently been skewered. He was even still bleeding profusely from the midsection.

Something was wrong with him. No, something was wrong _about_ him.

'Maybe he's immune to pain, a strike to a vital point could end this' she thought.

He ran up to her again and swung his scythe horizontally. She ducked under the swing and, taking a risk, ran him through with her sword. Straight through his heart.

Instead of falling over dead, Hidan just smirked cruelly. This was just what he was waiting for.

While she was stuck within his guard, due to the sword that was lodged in his ribcage, he brought out a spike from his cloak with his left hand, and shoved it downward. Kurotsuchi let go of the sword, and backpedaled widely, to avoid the spike.

He rushed at her again, and one handedly swung his scythe in a diagonal arc. She hastily brought out a kunai and parried the blow, but was unprepared for the spike that came sailing for her midsection. She thrust her body violently to the side to avoid the spike, and almost stumbled over. However, she grabbed the sword that was still sticking out of his chest for support.

The sword slipped out of his ribcage with a wet 'schlick' and she fell on the ground along with her support.

Hidan took the initiative, and jumped on her torso, knocking the wind out of her chest. He tried to impale her, but she grabbed her sword and parried the spike to impale the ground next to her head. She swung wildly at his face, and managed to slice his nose clean off his head. A deluge of blood flowed out of the opening, and splattered her face and torso.

He jumped off of her. There was not a look of pain or surprise on his features, but rather a look of triumph. He pulled up his spike, and licked the tip of it. She touched her face, it was covered in the blood of her enemy, but she could feel the small cut on her cheek.

There was practically no blood at all on the spike after being impaled in the ground, however, there was evidently enough to proceed with his ritual.

He made a circle on the ground with blood, which had a reversed triangle on the inside. Kurotsuchi was breathing heavily, and extremely shocked by her opponent. It wasn't every day that you fought a person who could survive being skewered in the abdomen ten times, and the heart once, and could still not only stand, but seem unfazed by the downpour of blood from his empty nose socket.

Without looking away, she called out to Hinata "Wanna switch?"

Hinata didn't speak, but only ran up to Hidan, and began to fight him. Kurotsuchi, confused by the amount of fervor that Hinata had in suddenly wishing to fight the freak that was Hidan, turned and looked behind her. She was almost crushed by the huge, red hand that swiped at her.

00000000

A little bit earlier

After Hinata had disabled Jirobo's right leg, she ran up to him again, and began a taijutsu fight in earnest.

He was still immensely strong, and one punch could mean the end of the spar. But she attacked him with all that she had. Running up to him time and time again to try and hit all the points that she could before he was able to retaliate, only to dodge, parry, or jump back, and try again. His punches and kicks were at first, fast, well-placed, and done with great strength. But as they continued to fight, his attacks slowed down, they lost precision, and worst of all, they lost their strength.

Hinata charged ahead once more, hoping to end the fight quickly, and swung her palm to his head. She wasn't expecting black markings to spread out over his whole body, and for him to regain all his composure that he lost during their fight.

He caught the hand that was aiming for her head, swung the girl around, and threw her at the smaller boulder.

She impacted the rock with a dull 'thud' and slid down to the ground. The brute ran forward and tried to kick her into the rock, but she was able to just scramble away in time. The rock that she had been laying against was turned into gravel, destroyed by the power of the kick that Jirobo possessed.

Her entire body ached just from the impact from the boulder. If she was kicked into it, she would have been turned into a fine paste.

Hinata slowly got up from the ground, and back into her fighting pose. Jirobo charged her, and swung for her head. His strength wasn't the only thing that improved, as evidenced when Hinata barely managed to lean her head to the side and avoid losing her thinking organ. He swung his leg upwards, which she managed to avoid by leaning backwards.

Hinata cartwheeled backwards, hoping to regain her balance. He charged her again, and tried the punch-kick combo again, but she was prepared for it, and dove to the side of him. She quickly got back up and started striking all of the points that she could while he was still turned away from her. She was shocked to find out that only the strikes that didn't go through the markings on his body were able to shut down the tenketsu.

The gentle fist operated by striking points on the body that would restrict chakra flow. This was done with by shoving chakra 'needles' into the body and striking the points directly. A way to counter the gentle fist was to cover the body with a layer of chakra. However, this was extremely chakra intensive, and if the gentle fist user was able to create needles stronger than the chakra cloak, then it would have been for naught.

It would appear that the markings of the curse seal are physical manifestations of an external source of power, however they also contain a chakra strong enough in them to block the gentle fist strikes.

Which meant that Hinata was at another severe disadvantage.

She jumped away from him, and reevaluated her situation. If she were able to strike enough points in one go, while avoiding the markings, she would be able to end the fight. Even though he was wearing clothes, the markings held enough chakra to be visible to her Byakugan.

This might be tricky to pull off.

She created a handseal and shouted **"clone." **Immediately 4 clones of her exact likeness started to circle Jirobo. They all shouted out in unison **"8 fields of hakke, 32 palms" **

Jirobo didn't know where to defend from, so he charged the one straight in front of him and struck at it, which wooshed into air, dispelling the clone. He turned around to face the four other incoming Hinata's. In an effort to dispel the clones, Jirobo stomped on the ground, creating a mini-earthquake. This dispelled the 3 normal clones, but he miscalculated. His foot was stuck in the ground, so he wasn't able to maneuver around the Hinata that was charging him.

He crossed his arms in front of his chest to protect his vitals from the blows. She simply struck at points in the arms until they hung at his sides, and then started striking points on the torso, all the while maneuvering the cursed seal markings.

When she was done, she jumped away from him and started to heave for air. That move had taken a lot out of her. She fished in her pocket for a soldier pill, and quickly swallowed it. Jirobo slowly fell to his side, not moving.

That is, until his cursed seal markings began to merge together, in preparation for level 2. Hinata looked on, dumbfounded, and extremely afraid, when he got up. His skin was red, his hair had grown considerably, and he was covered in sores.

Her Byakugan confirmed that the markings were merged, and creating a defensive chakra cloak around his form.

She wouldn't be able to fight him and win. The one technique that she was good at was rendered useless.

"Wanna switch?" She heard Kurotsuchi say.

Hinata looked at her opponent. It was a man who was covered in puncture wounds, blood, and was missing his nose. He was also creating a circle of blood of his own blood, which was still falling in great amounts.

A chilling opponent.

An opponent that the gentle fist could be useful against.

Without saying a word, she charged Hidan, leaving Jirobo to Kurotsuchi.

He stepped into the circle of blood that he was making, and adopted a really chilling look. His skin turned ebony black, with white markings in the shape of a crude human skelestructure.

He took a spike that was in his hand, and tried to plunge into his chest cavity.

Hinata didn't know why she rushed and attacked him to stop him from harming himself, maybe it was that the opponent that she just fought had different battle tactics, maybe it was because she felt the feeling of impending doom emanating from his form, maybe it was because she just wasn't of a sane mind. The only thing that matters is that she did charge him.

With the energy that the soldier pill had given her, she ran at him and quickly started striking any tenketsu point that she could hit. He didn't immediately notice her at first because he was too focused on Kurotsuchi's form, and the look of blood squirting out from her ruptured torso that he was anticipating to come from impaling himself.

Hinata blindsiding him, and shutting down his tenketsu network had been such a great surprise to him, that he accidentally dropped his spike.

"Heathen!" he spat out. He took the scythe that was still in his right hand, and brought it down on the little girl. She tried to side-step the giant scythe, but this only worked partially. The top-most scythe blade impaled her lower-right abdomen, and was wrenched out painfully.

Hinata cried out in great pain, as a fountain of blood cascaded out of the hole in her body.

With one last, great, push of effort; she palmed his head, hitting a tenketsu that effected the amount of chakra going to the brain. It was a minor one, and only served to render him unconscious.

That is, if he were a normal human being. Which he wasn't.

His chakra flows abnormally slow while he's in his normal form, slow enough that a byakugan user might mistake it for a corpse. However, his chakra flow sped up slightly while in his advanced, skelly-form. This gave him just enough time to swing his scythe one again in Hinata's direction, before succumbing to unconsciousness.

Hinata was hit once again, this time in her chest. The scythe lodged itself in her ribcage, so when Hidan fell down to unconsciousness, his scythe fell with him, and Hinata along with the instrument of death.

Hinata was afforded one last thought before she fell to unconsciousness as well.

'I hope that I was of help to Naruto-kun.'

00000000

Jirobo took a swipe at Kurotsuchi, who quickly jumped away.

They assessed each other. Kurotsuchi could guess from his appearance that he had gained a significant power-up, and the speed that he showed, as well as the strength that she could guess that he possessed made her want to sheathe her sword.

After all, it isn't very smart to run at a charging elephant with a sword, it's far more logical to just encase it in cement.

She started to go through handseals. Jirobo charged at her, with the intent of stopping her jutsu. But she kept on side-stepping, dodging, and jumping away from all of his attacks.

After she went through all the seals, she could feel the ability to mold chakra start to slip away. She shouted out **"congealing quicklime"**

Luckily the jutsu succeeded, and she blasted Jirobo in the face with quicklime powder. This had the effect of making him back away, and scream out in pain. The jutsu ate away at his skin, even with the curse marks helping to power him up.

Kurotsuchi could feel the ability to use chakra slipping away from her, little by little. She didn't know the reason for this affliction, but what she did know was that she needed to end the fight quickly. Apparently, not only the ritual user's physical form was tied to the sacrifice, but also his chakra network. As his tenketsu started getting shut, so did hers.

She drew her sword and prepared to charge him, not being able to feel the ability to control jutsu properly. He roared in pain and anger, deciding that he didn't like knowing the fact that she was still breathing, and wanted to change that as soon as he could. This mainly took the form of him rushing at her like a mad bull.

Seeing no other option, she prepared herself and ran at him as well. She ducked under the fist that he sent towards her head, and thrust her sword upwards, and into his chest, directly cleaving his heart. She didn't expect the second fist that crashed into her torso, and sent her flying into a tree.

Her ribcage was half caved in. Her spine was out of alignment. She couldn't breathe properly. She was in the largest amount of pain that she had ever been in, in her life. She couldn't think. Her feeling of chakra was slipping away, and she didn't know why.

Kurotsuchi tilted her head upwards, and opened her eyes into slits. She could see Jirobo facedown, on the ground, with a sword sticking out of his chest. He appeared dead, so how was he able to hit her that hard after having his heart cleaved?

Kurotsuchi didn't know the answer. She was having a weird day, and only wanted to take a nap.

So that's what she did.

**AN/ as always, tell me how I did.**

**I'm still not very confident in how my fighting scenes go, so any input would be greatly appreciated.**


	12. the retrieval pt 2

Chapter 12

**AN/ I keep on forgetting to proofread my chapters.**

**sorry**

"Neji, how's their battle going on?' Shikamaru asked.

"I can't discern whether or not Kurotsuchi and Hinata have the advantage, or if those two freaks have it. Everyone's still alive, although, that religious freak's chakra is strange."

"How so?"

"It looks like the chakra isn't moving, signifying death. But _he_ is most certainly moving."

"Troublesome. How far ahead are the bodyguards?"

"A click ahead of us. I can also see other chakra signatures separate to them." Neji had a conflicted look on his face.

Shikamaru noticed the look. "Don't worry, I'm sure that Hinata and that Iwa nin can take care of a religious nut and a fatass." This was said mostly for Neji's sake. Neji's face didn't change.

"She's a main branch member, I should have been there to protect her."

"We need you here. She'll be fi-" Shikamaru was cut off when he received a face-full of webbing.

They all had ran headfirst into a web-like structure, with a man who had 3 sets of arms on a branch ahead of them.

Tenten was able to unseal a kunai from one of her scrolls, and attempted to use it to saw off the webbing, but it held firm. Yugito as well, tried to cut off the webbing with her extended claws, but she didn't have any more luck than Tenten.

"You're wasting your time. That webbing is infused with my chakra, you can't break it with conventional methods." The spider-like man said.

He proceeded to vomit up some shuriken made from the same stuff from the webbing.

"Looks like I get to play a fun game"

"**Multi shadow clones" **Naruto shouted out. He had managed to bring his hands together in a cross seal while Kidoumaru's attention was away from him. Although the shadow clones that he created were all stuck in the same webbing as he was.

"More little birdies." Kidoumaru said with a grin. There were 6 Naruto's in all.

"There's a five in six chance that you'll survive this throw." Kidoumaru said with a grin. He threw the shuriken-like device at one of the clones. It popped.

"Four in five chance." Pop.

"Three in four chance." Pop. Kidoumaru was stalling for time.

"Two in three chance." Pop.

"One in two chance. Wow you've got the luck of the fox don't you?" Pop.

Kidoumaru chuckled and started playing with the shuriken a bit. Tossing it up in the air, doing tricks with it; the kind of stuff that was used to unnerve a hapless victim.

"I suppose that you're that lucky one out of one." Kidoumaru wound his arm back in preparation to throw the shuriken. But was stopped by a palm strike from Neji.

Neji had figured out that since the webbing was infused with chakra, he could cut the threads using his gentle fist. While spiderman was occupied with Naruto, he secretly cut everyone loose from the trap, and ran to stop him.

"Everybody go on. I'll take care of this guy."

A white bird flew into the general vicinity.

"**Katsu"**

The bird blew up in a fiery explosion. Making everybody scatter in different directions, and the webbing go up in flames.

A man with long blond hair done up in a ponytail landed on a branch next to Kidoumaru. He was wearing the cloak of the Akatsuki, and had a manic expression on his face.

"How did you like my art?" he asked. His eyes were scanning the team.

"What the Fuck! You almost blew me up too." Kidoumaru asked incredulously.

"Oh? You should be proud that you almost got to be a part of my artwork. yeah"

"Are all of you Akatsuki freaks?"

"Says the fuckwit with six arms."

Kidoumaru conceded.

"I'll help take them as well." Fu stated.

She and Neji looked at each other, and nodded.

Naruto looked at Fu's form, she was staring ahead at her enemy with a silent determination. She was brimming with confidence. Naruto had never seen her like that.

Shikamaru nodded. "Okay everyone, let's go!"

They all ran ahead to cut off the remaining bodyguards.

Fu's and Neji's eyes didn't leave their opponents.

Deidara grabbed something from his pocket, and started mumbling. Fu and Neji prepared themselves "art is a singular moment of passion and fiery embracement. Art can never be contained by conventional means. yeah" He pulled up his hands, there was a miniature owl one of them.

He threw it and put up a sign, it enlarged greatly and started flying to Neji's and Fu's location.

"Art is an explosion! **Katsu!"** Fu and Neji jumped in opposite directions in order to avoid the blast. Kidoumaru ran after Neji, while Deidara started priming another jutsu for Fu. This time when he put up his hands, there were three miniature balls in them. When he threw them, they all blasted apart into large amounts even smaller spiders, and blanketed the area.

Fu had a general idea of what would happen if she got close to one of the white pieces of clay, so she decided to try and trick the bomber's eyesight by strafing quickly between and around the trees.

There were explosions that devastated the area around her, but it seemed that her idea of quick strafing had worked. He put his hands in his pockets again, which Fu took as the 'reload' time, and decided to attack him.

Going through the handseals necessary, she shouted **"water cutting blade"** a blade of water appeared on her hand, growing to be about 3 feet in length. She rushed his location.

He smirked and spat out, using his primary mouth, a glob of clay that transformed into a bird and flew at her.

Fu's eyes widened, and she jumped to the ground floor from the branches, undoing the jutsu all the way. There was an explosion that seared her back, and cut off the upper half of the tree she was just on. She quickly regained her composure, and started scaling the trees again. Having the height advantage would make all of the difference in this battle.

Up ahead on the tree that she was running up was a clay being in the shape of a small mammal. She immediately jumped to another tree in order to get as much distance from the bomb as she could. Only to be pushed back to the ground floor by an explosion on the tree that she escaped to.

Fu regained her composure and looked around her surroundings. All of the trees near her were booby trapped. She wouldn't be able to get close enough to Deidara to be able to feasibly launch an attack on him.

She immediately bolted and started looking for different trees that she could climb on. Spotting one, she started to run up it, only for the entire tree to turn into a pasty white. Knowing that was not a good sign, she launched herself off of it before it exploded and created a corona of concussive force and flames that flattened and burned all of the trees around it in a 50 ft radius. Fu was unfortunately caught up in the explosion, and sailed through the air, until she hit another tree and fell back to the ground.

She was coughing, trying to get air back into her lungs, and soot/blood out of them. This wasn't good, she had to get close to him to attack him, but he sabotaged all her attempts to do so.

Fu couldn't see him, which might mean that he lost track of her, or it could mean that he just wasn't visible to her.

She got up, and ran to his last known location. After arriving there, she began climbing up one of the booby-trapped trees. Anticipating that he would blow up the tree, she went through another set of handseals **"hiding in scale powder"** and ventilated out yellowish powder, which quickly refracted the light to unbearable levels. She immediately jumped to another booby-trapped tree, and started climbing that one.

There was an explosion, but it happened on the tree that she used to be climbing up, not the one that she had jumped to.

The tree that she jumped from went up in an amount of flames that was disproportionate to the amount of explosives on it. Apparently her scale powder was explosive as well.

Go figure.

Her thinking was that he still relied on sight to figure out which explosive to detonate. So she used a jutsu that obscured the ability to see, and climbed up another tree that was within the lack of sight range, protecting herself from the bomb on the first tree, and climbing up to branch level on the second tree. She didn't, however, anticipate that her Jutsu was explosive as well, luckily enough, she cleared its blast range before it could cook her back.

She couldn't see hide nor hair of Deidara, and was starting to get slightly worried. It was clear that his specialty was long-range combat, and that the only thing that she could do was close combat, creating a tricky situation. Either he would blow her up from afar, or she would get close enough to him that she could be able to take a shot at him. But in order to do that, she first had to find out where he was.

An explosion rocked the world around her. She quickly latched onto another branch before she got blown down to the ground floor. Fu didn't think that she could pull off the sight inhibiting trick again. She pulled herself up on the tree, and fled the scene.

So he could see her, but she couldn't see him.

That wasn't good for her.

She tried extending the little chakra sensory ability that she had as far as she could but came up flat. Fu heard a whizzing to her right, and immediately jumped to her left. Another explosion blossomed just to her right, and seared her entire side.

At this point, she was panting, tired, burned in several areas, and still having trouble breathing. While her enemy hadn't even been touched.

All of the bombs that he had been throwing at her from after she lost sight of him had all come close to her, but still either blasted prematurely, or far enough away from her that she was able to dodge the explosion. Signifying that although he could see her, his vision was hampered. Fu didn't know whether this stemmed from the aftereffects of her jutsu, which she doubted, or if the trees were giving her natural cover.

She leaned against a tree to catch her breath, and leaned her head back to get a look at the sky.

'Why is there a gull flying up there? I'm not even close to the ocean.'

Realization dawned on her. That wasn't a gull, it was just a really big bird made out of clay, which the mad bomber was probably riding on. It would explain why she couldn't find him, as well as why his bombs were less accurate.

This was the worst possible battle scenario for her, being bombed from the sky, without any means to reach, much less combat the enemy.

Wait. Maybe she could reach the mad bomber.

'Hey Chomei?'

When she talked to Chomei for the first time, she was astounded by its affability. Apparently the seal used for keeping Chomei in check was called the 'glass jar seal.' Its main purpose is to keep the seven tails in check, however, it has another side effect; it allows Chomei to see out of the seal and experience what its container feels. This allowed the seven tails to empathize with its container's feeling of loneliness, depression, and anger.

So when they first met, the seven tails only wanted to create a good relationship with Fu. And thusly, it told Fu of the ability to communicate telepathically, with no need to enter and exit the mindscape.

"**Yes, little larvae?"**

'We're in a bit of trouble. Your chakra cloak manifests wings right?'

"**Once you reach the two-tailed state, yes. But you've never experienced what my chakra feels like, you'd get taken over by the anger."**

'I thought that you didn't hate.'

"**Oh little larvae. I don't hate you; we're both in this bad situation together. But I do hate, we all hate. If you take my chakra, you take my will, which contains my hate."**

'Well we don't have any other options. I need to beat that man to survive, in order to beat that man, I need your chakra. So if I want to survive, I need your chakra.'

"…**Don't say that I didn't warn you."**

Despite the confident veneer that she put up with Chomei, she was extremely afraid of that chakra.

'Wait… do you have any… like, tips?'

"…**Just remember why you fight, who you fight for. Little larvae."**

An image of Naruto appeared before her eyes.

'I fight to protect the dreams of my friend.'

She heard Chomei's wings buzz in approval. **"So you say, little larvae."**

Fu felt a wrenching in her gut, and she suddenly didn't feel any of the aches of her battle. All of the pain from the burns faded away, she could breathe again, and she felt energetic. Fu felt good.

The chakra that was warming her being started bubbling out of her skin. She could see it manifesting on her form, turning slightly sharper. She tried to flex her back muscles, and discovered the feeling of finding a new set of appendages, ones that controlled the new-found wings on her back.

Fu felt anger. Rage against all the indignities that she had to suffer due to her status as a Jinchuuriki. Rage against the people who looked at her like her very presence was anathema to them. Rage against the world for creating her the way she was. But most importantly, rage against that fuckwit of a bomber, who tried to hurt her best friend, her only friend, her Naruto.

Deidara was having dickens of a time trying to make art beautiful enough to show the world. Mostly because his canvas was running around the trees, and he found it difficult to accurately paint from such a high viewpoint.

'I knew I should have brought my mini-scope, yeah.'

He continued to scan the treetops for any sign of the seven-tailed Jinchuuriki. From the reports that he got from the lower akatsuki agents, she didn't have any experience in controlling her Tailed beast. So he was fighting a close range fighter, with no means of flying, from the sky.

Needless to say, he felt rather invincible. That is, until he saw a red speck on the treetops begin to grow to larger and larger.

Deidara might have been bat-shit crazy, but he wasn't stupid enough to not know what a Jinchuuriki's tailed form looks like.

'Shit, she isn't supposed to know how to fly! Yeah'

Her flight speed was alarmingly fast, so Deidara tried to outmaneuver her. This didn't work, mostly because of the fact that his bird was about as dexterous as a paralyzed sloth when compared to Fu's tailed state.

She landed on the top of the bird, roared in Deidara's face, and shoved her arm up to the elbow in his torso.

He only smiled, and turned into a pasty representation of the mad-bomber.

She jumped off the bird, however the clone was stuck fast to her arm. She tried to swat it away, but only managed to cleave off the lower body of the clone, the rest of it exploded.

She was blasted across the sky, trying to regain her composure. It was rather difficult for her, as this was the first time that she had ever even flew.

She hit the treetops, which softened her descent, shook her head, and looked back up to the sky.

Deidara was now riding on top of a huge dragon-like being made completely out of clay. She roared at the beast, and jumped off from the treetop to start zipping straight towards it.

The dragon roared, and puked up a glob of the explosive clay. The glob was headed straight for her, which she just managed to avoid. But she didn't avoid the explosion that resulted in her being tossed across the sky yet again.

She was able to regain her balance in the air this time, and flew back at the dragon yet again. It threw up another glob of clay, but she gave it a far wider birth this time, able to dodge the explosion.

The dragon continued to vomit up more and more globs of clay, which she had to keep on giving wide births, so she made very little progress in shortening the distance between the two.

'I need to be faster' her mind came up with the solution to her plight.

"**Be careful little larvae! Remember why you fight!"**

The memory of her up on the hokage monument, beside Naruto, came up to her mind. The memories of the first time that she had fun with another person. The memories of her first friend. The memories of Naruto.

She continued to grab more and more of Chomei's chakra, until she had another set of wings on her back. Luckily enough, she was able to remain of sound enough mind to remember her goal.

Fucking up a clinically insane person's day.

With her newfound speed, she zipped around, through, above, below, and towards the mad bomber on the mad dragon.

When she got close enough, he tossed a clay structure at her. It turned into a giant spider, which wrapped around her torso, and blew up.

Through the smoke, emerged an enraged Fu. She tackled him off the dragon, and onto the forest floor below.

While plummeting to the earth at breakneck speeds, he somehow found the strength to smirk. His entire body started to expand to obscene levels. At the zenith of his expansion, he muttered **"Katsu"**

The explosion was far greater than any other he had shown before, and Fu was still hugging it when it went off.

Down on the forest floor there was a limping, and thoroughly defeated Deidara. 'Fuck, where was that spider fuck toy? He was supposed to help me capture the Jinchuuriki. Yeah' He was limping towards the nearest HQ, which was extremely far away. He didn't have any detonating clay left, so he didn't think that he would be able to safely acquire the Jinchuuriki.

'Fuck, leader-sama's gunna be pissed.'

Fu opened her eyes up, she felt breezy, queasy, and not very healthy. She slowly got from the prone position that she had taken when she had fallen from the sky. And started to limp in no particular direction.

She found the spider-freak, advanced to stage 2 curse seal, and dead. She was of such an unsound mind, that she didn't even register the sight of the dead bodyguard as strange.

'Why does my right side feel like it went through the blender?'

Fu looked at her right arm, all of the skin was completely burned off. The burn went all the way down to her right knee, extended across her chest, and even felt it on her face.

She caught sight of Neji, he was collapsed on the ground, with multiple holes in and around his torso.

The strength of her knees left her, and she fell on the ground.

Fu didn't feel anything from the impact, she felt numb, she felt tired, she felt like she didn't even really care anymore.

As her face was pressed into the grass, she smiled at the pleasant scent of the greenery.

'I think I'm just gonna take a nap.'

So that's what she did.

**AN/ I didn't feel like I needed to recap what happened with Neji's and Kidoumaru's fight, as it probably wouldn't have gone any different than canon.**

**That being said, the next chapter's probably going to be a large one, so don't expect a quick release.**

**As always, tell me what I did wrong, so I may change my writing for the better in the future.**


	13. the awakening

Chapter 13

"Ungh… wah? Where am I?" Naruto asked.

He was in a hospital bed. He noticed that he was almost completely covered in bandages. There was also a mop of green hair resting on his thigh.

"Fu?" he nudged his leg up and down a few times. But she was out cold.

He breathed out a sigh. 'What happened?'

Naruto furrowed his brow in preparation for hard thinking. 'There was that weird spider guy, and that weird explosion guy. But Fu and Neji took care of them. Then there was this weird chick who kept on playing a flute, and a weird dude who was all hunched over, but Tenten and Temari said they'd take of them. Then there was a weird two/one person thing, with a guy who was had red where the white parts of the eyes should have been, but Hana and Shikamaru took care of them. Then there was this weird bone guy, and a weird shark guy, but Yugito and Kiba took care of him.'

He began to get lost in his own thoughts. 'Okay, then Sasuke jumped out of a barrel, and I chased him to a waterfall with a couple of statues there. Then we fought. Oh! I asked the Kyuubi for chakra. Then we fought some more. Then… he turned into… something else. Then we fought some more, and he was unconscious, and I was about to drag him back to Konoha.'

Naruto started to rack his brain for answers for what happened next. 'That's right! Itachi was there after I smacked Sasuke-teme down. Then he looked at me.' Naruto tried to think of anything else, but came up flat.

Fu was still on his leg. He looked out the window, it had to be at least noon. Fu shouldn't be asleep.

"Hey Fu!" he said a little more forcefully. He also shook his leg a bit more.

She groaned and tried to sit up a little. "Urrng, I told you, I'm not leaving." She muttered out, without opening her eyes. She then fell back onto Naruto's leg and began to sleep again.

"Oi! Wake up. It isn't healthy to asleep at noon." Naruto shouldn't really talk, considering that's when he usually woke up on the weekends. But he was also curious, and needed answers.

She groaned again, and lifted her head up fully to look at Naruto straight in the eyes. Her eyes brightened considerably, and suddenly found the strength to immediately glomp onto Naruto. Fu began to shake and sob slightly on his shoulders.

Naruto was extremely worried now. When she looked at him, he noticed that a portion of her face was a tone lighter than the rest of her face, and it looked like it traveled all the way down her body. In fact he could see it on her back as well.

He didn't really know to do anything else other than to awkwardly stroke her back, and wait for her to stop sobbing.

She eventually quieted down, rested her head on his shoulders, and promptly fell asleep again.

Fu was sitting on a chair next to his hospital bed, with her upper body leaned against his body. It didn't look like a very comfortable position. Naruto sighed, and dragged her onto his bed using her torso as a grip. The bed was a twin, so it was a snug fit, and he was hooked up to a lot of different medical machines, which made positioning weird. But he made it work. Naruto knew that it would be counterintuitive to interrogate Fu when she was in such an emotional state, so he settled on waiting for her to wake up naturally.

His eyes began to droop, he was sleepy too apparently. Naruto settled up against Fu and decided that he needed a nap.

So that's what he did.

He woke up with a nurse trying to get Fu to leave.

"Hey, you can't sleep with him like that." The nurse was shaking Fu, trying to make her wake up.

He opened his eyes, and murmured "It's okay."

The nurse gasped, and backed away. "I'm sorry, we should have been alerted that you were awake."

'What's wrong with everyone?' he thought to himself. "How long was I asleep?"

"You've been out for 13 days."

He was about to scream out a 'What!', but caught himself before he could. Fu was still asleep after all.

"What happened with the mission? Where's Sasuke?"

The nurse looked slightly downtrodden. "You should ask her when she wakes up. I don't have all the details."

Right on cue, Fu raised her head. "Wah?"

"I'll let you have some alone time." She left the room.

"Fu, what happened with the mission?" Naruto asked severely.

She sat up from his bed, and started to stretch her body. After a sigh, she began. "It was a failure. Your friend Sasuke was obtained by Orochimaru."

Naruto looked down in sadness. Somehow he had been expecting that.

"Well how is everyone?"

Fu looked away, evasively. "Not so good."

He looked at her with a hard stare. "What do you mean, 'not so good'?"

She sighed. "Most of our team got seriously hurt. Kurotsuchi was in intensive for a week after they retrieved her. That Hinata girl was almost dead when they found her, and she was lucky that the reinforcements had blood transfusions and a skilled medic, or else she would have died."

Naruto's eyes widened in horror.

"Neji almost died as well, he had a couple of holes in his chest. Some of my skin got blown off from an explosion. But it's okay! Tsunade was able to create some new skin for me." Fu said, trying to slightly sooth Naruto.

It didn't work.

"What about everyone else?"

"Hana, her ninken, and Shikamaru all had various elemental damage, and had a lot of blunt force trauma. Temari and Tenten got sliced up bad, and were poisoned. Kiba and Yugito were cut up _really_ bad, and both suffered from chakra exhaustion."

Naruto started to look mortified.

"But don't worry! Everyone recovered."

"…What else?"

"I don't think it's such-"

"_What else? _I can take it."

She sighed. "The entire treaty almost fell apart. All the kage's teleported back here and argued over whether they should still try to make the treaty work. Apparently Temari burst in and gave quite the rousing speech, because everything's okay now."

"Why would she do that?"

"She wants peace between the nations?" Fu said with a shrug.

"Oh, I guess that make sense."

"All the kage's left, Tsunade gave her inauguration speech… and everyone was really worried for you."

"What happened to me?"

"You were comatose for 13 days and someone shoved a hand in your chest! Nobody knew if you were going to wake up." Fu started to tear up again, she looked at ground and sobs started to wreck her body. "You're my best friend… you're my only friend… please don't ever go away." She said in-between sobs.

He laid a palm on the top of her head. She looked up at him, and he gave her an eye-blinding smile. "Don't worry, I can't die. Not until I become hokage."

A moment passed. A grin appeared on her tear-stained face. "Thanks." She started to chuckle a little.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing's funny. I'm just really happy." Her chuckling was contagious, and it spread to Naruto. They both sat there for a while, laughing and crying like lunatics.

"Hehe… I should probably go. You know, tell everyone that you're okay."

"Okay." Naruto said, slightly downtrodden. "Oh wait. Is the marriage thing still… like, a thing?"

She gave him a smile. "Of course it is silly." She shut the door behind her.

He leaned back on the pillows. He was really shocked when Fu started crying for him. Most of the condolences that he gave her were out of instinct, things that he didn't think about saying, but still did. Naruto didn't know that he meant so much to Fu, and finding out that he did was slightly frightening. The marriage between him and his wives was meant to be a forced ordeal. Something that they didn't want and was only done with the thought of the citizens of the elemental nations in mind. They weren't supposed to care for each other, they weren't supposed to love each other, they were just supposed to bear with the pain, and put up with each other the best they could.

Yet even as he sat there in thought, he knew that Yugito, Fu, Kurotsuchi, and Temari meant a lot to him. Yugito felt like his older sister, scolding and comforting him when he needed it. Fu was like a close friend, there for him to teach him stuff, always smiling. Kurotsuchi was like a begrudging friend, always playing pranks, and getting into fights with him. Temari was kind of like the straight man (**AN/ it's a comedy thing, look it up**) always there to comment on the absurdity of the situation, and help reel them in.

'I guess that this is okay… Even if I can't find love, and even if they can't find love, this isn't the worst situation it could be.' Somehow, in the two days and three nights that he had interacted with them, they had become precious people to him.

'I'm going to do my best to protect them. Make sure that they never get hurt again.' He thought to himself with an air of finality about it.

00000000

Hidden Akatsuki base

It took a while for everyone to get back and meet up again. This stemmed from all of their sustained injuries.

"Well this whole operation was a colossal fuck-up." Hidan started the meeting out.

"Says the religious nut who was defeated by a **_GENIN _**so you don't have any room to talk. Yeah." Deidara capitalized, italicized, underlined, and bolded the word genin, just to show his sheer annoyance at Hidan.

"You were defeated by a genin too, so shut the fuck up, before I sacrifice you to Jashin-sama."

"I was given faulty information. She wasn't supposed to know how to fly, but guess what? She could fucking fly! I wasn't prepared. Yeah. What's your excuse?"

"I couldn't see her, the little fucker. But that brat was a main branch member of the Hyuuga clan. I even stabbed her, but she still came at me, and shut down my chakra. So I stabbed her again!" Hidan said with a manic smile, barely comprehensible.

Kakuzu sighed explosively. "I lost three hearts when the hachibi showed up with some puppet user. I was supposed to take down the ichibi, not the only Jinchuuriki that could stab through my iron defense with lightning blades. Obtaining three powerful hearts is going to take a lot of time. And time is money."

Kisame looked annoyed "I was supposed to take on the Niibi, but the ichibi showed up too, along with some taijutsu freak."

Sasori didn't show any outward emotion, but his tone spoke of annoyance. "I was sidled up with a wind jutsu user and a throwing weapon user. They cut through my puppets like fucking butter and that foul mouthed girl kept on putting me in genjutsu's. All that artwork… lost! And just when I had them poisoned, some fatass iwa shinobi bailed them out"

"Didn't you kill them?"

"I never confirmed the kill."

"Who was supposed to take the Kyuubi?" Kisame asked.

"Hidan. But at the start, there were only three Jinchuuriki, the other two came later with the reinforcements. So I didn't stop him from engaging the two kunoichi that split off from the group." Kakuzu said.

"How did you manage to not get taken by Konoha shinobi?" Sasori asked Hidan.

"I guess they didn't bother trying to tie down the guy who was stabbed in the heart, so when I woke up, I just walked away." Hidan said, smirking.

"Hey, leader-sama. Orochimaru is going to pay? Yeah." Deidara said, brandishing his mouth-hands.

"… He got us five Jinchuuriki, was able to separate them all, and provided you with support to capture them. That was the deal."

"That deal fell apart. He provided us a whole team of Shinobi, and another whole team of reinforcements. Yeah."

"He kept his side of the deal. Don't go after him, you'll regret it." Pain logged off the hologram thingy.

"Fuckity." Hidan logged off.

Everyone took turns logging off. Until only Itachi was left.

'No one found out… Good.'

He logged off as well.

00000000

Naruto's hospital room.

There was a knock on his door.

"Come in." a moment passed.

Then another.

Then another.

Just when he was about to call out again, Hinata opened up the door, and stepped in.

"Hey Hinata. Are you okay? Fu told me that you got hurt bad."

She was quiet.

"…Is something wrong? Should I call a nurse?"

"Naruto…" she said quietly.

"Yes?"

"I-I… I just… I wanted to tell you…" she paused and took a deep breath.

When she had collected herself, she began again. "Ever since I was little, I've looked up to you. When I felt self-conscious about my strength, I would think of you, and I would feel a little better, and I would try my hardest to get stronger. It's because of you that I fight. I just wanted to let you know that.

"Oh, thanks Hinata." Naruto said with a big cheesy grin.

"Naruto… I-I… I love you Naruto."

This rendered Naruto speechless. He couldn't even grasp the concept of another person being romantically in love with him. "H-Hinata… I don't… I don't know what to say."

She had a small, sad smile on her face. "You don't have to say anything. I know that you're in an arranged marriage, and that you won't be allowed to love anybody outside of your wives. I just wanted to let you know how I feel."

Before he could talk again, she exited the room with great haste. He called out to her, but she was gone.

Naruto felt like he was in a glass case of emotion. He needed to do something. He needed to get out the stifling bed that he was sitting in. he had to talk to someone.

Naruto threw the covers off his person, and gingerly began getting out of his bed.

He hadn't moved for the better part of 2 weeks, so his muscles were sore and woefully underused. He pulled off all the medical instruments on his person, got out of bed, and walked out of the room, wincing all the way.

He walked until he saw a secretary at a desk. "Can I ask you where someone is?" he asked. Naruto needed to talk to someone, or ask for advice, or anything really. He needed to do anything other than think.

"Sure, who're you looking for?"

Who was he looking for? Fu said that everyone eventually got better. But she also said that Kurotsuchi was in intensive for a week, there's no way that Kurotsuchi could be walking around after that.

"Kurotsuchi, no last name."

"She's in the recovery ward, that way." She directed him to the recovery ward.

Naruto walked as fast as he could without causing him discomfort. Just when he was about to enter the door, it was opened from the inside by a big, burly man, with a pronounced lower jaw. He was really imposing.

"Who're you?"

"N-Naruto Uzumaki."

His eyes opened wide in surprise, then narrowed. "So you're my step-son."

Whatever Naruto was expecting, it wasn't that. "O-Oh, uhm, hi. It's an honor to meet you?" the sentence that he uttered out turned into a question at the end. Mostly because he didn't know how to react in that situation.

Kitsuchi did not look amused. "Look, I know that Kuro followed you on her own volition… But" his hands balled into fists, and turned into rocks. "If you ever hurt her, treaty or not, I will end you." Saying what he wanted to say, Kitsuchi walked away from him.

With trepidation, Naruto entered the room.

"Hey shithead, you're awake. Sorry about my pops. He can be a bit overwhelming." Kurotsuchi didn't look good. She had an unhealthy pallor on her face, there was a general air of weakness that surrounded her entire being, and she seemed slightly meeker than usual.

"Hey Pinkutsuchi." He said with a cheeky grin. He might have been having some personal problems, but he knew that she needed some cheering up.

"Hey yourself, baldy." Naruto furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"You know… because I covered you in shaving cream, and you threw a hissy fit."

"Ohhh. That's right, I remember... A lot has been going on, hasn't it?" he smiled sheepishly.

"I suppose." She said weakly, closing her eyes.

"Oh I'm sorry, you probably want some rest time-"

"Nah, nah it's fine. My eyes are a bit sore that's all. In truth, it's getting really boring around here."

"Don't you have any visitors?"

"Well my dad got permission to teleport here, but other than him, Akatsuchi, and the rest of my _sister wives_ I've not gotten a lot of other visitors."

"Not even from the retrieval team?"

"Well that Shikamaru guy came over once, but he mostly dropped by to make sure I wasn't dead." She gave a light, humorless laugh.

A slightly comfortable silence descended upon them.

"Hey Kurotsuchi?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you for advice?"

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Thanks. Uuhh… so… Okay! Hypothetical situation time. You really like this… guy, like this guy means all the world to you. Okay, and this guy never really returned your affections, but you still really like him. And you recently find out that you can never date him, ever, because of… personal reasons."

She looked at him. "And…?"

"Well, what do you do?"

"… I've never been in love, so I can't say what I would or wouldn't do. I can tell you to forget about her, but you probably wouldn't take too kindly to that would you? I can tell you to try and find someone else to love, but unless you truly love any of us, that wouldn't do any good. I can tell you to give up on love, but that's too morbid, and I don't like that."

Naruto sighed "Yeah, don't worry... I think I've given up on her"

"Oh?"

"Yeah… all I've ever wanted was for her to be happy, to see that smile on her face. But I won't be able to make that happen. Not while I'm married to four other people."

"So… you've thought about this a lot, haven't you?"

"Mhmm. Okay, next hypothetical question. There's this guy that you don't really know. He's kinda nice, but really shy, and you don't know a lot about him. And out of the blue, he suddenly confesses to you. But you won't be able to date him because you're married, and he confessed to you, even though he knew that you're married."

She gave him a strange look. "You've been having a tough day haven't you?"

He nodded.

"Okay… if she confessed to you, even though she knew that you're married, and won't be able to love her back. Then that sounds like she just needed to get it off her chest."

"Huh?"

"Look, she wouldn't have confessed to you if you were just a passing fancy. The fact that she confessed, sounds like she just needed catharsis."

"Catharsis?"

"It means 'release.' She confessed to you, because if she didn't, she would have never been able to get over you."

"Oh… thanks Kurotsuchi. You're kinda smart."

"Nah, I just remember hearing about a similar situation, and my pops explained it to me."

Another comfortable silence fell upon them.

"What happens if we meet up again?"

"Hm?"

"Like, what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know what you should do, shithead."

"Wow thanks. I feel so much better." Naruto said flatly.

"Well I've never been in this situation before. I can only give advice when I have advice to give."

Naruto sighed "Fair enough."

The door was flung open with a bang. In the doorway stood Yugito, who sighed in relief. She looked to her side and shouted "He's in here!"

Yugito collected herself and walked in calmly, then Fu came flying in, and Temari walked in sedately afterwards.

"We were worried when you weren't in your bed." Yugito stated.

"Oh yeah, I probably should have left a note or something." Naruto laughed sheepishly

Yugito didn't look amused. "Don't ever do something stupid like that again."

"What?"

"Don't ever make me worried that I wasn't able to protect the people precious to me."

He noticed that Yugito had received a few more scars on her person, most notably a scar that went from the top of her temple and curved all the way to her chin. Temari also got a few more nicks on her, but they were red, and splotchy. Probably a side effect from the poison

This made Naruto contemplative. "Look guys… I'm really sorry."

Temari raised an eyebrow. "Sorry for what?"

Naruto looked at Kurotsuchi in her hospital bed, at Fu's mismatched face, at Yugito's scaring, and at Temari's signs of poisoning. "You all got really badly hurt because of me, because of the mission that I went on and you went on with me in order to protect me… I've got to get stronger, so _I_ can protect you all."

Yugito laughed humorlessly. "You need to protect us? Says the guy who got a hand shoved in his chest, and went comatose for 2 weeks. If anything, we need to protect you."

"Do you really have such little faith in our abilities as shinobi?" Temari asked.

"Yeah, I mean… I was seriously worried when I heard that you might not wake up. And so was Yugito, and so was Kurotsuchi, even if she didn't show it, and so was Temari. We need to get stronger to protect you." Fu said.

"It wouldn't do the treaty any good if you up and died on a mission." Kurotsuchi stated.

Naruto looked at all of their faces. They were the faces of people who were convicted to a cause. A cause to protect him. "Okay, we'll all get stronger. Together. We'll beat down anybody who wants to hurt us. We'll defeat the Akatsuki. We'll protect the elemental nations." He stood up and put his fist out. They all met him at the center. Signifying their resolve to help protect not only each other, but also the peace of the elemental nations.

"Oi!"

Except for Kurotsuchi, because she was stuck on a hospital bed, and could barely move. They all awkwardly shuffled to the bed, so Kurotsuchi would be included as well.

After maintaining that position for several moments, they all broke apart.

"So that's all well and good, but how do we go about getting stronger?" Kurotsuchi asked

"After I gave my speech to the kage, they said that they were planning on sending Naruto around the villages in a random pattern so he could train with the different shinobi there, and help with trying to change their perceptions. But that was the plan for before he went comatose. I don't know how if it changed since then."

"What about us?" Kurotsuchi asked

"We would stay at our villages, and train with Naruto when he came around."

"Aww. I want to see what the rest of the world is like." Fu whined.

"Isn't is slightly counterintuitive for only Naruto to go around the nations? What about Konoha changing its perceptions?" Yugito asked.

"I don't know." Temari stated.

"Well I'm awake now, why don't we just ask her?"

"I don't see why not." Yugito stated.

They all began to walk to the door, but Kurotsuchi interrupted them. "Hey, can you take me with you?"

"Is that okay?"

"I feel good enough. Someone might need to push me in a chair, but I really need to get out of this room. Please?"

"If you're sure that you're okay…" Naruto opened up the room's medical drawer, and pulled out a collapsible wheelchair.

"You sure know your way around the hospital." Temari commented.

"I got sent here all the time when I little. Training accidents, you know. There's emergency everything here." He unfolded the chair. "Do you need help?" he asked Kurotsuchi.

"I'm fine." She raised herself from the bed, and slowly made the movements to get onto the chair, but slipped. Luckily Naruto was there to catch her, and gingerly lowered her down to the chair.

"Well that could have been really bad." Naruto said.

"Whatever. Onward, my gimpy steed." Kurotsuchi said, with her hand pointed towards the door and her index finger extended.

"On your word Pinkutsuchi-hime."

"Don't call me that."

"Don't be like that. Princess Pink Rock has a nice ring to it." Naruto started to push her out the door.

"I swear to fuck, if you ever call me that again, I will encase you in cement."

"Hehe. If I die, who'll you need to get stronger for?"

"Who says it'll kill you?"

Naruto got really scared.

They walked down the hospital, checked themselves out and made to the academy administration.

"Hey Temari?"

"Hm?"

"How were you able to convince the kage to continue with the treaty?"

"I basically just said that you're too stubborn a guy to ever let going into a coma stop you from your goals."

"Is that what happened?" Kurotsuchi asked. Her face went to her trademarked mischievous mode. "I didn't know you thought so highly of him. You don't have a thing for him, do you? Stoic-chan."

Temari and Naruto lightly blushed under her ministrations. "Of course I don't. He's just a means to obtain peace." She said defiantly.

"Oh of course Stoic-chan. Just a means to an end. Whatever you say…"

"What do you mean by that? And stop calling me a fucking stoic!"

"Oh nothing really. I just noticed that you never really talk to him when you're together, and you think highly enough of him that you think he can stop all the war in all the elemental nations, and that he did save your brother from insanity."

"Wha-? H-How do you know what he did to Gaara?"

"So you don't deny the other two points?

"How does me not talking to him signify affection?"

"Who knows? Stoic-chan might be a dandere."

"I'm not, and the only reason that he's able to stop all war in the elemental nations is because his dad messed up big time."

"Ouch. You might hurt your boyfriend's feelings with those sharp words of yours."

Temari looked like she was about to explode, but her angry face quickly turned mischievous. "Oh? And what about you? Playing pranks on him, yelling at him, complaining about him. If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you're acting out just to get his attention."

Kurotsuchi didn't look fazed in the slightest. "Yup, that's right. I love Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze." This was said with implied sarcasm. Kurotsuchi was saying this loudly enough that the people who were walking next to them, had no choice but to acknowledge her ravings. "He's the light to my darkness. He's the reason I get up every morning. He's who I fantasize about every night. If I can't have his love, I'll kill myself." Kurotsuchi was giggling now, and was barely able to articulate her words of incredibly sarcastic affection. "I wanna have Naruto Uzumaki's children, and brag about those blessed children to all my Stone countrymen." Naruto was extremely uncomfortable at this point. "Only the thoughts of his whiskered face, of his blond hair, of his strong physique get me through the day. It is only because of hi-OLY SHIT."

Looking at the entourage of Naruto and his wives was the father of Kurotsuchi, Kitsuchi. His face spoke of severe disappointment, and after beholding his daughter, and her ravings of love, he slowly walked away.

"NONONO. SHITFACE! WALK ME OVER TO MY DAD!" She shouted, somehow managing to find the power to do so, even in her extremely weak state.

He began to run in his direction, but Kitsuchi flashed away in a body flicker, before Kurotsuchi was able to tell him that her exclamations of love were only a joke.

She screamed out in frustration, which cracked mid-way through. Lowering her head in embarrassment, shame, and all around disappointment, she decided to stop talking for the day.

"See what happens when you joke around all the time?" Temari said to her in a chiding tone.

"Wanna see what happens when I clog your urethra full of cement?" Kurotsuchi said quietly, in a rasp, without bothering to raise her head.

"Oh? What was that? I couldn't hear anything over the thoughts of you having to confront your dad after he heard your screams of wanting to get pregnant."

"Shut the fuck up. It was supposed funny."

Indeed it was, and everyone other than Kurotsuchi was having trouble keeping in their amusement. Fu couldn't bear it anymore and started laughing uproariously. This set off a chain reaction among the group, where even the usually cold Yugito was laughing silently at Kurotsuchi's expense

"This is what happens when you imply sarcasm instead of using it." Implying sarcasm is saying things that would be so strange, and outlandish, that people brush it off as untrue, or as humor. Using Sarcasm is the changing on one's tone of voice, to insinuate that what they are saying is untrue. Kurotsuchi implied Sarcasm, but her father apparently didn't understand it as humor. Naruto had a deep understanding of both terms. You can't spell smartass without smart, after all.

"Don't worry my precious Pinkutsuchi-hime-sama, I could never bear the thought of you being embarrassed. To make my dearest love happy again, I'll do anything I can do to clear up any misunderstanding with her father." Naruto said, using sarcasm, instead of implying it.

Wouldn't want any misunderstandings would we?

She grunted.

They spent the rest of their walk to administration in relative silence, with the group bursting out in laughter at random points.

"It's kinda weird how everyone's staring at us." Fu whispered.

It was true, everyone was staring at them walk. Naruto didn't notice it before, due to him being distracted with pushing Kurotsuchi, along with her and Temari's interactions and antics. But the way that they were staring was different than usual. There was a motley of feelings being portrayed on the faces of the people of Konohagakure. There was confusion, disappointment, and even genuine remorse.

"Has this been happening since I went comatose?"

"No, but I have been getting some weird stares after the inauguration. I guess it must be because I'm married to the guy who's the son of the most famous person in Konoha. But I wasn't present for the speech, so I don't know how people recognize me." Fu said.

"You're wearing a waterfall headband on your arm. People can connect dots you know." Temari said.

"Yeah, but still… I'm used to getting stares, but these are different."

They all nodded in agreement. They were all people who garnered attention and were generally known by the common people. Being direct relatives of Kage, Jinchuuriki, or holders of a kekai genkai would do that to people. And after noticing the stares, it was hard to ignore them.

Luckily they were close to administration by then, and they weren't bothered much by the stares along the short walk into the building. Kurotsuchi was presented with another problem. Namely being more stairs.

Get it? It's a pun. They were being bothered by the stares of the people, and now they're getting bothered by physical, walking stairs.

Your extremely humble author continued to laugh to himself at his own joke.

Getting back to the story. Naruto wasn't strong enough to pick Kurotsuchi up and walk up stairs with her. Ninja were toted as being extremely physically strong, however ninja usually prefer to work on speed when considering physical care. Being strong, and being able to lift things up is all well and good, but one is capable of inflicting almost as much damage by transferring the momentum of their speed upon their target, and they get to remain agile and dexterous without the bulky body that becoming strong would entail. That wasn't to say that Naruto wasn't strong. He just wasn't strong enough to safely pick up a girl, who much more mass than him, in his situation, in a wheelchair, and lift her upstairs.

"Oi. Shithead. Kuro wants up." She said, while lifting her arms in a childlike manner.

Yugito sighed and picked her up by her armpits, and placed her on her back in the piggyback position. "You want your bottle too?"

"Mhmm. Give it. I wan' it." Kurotsuchi said, continuing the joke.

The rest of the group was holding back more laughter. "Aren't babies a bit young to be having babies?" Temari asked. This immediately drew Kurotsuchi's ire.

"Shut up Stoic-chan."

They all walked up to the administration room in different states of amusements. It ranged from no amusement at all, to extreme amusement in all forms.

Upon opening the door, they were greeted with Tsunade loudly and pronouncedly stamping a document. It appeared that she did so with great enthusiasm. Sitting across from her was a man with blue hair, an eye patch, and seals on his earrings that read 'seal'; a younger boy with light blue hair, filed teeth, glasses, and a huge bandaged sword on his back; and a mature looking woman wearing a slightly revealing blue dress, red lipstick, and had her hair up in a herringbone pattern that reached her thighs.

"Naruto! You're awake! I knew that getting knocked comatose wouldn't keep you down for long."

"So this is him?" the woman across from Tsunade said with a smile.

"Yup. It's funny timing with Naruto and his wives all here. Naruto Uzumaki, meet your newest wife. Mei Terumi, the leader of the rebel faction of the hidden mist."

Silence reigned upon the entire room.

So much silence.

An absolutely inappropriate amount of silence.

"You've gotta be fucking me."


	14. the beginning of the travels

Chapter 14

"Nope" Tsunade said with a smile. "With this marriage, all the five elemental nations are together in a pact to no longer wage war."

"Hi honey bear" Mei said flirtatiously

Naruto sighed. "Whatever. I am so done with this."

Temari's eyebrow rose. "I thought you'd throw a larger hissy-fit than that."

"Being married to 5 people isn't much different than being married to 4 people."

"Oh? How impersonal, my adorable little husband." Mei said with an eye twinkle. Chojuro and Ao sat quietly, just soaking in the situation.

"She's kinda scary." Fu whispered.

"Yeah, why's she talking to me like that? Isn't she a bit too old to be perving on a teenager?" Naruto asked

A tic marc formed on Mei's eyebrow. "My little husband… you know, you shouldn't comment on a woman's age."

"You shouldn't be married to me. I'm 13, I shouldn't be married to anybody."

"Well you seem to have failed stupendously on that front." She replied cheekily.

Naruto sweat dropped. "Whatever. I'm done. Hey granny?"

"Yeah brat? AND STOP CALLING ME GRANNY!" she yelled at him hotly

"How are the living arrangements going to work?" he asked, dismissing the accusing yell.

Cooling down, she replied "You are going to go around the elemental nations to visit your respective wives' country to train. Every five rotations, one of your wives' are going to come back to Konoha with you to train there."

"How often is a rotation?" Yugito asked.

"About a week or so."

"Isn't Mist in a civil war right now? Wouldn't it be kinda dangerous to go there?" Temari asked

"He'll stay at their main hidden camp. Mei has assured me that it's safe."

"When is this happening?"

"It was supposed to be implemented when Naruto woke up. Not knowing when or if he was going to wake up was going to be a bit of a problem, but it seems to have solved itself."

"Sooo… I'm leaving? Now?" Naruto asked.

"Your wives will be, but you need a bit of time to set your affairs here in Konoha." She looked at Naruto's wives. "You all get your stuff and get back here to teleport back to your countries." She pushed a little bit of chakra into a seal on her desk, alerting the hirashin team. "Naruto, you need to give me the report of your mission, sign off your ownership on your previous apartment, get your stuff, and get back here. You'll be going to Lighting with Yugito first."

"Can't I say goodbye to all my friends?"

"The vast majority are all on missions. I believe that the only person here among your friends in Hinata Hyuuga."

"Eh? Oh, then that's okay... I'll be fine."

"…You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm really sure."

"Okay. You four, dismissed." She said, referring to the four wives of Naruto

They all filed out the door with nary a complaint.

"Naruto. I need your report on the mission."

"Well, it's kinda hard to remember, but after I left Yugito and Kiba to that fish guy and the bone guy, I chased Sasuke-teme to a giant waterfall with two statues on either end. We fought for a bit, but then he used that weird curse seal, so I had to ask the Kyuubi for chakra so I could beat him."

"You asked?"

"Yeah, I'm asking him-it from now on."

"Okay, continue."

"We fought some more, but he turned into this weird monster thing. So I asked for more power from the Kyuubi. We fought some more, and our last blow knocked him out, and stabbed me in the chest. I was about to drag him home-"

"With a stabbed chest?" Mei asked.

"Yeah. Nothing's gunna keep this shinobi down." Naruto said, with a glinting smile and a thumb pointed in his direction.

"My my. My husband gets more attractive by the moment." Mei said lustfully.

Naruto sweat dropped and shuffled away from Mei. "After that, Sasuke's older brother came over, looked at me, and that's the last thing I remember."

"Itachi was there as well?" Tsunade began rubbing her temples. "Why does this shit keep happening to me?"

"_You're _complaining?"

"Yeah I'm complaining brat. I've had to broker a peace treaty between four leaders of hidden villages, convince them to place a hirashin seal tag on their hidden village, deal with the fallout of that shitty mission, tape the treaty back together using goodwill, spit and ducktape, and on top of all of that, I have to hear about you complaining about being married to four chicks! Five now!"

"Oh yeah? Well I've just learned that the person who sealed the giant Kyuubi in my gut was my dad, who was the fourth hokage, that I'll never get to fall in love, that I'll always be married to not only a person, but _people_ who will never get to feel love as well, and that I'm the main cause that they all got seriously hurt!"

"Should we give you some time alone?" Ao asked.

"No, you stay. We still have some things to work out. You, go over to your apartment and sign in off, everything has already been boxed while you were comatose. Pack up everything that you might need, and meet back here, on the double."

"I'm still injured."

"No you're not, you're just tired, and you need to move around some more."

Naruto exited the building, grumbling all the way.

"My my. What a tempered husband I have."

"Well at least your husband hunting days are over." Ao said with a smile. Usually he would be threatened with death for even remotely mentioning her love life, but it seemed that her troubles were over, so that would make it okay to comment on it.

Mei's form got cloaked in a black, viscous aura. Her eyes shone red, and, while smiling, she whispered "Ao, shut up. Or I'll kill you."

He promptly cringed and scooted away from her. "Why did you get mad?!" he squealed. "They are!"

"Ao, you shouldn't comment on a woman who is sensitive about her love life. How she feels about marriage is her deal, and hers alone." Chojuro added tentatively.

Her face turned suddenly to Chojuro, without changing the harshness of its nature. "Chojuro, shut up. Or I'll kill you."

He too cringed away from Mei.

Tsunade began rubbing her temples. 'Why are all the strongest shinobi the weirdest?'

In the distance, Tsunade faintly heard a scream of 'Youth.'

00000000

At Naruto's apartment.

Naruto looked around. He was standing in the home that he had lived in all his life. The place that held him, gave him somewhere to sleep, and protected him from the outside. And this was the last time he was going to see it.

He sedately moved to the bed, and sat down on it.

All his time being awake recently, had been taken up with learning about new things that majorly affected his life, spending time with his wives, or being sent on a mission. He hadn't had any time to actually sit down and think. Not that he usually does that sort of thing, but still, he needed some peace and quiet.

And that's what he got, until Jiraya opened the window and jumped inside. "Hiya brat!"

Naruto turned to look at him, not being phased in the slightest. "Hey Pervy-sage." He said flatly.

"Eh, what's wrong with my bundling barrel of joy?"

"Why are you so happy?"

"Because I'm so proud that my little boy bagged a cougar." He wiped a fake tear from one of his eyes.

"Perv, I am so not in the mood right now."

His face turned serious. "What's wrong brat?"

"I just…" Naruto was having trouble articulating his words "I just feel like the world's been going really fast. Serious, major things have just been happening, with no time to adjust, with no time to wonder if that change is for the better. I just wish that things would slow down."

Jiraya sat down on the bed with Naruto. "Yeah brat, I hear ya. But hey, at least everyone else in the village can empathize with you a little now."

"What?"

"No more war, trade agreements a plenty, the odium of their hate turns out to be the only thing holding it together, and on top of that, he's the son of the most revered hokage ever. Things are changing rapidly, and everyone has to cope with it."

"Are all the people married to four- no, five strangers? Are they all unable to find love?" Naruto said vindictively

"What are you going on about not being able to find love? I'm sure that you'll find it brat."

"But I can't be with anyone outside my wives."

"So don't. That Fu girl looks like she likes you, and so does that Yugito, and that Kurotsuchi."

"But I don't love them, and I am extremely sure that they don't love me."

"But you might, and they might. Kid, love isn't a singular thing, you won't feel love for only one person in your lifetime. Things change, and you have to cope. If you won't be able to find love outside your wives, try to find it inside your wives."

Naruto sat in thought for a while. "Love is weird."

Jiraya started guffawing, scaring Naruto at the suddenness of it. "You got that right kid. Love is a weird, cruel, fucked up mistress. But, being human, you have to find some way to please her."

"But what about them? If I can't date outside the marriage, I doubt they can as well. If I fall in love with one of them, the rest will be alone for the rest of their lives."

"Who said that you have to love just one?"

"Huh?"

"Listen kid, it's been said once, twice, and multiple times over, but you are in a unique situation. Do you think that they haven't thought about that? I can guarantee you that they all have."

"But isn't it wrong to be with multiple people?"

"Says the kid with five wives."

"You know what I mean, you pervert."

Jiraya sat in silence for a while before continuing. "If they acknowledge it, and they all are okay with it. I don't see why you can't _be_ with all of them."

Naruto sat in silence as well. "What about Yugito and Mei? They're a lot older than I am."

"Well once you begin to bridge that gap, I doubt they'll have much of a problem being with you as well."

Naruto sweatdropped. "People don't age at different frequencies, pervert."

"The difference between a 13 year old and a 28 year old, is a lot larger than the difference between a 17 year old and a 32 year old."

"But still…"

"But it's a unique situation, and everyone's going to have to learn to deal with it in their own way."

They sat there for a moment longer. "Thanks pervert. I actually kind of feel better now. Even if I doubt that they'd all agree to date me all at the same time."

"There's nothing that perversions can't fix." Jiraya said with a glint of the teeth.

Naruto looked at Jiraya flatly. "There are so many reasons why that is false." Naruto got up, and went over to the clipboard that was meant to sign his apartment down on one of the boxes close to him, and started signing its release.

"I'm really going to miss this place." Naruto looked up suddenly, in realization. "Where am I going to put all my stuff? I'll be going around to new houses every week. I can't take this stuff."

Jiraya got up as well. "I'll just seal it all for you."

"You can do that?"

"Kid, you'd be surprised at what sealing could do."

"I'll have to learn some on my training circuit."

Jiraya began to wordlessly seal away the boxes into various sealing scrolls. "Hey kid?"

"Yeah, perv-sage."

"I think that you should give up on Sasuke."

That statement hit him like a train. "Why?"

"Because so long as you chase him, you will never feel happy."

"Look, pervy-sage, he's one of the very few people in this world who knows how I feel. We're on the same team, and I am going to get him back.'

"He'll never go willingly with you."

"Then I'll just break his legs, and drag him back." Naruto said immediately

"… So long as you try to bring someone consumed with vengeance back to where you think that person's home is, you will never be happy and neither will he. People with vengeance don't perceive anything as being their home, as anyone worth coming home to."

"And how would you know?"

"Sasuke acted almost synonymously with how Orochimaru acted when he deserted. Kid, you are surrounded by people who have felt what you have felt. Why don't you just plug up that hole that Sasuke left with them?"

"Like how you use sake and women?" he said vindictively

"Exactly like how I use sake and women! These things distract me from the feeling of emptiness that being a shinobi for as long as I have gets you. But you have actual people. Actual people who you can love and be loved by. Actual people who can distract you from that pain."

"I'm not going to feel that pain. Because I refuse to give up. Because that's my ninja way."

"This world is surrounded with pain. Even with all the major ninja villages coming together and deciding not to kill each other anymore, there will be pain, there will always be pain."

"Then I'll do my best to eradicate that pain."

Jiraya looked at Naruto with widened eyes, but quickly looked back down. "I still think you should give up on Sasuke. But you won't back down and neither will I. So promise me one thing kid."

"What?"

"Get stronger, so you'll never feel the pain that Sasuke will shove on you."

Naruto nodded his head. "I'll get stronger and I'll get Sasuke back."

Jiraya got back up, and handed the bunch of scrolls on to Naruto. "You better get back to Tsunade. I've heard that cloud is lovely around this season."

"How do you know I'm going to cloud?"

"I'm not known as a renowned shinobi spymaster for nothing, you know."

"Whatever you say, pervert."

00000000

House that Naruto and co. occupied

Yugito was having a tough time. This was mostly due to the fact that she had been relegated as Kurotsuchi's aide, and was forced to carry her up the stairs, cook for her, seal all her stuff, and talk to her as company. It was the last one that really grated on her nerves, however.

"I cannot wait for when he switches over to Iwa."

'I don't care.' Yugito was currently folding Kurotsuchi's clothes, and preparing them to be sealed into a scroll, while Kurotsuchi was venting from her reclined position on her twin bed.

"I am so going to get him back for making my pops think that I want his kids."

'It was your own damn fault'

"I'm going to cement him in the middle of Iwa, and leave him there for the day."

'That's really harsh.'

"Or I'm going to sneak into his shower."

'How bold.'

"And spray him with quicklime"

'How cruel.'

"Or I'll slice him up just a little during our training"

'You are slightly deranged.'

"Or I might just get to 'accidentally' castrate him."

'You are extremely deranged.'

Yugito decided to but in. "Don't you think that you're being a little harsh?"

"That kid has been nothing but trouble to me ever since I met him."

"What's he done?"

"He dyed all my clothes pink."

"You declothed him in front of his friends."

"He's the reason I almost died."

"You volunteered for that mission along with the rest of us."

"My dad think's I want his kids."

"That's your own damn fault!"

Kurotsuchi sighed in exasperation. "There's just something about his face that I don't like."

"Well maybe if you gave him a chance…"

"Who are you, his mother?"

"I'm just a non-involved person who's looking at a tsundere doing the equivalent of writing love sonnets."

"I'm not a tsundere!"

"Yes you are. You have trouble externalizing you affections to our little, blond haired husband, and mistakingly convert that into physical, and verbal abuse."

Kurotsuchi looked personally offended "I have no affection for him whatsoever."

"So you say Pinkutsuchi." Even Yugito was getting in on the fun of calling Kurotsuchi by her nickname.

"So _I_ say. And stop calling me that."

"Will you admit to being a tsundere?"

"But I'm not a tsundere."

"Says the Pinkutsuchi in denial."

"AAAARRRRG. I swear, he's turning you into him through osmosis."

Yugito blushed slightly. "W-What do you mean by that?"

"Oh please, I know that you snuck into the hospital to cuddle with him in his comatose state."

"I've been having trouble sleeping" Yugito defended indignantly

"So you cuddle a person who's comatose?"

"Yes." Yugito replied, without missing a beat.

"That's not a good thing."

"But… he's really cuddly." Yugito replied monotonously

"How cuddly is he that you sneak out of the house, break into a fucking hospital, and cuddle up to him while he's in a coma?"

"Have you ever slept with him?"

Kurotsuchi blushed at the not so hidden meaning in that question. "Not all of us are so willing to sleep with the first guy we're arranged into a marriage with."

"Well he's really cuddly." Yugito's monotonous replies were getting slightly creepy.

Kurotsuchi sweatdropped. "So I've picked up."

Yugito finished folding Kurotsuchi's clothes, and sealed them into the scroll. She then proceeded to pick Kurotsuchi up from her spot on the bed, and put her in piggyback position.

While Kurotsuchi continued to vent, she went downstairs to meet up with Temari and Fu. They all left for administration together.

"What took you guys so long?" Temari asked.

"We were having a discussion." Kurotsuchi stated.

"More like you were venting your relationship problems to me."

"We're in the same relationship. I'm venting _our_ problems."

"People perceive different things to be different problems."

Kurotsuchi deadpanned. "What's your relationship with him anyway?"

"He's… my… husband?" Yugito said, unsure of what the question was asking.

"No, I mean… how do you perceive him?"

"As… my… husband?"

"You think of him as your husband?"

"…Yes?"

"Okay, I'm not explaining this properly. I don't think of his as my husband because we don't do and haven't done anything that a married couple should have gone through. To me, he's just the guy that I'm shackled up with for life. What is your… emotional connection with him?"

"He's a precious person-"

"-Who you're going to protect. Yeah I've heard this all before. My dad is a person precious to me, and I'm going to protect him. Precious people can be anyone to you. What is _he_ to you?"

"Why are you asking this so suddenly?"

"I was joking around when I started calling you a shotacon, but now I am genuinely worried that you're going to jump his prick."

Yugito started to blush. "I'm not going to force myself on him, he's 13… and, I guess that he's kind of like a little brother to me." She decided.

Fu decided that this was the most opportune time to interrupt. "I know what he is to me. He's my friend."

"I don't know him well, but he did save my brother from insanity. So I'm not going to immediately write him off." Temari said.

"Huh" Kurotsuchi didn't say another word until they hit administration.

The all met up with Tsunade, Mei, and her escorts at the administration room, where they were forced to wait some more for the hirashin team

"You know Mei, maybe you shouldn't tease the kid." Ao said.

"Why? He's just so adorable when he gets flustered."

"That wasn't him being flustered. That was him being worried by his surroundings."

Mei sighed. "Okay, I'll stop teasing him. Honestly, there's not a thing that's fun that I get to do anymore."

"You are the leader of the rebellion. The people are supposed to look up to you. Which means that you can't sexually tease children."

"But he's my husband."

"But he's a child."

Mei sighed again, but remained quiet.

"So why did you decide to offer yourself for this marriage thing?" Temari asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't you have any underlings that would have made for better candidates?"

"Well you were all chosen either because you are related to the kage, or you're a really influential individual in your village. The rebellion doesn't have that. Or at least any women that would fit the role. So I offered myself."

"How old are you really?" Kurotsuchi asked "Like, shouldn't you be more worried that you're shackled to a child for the rest of your life."

"I'm 28."

"Really? You look more… mature than 28."

"Should you really be mocking the kage level shinobi about her age?" Mei said with her sweetest smiles

"No no. you just look mature. Like you've lived longer."

"This isn't making me feel any less want to melt you."

"No, it's just that you're really hot in a more mature way." Kurotsuchi said quickly

Mei's overtly sweet smile became slightly less overt. "Thanks. I think. And to answer your other question, I'm sure that he's going to grow up to be an absolutely ravishing specimen."

Tsunade sweatdropped. "If I hear any reports of unwanted sexual advances, this deal is off."

Mei waved Tsunade off. "I know, I know. Age of consent."

Tsunade's sweatdrop enlarged, and was about to admonish Mei, but was interrupted by the hirashin team all suddenly coming into being.

"What happened? Why did it take so long for you to arrive?" Tsunade asked

"I was taking a nap." Genma replied.

Tsunade got a tic mark on her forehead. "I gave you one job! One! Stay on standby for the hirashin if I need to transport dignitaries across nations. And you fucked that up!"

Genma didn't look very affected by the kage level shinobi yelling at him. "I'm sorry. The technique takes a lot out of you."

She stood up "You haven't been used for weeks."

"I've been mentally disposed as of late."

"With what?"

"I'm not at liberty to say."

Tsunade looked to be on the verge of breaking her desk… again. But she managed to reign in her anger. Sitting down, she said "if it happens again, you're demoted to chunin."

"Fair enough."

Naruto busted through the doorway carrying a bundle of sealing scrolls. "Heya granny." He took stock of the situation. "I thought you said that everyone'd be gone by now."

"They were supposed to be, but this asshat" She pointed to Genma. "Was _mentally disposed_."

"Okay. I have no idea what that means."

"None of us do. Get in the formation and send Yugito and Naruto to cloud." Tsunade barked towards the bodyguard unit.

They all scrambled to do so. After getting into the triangular formation, Genma said to Naruto and Yugito "Get in."

Naruto and Yugito walked in between the group with trepidation. "Clench your stomach." Genma warned, then they immediately activated the jutsu.

It was really disorienting. It's not that there was some sensation of the universe pulling you or something like that. He was looking at one thing, and then everything changed into something else in the blink of an eye.

But Naruto didn't blink. So when he got whisked away to Cloud, he immediately stumbled out of the triangular formation, and fell onto the Raikage's desk, hitting his head and knocking him out cold.

To be fair, Yugito didn't fare much better with her stumbling backwards and landing on her ass.

This was the scene that almost scared Ai into defecating himself. 'Why did I put that seal in my office?' he thought to himself.

The Hirashin Team vanished again, with no report of what happened, as it was rather obvious. Ai looked at Yugito crawling back up from the ground and ordered "Report."

After she managed to stand back up, she professionally replied "Naruto Uzumaki woke up from his coma, so the Hokage ordered that he immediately be sent to Cloud in order to start his training circuit."

Ai leaned over his desk to look at the Uzumaki that was currently drooling on the ground in front of his desk. "And then he managed to knock himself out again." Yugito finished

Ai rubbed his temples and sighed. "I guess his training starts tomorrow."

Yugito walked to the aforementioned Uzumaki, and picked him up. "I'll take him to my home." Ai nodded his head.

Yugito's house was close to administration, so it only took an opened window, a few hops, and she was there with her new husband. Climbing in through the window, she was met with her apartment's Spartan interior that had collected a bit of dust since her excursion to Konoha. She walked over to her bed, and plopped Naruto down on it.

Her bed was one of the few luxuries that she allowed herself. It was a queen, with a heated blanket, and a large amount of fluffy pillows. It didn't fit in at all with the rest of her bare apartment, but she didn't care. It was comfortable, but after discovering that she was a cuddler, she had been having trouble sleeping, and knew that when Naruto was away, she would have trouble finding rest.

But that didn't matter now. It was afternoon, Naruto was fast asleep on her bed, and she didn't have anything better to do.

It didn't matter if she managed to cuddle with Naruto while he was in the hospital. Waiting for all her housemates to fall asleep, sneaking out of the house, and waking yourself up before anyone in the hospital noticed didn't allow for much shut-eye.

So she decided to catch up on her sleep, and after changing to her pajama's, she crawled in bed with him.

She had really missed her bed. It was so comfortable, and that combined with the Naruto she had to cuddle up with sent her to blissful sleep almost immediately.


	15. the misunderstandings

Chapter 15

Naruto woke up feeling like his head had bed put under a pressure grinder. After painfully opening his eyes, he took stock of his situation. Naruto was in an extremely fluffy bed, being glomped from the front by Yugito, and was also in a domicile that he did not recognize.

This worried him extremely, until he remembered how he was teleported to Cloud, where he hit his head. Connecting a few dots, he concluded that the room he was in either belonged to Yugito, or was provided by the resident Kage.

Having Yugito glomped onto his front, he was able to see that her eyes were going crazy under her eyelids, signifying intense dreaming. On one hand, Naruto really needed to get up and treat the growing pain in his head, but on the other hand, waking up someone while in REM was never a good idea.

Having a great idea, he did a quick substitution jutsu with a pillow big enough to take his place, and started to look around the apartment. It was a one floor apartment with bedroom area, a livingroom/kitchen area, a small laundry closet, and a bathroom area. He also noticed that it was bare of most of the things that a residence would usually have, such as pictures, or a TV. On a nearby clock, it read 8:30 AM

His body odor wasn't the healthiest. After all, he hadn't showered in about 2 weeks. So he decided to take some liberties with the apartment and went to the shower, where he stripped off his normal wear, and stepped into said shower.

As the warm water cascaded onto his form, he let a loud sigh out. It was really refreshing to let all the stink off his body, and the hot water did a little to help the throbbing in his head. He was so relaxed that he unknowingly stayed in the shower for 30 minutes. Apparently the hot water was never-ending, or else he would have noticed him staying the shower for as long as he did.

What he did immediately notice was the door to the room opening. Peeking around the curtains, he was met with the glassy eyed form of Yugito. He very nearly screamed in the most feminine and shrill way possible. But was able to conclude that she had something important to say before he was able to do that.

"What do you want, Yugito?" he asked breathlessly.

She was silent for a full moment before replying "Mmmm. I want you." She slurred out

Naruto sweatdropped. "What?"

She was silent for another moment, before grunting, and walking closer to the shower. This slightly freaked him out. "W-What's going on Yugito?" he asked nervously.

She started breathing out her words "I want… I want… I want…" she said, all the while continuing to walk closer to the shower, and the naked Naruto.

Naruto's brain went on rapid fire. 'Is this what pervy-sage meant? Does she really want to _be_ with me? But why is she walking to me? And why are her eyes glazed over? I don't think I'm ready for sex.'

All while he was having these thoughts, Yugito made it to the shower, and calmly walked in, still wearing clothes. 'Why is she still wearing clothes?' Naruto was really freaking out now. He had no experience with the opposite sex, or with sex in general. Not only that, but he was 13 dammit, he felt extreme fear and trepidation for what was about to happen. He saw how the water forced the pajamas onto her skin, almost enunciating her curves, she was nearly breathless, and ghostly silent. Naruto's heart began to beat at extremely rapid levels. This wasn't how he wanted to lose his virginity. Not while having a skull-splitting headache, and with a woman that although he cared about, hardly knew.

Whatever he was expecting to happen, he wasn't expecting her to grab the soap bar and start lathering herself, while still clothed. Creating a soapy mess of her pajamas.

'What the actual fuck.' He was extremely confused, until he was able to connect a few more dots.

Glazed over eyes.

Slow, unsure movements.

Doing things that were extremely illogical.

Weird speech patterns.

Yugito was fucking sleepwalking. Naruto remembered hearing about sleepwalking during one of his many trips to the hospital, but seeing it in actuality was really weird. Yugito was usually so calm, confident, and stoic. And now here she was, lathering her clothed form with soap. It was actually really comical, and Naruto would have laughed in relief, if not for his still pounding skull, and rapid heartbeat. Leaving her to her own devices, he stepped out of the shower, dried himself off, and half clothed himself before looking back at the shower.

The shower was wide open, making water cascade to the floor. 'She's going to make a huge mess.' Naruto was really tempted to just walk away from the situation, but his conscience got the better of him

He walked over to the shower, and turned the water off. She was still lathering herself with nothing, so it looked like she was repeatedly rubbing her wet, clothed, body. Naruto grabbed her hand, and slowly led her out of the shower. She was sopping wet, and no amount of toweling off would dry her pajamas. She had to get off the clothes so she wouldn't be wet, and so she wouldn't catch a cold. Naruto sighed, looked away, and began to unbutton her top pajamas. He refused to be a pervert like Jiraya. After her pajama top was wide open, he, while still looking away, got her to shrug it off. She didn't wear underwear under her sleepwear

'Okay, top done. Just move to the bottom.'

He grabbed the spandex part, and quickly pulled it down. Careful not to look up, he crouched down, and lifted each leg quickly to get her legs out of the leg holes. When she was completely naked, he began to towel off her form. When she was dry to a sufficient degree, he led her back to room, still naked, and got her to lie back down on the bed.

After covering her up with her blanket, she immediately fell back to normal sleep. Naruto sighed 'Well that was an ordeal' he thought to himself. He then went to the kitchen to look for any head-ache pills, and after scouring the place, he finally found some in one of the top-most drawers and quickly downed a couple with a glass of water.

He went back to the bathroom, and cleaned up the floor with some spare towels. After doing that, he clumped up all the towels and the clothes sans his own, and brought them over to the laundry closet thing to dump them all in. Naruto then started the cleaning cycle.

Once the bathroom was all cleaned up, he re-entered it in order to get fully clothed. And went to go get some breakfast. Her pantry consisted of a single box of cereal. Shrugging his shoulders, he quickly made a bowl of it for himself, and downed it almost immediately. He went to get a look outside, but a package blocked the door from being fully opened. Looking down on it, he noticed that it had a note:

_Dear Naruto Uzumaki._

_You are to start your training this morning at 10:00 at training ground 8. Don't be late. We've provided you with our traditional Kumo chunin wear._

He looked at the clock. 9:50.

Eyes growing wide, he shut the door, opened the box, and feverishly began stripping his clothes off and replacing the clothes with the chunin fatigues. Once he was presentable, he ran out the door, and began speeding off.

After realizing that he didn't know where training ground 8 was, he slowed down and ran up to the nearest shinobi that he could find.

She was dark-skinned, had red hair, was wearing a frilly dress under her Kumo chunin fatigues, and had a sword strapped to her back.

"Do you know where training ground 8 is?" he asked quickly.

One of her eyebrows rose. "Yeah. That's where I'm heading now. Why do you need to know?"

"I'm supposed to be there by 10:00" he said quickly, fearing that he might be late.

"Just follow me. We're not that far." She said, still confused. 'Why would this guy need to go to our training ground?' she didn't voice her concerns, however. And just began to speed off in the direction that she had been heading before being interrupted by Naruto, who quickly followed suit.

As they were running, Karui decided to interrogate the shinobi slightly. "What's your Name?"

"Naruto."

'Naruto… I swear I've heard that name before.' "How old are you?"

"13" He answered.

"That's how old I am, why didn't I see you in the academy?"

"Oh, I'm new here."

"You're _new_ here? How does a Kumo chunin just _become_ a Kumo chunin?"

"Well… they gave me the vest…"

"That's not what I meant. How could a person new to Kumo become a chunin level Kumo shinobi?"

"I'm not even from Kumo, I'm from Konoha."

Karui's eyes widened. 'Oh, so he must be an emissary.' She had, of course, heard about the agreement between the nations to not wage war, to train together, yadda yadda yadda. But she was having slight trouble believing that the shinobi that was running next to her was a diplomat from Konoha that was meant to represent an entire village

"Aren't you kind of young to be an emissary from Konoha?"

Naruto, not knowing what emissary meant, took her phrasing to be an incredulousness that he was the part of the symbolic marriage that was representing his hidden village. It had been a few weeks, details of the marriage would be known to the people, so he wasn't very surprised that she recognized him, even if she actually didn't. "Yes, I am way too young to be an emissary from Konoha." He spoke in deadpan.

Miscommunication leads to misunderstanding, which leads to conflict, which leads to death, which leads to hate. And thus the cycle of hate perpetuates itself.

So it was a good thing that this miscommunication was over something that had extremely little prevalence in the shinobi world.

Karui's eyes widened, that wasn't the sort of response that she had been expecting. "If you're too young, why are you here?"

"It's a long story." Naruto said exasperatedly "But it could all be summed up as: my dad fucked up."

Karui decided not to pry any further, and they reached the training ground with no more conversation. It was there that they met up with the rest of her team sans the sensei.

Standing in the open was a fairly well-endowed blond kunoichi, wearing a miniskirt under her Kumo fatigues, and a tanto on her back. He idly noticed that her vest had been slightly modified to accommodate her large bust size. The person standing next to her was a dark-skinned male, wearing standard Kumo fatigues, had a katana on his back, and was sucking on a lollipop.

"Oi, Omoi. Stand up straight and show some respect. This guy's a Konoha emissary." Karui ordered to her laid back teammate.

His eyes widened considerably, while Samui's only widened marginally. Had to keep a cool appearance after all. His back stood up straighter. "H-Hello Konoha-san. I'm Omoi, and this is Samui. We're honored to have you here." He then proceeded to bow respectfully.

This definitely surprised Naruto. "Eh, it's cool, I'm Naruto Uzumaki. Nice to meet you."

"It's cool to meet you too Uzumaki-san" Samui responded.

"Just call me Naruto." He said amicably. "So why was I called here?"

"Bee said that we're supposed to train you." Omoi responded. "But he was busy writing songs, so he couldn't meet up with you."

"Okay… what are we going to start with?"

"Do you know any kenjutsu?" Omoi asked.

"I know how to throw kunai and shuriken."

Omoi sweatdropped. "Practically all of our skill-set is comprised of sword wielding."

"What can you do with a sword that you can't with a kunai?" Naruto knew that swords provided larger reach, and were generally more deadly than kunai, but he didn't know why there had to be an entire shinobi discipline dedicated to the art.

Omoi promptly unsheathed his katana, shouted out **"Head cleaver" **and swung his sword in the direction of a few dummies, beheading all of them at once in a fantastic display of chakra being flung at high speeds from his blade.

Omoi was breathing slightly. "Sometimes it takes a bit of chakra, but if you have good control and good kenjutsu skills, then you can do a lot of extremely useful maneuvers."

Naruto was dumbstruck. "Where do I start?"

Omoi took out a scroll and unsealed a katana from it, he then handed it over to Naruto. "It's my spare. You can use it for now."

"Oh. Okay! Thanks!" Naruto experimentally unsheathed the blade, and held it out in front of him, getting a feel for the weight.

"Katana's are extremely versatile weapons. They're flexible, but also extremely sharp; which can only be achieved when using different metal types during the forging process. If imbued with some chakra metal, they can store chakra for short periods of time, and if manipulated correctly, can be used to discharge all that chakra in a singular direction."

"Okay." Naruto said, understanding so far.

"However, to get to the point where you can safely discharge chakra, you have to have the kata's of the movements transcribed to your muscle memory, and have the ability to actually internally mold the chakra, externally push that chakra into the blade, externally mold that chakra, and externally discharge that chakra, all the while being careful to manipulate it correctly."

"Okay." Naruto didn't really understand all the chakra mumbo-jumbo, but he'd cross that bridge when it came to it.

"For now, we'll just go over the kata's. There are a lot of strikes that are supposed to be used against opponents with different knowledge in wielding various weapons, as well as open-handed combat. But for now, we'll just focus on the strikes that have to do with fighting another kenjutsu user."

Naruto nodded. Omoi began showing him how to do all the strikes, from overhead, to side, to diagonal, etc. and critiquing him on all the points that Naruto was getting wrong in when he tried it himself.

"Is everyone a better teacher than Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto mumbled to himself.

"What was that?" Omoi asked.

"Nothing." Naruto said with a grin.

00000000

Back at Yugito's house.

Yugito just woke up from her extremely long sleeping session. She began to stretch her body out, and sought the warmth and comfort that the bedmate would usually provide. After reaching out under the covers of the entire bed, she concluded that her bedmate was gone.

Yugito slowly sat upright, and arched her back out to stretch out the kinks. She wasn't expecting her nipples to harden at the sudden loss of warmth and introduction to the chilly air. Yugito looked down and noticed a lot of other things about her current situation. Namely that she was naked, and her hair was also wet. She took Naruto's absence to be a bit more serious after noticing those other two things.

'What happened? Why am I naked? Why is my hair wet?' she pondered to herself, as she got up and dressed for the day. 'I could have sworn that I fell asleep in my pajamas.' Walking into the living room, she saw signs of another person getting ready for the day. Things like an unwashed bowl of cereal, the washer running, the shower obviously having been used. But what got most of her attention was Naruto's clothes scattered around the entryway of the house.

Yugito started getting extremely worried. She went to the washer, and looked inside. Sure enough, the pajamas that she could have sworn that she wore last night was swirling around inside of it.

Her brain started connecting the dots in the incorrect order. She woke up naked, she had showered at some point, Naruto's clothes were scattered about the entrance, her own clothes were in the washer, and he hadn't woken up with her.

The 'truth' hit her like a ton of bricks. She slumpt against the nearest wall for support, and slowly slipped down as her legs lost the ability to support themselves. Her eyes were wide, and her mouth was open in shock. 'I slept with him… Holy shit I slept with him. But why can't I remember anything?' His clothes were haphazardly swept across the entrance, which might have signified a struggle. 'No I didn't just sleep with him. I _raped_ him.' Utter revulsion swept into her being. The first person that she had sworn to protect for a long time, and she just raped him.

Yugito felt like she needed to puke. She crawled over to the toilet and began to dry heave. It was horrible, the feeling that she was having. It was sheer and utter contempt to her being. She felt dirty on the inside, the outside, and everywhere between. After her dry heaving episode was over with, she slumpt back onto the wall and cupped her face in her hands.

'This could mean the end.' The end of the peace treaty between the nations, but more importantly, the end of her relationship with Naruto. She had just gotten a friend, a little brother, a person who she could look after, protect and get stronger to protect. And she had just ended that.

She leaned her head back against the wall and just sat there for the time being. She had to think things through. 'Okay, okay… Just because his clothes were strewn about, doesn't mean I raped him. For all I know, it could have been completely consensual.' Another wave of revulsion swept across her being. 'Why can't I fucking remember anything?' she gripped her still wet hair with both of her hands, signifying frustration.

'So his clothes were off. My clothes were off. My clothes somehow ended up in the washer. And we probably slept in the same bed at some point. I don't think I could spin that in any other way than us having sex.' She started breathing in and out deeply. 'Christ, maybe Kurotsuchi was right. Maybe I _am_ a shotacon.'

Yugito slowly began to get up. 'Yo, Matatabi?'

She heard grumbling in the back of her head. **"What?"** came the bleary voice of her resident bijuu.

'Do you remember anything about last night?'

"**I remember being asleep. Why?"**

'I think that I had sex with Naruto.'

This garnered the sexless bijuu's immediate attention. **"Wow kitten. How bold of you."**

'No, not bold. Disgusting. I just had sex with a shinobi half my age, and I don't even remember it.'

"**What about that saying… old enough to kill, old enough to fuck?"**

'What saying? I've never heard about that. Not only that, but nobody is old enough to kill. Killing is a service that one must undertake for safety of either the self or the country. Nobody is old enough to kill, while there are certainly a lot of reasons why people shouldn't be old enough to have sex.'

"**Like what? You did say ****_sex_**** and not ****_rape._****"**

'I'm not clear on how consensual it was. And he's 13, he's not even fully sexually mature yet.'

"**So you'd be willing to do him in a couple of years?"**

Yugito groaned in frustration. 'Why do I ever come to you for support?'

"**Because the only one you have to talk to anymore is the voice inside your head."**

'Cute' she thought to Matatabi humorlessly. She got up and made for the front door. 'I have to patch things up with him. Talk to you later.'

"**Bye bye. My adorably little kitten shotacon."**

Yugito's eye began to twitch fiercely. She noticed the box that was opened up next to the door, and the letter that came with it.

She read the letter only up to mention of training ground 8, and promptly sped out the door in search of her husband.

00000000

Training ground 8

Naruto was getting the hang of swordplay.

Not that he would be able to seriously fight against an opponent with battle experience any time soon, but he was getting used to wielding a sword, and the several strikes that came along with it.

Once Omoi had given him the thumbs up of approval towards his slash's form, he had been instructed to continue doing the strikes over and over, to get them recorded in his muscle memory. But that's kind of boring. Naruto may not like sitting still for long periods of time, but doing monotonous work for long periods of time was almost quite as bad. So he decided to ask some questions, to alleviate the boredom. Omoi and Karui had started sparring, but Samui was just watching him do the kata's, probably to make sure that he was getting them right.

"How high up is Kumo?" Naruto asked.

"About 6,500 feet above sea level." Samui responded.

"That's really high."

"Yeah. We're not called the village hidden in the clouds for nothings." Naruto could believe it. He looked out at the crags and spires that jutted up through clouds with a slight sense of awe. It looked like rocks were taking a bath in milk.

"So, why are there so many dark-skinned people?" Omoi and Karui stopped sparing and stared at him with stupefied expressions.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Karui asked.

Naruto got scared that he might have flubbed that question. "It's just that there aren't very many dark-skinned people in Konoha." He said quickly.

"Really?" Karui asked.

"Yeah. If fact, that Bee guy was the first black person that I've met."

All three of their eyes widened. Black was the main ethnicity in Kumo, to hear that there were so few people of color that Naruto had yet to meet one before Bee was slightly jarring.

They were about to further question Naruto, but were interrupted by Yugito flying in. she was breathing heavily, her eyes were wide and dilated, and her hair was damp-ish.

She calmly walked up to Naruto, who blushed upon remembrance of the mornings activities. She didn't take the blush on his face as a particularly good sign.

"Omoi, Karui, Samui." She said, acknowledging their presence. They looked at her in confusion. Although they knew each other mostly from the fact that Bee and Yugito were the Jinchuuriki of Kumo, and Bee being their sensei would assure that they would have met. Whenever they did meet, Yugito would be withdrawn, cold, and unfriendly. So seeing her in this state was slightly worrisome.

Looking at Naruto, she immediately averted her gaze to anywhere but his eyes. "I need to talk to you." She said simply.

"Whoa wait, why do you need to talk to him?" Karui asked.

She started fidgeting nervously. "Look, I just need to talk to him alone for a few seconds." She said again.

Naruto was starting to get nervous too. "It's okay guys. I'll be right back." He said with one of his patented foxy smirks. He and Yugito started to hop away a distance from the three bewildered Kumo genin.

Once they were out of sight from the genin team, Yugito stopped, and got on one knee, to get on eye level with Naruto. "Listen… do you remember what happened?" Yugito asked Naruto. He started blushing again, and fidgeted slightly. She was planning on confirming what happened, then going on to explain that she was going to try her best to put everything that happened behind her.

"Yes. But you weren't supposed to." Naruto said, alluding to the fact that once sleepwalkers were put to bed, they were supposed to have forgotten everything that they did while in their walking slumber. This statement perplexed Yugito for a second. But then a few things clicked inside her mind.

'Wait. I wasn't supposed to remember?... Did he… drug me?' Yugito's eyes went wider than they had ever been. She grabbed Naruto's shoulders and slammed him onto the ground in a moment of fantastic fury. "YOU RAPED ME!?" she shouted at him.

Naruto was having trouble breathing from his sudden slam onto the ground. Yugito extended her claws ominously. Her eyes were full of emotion; disappointment, rage, disbelief, horror, but most prominent of all was betrayal.

Tears began to well up in her eyes and she began to shake. "I trusted you…" she said quietly. Yugito was trembling violently enough to the point where her shaking hands were making him worried that she might cut something important by accident.

Or on purpose

Naruto finally got control of his breathing, and immediately shouted "you were sleepwalking!"

This caused Yugito to stop shaking quite as much. She held her sharpened claws to Naruto's throat, and whispered "What did you say?"

Naruto calmly explained what happened that morning to Yugito, or at least as calmly as one could with sharpened claws directed towards one's throat. After hearing his explanation, she backed off of him, retracted her claws, and sighed in relief.

"You thought I raped you?" Naruto asked, while getting up. He was extremely freaked out by what Yugito had done, and was shaking slightly in fear. Yugito took a moment, but was able to explain her side of the story, which Naruto was able to laugh at.

"But I was knocked out. How could we have had sex?" he asked.

"I don't know, I guess I wasn't thinking properly. I've been having a really strange morning" They both looked at each other straight in the eyes, and burst out laughing. Naruto was laughing at the absurdity of the whole situation, while Yugito was laughing only in relief.

Miscommunications lead to misunderstandings, which leads to conflict, which leads to death, which leads to hate. And thus the cycle of hate perpetuates itself.

Naruto got back up, and dusted himself off. "I have to go back and train."

Yugito also got back up. "Yeah, I think I need to go rest a bit." She replied shakily

Naruto chuckled a little bit. "You sure do sleep a lot."

That, she did.

00000000

Training ground 8. 6:00

Naruto was gasping for breath, and covered in sweat. To go through a kata movement does take very little energy, but doing the kata movements for hours on end, with little to no rest does take its toll on the body.

"That's probably good enough for today." Karui said.

Naruto was doubled over, only supported by the katana that he was leaning on, when he fell over backwards to fully try and catch his breath.

Karui looked on with slight admiration, and then addressed Omoi. "I've never seen someone work so hard before."

Omoi looked on at the sight of Naruto gasping for air on the ground as well. "Yeah. He's taking really well to kenjutsu, or at least a lot better than I would have expected for a Konoha shinobi."

Samui walked up and nudged him on the side. "It's not cool of you to stay here. Where do you sleep?"

Naruto half-heartedly waved her off. "It's fine. I've got a place to be." He then proceeded to get himself back up, and stretched his still sore muscles.

"How long are you staying here?" Samui asked.

"Granny said that I'd be taking weekly rotations." Naruto then began to walk in the direction that he came from.

"Wait." Samui said "What do you mean, weekly rotations?"

Naruto looked back at her. "I'm going across the elemental nations. Every major village, and Waterfall. It's happening in weekly rotations."

"Oh." This somewhat surprised Samui. Usually diplomats only tried to connect to one village or country at a time. Anymore and one would run the risk of making an egregious mistake by way of accidentally swapping different cultures' customs. But then again, Naruto seemed to only have passing knowledge on the hidden village of Kumo, and it wasn't like he was doing anything to span the gap between countries. He was just being trained by them. This was a perplexing situation to Samui.

He jogged off in the direction of Yugito's house. Leaving the genin to their own devices.

On his light job to Yugito's house, he passed by a supermarket. Remembering Yugito's dismal pantry, he decided to get some actual food for them.

Reaching around in his pockets, he found a wallet brimming with cash.

'Score.' Must be foreign policy to give diplomats huge sums of spending cash.

After making the purchases, he made his way back to Yugito's, where he found her in the middle of the living room whilst meditating.

Deciding not to disturb her, he began cooking the meal straight away. As fumes of dinnery goodness made its way across the house, Yugito began to perk up.

Cutting her session with Matatabi short, she made her way to the kitchen, where she found Naruto putting the finishing touched on fried fish.

Naruto noticed her presence, and looked back at her with his foxy grin. "Do you like fish?" he asked.

She nodded absently. Yugito still wasn't used to the concept of a home cooked meal, so this gesture was really rather touching to her.

He set the fish on plates, and brought them over to the table. Setting down the plates with the silverware for his wife, he sat down and began to eat his food. Slower than he usually would.

She sat down and began to eat her fried fish as well. It was good. Not splendid, but definitely a net positive.

"Look…" Naruto started "I'm really sorry about the whole misunderstanding this morning." He said with an apologetic expression.

"O-Oh, its fine. I probably overreacted anyway." She responded while fidgeting nervously.

"No, it's not your fault. I knew that I should have left a note or something." But he didn't, because he was a little low on time at the time.

"Look… Can we just… drop it?" she asked earnestly.

Naruto looked at her with a wistful expression. "Yeah. Okay." He looked like he had something more to say, but decided not to continue.

"What?"

"What?"

"You look like you have something more to say, so just say it." Yugito said plainly.

"It's just…" he began "… I would never try to hurt a person precious to me. And you're one of the people most precious to me." He said

Yugito gave a light smile, with a mouth full of fish. After swallowing, she replied "Same with you."

She wasn't a poet after all.

After cleaning their plates, they made their way to bed. Where they both cuddled in for the night.

Miscommunication leads to misunderstanding, which leads to conflict. However, conflict does not inherently mean something bad. Conflict as its core definition is an interaction. And although most interactions between humans of different cultures end up with death, sometimes they end up with love.

But only in the rarest of cases.


	16. the misunderstandings pt 2

Chapter 16

"Ha!"

"Ha!"

"Ha!"

Naruto was going through his new kata for kenjutsu, and rapidly exhaling whenever he went through a particular stroke.

It had been 5 days since he woke up in Kumo, meaning that he'd be leaving the next day. He was going to miss his new friends/ instructors, team Bee. It was really fun hanging around them, but at least he was going to be able to see them again in a month.

"Ha!"

"Ha!"

"Ha!"

Naruto's shirt was off, and every time he swung his sword, little droplets of sweat would glance off his frame. Our favorite blond haired Jinchuuriki caught slight movement in the corner of his eye, and turned just a little to look at its source. Samui, who had been the source of the movement and was looking at him from out of earshot, quickly averted her gaze from his form.

His time spent with Bee's genin team had been a lot of fun for him, and he even picked up on their quirks. From Karui's slight irascibility, to Omoi's overthinking attitude, to Samui's always cool and calm demeanor, and of course, Bee's rapping.

That fucking rapping.

Karui noticed Samui's position, and with a smirk on her face, went to join her in conversation. Naruto looked away and continued his kata movements. Omoi and Bee were sparring from just out of his eyesight.

It had astounded him when the rapping Jinchuuriki and his students first sparred in front of him. Bee had produced 7 smaller blades, and held them at strategic points all over his body. He then proceeded to fight all 3 of them off at the same time. It didn't look so much like a fight as a dance. Bee weaved through their swings, parrying, blocking, and striking all with expert ease. That fight had shown Naruto the true gulf between jonin and genin.

"Ha!"

"Ha!"

"Ha!"

Naruto continued his movements. He really liked the katana, which surprised him. He had always figured himself out to be a brawler-type ninja, one who could take and deal punishment all in order to delay, or beat down the enemy. But with the non-stop kenjutsu training over the week that he had been there, he had really taken a liking to the sword arts. It just felt comfortable to him.

Of course he was of no threat to any of the genin team when dealing with strictly kenjutsu. A week of hard training still could never come close to years of training and experience with swords. Kenjutsu is part of the curriculum of the academy in Kumo, he quickly found out. But he could still feel himself improving with the sword, which he liked a lot. After all, he would need all the strength he could get in order to protect all the people precious to him from the likes of akatsuki or Orochimaru. That, and he would get Sasuke back to Konoha, willingly or not.

"Ha!"

"Ha!"

"Ha!"

Samui finished her conversation with Karui, and with a slight blush on her face, walked forward to him. He found great pleasure in talking to her over their time training together. He would probably attribute it to how her personality always dictated a cold and concise response, so he would always try to get either an emotional, or an intellectual rise out of her. He wasn't very successful, but it was still fun seeing her respond to his prodding.

He lowered his sword as Samui got closer to him. "Hey Samui. What's up?" he asked, still dripping slightly with perspiration.

She was finding it difficult to meet his eyes, so she drew them downwards and to the side. "If you would like to," she said with a strong resolve "Would you accompany me for some dinner?"

"Yeah… sure." Naruto said warily. He had never seen Samui with any sign of a lack of confidence, failure to create eye contact was one show of unconfident behavior.

"Okay then, when and where can I pick you up?" She _was_ the citizen, she knew the area better, and thus knew which restaurants were good, so she was going to be the one to pick him up. He told her the address, and after memorizing it, she walked confidently back to Karui, who raised her hand for a high-five. Samui, in another show of uncharacteristic behavior, tentatively raised her hand to meet Karui's.

'What was that about?' Naruto asked mentally.

00000000

Yugito's apartment.

Naruto was having a slight dilemma. Namely, he still couldn't find his favorite orange jacket.

After Naruto and Yugito woke up the day after the whole 'sleepwalk SNAFU', a shinobi said that the Raikage needed her for a mission. Apparently it was a long-term reconnaissance mission, so she was still gone after 4 days. But what was strange was that Naruto couldn't find his jacket anywhere after she left. It was just there one moment, then, POOF, he couldn't find it.

It was 5:50, he told Samui to pick him up at 6:00.

Naruto sighed and walked back to the room that he shared with Yugito. After heavy-duty kenjutsu training, all of his t-shirts had been basically turned into sweat rags. So the only thing that he had left was his one dress shirt, which was colored white. Luckily enough, his orange pants were in prim condition for an evening out.

Naruto began to ponder the reason for his marriage for the umpteenth time again. 'Pervy-Sage said that the whole reason for this marriage was to show how leaf and the other nations could stay together by using me and my wives as a symbol to be looked up to by the citizens of our nations.' Naruto thought out logically. 'So why is it that Yugito is sent on a long mission the day after I wake up?' He sighed in confusion 'This doesn't make any sense.'

The doorbell rang out, and Naruto quickly went to open the door to Samui.

"Good evening." She said in her cold tone. She was wearing a normal purple blouse and a navy blue skirt that went down just above her knees. There was also a light dusting of make-up on her face. In shinobi terms, she was really dressed up for a night out. This made Naruto feel slightly better about his own choice of semi-formal clothing.

He gave her a big, foxy grin, and stepped outside with her. "Hey Samui." He said with a cheerful demeanor. "So where do you want to go to eat?"

She looked off to the distance and responded with an airy tone "There's this place that I've always wanted to eat at." She began to walk off, with Naruto following next to her.

"Great. So where is it?" Naruto asked excitedly. He hadn't been able to hang out with his friends for a while, except for when training, and he didn't really count that as 'hanging out.' So with his extroverted personality, he was really craving some interaction with his newfound friends.

"It's a bit of a walk." She replied vaguely.

"So why don't we run?" he asked. They were ninja after all. Walking wasn't really something done all that often.

She glanced down at her feet. She was in high heels. "It's not that cool to ask a lady to run in high heels." She replied cheekily.

Naruto blushed in embarrassment. "Sorry, I didn't notice that you were wearing them."

So they were walking to get the food. Which was a ways away. While wearing formal wear. And Samui was being uncharacteristically cheerful, or at cheerful for her. When she asked him to get dinner with her, she didn't mention anything about anyone else coming with them, and she seemed kind of embarrassed when doing so.

All of these things suddenly occurred to Naruto. His eyes went wide with realization. 'Is this a date?' Naruto brushed off this notion as soon as it came to him. She wouldn't ask him out on a date. She knew that he was the one who was in an arranged marriage with Yugito, right? Everything's probably just a coincidence.

Naruto looked at Samui, and tried to come up with unique topics of conversation, but failed. "So… what do you like most about Kumo?" Naruto finally came up with.

She looked up at the sky. "The people." She said plainly.

"The people?" Naruto wasn't expecting that answer. With Samui's cold attitude towards just about everything, he suspected that the people would be on the bottom of her 'likes' list.

"Yes." She looked around her, at the people surrounding them on the street. "I like them. They're all just… happy, and I like that." She said with a slightly melancholic smile on her face.

"So you're happy because they're happy?" Naruto ventured.

Samui was silent for a moment. "Yes. I'm happy when they're happy."

Naruto walked alongside her in silence for a moment, pondering. Naruto loved Konoha. It was his home, of course he loved it. However, when he thought of the people that made up Konoha, it didn't fill him up with happiness. He remembered all the stares, all the whispers about him. He remembered that the parents of the kids that he played with as a child would always warn their children not to play with him. He remembered being alone, while swinging dourly on the academy swing set, looking at the people of Konoha with envy. They were happy. But that didn't make him happy.

Samui noticed his face, which was scrunched up in thought. "Are you okay?" she asked with some concern.

Naruto broke out of his funk, and gave her his foxy smile. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Samui looked on, not believing him. "You sure?"

"Yes." Naruto said, wishing that she would drop it.

She looked dubiously at him, but decided not to pry further. "So what do you like about Konoha?" she asked.

Naruto thought in silence for a bit. "The people who are precious to me."

"The same as me?"

Naruto found it difficult to articulate how they were different. "No… just the ones that I like." Naruto inwardly cringed. That sounded extremely shallow, even to his normal denseness. "Wait, not like that. It's just… I didn't have a lot of friends as a kid. So when everyone around me was happy, I didn't feel happy, because I was alone." This got Samui's attention. "So when I finally did get people that liked me, I guess that I just latched onto them."

Samui was silent for a moment. "So you live because of other people?"

"…Yes." Naruto said with great resolve.

"That's kind of stupid." Samui said with a straight face.

That drew a little bit of Naruto's ire. "What? Don't you do the same thing?"

"I'm happy because the people are happy, but I don't live for them. I live for myself."

Naruto was a loss for words. "Huh? What about your teammates?"

"What about them?"

"Well… wouldn't you fight for them?"

"Of course I would, they're my teammates."

"But…" Naruto truly didn't know how to respond to her.

Samui sighed. "I don't live for them, because if they die, then I wouldn't have anything to live for."

Solid logic. However, that almost directly contradicted his belief. "The reason that I have to get stronger." Naruto said "is to protect the people precious to me."

Samui looked at him strangely. "You don't get stronger for the village? Or it's people?"

Naruto was having a lot of his convictions called into question, which he didn't really like. "No, I fight for the people."

"Wrong, you fight for your people." She said accusingly.

"That's right, I fight for the people close to me."

"But what happens if they die?" she asked with a serious expression on her face. They're ninja. They experience death. Death of the ones closest to a person who was a ninja was almost unavoidable.

"But they won't die. Because I'm going to get stronger to protect them." Naruto said resolutely, believing that he had won the argument.

"So on every mission, on every outing, on every chance that they might be in the slightest danger, you'll be there for them? To protect them?"

Naruto was silent in thought for a while. "No."

"What if they die?"

"I don't… know."

Naruto was feeling really conflicted all of the sudden. "But what else can I do? I'm always going to fight for them. To my dying breath."

"And as will I, but I acknowledge that sometimes my friends will die. That's just how life is. People live, and people die. You can't be strong enough to protect them all. And even if you were strong enough to protect them all, if the only thing that you do is protect them, then that denotes that you don't have any faith in their abilities."

Naruto remembered Yugito's story about how her friends were killed. About how the Third was killed. It was true, sometimes people die and you can't do anything to change that. But then he remembered his and his wives' oath in the hospital, to get stronger and protect each other. Naruto shook his head. "I live for my friends, because if I didn't, I couldn't live with myself."

Samui nodded appreciatively. "That's stupid…" Naruto looked at her, aggravated. "But it's also kind of cool." His expression cheered up.

"…Thanks." He said.

She looked at him in confusion. "For what?"

Naruto looked wistful. "I don't know. I guess… thanks for making me think."

"You don't do that very often do you?"

Naruto stuck his tongue out at her, and she giggled in response.

They spent the rest of the walk to the restaurant in relative silence.

When they arrived, Naruto felt his mouth go dry. The inside had probably the fanciest atmosphere that he had ever seen in his life. It had a decadent feel to it, and he noticed that all the meals looked really good, but had little, if any, substance to them. He felt really underdressed in his dress shirt and track pants.

Although the inside reeked of decadence and splendor, it was only about half-way full. A server walked up to the two shinobi and greeted them. "Welcome to the Lightning Flash, how may I serve you?"

"A table for two." Samui said readily. The server walked them towards a window table.

After being seated, Naruto commented "I've never been anywhere so fancy."

"Neither have I." Samui stated "My brother always talks about how he takes his girlfriend here, and I wanted to see what it was like as well. But I needed someone to take with me." She finished with a light smile.

Naruto inwardly sighed in relief. 'So it wasn't a date. She was just curious about this restaurant.'

Naruto wasn't the best at picking up social cues, especially not when they actually have to do with romance. This could easily be explained by the fact that he didn't have very many people that he could confide in for help, as well as the fact that he had never been sought out as a romantic pursuit, and didn't have any idea what it would look or feel like.

That being said, it was extremely dense of him to not notice that Samui was into him, and had asked him out on a date. Even as he was on the date with her.

Naruto asked her about herself. She recounted her life story with nary a sad expression or countenance.

When she was really young, her parents had died. Leaving her and her brother in an orphanage. Her brother, Atsui, decided to become a ninja, so he got the orphan-ninja-protection plan which was customary in all the major ninja villages. The package included a small apartment to live in, as well as a village stipend for him to live off of. He took Samui in with him when he relocated to said apartment and she resolved to become a ninja just like him, to take some of the burden off of him.

She turned out to be a really good ninja, and rose to the top of the leaderboards in the academy. After graduating at top shinobi, she was placed on a team with Omoi, Karui, and Bee.

As she was recounting her tale, the waiter showed up and took their orders.

"That's kind of a sad story." Naruto said in a dour tone.

"It's not that bad. I have my brother, even if he's kind of a hot-head, I have my teammates, and I have my sensei." She replied coolly.

Naruto's visage brightened up. "Yeah. If you have people that you love around you, nobody could be unhappy."

Samui smiled melancholically "Yeah, I guess. What about you?"

"Hm?"

"What's your story?" she clarified.

"Well… I was born an orphan. There was nobody there for me when I was a kid, so I kind of turned into a screw up. But on the day that I graduated from the academy, my teacher showed that I meant a lot to him, and he became my first precious person." Naruto didn't know if his status as Jinchuuriki was still confidential. The topic had never come up when training with Bee and his team, and he never brought it up for fear that it might still be a village secret. So he decided to opt that part out of his story. "After that, I met my team. They're all really nice. Kakashi's really lazy, and a horrible teacher. Sakura's really nice, and always tries her best. Sasuke's kind of a dick…" Naruto trailed off on his mention of Sasuke. "We went a lot of missions together, but then I became an emissary." Naruto still thought that emissary meant a person who was pushed into an arranged political marriage. "Then Sasuke abandoned the leaf, and I made a promise to get him back to Konoha. After that, I started my training circuit, and now I'm here." Naruto finished off with a smile.

"Why did Sasuke leave?" Samui asked.

"I don't… I don't really know. He said that he needed power to kill his brother, who was responsible for the Uchiha massacre."

Samui's eyes widened. "You were on a team with the last Uchiha?"

Naruto had a sad expression on his face. "Yeah. He was kind of a dick, but I felt like he was the only person who knew how it felt to be alone. I always wanted to be his friend."

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Naruto put up his biggest, and greatest smiles. "Nope, I don't accept your sympathy, because I'm going to get him back."

Samui looked doubtful. "What if he doesn't want to come back?"

"Then I'll just have to break his arms and his legs, and drag him back all the way."

Samui's eyes rose. "You're quite the determined guy, aren't you?"

"Of course. Never give up. That's my shinobi way." Naruto gave her a thumbs up and a foxy smirk.

"Never give up huh? That's quite the way of the shinobi."

"It's the most awesome there is."

Meanwhile, they were being spied upon by two inquisitive Kumo shinobi at tables opposite to them.

"I still really don't feel comfortable doing this." Omoi said for the umpteenth time that outing.

"Shut up," Karui hushed "just think about how much we get to rub this in her face when it's over."

"But what she finds out that we've been spying on her date?"

"She won't." Karui responded in an aggravated tone.

"If they hit it off, they could get more serious, then want to get married. But since we're from different nations, Kumo won't let it happen, and the Samui would kill herself out of grief." Omoi said, ramping up the absurdity of the situation with every passing word out of his mouth.

Karui looked at Omoi incredulously. "Are you mentally impaired? There's already a political marriage with us, Yugito got married for fucks sake. Of course they would allow one with Naruto and Samui." It dawned on her that she had rode along with Omoi's train of thought. "And that's never going to happen dumbass."

"You say that now…" Omoi said in an ominous tone.

Karui was getting sick of his logic. "Stop overthinking everything, you sad sack of shit."

The table that they were supposed to be spying on suddenly burst into a quiet laughter. Apparently Naruto made a joke that he found extremely funny, and Samui as well, considering how she was covering her mouth with her hand, and shaking in amusement.

"God, I've never seen her like this." Karui commented.

"You think she's okay?" Omoi asked

"Of course she is. She's just really into him, I guess."

Both of their tables got their food simultaneously. The food on both ends, while tasting good, took up only about a sixteenth of the entirety of the plate. It was ridiculous.

"I'm never eating here again." Omoi said, silently crying while looking into his wallet. "We're going splitting the check." He said resolutely

"What? You're the guy. You have to pay for the lady."

A sweat drop rolled down Omoi's head. "First of all, I don't have enough money for both of us. Second of all, there is a list of requirements that you have to fulfill before you could be considered a lady, and you don't fill any of them."

A tic mark appeared on Karui's head. "Is that so? Shithead?"

The sweat drop enlarged.

Luckily for them, before they made the scene that they were about to make, Naruto and Samui both exited the restaurant, saving them from Samui's silent, and cold wrath. With Naruto paying for the both of them of course. He had way too much money to even think about letting her pay as well.

Just as they left, the restaurant turned into a battleground of Karui trying to violently castrate Omoi, and him trying desperately to fend her off.

The walk back to Naruto's place was surprisingly uneventful, and despite some of the heavier conversation material, they both had a lot of fun on their date.

Samui walked Naruto up to his door. "I had a really good time." she said.

"Yeah, so did I." Naruto said with a grin.

"We should do this again some time." Samui stated confidently.

"Oh… well I have to leave tomorrow…" Naruto trailed off.

"But you'll be coming back?"

"Yup, I'll always come back here to train." Naruto closed his eyes, and smiled.

While his eyes were closed, Samui decided to take her chance, and closed the distance between them to place a chaste kiss on his smiling lips.

With the most perfect timing in the world, Yugito opened the door to her apartment, just to see Samui kiss Naruto. Samui backed away from him in surprise. And Naruto was shocked into momentary paralysis.

"Samui?/Yugito?" they both asked each other at the same time.

"What are you doing at Naruto's apartment?" Samui asked accusingly.

"His apartment? This is _my_ apartment. And why were you two kissing on my front door step?"

Naruto broke out of his reverie. "S-Samui. Why did you do that?" he asked.

"Well… that's what you do after you go on a date." She responded plainly.

"So this was a date?"

"Of course it was. What did you think it was?"

"A friendly get-together between new found comrades?"

Both Samui and Yugito looked at him as if he was, in actuality, mentally handicapped.

"A-Anyways. We can't date."

"Why not?" Samui asked exasperatedly.

"Because I'm married."

A few things clicked in Samui's mind. Namely, the scene that Yugito made with Naruto on his first day training with them, along with the fact that he seems to be sharing a living area with him.

Samui blushed in extreme embarrassment. "Oh… I see. I'm sorry to have troubled both of you. Goodnight." And with that, she turned around and walked off quickly.

"Samui." Naruto called out, and made to go after her, but was held in place by Yugito.

Looking up to her for an explanation, he received her saying "Let her go, she needs some time to think."

Naruto watched her stalk off in the direction of, he presumed, her house in complete and utter silence.

"Hey Yugito?"

"Yeah?"

"What's an emissary?"

"A person sent from one nation to hold diplomatic relations to another."

"So, not a person who was forced into a political marriage?"

Yugito looked at him strangely. "Nope."

He was silent for a few moments.

"Hey Yugito?"

"Yeah?"

"When did you get back here?"

"About thirty minutes ago."

Naruto was silent for a few more moments.

"Hey Yugito?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I fucked up."

They were both silent for an amount of time.

She pulled him inside. "It's cold out, you'll get a fever." Naruto didn't make any sign of resistance against her. After he was in the living room, she went into her room to get ready for bed.

He looked at the clock. 9:00. Walking took a lot longer than he thought it would.

Had he really spent 3 hours on his date with her? It was kind of late.

He looked at the table in the kitchen. On it was her equipment that she had taken with her on her reconnaissance mission. What really attracted his attention however, was the adolescent-sized hugging pillow in the center of the equipment that had Naruto's orange jacket zipped up on it in the middle, and a crude drawing of his face on the top of it.

Yugito walked back out of her room, seeing Naruto stare at her Naruto-esque hugging pillow, the only explanation that she had to offer was "I wouldn't have been able to sleep otherwise."

Naruto nodded numbly. He didn't really care at this point. He just really wanted to go to sleep, and forget that the day had never happened.

So after climbing into bed with Yugito, that's exactly what he did.


	17. the anger

Chapter 17

The next morning.

Atsui knew that something was wrong with his sister. She was acting cold towards him. Well, that's not new information, but she was acting cold in a different way.

Usually her demeanor would be a mixture of cold and confidence, perfectly willing and capable of dishing out large helpings of kick-ass, all without breaking expression. Now, however, she was reclusively cold, seemingly lethargic, and not wanting to do her normal morning routine.

Atsui had never been really capable of cracking through his sister's icy personality, but when he saw her sitting at their table, slowly eating cereal with a beat-down expression on her face, he had to comment on it.

"So how was your date last night?" he said with great exuberance. Atsui was met with a death glare.

She glared at him often, mostly due to his hot-shot antics, but this glare spoke of physical injury should he continue talking.

He winced. "Not go well?"

She stopped glaring at him, and continued slowly eating her cereal. After a few bites, she said "It went great for me. But he apparently didn't know that it was a date, and wouldn't have agreed if he did."

Atsui winced once more. "Friend-zoned? I've never heard that happen to a chick before."

"More like 'comrade'-zoned" she continued to eat her cereal. "But it doesn't matter anyway."

"Why not? He have a girlfriend?"

"More like a wife."

Atsui's expression instantly morphed into one of surprise. "Married? I thought he was as old as you."

"He is my age" Samui continued giving clipped answers

"13? Was it an arranged marriage or something?" arranged marriages between different ninja villages were unheard of before the treaty, however arranged marriage was sometimes the only thing that held particular clans together in times of strife. If Naruto was part of a very influential clan, it would make sense to marry him off to another member, if only to ensure a progeny.

"Yes, it was an arranged marriage." Samui said with a defeated tone.

Atsui paused in order to think about what he was going to say next. "Well… that's a not so hot situation." He finally said. It was a lame condolence, and he knew that.

She gave out a light, humorless laugh. "And that's not the worst part. You know Yugito?" she asked rhetorically.

He nodded.

"He's the one who's married to her."

This shocked Atsui greatly. "You mean that he was the one who was used to unite all the villages?" Truthfully, while all of team Bee and he were listening to Ai's speech about the unity of the nations, they didn't listen too closely to the announcement because of the humorous dialogue that Omoi and Karui had been having at the time. "How did that not come up in conversation?"

Samui shook her head in confusion. "I don't know. I guess that he just didn't want to talk about it."  
>She returned to her cereal eating.<p>

Atsui was silent for a few more seconds. "Well… it _is_ an arranged marriage. Can't you see him as a 'mistress'?" he used finger quotes for the word 'mistress'.

She sighed. "Somehow I don't think that the marriage that's supposed to unite all the elemental nations would benefit much from one of the members seeking out another relationship."

Atsui didn't seem so sure. "You _are_ a member of the extremely influential Team Bee, and you graduated at the top of your class. Why don't you just ask to be married to him too?"

Samui turned her death glare back on. "I was interested in him, but I don't think that one good date would give me enough incentive to marry him."

"You know what I mean. Arranged marriage almost never starts out with both the parties involved feeling hot towards each other, and I doubt that having 4 other marriage partners would make it easier to feel hotter towards them. Why don't you just use the marriage as a vehicle for a relationship?" the reason that Atsui felt the need to argue for her continued relationship with him stemmed from the fact that Naruto was the first guy who seemed to crack through her cold personality, or at least put a dent in it. Truthfully, he felt worried that she would grow up socially stunted because of her demeanor, but when she came home after training with Naruto and told Atsui about him, she seemed slightly warm for once. So yeah, he was going to try and argue for his sister's continued happiness.

Samui sighed once again. "But what if it turns out that I don't like him? Or at least not enough to spend the rest of my life with him?"

Samui finished her cereal, and made to the door.

"Where are you going?" he asked out of concern.

"Team training." She said plainly.

"You forgot your tanto." She realized her error, and made to go and retrieve it from her room. After she got the short sword, she once again made for the door.

"You didn't put away your bowl." Samui sighed in frustration, and went to clear out her bowl. She was sure that she hadn't forgotten anything, and walked to the direction of the door again.

"You're in your pajamas." Samui looked down. She was in fact in sleepwear.

It was going to be a long day for Samui.

00000000

That afternoon

"Fuuu!"

"Fuuuu!"

"FU! Where the fuck are youuuuu?"

Naruto was wandering about the forestry that was just outside of Taki. When he was warped to Taki to spend time with Fu, Shibuki didn't know where she was. Apparently she got fed up with living inside the safety of the waterfall village a while ago, and moved to the surrounding forestry. Whenever she was needed for a mission, they just sent out a bird that she had trained to know her location, but other than that, she kept to herself, and they kept to themselves. Just how they liked it.

Although that had worked for them so far, the situation made it rather difficult for her loving husband to find her.

"I SWEAR TO FUCK FU! IF YOU DON'T COME OUT SOOOON, I'M GOING TO MURDER YOOOOU!" Naruto yelled out. He had been aimlessly wandering the forest for about 3 hours at that point, and was getting extremely impatient.

A brown, green, and red blur slammed Naruto into the nearest tree. It surprised him greatly, and knocked his breath out of his chest.

The blur turned out to be an ecstatic Fu, who was using Chomei's chakra cloak to enhance her glomping abilities.

She was nuzzling into his chest when Naruto remembered how to breathe properly. He grabbed her shoulders and pushed her off him to arm length.

He took in great gulps of oxygen and collected himself. "Hey Fu."

She beamed up at him. "Hey Naruto, I didn't know when you'd be coming to waterfall. But I'm so excited that you finally came!" she began to wiggle around in joy.

Naruto didn't really know what to make of the situation, Fu had always seemed slightly happy-go-lucky, but never to this point. "Hey, are you okay?" he said gently.

She began to smile at him again. "Yup, I'm better than okay, because I get to spend a week with my best friend!"

Being alone wasn't a concept that was new to her, but knowing that she had a friend out there that was coming to visit her at an unknown time had amped her personality up tenfold in waiting for said friend to arrive.

She grabbed his arm and dragged him up with her. "Come on, I've got to show you my little slice of paradise." She began to walk in the direction of her paradise, still cloaked in Chomei's chakra.

Naruto looked at the cloak with wary eyes. "What were you doing before you found me?" he asked.

Fu seemed to realize that she was still using Chomei's chakra, and quickly dispelled it. "Sorry" she said sheepishly. "I was practicing using her chakra when you showed up."

"Her?"

"Yeah, she's a girl you know."

This threw Naruto for a loop. "But I thought that all the bijuu didn't have any reproductive organs, so they identified with genderless beings."

This surprised Fu, and she looked off into space for a moment, still walking towards her living area.

Just as Naruto was about to comment, she looked back at him and said "Nope. She's a girl, she just told me."

Naruto was at a loss for words. "But the Kyuubi said…"

Fu continued "My seal is different than yours. It's called the 'glass jar' seal. It lets Chomei experience everything that I feel, so she eventually began to identify with being a female."

Made sense. "So is it just Chomei that identifies with being female?"

Fu shrugged. "I don't know. Sexual orientation is weird."

"I thought it was sexual affiliation."

"Maybe sexual identification."

This talk was all very confusing for his 13 year old mind. He sighed in defeat. "I don't think that I'll ever understand people, or how they think."

Fu frowned "But we all have to try. Or else we'll just miscommunicate, and misunderstand one another. Which could lead to conflict, and war. My sensei always said that."

That got really deep really fast. Naruto was silent, thinking about how miscommunication led to his and Samui's date, which turned into an utter fiasco.

"Yeah, I guess that we all just have to try and understand each oth-"

"We're here." Fu cut him off.

Naruto, although being annoyed at being cut off, still looked on at Fu's living set-up in slight wonder. There was a crystal clear pond in the middle of a copse of trees with sunlight peeking through the treetops, making the water's reflection glint in his eyes. Other than that, there was a fire pit that was surrounded by food stuffs, mostly gotten from the forest, but some others from the village. Along with a few bookshelves. Yes, bookshelves in the middle of a forest, which were overflowing with books.

"Welcome to my home."

It truly was a welcoming home. "Wow. You live here, all by yourself? With no help from the village?"

Fu was smiling in appreciation of his compliments. "Well, I have to get some stuff from the village about once a month, but other than that, I don't really go there anymore."

"Don't you get lonely?"

Fu's expression turned dismal. "Kind of, but I have my books. Whenever I read my books, it's just me, and I don't need anyone else."

That probably wasn't the right sort of thing to ask her, he realized. "Hey, at least you have me now." Naruto said, trying to cheer her up.

She looked back up and beamed at him once again. "That's right, and we're going to have lots of fun."

"Fun doing what?"

Fu's eyes became influenced by an evil looking glint. "Why training, of course, we have to get stronger. To protect each other. Remember?"

Naruto began to feel true fear at the look of evil in her eye,

00000000

Two hours later.

Naruto didn't like the training.

This 'training' mostly consisted of Naruto trying to go through the several notions of surviving in the forest by himself. Light his own fires, catch his own food, lay his own traps, etc.

Although it was complicated by the fact that whenever he made even the slightest error in setting up a trap, or not making his fire pit deep enough, Fu would fly down from the canopy to engage him in hand to hand combat.

Naruto, still not knowing the finer points in taijutsu, was merely only able to spam huge amounts of clones at her, and try to run away. In her Chomei induced state, the clones were trivial matters, and Naruto never got away from her.

Who knew that behind the smiling, multi-colored face of Fu, there lived a sadist? A sadist that Naruto feared greatly. A sadist that Naruto was married to

Chomei might have increased her speed and strength with her chakra, but Fu's real strong point was the fact that she knew how to counteract his strategies. Namely, she didn't let him make any. She had learned her lesson with a destabilized rasengan to the torso; that Naruto was an extremely effective on-the-spot thinker. But he could only think when there was a spot to think on.

At the present, a badly bruised up Naruto was out hunting rabbits. He had to be _very_ quiet, because rabbits are extremely sneaky.

He heard rustling in a bush to his right. Calculating where the rabbit was based on the position of the sound that it made, Naruto let a kunai fly in its direction. The first few kunai missed, but he was finally able to lodge a kunai deep in its chest, immediately killing it. Grabbing it by its ears, he prepared to make his way back to his camp.

Fu descended from the trees like a fallen angel, and proceeded to try and beat the tar out of Naruto. Her movements were easy to track, but he was never quite able to react in time. Throughout the two hours that Naruto had been going through the 'training', she had always engaged him in the same way, and always fought in the same way.

"What did I… do this time?" Naruto complained. He ducked under a jab for his face, and dodged a knee to his face, only to have to dodge the elbow to his face. He was starting to get pretty good at dodging things aimed at his face.

"You forgot to pick up the other kunai you threw. Enemy shinobi might have found those, and tracked you back to your campsite." She parried a blow to her chest, and kicked his legs out from under him. Then proceeded to stomp on his chest.

Call it tough love.

Her footing poofed out from under her as the Naruto she stomped on turned into smoke and disappeared. She looked around her for the real one, and averted her gaze upwards in time to find her vision blocked the foot connecting with her head. Backing up, and covering her face, she was repeatedly hit in the arms and torso while her vision was clouded. Fu wised up, flew up to the nearest tree, and stuck on.

"How did you make that shadow clone? I always had my eyes on you, and you never made a substitution." She said, clearing away the fog in her eyes.

"It was always my clone. Didn't you notice that he focused on parrying or dodging your blows and not getting dispelled?" Naruto called up to her.

She groaned. "Naruto, the meaning of this exercise is to make sure that you can survive out in the woods like a proper shinobi, without leaving any trace behind."

"Then why do you beat the shit out of me whenever I get it wrong?"

"Negative reinforcement. It'll get branded into your head faster this way." With that, she disappeared into the treetops once again.

Naruto groaned. He knew that she was doing this mostly for his own good, but he didn't think that she would be so ready and willing to put him through the amount of physical abuse that he was experiencing.

Naruto went out and picked up all the kunai that he threw. Even with all the major nations in a pact to no longer kill each other, there would always be outlaws and missing-nin. This exercise was valuable, even if he had to be put through the grinder.

After he picked up all the kunai, he made his way back to his camp, making sure to not leave any trace of him being there at all. With the rabbit securely in hand, he had all the vital things needed to survive for a day in the wilderness. So he resolved to wait out the rest of the day in silence. Even if waiting wasn't his strong suit.

Back at the campsite, he found a Fu without bijuu chakra sitting at his fire pit, looking deep into the smoldering embers.

Naruto took the development in stride. "Don't look into the fire for too long, you'll burn your eyes out." It was mostly a wives' tale, but it did have some merit to it.

She didn't comment on his statement. So he just sat beside her. It was starting to get dark.

After some more moments of silence, she finally said "You pass for now, let's get back to my campsite."

Was she acting weird? She seemed impersonal all throughout the exercise.

Naruto knew that he had to jump on this. He learned his lesson from the situation with Samui. Always question and obtain information that could be extrapolated incorrectly.

While they were walking back, he asked "Did I do anything wrong?"

She seemed confused by the question "Well you set up the traps incorrectly, didn't make the fire pit deep enough-"

"No, not that. Did I do anything… to offend you?" Naruto asked, searching for the right words.

She quickly put a smiling veneer, and said "No no, of course not. I just didn't really like hitting you. I thought that you might not like me as much…"

"That's crazy. I know that you're only doing this to train me. Don't worry, I'll always be your friend. Believe it." Naruto said, smiling at her. That smile made little butterflies fly around in her stomach. It made all the fears, and self-questioning disappear. It made all the-

"**Little larvae…"**

Damnit. 'Yes Chomei."

"**I felt what you felt. Don't take your anger of the world out on him."**

'I'm not, I'm just training him for his own good.'

"**Regardless. I'm restricting you of my chakra."**

'What? No. I need that chakra to train him better.'

"**You don't get my chakra until you can get a better control of your emotions than you have now."**

'But I don't get off on causing him pain.'

"**Him specifically?"**

Fu decided not to answer. 'He's my best friend. I only do what's good for him.'

"**Then do what's good for him."**

'I am. Training.'

"**Both you and I know that you're using this ****_training_**** as an excuse to let out some steam. It doesn't matter if it makes him a better shinobi or not, you're using this to inflict bodily harm against another human because you grew up angry and alone. I felt the strength that you used in that stomp, you would have broken his ribs if he wasn't a clone"**

The mention of her childhood made her immediately irritable 'Shut up. You don't know anything.'

"**I've been with you since you were born. I've felt everything you felt. If I don't know anything, then you're in the same boat."**

'Then you know that I wouldn't do anything to hurt him. Sans training'

"**Wrong, you wouldn't do anything that might hurt your relationship with him, and you take advantage of the fact that he's so forgiving to take out your frustration on him."**

Fu didn't say anything else. And spent the rest of the trip to her 'paradise' in silence.

Naruto knew that the blank look and automatous body movements signified her talking to Chomei, so he decided not to interrupt her while she was in that state.

00000000

Fu's 'paradise' several hours later.

Naruto was noticeably shivering. The night was cold, and he didn't pack a sleeping bag. At least most of his bruising had disappeared by then.

Fu decided to unravel her sleeping bag and get inside. She thought that Naruto would do the same, not knowing that he didn't have one.

"No way." Naruto did not believe what he was seeing.

The shape of her sleeping bag was that of a bug larvae, complete with dot patterns, and different segments puffing out at uniform places to mimic the segments of the infant bug.

"What?" Fu asked, sitting up. Her face was peeking out where the mouth would have gone.

"That is just… so cute." It really was, but more in like a puppy dog cute, or a small child cute.

"W-What?" Fu's blush didn't show up on one side of face very much, due to her dark skin. But the other side, which was paler due to it being synthesized skin, had turned crimson at the unexpected compliment.

"No, I mean that you just look… cute. Like a puppy or something." Naruto quickly reiterated sheepishly.

She turned her head to the side and muttered out "Thanks."

"Eh. Don't worry about it. Do you have any other sleeping bags?" Naruto asked.

She rose an eyebrow. "Why would I have more than one sleeping bag?"

"In case you were expecting company."

"Well what kind of company would I ever expect?"

"Oh… I don't know. Maybe your husband?" Naruto asked in a playfully sarcastic tone.

"Wha-? But didn't you bring one?"

"I wasn't expecting to be sleeping in the wilderness."

If he was going to sleep that night, he was going to need warmth. He couldn't sleep by the fire. It was dug into a hole, which directed all the light and heat upwards. Although it was good for heat when one wanted to sit by it, he would have to sleep unsafely close to the fire for any hope of warmth, and there was the risk of accidentally rolling inside when he was asleep.

Fu didn't know what to do at that point. She probably should have anticipated that he wouldn't have a sleeping bad, and would need some sort of warming apparatus. But it was too late to go into the village to buy another one, and if he was going to sleep, he would need a safe source of heat.

"Since you don't have another sleeping bag, can I sleep in yours?" Naruto asked.

Well this was unexpected. Fu had never thought that Naruto would be selfish enough to ask that he use her sleeping bag, and expect Fu to fend for herself. It probably would have more sense for her to give up the sleeping bag voluntarily, which would have been the right thing to do, because admittedly, she messed up by not anticipating that he wouldn't have a sleeping bag.

She began to dismally get out of her sleeping bag, she had had it for years, and she found it extremely comfortable. So she was reluctant to get out of for even the night.

"What are you doing?" Naruto asked.

"Giving you my sleeping bag." Fu said with a tone of acceptance.

"…Why?"

This question drew her ire. "Because you just asked to sleep in it!"

"What? Oh no… I meant that I'd sleep with, you know, you." Naruto said nervously. He had gotten used to sleeping with a partner from his time with Yugito, and had forgotten that others might not be as comfortable with the idea as him. Seeing Fu's reaction, he realized that she probably wasn't comfortable sharing a sleeping area, and quickly said "If you don't want to, I've got a few sets of spare clothes that I could probably get into…"

"No… no, it's fine. We can sleep together." Fu hadn't slept in the same bed as anyone before, but knew that if it was only sleeping, she could probably handle it.

She got back into her sleeping bag and unzipped it. Naruto got out of his track pants, leaving him only in his boxers and t-shirt. His jacket was still being used by Yugito as part of a hugging pillow, so he didn't have that with him.

She shuffled to the side of the sleeping bag, allowing him to lay down on the other side. After that, she zipped it up almost all the way, allowing some room so they could both breathe.

The sleeping bag was rather large on the inside, allowing them to both lay side by side in a uniform fashion. However, the human body was never meant to sleep in that position. Since Naruto didn't know if Fu would be comfortable with snuggling, he turned around and faced away from her, pressing his back into her side. She did the same, and it was still slightly uncomfortable for both of them, but neither wanted to bring up the prospect of snuggling.

After they were both painfully awake for about half an hour, Fu finally whispered "Hey Naruto…"

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Do you want to… snuggle." She barely breathed out the last word, but it was loud enough for Naruto to hear. She knew that they probably weren't going to get any shut-eye in the position that they were in, so she quickly surmised that snuggling would probably be the best thing to do in the situation.

"Errr. Yeah, sure. Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?" he asked. He was always the little spoon when he slept with Yugito, due to his smaller stature. But while he was shorter than Fu by a few inches, the difference in stature was not as great, and thus gave him more options.

She hadn't thought that far into the theoretical dialogue. "Uhhm. Little spoon, I guess." Little spoon seemed like the easiest to pull off.

Most of the times that he slept with Yugito, she completely encircled him, but she did once spoon him normally, with one arm draped over him, and her laying on her other arm.

So he rolled over, and draped his arm around her, allowing for more movement room in the sleeping bag due to the compressing of the items inside of it.

Fu's face felt steamy. Although the position was comfortable for her, she still felt a little embarrassed by being so close to Naruto. He didn't seem to mind though, so that reassured her of the fact that they were only snuggling for the benefit of sleep.

"Hey Naruto…"

"Mm." Naruto grunted. That made Fu extremely aware of how close he was to her.

"… I'm sorry." She whispered.

"For what?" he asked sleepily.

"When we were doing the survival exercise… I went overboard in trying to hurt you."

Naruto didn't miss a beat. "It's fine Fu. I heal fast."

Fu wasn't convinced. "No it's not. I wasn't trying to injure you, I was trying to hurt you."

This comment threw him for a loop. "So… you're like what, a sadist?" Naruto commented in a flat voice. Although he felt like the training was a bit harsh, he didn't think that she was doing it because she got amusement from it.

She buried her face in her hands. "No, it's just… I can't… I don't know why."

He nuzzled his face into her neck. Whenever he was stressed out, like with Samui-date incident, Yugito would do that to him in bed and he would feel slightly better. So he tried emulating that with Fu. "Fu… so long as you have me to call a friend. I'll always be here for you." He got the feeling that Fu was feeling self-conscious, and needed something calming to help her out.

She felt embarrassed by the neck-nuzzling, but didn't really mind it. Tears begin to sting her eyes. "Thanks."

He continued to nuzzle into her neck. "Fu. You're one my precious people, I will always fight to get stronger for you, because I treasure my precious people. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'll be there for you."

He had to get regular psyche checks when he was a kid. Naruto didn't know why he had to get so many at the time, but later likened it to the fact that he was a Jinchuuriki who might conceivably use power stronger than most living things. With all the psyche checks, he and the therapist didn't have much to talk about after a few appointments, so he told little Naruto the basics of psychology. Extreme basics, mind you, but enough so that Naruto knew what to say to someone who didn't have anyone in the entirety of her life. Well maybe her sensei, but he didn't know what their relationship was.

She snuggled into his embrace, and they stayed like that for the rest of the night and into late morning.

It was the best night's sleep that she had gotten in a while.

00000000

The next morning.

"Awaaaa." Fu yawned cutely.

She was still in Naruto's embrace, who was sleeping soundly next to her. She hadn't woken up feeling this complete in a very long time. She knew that there was someone in the world who liked her, and would do his best to make sure that they would always stay together. She had convicted herself to the cause of protecting and staying with him as well.

Fu noticed that there was something hard pressing against her lower back. 'Did he bring a kunai with him to the sleeping bag?'

After thinking about when he could have brought a kunai with him to bed, and or why he would do that, realization dawned upon her.

There was no kunai pressed against her back.

Quietly deciding not to freak out, she slowly unzipped the sleeping bag, making great efforts not to wake him up, or face the consequence of an extremely awkward morning dialogue. After she had the bag unzipped enough, she slowly unwrapped his arm from around her waist, and slowly got up.

Slowly.

She didn't know how heavy a sleeper he was, so she decided not to push her luck.

Fu stood up in the air, and stretched her tired limbs.

She couldn't look.

She was incapable of looking.

If she looked, she would be considered a pervert.

By who?

No one. Because there were only two people there, and one was asleep.

But it's gross.

How is it gross? It's a reproductive organ that's used to create life. It's not gross.

But it's violating his privacy.

What privacy? She's married to him, she was bound to find out what it looked like sooner or later.

She conceded to one of the voices of reason in her mind.

She looked.

Without her to cuddle on he had fallen on his back, exposing his front-facing body to all the world. What interested her eyes the most would be the penis that was hanging out of his boxer slot.

It was the first penis that she had ever seen, and it was semi-erect too. How it fell out of the slot was a mystery to her.

Back at the academy, the teachers had shown diagrams and medical pictures for sex education, but this was the first real penis that she had ever seen in her entire life.

She stared at it for a lot longer than she should have.

Wait. His penis was hanging out of his boxer slot, and he's spread eagle alone in the sleeping bag, which had been unzipped.

If he awoke at that point, he would have made assumptions. Assumptions that Fu would have no way of disproving.

Trepidatiously, she walked nearer to him, and closer to the offending appendage.

Just tuck it in. That's all she had to do. That's all she had to do to avoid the awkward situation between them if he woke up and his dick was hanging out of his underwear.

Mentally preparing herself, she reached over and pinched the top of his boxers, and lifted them up. After that, she brought her other hand, and pinched the head of his penis, intending to tuck it into the slot, and be done with the situation.

And she would have done just that, if he hadn't groaned half-way through. Well it wasn't a groan, more like a moan. This freaked Fu out to the point where she almost lost all motor control, which would have been very bad to his future of theoretically producing offspring. Luckily she caught herself before she could do that, and finished tucking in his member into his boxers.

She stood up, and walked over to the pond to wash her hands off.

Right before she could do that, a voice rang off inside her head. It was the voice of curiosity.

She brought the hand that had touched his penis up to her nose, and gave an experimental sniff.

It smelled musky, and made her head go light for a second. Fu immediately withdrew her hand from her nose, submerged it into the water, and scrubbed it furiously.

Pheromones. There had also been a day spent on different airborne toxins, and how to avoid them in combat. Pheromones had been just a sub-category, so she didn't know the exact science, but she knew that pheromones were either passed through physical contact, or airborne particles, and increased the attraction between two people.

What she didn't know was that the production and potency of pheromones were influenced by the amount of confidence and lack of fear that one felt. Which is why it is often said that women are attracted to men with confidence. Naruto had overconfidence in spades, and was practically fearless, not mentioning the supernatural.

Although she wasn't a slave to her body and hormones, and didn't feel attraction to him that way… she _had_ just taken in a lot of extremely potent pheromones directly from a male sex organ.

Naruto started to get up. Fu made a point of not looking at him. After she heard him stretch out a bit, she heard him scrambling to get his pants on, which he had tossed aside the night before, and left in the opposite direction of where she was. The sound of him urinating from afar hit her eardrums.

Once he was done, he made his way to Fu. "What's for breakfast?" he asked.

She didn't answer, and couldn't move her head to look at him in the eyes, which had a little to do with the major blush she was sporting. Naruto didn't take the silence as a good sign, and sat down beside her at the edge of the pond.

"Look, if you're still self-conscious about what happened yesterday, that's okay. I'll still be here by your side, no matter what you do to me."

Although he meant it as a comforting gesture to show how she was no longer alone in the world, perhaps he shouldn't have phrased it that way, because it caused Fu to reach maximum blush.

We all know what happens when someone reaches maximum blush.

Pulling a classic Hinata, she fainted. Into the pond

Naruto reacted quickly, and pulled her out of the body of water as fast as he could. The water was cold, and by the time he had her out of the water, she was wet and shivering.

Naruto groaned 'Does this happen with every chick in the world?' he meant females getting soaked in their clothing, and making him push down all his pervert senses to unclothe them without looking.

Deciding to use some of his t-shirts to dry her off, he looked away, and undressed her. She only had a clasp-on white top, and a zip-up skirt as major clothing, so getting her out of her wet clothes had been easy. But he also got some of his other cloth sets out, and redressed her in those, as he didn't know where any of her spare sets of clothes were, and he didn't want another Yugito situation.

Once she was dried off, and in some fresh clothes, he put her back into the sleeping bag for warmth.

Well. She was out like a light. There would be no training with her at that point.

Naruto walked well away from her sleeping body, and took out his sword to practice his kenjutsu katas. After about 5 minutes or so of kenjutsu exercise, he tentatively sent out a mental 'Hello?'

Ever since he saw Fu mentally speak to Chomei, he decided that he wanted to try that as well with the Kyuubi. But he didn't get any sort of a response.

'Hello?' he said a bit more assertively in his head.

Still not receiving a response, he mentally cried out 'HELLO?'

Naruto decided that hearing demonic grumbling from in his head a really weird feeling. **"What. The. Fuck. Do. You. Want?"** Kurama went through great lengths at signifying its displeasure at being mentally screamed at by punctuating each word individually.

'Why didn't you say that we can talk mentally?'

"**We always talk mentally."** Kurama grumbled, preluding to the fact that talking in the mindscape is considered mentally communicating.

'Okay… Why didn't you say that we can talk without me having to enter my mindscape?'

"**Why would I ever want to talk anyone on a regular basis?"**

'So you can socialize.' Naruto said cheekily.

Kurama grumbled out again. It was in a grumbling mood at that point. **"What do you want?"** it asked once again.

'Don't you want to hear about my escapades since I talked to you at the Valley of the End?'

"**Not particularly."**

And thus, he began regaling all the interactions and events that took place since his and Sasuke's fight. It might not have been the most wanted of things by Kurama. But Naruto was going to get the brute to open up damnit.

"**Chomei's a female now? How does that work? It shouldn't have any sexual organs."**

'_She_ doesn't have any sexual organs. Fu said that since she's in a 'glass jar' seal, Chomei can feel anything that Fu feels, so she just started to feel like a girl I guess.'

"**But still… ****_She's_**** been asexual in gender orientation since she was born. Hundreds of years ago. How does she up and suddenly decide that she's female now?" **the Kyuubi paused for a second. **"Whatever. I honestly couldn't give two shits."**

'So you _do_ at least give one shit.' Naruto thought out in an accusing tone.

Kurama made a noise that signified frustration. **"Congratulations fuckwit. You verbally outmaneuvered a being of chakra that hasn't talked to anyone extensively for hundreds of years. You want a pat on the back? A fucking cookie?"**

'Someone's in a bad mood.'

"**I am a being of malice. A being of pure hatred. I do not talk when I do not need to get a point across. I am not in a bad mood. I am a bad mood. I hate you. No. I loathe you. You say that you will get stronger for your 'precious people', but in the end, you'll always come crawling back to me for ****_my_**** power! Like that Sasuke kid that you always ramble on endlessly about. You think that you can protect anyone? Guess what kid? People fucking die. They die for other people. They die for stupid reasons. And they die for you. What are you going to do when one of your 'precious people' decide that their lives are worth less than yours?"**

Naruto was silent for a little bit. He laid down his katana, and squatted into the lotus position, preparing to enter the mindscape.

As he walked up to the cage the held the Kyuubi at bay, he noticed that the Kyuubi was sitting instead of squatting or laying down like it normally did.

"… Who died?" Naruto asked quietly.

"**What did you say?"** the voice of the Kyuubi boomed out far louder than it did while in his head

"Someone close to you died. Who was it?"

"**Who the fuck do you think? My dad. My ****_creator_****. The sage of the six paths." **The Kyuubi was paused to collect its thoughts, then continued. **"Want to know the thing that I hate most about you? It's not the fact that you walk around and smile like a dumbass, even though you feel such utter contempt to the people around you. It's not the fact your dad sealed me into you for reasons that I can't be held accountable for. It's not even the fact that you are the most annoying thing that has ever become known to me. No. It's your naivety. You think that you will rise above hatred, extinguish it, protect the people that you love, and uphold the bonds between other people. But you can't. No one can. Eventually someone is going to do something that you will hate them for doing, and you'll come to me for power to destroy them. Eventually the people that you love are going to die. Eventually you are going to make bonds with other people that they will only wish to cut. But you continue to believe that you're better than that. Well guess what? I've talked to your hatred. Your true self. He tells me what you really think, and I like him so much more than you, because he knows that you'll fail to reach the conclusion that you hope for. Deep down, you know that you're naïve, but you don't do anything to try to change that."**

Naruto stood in silence, with his head lowered to the ground. Then he rose his head up high, and stared at the face of hatred with the utmost conviction present in his eyes.

"You know what Mr. Being of Pure Hatred? Someday, I'm going to get rid of all that nasty hate bottled up all inside you. And I know that what will stand in your place, will be something more beautiful than anything that has existed in the world."

Saying what he direly needed to say to Kurama, he quickly exited the mindscape, allowing for the Kyuubi to sink back down into a sleeping position. **'Stupid brat.'**

When he blearily opened his eyes up, Fu was already conscious and doing stretches. "You woke up quick." Naruto said, interrupting her movements.

She looked back with a sheepish expression on her face. "Err yeah, I guess. Did you… undress me?" Fu asked rhetorically. Knowing that she fainted while in her clothes, and woke up while in his. It didn't take much sleuthing skills to figure that one out.

Naruto blushed slightly and threw up his hands. "Yes. But don't worry, I didn't look. I'm not a pervert. I swear."

Fu had seen him lie before, he definitely didn't act like that when he lied. Knowing that when she was naked that Naruto refused to look at her nude form made her feel bad for looking at him while he was indecent.

'I knew that I shouldn't have looked… but if I didn't look, Naruto would have woken up with his penis hanging out of his boxers, and he might have made conclusions… or he might not have. He could have just assumed that it slipped out like it really did.' With the information that Naruto wouldn't do anything even remotely perverted to her, even when she was knocked out and naked, made her feel simultaneously good and bad. Good that she didn't have to keep her guard up at all times. Bad that she took advantage of him while _he_ was knocked out and indecent.

"Do you have any other sets of clothes? I couldn't find any." Naruto asked.

She snapped out of her reverie. "Err. No. bath day and laundry day are the same day."

This shocked Naruto. "But what if they get ruined?"

"They're really durable. They survived an explosion even when my skin got blasted off." She said this with a confident smile, which really freaked Naruto out, mostly since she mentioned how she practically got flayed, and didn't even bat an eye. She began to walk over to her clothes, to hang them up to dry on a tree.

"So what's for breakfast?" Naruto asked his original question.

"Wanna cook up some rabbits for us?" She said distractedly.

Naruto knew how to follow simple instructions on a book to cook a chicken, or boil some noodles. But he didn't know how to cook meat without a stove or instructions. Whenever he was on an away mission, he mostly ate prepackaged rations and let his team cook the meat whenever the rations ran out.

Well, Fu seemed to have a lot of food that was preserved. If he failed, then he could just try again.

The fire was little more than smoldering embers, so he put some wood on it and waited for the flames to fan. After that, he skewered some rabbits and set them just touching the flames. Having seen what his teammates do, he tried to emulate that.

By the time that Fu was finally done with her morning routine, which consisted of doing he stretches, brushing her teeth, and vocal exercises, Naruto had managed to burn several rabbits, and was slow cooking two of the latest ones at the same time. Noticing her walking up to him and the pile of burnt rabbits, before she could say anything, he said "I know it looks bad. But I have a good feeling about these."

She giggled and sat down. "You can't just instantly make cooked rabbits, you have to be patient with them."

He gestured to the pile of burnt rabbits by his side, "I've got that figured out." He said humorously.

She raised her arms up. "Just making sure."

They sat that way for a few minutes, watching the meat cook. Fu occasionally remarked on when to move or flip the rabbits. "So what's happening today?" Naruto asked.

Fu sat in thought for a while. "Well I thought that we could do some more survival training." Naruto blanched. "But now that I know that you're practicing swordsmanship, I know that we absolutely have to spar with those. We should also head into the village for another sleeping bag for you at some point. After that… maybe some more taijutsu."

Naruto picked up the rabbits that were cooked to perfection. "Sounds perfect." He handed one to Fu, and took a bite out the other that he was holding.

Fu was good with swords. This wasn't a swordsmanship that was borne out of rigorous practicing of different kata's, this was swordsmanship borne from experience. Or at least sparring with a man who learned from experience, her sensei.

There was also the fact that she was using a water sword. Usually the water sword was only used to catch the enemy off guard, extend the length of a kunai's effectiveness, or to allow one to always hold onto a sword without actually having a sword. It wasn't as sharp, but it still was extremely lethal, and if the user was skilled enough, it could be extended slightly, mid-use.

Naruto's education with kenjutsu so far stemmed from drilling with the sword's different slashes, blocks, and parries for about a week. He also sparred with Omoi, Karui, and Samui at regular intervals, and was getting good at using the kata movements in actual combat.

Wisdom before knowledge was being demonstrated in the sparring session that they were having. Although Naruto sometimes was able to see an opening in her guard, and went to attack, he more often than not received a small cut somewhere on his body for his troubles. Other than that, he spent the rest of the spar parrying and blocking her strikes. Also, because she learned how to attack mostly from experience, she wasn't very predictable in her movements.

The spar ended with a cut up Naruto, and a heavily breathing Fu. His cuts were already healing due to Kyuubi's chakra. The reason for his strong healing rate happened because Minato used a seal that would continually leak minute amounts of the Kyuubi's own chakra into his chakra system, giving a significant boost in healing. Unlike Fu, or Yugito, which was why they still were still visibly scarred. Whereas the stamina came from him being an Uzumaki, who were said to have such an unbalanced chakra system in that they had a huge amount of physical chakra, that they lived significantly longer than most, and were given energy in spades.

"For only a week of training, you're really good." Fu complimented, still breathing hard.

"Thanks Fu." Naruto said distractedly, still holding onto a largish cut on his arm, which was in the process of being closed.

After he was sure that all the cuts were sufficiently done bleeding, he went over to the pond, stripped to his underwear and jumped in to clean the remnants of his blood off his body.

Deciding that he had the right idea, Fu stripped off the clothes that Naruto gave her, and jumped in with him, wearing only her mesh top and bottom. Her splash got him in the face and mouth, temporarily blinding him.

After spluttering all the water from his mouth, and wiping his eyes, he looked at Fu, and promptly looked away again. "Fu. Why did you jump in here too? I barely touched you."

"Well I got really sweaty, and the water looked really refreshing. So I jumped in too." She said simply.

"Okay… but…" the mesh top and bottom were woven closely enough that there were no important bits showing through, but it did hug her body in a way that attracted Naruto's gaze downwards.

Noticing his gaze, she covered her already covered chest with her arms, and huffed. "I thought that you weren't a perv." She accused, and turned to the side.

To Naruto's credit, there's a big difference between consciously preparing beforehand and choosing not to look, and being caught off guard and looking subconsciously. He immediately looked at her eyes, and started spluttering out apologies. After she decided that she was amused enough, she said "It's fine, let's just get cleaned up, and head to Taki for a sleeping bag."

Naruto just nodded and turned around to rub himself down of blood. Fu did the same, but only with sweat.

After she felt like she was clean enough, she lazily floated up on the surface of the water and closed her eyes in relaxation. Once Naruto did the same with his own body cleanliness, he emulated Fu's movements, and floated on the surface as well.

After a moment of silence, he announced "I like this."

Fu didn't open her eyes, but still responded. "What do you like?"

"I… I just like… this. I guess. I mean this situation."

"Being married against your will to people that you don't know?" she responded playfully.

"Well there's that. But still, if we weren't married, we wouldn't have met. I wouldn't be able to train around the continents with some of the best teachers there are. I wouldn't have nearly as many precious people as I do now."

She floated around in silence for a bit. "Hmm. I like this too." She gave out a singular huff of laughter. "I actually like this a lot."

She raised herself from her float session, and Naruto followed suit. She looked to the side and blushed slightly. "Look… I don't know if you were told… but when we get older, we might have to… you know… have kids."

Naruto blushed as well. "Err. Yeah. I guess."

"Well… I know that things change all the time, and people have to cope with changes, but I always want to be friends with you. No matter what happens between us." She said in a shaky voice. Shibuki had told her about the possibilities of the production of a child happening in the future, and while she didn't have a good grasp on friendship actually happening to her, she had read enough books to know that when major things happen between friends, they often times go their separate ways, or at least stop liking each other.

Despite how friendly, happy, or collected she appeared at times on the outside, she was actually really a scared, nervous wreck on the inside. She was a person who was constantly doubting herself and was always seeking self-validation due to her insecurities. Fu was subject to many insecurities.

Taking pleasure in causing others pain confused and frustrated her to no end.

She didn't know what the future held for her, and that was terrifying to her.

Fu was scared that she wasn't worth much a shinobi when compared to others like Yugito.

And to top it all off, she recently went through an extremely visible physical deformity.

Naruto was able to sense all the insecurity that emanated from her sentence. He swam up to her, and placed a hand on her shoulder. She still looked away from him. So he put a hand on her chin, and forced her head to his direction. "I don't really know about any of that stuff. But I know that I always want to be friends with you."

At least she was able to place one thing on her anti-insecurity list, or just security list.

Naruto.

She looked at him and smiled as wide as she could. Naruto blushed and swam to the edge of the pond to get ready for their traipse into Taki. "Come on. We should probably get going to get that sleeping bag."

Fu nodded and swam over as well.

00000000

In the village hidden in the waterfalls.

The sound of vigorous slurping was being heard from a ramen restaurant that was situated amongst the residential district. The cause of this was due to the two Jinchuuriki situated there, eating food as rapidly as they could.

"I love… ramen… so much." Naruto said, in between slurps.

"I know… right?" Fu said in between her own slurps.

They had been on the way to a store that sold survival and camping gear when Naruto had been distracted by a large neon sign that bespoke of wondrous ramen within its walls.

They had been there for little over 15 minutes, constantly in a state of eating the heavenly noodles that was situated inside. The chef that had served them could almost never meet their gaze, and whenever he did, there was a look of… not confusion, more like indecision, or confliction within his eyes.

Fu wasn't used to being looked at like that, but she didn't mind so long as she was actually served. It appeared that being subjugated to a marriage that promised no more war for the village for as long the treaty lasted, at the very least got her the privileges to eat some good restaurant food.

Kumo didn't have any ramen stands that were any good, so Naruto went without for his entire stay at Kumo. This was his first ramen oriented outing for several weeks, and he was enjoying it. There was already a growing stack of ramen bowls in between the two, as they furiously consumed bowl after bowl of the food.

There were few words traded between them as they ate, and were completely out of it. So they didn't hear when the door rung out, signifying new customers. "Fu? Is that you Fu?"

Fu swung her head to meet the voice as quickly as she could. There were still noodles hanging out of her mouth, so she splattered the ground with the fine broth. She was looking at a non-descript, average looking, brown haired teenage girl; and a nondescript teenage boy wearing glasses. They both looked around the same age as Fu.

As soon as she laid eyes on the two, her orange eyes dulled in enthusiasm, and she adopted a sullen looking expression. They ran up to her and sat down beside them at the booth, so Naruto was hanging out at the end, with both of them focused on Fu.

Both of the two average looking teenagers seemed ecstatic at the prospect of talking to Fu. "We haven't seen you in ages!" the girl said with exuberance "Where have you been all this time?"

"The woods." Fu said in a clipped response.

"What've you been up to?" the boy asked.

"Training."

"Well… have you been doing anything interesting lately?" Both of them were acting like they were lifelong childhood friends of hers, but her demeanor around them spoke otherwise.

"Got married."

"Congratulations!" The boy said in joviality. The two unknowns started laughing good-naturedly at his joke.

Naruto decided to join in the conversation. "Hello?" he said tentatively.

Both of their eyes lit up in recognition. "You must be the guy!" the male said.

"You're Naruto Uzumaki, right? You saved Taki from those jonin! Thank you so much by the way." The girl said with a grand smile on her face.

Naruto smiled back, and scratched the back of his head. "Don't worry about it. I do stuff like that all the time." he boasted.

All four of them sat in awkward silence until Fu sighed and decided to introduce them to each other. "Naruto, this is Takkana." she gestured to the girl "and Fujitsu." She gestured to the boy.

They both greeted him amiably. Naruto, Takkana, and Fujitsu talked together about various things for a while, with Fu sitting awkwardly in the middle. Naruto tried to bring Fu into the conversation, but she didn't seem to try, which made it really difficult for him. From the discussion, he was able to get that Takkana, Fu, and Fujitsu all were in the academy together and that they were about to be teammates together until their parents had them forcefully removed from the team, leaving Fu by herself with her sensei.

After it looked like she had enough of the conversation, she abruptly sat up from her chair, and walked straight out of the restaurant. Not expecting this to happen, he quickly fished his wallet out of his pocket, and paid for both of their meals with the leftover Kumo Kash. After apologizing to both of them, he ran after her, just in time to see her disappear into a pool of water that led to the cave that the waterfall was behind.

Quickly dashing to it, he dived in after her. The currents were strong, and Naruto didn't have to do much in terms of actually swimming, but from the blur of red chakra that was just out of his blurred vision, he could tell the catching up to her would be an ordeal.

Once he was safely out of the water tunnel, he ran after her out of the waterfall, and into the forest. Naruto lost sight of her the moment she hit the tree line, and would have gotten hopelessly lost looking for their campsite if not for the trail of broken branches that spoke of a very irritated Fu flying away on branch level

After some more running, he finally met the end of the broken branches, and walked trepidatiously further, only to be temporarily blinded by something that was out of his vision, and deafened by a resounding explosion that was produced by the thing that blinded him.

There was a terrible wailing that resounded throughout the clearing. It wasn't a sad wail, it was a mad wail. A scream of pain and agony and anguish and unspeakable hatred. Fu breathed out some more light reflecting dust, and ignited it, destroying a defenseless tree to kindling. She screamed out again.

Naruto took in the clearing that she was destroying. It held scars as signs that the destruction that it was suffering had happened more than once before. But what scared Naruto the most was Fu herself, or what little of herself that was left.

She was embraced by a viscous scarlet shroud that hugged her body tightly. There were four wings sprouting from her distended back along with a thin tail that hung off from her tailbone. Fu didn't have any facial features other than her whited out eyes and mouth.

"FU!" Naruto screamed out in concern. The being stopped suddenly, and slowly turned its gaze towards him instead of the trees that were being destroyed.

He didn't feel like he was looking at Fu anymore. So he slowly unsheathed his sword in preparation for the fight that he felt was about to take place.

When she attacked, he didn't even have time to react. Using her wings as powerful engines that were capable of achieving huge velocities at the drop of a dime, she slammed into Naruto before he could ever raise his sword to block her.

He was rammed into a tree, which splintered on impact. She squeezed painfully onto his body, and he could see stars begin to swim in his eyes from the whiplash and lack of oxygen reaching his brain.

Gasping for air, he began to furiously struggle against her, but to no avail. Her hatred was far stronger than his fear. Not letting go for even a second, he was pinned to the tree with limited oxygen. Naruto's chest didn't feel healthy in the slightest, there was a pain in his torso that could only mean a broken bone, or several broken bones. He was delirious, and frankly, at that point quite surprised that he was still not dead.

He looked down on her shrouded form. She was still hugging him painfully to the tree, but other than that, she hadn't moved in the slightest. "Fu…" he whispered out, before his conscious left him.

He woke up with a de-powered Fu screaming over his broken body. The sound resonated painfully in his eardrums, and reverberated throughout the entire forest.

"WHYYYY?! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PUT UP FAKE FUCKING S-hu-S-hu-SMILES?!" she sometimes lost her ability to speak as her body unconsciously froze her philippic to intake minimal amounts of air. She was screaming in anger as well as sadness. It was like she was screaming as loudly as she could while still somehow crying at the same time.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU FUCKS!" Naruto was still out of it. He didn't know what was going on, or why Fu was screaming and crying. And he most certainly didn't know how or why Fu went beast-mode on him.

He tried to raise a hand out to her, but the pain was too much, and he failed midway through. This at least was capable of gaining Fu's attention again, before he succumbed to unconsciousness once more.

This time when he woke up, they were both at the main campsite, with Fu quietly poking at the fire and him resting in the sleeping bag. He tried to talk, but found his throat too dry to continue. The croaking that he did make allowed for Fu to notice his consciousness, and she hastily got some drinkable water. Once she came back and hand-fed Naruto water, he finally sat up while in extreme amounts of pain. Letting him raise himself, she backed off and allowed for him to prop himself into sitting position. The fire was the only source of light in the clearing, as it was evening at that point.

"What was that about?" he asked with severity. She flinched at his tone, and looked away. From the firelight, he was able to make out the faint outlines of tear trails on her face.

"I… I… I went to blow off some steam… but then you followed me. And I couldn't control it like I could the other times, and I blacked out. When I came to, I was holding you to a tree… You had a few broken ribs, and your pulse was weak. I was just… I was just so angry. I _am_ so angry. I'm always so angry." She was on the verge of tears again. "After that, I carried you back here so you could get better. It looks like the Kyuubi's chakra set your ribs, but you still – you still shouldn't move around so much."

Tears began to stream out of her eyes like miniature waterfalls. It truly astonished him how much water her big orange eyes could hold. Naruto leaned forward, even though it pained him a lot to do so, and put his hand on her knee for support. She looked down at him, expecting Naruto to look up at her with hate, or disgust, or fear, or contempt. But was met with his slightly pained eyes barely holding back tears of pain, while he smiled as hard as he could, even though it hurt him as he did it. "Don't worry Fu. It's okay. I'm not mad."

She looked down at him with the most astonished face that she could conjure up. She stayed that way until she smiled too, and started laughing and sobbing at the same time. Fu leaned forward onto him gently, and carefully placed her arms around his back. "Thanks. I'm… I'm so sorry… you wouldn't ever be able to comprehend how sorry I am." She whispered in his ear.

Naruto laid back down onto the soft sleeping bag, with Fu coming down with him as well. He laid down on her torso, and they both reclined against a log that the sleeping bag was near to.

After enjoying the moment of silence, he asked Fu "So you want to tell me what happened?" Naruto physically feel Fu's core muscles tighten out of nervousness.

He normally would have assured her that she didn't have to if she didn't want to, but he got the feeling that she needed to talk about this.

"Well… all throughout the academy days, and after that; they never really even acknowledged my existence. Nobody did. They were supposed to be my team members, and when it was called out in the academy, they groaned, and moaned, and said that they didn't want to be on the same team. So their parents got them out of my team, and I became a team of one." Fu paused for a while. "Then we got married, and now they suddenly think that we're best friends. I hate them so much for that. They don't even have the guts to hate me. As soon as I become useful to them and the village, they open their arms up as wide as they can. I hate that. They only like me now because of the treaty. I kind of lost it when they talked to us, went out into the forest, and… you know the rest."

Naruto was silent for a while. "Fu… why do you fight?" he asked suddenly.

"I fight for you, my best friend." She said without hesitation.

Naruto frowned. "But what if I die?" Naruto asked, remembering his conversation with the Kyuubi.

"I won't let you die." She said with the utmost conviction.

"But what if I do? Fu, I might die sometime, and you'll be all alone again." Fu didn't speak up. "You need more people to protect that just me. I know that it's painful trying to forgive people that have hurt you before, trust me I do. But sometimes when they try to act nice again, even if it's just to get close to you, you have to try to be nice to them. I know for a fact that anyone who meets you would be glad to have you as their friend, no matter their original intentions."

"But what if they hurt me again?" she said quietly.

"If I was afraid of never being hurt, I wouldn't go outside. Just like they are finally giving you a chance, you have to give them a chance too, or you'll never not be alone."

She was silent for a bit more before responding. "I'll – I'll try."

Naruto smiled and dreamily said "All you can do is try. But I know you'll be successful." After saying that, he closed his eyes and fell asleep while laying on Fu's body.

She smiled contently and moved them both into a position more considerate of Naruto's pained body.

With her being the big spoon of course.

**AN/ yo. It's gentleman here. Sorry for the wait, but I made the chapter extra long this time to make up for it.**

**I'm going to be running some clean-up on my earlier chapters, so don't expect an update until after that.**

**Other than that, tell me what you think. R and R.**

**If you hadn't extrapolated yet, I plan on having Naruto play out a different relationship with all five of his wives, instead of playing out the harem trope of them all being madly romantically in love with him right from the get go, the character and relationship building will happen differently and slightly slower than normal here.**

**Yugito = older sister type**

**Fu = slightly unhinged (but still nice) friend**

**Etc. **


	18. the pranks

Chapter 18

**AN/ the beginning chapters are updated. To give you incentive, I've created a few omake's for your reading pleasure**

Naruto was not having a very fun first day in iwa. Because in the first 5 minutes that he arrived there, he had been pushed into a waterslide full of oil and grease, stuck into quick drying cement, and covered in feathers. All orchestrated by Kurotsuchi of course.

Every man, woman, and child who was in the general vicinity of the kage administration, where it took place, laughed at the sight of a stuck, oiled, and feathered Naruto who was desperately trying not to vomit.

His teleport ride there had left him queasy as it was, but being shoved out the window and onto a slide by his rock-wife almost nailed the head into the coffin. Naruto could feel the food in his stomach desperately wanting to exit out of his facial orifices, but he pushed the urge down out of sheer willpower. He would not give Kurotsuchi the satisfaction of seeing him blow chunks on his first day in the village hidden in the stones.

As he stood at stock attention in front of a laughing populace, the Tsuchikage floated down from the open window and formally greeted the son of the accursed Namikaze. "Hello Naruto." He said, barely able to contain his laughter "Welcome to our hospitable homeland, Iwagakure no Sato."

He spat out some of the oil that had gotten into his mouth. "Oh, please. The pleasure is all mine." He replied sarcastically.

Naruto began to glare daggers at his granddaughter, who was on the ground laughing her sides out. "You do know that I'm going to get her back, right?" he asked the aging man.

Onoki put up his arms and closed his eyes. "What are you talking about?" he asked airily "is there anything that my granddaughter would have done to upset you so much that you would resort to such childish antics as pranking?" he smirked and discreetly winked at the humiliated leaf chunin. "But even if you would resort to such childish antics, as long as you don't involve anyone else, I doubt that you would face much retribution."

Naruto grinned when he heard that. Time to start plotting.

Takigakure no Sato.

00000000

Fu was staring at the unopened book on the ground in front of her. The label read 'icha-icha paradise.'

Ever since her interactions with Naruto, or more specifically when she had taken in mass amounts of dick-pheromones, she had been feeling different.

Their time together ever since she had lost it and crushed some of his ribs had been spent going over the finer points of taijutsu, training in swordsmanship, and mass amounts of ramen eating. That time she spent with him had been fantastic for her, but she always had a little something niggling in the back of her head. Something that wanted to be indulged, but she couldn't indulge it, not while Naruto was there. All of that led to her current situation of staring at a book full of pornographic material.

She didn't know how to start sexually indulging her lust, as that was the feeling that she believed that she was under the spell of. Even if some of the many books that she read had steamy sessions in them, she had up until then, no interest in reading page after page of only that, and nothing else.

Reading had also given her a fair understanding of how people acted and felt around and towards each other. So even if she hadn't spent her life up to that point surrounded by people, she had a basic understanding of how people acted around other people with emotions like love, lust, happiness, sadness, and so on mixed up in the pot.

And even if the books she read had been able to accurately describe what sexual feeling, attraction, and release had felt like, they never went into the finer details of masturbating, or more specifically, how to do it.

Fu sighed, opened up the book, and started reading it. Everything that came after that would happen upon instinct she supposed.

00000000

Iwagakure no Sato

Naruto was showering off all the grease and feathers that he had accumulated during his first five minutes in Iwagakure. When he had arrived at Kurotsuchi's domicile, he had noted that her father was away, and immediately went to the bathroom to get clean. All the while, Kurotsuchi was being wracked by laughing fits. She had been last seen on her couch, holding her stomach and moaning in pain and pleasure.

Apparently, she laughed so hard that her core was feeling like it was on fire.

Despite the fact that he had been publically humiliated by his wife, he was smiling. Despite the fact that he traded a serene forest with a metropolis made of rocks, he was happy. Despite the fact that he was in a shower that was covered in grease and feathers, which he would probably have to clean later, he was in a good mood.

Why? It's because he had finally found a rival in pranking. And he was going to have lots of fun getting even with her over the course of his week there.

00000000

A few hours later, late evening.

Kitsuchi walked into his house after just having completed a mission, and noticed an extremely intoxicating aroma. It smelled of pork and vegetables in his house, a pleasant duo. Although he and Kurotsuchi never cooked, he never expected to find his son-in-law slaving over a giant pot, in the process of creating culinary art.

All reservations that Kitsuchi had over the marriage of his daughter and the son of the Fourth instantly vanished at the sight of the pork stew. How did Naruto know that pork stew was his favorite food in the world?

Kurotsuchi walked in from her room and greeted her father. "Hey pops." She said offhandedly.

Looking between his daughter and son-in-law, he said "If you two weren't already married, I'd tell you to marry him."

Kurotsuchi backed up in surprise. "What's this about?" she asked.

He walked up behind Naruto, and clasped both of his large hands on Naruto's shoulders, making him stop cooking the stew for a few seconds. "Because we finally have someone who knows how to cook in this house." He said.

Kurotsuchi noticed the meal that Naruto was creating as well, which set her off guard because of the shit she put him through when he first arrived there. The food smelled fantastic, and she couldn't wait to eat it. But she also couldn't help but feel something in the back of her head, trying to tell her something. Brushing it off, she walked back to the table to wait to be served up along with her dad.

"Hmph. Imagine my surprise that when I get home after a long mission that I'm having my favorite meal cooked for me by my son-in-law." Kitsuchi remarked. Kurotsuchi nodded as well. This situation was a new one for her, because even though her and her father weren't estranged by any means, she could only remember one time when they both decided to cook a meal and eat it together. Long story short, they ended up pushing the scorched remains into the trash can and ordering pizza.

Naruto brought the huge pot of stewed goodness, and started serving them up some food, which they all began chowing down on with great gusto. Kurotsuchi felt bad for pranking him to the extent that she did after she began eating the great meal that he had prepared for them in spite of the humiliation that she put him through. Kurotsuchi would have to apologize later, but out of the hearing range of her father, and without anybody knowing about it.

All throughout their sit-down meal, he was silently scheming about what he was going to do to her while she was asleep for the night. Just like he had done before when he had dyed her clothes pink. He broke out into an uncontrollable grin.

Kitsuchi noticed that Naruto's face morphed into one of supreme happiness. "What?" he asked brusquely

Being found out, Naruto began stumbling for words. "Oh, what? I uhhh… I just can't wait to spend time with my wife is all." He said, continuing to grin manically.

With a mischievous smile, Kitsuchi nudged Kurotsuchi. "Looks like I can count on grandchildren after all."

Kurotsuchi blushed heavily and started to spew out reasons why the statement that he just announced was false in the most egregious of ways. After properly making a fool out of herself, she sank back down into her chair. Kurotsuchi was genuinely confused. After she had left Konoha, the both of them were still on terms that one might call 'unfriendly'. Now though, he not only seemingly put the prank she pulled behind him, but he also created a home-made meal for her, and talked about how he wanted to spend time with her.

While she was busy thinking to herself whether or not he might be harboring feelings for her, Naruto collected the empty bowls and put them into the sink. Kitsuchi rose and said goodnight to the both of them.

After Naruto cleaned out the bowls, he approached Kurotsuchi. "So what are the sleeping arrangements?" he asked.

She snapped out of her reverie. "Oh. Uhh… follow me." Kurotsuchi rose up from her seat and bade Naruto to follow her. They ended up in a traditional eastern style room with a closet that held tatami mats and futons. She also had a bathroom extension to her room.

Kurotsuchi grabbed two tatami mats with matching futons and set them down in the middle of the room. "We only have two bedrooms, so you're bunking with me." She said. "And don't try any funny business. These walls are thin, and my dad sleeps right next door."

Naruto wasn't planning to, so he didn't feel much fear in the slightest. "Don't worry, you can trust me." He said all too sweetly.

Kurotsuchi eyed him warily. "Okay…" she picked a few of her pajamas out and went into the bathroom. "I'm changing in here, you change out there." She ordered.

Naruto began taking out clothes from his sealing scrolls "Okay boss." He said with a mock salute.

Closing the door behind her, she began to get out of her clothes and put her pajamas on at an unknowingly fast pace. Her thoughts of Naruto possibly having feelings for her made her nervous, and caused her to think up a whole slew of questions like whether or not it was a good idea for him to sleep in the same room as her, or what their romance would even be like, or if she would mind being romantically involved with her husband at all.

She was an over thinker for sure. However, she never thought about Naruto's state of dress when she opened the door to her bathroom, which she probably should have, because he was naked from the waist down.

"Woah!" Naruto quickly covered his extremity and Kurotsuchi closed the door almost as soon as she opened it. After being reminded of the size of his member, an entirely new set of questions permeated her mind and made her blush a bright vermillion.

Once she was sure that an appropriate amount of time passed, she opened the door again to find Naruto getting into his bedding. He refused to meet her gaze. Naruto did not comment on what she may or may not have seen, and Kurotsuchi was far too embarrassed to even bring it up.

She found her newfound embarrassment infuriating. She was the one who made people embarrassed! Not him!

When the lights were off and they were both settled for sleep, Kurotsuchi asked "Hey kid?"

He grunted in affirmation that he was listening.

After she asked the first question, she found it hard to bring up her apology. "Look… I uhhh… I might have gone a bit overboard with the prank this morning… I'm sorry." Naruto looked at her in surprise, but Kurotsuchi's back was turned to him. He never expected her to apologize for pranking him, and he even started having reservations over what he was planning to do to her. But still, even if she apologized, they were uneven, and she was going to suffer retribution for her insolence at even thinking that she could prank the king of pranks. Even so, Naruto decided to tone down what he was planning on just a bit.

Unknown to her, he was grinning like a mad man.

00000000

The next morning.

Kurotsuchi felt foolish.

No. scratch that. She felt like she had been mentally impaired.

Her reflection stared back at her from the bathroom mirror. How did she even think that he might be interested in starting a romantic relationship? How did she let herself ponder that possibility?

It was true, during the few weeks that they had been apart, she had genuinely missed him. Naruto was one of the few people that she even remotely liked talking to, mostly because she didn't have to think about what she could or could not say to him.

She was the only grandchild of the kage after all.

Kurotsuchi had even liked their cycle of pranks. It was fun pranking him, and to a lesser extent, it was fun being pranked.

She had also been really worried about her future. What if the treaty lasted forever? She wouldn't be able to start a relationship with anyone other than him. As strange as it sounded to her, he was the only outlet for her to ever think of feeling romance towards.

But no. Kurotsuchi didn't think that she would ever be able to forgive him and bury the hatchet for what he did when she asleep.

The reflection that stared back at her had neon pink hair. It wasn't even painted on pink. He bleached her hair in her sleep and dyed it so it looked like her hair naturally grew that color follicles!

She numbly walked back into her room, already knowing that he had vacated it. From the kitchen she could hear the sizzling sound of bacon, so she walked silently in that direction.

Indeed there was bacon being made, as well as eggs and toast. He hadn't noticed her presence, but was still smiling to himself nonetheless as he cooked up their breakfast.

Kurotsuchi wanted to murder him. She wanted to impart an amount of murder on his face to the extent that the murder that his face endured would be spoken of for generations to come. Her body wouldn't move to her commands however, she was still in shock.

"H-How?" so she settled on asking him how he did it.

Naruto turned around, noticing her presence. "Oh, good morning Pinkutsuchi. Have you done something with your hair?" he asked cheekily, and returned to making breakfast.

"How?" she repeated.

"What? Oh. You're a really heavy sleeper you know." He said in response. There were bags under his eyes, signifying that he hadn't slept the previous night.

"B-But… the chemicals."

He turned to face her yet again. "Every good prankster has a ready supply of heavy duty hair bleach and permanent dye."

Kurotsuchi eyed her sword that she left on the living room table. She was about to pick it up and reduce him to cutlets when her dad came back into the kitchen.

"Something smells goo-" he was stopped mid-sentence when he noticed the bags under Naruto's eyes in conjunction with Kurotsuchi's newfound hair color. Kitsuchi knew of Kurotsuchi's hatred for the color pink, and thus was able to piece together somewhat what happened between the two. Not knowing what to say, or how to react, he just decided to get some toast and leave to report to mission assignment.

He trusted his daughter enough not to kill him.

As he was beginning to leave, Kurotsuchi's hand began to twitch towards her sword once again. She knew that she couldn't kill him, but having her sword by her side felt good for her and let her think level-headedly.

"So what's on the agenda for today?" Naruto asked while heaping eggs and bacon on two plates for him and Kurotsuchi.

She sat down at the kitchen table, still holding onto the blade, which was unsheathed. "We're supposed to report to a training ground to be taught by a jonin." She replied airily.

Naruto raised an eyebrow "You're going too?"

"Yes." She hissed out.

"Someone's in a grumpy mood today…" Naruto said with some bacon on his fork.

Kurotsuchi quickly brought her sword in front of her and thrust it at him. Naruto, even if he did push her a bit too far, never expected her to try to skewer him, and thusly flinched away from her strike.

She retracted her sword that had missed him by a mile, and began to eat the bacon that was now situated on its tip. Naruto looked at his now bacon less fork in wonder. Kurotsuchi managed to wrench the bacon from his fork without slicing in two. A remarkable feat.

"You know what? I'm going to get you. It won't be today. Might not be tomorrow. But it will happen." She said with a mouth full of sword bacon.

Naruto grinned back at her. "I look forward to it." Truthfully, he enjoyed their little cycle of pranks as well. Kurotsuchi was a good opponent.

She walked up from her position at the table and proceeded to put ninja wrappings around her head, intended to hide her new hair color. After that she walked out the door. Naruto got up and ran after her.

"Where are you going?" he said to her loudly.

She turned around with a quizzical look on her face. "We're out of milk! I'm getting some, then coming back!" she yelled back at him and ninja jumped away.

Naruto slunk back into the house and got ready for training. Kurotsuchi quickly returned with a jug of milk in hand. The perks of being a shinobi is that one could get groceries in under 3 minutes.

She suited up without a word edgewise and met up with Naruto at the front door.

The run to the training ground was dangerously quiet. It put Naruto off his game slightly, and made him wonder if he went too far with dyeing her hair pink.

They ended up a ways away from the sprawling iwa proper and ended up at the very outskirts. It was just a flat plain of a single slab of rock for as far as he could see. "Where are we?" he asked Kurotsuchi.

"Training ground 111, dubbed 'the flat rock field.'" She said with no small amount of national pride.

Naruto looked around. "Okay, so where's sensei?" just as the words left his mouth, the ground in front of him turned wavy and a very large man erupted from the now water like substance.

He was still dripping from the watery granular material. Kurotsuchi looked at Naruto and said "this is Eisha-sensei, the Rock Swimmer."

Although he was a towering man, he had the body structure of an Olympic swimmer and thusly, had no hair on his head and chest, which were bare of clothing. The only clothing he wore was a pair of spandex swim trunks. Despite his lack of physical age markers, his countenance marked him as a twenty something year-old

He nodded in Naruto's direction "Good morning, son of the Fourth Hokage. I am Eisha, and I will be teaching you today."

Naruto nodded back as well. "Hello Eisha-sensei, you can call me Naruto."

"Okay Naruto, tell me all that you know in ninja survival."

He rattled off all that he knew: the shadow clone, rasengan, basic kenjutsu, survival techniques, transformation, substitution, and sexy no jutsu.

Eisha decided not to comment on the sexy no jutsu. "You seem to have extremely basic knowledge in ninja skills as well as extremely advanced knowledge, there's no in-between. You'll practice swordsmanship and beefing up your supplementary jutsu repertoire."

Naruto didn't see any sword on his form. "You'll teach me kenjutsu?" he asked.

Eisha shook his head. "Nope, luckily enough your wife has great knowledge on the art of swords." Kurotsuchi menacingly unsheathed her sword.

Naruto also unsheathed his sword from his hip. He didn't like the look that she giving him.

00000000

Kumogakure, at the moment.

Yugito finally woke up and did her morning stretches. She had been told before that she was unnaturally limber, even for a kunoichi. It was proven when she effortlessly poked her head in between her legs and crouched down to rest. The very notion of bending a torso so far back that it almost came back to its original position would be damn near impossible to pull for the normal shinobi. Yugito, however, had been able to do after just only a week of stretches. She didn't know the reason why, perhaps it was Matatabi's fault, or maybe she was just born limber.

There was a knocking on the door. She sighed and unfolded her body from its resting position. Outside the door was a very nervous Samui, though she didn't show any of it on her face.

Yugito was very surprised by the person on her front step. "Hello Samui-san. Is there something that you want?" she asked cordially.

Samui shuffled around a bit. "Can I come inside? I need to talk to you."

"Uhm. Sure." Yugito opened the door fully, allowing for her to step inside. Samui gazed around her interior, and settled herself on the couch.

"I like your apartment." Samui started coolly.

"What was it that you wanted?" Yugito said, not really in the mood for idle chit-chat.

Samui sighed. "It's about Naruto."

Yugito sat down as well. "Figured as much."

Samui took a moment to collect her thoughts. "I know that you're married to him, along with 4 others, and I also know that you 4 aren't romantically involved with him... so I was wondering if it would be okay for me to date him."

"Probably not. It would send a bad message to the rest of the nations that Naruto started a relationship with a person outside the marriage."

"But… surely they know that the arranged marriage is an unwanted affair by the ones who are directly involved."

"Maybe." Yugito conceded "But you have to understand that this union is more symbolic than anything else."

Samui was quiet for a time. "Okay next question. Do you think that I'd be allowed to be a part of the marriage as well?"

Yugito was shocked, and was unable to come up with any other response than "Why?"

Using her brother's words, she said "So I can use it for a vehicle to start a relationship with him."

Yugito leveled a maternal gaze on Samui, understanding her slightly. "Look Samui… I don't know you that well, but you're 13, you shouldn't get hung up on a guy at that age. You've got your whole life ahead of you and you shouldn't bog yourself down with marriage when you're so young."

Samui was starting to lose her composure. "But I… I've never met someone like him before."

Yugito nodded. "Yeah, he is a special guy. But if you want to start a relationship with him, well… you may only be married on paper, but you'll have to go through the steps of being actually married. Namely, living in the same house, sharing a bed, putting up with each other's bad points from day one. I don't think that any budding relationship could survive that."

Samui looked like she had been expecting that information. "…Thanks Yugito. You know, you're a surprisingly cool person."

"I'll try to take that as a compliment." Yugito got up and Samui did the same.

Samui left her house with the parting words of "If you ever need to talk, don't hesitate to come to me." Samui needed older female advice, there weren't that many older women that she could talk to for advice.

Yugito closed the door and resumed her stretches in the living room with a smile on her face. It was nice being needed by someone.

00000000

Iwagakure 4 hours later.

Kurotsuchi was on the ground, too tired to even think about moving any limbs. 'Where does that energy come from?' she thought to herself. She glared at Naruto menacingly. It was lucky that her head just so happened to be turned to the side that Naruto was standing in, because she didn't have the energy to move her neck.

Naruto was sweating profusely, but other than that and a few already healing cuts, he was fine. He and Eisha were having a conversation that was just out of the range of her hearing. Naruto walked over to her position abruptly. "You okay Pinkutsuchi?"

She tried to move to wave him off, but only succeeded in doing slight movements of her arms on the ground. Although she hadn't needed any chakra to boost her speed or strength, at the later stages of their sparring she had needed to push chakra into her limbs just so she wouldn't get tired.

He knelt down to her and pulled her torso up so that it was resting on his knees. He pulled out a soldier pill and put it in her mouth. "Chew." He ordered.

Pinkutsuchi was able to comply. As soon as she ate the pill, she felt energy rush back into her tired limbs, and was able to prop herself back up.

Their fight had been fierce. Kurotsuchi had, at first, rushed him with wild abandon and a ferocity known only to women who have been scorned, not knowing or caring how well he could fight with the sword. After a few minutes of that, even though he was an inferior swordsman, he was able to get some nicks in her. So she decided to be more cautious and play it by the book. After engaging him for 4 hours, she was astounded by his endurance, and even if he was inferior in skill, he definitely won by attrition.

She pulled herself up from the ground and waved Naruto away from her. Eisha walked up to them and announced "That was a boring 4 hours for me."

Kurotsuchi didn't really care much, and walked to the sidelines to rest a bit. Even if she ate the soldier pill to replenish her chakra, her muscles were still tired from the fight.

Eisha looked back at Naruto. "Dude, what did you do to her?"

"Hey! _She_ started it." he said indignantly

He put up his hands "Hey, hey. Don't worry, I'll leave the marital conflicts to the married." He took out a scroll and passed it to Naruto "The reason they call me the rock swimmer is because I took the jutsu **"earth walking"** and perfected it to the scale that I'm able to enter and exit solid rock. You'll be practicing the jutsu on soft earth for now." He did a few handseals and slammed his palms on the ground. A six foot wide in diameter circle of solid rock turned to soft earth.

Naruto unfurled the scroll. It detailed all the things that one would have to know about the jutsu in order to properly accomplish it. From the handseals, to how it the chakra was internally molded, to how it was externally discharged, all the way to the finer points of execution. "So if I learn from the scroll, what are you going to do?" he asked the Rock Swimmer.

"Hey, I put you on the right direction. You have to walk it." Eisha promptly melted into the solid rock and disappeared.

"You remind me so much of a certain perverted scarecrow back at home." Naruto mumbled to himself.

He looked at the scroll again. Naruto wasn't much of a book learner, preferring to do things with hands on experience. But with his sensei gone, he didn't have much a choice but to look at the scroll for guidance.

He looked to Kurotsuchi for support, but found that she had fallen asleep.

00000000

A few hours later.

Naruto was getting himself pumped up. "Okay, Okay. I got this." Going through the proper handsigns, he shouted out **"earth walking"** and sank into the ground. He came bursting right back up for air immediately afterwards.

"Okay. **"Earth walking" **is a success." It wasn't really. A lot more depended on a jutsu than it successfully being used. There were a whole slew of other things that one had to take into account when using jutsu's on the battlefield. Naruto didn't even really know how to navigate around in the ground, or how to make it so he could breathe under there for limited amounts at a time.

But nevertheless, Naruto felt like he had achieved something that day, so he went to go wake Kurotsuchi up. The snores that she had been making had reverberated throughout the training field for the longest time, but Naruto didn't want to needlessly wake her up and suffer her wrath.

But with the need to train now over and done with, he could confidently wake her up without suffering castration.

He nudged her with his toe. "Oi, Pinkutsuchi-chan. Wake up." She was unaffected by his prodding. So he shoved her a bit with his foot, she was still snoring away.

'How can she operate in battle with those sleep habits?' with a great sigh of defeat, he picked her up and laid her on his back for piggyback riding.

Unknown to him, she was inwardly smirking.

The walk back to her place was slow and arduous. It didn't matter how much endurance he had, she was still heavy in comparison to his physical strength.

Just as he was making to where he thought she lived, he heard Kurotsuchi shout "NOW!" she planted her feet on his back and used him as a springboard to jump off of. He ate dirt and was up in time to see several teenagers armed with balloons filled with an unknown liquid.

"I KNEW IT!" Naruto shouted, and unsealed his own armament of water balloons.

A balloon was lobbed at him from one of the teens, but he was able to dodge just in time for an imposing adult to get impacted straight in the chest from it. He now had a yellow paint stain on his front shirt.

Still dodging balloons, Naruto handed a few of his own to the unknown, now painted, stranger. He took the balloons and started fighting alongside Naruto.

That was how The Battle of the Painted Rock had started out. With Naruto fooling the ambushers and providing armaments to the uninvolved passerby who had been hit by the sudden conflict. After everyone was well and truly painted over, the tide began to turn in favor of Naruto. Kurotsuchi might have had the element of surprise, but Naruto was able to use his charisma to turn the tide of the masses in his favor.

It didn't hurt that he had an almost unlimited supply of paint balloons.

Soon Kurotsuchi's friends were pushed back by Naruto's superior fighting force and resolve. When they ran away with their tails tucked between their legs, a thoroughly painted over Naruto cried out in triumph and the masses that had fought by his side did so as well.

The news soon leaked out about the Battle of the Painted Rock, which put a smile on all the faces of any iwa citizen who heard about it.

But there was still one problem that needed to be cleared up.

Kurotsuchi.

He had no idea where she was. Looking all around him, Naruto was suddenly pelted in the back with several paint balloons, which exploded on impact. Taken by surprise, Naruto fell forward, and was subjugated to an absolute onslaught of painting. He tried to turn himself around to help get out of range, but that only made it worse for him, as the balloons started hitting with more force, never letting him get up from the ground.

When the pelting stopped, he looked up to a nearby rooftop to see a smirking Kurotsuchi. She dropped down and faced him from about twenty feet away.

"How did you know that I was going to do that?" Kurotsuchi asked. She was unpainted, as she had been hiding on the rooftop the entire time.

"We already had milk. There was no reason for you to get some more. So I guessed that you were plotting something." He said with a smile.

"And the paint balloons?" she asked.

"Whenever I'm not on a mission, I always have _something _on me. It just so happened that we had the same idea."

"Hmph. Great minds think alike." She said.

"Yeah. Well… not _entirely_ alike." Just as he said that, multiple Naruto's poofed into existence from their states of being transformed into different items on the road. They all hefted a filled-beyond-capacity paint balloon and hurled it at our favorite pink-haired heroine.

With no room to maneuver, she was only able to cross her arms in front of her and crouch slightly before she was painted over in a deluge of different colors. All the clones poofed out of existence once their missions were completed.

Not talking at all, she began to shuffle towards the still downed Naruto. Once she was close to him, she fell to the ground by his side. They both sat there in silence. The roads were painted and mixed with different colors. The houses that got hit all had splatters on them. Strangely enough, it was Kurotsuchi's home that got hit with the worst of the paint.

In sync, they both looked at each other in the eyes from their position on the ground and started laughing. Naruto's laughing soon died down, but Kurotsuchi remained in that state for a while longer. Even though her personality was mischievous in nature, even though her snoring would wake a bear from slumber, even though she acted with a brusque disposition, she did have a beautiful laugh.

Naruto had never stopped and listened to her laugh before. The sounds of her harmonious laugh brought a smile to his face.

Once she was done laughing, she opened her eyes up again to see Naruto staring at her with a smile on his face, even if it was difficult to tell with all the paint on his face.

"What?" she asked playfully.

"You… have a really nice laugh." Naruto said.

This caused her to be taken aback. "Err… thanks." She picked herself up and offered a hand to the downed Jinchuuriki. He took it and was brought to stand on his feet.

"You know what Kurotsuchi? I really like you." Naruto said bluntly.

This caused her to be even more taken aback. "Oh, uuummm… thanks. I really like you too."

Naruto continued to smile "You're like the only person who can match me and my pranking." He held a hand out towards her. "Thanks for being a friend."

She took the hand. "He he. No problem. You're kind of fun to hang around too, but I'm never going to forgive you for dyeing my hair pink." She said playfully.

"Awww. But you look so nice with pink hair."

She blushed, even if it wasn't evident on her face because of the paint, her change in demeanor definitely showed embarrassment. "D-Don't say things that you don't mean, shithead."

Naruto was kind of confused by this 'Why is she embarrassed? I just complimented her.' Whenever he complimented Sakura, she would usually tell him off, or hit him, but Kurotsuchi got embarrassed from it. Naruto started plotting again. 'So she gets embarrassed when she gets complimented… I think I could work that angle.'

He started to walk to Kurotsuchi's house. "If we're going to continue pranking each other, we're going to have to tone it down a bit. Don't you think, by beautiful wife?"

She looked at him as he walked in the direction of her home. 'Maybe a relationship between us could work. But before that ever happens, I am going to get him back for dyeing my hair pink.'

It was the start of a beautiful friendship.

**AN/ as always. Read and Review.**

Omake 4

It was movie night at the Uzumaki residence, and all five of wives were there. And all five of them were crying their eyes out.

They were watching 'The Scrollbook' a movie that had something to do with a couple of teenagers pledging to marry each other, but one got sent to war, the other married to another person, yadda yadda yadda. Naruto really didn't care, and wasn't really paying attention, because it was so utterly dull to him, but for some reason, it provoked large amounts of sad feelings amongst his wives.

"How is this sad in any way, shape, or form?" Naruto finally asked.

He got a pillow to the face for all his trouble of wishing to understand. "It just is." Fu said with tears streaming down her face.

"How can you not get this?" Temari asked Naruto in-between breaths for sobs to break through.

By far, Mei's crying was the loudest of the group. The dialogue was barely comprehensible at the loudness that she was crying, yet they all somehow managed to continue to hear it and get hit by a truck full of feels.

"I love this movie so much. It's so much better the fourth time" Yugito whispered. The only reason that Naruto was able to understand her was because she was cuddling him on her lap.

"Wait. You've seen this movie before?" Naruto asked. All of them nodded their heads.

"Second time" Fu said.

"Fifth time" Temari said.

"Third time" Kurotsuchi said

Mei made an unintelligible response, but it definitely sounded like more than ten times.

Naruto shook his head. He truly never thought that he would be able to understand women.

**AN/ The Scrollbook = the Notebook.**


	19. the pranks pt 2

Chapter 19

Kurotsuchi's snoring was really bothering Naruto. It was a loud, reverberating, unpleasant sound that always seemed to blast forward from her mouth at unprecedented rates whenever she hit the first phase of the REM sleep cycle.

So he had to improvise and create make-shift ear plugs out of some ninja wire and stuffing to block the sound. It worked for a while, until the sounds of her father snoring as well came from the wall opposite of him and worked in tandem to completely penetrate the sound barrier of his ear plugs.

Seems that he found out on which side of the family that she got it from.

After some time deliberating, he walked over from his futon next to hers with the plan of somehow shutting off the snoring. Naruto knew that she was an unbelievably heavy sleeper, so he had some room for experimentation.

He tried the most obvious solution of trying to cover her mouth, which was where the snoring was coming from, but she stopped being able to intake any amount of air after he did that, and started to struggle immediately in her sleep. After he quickly pulled his hand away from her mouth, she started snoring like always.

He looked at his hand, it was almost pitch black, but he could see the faint shine on his hand from the small amount of light there was.

So she drooled in her sleep too.

Okay, what else could he do?

After wiping her drool away on his pajamas, he tried to roll her on her side to if that did any good.

It didn't.

After getting more than a little frustrated at the continued crescendo of snoring that was occurring, he slid a hand underneath her head, and tilted it upwards slightly.

The noise was cut down by half as soon as he did that.

Sighing in relief, he put her head back down and made way to his sleeping area. But just as he was getting down to rest again, the snoring came back in full.

Naruto wanted to scream in frustration.

Walking back over, he tilted her head in the exact same way and the snoring stopped again. Sensing a connection between position of the head and the occurrence of the snoring, he tried to position the pillow under her head to make it stay in that position.

How she was able to continue to sleep in that condition of having her head fiddled with would remain a mystery forever.

He couldn't get her head to stay in the same position, even after trying a myriad of pillow positions.

Knowing that his only practical solution in stopping the snoring would be to physically stop her from doing it, he solemnly began to climb under her futon with her.

Yugito and Fu were okay with sleeping in the same bed, so he assumed that Kurotsuchi would be as well. Resting her head on his arm in a fashion that stopped her from snoring, he was finally capable of going to sleep with the help of the earplugs.

Sidling up with her for the night, he immediately fell into dreamland with his wife.

00000000

The next morning

Ever since Naruto came to live with him and his daughter, Kitsuchi had been walking into some weird situations.

The first time he came home, he realized that his son-in-law was making a meal for all of them; the next morning, he awoke to his daughter having a different colored hair and his son-in-law being extremely sleep deprived; then he walked into his house, which was sporting a new paint job, to find both of the house's showers sporting a new color scheme.

Now, there was an extremely pissed off Kurotsuchi and an equally pissed off Naruto staring at each other, eating their breakfast with hateful expressions. The only difference between them was that Naruto was sporting a black eye.

Kitsuchi firmly believed that there was a line to be crossed. The line being domestic violence.

"What happened?" he asked gruffly.

The staring intensified.

"_What happened?_" he repeated.

Kurotsuchi broke eye contact. "I'm married to a pervert." She said simply.

"_You_ were snoring like a motherfucker, and I couldn't sleep!" Naruto cried indignantly.

"Wear fucking earplugs!"

"I was! You and your dad's snoring was so bad that they got through enough to the point that I thought that I was going to lose hearing!"

"Where does the justification for you spooning me come in!?"

"It was the only way to get you to stop!"

Kurotsuchi was pulling at her hair. "How does spooning cure snoring!?"

"It wasn't the spooning, it was your head positioning! I think. I'm pretty sure it was the head positioning."

Kurotsuchi looked to be on the verge of exploding. "So if I just needed to look a different way, WHY DID YOU NEED TO SPOON ME!?"

"IT WAS MORE COMFORTABLE!"

"NOT FOR ME!"

"YOU SLEPT LIKE A GOD-FORSAKEN ROCK!"

"AGAINST MY WILL!"

Naruto looked at her inquisitively "You slept against your will?"

She only got angrier. "I slept in a situation that was against my will" she hissed out.

Naruto took in a couple of deep breaths. After that, he calmly laced his fingers together, and serenely asked "Why are you uncomfortable with spooning?"

"I just am."

"No reason?"

"No. I'm just not comfortable with having a guy that I barely know spoon me."

He reclined back into his chair in a thoughtful expression. "Then why did Fu and Yugito let me sleep with them?"

"I don't know."

Naruto shook his head. "It doesn't matter. You'll have to deal with it somehow."

Her eyes went wide first in confusion, then anger. "WHAT!?"

"I need my sleep! And I can't get any when I'm bunking with Vader 1 and Vader 2." He said, pointing to Kitsuchi and Kurotsuchi respectively. Finishing his breakfast, he got up and went out the door. "I'm going to the training grounds!" he shouted out.

Kurotsuchi huffed and sank back into her seat.

Yup. Kitsuchi had been walking in on some weird situations as of late. He sat down opposite Kurotsuchi. "I thought you liked him." he said bluntly.

Kurotsuchi blushed slightly and looked away from her father. Indeed, she had told her dad about how she _might _have been _theoretically_ interested in actually dating him. Putting her head in her hands, she quietly said "I-I… I don't know. I can't figure him out."

They sat I silence for a while. "You know Kurotsuchi…" Kitsuchi began. "When I heard that pops had put you in an arranged marriage with the son of the Fourth, I lost it. I yelled, I screamed, I threw a temper tantrum... it wasn't a pretty sight. But eventually, I realized that while your marriage would probably be for the best of the nation as the whole, it wouldn't be for you." He took a deep breath. "So I made a promise to myself. If that 'son of the Fourth' makes my daughter unhappy in any way, I'll immediately annul the marriage. Doesn't matter what I have to do, I'll annul it somehow."

"So why haven't you annulled it yet?" she asked with bemused smirk on her face.

"Because I can tell that you're not unhappy."

She looked at the table with a hard expression. "I know. I-It's not that I'm not happy. I'm just _pissed_ off at him constantly."

Kitsuchi chuckled and leaned back in his seat. "You two just have to get accustomed to each other. Your mom and I were just like you two back in the day."

Kurotsuchi had heard the story quite a few times. Her dad had been strategically married off to a lava user in the hope of rekindling the dust release. At first they hated and detested each other, but they eventually warmed up to the thought of being married. Then they had a kid, her mom died in the third shinobi war, and young Kurotsuchi was married off to the son of the Fourth.

They sat in silence for a while. "Why don't you just tell him that you're interested in him?" Kitsuchi ventured.

She sighed leaned back as far as her spine would allow. "It's not that simple. What if he says that he's not interested in return? We have to sleep in the same room! Do you know how awkward that'll be? Or what if he says that he is interested in return? That's even worse! We're already married, so there's no toe dipping in this situation. Either we stay out of the water, or dive in headfirst."

Kitsuchi sighed. He didn't feel comfortable giving his teenage daughter dating advice. "Why don't you just go on a few dates before you tell him you're interested?"

"Because… I just, I don't know." She put her head in her hands.

"That new Princess Gale movie just came out. Why don't you see it with him?"

Kurotsuchi grunted in response. Getting up, she cleared her plate, and headed out the door. "I'll think about it!" she called out.

00000000

Training ground 111

Naruto burst out of the soft earth gasping for breath and started to look around his surroundings. He quickly spotted a circle on the earth about 10 feet away from him and groaned out in frustration.

After he made it to the training ground and showed his progress to Eisha, he seemed taken aback by how quickly Naruto had learned the jutsu. But he instructed that even if Naruto knew the jutsu, he didn't know how to correctly implement it. So he made the solid ground into a square clearing of loose earth that was about 50 ft long and 20 ft wide. After instructing Naruto on how to properly move in the earth, he made a circle on its surface at a random point and told Naruto that he would only truly be able to use the jutsu to its fullest if he was able to pop up in the circle from underground.

As it was, Eisha was looking at Naruto progress with no slight amount of wonder. Nobody learned jutsu that fast. Not even he was able to master the normal **"earth walking"** technique until a week into training with it. But here Naruto was, well on his way on mastering it in half the time.

Naruto was a surprisingly good student.

Naruto popped up from the ground gasping for breath again, but this time clearly in the circle that was imposed by Eisha. He started shouting in excitement and made his way to his part-time sensei.

"How was that Eisha-sensei?"

"That was perfect Naruto. What I just told you to do was meant to help you with your situational awareness. Naturally you can't see what's happening above ground, so it's important that you keep some awareness of where you are in relative position to where other things are on the surface."

Naruto beamed up at him. "So when can I do it like you can?" he asked excitedly.

"Probably never."

Naruto deflated. "So what was the point of me learning this jutsu?"

Eisha struck a 'pondering' pose. "Okay. Lecture time. This jutsu would usually be classified as a support jutsu. A jutsu that won't have much of an impact on physically harming the opponent, and is generally either used in running away, or getting behind or under the enemy. I, however" he pointed to himself. "Just used the jutsu as a template for my fighting style, and have changed it drastically to suit my needs."

Naruto looked up at him with a confused expression. "But how is what you do and what I do different?"

"Well for one, I mastered the use of two different chakra natures to supplement the way I use the jutsu, and I also am a chakra sensor to a limited degree."

This confused Naruto even more. "What are chakra natures and sensors?"

Eisha didn't look amused. "What did they teach you in the academy at Konoha?"

"I… never really listened to the lectures…" he said sheepishly.

Eisha looked down and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. Looking up, he said "Basically, chakra natures are markers for the elemental type you can change your chakra into. Sensors are capable of sensing where other people are based on their chakra."

Naruto snapped his fingers in realization. "Like the Hyuuga?" he asked.

Eisha nodded. "Yes, but they are the most extreme example of chakra sensing."

"Okay, I've got that. But what does mastering chakra nature have to do with your technique?"

"…you really don't know anything about chakra natures do you?"

"I know that you can use different jutsu that do stuff like make fire or lighting." Naruto said indignantly.

"Well yes, generally anyone could use any jutsu that uses handseals. But some people are more predisposed to certain elements than to others. So a fire-type ninja would have a hard time learning wind-type jutsu. To master a nature type, one would have to completely be able to bring their element out of their chakra, and each of the elemental types have different exercises to do so."

"But didn't you say that you mastered two? And how does that affect the jutsu?"

"It is possible to master elemental natures that aren't your main type, but it takes a lot longer. I was born a water type, so mastering that only took a few years. But for my fighting style to be complete, I would need to master earth type. Luckily, I live in Iwagakure, so finding instruction in earth manipulation wasn't difficult."

"So what does that have to do with the jutsu?" Naruto repeated.

"Well… like I said, anyone can learn any jutsu that uses handseals because handseals manipulate and convert your chakra for you. But they can only be used rigidly, and don't offer much flexibility out of the realm of their respective jutsu. Direct elemental manipulation works by being able to interact with the world around you and other jutsu in a much more languid and flexible way. So people can do things to their surroundings with direct elemental manipulation to completely alter the flow of the battle."

Naruto nodded his head, understanding the lecture so far.

"The way that I use the two natures in conjunction with each other is by shrouding myself simultaneously with my earth chakra and water chakra, then using the earth chakra to break up the rock into smaller granular materials, I jump inside and saturate it with my water chakra, which makes it much more loose and allows me to 'swim' with a huge amount of speed by changing my directions and speed with the water current."

Naruto nodded again. "But what does you being a sensor have to do with anything?"

"Well I got the nickname 'the rock swimmer' because I would be able to 'swim' directly under anyone and drag them into the rock, where they would suffocate. Being able to sense where people were was a humongous help to me."

"How would people suffocate? Couldn't they just swim upwards?"

"Because I saturate the rock with my water chakra, once the chakra dissipates, so does the water. The same goes for the rock, so once I swim away, they're stuck in solid rock."

Naruto cringed. It truly was a brutal fighting style. But something was still off to him. "How old are you?" Naruto asked. From what he gathered, mastering chakra natures take loads of time, and he shouldn't have had the time to completely master an entire fighting style by himself.

"47." He said nonchalantly.

Naruto's eyes widened considerably. "You're 47? But, you look so…" As was stated before, Eisha didn't have very many physical markers to gauge his age, and Naruto only guessed his age by his general countenance.

"Yes…?" Eisha said expectantly.

"You just… you act young." Naruto finished lamely.

"Is there something wrong with that?" he asked defensively.

"No, no. of course not. It's just… surprising I guess." After he said that, Naruto fell onto the ground and looked up at the clouds.

"So I'm not going to master it to your level, but to use it correctly in battle, I would use it to run away from a strong opponent, or use it to get behind them?" he asked from the ground.

"Yeah." Eisha decided to lie down on the ground as well.

Naruto sat in silence for a while. "I could so use this with my shadow clones." Indeed, distracting the enemy, then coming up when they least expect it would be a very good strategy to use in conjunction with shadow clones.

"Mhhmm. There a few more things that I could teach you, like how to get a limited amount of oxygen down there, but that would probably take way too much time for you to learn it within the week because you have to have at least a passing knowledge of wind chakra."

Naruto grunted in affirmation. They stayed that way for a while, just relaxing and staring up at the clouds float by. Naruto finally understood why Shikamaru liked doing it so much. It was a lot more soothing than he expected it to be.

"Hey Eisha?"

"Hn?"

"You're old right?"

"I personally wouldn't say that 47 is very old."

"But you've lived longer than I have, and are a lot smarter."

"Yeah."

"What do you know about girls?" Naruto had been having a hard time with Kurotsuchi and was seeking advice. Eisha was the only one available, but he did survive to his forties, so he must be more knowledgeable than Naruto was on the subject.

Eisha sighed explosively. "Absolutely nothing."

Or not.

Naruto eyed him warily "What do you mean?"

Eisha took a while to answer. "Look man, I don't know anything about women just as much as women don't know anything about men." Eisha eyed him severely. "I'm only going to say this once, so you better listen up. You shouldn't make assumptions on people based on anything that seems apparent to you. Whether that be race, gender, or sexual orientation. Would you like to know why?"

Naruto nodded.

"You shouldn't make assumptions on people because all people are different. If you would like to do something, communicate it first. I swear, if people just told other people how they feel, the world wouldn't be so fucked up."

Eisha's countenance turned cheerful once again "Marital problems?"

"Yup."

"Your life seems to have turned into one marital problem after another."

"You could say that again."

"You going to talk about it or what?"

Naruto groaned. "Okay. So… she snores, first of all. It isn't a small snore that could be dealt with on most nights, no her snoring shakes the house, and her dad does it too which only makes it worse." Naruto saw that Eisha was following him so far. "So I walked over to her while she was sleeping, and moved her head in a position that stopped the snoring. I tried to arrange the pillow to do it for me, but my arm was the only thing that could keep it in that position. So I put my arm under her head to stop the snoring, and went back to sleep."

"I'm going to assume that she didn't take too well to that."

"Didn't you say not to assume things?"

"Don't assume things about _people_, situations and actions are completely different."

"Hmph, whatever. Anyway, once she woke up, she punched me in the face."

"Well you _did_ sneak into bed with her."

"But Fu and Yugito were fine with it." he said indignantly.

"You're other wives?"

Naruto nodded.

"Are Fu and Yugito the same person as Kurotsuchi?"

Naruto shook his head.

"Well there you have your answer. You assumed that people of the opposite gender are okay with sleeping in the same bed because of your previous interactions with your other wives, and you shouldn't do that. You can basically infer how people feel towards one thing or another based on their actions and interactions with the world."

"Well yeah, but I don't know why Kurotsuchi does the things she does!"

"And this is where experience with other people come in. What has she done that mystifies you?"

"Well she usually acts all mischievous around me, but lately she's been acting different."

"How so?"

"I don't know! Sometimes she's acting all nice and understanding and she laughs a lot, but other times she's really mad at me for reasons that I don't understand. She just switches from one personality to another."

"Anything else?"

"Uhhh… she gets embarrassed when I compliment her? I don't know anyone else who does that."

A few things fell into place in Eisha's head. "Look kid. Sometimes people have trouble putting their feelings into words or actions, so if you do something sudden and they don't know how to react, then the results could be quite explosive."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that she likes you. But she doesn't know how to show it, or she doesn't want to show it."

Naruto didn't really know how to take this little tidbit of information. "Huh? But she… she never acts like she likes me…" He said, scratching his head in confusion.

Naruto, for his part, wasn't much of a thinker. There are a few reasons for this, such as he just isn't very good at it, or that he doesn't find much pleasure in doing so. But as of late, he had been pushed into a lot of situations in which thinking heavily was required. Like having his convictions repeatedly questioned, or accidentally hurting someone's feelings because of not taking in the situation correctly. So Naruto had been thinking quite often, wondering what the marriage had in store for him in the future, or how he would fit the whole 'akatsuki trying to kill him' and the 'retrieve Sasuke from Orochimaru' in with the 'protect each other' mentality that he and his wives had developed.

Eisha saw the gears turning in Naruto's head and decided it might be best to leave the boy alone for the moment. So he quietly sunk into the rock without alerting the thinking lad.

Naruto hadn't really thought about his love life very often after departing from Konoha. With the new information that Kurotsuchi apparently liked him, he found himself wondering if he would mind it all that much. There were a whole slew of unknowns in the situation, and he knew that. He didn't even know what it was like to be in a romantic relationship, so he didn't know how to approach it. But he did know that he liked Kurotsuchi. He might not see her in a romantic light, but he liked talking to her, he liked the cycle of pranks that they had created, and he liked her laugh. But he didn't know if he loved her.

There was also the fact that even if they did date, it would be stranger still due to the fact that they live in the same house and would interact on a regular basis. He knew very little about how relationships worked, but from the little amount of it that he absorbed from TV and other media, he knew that people just starting in a relationship never interacted much outside of their dates. It was only until they came to the conclusion that they loved and wanted to always be with each other that they decided that it would be worth it to live in the same house and interact regularly.

Naruto sighed in exasperation and confusion. This wasn't something that he wanted to think about and he started to desperately search for some kind of distraction in order to escape from it. Mentally snapping his fingers, he searched his ninja pouch for a certain scroll. Obtaining it, he pulled it open and unsealed what was inside of it.

A small pile of about 5 books popped out of the scroll. When he had been on the way to leave Taki, Fu ran up to him and shoved the scroll in his hands, saying that they were the best books that she had ever read. Even knowing that he would probably be too busy training to sit down and read, he still graciously accepted the books and tucked the scroll into his pouch. Now that he had nothing to do and needed a distraction, the books were just the right thing for him.

Much like his status as a thinker, Naruto wasn't much of a reader either. He was a man of action after all, there was no time to be sitting and reading when he could be training. That being said, he needed a mental outlet, not a physical one.

He indiscriminately picked up a book and cracked it open to the first page.

00000000

Just outside training ground 111

Kurotsuchi was finally climbing her way up to training ground 111. On the way over, she decided to walk the way instead of running because of her need to think. Kurotsuchi came to the conclusion that she didn't really know what to do. Act on her feelings or don't, she seemed to be in between a rock and a hard place.

When she got there, instead of seeing a Naruto hard at work mastering the finer details of the jutsu that he was given, she found Naruto quietly reading a book while he was lying down on the ground with a languid expression on his face.

He hadn't noticed her presence yet, so she decided to do something about that.

Even if he wasn't a reader, Fu had been correct in saying that the books that she gave him were among the finer literate works. So he just shut off the world around him as he continued to get sucked into the book. Its main plot point was about an ordinary ninja who had been put on the same team as two successful prodigies who had connections in high places. The entire book was about him evolving as a person and a shinobi as he came to impossible situations that no ordinary shinobi should ever have to face.

And he continued to read until a sword slammed down inches away from his ear. Shrieking, he scrambled backwards to face the new threat that faced him.

The threat turned out to be Kurotsuchi who was barely able to control her laughter at his expression.

Naruto sweatdropped. 'Does she _really_ like me?' his ear was still ringing from the sword striking the rocky ground.

Naruto decided to test that out. He got up slowly with a big grin on his face and began to walk in the direction of Kurotsuchi. "You really got me there." He said, huffing a little in laughter. "But you know what Kurotsuchi?"

She was still giggling like a maniac when he stopped inches away from her. "What?"

He placed a palm on her cheek and remarked "You are the most beautiful person that I have ever seen in my life." He said with the straightest of faces.

She stopped giggling and adopted a facial expression that looked like she had been struck in the head by a shovel. Kurotsuchi then began to heat up to an uncomfortable degree, which Naruto was able to feel due to his hand still pressed to her face.

Not knowing what to do in the situation, she kneed him in the groin.

Naruto's eyes bulged out and he quickly keeled over in pain from the sudden painful contact on his baby makers.

"I-Idiot! Don't say those sorts of things!" she shouted out at him as soon as she regained control her verbal functions.

He screamed in agony as a retort.

Kurotsuchi looked down at him. He was rolling around in obvious pain. That couldn't feel good in way, shape or form.

She stood awkwardly on the side as he began to pick himself up.

"What was that for?!" he shouted.

"You were being an idiot." She said defensively.

"For complimenting you?"

She looked at the ground, not being able to meet his gaze. So maybe a knee to the groin was a bit much, but she didn't do it consciously. It was sort of like a body reaction to get him as far away from her as possible.

Kurotsuchi sighed in slight remorse. "I'm sorry, okay. For punching you this morning and kneeing you in the dick right now."

Her slightly ineloquent response still had an effect on Naruto. "It's okay. I should have just sucked it up and dealt with your snoring. But that was so not cool what you did just now."

She giggled at his exasperated tone. With a mischievous smirk, she asked "Whatcha gunno do about it?"

He smiled back at her. "Why nothing of course, my Tsuchihime."

She began to blush again, but made no movements to physically harm him. "S-So what're you doing?" she asked him

He looked down at the book that he lost the page number of. "I _was_ reading. Eisha kind of took off when I mastered the **"earth walking"** technique."

She looked slightly surprised at that. "You mastered **"earth walking?"**" she asked incredulously.

"Well not completely. I still need to learn how to take air down under. But I'd need some training in wind nature, or something like that."

Kurotsuchi nodded in understanding. "So what're you going to do now?"

"Well now that you're here, do you want to spar with kenjutsu?"

She groaned. "Nope. I'm still sore from yesterday."

"How are you sore?"

She leveled a glare at him "Not all of us can walk away from a 4 hour sword spar like it was nothing. Anyway, my muscles are sore, and my chakra levels are still low. So I'm not able to operate on optimal efficiency."

"So why are you even here?"

"Moral support."

Naruto laughed vocally at that remark. "You? Moral support? That's rich coming from the chick who just kneed my balls."

"I said I was sorry." She huffed.

Naruto laughed for a while longer. After it petered down, he asked "So what now?"

"Eisha's gone?"

"Mmhmm."

"Then it looks like training is over for today."

"Eh? But I have to train to get stronger to protect you and everyone else. I've also got to stop akatsuki and get Sasuke back. I can't take breaks!"

She gestured to the empty air around them. "Look and see all the people who give a fuck. I can't help you, and no one else can right now either. Thus, training is over."

Naruto looked up. The sun was still high in the sky. He sighed in defeat. "Okay, you win. What're we going to do now?"

"Well there is that princess Gale movie that just came out…"

"Koyuki's still acting?"

"Err, yeah. Why do you say her name like you know her?" the installation of the actress who had been under a pseudonym unto the throne of the now prospering Spring country had made a lot of waves in the shinobi world. Enough that the average shinobi at least had heard of it in passing.

"Because I do know her." He started walking out of the training ground and in the direction of Iwa proper. Kurotsuchi followed him.

"How do you know her?"

"It was my team that got her on the throne." He said boastfully.

"WHAT?! No way."

"If you ever get back to Konoha, ask anyone. They'll all say the same thing."

"I don't believe it. Not for a second."

"It's not right to ignore the truth."

"It's not right to lie with a bold face."

"I never lie, my beautiful wife."

She blushed and looked away again. It was fun messing with her. It was fun being with her. It was fun talking to her. It wasn't really fun getting physically abused, but he now knew that he just had to stay out of legs reach with her.

Naruto looked at her blushing face once again with a wistful expression. Maybe a relationship would be kind of nice. He shook his head to get rid of those thoughts. Whatever happened, happened.

The walk to the theatre was very pleasant to both of them. They both talked a little about their childhoods and what they had been doing recently.

Kurotsuchi had been taught proper etiquette and how to appear to the common populace in order to provide the appearance of the 'perfect royal child'. She wasn't really royal, but she might as well have been, and because her grandfather was someone who had the dust release, she had a lot of expectations running on her to survive to child-bearing age. Nobody had flat out told her that, but it was an unspoken expectation.

Their conversation had provided her insight on his childhood as well. She wasn't able to completely empathize with his situation, but she did know the pain of being expected to do or be something because of being in a situation that she had no control over.

She also got quite the round of laughter when he told her about his trip to Kumo, or more specifically, his fiasco of a date with Samui. Naruto got embarrassed, but was capable of laughing at it as well. Hindsight allowed people to do that.

Most of her days back had either been spent resting to get back on her feet from her debilitating injury, or training with her sword and quicklime jutsu, which shocked Naruto to know that she was a kekai genkai holder.

The movie was long, even by industry standards. Naruto had sat still the entire time through in rapt attention, and Kurotsuchi did her best to not burst out laughing at every other scene.

Needless to say, after they walked out of the theatre, they had conflicting views of it.

"That movie was soooo stupid." Kurotsuchi started out.

"What? How can you say that? It was soo awesome.'

Kurotsuchi laughed a little bit at that. "Oh really? _Quick Sadahama! Use your rainbow jutsu so stop Kikaru! _I wanted to laugh so hard when I heard that."

"What was so funny about that?"

She looked at him unbelievingly. "Really? You don't find _rainbow jutsu_ weird in the slightest?"

Naruto crossed his arms and huffed in annoyance. "You just had to have watched the others to get it."

"Nah. That movie was stupid. It had good acting, but it was stupid."

Naruto conceded to that point.

Kurotsuchi took note of the sun's position. It was a few hours away from hitting the horizon, but she was still stricken with a good idea.

"Wait! Before we go home, I have to show you something cool." Kurotsuchi did an immediate 180, and headed in the direction of the mountains that bordered the village to the east with Naruto in tow.

The walk towards the ranges descended into a comfortable silence due to the fact that Kurotsuchi was too busy navigating to be of much use conversationally. When they reached the base of the mountain, Naruto noticed a long and narrow staircase that went directly up the range. Kurotsuchi made for the staircase and Naruto almost questioned why they weren't wall walking up it, but came to the correct conclusion that Kurotsuchi must still be too drained of chakra to do much in that regard.

The stairs went a really long way up. Like, almost halfway up the mountain. Then there was an uneven path that went up even higher.

The uneven path eventually made it towards an outcropping of grayish stone that jutted out suddenly from the mountain side. The stone was artificially smoothed over on the top, for, he assumed, a better place to sit on. He knelt down to feel the strange gray stone that was out of place on the brown mountain, and came to the conclusion that it was actually cement.

Kurotsuchi sat down at the edge of the outcropping of stone and slowly undid the bandages that hid her hair from view. Naruto sat down next to her and asked "Why're you taking them off?"

"They're really uncomfortable, and nobody's here right now."

Naruto nodded. "So how was this all made?"

"Oh! I never told you what quicklime is, did I?"

Naruto shook his head.

"Well it's got to be the coolest kekai genkai in existence." Naruto looked doubtful at the claim, but allowed her to continue. "Quicklime is a corrosive powder, that when mixed with water, turns into instant cement. What makes it really cool is that it can be used as an attack, supplementary, and defensive technique. It also can't be affected by lighting jutsu because it's a mix of earth chakra, fire chakra, and water chakra." Naruto didn't know that lighting had adverse effects on earth based ninjutsu, so he filed that certain tidbit of information away. "So because I've got lava release, I can make outcroppings like this anywhere I go." She said with a smug look on her face.

Naruto sweatdropped. "Can't you do that with regular earth release?"

"Earth release isn't this comfy. It also crumbles away eventually when the chakra supporting it goes away. But since quicklime and water is a chemical reaction instead of a chakra reaction, it stays for days."

The sun was getting lower and lower on the horizon as they spoke. The sky quickly turned into a patchwork of different colors intermingling, changing, and interacting with the clouds in the sky. They both turned to look at the beautiful sunset.

The vantage point also gave them the perfect view of the village below them as the residential area turned different shades of pink and orange along with the sunset. It was a sight that rendered Naruto speechless.

"Listen Naruto…" Kurotsuchi started out.

He turned to look at her, but she wasn't able to make eye contact. "I kind of…" she seemed to be having internal conflict and deliberations about what she was about to say.

Suddenly bringing her head up to meet his gaze, she all but shouted out "I like you!"

Naruto blinked in surprise. "You… like me?"

She turned a healthy shade of red and quickly broke the eye contact. "You just… you piss me off a lot. You know that? You say things that get me embarrassed, you dyed my hair pink, and you crawled into bed with me without my consent." She paused, but looked like she was going to go on, so Naruto didn't interrupt her. "But you're the only person that I can prank, that I can call shithead, that I can talk to or go see a movie with. You're the only person who understands me" she reengaged eye contact. "And you're the only person that I like."

Naruto didn't know how any sort of relationship like theirs was going to succeed. He didn't know if it was a good idea to go along with it. He didn't know if she was right for him. But he did know one thing.

"I like you too."

At this point, they both had bright vermillion blushes. Naruto brought a hand to the back of his head as a sign of nervousness. "So what now?" he asked.

"Well… now we…." She leaned in closer to him with her lips slightly parted. Understanding the situation, Naruto leaned in as well until their lips met.

It was a chaste kiss at first, and after a few seconds, they pulled away from each other to look into each other's eyes.

Then they leaned in forward for another kiss.

Then another.

Then another.

Truthfully, Kurotsuchi hadn't planned on confessing to him at that particular point, and her only objective was to show Naruto the sunset. But the situation was perfect enough that her body began to speak before her mind could catch up to it.

But that didn't matter right now, because he liked her back.

Her lips felt soft against his and his lips felt soft against hers. The only thing that they could find anything to care about at that point was the person that they were kissing. All other things took a back burner for the moment.

Right now, Orochimaru didn't matter, Sasuke didn't matter, the whole akatsuki didn't matter, the whole world didn't matter to them.

The only thing that mattered to them, was them.

They remained locked in that embrace until well after the sun had finally set.


	20. the mist opportunities

Chapter 20

Mei is scary.

She's really fucking scary.

When Naruto met her for the first time, he found her countenance slightly disarming. She was always smiling and yet still somehow capable of showing her different emotions through the emotionally limiting facial expression.

But now he realized that that was the face that she put on when she was being a gracious diplomat to Konoha in order to foster future relations.

Now that she was in her element, namely being the commander in chief of a small army, he truly found out what fear tasted like.

As it was, he would be found in a larger sized tent, surrounded by shinobi who were no less than jonin level in strength, as they all argued and bickered over which higher up they could kill to produce the largest dip in strength in the hidden mist. At the head of it stood Mei. Gone was her carefree and slightly disarming smile, and in its place was a cold stare and perpetual frown marring her face.

Naruto wasn't capable of producing anything in the realm of discussion, nor was he capable of saying anything that might be insightful, nor was he capable of fighting whenever she sent out a platoon on a strategic mission. The only thing that he could do was to sit still and look exactly like the product of a diplomatic marriage. It was a strange feeling knowing that he wasn't able to do anything other than smile and respond courteously whenever someone addressed him.

There was a sudden lull in conversation. Apparently they all agreed on who to kill next and who would be the best to carry out the assassination. All the shinobi in the tent started to file out with the exception of Mei and Naruto.

Naruto leaned back and sighed in utter boredom.

Mei put on her creepily smiling visage once again. "What's wrong hubby?"

Naruto eyed her warily. From the small amount of time that they interacted with each other, he concluded that he never knew how she was going to react once she smiled like that. "Nothing. It's just kind of boring not being allowed to do anything."

"Well, I've got some free time. Want to train?" Mei knew that his main concern was getting stronger to obtain his goals, so she decided to help out in that regard. She was also aware that all her shinobi were running round like chickens with their heads cut off at the moment and nobody could be spared to help him.

"Hmmm… you know any kenjutsu?"

"You practice swordsmanship?"

He tapped the sword that was belted to his waist.

"Anyone can carry a sword around. Do you honestly wish to practice and become a shinobi known for his swordsmanship skills?"

Naruto eyed her warily once again. She sounded like she had something in mind with him. "I don't plan on getting good at kenjutsu to be known for kenjutsu. I just want to do it become stronger, so I can protect the people precious to me."

Mei nodded in understanding. She got up and walked the back of the tent and picked up a modestly sized storage scroll. Unrolling it on the table, she unsealed its contents, which turned out to be three very strangely shaped… things. "These" she gestured to the things that spanned the table "Are the 3 legendary swords of the seven swordsmen that we currently have with us."

Naruto immediately gave the swords the attention that their merit deserved. "Wait. So these are like the sword that Zabuza carried with him?"

Mei's face turned serious once again. "What do you know about Zabuza?" she asked severely

Naruto froze. Her suddenly changing from one demeanor to another was one thing, but the severity that she looked and addressed him with was slightly difficult to put into words. The only thing that he knew for sure was that he did not want anything to do with it. "He's dead." Naruto said quickly.

She sighed, sat down at the table, and adopted a dismal countenance. "I should have known. It's been months since he last reported in after all." She said with a tone that matched her countenance.

"Did you know him?" Naruto ventured.

"Know him? He was the main source of capital for the rebellion!"

Oh right. Zabuza said something about only taking the bridge job to raise money for the movement. "I'm sorry for your loss." Naruto said quietly.

She waved him off. "Don't worry about it, I never really like him much. You sound like you knew him, do you know how he died?"

Naruto nervously scratched the back of his head. "Well… he was on a job to make sure that a bridge was never finished, and my team was put on a job to make sure a bridge did get finished…"

Mei understood the hidden meaning in his words with little difficulty. "You killed him?"

Naruto waved his arms in front of him furiously "NO. It was my sensei. Well, not even him. A bunch of mercenaries banded up on him when he couldn't move his arms."

She leaned back and sighed explosively. After a moment of silence, she asked "Do you have the sword at least?"

"It's at his grave."

"… I'll go have a team of genin shinobi retrieve it."

"But…"

She looked at him sternly. Naruto respected Zabuza. He didn't particularly enjoy being in the presence of the demon of the hidden mist, but he did believe that Zabuza should at least have his sword with him in the afterlife. However, the rebellion's army and standing force was small. It was mainly composed of jonin and chunin with kekai genkai, a few clans that put their full support behind the rebellion, and a few high ranking normal shinobi who took up arms for a fight for justice. So even Naruto knew about their need for military clout and moral support.

"Never mind." He said dutifully.

She nodded. "So, like I was saying before we got off on that tangent" he noticed that she had her disarming smile back on her face "These are the 3 blades of the seven swordsmen that we have in our possession. Obviously there are 4 more, but they're taken by Chojuro, Raiga Kurosuki, Kisame Hoshigaki, and the now deceased Zabuza Momochi."

"So you're letting me take one?" Naruto said with eyes wide. Even if he hadn't heard of the seven swordsmen before meeting Zabuza, he now knew of the great strength that they all possessed and was honored that he was being chosen to be given one such sword.

"Nope." She said with her still smiling visage.

Naruto's heart sank quite a bit. "Then why are you showing me these?" he whined out.

"Because these aren't just swords, they're semi-sentient beings. Some more so than others, but any one of these swords would reject you if they didn't like you. I only brought them out to see if any of them liked you enough that they would imprint on you. But that usually never happens."

Naruto wasn't quite as enthused at the prospect of being teamed up with a semi-sentient blade. "So they're alive?"

"Nope. There's only one blade that could be truly considered alive, and that's samehada, wielded by Kisame. The semi-sentience part only comes into play when one of the swords 'believes' that they would be best used by the person that touches them. They all require an extremely particular mindset and fighting style, so they almost never choose people unless the master of the previous blade passes it onto an apprentice that they have taught the ins and outs to."

Naruto nodded in appreciation. "So how were these things made?"

She laughed sheepishly. "We don't really know. They've been associated with the land of water for so long that we lost the records about their origins. But a lot of people suggest that the sage of the six paths created them."

Naruto trepidatiously approached the swords. There was a 'sword' that practically consisted of a large scroll and a sharpened slab of metal poking out of it. "What now?" Naruto asked.

"Just touch it. You'll know if it accepts you."

He did as was instructed, but couldn't feel anything special happen in any sort of way. Naruto moved onto the next one, which was practically just a huge hammer chained to a huge axe. He was met with the same success as the first one.

The last one was probably the most 'sword-like' of the bunch. It was a double edged sword with a long blade attached to a long handle. The sword was straight, and tapered off gradually to a very sharp point, giving it an appearance of a needle. When Naruto touched it, something strange happened. He felt his chakra being drained into the blade. Well, it didn't feel like the sword was forcefully taking his chakra, more like it was _accepting_ it. His chakra felt like it was falling into the blade as opposed to the sword trying to selfishly take it away from him.

His reaction to having his chakra being accepted in the blade made Mei's eyes widen in surprise. The Nuibari had only one swordsman in all of Kiri's history. It was a strange blade, and it called for a fighting style that was so unique that no shinobi other than Kushimaru had been able to successfully implement it.

"Oh my god." Mei remarked silently.

Naruto picked up the sword. It was a long sword that reached about 4 and half feet in length. That was almost as tall as Naruto was. Despite its size, it was almost impossibly light, and the chakra that it accepted and was still accepting into it gave it a bright blue sheen.

He gave it a few experimental swings with both hands first, then one hand. It could be successfully implemented either way.

Naruto gave Mei one of his patented foxy smiles "I like it."

Mei was dumbfounded. The showing of the swords to Naruto had only been an experiment, an impossibility, a one in a million chance of success. But the sword, for whatever reason, decided that it liked Naruto.

She got up silently and walked to the back of the tent and brought out an extremely dated scroll with the kanji for the name 'Kushimaru' on it. Handing it to Naruto, she said "These are the writings and teachings of Kushimaru Kuriarare. He never took an apprentice, so he wrote all that he learned about the sword down for any of the future generation."

Naruto nodded and took the scroll from Mei graciously. Looks like he had a sensei in the form of written teachings from a dead guy.

Just what he needed to spend the week with.

"I have got to go practice with this." Naruto said, still staring at the sword in silence. Looking up at Mei, he said "Thanks so much for this honor." And promptly bowed in front of her. After doing what the situation socially called for, he sped out of the tent in search of a clearing that he could use to practice his newfound sword.

"Be careful!" she shouted out at after her husband.

00000000

Somewhere in Tsuchi no kuni

"Grrhn" Kisame grunted under the weight that was pressed against his back.

He and his partner were taking a leisurely walk through a non-descript canyon on the borders of Tsuchi no kuni. Itachi seemed to be enjoying walking around and just taking in the scenery, but Kisame wasn't very keen to it at the moment. This mostly had to do with the giant object that he was carrying in conjunction with Samehada on his back.

The giant fish man glared at Itachi. "Why am I carrying this guy?" he asked laboriously.

"Because you are more physically imposing." Itachi said plainly.

Kisame stopped to reposition the man on his back so he could better carry him. "I get that. But can't we distribute the weight between us?"

"And how do you propose to do that?" Itachi said with no emotion present in his voice.

"I don't know. Aren't we supposed to be shinobi? Shinobi are resourceful!"

"You didn't answer my question."

Kisame sighed. "Why don't we… create a sling out of ninja wire and carry him together?"

"I don't have any ninja wire."

Neither did Kisame.

"Why don't we… summon some animals to carry him for us?"

"I'm not sure if ravens are the best at carrying large and imposing men."

Neither were sharks for that matter.

Kisame was getting peeved at this point. "Can't you just hypnotize him into walking himself?"

"He has to be conscious first for it take effect."

The man that Kisame was holding on his back was almost as large as Kisame himself. But what really made him difficult to carry was the ruby red furnace armor that he was sporting. Itachi eyed him blankly "Why don't you take off his armor?"

Kisame grinned humorlessly. "You haven't fought anyone who used furnace armor before, have you?"

Itachi was silent.

"They're usually rigged to explode whenever they come off. This guy's heavy, but I'm fairly certain that we need him alive."

Itachi nodded.

"How much longer to HQ?"

"About 10 more miles."

"AAAaaahhhheaauooouuuuaaahh." Kisame groaned out loudly. They had barely made it half a mile at that point.

This was not going to be a fun trip for Kisame.

00000000

Somewhere in the Land of Water

Naruto's eyelids were getting progressively wider the more and more he read into Kushimaru's scroll.

The Nuibari was a strange device. It was shaped like a sword and could be used in close quarter encounters, but its main use was that of a long-range throwing weapon. He hadn't noticed it before, but there was a hole at the pommel of the weapon that ninja wire spewed out of and could be tied to. Through a series of different applications of chakra to various points on the blade, the wire would either retract or extend further, allowing for someone to throw their main weapon at a person and have their weapon back in their hand with no inconvenience.

The scroll listed a myriad of ways that the weapon could be used and manipulated as a projectile, yet there was little to no mention of anything that had to do with close quarters. As mentioned before, Naruto considered himself a close-range shinobi, but the way that Mei had described the 'sword selection process' made it sound like the sword only felt like it could be implemented to its full potential by Naruto. This, logically, led Naruto to believe that he would be a natural at throwing the weapon around like it was supposed to be.

After carefully reading into the scroll about how to throw the weapon, where to push his chakra into to retract or extend the wire, and how to retrieve the sword in mid-air, he positioned himself in front of a tree, with one behind him as well.

Cocking his arm back like one would expect a javelinier, Naruto let the Nuibari fly at the tree undeterred. To his astonishment, the sword pierced directly through the tree and out the other side with very little sound of impact upon the large trunk. Bracing himself, he got a good grip on the wire that he was holding onto, and pushed his chakra into the wire in such a way that it traveled to the sword and instructed it to wind the wire back into itself.

The sword quickly came to the tree and back through the hole that Naruto made, but he accidentally made it wind the wire back into itself too fast. This resulted in a speeding and rapidly twirling Nuibari flying in the air at Naruto.

Crouching down quickly to avoid the likelihood of being impaled, he heard a soft thunk emanating directly to the side of his ear. Slowly turning his head to the side, he saw the Nuibari impaling the tree that he was standing behind at an awkward angle.

Naruto's heart was racing. He breathed heavily and fell to the ground on his ass. There was a drip of blood slowly falling down the edge of the Nuibari's blade. Raising a hand to his head, Naruto discovered that there was a small cut on his earlobe. It wasn't particularly deep, barely enough to even draw blood, but Naruto was freaked out greatly at the prospect that he nearly brained himself by training with the sword.

There was a rustling of leaves to his side. After turning his head to face the person who was making the rustling, his eyes widened in surprise at the perpetrator of the sounds.

"Heya brat. How's it going?" Jiraya said with a grin and a small wave.

Still on the ground, Naruto merely raised a hand to greet the perverted man.

Walking up the downed Naruto, he took stock of the situation. "Almost brain yourself?"

Naruto nodded.

"That the Nuibari?"

Naruto nodded.

'No sign of emotion on his face. Weird breathing patterns. Only vaguely aware of what's happening around him. Yup, he's in shock alright.'

Shock is a disorder that refers to the mentally traumatic symptom 'Acute stress reaction.' Shock occurs in a person whenever an emotionally or physically traumatic thing happens to them. It's a strange psychological disorder that when untreated could develop into far more severe forms of mental disorders such as PTSD. Along with that, it's also very difficult to treat with anything other than long term exposure to therapy.

Jiraya didn't have that time. so he opted to walk over to the downed Naruto, grab him by the shoulders, drag him up on his feet, and proceed to backslap him with a "Snap out of it" yelled at him for extra measure.

Never let it be said that slapping someone who's in shock to snap them out of it is a good idea. That being said, it had an immediate positive reaction on Naruto. Catching himself before he fell to the ground, Naruto righted himself and yelled at his godfather. "What was that for!?"

Jiraya placed both hands on his shoulders and said slowly "Are. You. Alright?"

Naruto nodded with a pout on his face.

Jiraya got up and said "Great. Now would you mind telling me how you managed to almost kill yourself?"

"I was training." Naruto said succinctly.

Jiraya deadpanned.

"Why are you here anyway? I thought that you had a spy network or something."

"Well considering that we're now allies with the rebels of the hidden mist, I thought it would be a good idea to share information while I had the free time. Then they told me that you got here this morning and that you were training in the woods with your new sword. So I thought it'd be a good idea to check up on you."

"Well… thanks I guess."

"Don't worry about it brat. So have you gotten anywhere in your bijuu training?"

Naruto looked at him strangely. "Bijuu training?"

Jiraya deadpanned once again. "Yeah, your bijuu training. The whole reason that you're on this training circuit is to properly learn how to control the Kyuubi's power."

"Well nobody told me that!"

Jiraya sighed audibly and muttered "I'm going to have to talk to someone about this" under his breath. Looking back at Naruto he asked "So if you're not training with the Kyuubi, then what have you learned so far?"

"Well… they taught me some kenjutsu in Kumo. Fu taught me some survival techniques and taijutsu. I learned this cool jutsu called** "earth walking"** in Iwa. And now I just got the Nuibari here, but it's going to be hard to train with." Naruto said dismally, remembering how he almost killed himself not moments before.

"Why don't you just use shadow clones?" Jiraya asked.

"Huh?"

"Why don't you use your shadow clones to you help you train with something that's potentially lethal?"

"How would that help?"

Jiraya looked at Naruto in disbelief. "Didn't Kakashi tell you about what shadow clones are?"

"I _know_ what shadow clones are."

"But do you know how to use them."

"I put my hands into a cross seal-"

"No" Jiraya interrupted. "I'm not asking if you know how to physically do the **"shadow clone"** technique. I'm asking if you know how to use them to their fullest extent."

Naruto was getting confused at that point. "I make them… and they help me fight?"

Jiraya pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Okay kid. I'm going to tell you all about shadow clones, so you better listen closely."

Naruto nodded attentively.

"The shadow clone technique is technically called a kinjutsu because when creating multiple clones, your chakra is split up evenly amongst all of them, allowing for you to die quickly of chakra exhaustion if you overstep your bounds."

"I know this already." Naruto interrupted.

"Shut up kid, I'm not done. Even though it's labelled as a kinjutsu, practically every jonin in Konoha and their dog knows the jutsu because it's just so damn useful. Everything that the clone experiences, you experience as well. Making it the ideal spying technique as well as the ideal training technique."

"I don't… get it." Naruto said with narrowed eyes.

Jiraya had been expecting this. "Since your shadow clone is made up of, and operates on, your chakra; once that chakra is returned to you when the clone dispels, you retain all the memories that they got in their lifespan. So if you sent a shadow clone to go spy on someone, even if they noticed that they were being spied on, they wouldn't be able to do anything about it because if they dispel your clone, all the intel that the clone managed to get would still get to you." Jiraya said slowly.

Naruto nodded his head. "I think I get it… but what does that have to do with training?"

"Everything that your clone learns get transferred to you. So if your clone accidentally brained himself, you would get all the knowledge of how not to brain yourself with all the perks of not being brained."

'Honestly, why didn't Kakashi tell him about that aspect of the shadow clone?' Jiraya thought mentally.

"Oh… OH! That's so cool!" Naruto immediately made a shadow clone and instructed it to go train with the Nuibari. The clone gave off a salute, grabbed the Nuibari, and ran away from the two of them so that they wouldn't get in harm's way of the needle blade.

Once a decent amount of time had passed in silence, Jiraya broached a new subject. "So kid, how's the whole 'wives' situation going?"

"W-What do you mean by that?" he asked with a light blush on his face.

He adopted a perverted demeanor. "Come on brat. _Something_ must have happened." Jiraya implied suggestively.

Naruto's pervasive blush told Jiraya all he needed to know.

Jiraya sidled up to his student. "Something _did_ happen."

"I-I guess." Naruto said bashfully.

Jiraya's eyebrows began to wiggle furiously.

Naruto sighed explosively. "Me and Kurotsuchi got together."

Jiraya's eyebrows ceased their wiggling. "What? The one from Iwa?"

"Yeah."

"And…"

"And what?"

"How far have you two gotten?"

Naruto blushed again and didn't answer.

"Oh come one kid. You can tell me."

"We've kissed."

Jiraya gave him a thumbs up. "Nice one kid. Only a week in and you've already got one of your wives head over heels in love for you."

"She doesn't love me!" Naruto said quickly and without thinking.

Jiraya quirked an eyebrow in confusion.

"I-I mean. We like each other… but I just… I don't… we don't…" Naruto was having a hard time putting what he was feeling into words.

Jiraya clapped a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Don't worry kid, I was only teasing."

"I-I mean. I like her. I _really _like her. But…" Naruto trailed off.

"Love's a strong word?" Jiraya ventured.

"Yeah, I guess."

Jiraya chuckled a bit. "So my boy has finally started dating a girl. I'm so proud of him. Albeit, it took him getting married for it to happen, but I'm proud nonetheless."

Naruto chuckled a bit too. "Thanks pervy-sage."

"So how're your other wives doing?"

"Well… me and Yugito had a bit of a situation, but it's alright now."

"Situation?"

"Don't ask. Fu… well she's kind of crazy. But she's still nice, and she's getting more friends back at Taki."

"That's good. I imagine that she didn't have the best of childhoods, with her being a Jinchuuriki and all."

"No she didn't. It's getting better though. Kurotsuchi and I started going out."

"Any other details you wanna share with me about that?" Jiraya asked with a perverted leer.

"Even if I did, I wouldn't share them with you." Naruto said vindictively.

"Alright, alright. Buzzkill"

"I haven't been to Sand yet, so I don't know how Temari is. And Mei…"

"Yes?" Jiraya asked in great anticipation.

"I don't really know her, and I also haven't really interacted with her. So I don't know how she is."

"Well hers is the most 'diplomatic' of all the marriages, so I can see why you don't really know her."

Naruto nodded in agreement.

Jiraya got down on one knee to look at Naruto in the eye. "I'm on a limited time schedule, so I don't have much time to talk. That being said, I do need to give you something now that you've started dating." Jiraya's tone of voice was severe and serious, the same could be said for the look on his face. The perverted sage put on hand in his coat and brought out a book that read 'icha-icha tactics'.

Naruto knew what the book contained based on his interactions with Kakashi. But before he was able to voice his complaints, Jiraya shushed him. "I know that you don't like perverts, but that being said, there is absolutely _nothing_ wrong with feeling perverted feelings. _Everyone_ has some somewhere inside themselves. Now that you've started dating Kurotsuchi, you're going to start feeling some of those feelings. _This_" he gestured to the pornographic material "Is an outlet for those feelings to go through without you and Kurotsuchi doing something that could hurt either your relationship or the treaty."

Whenever Jiraya would try and convert Naruto into a pervert in the past, he always did so jokingly. This time however, he seemed completely serious in every way. Knowing that he was serious didn't stop Naruto from taking the book with huge amounts of trepidation.

Jiraya seemed to hesitate with saying the next part. "Last thing kid. With your training circuit and my spying network, I don't know when I'll have the time to see you next. So I'm going to say what I need to say right now." Naruto nodded in agreement. "When you and Kurotsuchi's relationship gets stronger and stronger, you're eventually going to want to have sex with her. When that happens and you want to make the next step, make sure that she is as ready for it as you are, and don't forget to use the contraception jutsu."

Naruto was flabbergasted. "Eehh? But I'm 13. I don-"

Jiraya held up his hand to silence Naruto. "Like I said. I don't know when I'm going to be able to see you next, so I thought it'd a good idea for you to hear this now as opposed to never." With that, Jiraya rose up from his spot of kneeling next to Naruto on the ground.

"I know that you're going to become a great shinobi if you keep on working at it. Just make sure that you keep in mind what I said about Kurotsuchi. It's one thing to train yourself into the ground in an effort to get stronger, it's a whole other thing to even try to understand how a woman feels."

"Erm, thanks I guess." Naruto said to the pervert, still not extremely comfortable with the prospect of sexual intercourse at that moment in time.

Jiraya departed from the woods, leaving Naruto in deep thought. Before he could crack open the book to see what's inside it, he winced in pain. The clone that he had sent off had managed to stab itself in the gut with the Nuibari. Naruto pocketed the book and went back to training.

00000000

8 hours later

Mei was starting to get worried.

It was once the sun had set and she still had seen neither hide nor hair of her newly wed husband that she started to wonder whether or not she should have sent someone along with Naruto to make sure that he'd be alright. The Nuibari was an extremely dangerous ninja weapon that was difficult to use, let alone master or train with. But until that point, she had been contented with the knowledge that the sword had chosen Naruto for a reason.

If he was severely injured or even managed to kill himself, there would be hell to pay with the Kiri rebels.

The tent that she was in was no larger or smaller than the average Kiri rebel tent. After all, sleeping in a tent that was twice as large as all the other tents would be a good tip off that someone important was using it as their temporary domicile. The contents differed very little from the common tent as well, but this had more to do with ease of transportation should they receive knowledge that they had to leave immediately. Inside the tent was a twin, folding bed; a plastic, folding table; and a sparse 'kitchen' area. The rebels were roughing it for sure.

Mei was about to get up and search for him herself when the object of her thoughts stumbled through the tent flap. Upon seeing her, he let out a relieved sigh "So this is where your tent is. I kept on asking directions for it, but I kept on getting lost."

Mei was very relieved that her husband was alive, but made sure to not let it show on her face. "So how was training?" she asked with her usual smile.

Naruto stretched out his sore muscles. "Exhausting."

"Mmm? How so?" he didn't seem all too tired.

"It was more… mentally exhausting that anything else." Naruto started looking around the area with a little bit of confusion.

"How is training with a sword mentally exhausting?"

"I had to use shadow clones because it was too dangerous – hey, is there someplace that I can change in privacy?" Naruto said, changing the subject.

"Hmmm, nope. These tents are built for one." Mei said with a smirk.

"Can I have my own?"

"A lot of people are sharing tents as it is. It also wouldn't send a very good message to the rebellion if its leader and her husband slept in different areas."

"Yeah yeah. One bed then?"

"Mmhmm."

He sighed in acceptance. "Can you not look for a second? I need to get in my pajamas."

"You wear pajamas to bed?"

"You don't?"

"I prefer to sleep in the buff."

Naruto sweatdropped. "I'd feel a lot more comfortable if you wore something to bed."

"Awww. Does my husband not like my body?" she asked playfully.

"It's not that. I just have a girlfriend, and I'm really sure that she wouldn't appreciate me sleeping with a naked woman."

Her facial expression went from playful to serious in a nanosecond. "Girlfriend? You do know that if you date outside your wives that you'll put this treaty in jeopardy, right? I don't mean to sound cut-throat about this, but the rebellion needs all the help from the nations as it can get-"

Naruto held up a hand to stop her from continuing to speak. "It's fine. Her name is Kurotsuchi and she's my wife from Iwa."

Mei's face morphed back from seriousness into playfulness. "So you _are_ okay with starting relationships with your wives. How incredibly bold of you."

"I-It's not all of them. Just her."

"What about the rest of your wives then? Now that we're married, you're the only person that I can have relations with."

Truthfully, Naruto hadn't really thought about that aspect of the joint marriage very much. "I'll deal with that problem when it's a problem. Not when it isn't. Now can you please turn around?" at that point, Naruto didn't want to think about any of that existential crap due his tiredness.

She turned her head away from him and started to undress as well. Noting that she was probably getting ready for bed too, he turned away from her and got out his pajamas from one of his scrolls.

When he was all dressed up for bed, Naruto asked "You done yet?" without turning around. After a moment of shuffling, she hummed a positive.

He turned around to see her in her undergarments. After averting his gaze, he asked "Really?"

"What? It's something."

"Yeah yeah." Although Naruto felt as though he could argue with her well into the night about the appropriateness of wearing underwear to bed with a person half her age and not yet sexually mature, he was far too tired to do so.

The bed, as mentioned before, was twin sized. It would definitely need both occupants to cuddle in some way in order to fit them both. "Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?" Naruto asked nonchalantly.

Mei quirked an eyebrow. "For someone with a girlfriend, you don't sound very conflicted about sleeping in the same bed with another woman."

Naruto yawned. "It's just sleep."

"If it's just sleep, then why are you uncomfortable with sleeping with me in the buff?"

Naruto's eye twitched. "Okay. You want to sleep naked? Fine. I don't care anymore."

He walked over to the small bed and drew away the covers. "Big spoon or small spoon?" he repeated.

After a moment of deliberation, Mei replied with "Big." She opted to not get into her birthday suit, which Naruto was relieved about.

They got into bed with each other. Once they were all situated and comfortable, Naruto started to doze off into slumber.

With her arms wrapped around her torso, she sighed contently. "It's nice sharing a bed with someone."

Naruto was roused from his sleepy daze from her words. "Yeah it is."

Despite how late it was, Mei wasn't very tired. "Hey Naruto?"

"Mm?"

"You have a lot of… friends, right?"

"Yeah."

"What's… that like?" she asked in a moment of sincerity.

"Uhh… don't you have any friends?"

"Not really…"

"How can that be? You're so…"

"Yes?" she asked playfully.

"…Nice."

"Aww. Thanks sweety. But you do know why I'm the leader of the rebellion, don't you?"

Naruto's silence spoke for himself.

"I was born with two kekai genkai. Being born with once kekai genkai is rare enough in the shinobi world, but being born with two in almost impossible."

Naruto's eyes widened in surprise. "Two? Which ones?"

"Lava release and boil release. Anyway, since I was born with two very powerful kekai genkai, I was a shoe in for becoming the leader of the rebellion."

"Okay… how does this mean that you don't have any friends?"

"I don't know. I guess that people find it hard to befriend someone who's so high up on a pedestal?"

Naruto was silent for a while. "So you're alone?"

She sighed wistfully. "Yes. I suppose I am alone."

"I've… I've felt loneliness before. Actually, I've felt alone until just recently."

"Konoha doesn't like its Jinchuuriki?"

"No, I guess not. But finding a friend is like… it's like knowing that someone out there likes you, or hates you even. For me, friendship is when someone likes or hates you not because you have a demon in your gut, not because you have two kekai genkai, but when they do it because of you. The real you."

"And you have people like that in your life?"

"Yeah. The first person who recognized me for me, was my academy teacher. Then Sasuke-teme. Then Jii-san. It's nice knowing that someone sees you, for you."

"Hmm. I guess that I wouldn't know then."

Naruto didn't like that fact. "Mei?"

"Mmm?"

"I can't tell how you feel most of the time. I don't know why you switch from emotion to emotion so quickly or suddenly. I don't know why you're always teasing me. But I do know one thing."

"Oh?"

"You're nice. Even if you've been alone for a long time, you're nice. Even if you're the leader of the rebellion, you're nice. Even if you hold two kekai genkai, you're nice. I don't know a lot about you. But if you want to be my friend, I'd like to find out more." He said with a smile on his face.

Mei brought a hand up to his face and pinched his cheek. "Aww, my hubby says the nicest of things." She said in a playful tone.

While his cheek was still getting pinched, he asked "So?"

"So what?"

He swiped her hand away from his face and asked with a serious tone. "Do you want to be my friend?"

Mei was silent for a bit. Perhaps befriending her husband wouldn't be the worst of ideas. "I think I would like that. A lot." She giggled a little to herself. "Is this how you make all of your friends? Spooning with them in bed and giving a rousing and charismatic speech?"

Naruto giggled a little bit at that as well. "It wouldn't be the first time."

**AN/ thanks for all the people who gave good, well-thought reviews of my story. I've noticed a trend in the reviews stating that I should make the chapters longer, and after the next chapter I plan to do just that.**

**There's a lot of development here. Naruto gets the Nuibari. The akatsuki is proceeding with getting the tailed beasts. Jiraya comes by to give a speech about sex and perversions. And Naruto manages to befriend his wife from Kiri.**

**Tell me what you think about it. I've never read a story with Naruto getting the Nuibari, so I thought that I'd try it out.**

**gentlemankitsune: out.**


	21. the mist opportunities pt 2

Chapter 21

Naruto blearily opened up his eyes.

Sitting up from his position on the bed, he stretched his body out and let loose a wide, exaggerated yawn. After retaining that position for a satisfying few seconds, Naruto reached out to his side to find that Mei had left him alone in the tent.

Looking towards the only other piece of furniture in the tent, he found a note that read thusly:

_I have to report in to the commander's tent earlier than usual. You looked so peaceful as you slept that I didn't want to wake you up._

_I made some eggs for breakfast. Eat up and have a good day._

Indeed there was a small plate of scrambled eggs next to the note.

Naruto stretched out all the kinks from his system and got dressed for the day. It was kind of chilly out, which made Naruto weary of the fact that Yugito still had the upper part of his jumpsuit.

He sat down and started to scarf down the meal that Mei had cooked for him. Looking around, he found that the tent was strangely desolate. It was normally desolate, but to Naruto it was desolate of one thing in particular.

The Nuibari.

Eyes opening widely, Naruto started to visually search the room for any sign of the sword. He distinctly remembered coming into the tent with it in his hands at one point, but he couldn't for the life of him remember where he put it. Once he finished the meal of scrambled eggs, Naruto frantically searched the tent of anywhere that it might be hiding.

There was really only one other area that could theoretically hold the sword, and it wasn't there under the fold-out bed. The only conclusion that Naruto could make was that Mei had taken the sword with her for some reason. So he decided to seek her out at the commander's tent.

The commander's tent was easy to find because it was the only structure that differed in any way from the rest of the temporary domiciles. Naruto made a beeline straight for it, unknowingly getting strange looks from any of the rebels that happened to get a good look at his face.

The tent flaps were open, affording Naruto a view of what was happening inside. Mei was hunched over a map and surrounded by jonin level shinobi looking anxiously at her, waiting for her opinion on something no doubt. The Nuibari was directly in the middle of the table that they were sitting at, so Naruto decided to sneak over there and grab it while everyone's attention was directed towards something far more important.

Only that didn't go exactly as planned.

Once Naruto's hand had touched the hilt of the sword, Mei's head shot up to look at him with a piercing glare. Noticing that it was only her husband who was trying to touch the legendary sword, her glare lessened considerably.

"Hi honey." She said with an affable smile. By now all of the attention of the council of shinobi were directed toward him. "How's your morning been?"

Now that Naruto was put on the spot and getting mixed looks from a variety of powerful kekai genkai users, he got slightly nervous. "U-Uhh. Good? I was uhh… I was just getting the Nuibari."

"Oh yes!" Mei exclaimed with great exuberance. "We were just talking about that."

"Talking about what?"

"Well, I brought over the Nuibari so that I could show them" she gestured to the council "That it chose you. But some of them didn't believe me."

"I-It's not that." A nervous shinobi said from the side of the table. "We just find it strange that one of the legendary swords of the hidden mist chose your politically arranged husband from the hidden leaf as its new wielder."

"Well we'll just have to see about that, won't we? Naruto, if you'd please." Mei waved at the sword that he was still on the cusp of grabbing.

Sensing her desire, he picked up the sword by its handle and immediately felt his chakra being siphoned off into the blade. Although this time it didn't adopt a sheen of blue chakra around itself.

"It's happening." A rather portly shinobi said from the table.

"He's not just pushing chakra into it?" a kunoichi asked from his side.

"No. it's being siphoned off. I can sense it."

All of the ninja present gave him various appraising looks.

"So he really is its wielder."

"Isn't the Nuibari the most difficult to use out of all of them?"

"He must be related to a Kiri shinobi or something."

"Does he have any value as a military asset?"

Mei looked on with slight annoyance as the council members began to talk amongst themselves about the new development. Walking from her position at the head of the table and towards her husband got them all to immediately shut up.

"This." She said, clapping her hands on the shoulders of her husband. "Is my husband. His name is Naruto Uzumaki. He is a proud shinobi of the hidden leaf. He is also the new wielder of the legendary blade Nuibari. As far as I know, he has had no ties to Kirigakure before our union. He will work hard to perfect the techniques that were passed down to him by Kushimaru Kuriarare. But he will not work on any missions that might place him in any risk of harm."

"Hey" Naruto said in indignation.

Mei placed her index finger on his lips, effectively quieting him. "It's not that I don't think that you're strong enough, it's just because you're too important to not only the rebellion, but also to the rest of the elemental nations that I'm not going to even consider sending you out on potentially lethal situations."

Mei described the situation is a logical and fair way, but that didn't stop Naruto from pouting. "Okay." He said dejectedly.

"Good." Mei said with her usual smile.

Naruto began to pull away from her grip, but he was held firm in place.

"Mei? I need to go train."

"Okay honey, but come back for lunch."

"Yes ma'am." He tried to pull away again, but she still didn't let go.

"And don't stay out until nighttime."

"Okay." She still wouldn't loosen her grip.

"And be careful."

Naruto was able to twist out of her grip this time. "I'll be careful. I promise." He turned to run to the woods where he practiced the day before.

"Honey…"

Naruto turned around slowly with an exasperated look on his face.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

Naruto looked at the Nuibari that he was holding. Then back at her in confusion. Her arms were stretched out wide, sending the signal that she wanted a goodbye hug.

"Erm." Naruto walked over to her tentatively and encircled his arms around her waist. She bent down to pull him into a tight embrace. It was a warm hug. Not warm in the way that she was uncomfortably temperate, but in the way that she put genuine emotion behind the hug.

She pulled away from him, but only after giving him one final squeeze. "Have a good day honey." She said to him, beginning to walk back to her spot at the head of the table.

The last glimpse of her that he received before walking away from the tent was her face turning back from the carefree face and into a face that spoke of severity.

00000000

Somewhere around earth country

"UUhhgg. Where the fuck is this guy?!"

"Keep your voice down! You might start a rockslide."

Deidara levelled a glare at his partner. "That's only with avalanches. You can't create a rockslide using only your voice."

"You think I give a fuck? Shut your mouth, or I'll turn you into a true piece of art." Sasori retorted.

Deidara sighed into the palm of his hand. "For the last time, true art is a momentary glimpse of awe and splendor. Your little 'puppets' don't hold a candle to my true works of art."

Sasori shook his head. "Art is an expression that can be held for the future to look and behold for generations to come. Your little 'explosions' can't even compete-"

A rock shifted on a ledge to their left. They both leapt away from the ledge and into battle ready positions, ready to face any foe that might come their way.

Too bad for them that the foe that they were presented with was merely a mountain goat that was unlucky enough to meet two of the very few S-ranked ninja in the entire elemental nations.

Deidara smirked at Sasori's outer shell. "Looks like we're having goat for dinner tonight."

"I don't eat."

"Looks like I'm having goat for dinner tonight."

Despite Deidara's words, he didn't make any move to brutally kill the offending animal that was looking at the two of them with slow, wary eyes.

"Well?" Sasori growled out.

Deidara sweatdropped. "You got a kunai?"

"None that aren't poisoned."

"Well I can't exactly kill the thing with an explosion."

"Sounds like a _you_ problem."

"Well how am I going to kill it?"

"You're a shinobi. Punch it to death or something."

"That'd ruin the meat."

"Then snap its neck."

"That thing isn't going to let me near it."

Sasori looked at Deidara with emotionless, unfeeling eyes. "You're a shinobi. Shinobi are resourceful."

The mountain goat jumped away from the two of them while they were bickering over the ways to properly kill it. Deidara sweatdropped once again. "Sometimes I wonder about that, yeah."

Sasori began to walk in the direction that they were walking in at first. "Come on, we're losing daylight."

Deidara followed him. "Why are we looking for the four-tails again?"

"To seal it away." Sasori replied simply.

"Yeah, but why are _we_ looking for it? Our abilities aren't exactly tracking oriented."

"Zetsu looked into it. Apparently he's around here."

Incredulous, Deidara threw his arms around him to show off the ridge that they were walking on. "'Around here' is a pretty vague term."

"Complain if you want, but I'm not going to go against Leader-sama's orders."

"We've been at this for weeks! Yeah. How long are we going to keep at it?"

Sasori's interest was drawn to the sky. There was a hawk circling above them. "Not anymore. It would appear that one of the other squads got one."

Deidara too looked up at the circling bird and groaned pitifully. "Does that mean we have to go back? We're going to lose all our progress?"

"What progress? You said it yourself, we've only been wandering around a big ass mountain range for a few weeks with no signs of anybody being here. The only thing that happened in that time range is that you complained for days on end and were defeated by a mountain goat."

Deidara pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "I didn't get defeated by a mountain goat."

"A mountain goat walked up to you, you wanted to eat said mountain goat, the mountain goat got away. You were defeated by a mountain goat."

Deidara looked at Sasori with no small amount of ire. "I could have killed it if I wanted to."

"But you didn't. It got away. Now let's head back, it's a long ways away." Sasori immediately turned around to head in the direction opposite that he was facing.

"How far away are we from the nearest hide out? Yeah"

"About 50 miles."

Deidara groaned out loudly and started to complain.

If Sasori's eye could move it would have twitched violently. This was going to be a long trip for the both of them.

00000000

Rebel camp, surrounding forest

Despite the fact that Water country was situated on a large archipelago, there were still great amounts of sprawling forests situated in the island chains. These large forests are known for being temperate in nature and hosting large amounts of strange indigenous flora and fauna. As it was, walking around the twisting trees and looking for a clearing to train in was almost impossible.

Naruto had been lucky in finding a clearing to practice in the previous day. So because he didn't remember where the clearing was, he had to waste large amounts of man hours trying to find a suitable location to practice with the Nuibari.

The twitter of the birds in the trees was almost deafening to Naruto's ears. The variety of flora and fauna also attracted a large variety of birds and other animals to the forested areas as well.

Naruto stopped and looked about him. There was nothing as far as he could see, only trees, rocks, and roots were visible to him. He would probably have to scale a tree again in order to find the camp in time for lunch.

The sound of birds stopped suddenly. Even Naruto, as dense as he was, knew that when animals started behaving strangely for seemingly no reason, there was always a reason. He started looking around him for any sign of abnormality. It was a good thing that he did too, else he would have been crushed to a pulp by a falling tree trunk.

Dashing to the side of the falling trunk, he immediately shot back up and looked to the direction that it fell from to find a source. The tree that fell was tall and he only evaded the upper part of the tree, so as he looked to the source of the tree's destruction, he was only barely able to make out a faint blue-ish outline of a person.

"OI!" Naruto shouted at the blur. It was no use however as the birds once again began to chirp up a frenzy, drowning out his voice. Hopping up on the tree, Naruto made his way to the blur and soon was able to make out the person that the blur was composed.

It was that guy. The guy that came with Mei to Konoha when he first met her. His name was Cho-something.

"OI!" Naruto shouted once more when he reasonably close to the teen.

Chojuro started violently at the sound of Naruto yelling at him. Whipping around to face the sudden intruder, Chojuro sighed and sank to his knees in relief.

"Oh, it's just you Naruto-san." He huffed a few breathes of precious oxygen and forced himself up onto his legs once more. "You scared me."

"I scared you?! You scared me! This tree almost crushed me!" Naruto hopped down from the massive trunk to face his fellow swordsman.

Chojuro immediately adopted a nervous and apologetic demeanor. "I-I'm sorry Naruto-san. I thought that everybody was out on missions or down-time. I didn't think that there would be anybody else out here."

Naruto eyed Chojuro critically. The swordsman was so nervous that he wasn't able to properly face Naruto.

The blonde sighed in exasperation "It's fine." Naruto turned his gaze towards the base of the tree, which had been cut though halfway and left to fall over under its own weight. "What did you do to this thing?"

Chojuro brightened up a little at the change in subject. He brought to attention the giant sword on his back by grabbing it by both handles and hefting it out of its large holder. "I'm the wielder of the Hiramekarie. It's one of the swords of the seven swordsmen. I'm able to hold a lot of chakra in the blade and discharge all of it in one go to manipulate it in different structures. I used it to cut a gash in the tree and push it over."

"Wow. That's really cool." Naruto said with raised eyebrows. "Can you do it again?"

Chojuro rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Well, it takes a lot of chakra to manifest the item that I wish and… well… it's also really heavy." Chojuro replied nervously.

Naruto waved him off. "It's fine then." He looked around the field once more. It was wide and open, allowing for the perfect place to train in the use of his legendary sword. "You mind if I train here too?"

"Uuuhh sure. I'm just going to be doing some strength training and chakra expansion exercises. I hope that I don't get in your way."

Naruto created a clone and handed off the Nuibari to it. The clone ran off to the middle of the clearing with Kushimaru's scroll in tow in order to practice some of the exercises mentioned in it. "I'll join you then." Naruto said, hopping off the trunk to face Chojuro.

"But. Weren't you going to…" Chojuro trailed off and looked in the direction that the clone went off to.

"My shadow clone passes off all the knowledge that it gets in its lifespan to me once it dispels. Pretty cool right?" Naruto said boastfully.

"Er, yes I suppose. But wouldn't it make more sense to make a lot of clones and have them train all at once?"

"I… guess. Maybe, but for some reason the sword doesn't duplicate with the clones."

"Oh. I see."

"So what's your regimen?"

Chojuro adopted a sheepish look once more. "Well to start, I…"

00000000

2 hours later.

Naruto hit the ground with a small thud and didn't get up.

His chest was heaving, drawing in large amounts of air to sustain his body. Chojuro collapsed right next him, also heaving.

Naruto had something that most would rightfully call endurance. Endurance is a term used to describe an organism's ability to persevere under physical trauma under long periods of time. This does not mean that he is fast like Gai or Lee. This does not mean that he is agile like Anko or Yugito. And this does not mean that he is strong like Chojuro apparently was. This means that he is capable of operating and fighting under large amounts of pain, physical trauma, and hardship. But even he has a breaking point. The breaking point being extreme strength training.

Once Naruto was capable of breathing regularly, he rasped out. "Your training is really intense."

Chojuro sat up and calmed his breathing. "Thanks, I guess. You did a lot better than I thought you would. Do you train in strength very much?"

"Sometimes. Not much though."

"Huh? Must be your 'Uzumaki vitality' then."

"Uzumaki vitality? What's that mean?"

"You don't know about your clan?"

"My clan is special?"

"Well yes. We at the rebellion employ many shinobi who have a lot of different kekai genkai. Even though we don't have any with us, everyone knows about the Uzumaki clan."

Naruto sat up with great effort. "What's so special about the Uzumaki?"

"They don't have any kekai genkai per say, but nearly every single one is reputed to have lived much longer than the average person because of a reputed 'vitality' as well as having a large affinity towards any sort of sealing jutsu."

Naruto winced in phantom pain. Another one of his clones had managed to kill itself with the Nuibari. Naruto quickly spawned another one and it hobbled off in pursuit of the sword.

Chojuro watched it wander off with slight interest. "Why do you want to strength train anyway?"

"Huh?"

"Well, Kushimaru was reputed to have only been able to use the Nuibari to its fullest extent because his body was extremely thin, lanky, and agile. You won't gain very much ability in swordsmanship if you train in strength."

Naruto groaned out loudly and sank back to the ground. "Now you tell me?"

"I'm... sorry. I thought that you already knew."

"…You know any speed programs?"

"Sorry. The Hiramekarie is best utilized through a large amount of strength training. I don't know anyone who specialized in speed at the camp."

'Speed and agility huh? I'm going to have to talk to the Bushy Brows' for help on speed. For agility… I don't know.'

"Hey Chojuro?"

"Yes Naruto-san?"

"What's vitality mean?"

"it's… practically a synonym for endurance."

"So I'm able to fight for as long as I'm usually able to because I was born an Uzumaki?" Naruto asked with a slightly saddened tone. He always thought that his arguably best combat asset came from personal ability, not birth.

"You are only half Uzumaki if what Mei told the rebellion is accurate. I'm not sure how much of your vitality comes from birth and how much comes from your own willpower." This comment brightened up Naruto, if only slightly.

The sun peeked from the canopy to glare directly in Naruto's eye. It was almost directly above them, meaning that it was about noon-ish.

"You said that Kushimaru was able to use the Nuibari because he was so thin and lanky right? Does that mean that I won't be able to use it to its full potential?"

"… I don't know much about the Nuibari, but it's just the way he used it that made him renowned. There are a lot of body modification jutsus that can help make one thin and lanky, but those usually backfire immensely. I still doubt that the Nuibari would benefit from strength training, but perhaps you could make your own style of using it that compliments your body structure."

"What about you then?"

"What about me?"

"Well… you're not a 'big' guy. Your body structure isn't really suited to your sword much either right?"

"The Nuibari has only had one owner, so nobody knows much about how its best used. We only have Kushimaru on which to base our conceptions of it on. But the Hiramekarie's many users suggest that strength is the best way to go with it. So I'm going to continue with my strength training."

"Huh. Makes sense I guess." Naruto stood up and stretched his very sore muscles.

"So what are you going to do now?"

Naruto stretched his back far enough to the side that it popped several vertebra. "Mei said to come back for lunch."

"I see. Have a good lunch then."

"You wanna come too?"

"Uhm… no, I've packed a lunch." Chojuro took out a scroll and unsealed a bento.

"Cool. I'll see ya in a bit then." Naruto said, starting to walk off in the direction of where he presumed the camp was.

"You too." Chojuro called out after him

00000000

Half an hour later.

Naruto knew that there was something wrong with the tent that he shared with Mei, but didn't feel like venturing inside to find out what.

Directly outside of the tent stood the bed and the table with its assorted portable kitchenware on top. Meaning that something was going on in there that required enough room that all the things that propagated the tent had to be placed outside of it

"Anybody in there?" Naruto called out.

"Ah, Naruto." Came the muffled voice of Mei. "It's fine, come on inside."

"Err… okay…" Naruto hesitantly opened the flap of the tent to find Mei bathing in a large, circular hole in the ground that was filled up with steaming water.

"Mei!" Naruto cried indignantly, while covering his eyes.

"What? Close the flap, you're letting all the cold in." Mei said nonchalantly.

He dutifully stepped inside and let the flap close behind him. "Can you please stop doing things like this?" Naruto said, referring to her rather… open attitude when it came to her physicality.

"Things like what?" Mei asked playfully.

"Things like wanting to sleep in your underwear with me."

"I told you, I can't sleep comfortably any other way. And I'm the leader of the rebellion, I need my sleep."

Naruto sighed, still covering his eyes. "Or things like not announcing that you're bathing in our tent. How did you manage to do this anyway?"

"I used an earth jutsu to lower a cylindrical plot of earth downwards, then I filled it up with water from a Boil release jutsu."

"Boil release?"

"You might have heard it called corrosive release, or steam release. They're all the same thing."

"So that explains _how_ you did it, but _why_ did you?"

"Why did I what?"

"Why did you make a bath inside our tent!?"

"It's bath day."

"It's noon."

"This is my only free time… Okay, one sec." Naruto heard assorted splashing sounds come from Mei's direction. "I'm covered now"

He lowered his hand from his eyes. Indeed, Mei had covered herself with a towel from a small stack of them on the ledge to her back. "Come on in. the water's fine."

"I thought that I was coming over from training for lunch."

Mei also produced a bento box from the ledge behind her.

Naruto didn't feel very many qualms about bathing with another person. So long as she was covered, he didn't have a problem with it. But he still wanted to get back to training, so a bath in the middle of the day would be a rather moot point. "I can't, I've still got to go train after this."

"I thought that your shadow clone did all the training."

"Well… it does, but…"

Mei wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Naruto, you're training really hard. I can sense that. But a bath isn't going to hurt you, especially if you're not going to be working up a sweat for the rest of the day."

Naruto stewed in deliberation for a while longer before finally saying. "Fine. I guess it wouldn't hurt."

Mei smiled at him and tossed a towel in his direction, which he caught with little trouble. "Don't look." Naruto commanded.

Mei closed her eyes and turned her head to the side. After a bit of sounds of clothe running on skin, she heard Naruto tentatively dip his self into the warm water.

Mei opened her eyes to find Naruto sighing to himself as the warm water soothed his aching muscles and washed the scent of sweat away from him. Once a few moments of heated bliss passed for the married couple, Mei waded over with a sponge in hand. "Hey sweety, mind getting my back?"

Naruto looked at the sponge with a critical eye before taking it in hand and wading behind her. She unwound the towel from her back to allow Naruto access for sponging. Not knowing how hard to press the sponge into her back, he started out gently lathering her back first.

Mei started humming in contentment at the ministrations of her underage husband. Frowning, she said "You don't have to be so gentle."

Naruto took this as the affirmative to press the sponge harder into her back. Roughly sponging her back made her once again hum in pleasure. The humming made Naruto slightly uneasy, but he didn't stop so as to avoid an awkward confrontation.

He continued to slide the sponge on her back in an effort to thoroughly clean it. Her back was toned and muscled, completely devoid of any fat or unattractive quality. Her entire body, in fact, was toned and lean. It the body of a kunoichi whose job it was to maintain oneself physically. She was a very attractive woman. As he continued to scrub her back, he felt strange sensation in his nether regions. His phallus was swelling with blood in arousal. Naruto had gotten boners before, but never in such close physical contact with another person, making him very nervous and more than a little embarrassed.

"MMmmmm… I think that's fine. I'll do you now." Mei said, wrapping her towel once more around her back. Naruto nodded dully and passed the sponge off to her. Luckily enough, the water was misty from the natural minerals that came with boil release jutsu, so his arousal wasn't apparent to her.

He presented his back to her for scrubbing. She began to lather his back much like her did to her at first. Her gently using the sponge to scrape his back clean from sweat and grime had a pleasuring effect on him. Despite his aroused state, the pleasure that he felt from her ministrations were not erotic in nature. He didn't have anything to attribute the feeling to, but anyone with a parent would attribute the feeling to when their mother would rub their backs. It was relaxing.

Naruto felt his muscles lose their tension almost immediately as she continued to rub his back with the cleaning implement. His body let out a groan against his will.

"Having fun are we?" Mei said teasingly.

Naruto turned a dull red at the jab, before hesitantly asking "Hey Mei, is it wrong to feel…" Naruto trailed off, not finding the words to describe his feeling.

"Love?" Mei finished his sentence for him when he seemed incapable of finishing it himself. "Naruto, of course it's okay to love Kurotsuchi. I know that it may seem kind of overwhelming, but-"

"No, it's not that." Naruto interrupted her. "Is it just… is it wrong to feel…"

"Hatred?"

"No."

"Jealousy?"

"No."

"Lackadaisical?"

"What even is that? No."

Mei scrubbed away mindlessly at Naruto's back in thought at what Naruto could possibly be feeling. Figuring it out, she almost slapped her forehead out of her own stupidity. "Oh I know… You're feeling horny aren't you?"

Naruto turned an even duller red and started to splutter out refusals incoherently, but Mei quickly silenced him. "Of course it's okay to feel horny." She replied with slight enthusiasm.

"But- I just… I know that the pervy-sage said that it was okay, but…"

"Naruto… you're at an age where your hormones are starting to go wild in your body. Frankly, it would strange if you didn't feel horny every once and a while."

"But… what am I supposed to _do_ when I am horny?"

"Well, I'm not a proponent of casual sex, so I'd suggest that you masturbate to abate your lust."

"Well... what about now?"

Mei's eyes grew extremely wide in surprise. "You want to masturbate now? I don't know if-"

"NO." Naruto said quickly. "I mean… if I'm horny now, then does that mean that I don't actually like Kurotsuchi?" Naruto asked quietly.

Mei lightly bonked Naruto on the head. "Of course not. Arousal is an out of mind experience. So just because you feel arousal at another person, it doesn't mean that you're in love with that person, or not in love with another."

It felt strangely comforting to Naruto the way that Mei explained sexual feeling towards him. Despite what Jiraya said to Naruto about the subject, it didn't impact him the way the way that Mei's words did. She was a comforting presence beside Naruto, it felt to Naruto like he could to talk to her in faith about things that he was confused about. Unknown to him, she was starting to fill a sort of pseudo-mother role to him.

"Thanks Mei." Naruto said in relief.

"For what?"

"For talking to me about this kind of stuff."

"It's fine. After all," she peered around his back to look at him straight in the eye with a smile on her face. "We're friends right?"

He smiled back at her in response. "Yeah. We're friends."

Mei waded over to her original position at the ledge and grabbed the bento box. As she swam over, she took off the lid and tossed it back to the edge. Inside the container was some fried riceballs, a few sushi slices, and some assorted vegetables and meats. There was also only one set of chopsticks.

She grabbed the chopsticks and swam over to Naruto. "Sweety, open up." Mei used the chopsticks to pick up a sushi roll and hold it up to her husband.

Naruto sweatdropped. "I can feed myself you know."

"Oh? If that's how you want to do it, then okay." Saying that, she gave the bento and chopsticks to him.

Naruto gratefully received the bento and began to feed himself from its contents. "Uhh." Mei grunted. Naruto looked up to see her with her eyes closed and mouth wide open. She opened her eyes to see Naruto's confused expression. "There's only one bento and one set of chopsticks you know. I'm hungry." She said with a pouting lilt.

Blushing a little bit, he grabbed some food from the container with the chopsticks and raised it slowly to Mei's lips. Just as she enclosed her mouth around the food, an extremely agitated rebel burst through the tent flaps with an urgent expression on his face.

"MEI-SAMA" he shouted out. "THE MIZUKAGE IS HERE" as if on cue, an explosion was heard off in the distance.

Mei went back into her leader persona and jumped out of the water without a moment's hesitation. "Where is he?" she ordered out to her subordinate, still with a mouth full of food and naked from the bath.

There was another explosion in the distance. The shaking shinobi wordlessly pointed out in the direction of the large explosion.

"I'll go engage him. You" she pointed at the unnamed shinobi. "Help out in way that you can. You" she pointed at Naruto, who was getting out of the bath. "Stay here, and don't die."

"Fuck that shit. I'm coming with you."

"No you aren't." she replied sternly. "I'm your wife and it's my responsibility to protect my husband."

"Well I'm your husband and it's my responsibility to protect my wife!" Naruto shouted at her loudly, disregarding her nakedness. Now wasn't the time for perverse thoughts or being shamed over reproductive systems.

Mei looked at him with a conflicted expression on her face. Right now, she couldn't waste any time arguing with her husband, but she also couldn't let him get killed. Naruto got up from the water, naked as well. "I'll be fine. I have to help."

"RRggg. Fine. You go with him." she said, pointing to the unnamed shinobi. "And make sure that he doesn't die."

"Okay, got it. Follow me!" the shinobi shouted at Naruto. Naruto bent down and grabbed a kunai from his clothing pile while hastily wrapping a towel around his waist.

"Got it!"

A shinobi battlefield is a very different thing than one on one shinobi fights as he soon realized. For one thing, there was only chaos within the fights. No time to think, no time to see, no time to move. People died indiscriminately when they didn't do any of the three mentioned things. A lot of people died

Another thing that he realized is that towels don't like staying wrapped around one's waist while its occupant was fighting.

The official Kirigakure shinobi that were fighting the rebels also moved far differently than any normal person. Their movements were jerky and robotic, they also were only capable of fighting a single person at once it seemed. Not only that, but they didn't seem to be able to register pain and attacked with a suicidal passion.

The scariest things about them were their faces. Expressionless, unmoving, untalking, unscreaming. Even when one was impaled by a lance of rock, he continued to try and attack the person who impaled him with an expressionless gleam in his eyes.

That doesn't mean that they were invincible like Hidan. Once they had a vital organ punctured or they lost enough blood, they fell over on the ground and didn't get back up.

Naruto witnessed Chojuro come into the fray whilst swinging his huge blade around like a club. Cleaving through the shinobi that got in his way through merit of physical impact trauma and a slightly dull edge only.

That kid was _seriously_ strong.

Naruto formed another rasengan in his hand with the help of a clone and charged into the fray next to Chojuro. He used the rasengan to blast away a shinobi that had managed to sneak up next to the blue-haired teen and promptly used the earth walking technique to sink away into the soft earth in an effort to get away from the scene. Chojuro looked around for the sudden help and came up empty. His attention was pulled away when another suicide shinobi ran up to him with a katana.

Naruto surfaced a ways away from the fighting and started heaving for breath immediately. At the academy, they taught that getting one's first kill might come to them as a shock and gave them a variety of exercises that would prepare them for it. Naruto however, didn't feel anything as he killed the Kirigakure shinobi. They weren't acting like people, they were acting like automatons. Another strange thing about the battle is that the Kirigakure shinobi were losing, badly. Anyone would be able to see that continuing to fight would mean certain death to those involved and yet, they continued to.

The kekai genkai shinobi had been startled at the tactics that the enemy had used at first and lost a lot of good shinobi to that, but they quickly regrouped and began to slaughter the offending shinobi in droves, in herds. Like they were so much cattle.

"Boss!" a shadow clone of his that was still clothed walked up to him. In his hand was the Nuibari. Naruto took the handle of the sword from the clone and looked back at the battle.

It was happening all over the camp. The kekai genkai shinobi were quickly wrapping up the battle with the Kirigakure shinobi.

It had taken about 10 minutes in total for all the shinobi to be killed like lambs to slaughter. Naruto had managed to incapacitate a few with the some coordinated rasengan blasts and kill a few more with his kunai.

"What happened?" the confused clone asked Naruto.

"No idea, but it's over now I guess."

The clone dispelled before it could see a geyser of lava shooting up in the air near a wooded area.

'Mei.' Naruto thought out. Naruto was naïve in many respects, but he knew that if he went and joined the battle, he would probably be a hindrance to the fight. He had to check though, he had to make sure that she was okay.

Naruto ran off to see the battle.

Naruto landed on a tree just out of reach from a strange mist. Inside of the cloud of influence, everything was getting corroded down to its basest of levels. Trees were falling down, corroded at the root; rocks were getting turned into poisonous slime; and the very soil itself was getting turned into a toxic swamp. Not exactly the most pleasant of areas to be caught in.

Although, even with all that the toxic steam was able to do, Naruto saw blasts of water dragons, strange coral structures, and lava streams burst out of the cloud every so often.

Every time that a lava stream exited the cloud, Naruto's heart soared. Every time that a coral structure materialized, his heart dropped.

"Tch. Didn't think that the shinobi would stall for so little time." a voice said from directly to Naruto's side.

Naruto twirled around and brought the Nuibari directly up the perpetrator's throat. "Who are you!?" Naruto asked with a surprised tone of voice.

The man, for his merit, seemed very surprised at the situation as well. He was wearing a black cloak with red clouds on top of it along with a plain white mask that only had one hole on it, obscuring the entirety of the stranger's face. "Woah woah woah… Wait, you're the nine tails' Jinchuuriki? Why are _you_ here? Why are you naked?"

'This guy's akatsuki.' Naruto deduced from the cloak. Naruto answered the strange man's question by attempting to behead him. But his sword only went through air as it seemingly cleaved the man's head off.

"Is that the Nuibari?" the man continued, not even noticing the murder attempt.

'Genjutsu huh?' Naruto brought the sword down and graced his shin with a small cut, just large enough to induce a pang of pain on his person. Once the pain subsided, Naruto again attempted to cleave through the man's head and was met with the same level of success.

"What are you doing out of Konoha? Did you go rogue?" a scream of a hawk took his attention away from Naruto. The man just ignored him at this point. 'I can't take him, not if I have to wait longer than a few days to expel him from Kamui. Not only that, but thanks to the rebellion leader's steam ability, I can't get a good gauge of her skills. This has all been a waste of time.'

Obito looked at Naruto fruitlessly swing his sword through Obito's nonexistent body. 'Is being naked a rebellion thing?'

With that last thought, Obito sunk down into the tree and out of Naruto's swinging range.

Naruto huffed out in slight exertion. 'That was weird.'

His attention was returned once again to the mist. It seemed to be destabilizing, which allowed Naruto to head inside to look for Mei.

"MEI!" Naruto shouted out.

The amount of destruction that was left behind by the attack was staggering. His feet squelched in the mud. He had to jump over decaying trees and cooling lava pools. He had to make sure not to touch the destabilizing coral constructs out of fear of what might happen to him.

"MEI!" Naruto shouted out once more.

He heard a groaning sound to his right. Naruto ran over to where the groaning was being pitifully whimpered from and came to the position of looking down on a fallen Mei. She had a large tree trunk resting on her torso, not letting her get up.

"Oh shit!" Naruto grabbed the trunk and tried to lift it up, but it was far too heavy.

She coughed feebly and blearily opened up her eyes. "Naruto… *cough* stop it. It's done. It's over."

"No it's not! You are not going to die. Not here. Not on me!" Naruto stood up straight and spawned huge amounts of shadow clones. They all bent over and grabbed various parts of the fallen trunk. "LIFT!" the original belted out. Using chakra to supplement their strength, they pulled upwards with as much strength as they had.

It was no use. They weren't strong enough.

"I'm not done yet!" Naruto spawned another load of shadow clones who all took up positions right next to or under the other clones. "LIfT!" The original belted out once more.

The trunk lifted infinitesimally. The original fell to the ground where Mei was and grabbed her by her armpits, then pulled her out from under the trunk through the extremely small gap.

Her torso was a bloody mess, her ribcage looked slightly deformed, and there was a shard of coral jutting out of her thigh.

All of the clones dispelled at once, making Naruto sink to his knees in exhaustion. He used too much chakra with that stunt.

His body impacted the ground right next Mei. He used _way_ too much chakra with that stunt.

Naruto couldn't keep his eyes open. He couldn't find the will to breathe anymore. He couldn't feel his arms or legs anymore!

"Mei…" he whispered out.

Her breathing hitched. She had registered his word.

"Thanks."

The last thing that remembered before passing out was a veritable stampede of feet in their general direction.

**AN/ There you have it. Chapter 21.**

**Okay, I have some announcements:**

**As stated in the last chapter, I'm going to be creating chapters of larger sizes. This however is going to slow update progress.**

**I'm also probably going to work on creating some other stories that have been pervading my mental capacity as of late.**

**Last thing, I'm not sure how many of you noticed, but my profile is rather bare. I'm looking to fill it up full of things, but I can't think of anything (I refuse to copy paste the 100 man laws, or the 100 murphey laws that every author and his/her dog seems to have)**

**You have any ideas on how to go about that, put it in the review, or PM me.**

**Have a gentlemanly day.**


	22. the dessert in the desert

Chapter 22

Temari spit out the cereal that she was eating out of shock. "You what?!"

"What the fuck Temari?" Kankuro shouted. The mushy bits of half-chewed cereal had gotten dangerously close to hitting him.

"We got together?" Naruto repeated in response to Temari's surprised reaction. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"No. it's just… I thought that she hated you."

"I thought so too."

"Are any of you going to clean that up?" Gaara asked dispassionately.

"So what made her like you?" Temari asked, ignoring Gaara's question.

"How should I know?"

"Because you two are together now. Don't you talk about your feelings with each other?"

"Do we talk about our feelings? No. Why would we do that?"

"Because that's what people do when they're in relationships."

"Have you been in a relationship?"

"…"

"Exactly, there's not a whole lot of talky feely. We mostly just have fun."

"Doing what?"

"You know… training, movies, rock climbing, rock sledding."

"Rock sledding?"

"Oh yeah, don't rock sled. Ever."

"Why?"

"It's not… a pleasant experience."

Kankuro decided to but in. "So you two are just going to ignore the mushy bits of cereal on the counter?"

Naruto spawned a clone and told it to clean up the mess.

"So how far have you two gone?" Temari asked.

"Gone where?"

"You know, gone together." Temari implied suggestively.

"That… doesn't clear anything up."

"She's asking for the level of physical interaction that you've had with each other." Kankuro stated.

"What?"

"Kankuro!" Temari shouted at her brother.

"What? He's a 13 year old orphan. He doesn't understand your terminology."

"Hey! I take offense to that. And why do you want to know how far we've… physically interacted?"

"Because we're talking about your relationship with your girlfriend. Of course it would come up."

"I still don't understand why we're talking about my relationship."

"Just answer the question kid. She won't stop until she knows."

"You're one year older than me. Don't call me a kid."

Kankuro grunted out an affirmative.

Naruto looked at Temari. "We've kissed."

"Really? When?"

"When she confessed that she liked me."

"When was that?"

"The second day of my arrival in Iwa."

Temari smirked in amusement. "When we meet up again, I'm going to tease her so hard about that."

"Do what you want." Naruto said grumpily, getting back to his cereal and milk.

"Okay, so: you've learned kenjutsu in Kumo, where you bonded with Yugito; then you learned survival skills, taijutsu, and kenjutsu with Fu, who's slightly deranged; then you went off to Iwa, where you learned some jutsu and got together with Kurotsuchi."

"Uh-huh."

"So what happened in Kiri?"

"Ummm… first, I'm apparently the chosen user of the legendary sword Nuibari, because it chose me and now I'm allowed to use it in battle."

"So that's what that thing was." Kankuro said.

"Mmmm. After that, there was a raid on the rebel camp by the main forces."

"Holy shit, are you okay?" Temari asked.

"Yeah. A lot of people died though. Mei almost died too when she fought Yagura, the Mizukage."

"Then what?"

"Well… when the fighting with everyone else was mostly over, I went over to check on Mei. They were still fighting when I got there, but when it was finished, Mei had been stuck under a log. So I had to get her out of it. It was a big log. Like a _big fucking log_. So I had to use a lot of shadow clones to get her out of it. Almost died doing it, but the Kyuubi saved me."

"How's Mei?"

"Her ribcage caved into itself, there were a lot of pretty deep cuts, there was this weird coral thing that grew into her leg, and she was exhausted beyond belief. She survived, but was still unconscious when I left."

"Wow."

"Yeah. Then I got teleported here and I'm eating…" Naruto picked up the cereal box that was next to him to see the name of it "Ninja bits."

"Pretty wild story. Maybe I should married off to 5 chicks from 5 different nations. My life definitely wouldn't be as boring as it is now." Kankuro brought into the conversation.

"Yeah, because almost dying because I had to lift a fucking a log is such a better alternative than being bored."

"Gives you a good story to tell. You can't deny that."

"… I guess not."

"So I'm still fuzzy on what you two're supposed to do here." Kankuro said

"Foster relations between the two ninja villages of sand and leaf." Temari replied automatically.

"I've got that much, but how're you supposed to do it? Date loudly in public? Train together? Make me a little niece or nephew?"

"Don't even joke about that Kankuro." Temari said with a deadpan.

"I'm serious. What are you two going to do?"

"I wasn't forced to date the other 4. Yugito was away on a mission for the majority of the week, Fu took up camp outside of the village, I'm dating Kurotsuchi because I like her, and Mei is the leader of the rebellion so contact is usually sparse. I don't think that anybody expects us to date each other."

"So what are you going to be doing here for the majority of the week?"

"Back at Kiri, Jiraya said that the whole reason that this circulation between the villages was so I could learn how to control the Kyuubi." Naruto glanced at Gaara. "But I don't think that I'm going to be able to do that here. Gaara's situation and my situation are too different. I guess that means more training with the Nuibari."

"Well, let's see. You've got kenjutsu under your belt, taijutsu, ninjutsu, survival training. Do you have anything else? Genjutsu or elemental affinity training?"

"I don't do genjutsu, and I'm not sure what my affinity is."

"It's always good to at least be able to detect and dispel genjutsu, even if you don't want to specialize in it. You should also learn your affinity. Who knows? Might be wind."

"I doubt it." Temari said. "Wind jutsu users are pretty scarce around Konoha."

"Never hurts to check." Kankuro replied.

00000000

"I'm assuming that you've heard the news?"

"You're damn right I have. Why haven't they contacted me yet? And why did it take so long for the information to here?"

"You know why. Information still takes quite a while to travel around."

"… Are you sure that he's okay?"

"From what Raido said, he was in perfect health."

"Chakra exhaustion is something that is not shown on the exterior. If he's not checked out soon, there could be debilitating consequences down the road."

"He said that Naruto was running around in perfect health. In fact, if what Raido said was true, then Naruto was more concerned with Mei than anything else."

"You're sure that I can't help?"

"Raido did make it perfectly clear that you'd be more than willing and capable of healing her, but they turned it down."

"Tch arrogant fools."

"Tsunade…"

"What Jiraya? What? You know that they're being unreasonable. What if she dies? That would turn the whole treaty into rubble."

"You know as well as I do that if she dies, then he'll just get married off to some other kekai genkai holder. Maybe one that's his age this time."

"But still, she's an incredibly useful war asset that is capable of matching the mizukage in open-armed combat. Are you sure that I can't just show up and heal her quick?"

"From the extent of her reported injuries, not even you would be able to 'heal her quick'. And maybe you _could_ just teleport there unannounced and heal her up, make everyone happy and nice with each other. Or maybe you teleport there and everyone sees it as a major insult and the treaty is over for good. No matter what, if we just wait to see what happens, the treaty will stay in place."

Tsunade sighed and leaned back to rub her temples. "I don't like this."

"If you did, then I'd have you checked in for an appointment with Inoichi."

"Is there any other news?"

"Han, the Jinchuuriki of the 5-tails, hasn't reported back to iwa for a while. We think that he might have been taken by Akatsuki."

"Is iwa taking the threat of Akatsuki seriously now?"

"Not that I know of."

"Rrrrggg. Why do people have to be so unreasonable?"

"They're the ones who've done the most business with Akatsuki in the past. I guess that they don't want to provoke them, or lose their standing."

"For christsake, Onoki's granddaughter was almost murdered by one of their members."

"Akatsuki's playing the ignorance card."

"Mmmm. What about the rest of the nations?"

"Kumo is tightening control on theirs. Suna's Jinchuuriki doesn't really leave the village as it is. Iwa isn't even in contact with their other Jinchuuriki. And Kiri's Jinchuuriki are either the kage, or missing."

"What about Taki?"

"Well… From what I can tell, their Jinchuuriki has been outside the safety of their walls for quite some time now, but they don't plan on calling her back in."

"And why not?"

"They're afraid of Akatsuki coming over to wreck their shit."

"That won't do at all. She needs protection. See if we can take her in."

"…We could do that…" Jiraya said in a way that meant that he had something else on his mind.

"Or…"

"Or we could just send her to Suna to be Naruto's traveling companion."

"She's still learning how to control her Jinchuuriki, correct?"

"Yes."

"Then it'd probably be beneficial for both of them to be able to compare notes as they travel together. Since Taki probably wants her protection as well, it shouldn't be seen as an insult like what might happen if I head to the rebel camp, right?"

"If my understanding of human psychology is correct, then yes."

"That doesn't exactly instil confidence in me." Tsunade said in deadpan.

00000000

"What does this mean?" Naruto asked. There were two pieces of paper in Naruto's hand that used to be one, until he channeled chakra in to them that split it directly down the middle.

"Well I'll be damned. You have a wind affinity." The jonin said. "That means that you won't need me."

"What?"

"Look kid, the only reason why I was called here is because I have a good understanding of the first stages of elemental manipulation in all 5 elements. Since you have a wind affinity, you could ask nearly any jonin here and they'd give you a far better comprehension of your element."

"Do you have any suggestions for a teacher?"

"Why not your wife? Despite her age, she's one of our most accomplished wind manipulation specialists."

"Okay, I'll do that. Thanks for the help I guess."

"No prob." The sand jonin said, while performing a sand body flicker.

*meanwhile*

Another sand jonin was looking Naruto over from head to toe, obviously not very impressed by what she saw. "So you're a clone?'

The clone nodded. "Yup. Anything I learn is transferred to the original when I'm dispelled."

"Can genjutsu's dispel you?"

The clone shrugged.

She sighed in annoyance. "Might as well get started then. My name is Nazo no Sakkaku. I am the most accomplished genjutsu master in all of Suna and I am here to teach you about the art of illusions. Or at least how not to get killed when confronted by them."

"Right."

"Do you know the basics of how to dispel genjutsu's?"

He shook his head.

"How to detect genjutsu's?"

He shook his head again.

"How to cast genjutsu's?"

He shook his head once more.

"Do you know what a genjutsu is?"

"Yeah. I'm not stupid."

"Enlighten me then." She replied sarcastically.

"Genjutsu's are… when… you distort reality."

"Wrong. Nobody can distort reality. The reason that this is called the art of illusions is because we change the personal reality of people, making them think what's happening is what's not happening or vice versa."

"So you can change how people think?"

"Nope. We can only change how people perceive things to be true."

"So if I use genjutsu, I can make people think that they're being chased by a big blue jelly bean?"

She leveled a hard stare at him. "Yes. But if anybody worth their weight as a shinobi saw that happening, they would dispel your shitty illusion immediately."

"Why? Didn't you say that genjutsu makes people perceive different things to be true? Then if they saw a big blue jelly bean coming after them and thought that was the truth, then wouldn't they just run away?"

Nazo pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation. "Perhaps I didn't phrase that correctly. It tricks what people sense to be true. But people can perceive it to be false."

Naruto scratched his head in confusion. "I don't… I don't understand."

"For example:" she went through a short set of handseals and shouted **"Ethereal body."**

Naruto started back in fear. Somehow another head that was identical to hers grew out of the first one. "What the fuck?"

Both heads sighed into their palms. "You don't think that this is real, do you?" both heads asked in sync.

"It looks real." Naruto with eyes wide in fear.

"Exactly. It looks real, but do you really believe that there are two heads growing out of my body."

"I'm going to say no, but only because I think that's what you're getting at."

She dispelled the illusion, much to the relief of Naruto. "When you are going throughout your day and you notice something that does not make any sense, you are supposed to try and dispel it. That's the detection and dispelling of genjutsu."

"I guess that makes sense, but what if there really is a big blue jelly bean chasing me around? It'd probably not make a lot of sense to stop what I'm doing to try and dispel it."

"But a big blue jelly bean chasing you around wouldn't happen."

"Okay, what about seeing a giant slug, a giant snake, and a giant toad all try to kill each other? What about seeing a guy regenerate a hole in his stomach? What about seeing a guy turn into a sand Tanuki? Things that don't make sense and aren't supposed to happen, happen."

"I take it you haven't fought very many genjutsu users?"

"…Not really."

"The best genjutsu are subtle. Things that the person affected can expect to happen. Like tripping on a root in a forest. If they feel something impact their foot, they stumble, even if they didn't hit anything. Not only that, but only the most skilled of genjutsu users would try to make something as impractical as giant summons fighting each other seem real. There are too many things that might seem fake about it, like if a toad was tossed into a copse of trees and the genjutsu user didn't make you see the copse flattened."

"So if genjutsu detection is all about seeing things that don't make sense and countering it. What do you do if you see something that does make sense? Like stumbling on a tree root."

"You hope that your teammates are there to help you up."

"Is that it? Nothing else?"

"Well, the way that genjutsu works is by subtly changing the opponent's chakra flow. So if you are or have a skilled sensor on your team, you can become aware that your chakra system is being affected and you can do something about it."

"Sounds complicated."

"Other than fuinjutsu, genjutsu is the most complicated of the ninja arts."

"I don't like complicated things."

"Then that sucks to be you kid, because sometime down the road, you're either going to be saved from it, or die from it. So might as well get used to it so the latter doesn't happen."

"I got it, I got it. So if I'm supposed to be looking for things that don't make sense in order to detect the genjutsu, what am I supposed to do to dispel it?"

"Gather all up a large amount of chakra, channel it through your system, then release it in one go."

"Sounds simple enough."

"What gets most people is that they might not be fast enough to dispel it, or they might not detect it. That's all that genjutsu is really, just delaying the enemy long enough to the point where you can safely walk over to slit their throats."

"So how do I know when I'm good at dispelling and or detecting genjutsu?"

She grinned sadistically at him. "A lot of practice."

00000000

"So you understand what you're supposed to do?" Temari asked in slight concern.

"Yeah yeah. I got this." Naruto said, shaking his limbs to and fro to try and get psyched out a bit for the training exercise that he was going to go through.

"You sure? Because it's really important to keep a calm head."

"Don't worry. I'll do great."

"If you say so." Temari said ominously. She immediately unsheathed her war fan and unfolded it to the first star. After finessing the correct amount of chakra into the handle of it, she swung it forward to unleash a blast of wind soaring over to Naruto's direction.

Naruto instinctively knelt down to minimize the amount of wind that would hit him and thrust his palm forward to knead his chakra as quickly as he could. Just as a slight shimmering of chakra emerged from his hands and formed into a vertical line, the blast of hot air hit him directly and shoved him 6 feet away regardless of the line of chakra that he made.

"Are you okay?" Temari asked from afar.

Naruto begrudgingly got up and spit the sand out of his mouth. Being outside and in the desert helped cushion his fall, but the heat was killing him. "Are you sure that there isn't an easier way to learn wind manipulation?" he said, drawing back to his recent position.

"Oh there are loads of easier ways to learn wind manipulation. But you said that you wanted the fastest…" Temari drawled off with a smirk on her face. Perhaps she shouldn't be enjoying this, but seeing Naruto get sent flying into a dune never got old.

"Yeah yeah. Whatever." All of his psyche had vanished the moment he hit the dune behind him.

"Hey, look on the bright side. Two hours ago, you got hit 7 feet back. Now you're down to 6ish."

"How can you tell the difference between such small increments in measurement?"

"I just can. Now get ready again." Temari couldn't hold her amusement in and it manifested in a full blown smile.

"Oh! I knew it. you are so enjoying thi-" Anything that Naruto might have been able to get out was dashed as soon as another blast of wind hit him directly in the torso and sent him flying much farther than he would have if he was kneeling.

Temari winced a bit at the crater that formed from Naruto's impact. "Ouch. That's going to leave a mark."

"YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT IT FUCKING IS!" Naruto shouted out from his position is said crater.

"You heard me?" Temari asked nonchalantly.

Naruto grumbled out his response incomprehensibly as he climbed up from the indentation in the sand that he was in. Climbing up sand is hard, as he would soon find out.

*several hours later*

Naruto got himself back up from yet another small indentation in the sand.

"Hey, I think that we should stop for now." Temari said with slight concern. That kid just did not give up when it came to training.

"What? No. I've got to keep on going." Naruto replied breathlessly.

"If you keep on going, the only thing that you're going to accomplish is death by sunstroke. Now come on."

"But…"

"So help me God, I will club you across the head with my fan and carry you back inside the gates if I have to." She said, hefting her fan once more.

Naruto deflated. "Okay." His stomach growled out in a wanton lust for anything edible at that very moment. "What's for dinner?" Naruto asked pitifully.

"Whatever Kankuro makes. Now come on." Temari started to walk off in the direction of her home village with Naruto in tow behind her.

00000000

"Are you fucking stupid or something?" Kankuro asked gruffly. When Naruto and Temari had made it home, it was discovered that Naruto had severe sunburns all across his face, arms, legs, and most of his torso.

Naruto hissed in pain as more lotion was rubbed on his body by his loving and not-so-gentle wife Temari. "Hey! I never had to put on sunscreen back home. I didn't even know that was a thing."

"You've never heard of sunscreen?" Temari asked in wonder, really rubbing the lotion into his back. Had to make sure that it penetrated deep after all.

"RRRRggg. That hurts so much. Why didn't you say anything when we were training?"

"I didn't notice it. The sun was too bright."

"AaahHaAahh. You really get off on seeing me in pain, don't you?"

"I wouldn't go so far as to say that I derive sexual pleasure from your suffering" Temari paused to add some more lotion onto his arm, making him hiss in pain. "But I would be lying if I said that it wasn't really funny."

"Yeah, so fUUNNyy. Just the most fun in the whole wide world." Naruto replied sarcastically.

Kankuro snickered a bit at his remark. "You know, if you didn't make it so amusing to see you in pain, she'd probably stop it."

"So it's my FAUlt that she's hurting me? I have half a mind to report you for domestic ABUse."

"You have half a mind? That's more than I expected out of you." Temari remarked.

If it weren't for the fact that Temari was behind Naruto, he would have glared enough holes into her to make her into swiss cheese.

"Oh come on. You set me up for that! It would be a loss if I didn't capitalize off of it." Temari said with a smile.

"She's right you know." Kankuro said.

"RRggg. I'm tired of this." Naruto got up and took the lotion away from Temari's hands and started to apply the rest himself. "So what now?" Naruto asked in between winces.

"I don't know, nor do I care. You can't go outside with sunburn, not until it peels. So you're staying inside."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Why should I care? Read a book, take a nap, learn how to balance a kunai on your face. I don't care." With that, Kankuro retreated to his room to tinker with his puppets some more.

Once the sound of a door closing hit Naruto's ears, he turned to Temari and said "Your brother is pretty impersonal."

"That's kind of his MO."

"MO?"

"Modus Operatus. It just denotes how he is or how he does things."

"Oh. So do you have any ideas about how to spend the time?"

"It's 7:30. At this point I would usually get ready for bed and read a book."

"Sounds good I guess. Where am I sleeping?"

"You're bunking with me."

"And you're… fine with that?"

"So long as you keep to your side of the bed, we should coexist just fine."

"Fair enough." With the lotion covering Naruto's burns, moving was slightly less difficult. So he was capable of heading to the bathroom to get changed into his pajamas. When he got out of it he was met by Temari, who was wearing a black onesie.

"Yo. Follow me." She said flatly. Naruto nodded and fell in step behind her.

Her room was… plain, for lack of a better word. The walls were made of sanded down sandstone, as was custom here he found out. Her bed was queen sized, large enough that two people could sleep comfortably on it without touching. There was a nightstand, a dresser, and a small closet. Other than that, it was bare of anything that Naruto would usually associate with a girl's room. No mirror with make-up laying around it, no discarded clothing around the room, nothing.

Temari took notice of Naruto's expression and guessed (correctly) what he was thinking. "What were you expecting? When he was around here, my dad wasn't really a fan of extraneous material goods."

"Extraneous?"

"It means extra."

"Well why don't you just say extra?"

"Because extraneous also means not needed." Temari walked over to her bed and plopped on the left-hand side of it.

"I still don't see why you have to say it like that." Naruto said while walking over to get himself covered in the sheet of the right-hand side of the bed.

"It gets the point across better."

"If someone has to wonder what you said, then it didn't get the point out good at all."

"Well."

"Well what?"

"Then it didn't get the point out _well_ at all. You really need to work on your eloquence."

Naruto gave her a hard stare. "Now you're just saying things to make me feel bad about my intelligence."

"What do you mean by that?"

"You keep on using big words to confuse me."

"I haven't used very many big words at all."

"What about eloquence? What does that mean?"

"Eloquence isn't that large of a word…"

"It's bigger than a lot of words out there."

"Oh please Naruto. You don't have to be such a quidnunc about everything." At this point Temari was on the verge of losing it.

"You. Made. That. Word. Up." Naruto said, enunciating each work individually for emphatical effect.

"You have quite the pernicious attitude." Temari barely got out without laughing.

Naruto picked up the book that he got from Fu and busied himself with reading from it. Temari took this as a sign of him not wanting to converse anymore, so she brought out a book of her own to start reading from.

About 30 minutes passed this way, but Temari soon found it difficult to concentrate on the words that she read. Her eyes looked at the words, but they did not register in her head. Once she realized that she read the same paragraph nearly 5 times in a row, Temari put down her book and looked at Naruto, who was reading intently.

"Why are you staring at me?" Naruto said without looking away from the book.

"I'm not staring, I just happened to look your way."

Naruto dog-eared the page on his book and closed it. "I guess that I won't be reading anymore."

"Awww why?"

"Because I just know that you are going to bug me and I'm not going to be able to read."

"Suit yourself. I was just looking over to see if you were tired enough to go to sleep."

At the mention of sleeping, Naruto's body instinctually yawned.

"Well I guess that answers my question." Temari said with a smirk. She turned to her side to click off the light that was on her nightstand, bathing her side of the room on darkness. Naruto did the same with his and started to get comfortable in bed.

It was his first day in Suna and he had been picked on, made fun of, gotten a horrible sunburn, and was repeatedly knocked down during his training with wind jutsu. Most of those problems stemmed from Temari, but he didn't have it in him to feel any ill will towards her.

At least she knew how to have fun. Naruto respected that.

00000000

Omake

Deidara's eye twitched.

He was annoyed. Very annoyed.

The reason for his annoyance stemmed from the bingo book that was in his possession at the moment.

The new edition had his page on it detailing his strength, height, affiliation, ex-affiliation, chakra natures, known jutsu's and or tactics that he made use of, all down to his blood type and eye color.

But they added something else too. Under the notes section of the book was the usual, but a little something else.

_Deidara is known to have a fantastical affixation on the concept of art and uses his explosive techniques to make it, often times saying "Art is an explosion"_

_Is said to have helped in completely destroying a small nation._

_Is completely psychopathic_

_Has been defeated by a goat_

**AN/ Okay, so story time:**

**Once upon a time there was an author that said that he'd make chapters that were longer than the usual five-thousand or so words. But unknown to him, he didn't feel comfortable doing so.**

**It wasn't an uncomfortable that denoted that he was morally or ethically against it. No, he just found that trying to lengthen the usual word count made the story feel unnaturally padded out and disjointed in nature. So now he has to go back on his word to make larger chapters and release the usual length that he is used to.**

**Sorry.**

**On another note, I made a new story. It's called When signing a contract, always read the fine print. It's my take on the videogame storyline and I feel like its start is much better than this one's start.**

**So read it. 'cuz it's good.**

**As always, have a gentlemanly day**

**(PS. The omake idea originated from Lovin It. thanks for the idea) **


	23. the dessert in the desert pt 2

Chapter 23

"_NARUTO!"_

_Naruto's eyes shot open and darted around to eye his surroundings. All around him was black as pitch. There was nothing in sight yet he instinctively was able to get to his feet. He couldn't see anywhere around him but was still capable of seeing his arms and legs clearly. It was as if he was stuck in a black room. The enclosing that he was in had no doors or any other way to get out of it. There was no source of light, but the black walls, ground, and ceiling still had a reflection of light gleaming off of it._

'_Where did that scream come from?' just as he finished that though, a loud, piercing wail shattered through the quiet. It reverberated through the walls, the ceiling, the floor. It was everywhere. He had to cover his ears and shut his eyes to stifle the sound, but it didn't work. The sound was worming its way into his skull. It was an unending signifier of the worst, most intense pain possible._

"_WHO'S THERE!?" Naruto shouted out, not expecting an answer. The shout that came through his lips carried no sounds whatsoever._

_The sound stopped without any warning or preamble. Naruto was left in the room, clutching his ears to ward off the non-existent sound. "Who's there?" Naruto said, loudly, but not shouting._

_The black, viscous substance sprouted up from the floor slowly. Naruto backed away from it. "H-Hello?" Naruto asked, not knowing what else to do._

_It began to take the form of a hunched over, hermit-like figure. The pitch slowly dripped off of it to reveal a person._

_The person in front of him had nothing to signify who it would be. It had beige colored skin and black hair that drooped down to conceal most of its face. The only thing that showed through the curtain of hair was the mouth, the horrible, disgusting mouth overflowing with the pitch-like substance that surrounded him and covered the rest of the room._

_It began laughing. A cruel, destructive laugh. Air was being forced through its mouth and its chest heaved with great effort. Spittle and pitch began to fly though the air at monstrous rates from the distorted, choking laughter forcing it out of its mouth._

_Naruto scrambled away from this brooding figure until his back was pressed against the wall that was closest to him. The figure didn't advance. Getting a better look at it, Naruto concluded that its spine must have been out of alignment to make it hunched over like that. Its ribcage was also depressed inwards on one side of its body._

"_Do you need help?" Naruto asked quietly._

_The being drew dangerously quiet. "I… _needed_ help." The voice that belonged to the hunched creature was, although distorted, clearly feminine. "I needed _your_ help." She drawled on. "But you weren't there."_

"_W-Who are you?" Naruto asked once more._

_The creature merely lifted her head up and cleared the hair away from her eyes. Both her pupils and sclera were as black as the viscous substance that surrounded them both, but her irises… they were a bright, vibrant pink._

"_K-Kurotsuchi?" Naruto asked quietly. "What- what happened?!" he shouted/asked._

_She began laughing again. That horrible, disjointed laughter assaulted his ears once more. "Stop!" he screamed, but the laughing never ceased._

_Other figures began to rise out of the ground, covered in pitch._

_One figure had nearly neon green hair. She had a slight figure and dark, tanned skin. But there was a chunk of her body that was missing said skin. Half of her face and most of her chest had the underlying muscle showing through and were leaking a horrible mixture of puss and the black stuff that surrounded him. "Fu?" Naruto whispered. She only gave him a look of betrayal._

_Another had platinum blonde hair that was streaked with black. She had a tall, athletic build with pearly, porcelain skin. There were cuts and gashes that streaked all across her body. She was barely recognizable with all the gooey black material leaking out of her various cuts, but the worst one was the one that curved from her jaw all the way up to her temple. The skin had started to peel off of her face in that area. "Yugito?" Her gaze was almost apologetic, holding only pain and pity._

_The next one had auburn hair that reached all the way down to her waist. She was practically puking the fluid in great amounts. The vast majority of her torso was caved in, there was even a few bones sticking out of her chest. Other than that, she was covered in scrapes and burns that all leaked black blood. The worst, however, was her right thigh. In it was a structure of coral that had spread inwards into her leg until it burst out in several places. "Mei?" Her sultry, playful gaze was gone. In its place was a look of hatred._

_The last one had sandy blonde hair done up in four ponytails. Her entire body was covered in gashes that had horrible, greenish-red tinges to them. They were leaking pus in great amounts. She looked diseased with the color of her skin being the way that it was. "Temari?" She looked at him evenly. It was a look that had no emotion in it whatsoever. That scared Naruto more than anything._

_He started hyperventilating._

"_Why?"_

"_Why didn't you help us?"_

"_You aren't strong."_

"_We DIED because of you."_

"_I hate you."_

"_You're the worst."_

"_Sasuke will never come back."_

"_You're weak."_

"_Friends? How could we be friends when you're so weak?"_

_Naruto's eyes started shimmering with unshed tears. "I-I-I. I COULDN'T HELP YOU! I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY!" his pleads and apologies fell on deaf ears however, as they all glared at him with all their worth._

"_Wake up Naruto." Temari whispered._

"_I'M SORRY!"_

"_Wake up Naruto."_

"I'M SORRY!"

"NARUTO, WAKE UP!" Temari began violently shake Naruto back and forth in an effort to wake him up. He had suddenly started thrashing around in his sleep, inadvertently waking her up. She saw that he was obviously in the middle of a horrible nightmare, and did her best to try and get him back.

Despite her attempts, he remained thrashing and screaming out apologies in his sleep. She rolled over on top of him and held his arms downwards to stop him from swinging out and punching her. Once her knees were properly on Naruto's arms, she grabbed him by the chin and forced his head to her face's direction. "Naruto." She tried saying gently.

His eyes shot open. He looked around confusedly for a second before trying to wiggle his way out of her grip. Her hand was still clasped around his face, she moved his head in her direction once again to get his attention. "Shh. Shh. Shhhh. It's okay." She said as soothingly as she could.

His eyes began to well up once again. Tears began to stream from his face and he started quietly sobbing. She rolled off of him, giving him full autonomy. He curled up into a ball so sob more effectively.

Temari, for her part, didn't really know what to do. Soothing people who were in pain wasn't really her strong suit, but she also couldn't just do nothing. He was sobbing, curled up in a ball, and mumbling nonsense. Must've been a really horrible nightmare.

Crawling over, she awkwardly placed a palm on his shoulder. "You okay?" she whispered.

He started to quiet down. "*sniffle* yeah. I'm *hic* fine." Naruto uncurled himself from his fetal position and started to breathe in and out very slowly. "Yeah, I'm fine." He repeated.

"Do you want to… talk about it?" Temari ventured. In truth, she hadn't ever had a nightmare before, so she didn't know what worked and what didn't work when trying to soothe the afflicted.

"I ummm… it was…" Naruto fumbled for the proper words to describe what happened to him. "I was in this dark room. It was covered in this… slimy stuff. This really black, slimy stuff." Temari nodded, signifying her listening to him. "Then… there was this… scream. It was loud, really really really fucking loud. It was just… it was too loud." Naruto stated simply.

"What then?"

He shuddered a bit, but continued nonetheless. "The black stuff on the ground turned into Kurotsuchi, well, I didn't know that she was Kurotsuchi at the time, because… she was hunched over and her hair covered her face and her chest was caved in. Then… she started laughing." He held his hand up to his head and winced.

"Eh, err… you don't have to go on if you don't want to." Temari said as soothingly as she could. Perhaps making him go over an extremely psychologically scarring event wasn't the best of things to do in the situation

"No, no. it's fine." Naruto waved her off. "She started laughing, then I got scared. So I asked her what her name was, because I didn't know who she was at the time. Then she… lifted her hair from her eyes. They were so pink. They were too pink. I got a lot more scared. After that… everyone else got up from the goop."

"Who?"

"Everyone. Just… Fu… Yugito… Mei… you." Naruto turned a sickly green at the recollection of all of their various states of distress, and wasn't able to elaborate on the details fully.

"Me?" Temari asked for clarification.

"Yeah, you were there too. Then... everyone started talking. Saying how I wasn't strong enough to protect everyone, how it was… my fault that everyone got hurt." He grew silent once more, but this time with an air of finality about it.

Temari sighed. "It wasn't your fault that everyone got hurt." She stated simply

"So why does it feel like it? Huh? You all followed _me_. You all nearly _died_. There was almost- there was almost a war because of _me_." At that point, Naruto had started to go hysterical in his ranting. Coming to illogical conclusions and not taking in input from Temari.

At that moment, he seemed extremely fragile. Like a child. Granted, he was a kid, but he always had autonomy and confidence and self-preservation. That was all gone now. In its place was fear, reliance, and need.

With all of the adrenaline of the waking and restraining of Naruto now gone, she laid her body back to where it was before and covered herself with the covers. The moon was still high in the sky, they had to get some sleep. "Come on, some actual sleep will help you forget about the nightmare."

Naruto mimicked Temari's actions and tried to get into a comfortable sleeping position, but failed every time he tried to. Finally, he asked "Hey… is it okay if we… cuddle?ff" Naruto whispered the last part out.

"Is it okay if we what?" Temari asked, eyes closed and ready for the night.

"Cuddle." Naruto stated louder.

Temari opened her eyes and quirked a brow in Naruto's direction. "Is that okay? You're with Kurotsuchi and all…"

Naruto wasn't able to come up a suitable answer as to why it was okay other than saying "I know, I just… please?"

She rolled over onto her side and raised an arm, beckoning him to crawl into her embrace. Doing so, she wrapped an arm around him and fell asleep almost immediately.

It was nice, she decided, to sleep whilst embracing someone. Comforting in an unknown, yet still pleasant way.

She even cracked a smile.

00000000

The next morning

Kankuro eyed the married couple warily. Temari had a look of satisfaction on her face even through the signs of slight sleep deprivation. Naruto's eyes had rings around them that were almost as bad as Gaara's. Gaara was looking between the two with an emotionless, but still heavy, stare.

"So what was up with all the ruckus last night?" Kankuro asked slowly. In truth, he didn't know if he wanted to know the answer, but his curiosity was eating at him.

"Hm?" Temari asked for clarification, still in her own little world.

"I mean, I heard Naruto screaming, then you screaming back at him, then he cried I think. I didn't want to check up on you guys because I was scared of what I might see." Kankuro elaborated.

"What were you afraid to see?" Naruto questioned.

"Uhmmm… well, you see…"

Gaara decided to finish his brother's thought process. "_I_ thought that Temari was raping you."

Temari chocked on her food, Kankuro get a nervous sweatdrop on the side of his head, and Naruto grinned despite himself.

"KANKURO!" Temari yelled.

"WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?"

She halted for a second before reproaching him with a slightly calmer demeanor. "That's not funny." She said vindictively. "Naruto had a bad nightmare."

Kankuro and Gaara nodded in understanding. The silence was only broken by Naruto's quiet sniggering.

"What's so funny?" Temari questioned.

"*hehehe* I don't- I don't know." Naruto started silently heaving with laughter. "I just- I just. It's just the way he said it." Naruto said, gesturing to Gaara.

Kankuro looked at Naruto strangely before he too stared to chuckle a little bit. The brat's laughing was contagious it seemed. Soon their combined laughter coerced Temari to join in as well.

Gaara merely looked at their frivolities with a black expression of confusion.

It was a funny sight. Three members of the Sabaku family were laughing hard enough that their laughter made the other two laugh harder, creating a chain of exponentially increasing laughter. This funny sight was only compounded by the fact that Gaara was looking at them all with a no-nonsense expression that only told of confusion.

Gaara pinched the bridge of his nose, irritated. "And people call me weird."

00000000

Later that day.

"I don't want to do this." Naruto whined

"Yes you do." Temari said in response

The blonde Jinchuuriki held up his hands with incredulity. "I'm supposed to be out getting stronger, not looking at flowers."

Temari gave him a tired look. "What you _need_ is to wind down. You just had a horrible nightmare. People who just experienced horrible, psychologically rending horror episodes aren't supposed to stress themselves out."

"Since when is looking at flowers relaxing? And staring at flowers instead of getting stronger is what's really stressing me." Naruto countered.

Temari sighed in annoyance. "You have clones out working in the desert in your stead. You _are_ getting stronger. Not only that, but we're not _just_ looking at flowers."

Naruto sweatdropped. "That's how it sounded to me when you described it." he grumbled to himself

Temari decided not to rise at the comment and just continue walking towards their destination. "We're almost there." She announced at some point.

Naruto looked around in confusion. They were still walking in the middle of Sunagakure. A place that was devoid of flowers. "Huh?" Naruto grunted in confusion.

She pointed ahead of them at a moderate to large sized building with the trademarked Sunagakure domed construct style. There were a lot of windows and holes cut into the sides and roofs as well. "That's the floral museum of Suna." Temari said.

"You have a museum for flowers?" Naruto asked.

"It's more than just a museum for flowers." Temari said, quick to correct him.

"Then what is the 'floral museum of Suna', if it's not a museum for flowers?"

"It's… You'll see." Temari replied.

When they got to the doors to get into the museum, Temari robotically lifted up a card to the man situated at the reception desk. He only glanced up at her for a fraction of a second before going back to what he was doing. It was like they had gone through that routine many times before.

She led him to the first room, which took up the majority of the building if Naruto's perception of spatial dimensioning was to be trusted. Inside there was a good amount of people inside looking at the different flora and fauna that permeated the space. The amount of people attending there, although not large by any account, was still a great deal more than Naruto was expecting.

Even if he was dragged here against his will, Naruto still looked around with no small sense of awe. When Temari said that they were going to 'look at flowers', this was not what he was expecting by any accounts. All around him were different flowers of all shapes and sizes. There were the more common ones, like tulips and roses, all the way to the really exotic ones, like cactus flowers and great palm flowers.

"Wow." Naruto said breathlessly.

"Mmhmm." Temari hummed smugly. "Told you."

"I'll give you that it's cool. But I'd still rather be training." Naruto said with his arms crossed over his chest. He started walking over to the nearest flower that caught his attention.

"It is cool." Temari granted him, walking beside him.

Naruto stood floored at a particularly strange bush of flowers. The flowers only resembled wild lilies at first glance, but upon closer inspection, it was seen that their petals were not petals at all, merely bunches of whisker-like projections jutting from a common point on the bulb. "What's that?" Naruto asked.

Temari nodded at its direction. "It's called the Fairy duster. Native to our northern deserts. Member of the pea family. Unique traits are the unusually long stamen bunches that grow out of the flower head."

Naruto stood in silence by the flower's appearance for a bit. "This is so…" Naruto finally said, searching for the correct words to describe his feelings towards the situation he was in.

"Cool? Awesome? Fantastic?" Temari said, trying to finish his sentence for him with an air of superiority.

"Weird." Naruto said with a grin. "Flowers like this exist?" immediately, his attention was collected by a different flower that was a few feet away from him and he quickly walked towards it.

"What's this one?" Naruto asked. The flower outcropping that he was pointing at was a shrub as well. The stem was a dark green, while the flowers, which seemed to almost completely cover the plant, were the same color with a bright, vibrant red on the tips of the petals. The juxtaposition of the dark on bright colors made it stand out more.

Temari quickly walked up to him and answered with a didactic tone of voice. "That's the Desert Indian Paintbrush. Native to our northern deserts as well. The red looking petals aren't actually petals, they're actually bracts that hide the small yellow flower inside of it." At the sound of that, Naruto lifted one of the petals to the side, exposing the small, tendril-like flower underneath it.

"Woah. There really is a small flower in there." Naruto said, mostly to himself. His attention was taken once again by a different plant. This cycle of Naruto getting lured in by a particularly cool looking flower, him going to look at it, and Temari telling him all that he ever needed to know about it continued on.

A shrub that had about 4 mounted spherical objects that sprouted flowers all coming out of a different stem. The flowers were a bright blue. "The Gray Ball Sage. Native to our Northern Deserts. Flowers sprout out of the bulb-like structures on the tips of the stems."

A larger shrub that had extremely thick leaves and small bunches of flowers located on the extreme parts of the stem. The flowers were white with a light amount of lavender on the extreme parts and tips of the petals. "The Stabragh. Native to our Eastern deserts. Flowers only bloom occasionally during the summer time."

A flower that sprouted out a single bulb which had four petals closed around a strange ball-like object in the middle. It was colored a light purple and the tips curled away slightly, giving a bell-like shape to it. "The Leather Flower. Native the Land of Lightning. The fruit structure is protected by four sepals that curl away very slightly at the bottom of the fruit.

A rose that had its stem split four ways and placed in different water containers containing water stores that were different colored. The result was a rose that had 4 very distinctly colored petals. Blue, Purple, Orange, and Yellow. "A common rose. Native to the Land of Fire. This one is different due to the fact that it is getting its water from 4 different colored water sources, creating a rainbow-like effect on its petals."

This game of flora/fauna trivia continued up until Naruto had exhausted himself of the different flowers that were all around him that he had any sort of interest in. Looking around distractedly, he asked Temari "What now?"

She thought for a moment before grabbing his hand and stalking off in the direction of another room. Said room had a sign under it saying 'Flower arranging.'

Inside, there were tables upon tables full of any different flowering plants among a myriad of vases to choose from. "This is my favorite." She said simply.

Temari immediately walked over to an open station, grabbed a vase and started to put flower in it with seemingly no order or sense of pattern. Naruto walked over to the same table while eyeing her cautiously. She was _really_ eager to start this.

He grabbed an available vase and absentmindedly started putting flowers in it at random. This soon attracted the attention of Temari, who asked "What are you trying to arrange?"

Naruto was taken aback by the sudden, strange question. "Flowers?"

She frowned. "Flower arranging is an art that is supposed to capture a certain feeling or emotion. Very much like painting. Think of something that you're trying to represent, then choose your flowers from there instead of the other way around."

"Oh… I see… I think." Temari went back to her arranging without another word edgewise. She was far too into her little world of 'flower art' for Naruto to bug her for advice. After thinking for a bit, he began to grab a hold of any and all flowers that had prickly bits to them. Shoving them all into the vase, he looked at it with an appraising eye, then grabbed a few delicate, beautiful red tulips and stuck them in as well. He rearranged it so the delicate flowers were poking out of the thorny flowers, giving greater emphasis on the beauty of the delicate flowers, but still giving room to see the thorny flowers in full exposure. "Okay, done." Naruto stated.

Temari looked from her arrangement and looked at his with a little bit of curiosity. "What's it meant to symbolize?" she asked.

"It's, uhh… it's the feeling that I get whenever I'm with Kurotsuchi?" Naruto said unsurely.

Temari grinned mischievously. "Thorned flowers?"

Naruto puffed his cheeks out childishly. "Yes."

"I think that you're going to have to explain that to me." Temari said.

"Well… she's… abrasive, mischievous, impersonal, sometimes mean, and rude." Naruto said with a straight face.

Temari quirked an eyebrow. "So… I'm confused."

"But." Naruto said, continuing on "She's also really nice, and fun to be around, and playful, and… her laugh is really nice." He said dreamily. Naruto gestured once more to the flower arrangement. "Sooo… yeah. I'm not really sure if that's what flower arrangement is, but I like it." he said defensively.

"Hm. That's actually kind of nice." Temari said.

Naruto crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Why do you sound so surprised? What's your flower arrangement supposed to be of anyway?"

Her arrangement had a base of ferns on the bottom with daisies sticking out intermittently. After that, there were violets stacked on top of the daisies and lilies with lavender sticking out of the very top. "Oh, nothing." She said.

Naruto decided to leave it at that and continue working on different flower arrangements. It might sound weird, but Naruto found it legitimately fun to do.

Once a few moments passed in a comfortable silence, Naruto tried to come up with inane conversation for white noise. "Why do you like flowers so much?" Naruto asked.

She shrugged and didn't say anything more.

"Nothing? How can you like flower arrangement so much and not know why?"

Temari shrugged once again and made an unintelligible grunting noise. "I don't know. Why do you like orange so much?"

"Because orange is awesome."

"And so are flowers." Temari replied without looking away from her project.

"Mm." Naruto replied intellectually. "I never really pegged you for a flower person."

Temari quirked a brow. "Why's that?"

"I don't know, it's just so feminine."

She narrowed her eyes to give him a caustic look. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I-I mean. It's not that I don't think that you're not feminine…"

"Mhmm." She hummed without releasing him from her gaze.

"I mean… You're not really feminine-"

The acidity of her gaze increased exponentially.

"But… ahhh… you know, I don't really like feminine girls." Naruto finally said.

Her gaze didn't slacken in the slightest.

Naruto chose his next words carefully. "You are… a girl that I didn't think would like flowers so much because I have believed up until this point that flowers were inherently feminine. Now, however, I see that flower appreciation is really cool and isn't either feminine or masculine." He said the entire statement about twice as slow as he normally would respond to things, trying to choose the words that made the most sense, and convey his message most accurately.

Her caustic stare lowered in intensity. "You have a real way with words." She said sarcastically.

Naruto laughed and nervously scratched the back of his neck. Going back to her project, she decided to ask a question of her own. "Why are you so obsessed with getting stronger?"

Naruto didn't even look up from his work to respond. "So I can protect the people precious to me." Temari looked like she was going to say something smarmy, so he decided to interject "What? Are you going to call me stupid for wanting to do that too?"

"Nothing like that. Remember our little 'oath' in the hospital? Get stronger so we can protect each other. That was the deal."

Naruto nodded cautiously. "What about it?"

She adopted a slightly melancholy look. "At some point in my life, I am going to die. It doesn't matter how strong you are, or how strong I am. I am going to die at some point."

"Yeah… what are you getting at?"

"Before that happens, I want to make good memories with my friends and loved ones. I want to serve my country well. I wanted to find love, but that might not be possible anymore because of the treaty."

"What does this have to do with me getting stronger?"

"What I'm saying is that It's okay to want to get stronger to protect your loved ones, but make sure that you make time for them. If you only train day in day out 24/7, you're only going to estrange yourself from the people that you want to protect. Then if you don't have anyone that you want to protect, what are you going to get stronger for?"

It was a rhetorical question and she knew it. A question that forced Naruto to rethink his world-view once more in the quest for understanding.

"So you're telling me to not get strong?"

"I'm just telling you that getting strong maybe shouldn't be your number one concern."

All throughout their conversation, Temari hadn't looked up from her work on the flower arrangement. Naruto noted that the look on her face was very different that the one that she usually wore around him and the villagers. Usually it was a mask of indifference and irritation, a face that was used to repel anyone from coming up to her and annoying her. But the mask seemed to slip in the presence of the flowers. She was gazing at the flowers with a carefree expression. A slight smile tugging at her lips and threatening to grow into a full-blown smile.

She was happy.

Maybe she was happy because she found out that she has someone else to talk to aside from her brothers and her sensei. Maybe she was happy because she was arranging flowers and was in her favored medium. Maybe she was happy because when expounding her world view and philosophical disposition, a person quietly listened and took to heart what she said.

That didn't matter. She was happy right now. Anybody would be able to see it, even a usually socially dense person like Uzumaki Naruto.

She was happy, and that make him happy.

Naruto's stomach growled and caused Temari to look up from her work. "Hungry?" she asked.

A small dusting of red graced his cheeks. She checked her watch to find out that it was late afternoon already. Time really flied when learning about flora it seemed.

"Want to go get dinner?" she asked.

"Well… I'm not that hungry. If you want to stay here, that's fine."

Another stomach growl pierced the silence that was imposed by Temari's lack of answering. Only this time it didn't belong to Naruto.

"So what were you thinking of for food?" Temari asked, abandoning the flora on the table for the exit of the room with Naruto walking right beside her.

"There any ramen in Suna?"

00000000

Somewhere at an undisclosed location

There was a circular table in the middle of a well-lit room. It was surrounded by 5 men sitting in a circular pattern with their various escorts and social advisors around their forms, most choosing to stand.

It was a clandestine meeting of the Daimyo's of the 5 great elemental nations.

There was a lot of social maneuvering to try and get that particular meeting set up and in place, a month later and they all were able to make it to a neutral country somewhere in the middle of the continent.

The cogs of bureaucracy moved very slowly.

All five of the villages deciding to come together and declare peace with each other had come as a huge shock to all the Daimyo's in power. However, they were powerless to stop it when it had been imposed on them. To back out of a combined treaty would be like signing a death warrant.

So they met to discuss the finer points and details that the treaty and its effects on the relationships between the nations themselves along with the various villages tied to them.

Needless to say, there was a lot of deliberations, petty back-stabbing, and bullshit political maneuvering at work here. Wouldn't be a meeting between politicians without some.

The daimyo for the land of Lightning got rather abrasive as a remark made by the daimyo of the land of Wind.

"And I'm telling you, if you don't give sovereignty over The Land of Meat, then I'm going to cut all trade of soy based products."

Not all of the Land of Wind was covered in wind, however, most of the population centers were in the middle of the desert located around oases. Even with the water there to give them arable land, they got most of their food from exports, the main one being soy from the land of lightning.

"If you dare to try to cut soy out of our trade deal, then I'll have no choice but to cut my supply of precious metals."

Even if the shinobi of the Land of Lightning didn't really see the need to partake in garish clothing and jewelry, a lot of the civilian population couldn't get enough of it. A cut of the precious metals could seriously undercut the economy in the Land of Lightning.

"If you get rid of the precious metals in our deal, then I'll cut off the oil supply."

"Try it! We'll get the oil we need from the Land of Earth. Isn't that right, Daimyo-san?"

The daimyo of the Land of Earth gave the daimyo of the Land of Wind a look that said 'Don't get me roped into this.'

This bickering continued in fashion until at one point the daimyo of the Land of Fire stood up to make an announcement.

Everyone grew quiet and waited for his belated speech. The daimyo had barely spoken all throughout the meeting, so everyone assumed that he had something of grave importance to say.

"We should…" the daimyo paused. Either because he forgot what he was going to say next, or for dramatic effect. But the other daimyo were guessing on the former. "…Host a ball."

Everyone blinked in confusion. "A-A ball?" The daimyo of the Land of Earth finally got out. "What for?"

"This meeting was to find a way to get along with each other. Was it not? That's not happening so much. So I think that we should host a ball."

"Why are you making Non Sequiturs?" The daimyo of the Land of Water asked.

The daimyo of the Land of Fire bent over slightly so he could hear from an advisor about what a non sequitur was. Standing straight once more, he addressed them all again. "I say that we host a ball so that we can all get to know each other better in a more fun, social environment."

The daimyo of the Land of Fire wasn't a very good leader of men. Most of the work went to the advisors that surrounded him, but what he did know how to do well was fanciful, over-the-top-garish, splendor-filled parties.

"…It's not a bad idea." The daimyo of the land of Earth acquiesced. "Nothing is getting done here. Might as well do it during a party."

"Would it be a ball for just the bureaucrats?" the daimyo of the Land of Lightning asked.

"I think we should invite the 6 ninja's to the ball as well. If this treaty is all based on them, I want to see them interact for myself." the daimyo of the Land of Sind said.

"What about me? The ninjas in my country are going through a civil war right now. I can't show favoritism. That's how daimyos die." The daimyo of the Land of Water said.

"Naturally, we'll hold it a neutral country. You can invite both parties under the condition that nobody kills each other?" The daimyo of the Land of Fire said.

After a few more rounds of deliberations, all the daimyos agreed on a place and a date for the ball to take place.

Why wait? The sooner the better.

Omake

"Naruto, I don't feel comfortable doing this."

"Don't be a prude Gaara, this is going to be awesome."

The dynamic duo were walking side by side in the middle of the street while wearing large, inflatable, blue suits that bore significant resemblance to jelly beans.

"I still don't understand the joke." He replied emotionlessly.

"I told you before. This chick, Nazo no Sakkaku said that 'nobody would think that big blue jelly beans chasing you would be a real thing.' So we're going to scare her, because we really are big blue jelly beans.

This plan was fool-proof.

"Why do I need to help out?" Gaara asked.

"Because people are still scared of you. The best way to get rid of fear is to get people to laugh."

"You have some sort of experience with this I presume."

"Something like that. Oh! There she is." Naruto said, moving his head in the direction that Nazo was walking to. "On my mark… Go!"

Naruto jumped out of cover and ran full sprint to his genjutsu instructor while he was in full big blue jelly bean get-up. Nazo narrowed her eyes humorlessly and roundhouse kicked him across the temple. Because the suit inhibited movement, he was only able to brace himself and take it like a little bitch.

Gaara stopped in his tracks and looked at the now unconscious Uzumaki. Looking at Nazo, he remarked "I'm sorry for your time." He then bowed respectively and left the scene.

Nazo looked down on the unconscious Uzumaki. "You really need to work on not being an idiot."

**AN/ The update speed has lessened as I'm sure you've noticed. This is mostly due to the fact that I've been trying to get a good base on my other story, and I've not had a lot of free time as of late.**

**Other than that, tell me what you think.**

**Temari seems to be getting rather comfortable around Naruto.**

**There's a ball being set up**

**Gaara isn't much for cosplay.**

**Read and review. It makes everyone happy, but mostly me.**

**As always, have a gentlemanly day.**


	24. the ball

Chapter 24

Several weeks later

"I don't like my dress. It's too frilly." Kurotsuchi stated, pulling at her pink Victorian style ball gown. It was the only dress that she owned and it was made special for this occasion.

"You look great." Naruto said sympathetically. "Unlike me. I'm like a penguin." Naruto said in reference to his own state of dress, which consisted of a lavish tuxedo and frilly undershirt. He emphasized his statement by waddling around like a penguin and making bird noises.

Kurotsuchi stifled laughter. The ball was proceeding in the background to them. It was slow compared to their lifestyle. People languidly flowed across the floor. The music tempo never reached any of the greater levels. The waiters all carried their platters of wine and other finger foods with expert precision.

Maybe it was due to the fact that they were ninja that they just couldn't mingle and have fun.

"I know brat. I can pull off a tux look, but that doesn't stop it from _feeling_ silly." Jiraya said to his right, wearing a tuxedo eerily similar to that of his student.

Tsunade walked up behind him to add her own two cents. "There's nothing in the world that you could wear that you wouldn't manage to look silly in." Tsunade was wearing a slightly more modern ball gown than Kurotsuchi was, although it under-emphasized her breast size, probably to make the various lords and daimyos take her slightly more seriously. It was one thing to know that she could turn them to paste, but people often forgot about that fact when they were too busy ogling at her chest area.

"That hurts Tsunade-chan." Jiraya said with a feigned expression of hurt.

As Jiraya and Tsunade continued to talk back and forth, Naruto nervously glanced at Kurotsuchi. "Sooo… this _is_ a dance… would you like to go dance?"

Kurotsuchi quirked a brow at his nervous behavior. "Sure, but I don't really know how to dance at all."

Naruto brightened up "That's okay, I'll lead." Under direct orders of the hokage and his grandmother figure, Naruto was forced into dancing lessons for this occasion. Everything from ball-style to salsa to Irish jig. If there was a type of dance to master, then he mastered it. Shadow clones were the best for things like that.

Jiraya had also emphasized the importance and significance of asking someone to dance with them. From his perspective, asking someone to dance was asking that someone to share a moment in time where they both, using his words, fade into a bliss of physical and emotional pleasure.

Jiraya was just messing with him. But that didn't make it any less fun to watch.

Kurotsuchi and Naruto took to the dance floor where Naruto directed her hands to rest on his shoulders while he grabbed her waist. The flow of the music was a medium-fast rhythmic tempo with a classical lilt to it. Naruto began mentally counting his steps as he led Kurotsuchi across, around, through, and in between the floor, spinning all the way. If Kurotsuchi was surprised by his skill in dance, she didn't let it show through.

Most of the guests all paused to look at them dance together. They knew who the ninja were based on sight alone, but the thing that they were more focused on was the way that they danced. It was as if they added something extra to their movements. A sense of expediency, or a sharpness to the way they turned and moved. To a non-shinobi, it was a mesmerizing sight.

Kurotsuchi laughed mid-twirl, prompting Naruto to laugh as well. Considering the lack of fun that he had during the classes, actually dancing with the person he liked was… nice. It was a nice feeling dancing with someone intimately.

"So how's your training going?" Kurotsuchi asked as they continued to flow and twirl all across the dance floor.

"I'm getting good with the Nuibari. I've also almost gotten to the one fourth mark in my affinity training. How's your training going."

"I can spit globs of quicklime already mixed in with water, instead of spitting the powder and then saturating it with water."

"Really? How'd you do that?"

"It's umm… it's difficult to explain to someone without the kekai genkai for it."

"I'll have to take your word for it then- Brace yourself, time for the dip." Naruto said with a grin.

"Dip?-" Kurotsuchi made a half-squeaking sound as Naruto suddenly held her by the back and lowered her to the point where her hair was almost touching the ground.

As he pulled her back upwards, the sound of applause pattered out all around them. Apparently, at some point all the guests gave them the floor to themselves so they could dance without restriction. It went unnoticed to them until the guests all clapped in amazement at their conclusion.

Naruto and Kurotsuchi blushed a bit as they all of the sudden became the center of attention. Nobles from all over the country walked over to them and tried to make casual conversation. There were things like: Are you going to have a proper ceremony for your wedding? What rank are you? Are you going to marry again? Are you happy with your married life? How do you manage to keep sane while sharing him with 4 other women?

All of these questions bombarded them at once. Naruto and Kurotsuchi tried to answer all of them in turn, but were often side-tracked by another question. As this continued and the married couple only got more and more confused, they shared a look before vanishing in a puff of smoke. Body Flickering away to get some air. The guests looked shocked and confused at first, before they reminded themselves that the people they were talking to were shinobi, people who by their very nature were secretive and capable of doing all sorts of strange things.

They poofed away to their vantage point by the legendary pervert and the legendary sucker. "Nice moves kid." Jiraya commented.

"Thanks pervert." Naruto said distractedly as he looked all around the great hall. "Has no one else shown up yet?"

Jiraya and Tsunade too began to look around with Naruto. "Doesn't look like it." Tsunade said. "They might just be running late." Even if the invitation only specified that the ones involved directly in the marriage should come by, Tsunade decided that it would be imperative that Naruto should also arrive with at least a little bit of protection. It didn't have anything to do with the fact that Tsunade wanted to go to a formal ball, not one bit.

Just as she said that, Fu trepidatiously walked into the great hall, taking great care to not be seen. Naruto noticed her right away and waved in her direction to get her attention.

Noticing the very enigmatic individual, Fu fast-walked to the little group of formally dressed ninja. "Hey Fu." Naruto said once she was within earshot.

"Hey Naruto." She replied with a forced smile. She seemed… distressed somehow.

"Is something wrong?" Naruto asked with a concerned expression.

"No, nothing's wrong… it's just that I don't really like crowds all that much." Fu was a very introverted person, preferring to spend time with one person at a time rather than a large group of people, so it made sense that she wouldn't feel very comfortable here. She wasn't afflicted by it all that much when she was in the open, but that was only because she knew that she could flee the scene rather easily if push came to shove. She couldn't do that here, in the ballroom, where there were a lot of peering eyes all concentrated on her.

Naruto wasn't really able to understand this, being the moderately extroverted person he was, but without anything else to say on the matter, he let it drop. Tsunade had decided that punctuality would be of the essence, so she decided that her, Jiraya, and Naruto should arrive there on time. A sentiment that was not shared with all of the nations, as only Kurotsuchi and now Fu had yet to arrive.

Speaking of Fu, she decided to wear an orange party dress that exposed the midriff and the back as well as lot of her legs. If anyone else had worn what she was wearing, they would come off as sultry. Fu, however, had an air about her that denoted that the only reason that she wore it was so it gave better ease of movement. Much like her common attire.

Fu looked around the party hall and noticed how lavishly everyone was all dressed up. Most of the lords and ladies there were wearing extremely limiting clothing such as tuxedoes, suits, ball gowns, and other such wear. She visibly began to shrink inwards to herself. "I didn't know that this was going to be such a formal thing." She explained.

"Don't worry about it." Naruto said with a smile. "The whole point of this thing is to have fun. So if you have fun, then nobody'll notice."

"I like your dress." Kurotsuchi commented amicably.

"Oh, thanks. I like yours too. I had to borrow this one from my friend, Takkana."

"Yeah that's right. How's it going with getting new friends in Taki?" Naruto asked. Jiraya cringed at that remark. The negotiations to get Fu on the same trip with Naruto had broken down. Pro tip for negotiating with powerful leaders of nations: don't assume what would be best for the nation that they're taking care of.

"It's going good. People are treating me better when I head in the village."

"Were they not before?" Kurotsuchi asked.

Naruto and Fu shared a look. "Jinchuuriki aren't really… liked." Naruto explained.

This confused Kurotsuchi. "Since when? I don't mind Han or Roshi. They're the Jinchuuriki in iwa."

"That's just because… well, when I was a baby, Chomei got unsealed and killed a lot of people in our village. I guess that I'm just a reminder of that." Naruto nodded along with that statement.

"But now that we're the things that are keeping the peace between the nations, everyone is treating us better." Naruto added. Kurotsuchi nodded in slight understanding.

The sound of the music changed tempo rather drastically. It became much faster paced, prompting a good amount of the guests to take to the floor and show off their skills.

Fu became rather antsy at the sound of the music, looking like she wanted to move and dance as well.

"Do you want to dance?" Naruto asked, noticing her state of restlessness

"I don't know how."

"It's easy, I'll show you." Naruto took Fu's hand and sped off to the floor, not noticing Kurotsuchi's ire.

Tsunade saw the look on Kurotsuchi's face and decided to comment. "Oh, liven up. It's a dance and there's only one of him to go around five of you. Or at least there will be when everyone shows up."

Kurotsuchi sighed in defeat. "Yeah yeah. I know."

A poof of smoke lighted up near the group of shinobi and a slightly sleep deprived Yugito came out of it. "Is this the right hall?" she asked. Some of the civilian guests looked shocked at the sudden arrival of the wife from Cloud, but quickly dismissed it as more shinobi shenanigans.

"Yup." Jiraya stated.

"Good. This place has too many halls and not enough signs." Yugito was wearing a purple flowing dress that hugged her curves. It trailed off into two split tails that lightly graced the floor. She spied Naruto trying to teach Fu an Irish jig in the middle of the dance floor. She wasn't taking to it too well, but seemed to be able to laugh at her own failures, more often than not prompting Naruto to join in as well. Their presence really livened up the party's mood. "What have I missed so far?" she asked.

"Nothing much." Tsunade said. "Some formalities at the beginning, but nothing other than that."

"Good. Sorry I was late, but I was held up looking for a dress. Bee helped out though, so it didn't take as long."

"Bee?" Jiraya asked. They had met each other in passing, but the toad sage was able to glean that the hachibi Jinchuuriki probably wasn't the best of people to ask for dressing advice.

"I just picked the thing that he didn't choose." Yugito said simply. "So what do I do now?"

"It's a dance. So dance." Tsunade said.

"I don't dance."

"Then socialize."

"I don't socialize."

"Eat finger foods."

"I hate finger foods."

Tsunade held up her hands in defeat. Spying a waiter carrying a champagne bottle and glasses, she lifted the entire thing off the platter. "Then it looks like it's time to get you drunk off your rocker." She said with a grin.

The building that they were situated in was built a long time ago in the outskirts of the Land of Rain. Due to its limited military strategic value, it was mostly kept away from in terms of fighting and destruction when it weathered both the second and third shinobi wars. The particular hall that the dance was taking place in had a large, vaulted ceiling held up by thick roman-style columns intermitted along the edges of the dance floor. There were a great deal of round tables made of pure white marble. The band that played on the edge of the floor had a variety of instruments and players for nearly any type of musical genre that the lords and ladies wanted to take part in. to emphasize the sense of decadence and splendor, the Water Daimyo even contracted a swathe of builders to put up an aquarium full of exotic fishes along the far side of the hall just days prior to the event.

Even if he wasn't usually impressed such shows of wealth and power, when he first arrived Naruto was struck by the sheer weight that the room imposed on him and all others that entered there.

Speaking of Naruto, he and Fu were currently dancing rather erratically all over the dance floor. Naruto was kicking rapidly all over the floor in a sequential rhythm to make the quintessential tapping sounds that Irish jigs were known for. Fu on the other hand, was taking graceful leaps through the air around Naruto and came on the floor hard to compliment his own tapping. The difference between the two styles of dance made the beginning very awkward, but as they progressed, they struck a very nice rhythm. It was a commanding sight to see them dance and fly through the air with grace.

Eventually the song began to go through the finishing stages. To make the dance come to an explosive finish, Fu took one last great leap through the air in the direction of Naruto, making sure that he saw her do so. With an almost practiced ease, he caught her just as the song hit the last note. It was almost as though they practiced the dance for months when in reality, they just had such similar ways of thinking that they came to the correct conclusions concurrently with each other.

Naruto and Fu huffed as they remained in that position, staring into each other's eyes as the sound of applause surrounded him. Naruto broke into a smile. "That was pretty fun."

Fu smiled back at him with closed eyes. "Yeah, it was."

Before any of the guests had any chance to comment, Fu grabbed a tight hold on Naruto, sprouted a pair of translucent red wings from her back, and took flight. The wings hummed lightly as she started to fly around with Naruto nearly screaming in fright. "F-F-Fu?" Naruto asked.

She adjusted her hold on him so that his back was pressed against her torso. "Didn't you say to have fun?" she giggled into his ear.

Naruto was afraid what would happen if he opened his mouth to speak once more.

"Don't worry about it and just have fun." The air began to woosh around Naruto as Fu sped up and started doing lazy circles around the ceiling of the hall. Most guests gazed up in wonder at the laughing Fu and her slightly freaked out husband.

Temari, who had just entered, looked at the sight above her with a little bit of amusement. Her party attire consisted of a tight lavender robe that opened up down the middle revealing a mesh undershirt. On her shoulders was a yellow cloak that complimented the rest of her dress. Looking around for anybody else that she knew, she spied a mop of black-pink hair talking to Yugito Nii.

"No way." She whispered to herself. Walking up to the speaking pair, she asked "Pinkutsuchi?"

Kurotsuchi turned around to face Temari and almost immediately regretted it.

Temari, who at the time was having a hard time keeping in her amusement, suddenly let the dam break and began guffawing in great huffs of air. Kurotsuchi's only option in that situation was to sit quietly and glower at the laughing wind user.

This laughing took a great deal longer than Kurotsuchi or even Yugito expected it to. "I can't- I can't- I can't believe that you dyed your hair pink." Temari finally managed to get out.

Blushing in indignation and embarrassment, Kurotsuchi replied. "Naruto did it. Not me."

"Naruto dyed your hair pink?" Yugito asked. When she mentioned the change of appearance to Kurotsuchi, she replied with clipped answers, denoting that she didn't really want to talk about it.

"Yup." She said with a tone of barely suppressed anger. "When I was asleep, he bleached and dyed my hair pink."

"How did he manage that?"

"I'm a heavy sleeper. But I got him good after that. Completely soaked him with paint." Her tone turning into one of amusement.

Temari sat down and took notice of the rest of the table for the first time. Next to Yugito there was a large amount of empty champagne glasses along with an empty champagne bottle lying on its side. The seat to her right was thrown back, meaning that someone had sat there until recently. She understood why almost immediately as she saw a very drunk Tsunade stumbling in the distance for a waiter to get her more booze.

"The champagne is a lot stronger than the hokage thought I guess." Yugito said, twirling a glass around in circles. "I'm immune to the intoxicating effects of alcohol, but I didn't tell her that." The Jinchuuriki said coyly.

Tsunade started harassing a poor, blond-haired waiter who had his hair slicked all the way back just like the rest of the waiters. She looked like she was about to come to blows to get the alcohol that the waiter was refusing, but even being a civilian, he could probably sidestep any swing that the Hokage sent his way just because of how drunk and disoriented she was.

Yugito huffed in amusement. "I've never seen someone get so shit-faced drunk so fast."

"How long did it take?" Temari asked.

"'Bout 10 minutes." Kurotsuchi replied.

Temari's eye brows rose in disbelief. "10 minutes?! I thought she was a heavy drinker."

The glass that Yugito was twirling around fell on its side, sending a soft clunking sound all around the table. There were many more similar glasses surrounding it. "She _is_ a heavy drinker. She just drinks fast."

A soft tapping sound took their attention away from the glass and towards Mei, who was using a walking stick to help support her right side. "Hello everyone." She said cheerfully. She was wearing a traditional Kimono that had wave patterns transitioning from a deep blue to a soft green as it traveled upwards. The tapping sound came from her walking stick, which she leaned heavily against. The walking stick was long, allowing her to walk without hunching over.

"What happened to you?" Kurotsuchi asked.

Mei merely smiled and simply stated "A tree fell on me. Is everyone here?"

Yugito hummed a positive.

Mei looked around with a little bit of confusion. "Where's Naruto and that other girl?"

Temari pointed upwards to the flying Fu and Naruto, who, by the look of it, was really getting into the whole 'flying' thing. Mei looked at them with amazement apparent on her features. "She can fly?"

"Well, she _is_ the Nanabi Jinchuuriki."

"She's a Jinchuuriki?"

Yugito nodded. "Yup, so am I. Why do you seem so surprised? You must have at least heard of this."

"I've been slightly preoccupied waging war against a totalitarian racist fear-monger." Mei said, taking a seat of her own and sighing audibly in relief. "What about you two?" she asked Kurotsuchi and Temari. "Are you Jinchuuriki as well?"

"Nope, but I do have the lava release kekai genkai."

"I'm just good with wind release."

Mei gave Kurotsuchi a knowing smile. "Really? I have the lava release kekai genkai too."

"You do?" The lava release kekai genkai is arguably the one kekai genkai that is most diffused across the elemental nations, even so, meeting a person who is born with the kekai genkai is very uncommon. Even more uncommon is becoming aware that you're a sister wife to one.

"Yes, I assume that you use quicklime or other such corrosives in your fighting style." Although any lava release user could feasibly use any sort of lava release jutsu, the villages usually specialize in a single aspect. Iwa generally focusses on corrosives and other chemically based jutsus, Kiri focuses on the actual molten rock form of lava, while Kumo focuses mostly on rubber forms of the lava release.

"Yeah, and you use the melted rock kind?"

"Mostly." Mei eyed the women around her with slightly more deference than before. "Well aren't we the motley crew?" she stated. This was the first time that she was meeting them in a social setting. Not having done her homework on the various females involved, she didn't know that they were actually accomplished shinobi that had extremely rare traits associated with them. Namely, being Jinchuuriki or another bloodline limit user like her.

Naruto and Fu alighted next to their table with a small humming sound. Naruto had a shit-eating grin on his face that didn't seem to be capable of going away, while Fu just seemed amused at his own state of affairs. His grin quickly vanished however, as Naruto soon realized who was sitting at the table they were situated at. "Mei?"

She gave him a reassuring closed-eye smile. "Hey hubby. Haven't seen you for a while."

"A-Are you okay to be here?" Naruto dumbly asked.

"It's fine. A little bit hard to walk, but that should go away in a week or so."

"I-I… I just…" Naruto seemed at a loss for words.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry that I wasn't able to help you fight. It's my fault that you got hurt as bad as you did." Naruto said dismally, lowering his head to the point where she couldn't see his eyes through his hair.

Mei began to laugh long and harmoniously. She remained doing so until he grew the courage to lift his head up and see the reason for her doing so. "Come here." She ordered melancholically.

Naruto walked to her slowly until she was within grabbing range. Then, she took a hold of his arm and brought him over onto her lap for a comforting hug. "Don't be stupid. The only reason that I'm alive is because of you."

The rest of the table group looked at the scene with surprised eyes. "Am I missing something?" Kurotsuchi asked.

"Well." Mei started. "On the second day of our week together, there was a raid headed by the Mizukage. Naruto insisted that he help to take care of the grunts while I met and battled with the mizukage head on. At some time during my fight with him, he grew coral into my right thigh and knocked a tree down on me, crushing my ribcage." The eyes of the all of members of the table lighted up with concern. "Oh don't worry, I got scored a few hard hits too. Then once my corrosive steam vanished, Naruto pulled the log off of me, which saved my life."

"I should have done more." Naruto stated.

"You couldn't have." Mei said. "If you walked into the corrosive steam, you would have melted into a very sludgy liquid."

Naruto still looked distressed at the thought of his own supposed weakness, but let it slide for now, seeing as he didn't have anything to counter her argument. Fu took a seat at the table and after a final squeeze by Mei, Naruto took a seat by Kurotsuchi.

"You've gotten better at controlling Chomei's chakra Fu. You didn't even have to spawn a full cloak to use the wings." Yugito commented

Fu bashfully rubbed the back of her neck. "Thanks. I've been practicing a lot."

"What about you Naruto? How far have you gotten on controlling Kurama's chakra?" Yugito asked.

A grumbling sound resonated from the back of Naruto's head. Kyuubi still didn't like other people using its real name. "Not so good. I've been trying, but it's not getting any easier."

"It might still be a bit too early for you then."

"What? Why can Fu do it but not me?"

"Adolescent Jinchuuriki have a lot of trouble trying to control their bijuu's chakra. Fu's a year older than you right now, so it stands to reason that she'll be better suited to learning how to handle Chomei's chakra. She and Chomei also are on better terms than you and Kurama, which might have something to do with her progress."

"I'm sorry, but who're Chomei and Kurama?" Mei asked.

"Chomei is the Nanabi and Kurama is the Kyuubi."

"They have names?" Kurotsuchi asked.

"Well… yeah. Their people too, just really big and made out of chakra." Sometimes Yugito forgot that people didn't know that bijuu were sentient beings that were capable of rational, cognizant thought. She was just so used to Matatabi talking to her that it had stopped being abnormal to her long ago.

"What's your bijuu's name then?" Mei asked

00000000

As Naruto and his harem continued to talk, get to know each other better, and find out the inner complexities of being a Jinchuuriki, six people sat at a table together and didn't say anything.

It was the kind of 'not saying anything' that didn't denote a tense or dismal atmosphere, no this form of 'not saying anything' was purely awkward.

All the kage seemed to have the same idea of coming with their respective members of the treaty, and It also seemed that the five kage of the hidden villages (plus one Sannin) didn't have much to talk about. This wasn't helped by the fact that Tsunade was smashed beyond belief and barely conscious at the moment.

Ai looked across the table at the other kage. He was wearing a suit that was far too tight for his frame, it looked like if he made any sort movement or muscle flex, then he was going to tear directly through it. Onoki was looking dapper and dandy for an older gentlemen, wearing an old fashioned tuxedo that was suited for his size. Baki, the representative from Suna, was wearing the traditional formal clothes from Sand, which consisted of a long, beige robe. And Yagura was wearing a normal, sea green tuxedo.

"So how's the training camp going?" Ai asked as amicably as he could, trying to drum up conversation.

There was a chorus of 'good' all around the table, even by Tsunade, who was barely able to sit without falling over.

"Have there been any… new developments?" Onoki asked before taking a sip from his champagne.

All around the table, the various kage shook their heads, not even bothering to use their vocal chords.

"How is the… treaty going?" Jiraya asked.

The mention of this prompted all the kage to look over to Naruto's table, where there was laughter and general frivolities all around. One by one, they all looked away and went back to their own state of awkward interaction.

Baki snuck a look at the table where the Daimyo were. They weren't even making any attempts to enjoy the dance, instead preferring to play a game of blackjack.

"Okay, screw this." Onoki stated before taking a deck of cards out of his sleeve and begin dealing them out to the other kage. "The daimyo have the right idea. Texas hold 'em. No bets. Aces wild."

Again, without making any sounds of vocal recognition, they all took up the cards and began playing the game of cards.

00000000

"This isn't going to go according to plan, yeah." The blonde waiter said to the black haired waiter.

"Just do what we've planned so far. We'll have to make up the rest along the way." The black haired waiter said in return.

The blonde waiter had a large amount of black eye shadow going on and was wearing gloves to hide the mouths on his hands. The only defining characteristics of the black haired waiter were the eye troughs going vertical beside his nose.

These two were Deidara, the mad bomber; and Itachi, the clan killer. They, along with the rest of Akatsuki were tasked with obtaining the three-tailed Jinchuuriki, Yagura of the hidden mist.

Deidara looked dissatisfied with his temporary partner's answer. "Can you remind me why we're taking him and not the other three Jinchuuriki here?"

"Because one, we didn't know that they members of the treaty were going to be here, and two, getting rid of the doctorial Yagura has a lesser chance of making everyone combine their forces to kill us rather than getting rid of those three."

Deidara was still confused. "But why do we all need to be here? The only ones not here are leader-sama, and Konan."

"The substance that Sasori put in the champagne won't affect Jinchuuriki."

"But it'll affect the kage? Aren't kage immune to poison?"

"The substance that Sasori made isn't any sort of poison or sort of artificial drug."

"What is this _substance_ anyway? When he tried to describe it too me, it didn't make any sense."

"It's practically just a venom along with an abrasive substance. The abrasive substance makes small cuts in the esophagus, while the venom enters the bloodstream. From my understanding, it was very difficult to synthesize into a tasteless substance, so most of the effectiveness that the venom normally would have is now gone."

"That makes a lot more sense. So are we going to slit the throats of the kage when they take their little nap?"

"We're mercenaries, not murderers. Killing off our client base isn't the most effective way to make money."

"Fair enough, yeah. When are we going to start?"

"When everyone that poses a threat to us are safely wracked with nervous system hemorrhaging."

"And the Jinchuuriki? And the under-aged?"

"We'll figure something out."

At the very back of the hall, a pair of yellow eyes peered through the recesses of a large aquarium. A man with silver hair that was currently _not_ slicked back silently played a flute amongst the band members, his normal hairstyle prevented him from entering the ball as a waiter, who all had slicked back hair, out of fear that he might get recognized. A large fern almost quivered with excitement at the far ends of the hall. The eyes of a marble statue flicked momentarily to the left, then back to its original position. Another, rather well-built and tall waiter with tan skin served finger foods to a pair of giggling ladies.

For now, the members of the Akatsuki were biding time.

00000000

There was another round of laughter from Naruto's table.

"You mean- you mean to tell me. That you thought _Naruto_ raped you?" Temari gasped out between bouts of laughter.

"It was a weird morning." Yugito said with hands raised in mock defense. Naruto nodded, agreeing with her sentiments.

They were currently regaling all their times with Naruto, as more often than not, something happened that was worth at least a good amount of laughter.

"Oh! Remember the Battle of Painted Rock?" Kurotsuchi asked Naruto. "I got you so fucking good with all those paint balloons."

"The only thing I remember about that day was how pissed you were at me for dyeing your hair pink." Naruto said.

Another round of laughter graced the table at the expense of Kurotsuchi. They were all getting along rather well. Even if they were brought into this situation hating and despising it, they all got to know one another and had become genuine friends. Even Mei, who had limited interaction with them up until then, felt like she was instantly a part of something that she had never experienced before.

Friendship was cool like that.

The band started playing a light, lyrical sounding music. It was the soundtrack most associated with the Waltz.

Without saying another word, Naruto got up from his chair and spawned 4 shadow clones. They circled the table and offered their hand to each of the five women. "Could I have this dance?" they all asked synchronously. "It's really easy." The Naruto's all assured them. "All you have to do is follow my footsteps."

Yugito grinned playfully and replied "I don't see why not." She then took his hand and followed him to the dance floor. Each of the other women in turn took his hand and let him lead them away to the floor.

The waltz is a rather simple dance style. It operates on a 3-step rotation which repeats itself rhythmically. As shinobi, learning different movements and adapting them to muscle memory quickly was part of their job description. Seeing as the dance is simple in nature, the five women soon had the moves committed to memory and were making graceful movements in turn with their personal Naruto.

Fu winced slightly as she accidentally stepped on Naruto's toes. She was having a harder time getting the movement in sync than the rest and the disappointment showed on her face.

Naruto almost had to laugh at the expression that she was showing. "Come on Fu, don't think about it so much. Just let it happen." She gave her first real friend a simple smile. A smile that showed her appreciation towards Naruto as he put up with her sometimes stepping on his toes and causing him discomfort.

Mei, without her cane to support her anymore, had to rest far more heavily on Naruto's left side as they circled around the dance floor. The only adverse effect left from her fight was a small amount nerve damage in her right leg, making it harder, although not impossible, to dance in tune with Naruto.

"I'm still sorry." Naruto stated.

Mei sighed with her trademarked smile on her face. "Naruto, trying to take on the responsibility of the world on your shoulders will only leave you crushed under its weight. It's my fault that I got injured in that fight. Now stop worrying so much and dance with me." She said softly.

Yugito smirked downwards at Naruto. "Have you grown? You're a bit taller than you were in Cloud."

"Am I?" Naruto asked with a surprised expression that soon turned into one of excitement "Awesome! I must be getting my growth spurt."

"But don't get too tall." Yugito warned. "I might just lose my hugging pillow if you get taller than me."

"I'm more than just a hugging pillow you know." Naruto said in deadpan.

"I know you are. But that's not going to stop me from treating you like one."

Temari gave Naruto a mischievous smile. "Aren't you the bold one? Asking all your wives to dance while in the presence of your girlfriend."

Naruto chuckled. "It's not like that. Dancing is fun."

"You say that, but I think that you really are a polygamist deep down in your psyche."

Naruto almost groaned. "You and your big words. Is polygamist even a real word?"

"Polygamy is the practice of taking multiple wives upon your own volition."

"Don't joke about that."

"I'm not. I'm just saying that married for life is a long time. Who knows? You might just get a little bit more than chummy with someone else." Temari said while looking at the dancing pair of Fu and her clone.

"Fu? We're friends."

Temari saw the look that Fu gave her clone. She had seen the way that Fu looked at other people before. Fu usually held a mask of meekness upon her face, but whenever she was in the presence of Naruto, she instantly removed it to show what she was really feeling.

"For now." Temari said almost knowingly.

Kurotsuchi and Naruto looked into each other's eyes as they danced, not talking much, just enjoying the other's presence.

"You still owe me for dyeing my hair pink." Kurotsuchi finally stated.

"I thought we were even."

"We'll never be even."

Naruto seemed to ponder that statement for a bit. "Okay, is there anything I could do to even the scales? Even just a little bit?"

Kurotsuchi pondered his question as well. "Hmmm… I can think of one thing." She said slyly.

As they twirled around each other and in sync with the other pairs, Kurotsuchi closed her eyes and leaned forward until she was kissing her boyfriend.

The remained like that for a while. Still managing to sidestep the other pairs as they stayed in the waltz position. Naruto cracked open his eye slightly to make sure he didn't collide into any furniture, or stray away from the floor. Out of the corner of his eye, Naruto saw that they table where all the kage were had a lot of completely smashed kage fallen down on its surface. Naruto didn't understand what it was about alcohol that attracted people to it, but decided not to dwell on it too much and just enjoy his time with Kurotsuchi.

He probably should have taken in his surrounding more effectively, because everything exploded around them not much later.

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**Have a gentlemanly day.**


	25. the Flannigan's ball

Chapter 25

There's a certain order of operations that shinobi must undertake when under an ambush. Step one is to immediately protect the target that the offenders might be trying to kill, destroy, or kidnap. If there is nothing that is being protected, then the first step is to regroup forces and get a better vantage point of the situation.

As soon as the explosion was heard, the five pairs of dancers immediately jumped away to their table in order to get away from the attackers and assess the situation. Both Mei and Yugito were using their bodies to cover Naruto in case the assailants were going after him. This was more a reflex than anything, seeing as the Narutos that they were protecting were clones

With step one all finished and dandy, they moved on to step two, which was to keep calm and assess the situation.

"What the fuck is going on!" Naruto screamed over the sound of explosions.

There were chunks of granite being flown into the air from great blasts of heat and fire. The civilians that were capable of walking all ran and shoved their way to the hall doors. A slightly quivering fern that was keeping guard let them go on their way. Luckily enough for the guests, the hall doors were gaping huge, so they were able to file out with minimal hassle.

Naruto spawned a clone. "Get the Nuibari!" even if they were shinobi, it wasn't exactly polite etiquette to bring large swords to a formal event. So they left it at the front doors.

"And my fan!" Temari shouted after it. As it was, her combat potential was reduced greatly without her fan.

"And my sword!" Kurotsuchi shouted after it as well.

As the group watched the clone run in the direction of the front doors, they got into a circle position. Yugito extended her nails; Mei and Kurotsuchi brought their hands out, ready to make signs to create lava jutsus; Fu spawned water swords in both hands; and Temari drew two hand fans from the bodice of her clothing.

Then they waited. As a rule, it wasn't the best of ideas to wait in position while the enemy was attacking, but this situation wasn't exactly the norm. Explosions rocked the middle of the dance floor while a small man in a green tux ran and jumped through them, looking none worse for wear. Other than that, there were no visible attempts made by anyone to attack them.

"What's happening?" Naruto asked once more.

Fu narrowed her eyes. "It's the akatsuki."

"How do you know?"

"Those explosions go off from a small clay-like figure." Fu pointed out. "The guy who uses those is the guy that blew my face off." She said with an angry expression on her face.

"So, what do we do now?" Temari asked.

Mei narrowed her eyes at the man jumping in between the explosions. "That's Yagura their trying to kill."

Naruto seemed shocked by this. "What? He's here?"

Mei nodded. "This is a neutral zone, so we can't fight each other without suffering the wrath of the other nations. I decided it was probably a better idea not to interact with him during the dance and I also didn't mention it to make a situation."

Kurotsuchi was connecting dots. "You hired the akatsuki to kill him?"

"Nope. This is a surprise to me."

"Well, shit."

"Indeed."

"That's all fine and good, but what do we do now?"

"You leave." A voice said with a body materializing soon after it. He had long black hair that was slicked down and had tear troughs on either side of his face.

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "Itachi." He said, glowering at the Uchiha with all the intensity that he could muster.

"We're not here for you. We're here for him. So take your kage and leave, then forget this ever happened."

"Why should we trust you? Your organization has tried to kill us before." Yugito asked.

"That was merely a conflict of interest." Itachi lied. "The point is, we're here for the sanbi, not you."

Naruto's eyes widened. "We have to stop them." Naruto said to the rest of group without drawing his eyes away from Itachi.

"What? You heard him. We can leave." Kurotsuchi said.

"But we can't let the Akatsuki have the sanbi." Yugito said. "They're gathering all the bijuu together for an unknown reason. That's why Ai wouldn't let me go without him. Letting a terrorist mercenary group get their hands on the bijuu isn't exactly a good idea."

"Attacking them to save a dictatorial kage isn't a good idea either. They only employ S-ranked ninja and we hardly know anything about them."

"Regardless, we have to try."

"I really wouldn't suggest you do that." Itachi said. "The only reason you aren't dead right now is because your deaths might upset the global positions of power. But make no mistake, if you attack us, we will respond in full."

It seemed as if the world halted for a fraction of a second while both sides sized the other one up.

"Yugito." Naruto said gravely.

"Yes?"

"Don't look into his eyes. He can put you into genjutsu with them."

Yugito smirked. A dark black and blue flame erupted all around her as she went into her partially transformed state. The calico eyes that appeared on her face soon vanished, symbolizing that they'd been closed.

Itachi sighed in annoyance. "You'll regret this." He said in a tired voice.

Yugito pounced at him as soon as he finished talking. Itachi dispersed into a flock of crows and came back together several paces away, safe from Yugito.

"Come on!" Naruto said. "We have to go save him!"

A statue made out what appeared to be marble came to a stop and blocked their path. It was soon joined by a disgruntled flute player with silver hair done up in a very unfitting style, a large blue man wearing little other than swimming trunks who had a large sword strapped to his back, and a very imposing waiter who had ripped the sleeves off of his suit revealing very tanned, corded muscle underneath.

They stopped to size each other up. "Has diplomacy failed so quickly?" the waiter asked.

Naruto nodded wordlessly. In the background, Yagura was quickly losing ground as the mad bomber continued to pepper him with explosives.

The two groups continued to stare each other with thoughtful expressions on their faces. Confrontations like these didn't happen very often in the shinobi world. It usually consisted of one side hunting the other side, stabbing the other side in the back, or just dicking the other side over. If they were lesser fighters, it was probable that they would all just rush at each other and try to inflict as much damage onto the other side as possible. But they aren't lesser fighters, they're shinobi. If they tried to do that, then there'd be heavy consequences on both sides only because their fighting styles consisted of overwhelming enemies with sheer power and area of attack moves.

If the statue version of Sasori summoned twenty puppets and sent them to attack the group while Kakuzu's heart creatures were engaging them, there could be friendly fire that could be debilitating to the Akatsuki's side.

"Okay." Naruto decided. "Here's how we're going to do this. Temari, you go fight stitches. Fu, you take the guy who can't play the flute. I'll get sharky. Kurotsuchi, you get Mr. Marble. And Mei, you go back up Yagura."

They all ran lateral to the fight that was happening in the middle of the floor except for Mei, who went directly to the ruckus. This was done so they could fight each other in a singular playing field. The danger of friendly fire was true for both sides.

The fact that they all agreed to fight each other solo has less to do with anything like 'the rules of battle'. No, they were fighting each other to the death _and_ they're fucking ninja. There are no rules. But there are facts that are acknowledged as true on both sides. If we all fight in one big jumble, I could hurt my comrades, which will in turn lower my chances of survival. It was just the obvious, pragmatic solution that both sides agreed on.

00000000

With Fu and Hidan.

'This guy is fucking crazy.'

Hidan had, at some point, pulled double spikes out of his tuxedo and ran at Fu with a reckless zeal. All of his strikes were either blocked or parried and Fu found herself suddenly on the defensive.

Hidan swung both his spikes upwards and suddenly plunged them downwards with practiced ease. Fu raised both her swords to block the swing, but as the two pairs of cutting implements hit each other, Fu nearly felt herself forced to her knees from the strength of the strike. While she was struggling under the weight of the strike, Hidan brought up a leg and kicked her directly in the solar plexus.

She spat out a wad of bile as she was flung across the floor. He was on top of her as soon as she stopped rolling and just barely missed impaling her torso to the floor with his spike as she rolled out of the way in the nick of time.

Jumping up and back on her feet, she was left with little time to think as he pulled the spike out of the ground and rushed her once more. This time, he went for a stab to the gut which she effortless parried and retaliated by twirling around him and rending his back muscles with both of her water sabers.

Blood spurted out in gushes and waves, but he merely smirked and sent a kick to her side.

'So it was true then.' Fu winced from the impact. 'This guy doesn't feel pain, nor does he seem afflicted by wounds at all.' During their two month hiatus while they waited for Naruto to awaken, the members who had been on Sasuke's retrieval squad had exchanged notes on the people they fought. Kurotsuchi fought this weird religious fanatic who had silver hair and a huge, tri-bladed scythe. She had mentioned that he was completely okay and battle ready even when his heart had been impaled and that he did this weird metamorphosis when he got a drop of her blood. A chilling opponent.

Not only that, but he was also extremely good with kenjutsu, really strong, and very acrobatic. He fought like a man who had nothing to lose from dying because _there was no way that he could die_.

'This is going to be tough, but all I need to do is hack him apart.'

As they say, easier said than done.

"DIE YOU FUCKER" Hidan screamed at the top of his lungs whilst lunging, stabbing, and trying his damndest to either kill her outright, or get a bit of blood so he could complete the ritual.

Fu knew that she had to stay on the defensive if she wanted to make sure the guy didn't get any of her blood, but was also aware that she couldn't inflict any lasting damage on him while doing so.

Realizing how fruitless this was, he tried a different tactic which involved throwing one of his spikes at Fu like one would throw a kunai. Fu was taught to never let go of her sword while sparring no matter how good the opportunity seemed. Throwing away your main weapon wasn't very smart after all, especially if your opponent has one as well. So she was not prepared for it in the slightest as it flew by and nicked her in the thigh.

"HAHA BLOOD FOR Jashin…sama." Hidan had gotten her to bleed, but now he had to get the blood that was either trickling down her thigh in small amounts or on the spike that was impaling the ground about 20 feet behind her.

As quick as she could, she wiped up the blood on her thigh and ripped a piece of her party dress off to stem the already small amount of blood that was welling up.

Hidan looked longingly at the spike which made Fu smirk. He had just lost one of his weapons and was now fighting to get something instead of focusing all his attention on her.

For now, she had the advantage.

00000000

With Temari and Kakuzu.

Things were going as about as well as she had suspected.

Given, that was not well at all.

It appeared that they were at a stalemate for the moment. Every time that Kakuzu tried to hold her down with his tendrils, she used her hand fans to slice them to ribbons. Whenever he tried to engage her with taijutsu, she didn't even try to participate and just ran away from him. But he didn't dare try to get away from her because whenever he tried to do that, she caught him unawares and managed to slice him up with her hand fans even when he used the Earth Grudge Fear technique to harden his skin to iron hard levels.

Temari is a fantastic wind user, capable of even creating blades of wind that sliced through iron hard skin. She's agile, able to get away from his sweeping thrusts and kicks. But the thing that made her such a fearsome opponent to Kakuzu is that she's smart.

Smart enough to know how strong she is, of which is scores below Kakuzu. Knowing this, she decided to play the stalling game. Only confronting him when he tried to leave and only trying to ward him off when he tried to attack her. She wasn't trying to kill him so she go help her allies, she was trying not to die so her allies could hopefully finish their fights and come help her.

This was perceived as frustrating for Kakuzu. For his part, he was only trying to incapacitate her. Killing a member of the treaty that held all the ninja villages together had the potential to bring the wrath of all the villages back to the akatsuki. She knew that she couldn't kill him and he also knew that he shouldn't kill her.

"DIE YOU FUCKER" Kakuzu spared a glance at Hidan, who was trying excruciatingly hard to murder the girl from Taki. Kakuzu had tried to pass a message to him while he was playing in the orchestra to make sure that he knew what he should do should worst come to worst, but it appeared that he either didn't understand or just didn't care.

Kakuzu sighed. "I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice." The sound of horrible ripping filled the air as both his tuxedo and skin parted along his back to allow the tendrils that apparently made up his inner body to fling out. A piece of the tendrils stepped out of his back with a mask on the front of it. The secondary color on the mask was red. "If you die, I'm not going to be held accountable."

"Well… shit."

"Temari!" Temari only managed to look away fast enough to catch the large folded up fan that was tossed her way by a passing Naruto clone.

Kakuzu quirked a brow at her new choice of weapon. 'A club? She was using fans just a few seconds ago.'

00000000

With Yugito and Itachi.

Their fight could only manage to look more like a game of cat and mouse if Itachi had a genjutsu on that made him look like the granddaddy Mickey Mouse himself.

Normally, he tried to use genjutsu to ensnare his targets, but that choice was out the window as soon as Yugito closed her eyes. And he wasn't sure if he wanted to use something as lethal as Susanoo or Ameratsu to fight her out of fear that she might perish. If that happened, the Matatabi would get out and wreak havoc for sure. But despite her best efforts, she hadn't managed to even touch him aside from when he first engaged with her and only got burns and claw marks for his trouble.

And so, they played their game of cat and mouse. Yugito, utilizing Matatabi's chakra to give her a sense of smell far beyond the normal human along with tiny infrared organs across her lips, was capable of tracking Itachi's movements without the help of her eyes. The chakra cloak that surrounded Yugito was only a partial transformation. Meaning that she was still bipedal, if slouching forward a bit, and still more humanoid in stature than feline.

"Why are you protecting him?" Itachi asked. "From what I understand, he has committed countless acts of genocide and is now warring against a band of kekai genkai users. Not only that, but he rules over Kirigakure with an iron fist. He's not exactly liked among the population."

Yugito stopped in front of him. "It's not that we don't want him dead, it's just that we don't want you to have what's inside of him." Her voice was more deep and gravellier than usual.

Itachi quirked a brow. "What could we do that's more harmful than committing acts of genocide?"

Yugito faltered for a moment.

"Just gather your allies and go home. We're only here for Yagura."

"How long until you try to kill us then? You can't tell us that you're only here for the Sanbi. There are more easily attainable bijuu from other Jinchuuriki. So you've either exhausted those options by taking them all, or you're impatient enough to go for a public Jinchuuriki instead of finding one of the weaker ones. Either way, you're going to be coming for us sooner or later. Plus, Mei is probably going to kill Yagura in her own time."

"Suit yourself." The real Itachi said from behind her, before thrusting his tanto into her abdomen, intentionally missing the vital organs. Most of his S-rank ninja skills came from just being a really good ninja as opposed to just being able to wreck shit up using a really effective kekai genkai or fighting style. Speed in the amount that Yugito was unable to track with her infrared vision was just such one of those ninja skills that he had worked tirelessly for.

Instead of screaming and falling to the floor in an unconscious heap like he expected her to, she grabbed the protrusion with both her hands/paws and grew a single tail out of her tailbone, which soon encircled Itachi and tightened.

Itachi was forced to let go of his sword and dispersed into a flock of crows to get away from the burning tail. She grabbed the sword by the hilt with her tail and yanked it out slowly, not wishing to exacerbate the wound. The metal was white hot by the time it was completely out of her body.

Itachi reintegrated a bit away from her. "So no chance of a dialogue?"

"Eat a dick."

00000000

With Kurotsuchi and Sasori.

Kurotsuchi ducked under another thrust and backpedaled wildly to evade the kick that was sent her way. Sasori was right on top of her after that as he continued to throw punches, kicks, stabs, and thrusts her way.

As soon as their groups split up to fight their fights, Kurotsuchi had been relentlessly assaulted without any prior warning. Even if she shouldn't have expected a warning, she should have expected him to have stopped and assessed the situation to give her a break at the very least.

That didn't happen. It was a non-stop, continuous assault that gave her no opportunity to think out a plan of attack. A Naruto clone had just given her sword back, but even with one of her best combat traits now back in her hands, it was useless against the puppet master.

His body was made of marble where wood should be. Any attempts to slice him open would be met with a broken sword and not much else. This wasn't to say that he was invincible, far from it in fact. His left hand was a broken ruin of joints and shattered marble because when going for a downward strike, he had accidentally hit the floor head on. The reason that puppet masters use wood is because wood is flexible and hard, unlike marble, which is hard and brittle. Any contact with something of greater density than marble and with sufficient kinetic energy would shatter the part of the puppet.

Sasori is a scary opponent, but if she could just get off one set of handseals, he would be incapacitated just like that. Kurotsuchi growled out in frustration as he sent another punch to her head, this proved to be a feint however, as he quickly grabbed a hold of her ruined ball gown to pull her in. not allowing him to do that, she sliced downwards and cut off the piece of dress that he was holding on to.

If she could, she would immediately discard the dress to give her greater mobility, but the marble man didn't let up enough for her to do so.

Finally he jumped back, allowing her a sigh of relief as she got out of the dress as fast as she could. Just in her undergarments, she rapidly went through handseals and spat a wad of cement at the marble man. It hit him directly in the left leg and fastened itself to the floor, prohibiting his movements completely.

Kurotsuchi huffed out a belated cry of excitement as she realized that she was the victor. This cry was ceased once she realized that across the hall, other marble statues got up from their pedestal and amble over towards her.

"Goddamn it."

Sasori's seamless marble face didn't reply.

00000000

With Mei, Yagura, Deidara, and Zetsu.

"I really don't understand why I'm the bad guy here." Yagura commented whilst ducking under a kick sent for his temple.

"Maybe it's because you're accountable for countless acts of genocide against my people." Mei said whilst dissolving the clay figurines that were falling from the sky.

"No, not that. I meant on a global scale. Don't the other nations realize that the kekai genkai users are eventually going to overthrow the regular people?" Yagura said while in the motions of whacking a bipolar plant-person in the abdomen with his hook staff.

"Says the Jinchuuriki who's better than most people at combat situations because of the circumstances of his birth." This time there was a large owl that attempted to hit them, but she just sent a blast of lava its way, deflecting the explosion upwards.

"You need to check your facts. I wasn't given Isobu at birth and I make no attempts to declare its power as mine." In a strange and queer display, the man he was fighting split directly down the middle, effectively doubling their combat potential.

"Setting that aside for now, you rule over the people of Kirigakure with an authoritarian, dictatorial rule. Everyone there is scared of you and for good reason." The blond man flying overhead was now swerving to avoid the blasts of caustic steam jetting from her mouth.

"You know, I'm getting kind of sick and tired of everyone calling me a dictatorial kage. The title of kage is inherently dictatorial. Even if some of the villages have councils, the sole authority is the most competent ninja in the village. For the whole 'iron fist' thing, I'm only doing what's good for the people. RRggg. This guy's really annoying." Yagura jumped and bended laterally mid-air, putting himself parallel to the ground to avoid the two synchronized kicks aimed for his legs and head respectively. Then he used both ends of his staff to clock both of the vegetarians in the heads. They pulled away to come up with a better strategy. "Don't you have any chakra sensors among your sister wives? How is it that six S-ranked ninja managed to sneak into a ball?"

"None of my sister wives have any chakra sensory abilities, nor does my husband or the kage for that matter."

"You didn't bring anyone with chakra sensory powers with you?"

"For someone who is my most hated and mortal enemy, you sure are nitpicking even when I'm trying to save your ass." Mei said with a dangerous smile before spewing flames at the flying bomber.

"Why are you helping me again? Shouldn't you be trying to help this plant thing?"

"I can't. I know that I can and will kill you eventually, but letting the akatsuki get the sanbi is a very dangerous idea long term. Why? You trying to convince me?"

"Nothing like that." Yagura parried a punch sent for his head by the black one and twirled around to use him momentum to club the white one. Then he ducked under the anticipated punch by the black one and used his hook to pull its legs under it. The white one engaged him so the black one had time to get up once again. "Just shocked is all. Shame I can't use Isobu's power."

"And why is that?"

"I'm not so good at using the half-transformation because it changes my stature so much that I can't process it. I'm really only good at using the full transformation, but the full transformation's power would need wide open space that isn't available while in a ballroom."

"Noted." Mei said deviously.

"Note away. You'll still lose to me when you decide try to fight me in full."

A stray shark bullet barely missed them and instead hit one of the columns, instantly destroying it. Yagura glanced at the fight opposite his and Mei' with almost disinterested eyes. "Doesn't look like your husband is doing too well."

00000000

With Naruto and Kisame

Kisame never liked Kushimaru. Well, no, that's not exactly true. They never really interacted much other than going on the odd mission together. What really drove Kisame mad was Kushimaru's fighting style.

It was the polar opposite to Kisame's fighting style. Kisame made use of wide swipes meant to hit the person he was aiming for out of the sheer bulk of Samehada. If he kept with it long enough, it worked quite well because it only took one swipe from Samehada to completely drain a jonin level shinobi from his or her chakra. That never really worked on Kushimaru.

Even though his main weapon was a large blade, he practically never went head to head with it. Preferring to throw the long sword and entangle his opponents or set traps and await for their arrival.

Wherever Naruto was learning how to wield the Nuibari, it was working well for him.

Kisame blocked another Nuibari throw with Samehada by moving it horizontally across his chest. Naruto retracted the Nuibari back to himself then ran directly at him and started doing his best to get within Kisame's guard. Kisame, being far more physically domineering, merely had to change the direction and location of his sword to make sure the Nuibari would slide right off and cause him no harm.

Using a chakra boosted jump, Naruto drew a good 10 feet in the air before reaching his zenith. Once at the highest point in the jump, he threw the Nuibari directly at Kisame. The shark man smirked before batting the smaller weapon to the side. It impacted and sunk into the ground tip first. Naruto landed with Kisame in between him and the Nuibari.

"Looks like you're all out of options." Kisame said.

"Not exactly." Naruto replied before bum rushing the solid man.

Kisame took a step forward and swung his sword like one would swing a bat, but Naruto slid to his knees at the last moment and let Samehada brush the tips of his hair. He got up with no loss of momentum and ran to take a hold of the Nuibari.

Kisame shouldered Samehada and smirked at Naruto. "You're pretty good kid."

Naruto smirked back. "Better than you think." Kisame suddenly became aware of the lines of wire that held on to Samehada by being stuck within its scales.

Kisame's eyes widened in surprise. "When did you do that?"

Naruto planted both his feet onto the ground with chakra and grabbed the wire with both his hands. "There's always wire coming out of the Nuibari. Don't get in between it and its user." With a mighty tug, Naruto pulled as hard as he could on the wire, hoping to unbalance Kisame.

The shark man almost laughed at his attempts to unbalance him. Even with Naruto's full might behind his pulling, Kisame didn't feel anything.

"You might be clever, but you're not exactly smart." Kisame took Samehada with both hands and tried to pull Naruto off his feet and towards his chakra eating sword.

Key word being 'tried.'

At the last moment before Kisame pulled on Samehada, Naruto let go of the wire and detached it from the Nuibari. Kisame had been expecting to pull an adolescent kid with the Nuibari towards him, not nothing. Unprepared for this, Kisame stumbled backwards and the Samehada impacted the floor with enough power behind it to crumble the well-polished granite.

Naruto took the initiative and rushed at Kisame again, but this time with the Nuibari.

The shark man looked in slight fear at the kid with the sewing blade. Giving up on trying to yank out Samehada, Kisame went through rapid hand seals before shouting out **"Multi-Shark Bullet."** Giant sharks made out of water spewing from Kisame's mouth shot towards Naruto at almost point blank range.

Swerving, ducking, and doing his best to get to Kisame, Naruto finally got close to him and thrust his sword at the man. Kisame moved to the side at the last moment and only got a tiny slice across the triceps for his trouble.

Naruto directed the Nuibari to be horizontal to his chest. "Looks like you're all out of options." He said with a grin.

Kisame grinned back at him. "What was it you said? Never get between a sword and its user."

From behind Naruto, there was the sound of tearing bandages amidst snarling. With a horrified look, Naruto saw the sword shuck the remaining bandages off of itself and grin at Naruto with a mouth full of huge, pointed teeth.

Naruto recalled something Mei said earlier. _"There's only one blade that could be truly considered alive, and that's Samehada, wielded by Kisame."_

'So that's what she meant.'

Naruto hopped away wildly from the snarling sword as it tried to jump and bite at him. With Naruto no longer blocking his way from getting the Samehada, Kisame leisurely walked over to it and plucked it out of their as it jumped back to him. "Like I said kid. You're clever, but you're not smart."

Kisame sprinted at Naruto full speed, getting within his guard in a few seconds. Naruto found himself on the defensive as Kisame began swinging Samehada wildly once more, more than once clipping Naruto across a limb. Naruto did his best to parry the strikes away from him, but they were relentless and held a weight behind them that Naruto hadn't experienced as of yet.

The Nuibari was best used within forests that contained trees large enough to hold the weight of a human body. There weren't any of those within the ballroom unless you count the pillars, but those were far away enough that he couldn't make use of them. So Naruto decided on a different tactic.

"**Multi-shadow clone" **Clones popped up all around Naruto and Kisame as they spread to make a rough circle around him. Taking a chance, Naruto threw the Nuibari to one of his clones making sure to keep a firm grasp on the wire. Now without any source of defensive maneuverability, Naruto was forced to rely on his acrobatics and the thin wire to keep Samehada away from him.

Kisame had a fair grasp on what Naruto was trying to do, which only increased his want to end the fight quickly. It was hard to figure out a rhythm to Naruto's dodging and fighting style, but Kisame had a fair grasp of when he jumped to get out of the way of his sword. Timing it perfectly as Naruto did what Kisame anticipated him to do, the shark man hit Naruto directly across the chest with Samehada when he didn't have the maneuverability that the ground afforded him.

There were large gashes that had opened on his chest and abdomen and were bleeding profusely. Luckily Naruto flew above the net of wire that they shadow clones had been making by tossing the Samehada around them. As soon as Naruto was clear of the fight zone, they all started running in random directions around the circumference of the circle of Naruto and Kisame's fight. He didn't get away fast enough as he began to get entangled in the wire that the clones were holding. Kisame tried to strain against the wires, but felt the wires slice into his skin and muscles and was forced to stop.

"Damn brat." Kisame muttered before taking a deep breath and slowly melt into the Samehada. As the two combined, he gained traits very similar to what one would describe as a land shark.

Naruto got up and tried to quell the bleeding from his chest. Taking in his new transformation, Naruto gaped in shock. "You have got to be kidding me."

With the fact that his new skin no longer was sliced into by the wire, Kisame grinned widely and strained in full against the wires that held him bound. The wires didn't break, but they were getting loose, prompting the circling Narutos to circle faster and further entangle him.

To keep this from happening, Kisame spewed water from his mouth without the need for handseals and blew the Naruto's away.

Kisame was no longer being entangled, but he still didn't have his arms mobility. Grimacing, Kisame charged Naruto with his face close to the ground, not leaving him any time to react.

Naruto, still weary with blood loss and not in possession of the Nuibari couldn't brace himself well enough for when Kisame clamped his jaw on his left shoulder. The sharp teeth dug into Naruto's skin, muscle and bone, effectively tearing away much of the arm's use. Naruto screamed in pain and agony. Blood red chakra began to pulsate from Naruto skin and he took on a feral demeanor as the pain became too much to bear.

With newfound strength and the adrenaline to match, Naruto brought his mobile right arm and began to club away as Kisame's face. This proved to be a bad idea however, as Kisame's jaw was locked tight on his muscles and bones. The punches might have hurt Kisame, but they were causing him to have more tearing power to his teeth and jaw.

With a sudden tearing away and ripping sound, the arm came directly off of Naruto's body. He screamed in pain once more and began to lose his autonomy. Kisame's face was a patchwork of bloody gashes and bruises gotten from Naruto's incessant wailing.

This wasn't good for Kisame. His best defense against Jinchuuriki was Samehada, and now that he was fused with it, he couldn't absorb the chakra cloak that was making Naruto stronger. He didn't have any time to speak as Naruto was suddenly on top of him and wailing away at his chest, arms, face, and any other place that Naruto could get a good hit in.

There was no form or forethought. Merely the want to inflict as much pain on the shark person as possible.

00000000

Yugito looked away slightly to listen to the screeches of her husband. Itachi appeared to her side hoping to capitalize on her confusion by thrusting another tanto to her side. Not being taken for a fool, she used her newly gotten tanto to deflect his strike and return another one.

Itachi dispersed once more to get a better vantage point of the battle field.

00000000

"I'VE GOT YOU NOW, YOU BUG BITCH." Hidan licked the blood clean from his second rod and stood on the ritual circle. His entire body turned black with white marks gracing his form in the rough shape of a skeleton.

Fu panted and winced as she saw the man transform. Her body had gone through a rather radical transformation as well. There were transparent-red pieces of armor covering her entire body from the partial transformation with Chomei. In one of the pieces of armor on her arm there was a small gash leaking a green fluid.

Hidan pointed his spike downwards and impaled his right thigh. Fu expected the worst, but it didn't come. She did, however, feel a strange sensation on the armor piece corresponding to his right thigh. Looking down, she noticed a small hole open on the translucent armor. Piecing things together, Fu smirked in relief.

Hidan, not seeing her fall to her knees in agony, decided to up the stakes and pulled another rod from his ruined tuxedo to plunge it into his abdomen. The armor on Fu's chest parted slightly as it cracked open from the pantomimed injury.

Seeing as opening, Fu rushed at Hidan one last time to hopefully immobilize him. His eyes widened in surprise. In a desperate, last ditch attempt, He pulled his last rod and shoved it up his jaw and into his brain.

Neither of them died from cranial injury.

Without any weapons left, he fell victim to her slashes and thrusts.

00000000

Kurotsuchi dodged, dipped, dived, ducked, and dodged from the flurry of fists attempting to pelt her.

Currently, there were only two statues left with the rest being stuck in a cement that held them to the ground.

To her surprise, a large shark missile struck one in the back which thoroughly destroyed it and afforded her the opportunity to stick the other to the ground with some more quicklime.

She fell to her knees at last and took in great heaps of air. Bruises were blossoming all over her body from the strikes that managed to impact her and her right arm didn't feel like it was moving like it was supposed to. Despite that, she was content that she had managed to win.

With a grin on her face, she faded from conscious and fell to the floor.

00000000

Temari looked at the roaring inferno with no small amount of pride.

When he started using fire techniques, she knew that he didn't know what type of fighter he was fighting any more. She used that to her advantage as when he used a particularly large fire technique, she rebutted the fire with a large wind technique of her own. Usually fire overtakes and amplifies wind, but hers was stronger to such a higher degree that it amplified the fire and managed to change its directions, putting Kakuzu in the middle of a great inferno of fire.

The tangle of black strands fell to the floor and the mask crumbled along with the rest of it. Seeing as the fight was over, she turned heel and began to run to Mei's and Yagura's fight.

Not expecting the red-hot strand of microfibers to suddenly wrap around her mouth and face, she wasn't able to get out a full-fledged scream when they did manage to encircle her mouth.

More strands gathered directly above her left thigh and plunged downwards, burying themselves into her musculature, slicing her arteries, and cracking her femur. Only small amounts of blood poured out because of the fact that they red-hot fibers were cauterizing the wound.

She fell to the floor with a tiny intake of breath and was out like a light. Unknown to her, the strands buried themselves into the ground and tangled themselves there.

Kakuzu, unmoving from his position on the floor tried to get up, but failed tremendously.

00000000

Mei could tell the bomber was getting desperate as the bombs he threw were getting smaller and smaller in volume and blasting power. She might have been starting to get low on chakra, but she didn't let up for a second. Even without her attention focused on Naruto, she could tell that he needed her help from the animalistic screams being belted out.

Behind her, Yagura was making a great show of beheading the white Zetsu while the black Zetsu watched from a distance.

00000000

Itachi stared at the other fights with calculating eyes before raising his arm into the air and shooting off a special fire jutsu designed to make more light and noise than heat and explosive power.

The ones conscious of noticing the light immediately shot off to do the tasks that they were left with.

Black Zetsu melted into the ground. Deidara went around and picked up all the unconscious members of the akatsuki that he could manage, even if that meant sending the occasional small explosion to dislodge a stubborn Jinchuuriki. And Itachi looked at Yugito with cold eyes.

"Remember, the only reason you won today was because you had us at a disadvantage."

Yugito huffed in amusement. "You had us at a disadvantage too."

Without saying another word, Itachi dispersed into crows one last time.

Yugito, feeling as if his presence was finally gone, looked at the remnants of the battle. Mei and Yagura were sizing each other up now that the immediate threat was gone, Naruto was unconscious along with Temari and Kurotsuchi, and Fu was repeatedly stepping on something that used to resemble something of a head.

Yugito was on the last legs of her strength as she looked at the members of her group, as she looked at the table of stirring kage, as she looked at the guests and daimyo unconscious on the floor.

'This is going to be tough to explain.'

Omake

"And my fan!"

"And my sword!"

"And my axe!"

Everyone looked at Gimli in confusion.

"When did you get here?" Naruto asked.

Gimli shrugged.

**AN/ Did you like the fight scenes? I feel good about them.**

**Read and Review.**

**And before anybody tells me off for gimping the Akatsuki members, remember that they couldn't go for any large, overly destructive techniques. Deidara making a dragon our of C4 would have posed a threat to his teammates just as Sasori summoning 100 puppets and Kisame making a water enclosure a kilometer long would.**


	26. the afterparty

Chapter 26

Not for the first time nor for the last time, Naruto opened his eyes to take in an environment of which he was not all too familiar with. It was overwhelmingly white for one. His eyes had trouble adjusting to the bright light shining in his eyes.

Once they got used to the light, Naruto took in more aspects of the room he was in. The walls were a light beige color and looked like they had the texture of smoothed down sandstone. The twin bed he was laying in was the only one in the room and there was a light humming coming from his left. Looking over, Naruto saw a machine that didn't look like any other that he had ever seen before, even in a hospital.

"Hello?" Naruto called out. He was the only one in the room. Off to the side were a few sets of empty chairs. There was sunlight pouring in from a rather large window nearby, just missing the bed he was in.

"Hello?" Naruto called out again slightly louder. There was no answer to his call.

Naruto pulled the blank white sheet covering him using his right hand and tried to get up and explore the building he was in. He was held firm, however, to the machine. Wires tugged at Naruto's left shoulder. They wound down from his left arm in a haphazard way to eventually connect to the machine.

Naruto tried to yank his arm out of the bundle of wire, but didn't get any response from the appendage. Greatly worried by this, Naruto took a hold of the bundle with his right arm and tried to yank it off of his left. With a detached clicking sound, the bundle fell from Naruto's arm.

Well, not exactly.

As it turns out, the bundle of wire only held more wire inside of it, not Naruto's arm as he had suspected. The end of Naruto's left arm only went a few inches past his shoulder and stopped with a metal latch device grafted onto his skin.

Naruto looked stupidly at the stump of his left arm for a good 10 seconds before trying to move it. The only thing that happened was the stump wiggling slightly. Other than that, there was only the feeling of a phantom arm having no effect on reality.

Naruto started breathing heavily. He didn't remember a lot from what made him go unconscious in the first place, but he did know that the akatsuki showed up at one point.

Oh wait, this was something that Nazo-sensei had told him about. Illusions that were meant to mess up with his sense of reality. Naruto brought his one usable hand in front of him and gathered his chakra. Doing what Nazo-sensei told him to do in order to dispel genjutsu, he unleashed the chakra all in one go.

Nope, his arm was still missing from body.

There was the pattering of feet outside in what he presumed was the hallway. The door to the room clanked open. In the doorway stood Yugito with bags around her eyes.

"Hey Yugito." Naruto said with a smile and a wave. "Someone's put me under a genjutsu, can you help me out of it?"

Yugito's mouth parted slightly in shock. "I-I felt the chakra pulse from here." She said airily

"Yeah, I don't know what you see, but I can't see or move my left arm. So I must be under a genjutsu or something. Can you help me out of it?"

Yugito stood in the doorway in shock and confusion for a few seconds, trying to say something, but always going back on it before any sounds came from her mouth. "L-Let's sit down Naruto."

"Why?" the grave sound of her voice was putting Naruto on edge. "This is just a genjutsu, right? Right?"

Yugito's face fell at the sound of Naruto figuring out the reality he was living in. "Let's just sit down. We can talk about this."

Naruto gaped blankly at the stump of his left arm while Yugito sat down on the bed, pulling Naruto with her all the way. "Do you remember the fight?" Yugito asked as calmly as she could.

"I-I… I remember fighting the fish guy. He and his sword… merged I guess, then he ran at me and bit me on my…" Naruto trailed off. "Then I got really angry and then… nothing."

"Naruto. You lost your arm in your fight with Kisame. There was no chance of it being reattached to you due to the severity of nerve damage on the actual arm itself."

Naruto didn't say anything, he just let the words coming out of her mouth impact him harder than any kunai or shuriken could. He made a choking sound, as if he wanted to tell Yugito something. The sound died down as soon as he realized that he wasn't going to be able to produce any sounds.

"There is good news though." Naruto looked Yugito directly in the eyes, completely ready for anything good that might have come from his fight. "Kankuro, Temari's brother, is a very accomplished ninja puppeteer. He says that he can build you a new arm."

Naruto looked at the dead space where his missing appendage was. Not being able to move it was like he had lost something near and dear to him, but was only able to comprehend the feeling of loss now that it was gone. Naruto sighed and leaned into Yugito. "What about the others?"

"Fu, me, Mei, and Kurotsuchi are all alright, only exhaustion, a few scrapes, and some chakra depletion. But they were fine after a couple seconds of medical ninjutsu treatment."

"What about Temari?"

Yugito took a while to answer. "She's… alive."

This statement worried Naruto greatly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well… in her fight, there was a mishap. Kakuzu the Immortal damaged her left leg beyond repair and seared burns into face."

Naruto was floored by this statement. "W… H… I-Is she okay?" He asked, shaken up.

"A lot better than you. Due to circumstances beyond her control, when Tsunade awoke and treated Temari, she had to cut off the leg at mid-thigh. Right now she's in operation, getting her new leg attached."

Naruto sighed in relief. It was a bad situation, but at least it was better than Naruto had thought it was. "Where's everyone else?"s\

"Sleeping. I was on watch."

Naruto rubbed his eyes. They were feeling crusty. "What time is it anyway?"

"About 9 in the morning."

"How long have we been here?"

"11 hours."

Naruto huffed in amusement. "At least it's not two months."

Yugito gave an amused huff as well. "Silver linings huh?"

Naruto leaned his head against Yugito's shoulder. "We're in a hospital?"

"Mmhmm."

"I'm guessing… Suna right? The walls are made out of sandstone after all."

Yugito wrapped an arm around Naruto's waist to pull him in tighter. "Looks like you're getting better at observation."

"Had to happen at some point."

They stayed in that position for a while. It was comforting to Naruto. He had just lost something vitally important to him and didn't know how to respond to it. At least he had Yugito there to help him, even if that help was just holding him tight and not leaving him.

"Should I wake the others?" Yugito finally asked.

"No, let them rest."

Yugito hummed. "We should rest too. Come on." She fell to the soft mattress with her husband encircled in her arms. They fell into the space of dreams almost as soon as they hit the pillow. There was a small smile dusting Yugito's lips.

00000000

For the first time in a very long time, all 10 members of the Akatsuki were in one place, at one time. Well, all 9 members and a corpse that looked vaguely Hidan-like. They were all hid out in a well-lit cave next to a gedo statue with the 10 pillars that they were all supposed to stand on to begin the extraction process. This wasn't the case, however, as there was nothing to extract. So they just settled for sitting in a group somewhere behind the pillars.

"Does someone want to tell me what happened?" Pain asked.

Deidara let loose a long, exasperated sigh. "I did my part. Lost a week's worth of exploding clay too."

Itachi stood up next. "Things didn't go as planned, Leader-sama."

This plan that they all took a part of was one of the only plans that had all 6 of the main battle Akatsuki plus one of their spying members take part in it. By Pain's point of view, it was needed. The person that they were trying to capture was Yagura of the Hidden Mist, a kage-level shinobi who also had the Sanbi sealed into him at an unknown age. His battle prowess was unknown, but it must have been huge considering he was able to go toe to toe with Mei of the kekai genkai rebels without even having to resort to using his tailed beast.

Considering his strength even without the tailed beast for support, they had to spring a trap that would eliminate that support entirely. When he had been keeping an eye on him for several months, Zetsu found out that Yagura went to every single one of the Water Daimyo's party functions. So they decided to spring the trap with the next one that he went to. That way, he wouldn't be able to transform into full tailed beast

Sasori distilled a mixture of an abrasive sediment and a flavorless venom that would knock out anyone who drank it who wasn't a Jinchuuriki. Hidan posed as a band member; Itachi, Deidara, and Kakuzu all posed as waiters; Zetsu was in charge of crowd control from his position as a fern; Kisame hid out in the water tank; and Sasori got a few of his rather unique marble puppets to come by to make sure that the mixture got distributed properly.

Because they didn't know the extent of Yagura's abilities, a plan came forward of having a tag-in type battle. Each akatsuki member would face Yagura at one point in order to ascertain his combat prowess, then they would exhaust him and knock him out.

Painless, effective, and fast. That was what it was supposed to be. Except Zetsu never heard that the members of the political alliance were coming.

Mid-way through the insertion, the members all came by, which threw a wrench in the works of the whole operation. Itachi made the executive decision to go along the mission and try for a diplomatic solution with the six.

That didn't work out. The plan turned out to be a fiasco. Yagura was never in any danger of being caught, they were heavily injured by the members of the alliance (most of all Hidan, who still wasn't reforming), and now they probably pissed off Leader-sama.

"How exactly didn't they go as planned?" Pain asked.

Itachi went through the points of the operation without missing a single detail.

Pain was silent for several moments before asking questions. "Why isn't Hidan reforming?"

Kakuzu answered. "His body usually reforms on its own when all the parts are put in a jumble, but his head needs to be here. Without it, we're just taking care of a jumble of body parts."

"And where is his head?" Pain asked Deidara.

"I picked up as much as I could without getting bifurcated by that bug Jinchuuriki, yeah. Guess I missed the head."

Pain groaned into his hand. "Get rid of that stinking corpse."

"Hai!" Tobi shouted out for the first time this meeting.

"Who invited Tobi?" Deidara asked Sasori. The childish nin in question was gathering up all the corpse parts and carrying them outside.

"He just kind of invites himself." Sasori said gruffly.

"Looks like we're down an akatsuki member." Pain said. "Do any of you have any ideas as to who would be a good replacement?"

"Tobi knows!"

Deidara smirked at Kakuzu. "Looks like you've got a new partner."

Before Kakuzu could groan in frustration, Pain interrupted. "Did any of you at least get any intel on Yagura or the other Jinchuuriki?"

"Yugito Nii, the two tailed, is capable of sensing me without the need for her eyes. My combat ability is significantly hampered by this."

"That Yagura guy is strong enough as he is. He never even had to use the tailed beast when we were fighting, yeah."

"Or me." Black Zetsu said.

Kisame made muffled grunts from off to the side. His face had taken a serious pounding from his fight with Naruto. It was still covered in bandages, even with the healing power of having nearly a tailed beast worth of chakra stored in his sword.

Pain looked at him with his same, unamused eyes. "We'll ask you later. Anything else? Who fought the Nanabi Jinchuuriki?"

"Hidan did."

"Did anyone see anything new?"

"She seems to have a good hold of her Jinchuuriki powers even at the age she's at." Black Zetsu rasped out. "She's capable of initiating flight using chakra wings."

"That might cause some unwanted situations in the future." Pain said.

"What about the other members of the Alliance?" Konan asked. "Are they going to be a threat in the future?"

"Mei definitely is. She's the leader of the rebels after all, yeah." Deidara said.

"Temari of the Desert is a rather accomplished wind user, but I might have crippled her for life, so I don't think she'll be too much of a threat."

Pain sent a pointed look towards Kakuzu, who shrugged in return.

"That Kurotsuchi girl doesn't look like she's going to be too much of a problem in the future." Sasori said. "She was just barely able to avoid or destroy my marble puppets, and they had absolutely no combat functionality in them."

Pain nodded. "We're going to let the Sanbi stew for a bit. Deidara and Sasori, you're back on the Yonbi. Itachi and Kisame, look for leads on the Rokubi. Kakuzu and Tobi-"

"Hai!"

"-Do some contract work."

"Tobi's going to do some really good contract work! Isn't that right Kakuzu-senpai?"

Kakuzu settled for glaring at the energetic man. He had been annoying the living daylights out of everyone ever since he showed up at their meetings about two months ago. "Yes Tobi." He said in a strained voice. "We're going to do some really good contract work."

With that settled, the members of Akatsuki dispersed to do their various tasks. "Oh and Kakuzu." Pain said. "Make sure that you don't kill this partner."

"No promises." He mumbled to himself. Tobi started bounding towards the exit, devoid of any worry that his partner would decapitate him in his sleep.

No worry at all.

00000000

On the ground in front of Matatabi and Kurama were a sleeping Yugito and Naruto. Naruto was being held by Yugito, who had a cute smile gracing her features. Matatabi looked at the two with what could only be described as a smile.

"**What are you grinning about, cat?"**

"**Oh, do be quiet. You might wake them."**

Kurama growled quietly at the large cat. **"What are you grinning about?"** Kurama asked again, albeit slightly quieter.

"**Oh, I don't know… it's nice that they're getting along like this, isn't it?"**

"**I wouldn't care, now would I?"**

Matatabi laughed quietly at the reaction from the large fox. **"It's fun. She's never been so happy as when she's with Naruto."**

"**So what? She's a shotacon?"**

"**Oh? Do I sense some interest in humans from you?"**

Kurama didn't so much as blink from the accusation. **"It's not that, you just won't shut the fuck up about these petty humans. I have no choice but to involve myself if I'm ever going to get you to shut up."**

"**You say that, but I think that you really like your human."** Matatabi said with a jeering confidence.

"**Would it surprise you if I said that I didn't? I hate humans. There has not been one human in this world who has looked at me like another person. No, I've always been a source of power. A thing. A thing in the context of itemization, not a thing in context of me not having a gender."**

Matatabi started purring. The soft humming seemed to have an effect on the embraced humans in that they started snuggling closer together. **"Are you sure? I don't know. He seems a little bit like Asura to me. Asura was nice to us"**

"**Well first of all, he's nothing like Asura. Second of all, Asura wasn't human."**

"**Oh come off it. Asura was as human as any human alive today. I don't care if he held himself a different way or talked to people differently or held the 9 most powerful living things inside his body for a while. He was human and I loved him, we all loved him, you loved him. He was like the older brother none of us had."**

"**And you want to tell me that humans today are like the humans of yesterday. No, they fight and kill and grab everything for their own selfish greed. They see anything that's more powerful than them as something that couldn't be alive or cognizant, because of course, they are the most powerful things in the world. They are ignorant and stupid. I can't believe that you've allowed yourself to be aligned with them."**

Matatabi smirked at Kurama. **"You want to tell me that Naruto, sweet little Naruto-kun, thinks you're a thing (in the context of itemization)? That you're only good as a power source, as a battery? The only reason he still calls you Kyuubi is because you don't want him to call you Kurama."**

Kurama grumbled to itself incoherently.

"**You know, I really do care for you. You were a dick to the rest of us for the longest time, but you're still family to us. I want to see you happy. Why can't you get along with Naruto? Is it because you're afraid? That he'll abuse your power? That he'll turn his back on you?"**

"**It's NONE of those."** The humans in front of it began squirming with agitated looks on their faces. Matatabi started purring to calm them down. **"The reason that I'm not going to befriend him is because he doesn't deserve it. Not only that, but I plan on getting my freedom. If that's going to happen, he's going to have to die."**

Matatabi almost laughed at the entity in front of it. **"Freedom? That's what you want? I'm free. So is Gyuki, and so is Chomei. We're all free."**

"**What are you talking about? How can you be free when you're trapped inside your humans?"**

"**I'm not trapped inside my human. I can take control of her body and experience the world for myself if I want to, with her permission of course. If I wanted to, I could override the control she has over me and get out of her body."**

"**You can? Then why wouldn't you?"**

Matatabi walked away from her cell, over the sleeping humans, and stopped directly in front of the cage that held the Kyuubi away. **"Because that would kill her. I **_**love**_** her and I want to protect her as much as I can."**

Kurama was stricken speechless as Matatabi walked away from the fox and to its original position. **"I know that you've been let down before, Kurama, but you have to know that there are people out there who care for you. People who want to see you happy. People who won't abuse your power. People who'll love you."** With that said, Matatabi closed her eyes and stepped next to the sleeping humans. A single tail fell on top of them, covering them with the sense of warmth and protection that only a mother would be able to give. It stretched itself out and fell down next to the dormant humans, ready to fall asleep as well.

Kurama looked at the three with a sour look on its face. **"I don't need your love. I don't need your passion. I don't need your hopes and dreams. But most importantly, I don't need you."**

"**At some point in your life, you're going to see that you really do. Oh, and can you refer to me using female pronouns from now on? I think I like the thought of being that gender."**

"**But you **_**can't**_** be that gender. You don't have any sexual organs."**

"**Sexual organs don't denote gender. Only what you **_**feel**_** does. I feel like a female."**

"**How would you know what it feels like to be female?"**

"**Because I'm allowed to. When I'm human of course. You should try it sometime."**

The Kyuubi stalked away from the three sleeping people and curled up into a ball. Nine tails fell on top of the curled up fox. They were its security blanket. They were what helped it sleep at night. Those nine tails helped comfort The Kyuubi as it tried to get some sleep.

But for some reason, no sleep came for the malignant beast. No sleep came for the coagulation of chakra. No sleep came for the very definition of hatred itself. Because for the first time in a very long time, a person who had been scorned for most of its life, a person who was capable of intelligent and cognizant thought, a person who had feelings and hopes and dreams… felt lonely. Kurama, the person, felt lonely.

It wasn't a pleasant feeling at all.

00000000

Naruto's eyes shot open to see the room exactly where he left it, with one small detail different.

"Fu?" Naruto asked groggily. The girl was in the process of trying to shake Yugito awake without accidentally rousing Naruto from his sleep. This failed on both accounts however, as Yugito was still sleeping soundly with her arms tightly encircled around Naruto's torso and Naruto was trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes using only one hand.

"E-Eh? Naruto-san? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I know that this-"

"Who are you?" The girl he was looking at _was_ Fu, but it wasn't her. Fu's skin tone had changed almost imperceptibly darker. Well, not darker, just as if a tad of navy blue was diluted into her normal tan tone. Her voice had also changed to become raspier, and the orange in her eyes had overtaken the sclera, making them pools of orange.

"T-This isn't exactly how I thought we'd meet in real life, but my name is Chomei. I'm the seven-tailed Kabutomushi. Right now, Fu's allowing me control of her body."

"Oooh." Naruto said in realization. "I didn't know that bijuu could take control of Jinchuuriki."

"We can, but the Jinchuuriki has to give them their say so. There also has to be a lot of trust involved, because if I wanted to, I could escape through the seal, killing her in the process. But uhh… isn't there something a bit more… pressing for you right now?" She asked, gesturing to the stump that made up Naruto's left arm.

Naruto looked at it disinterestedly. "Yeah, I woke up a bit ago. It was definitely shocking, but at least Yugito was there." Naruto said with a melancholy smile.

"Oh. That's a relief. We just thought that Yugito snuck into your room to sleep with you like last time."

"Like last time?-"

"That doesn't matter now." Chomei said quickly. "Temari's about to wake up, so we thought that Yugito should be there too. Seeing as you're awake as well, you should probably come as well."

Naruto nodded. "Okay. Hear that Yugito? Time to get up!" Naruto managed to pry Yugito's arms off of him and get into sitting position. The cat Jinchuuriki grumbled in her sleep, but remained dormant.

Naruto yawned widely. "Come on Yugito." Naruto proceeded to poke Yugito in the belly until she finally opened her eyes. "Temari's waking up. We've got to be there for her."

Yugito groaned far more audibly and began to stretch herself out. "What time is it?" She asked.

"About 2 in the afternoon." Chomei answered.

Yugito took notice of Fu's body in the room for the first time. "Fu? What's wrong with you?"

"I'm Chomei, pleased to meet you."

Yugito took this new development in stride. "Hello Chomei. How's it feel to be able to move?"

"It feels nice. A little bit disorienting because I don't have 4 pairs of legs. But it's nice to walk around and talk to people. Though I suppose that I should let Fu take over in a little bit when you all go and talk to Temari-san."

Yugito finished stretching and sat up, looking good for the most part, if a little tired. "You have some time. So how did everyone react to the news?"

"The Kage and Mei were kind of guarded about it, but Kurotsuchi didn't seem to mind from the beginning. Everyone is okay with it now that I've explained it to them."

"Granny's here too?" Naruto asked.

"The kage left about 30 minutes ago and are now in a meeting with the daimyo. But yes, all the kage are in the hospital right now. We should really get going. The news that Temari was awakening was rather urgent."

Yugito and Naruto nodded. Chomei went through a rather strange change when all the navy blue tinge in her skin receded to her upper back and the orange in her eyes went back into her irises. "Naruto?" Fu asked. Her face brightened considerably once she realized who she was standing in front of and immediately pulled him into a tight hug. "You're okay!"

Naruto returned the gesture with his one arm. "Yeah, I'm okay. Actually I feel great. The same, just a little different."

Fu laughed into his hair. It was a relieved laugh, almost as if she was expecting him to have changed horribly from the loss of limb.

"Come on." Yugito said. "Temari's waking up."

"She is?"

"Couldn't you tell?"

"I was taking a nap and said okay when Chomei asked to move around for a bit."

"I guess that makes sense. Now come on, Chomei said it was urgent."

Fu nodded and obediently followed Yugito out the room, never leaving Naruto's side.

Once they cleared the room and hallway, they entered an open area that was full of seats, only occupied by Kurotsuchi. She looked up and promptly assumed the facial expression one takes when hit in the face with a shovel. "N-Naruto?"

Naruto wave back at her half-heartedly. She stood up on shaky legs and approached him carefully. "Y-Your arm…"

Naruto chuckled nervously. "Yeah, it's… gone." He didn't really know what to say to her in regards to his arm.

Tears beaded up in her eyelids and her lip began to tremble. Kurotsuchi wrapped Naruto in a rather light hug, making sure not to touch or agitate the nub of Naruto's left arm.

Naruto hugged her back. The fact that his left arm wasn't responding and in the process of being wrapped around his despondent girlfriend was horribly strange to him.

The door opened to the waiting room and two people walked out of it. One was Kankuro, who had shed his 'war paint', probably a good thing considering the amount of sweat proliferating on his face. The other was a medic nin wearing a beige smock looking slightly less shaken up than his puppeteer counterpart.

"She's okay for visitors now, but please don't crowd her and keep in mind that she's not entirely there due to the painkillers." The medic nin said.

"Oh, and Naruto." Kankuro said, before pulling out a wooden arm from his inner clothing. He walked over to Naruto and attached it to his stump with a satisfying clink sound. "I'm not done with your prosthetic yet, so you'll have to deal with Gaara's."

Naruto began moving his new arm around, tracking its movements through the air as he directed it with his will. "T-This is exactly like my old arm. Wait. Gaara's? When did he lose an arm?"

"He didn't. I have limbs stored for all my family members in case any of them have complications with their originals. What you have on you is a prosthetic made for domestic use. I collaborated with a sealing master to make sure that the chakra that flows through the arm is able to send signals to the chakra in the brain, telling it what you feel and don't feel through the process of nerve pantomime."

"You have limbs pre-made for both Temari and Gaara?"

"Hey, without those limbs, neither you nor Temari would be able to get the functionality that you normally would have if you had waited for a replacement limb. If they're connected with the tissue soon enough after the incident, then they're able to implant their unique chakra signatures as your limb to your brain, allowing for more accurate chakra-to-brain interaction."

Naruto waved it around experimentally a few more times. "Wait, if I get this latch thing, then does that mean that I can attach any prosthetic I want?"

"I guess."

"So why does Temari have to have hers grafted on?"

"Temari and I went over it a few years ago in case something like this ever happened. The leg is harder to create a latch mechanism for and have it work correctly, so Temari wished to have a specific leg prosthetic attached so she could maximize usefulness with it."

"Wait." Yugito said. "You made these a few years ago? How does it fit Naruto and Temari? Those should be tiny"

Kankuro lifted Naruto's fake arm and tapped the underside in a few places. The plates that made up the arms moved and expanded slightly. The arm had grown a few inches almost instantly. "They're made to scale up with their user."

Naruto shifted his arm around again. "This is so trippy." He smiled boldly at Kurotsuchi. "Looks like it wasn't a big deal after all."

After wiping the tears from her eyes, she punched him in the forearm of his prosthetic.

"Ow. That hurt."

"The domestic ones have the functionality to simulate pain. The combat ones don't." Kankuro said before lifting Naruto's arm once more and shrinking it in size.

"Why'd you do that?" Naruto asked Kurotsuchi.

"Testing purposes." She said mischievously.

Naruto half-glared at her. "Well at least you aren't all sad now. It's weird seeing you that way, all sad n' stuff."

"I'm allowed to be sad when my dearest husband gets his arm ripped off."

"Anyway." Kankuro said. "Temari's good for visitors. Don't stay too long. Don't tire her out. And push the purple button if you need me." After giving the explanations, Kankuro left the four to enter at their own discretion.

The room that Temari was in differed from Naruto's own room only in that the walls were smoothed down to a shine and that there were more machines beeping and humming around her. Temari was asleep in the bed, dozing away. There was no sheet covering her, only the hospital smock, which didn't conceal the prosthetic limb at all.

Naruto listlessly traced the curvature of the limb while he waited for her to wake up. "She looks so peaceful." Fu commented.

Kurotsuchi poked her in the stomach. "Oi, Stoic-chan. Wake up already."

"Don't." Yugito warned.

"I was promised a touching reunion between man, wife, and sister-wife. I don't have the patience nor the energy to wait any more." She began poking Temari's left breast. "Come on Braless Stoic-chan, everyone's waiting." These actions caused a smattering of blushes on Naruto and Fu, while annoying Yugito greatly.

Eventually Temari groaned and swatted lethargically at the hand poking her breast. "Stahp it." She slurred out.

"Hey Temari, wake up. It's your favorite sister wives and husband." Kurotsuchi said with a grin on her face.

These actions caused Temari to eventually crack her eyes open and survey the scenery around her. "Oh heey guuys. *sleepy groan* howsh it going?"

"We're asking you that." Yugito said softly. "How do you feel?"

Temari pulled herself up to sitting position and looked tiredly at the smock in front of her. "Horny." She stated finally.

"…Horny?" Yugito repeated.

"Horny." She began fumbling with the pad to her right. On it were a couple of buttons of varying color. She pressed the purple button.

Yugito caught her hand and laid it gently to her side. "I don't think you should do that."

Naruto leaned in to Fu "Didn't Kankuro say that he'll come if someone pushes the purple-"

"Is something wrong?" Kankuro asked as he walked in through the door.

"I'm horny." Temari said helplessly. "Get your shishter her porn. It's under the matrees."

Kankuro was silent for a solid three seconds before sighing into his hand. "Don't mind her, she's just loopy is all."

"I gathered that, thanks." Yugito remarked.

When the bed-bound kunoichi saw that Kankuro was walking out of the room, she shouted out after him "Get the one called Shinobi Tactics! THE ONE WITH THE ANAL!" Yugito immediately started to shush her, as her voice might have been heard in the other compartments around the hospital.

Kurotsuchi was doubled over in silent laughter, while Naruto and Fu were trying their best to not let their own roars of laughter spew from their blushing faces. "The one with the anal." Kurotsuchi repeated with no noise coming from her mouth. "Fucking priceless."

Yugito looked at the three with disapproving eyes. "You three are children."

Kurotsuchi pointed at the confused Temari. "Don't try to tell me that's not funny."

Temari began to slowly count the shinobi in the room with her. "One, two, three, four… where'sh the other one? The one with the giant boobsh?"

"Mei-sama is in a meeting with the other kage right now." Yugito replied. "I'm sorry that she couldn't be here."

Temari pouted to herself. "Hey Naruto." She said to the side.

"Yes honey?" he asked, finally calming down.

"Don't those boobs just make you wanna…" Temari made groping motions with her hands "Shqueeze 'em?"

Kurotsuchi was almost on the ground at this point. "I should have brought a camera. Temari after surgery is the best thing in the world."

Naruto chuckled a little bit at the not-all-too-there kunoichi in front of him. "No Temari, I can't say that I feel the want to squeeze Mei's breasts."

"Ha, gaaaayyy." She drawled out.

Naruto began cracking up at this accusation. Yugito cut it. "Hey, Temari, do you remember the ball at all? The mission?"

Temari looked back down at her smock and removed the bottom portion from herself. Fearing the worst, Yugito immediately put Temari's wandering hands back at her sides and put the smock back in place. Temari laughed to herself a little bit. "Yeaahh. It only causht an arm and a leg too."

"…So you know what happened?"

Temari began to rub absent-mindedly at her face. "My face. Is it all… gunked?" she asked Yugito.

"No, honey, they fixed your face."

Temari threw her hands in the air with a mighty woop of joy. "I can get married now!"

Yugito put Temari's arms to her side once more. "You already are honey."

"I am?" she asked bewildered. "Is he hot?" she asked airily.

Kurotsuchi nudged Naruto's side. "He's the hottest." She said, causing him to blush cutely.

"Where is he?"

"He's right here." Kurotsuchi said, presenting Naruto with a flourish.

Temari looked over at him slowly and tried to grin seductively at the blonde. Under the influence of painkillers, she just ended up with a very strange look on her face. "Hey beautiful." She said to Naruto. "Why don't you shay we get out of thish joint and go make shome babies?"

Kurotsuchi resumed silently laughing. "You heard her… get to baby making." She got out, clapping Naruto on the back.

"Come 'ere shtud." Temari said with a beckoning wave. Naruto, not sure of what to do, approached the bed closer.

"Yes TemarAH!?" Temari grabbed Naruto by the waist and pulled him onto the bed with her.

"You're warm." She said dreamily.

"Do we need to give you two lovebirds some alone time?" Kurotsuchi asked.

"Very funny." Naruto said. He tried to pry her arms off of him, but for a barely cognizant girl who just went through surgery, she was crazy strong. "Temari, let go. I have things to do."

Temari, instead, brought him closer to her and whispered in his ear. "Let'sh make shome babies."

Naruto looked helplessly at Yugito, who only returned a slightly amused look. "Oh, so now it's funny?"

"Yes, honey." She said sarcastically. "Now it's funny."

"Great…" Naruto tried to move his legs and get into a more comfortably position, but accidentally brushed his legs against her legs. With a great expansion of air and mechanical sounds, Temari's prosthetic expanded into a huge fan parallel to the ground. Yugito immediately pushed the purple button, hoping that her leg didn't have any poisonous or toxic stuff that would shoot out at the wrong push of the button.

While waiting for the puppeteer to arrive, Fu, Yugito, and Kurotsuchi busied themselves with making sure neither Naruto nor Temari made any sudden movements that might provoke a misfire.

"What is it this time-" Kankuro drew silent after taking in the situation. He walked over with an urgent step and tapped a few, seemingly random, places on the upper thigh of her prosthetic-turned-fan. After the fan retracted into her leg, he reached to her ankle, took the entire foot off, clicked switch in the innards of the mechanism, and put it back on. "Sorry, I forgot to put the safety on."

The three holding Temari down glared at the puppeteer, but Temari only looked confused at him. "Where'sh my porn?"

**AN/ heya guys, gentleman here. What do you guys think? Naruto and Temari got delimbed, The akatsuki are moving forward, Kurama and Matatabi have a philosophical conversation, and Kankuro won't give Temari her porn.**

**Read and review.**

**Have a gentlemanly day.**


	27. the concept

Chapter 27

**AN/ a lot of you have raised… good points in regards to how the characters interact with getting into fights against opponents 10 times stronger than them.**

**Okay, look. In this story, the akatsuki show up way before they normally would have because of the alliance. I'm not trying to be sadistic with the whole 'permanent injury' thing, but if I think about a fight between Deidara and Fu, I can't think of an outcome where she doesn't get blown the fuck up. Hinata + Kurotsuchi vs Jirobo + Hidan = Kurotsuchi and Hinata going FUBAR.**

**As for the nightmare scene, I was trying to drive home the effects of the injuries of his wives and friends upon Naruto's psyche.**

**I also don't think Naruto's capable of regrowing limbs, but I wouldn't know because he's never been delimbed in canon. I also forgot that Sakura created skin cells using the mystic palm. **_**That**_** one is on me. But I kind of feel vindicated with the rest of them.**

**One last thing, I would totally make the tags on this stretch longer than Romance/Humor. But there's only room for two. And I kind of feel like I write those best. Could just be me.**

**As you may have noticed from the previous chapters, I'm not too into the whole 'super long author note before the story', but I felt like it needed to be addressed without me somehow weaving it into the story like usual.**

00000000

The atmosphere in the meeting room was tense. It was a small room. Only one table that was surrounded comfortably by common kitchen appliances. A microwave, a toaster oven, a sink, cupboards holding all sorts of paraphernalia. A room where the nurses would gather during breaks or off time from their busy and hectic shifts.

This room was repurposed for the usage of five of the most powerful humans on the face of the planet.

The three kage, one acting kage, and one rebellion leader were crowded around the one circular table in the room. There used to be five more individuals, but they grew tired of the meeting and retreated to a more grandiose scene, whatever that meant.

Without the daimyos to provide details to the argument, the room had grown rather quiet. There were a lot of bad feelings coming and going between the five, but none of them had any sort of outlet for getting rid of those bad feelings.

The door to the break room opened and a woman with long blond hair walked in. Even if her stature was less than those sitting at the table in front of her, she had an imposing presence in and of itself.

"You called for me Raikage-sama?" she asked, not certain of what the need for her to be there was.

"Actually, Yugito Nii, I called for you." Tsunade said with a grave tone of voice.

"Is there something I can be a help to?"

Tsunade provided a long, unrelenting sigh. "Yes Yugito. We heard your documents from what happened at the ball, but now we want to know _why_ those things happened."

"I believe I made our intentions clear."

"Humor me."

"Well… we believed that we should help Yagura to escape from the Akatsuki due to the fact that there was danger of the Sanbi getting extracted from him."

"So you _knew_ that there were several members of the akatsuki there, and yet you still engaged? Even when one of them gave you the express option of not engaging?"

"We were… unsure of how many operatives were there."

"That's not the important thing here. What happened was that you engaged _several_, not just one or two, but _several_ members of the Akatsuki with the knowledge that only you, Mei, and arguably Fu were competent fighters."

Yugito reluctantly nodded. "Yes. The plan was to finish our fights quickly to help out the members of our group."

"But you still let them fight head to head with the S-ranked ninja?"

"We were under the assumption that they wouldn't be trying to kill us due to fear that if they did, that the 5 nations would try their hardest to bring them down in retribution."

"And look at all the good that did. I don't think I need to remind you that both Naruto and Temari had to get their one of their limbs removed. We're lucky that Baki here was awake enough to tell us that they could be given suitable replacements in Suna. We're also lucky that Jiraya had contact with the newly created Hirashin ANBU squad. We're also lucky that the Akatsuki members seem to think that we could feasibly take them down if we just tugged on our bootstraps and looked for them really hard. We're also lucky that Kankuro no Sabaku had created limbs for his family members in the event that they get their limbs drastically damaged in a mission."

Yugito was silent.

"Are you understanding a common theme here? We. Got. Lucky. And the most that lucky got us was both Naruto and Temari having to have _amputations_. If anything worse happened. If the akatsuki members didn't care enough to try and keep them alive. If Kankuro hadn't created those prosthetics beforehand. If Jiraya wasn't awake in time to contact the ANBU squad. Things could have been so much worse than they were. As it stands, you barely got away from the fight with the akatsuki the first time you engaged them, and we were willing to write that off as an unknown mission parameter. I shudder to think what could happen if you engaged them again. Kurotsuchi was legally dead for 5 minutes the first time she interacted with them. Fu got hit with an explosive at point blank range. You just recently got stabbed through the abdomen. And Temari and Naruto… well you know what happened to them."

"Is there a point with all of this?"

Tsunade's brow fell upon her hands for support, prompting Onoki to step in. "The alliance isn't looking too good. There have been suggestions by the Daimyo to get rid of it entirely and go back to the way things were, and truth be told, it isn't unfounded for them to want to."

"What do you mean by that?"

"The joint training camps: in shambles. It seems that the citizens and shinobi aren't too enthused with the idea of training alongside the people they considered their enemies for years and years. The trading routes: the daimyo can't seem to settle on areas where new trading routes can be established due to the fact that they all want the largest slice of the pie. You're not aware of this, but the amount of ninja going rogue has risen exponentially for the four ninja villages and it is suspected to be the same for the hidden mist as well."

Yugito looked around the room once more. "Where is he?"

"Don't know. He thanked us all for the support he received and walked out of the ballroom. We haven't heard of anything from him since then."

Yugito let all that knowledge sink in. "So what do we have to do in order to stop the alliance from falling apart?"

"In a word, get people to get along with each other. Make the leaders of nations act selflessly and work towards a common goal. Basically, make people ditch the concept of human nature."

"…We can do that."

"And how will you do so?"

Yugito smirked at the old man. "I know of a person who has managed to get five hostile kunoichi of different nations to work together under a common goal."

Mei smirked. "Naruto."

"The brat?" Ai asked. "How is he going to change anything? He's a nice kid I'm willing to admit, but he can't possibly do anything of that scale."

"I'm willing to bet that he can, Raikage-sama."

"How do you propose use him to do that?"

Yugito placed her hands on the table for support. "That depends. I'm going to need all the information possible on everything that's causing problems for the alliance."

00000000

Naruto looked at his new arm in wonder once more. He was in the process of channeling chakra through it in order to get used to the feeling of chakra flowing around the artificial chakra system developed in the hand.

"_Remember Naruto, you'll retain all the chakra manipulation that you had with your original arm, but it'll be a little bit different for you. It's imperative that you get used to it quickly."_

"_Yeah yeah. I get it. So if these things are so close to being actual arms, then why doesn't everyone get them?"_

"_There are a number of puppeteer prosthetics on the market, but to have the full functionality that your arm and Temari's leg has, there has to be certain very expensive materials to be used for the creation of the limb. This material allows your body to send chakra into the arm without rejecting it entirely. There are also very delicate chakra lines moving almost directly similar to that of the chakra circulatory system and tenketsu in your arm. You'll still be able to weave handsigns and use chakra shape manipulation, but like I said, you'll have to get used to it again."_

"_So basically, to get these prosthetics, one would have to know a very skilled puppeteer who is very wealthy and likes you enough to make you one ahead of time that may or may not ever be used."_

_Kankuro nodded. "You're a bit more perceptive than I thought you were."_

"_Had to happen at some point."_

Naruto was roused from his chakra exercises from the sudden groaning from his side. He hadn't left Temari's room even when Fu, Kurotsuchi, and Yugito did. He wanted to make sure that she slept well, considering that all the fight left her when he finally managed to pry her off of him.

"Hey Temari. How's it going?"

She started stretching in her bed like a cat. "Nothing much. Had a really weird dream."

"Really? What was in it?"

She chuckled a little bit. "You know that ball we're supposed to go to? Well I dreamt that the akatsuki show up. Then I dreamt that I get the mechanical leg that Kankuro made for me grafted on."

Well that can't be good.

Naruto was dead silent. He didn't know what to say. She cracked an eye open his way, which eventually led to them opening wide in shock. "Naruto… Y-Your arm…"

Naruto chuckled nervously and began rubbing the back of his neck. "It's only a flesh wound…"

Temari stopped her stretching immediately and averted her eyes downward to her own leg. A single shaky hand drew away the smock covering the leg fully, allowing her a full view of her prosthesis. Her breathing hitched and she leaned against the railing of the bed slowly. "S-S-So it really… D-Did happen."

"B-But hey." Naruto said, smiling as wide as he could in the moment. "Kankuro made us some really kick ass replacements."

Temari experimentally tapped the thigh of her leg. Tears were beading up in her eyes. He had been expecting a very negative reaction and had mentally prepared for what to do in the situation that she needed comforting. Naruto walked over and wordlessly put his arms around her. "It's going to be alright." He said as soothingly as he could.

Temari roughly shoved him away from her. "No, it's NOT going to be alright!" Her face was scrunched up in pain and sadness and loss. "I lost my FUCKING leg!"

Naruto was definitely shaken up by her sudden show of emotion. "B-But the prosthetics…"

"So what about the prosthetics? So what about anything?"

"T-They're really cool…"

Temari's hand shot out and gripped Naruto's prosthesis at the joint. With a few touches and a sudden jerk, Naruto's new arm was in the firm grasp of Temari, detached from his body. "This is just wood and wires. It isn't your arm. How can you be so calm about this? How long have I been out?"

"I-I… you've been unconscious for about 18 hours."

"And how long have you been unconscious?"

"About 11."

She started waving the arm around almost like it was a toy. "Hey, I'm Naruto. I'm going to protect everyone and everyone is going to protect each other." She said in a mocking voice.

Naruto looked dejectedly at the stump of his arm.

"Everyone is going to be safe. No one is going to get severely maimed like last time."

"…Stop it." Naruto said quietly.

"With the power of love, cooperation, and badassery, we're going to take over the ninja world and solve every single crime ever. And no one is going to hate us. And no one is going to try and take revenge and cut our limbs off."

"Stop it." Naruto said a little more firmly.

"I really like Kurotsuchi and she really likes me back. But because we're together, that means that no one is getting hurt by that fact. No one is going to feel sad sad."

Naruto snatched the arm away from Temari and tried to put it back in place, but the mechanism was too difficult for him. Throwing it to the side in frustration, Naruto said. "I get it. I'm stupid. I don't know how the world works. I don't know how we're going to get rid of everyone's hate. And I don't know how other people feel most of the time." Tears began to flow from Naruto's eyes. "Truthfully, I'm so _not_ okay with my arm being fake. But guess what? The real thing is gone now and all I have left is this little bundle of wood and wires."

Tears began to glimmer in Temari's eyes too.

"I have to deal. I have to make sure everyone knows that I'm okay because if I'm not okay, then people start to feel not okay too." Naruto sat down in the chair with a sense of finality and began to rub at his arm joint. "I-I… I'm really sorry. I know that is my fault for initiating the fight. I know that it's my fault that I lost my arm. I know it's my fault that you lost your leg. I know this and I'm sorry.

Temari was silent for a while before speaking up again. "I-I'm sorry that I blew up like that. It's just… overwhelming. Everyone's getting hurt. Everyone's fighting fights that are too destructive and costly. I'm worried that at some point we're just going to be a bunch of invalids, sitting in a room and 'upholding the alliance'."

Naruto got up from the chair and slowly walked over. "I'm sorry too."

"You don't _have_ to be sorry. And you know, that's not a healthy thing to do."

"What isn't?"

"'Dealing', making sure that everyone just sees a good side of you. If you're hurting, especially on the inside, you have to tell us. Internal injuries are way more serious than external ones."

Naruto sat at the edge of her bed and was silent for a long time, deep in thought, before asking "…Do you think Fu really likes me?"

"This is what you're most worried about right now?"

"…I've got a new arm. That part of my life is solved. I'm working on getting stronger so I can protect the people precious to me. That part of my life is getting worked on. I'm trying to get Kyuubi to talk to me, but it's been kind of hard lately. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about that part of my life… I-I'm not sure about you guys though. That's the only part of my life right now that's really scary and confusing. Do you think Fu likes me?"

Temari nodded with a slight smile on her face. "Yeah, I do."

Naruto was silent once more. "…What should I do?"

"Are you willing to share the love?"

"… I don't know. What would… how would… what if it doesn't work out?"

"How so?"

"Like… what if Kurotsuchi says she's okay with it at first, but she really isn't? What if the whole… sharing thing, makes people not like each other?"

"I think you can do it."

"How do you know that though?"

Temari smirked at him. "Right now I'm looking a guy who's shown a person who only thought of himself as a demon, that's he's not a demon. I'm looking at the guy who brought my brother back to being my brother."

"Well… yeah. That's because we're similar. Gaara never knew love and neither did I. But I found people precious to me and he didn't."

"Then how do you explain turning a cold, stoic kunoichi into a woman who can't sleep unless she's cuddling you?"

Naruto wasn't able to come up with an answer.

"How you do you explain getting into a romantic relationship with Kurotsuchi, granddaughter of Onoki, you father's mortal enemy?"

"I don't know… we like each other?"

Temari patted Naruto on the leg. "You don't know this, but you have something about you that just makes others flock to you."

"What does that mean?"

"That means that I think Kurotsuchi and Fu are going to be fine sharing you. Plus, you've got shadow clones. Those should help out a lot." She said with a mischievous grin on her face.

Naruto grinned back at her. "So… are you okay now? With the whole leg thing?"

Temari began to tap the prosthetic listlessly. "Nope, not really. I just got into a fight with one of the most powerful people in the planet all in order to protect a guy who probably didn't deserve it. Now I'm missing a leg and I'm not sure how well it works. And I'm kind of scared that it won't."

Naruto grabbed her hand. "Even if you'll never walk again, I'll carry you to where you need to go, always. It's a promise"

Temari held onto the hand like a lifeline. "You and your promises"

"Yeah, me and my promises. Now come on, no time like the present." Naruto began pulling at her arm enthusiastically.

She took it for support and dragged herself out of bed. "I should probably put your arm back on." She said almost embarrassedly.

"Yeah, that'd be good." Using Naruto as support, she managed to walk the way to the chair where Naruto had tossed the arm and attach it back on to him.

He shrugged his left arm around, getting used to the arm again. It really was disorienting not having any functionality when his left arm was off.

Temari's steps were slow and indecisive. The fact that she was operating on a leg that wasn't originally hers was probably going to give her troubles for a while. It must have been much worse for her than Naruto because even if he didn't have any hand-eye coordination with his new arm yet, he could still move around without it. Temari didn't have that luxury.

Her arm was wrapped around Naruto's neck, using his body for support while she dragged her prosthesis forward.

They exited the room together and made their way down the hall. "So, where to?" Naruto asked eventually.

"I just want to head home for now."

"Do I need to check you out?"

"I'm sure it'll be fine."

The two amputees walked down the hall, supporting each other all the way along.

00000000

Obito looked at the unconscious body in front of him. It was Yagura of the Hidden Mist, sleeping soundly, not aware that he wasn't going to wake up.

The while situation with Yagura had gotten out of hand, he decided. He first used Yagura as a puppet in order to recruit valuable assets into the akatsuki and keep an eye on the situation with the kekai genkai users. Later, he was used in order to get rid of some of Kirigakure's kekai genkai users, although he was given autonomy to do so. Obito was never very interested in the prospect of micromanaging, so he only planted an idea in his head that the kekai genkai users were bad for the future of Kirigakure. This naturally spiraled out of control because of the kage's desire to keep his citizens safe.

Every once and a while, he would check up on him in order to make him do a specific action, like when he was directed to attack Mei and the group rebels in order for him to ascertain their strength.

Yagura was a useful person to have in his clutches, but with the fact that the akatsuki were coming after him, now would be a good time to cut a loose thread.

"Hey! Kakuzu-senpai! I've found some unconscious guy!" Tobi yelled from somewhere in the woods.

"I don't GIVE A FUCK!" Kakuzu normally wouldn't yell to get a point across, but he was at wits end from Tobi's machinations. Currently, they were on a mission to go get some nobody from the land of birds. Kakuzu was on the road, while Tobi had gone off into the woods at some point.

"But Kakuzu-senpai. He's important!"

"Unless he's the guy we're picking up a bounty on, then I couldn't care less."

"But Kakuzu-senpai! He's a Jinchuuriki!"

Kakuzu stopped in his tracks. "There's no way that you managed to come across a Jinchuuriki!"

"He's that Yagura guy!"

"Stop playing jokes and come out of there."

There was a rustling of leaves and other such shrubbery as Tobi walked casually out of the woods with a certain Jinchuuriki on his back. "Kakuzu-senpai! Do I get a raise now?"

"Who is that guy?"

"Yagura."

"I meant who is the guy that you henged into a likeness of Yagura. We're bounty hunters, not murderers or kidnappers unless the contract specifies. Go put him back."

"But Kakuzu-senpaaaiiii. He's the real deal."

Kakuzu sighed into his hand and walked over to the annoying manchild. "If this is Yagura, the kage of the hidden mist, one of the strongest people ever born, the guy with the sanbi sealed inside of him, then he purportedly has a seal located on his sternum which holds the sanbi at bay."

Tobi lifted the small man's shirt up with a flourish and channeled chakra into his system. Almost immediately, a medium sized seal came into being directly on his sternum.

Kakuzu nearly shit bricks.

00000000

Kurotsuchi and Fu were decidedly alone in the Sabaku mansion. For the family of the previous kage, they didn't live in splendor like Fu or Kurotsuchi was expecting them to. Then again, Kurotsuchi was family of the kage and she lived with her dad, not her gramps. It's probably different for different villages, she decided.

Naruto had just arrived moments prior with Temari hanging off of him. Supposedly, she was getting better with the whole 'moving around with a new leg' thing. Naruto had decided to hit the hay with Temari from exhaustion and hopefully get their sleep schedules back on track considering it was evening early night.

Although, before absconding for the night, Temari had told Kurotsuchi something rather… pressing in nature.

Kurotsuchi and Fu were decidedly alone in the Sabaku mansion from the standpoint that they were probably going to have to talk to each other at some point, and Kurotsuchi didn't know how to broach the subject that Temari had told her of.

"Sooo… Fuu…" Kurotsuchi approached casually from the living room and into the kitchen where her counterpart was standing. "What's up?"

"Nothing much." She replied offhandedly. The green haired girl was sifting through the fridge, looking for something that fancied her tastes. "There's almost nothing in here. No meat, no greens. Nothing."

Kurotsuchi mentally sighed in relief. This could be a good way broach the subject casually. The normally abrasive girl walked over and checked the fridge as well. "Why don't we just cook up some eggs?"

Fu squinted at the eggs on the top shelf of the fridge. "Are those eggs? People eat eggs?"

"Where have you been your entire life? Under a rock?"

"In the wilderness."

"Ah." Kurotsuchi grabbed the eggs, a pan, and set the stove to medium. When the pan was properly heated up, she cracked a few eggs onto the pan and began swirling them around. Although she might not have been able to cook very adequately, she could at least handle eggs.

"So what do eggs taste like?"

"I don't know. They taste like eggs. It's a base flavor."

"What's a base flavor?"

"A flavor that can't be described by putting two other flavors together. Like you'd be able to describe what an egg sandwich tastes like because you'd only have to say it tastes like eggs and bread. But eggs are just… eggs. You can't describe them because they're just eggs."

"Sounds delicious."

"They're pretty good." Once the eggs were properly fluffy and scrambled, she heaped the scrambled eggs onto two plates and pushed one to Fu. After that, she started looking for any utensils in the drawers. It took a while, but she eventually brought out two forks from a slide-out drawer from somewhere towards the back of the kitchen.

"I've got the…" Kurotsuchi's words died in her throat as she saw Fu licking her fingers in delight, devoid of any scrambled eggs in front of her. "Forks…"

Fu cracked an eye open and looked at her with a confused expression on her face. "This is a utensil food?"

"Well… yeah. They're scrambled eggs."

"They don't feel like utensil food."

"But… they are."

"They taste just fine without them."

"But you're supposed to eat them with the forks."

"… It's a bit too late for that I guess." Fu pushed her plate away from her and walked into the living room where the TV sat. "Thanks for the food." She said from across the way.

Kurotsuchi dropped the plate Fu had been using into the sink. The fact that Fu had been living in the wilderness most of her life was starting to really sink in right about now. Kurotsuchi eyed the eggs on her own plate and decided she didn't have the appetite for food just right now. She dumped the food into the garbage and the plate into the sink.

Fu was languidly stretched out on the sofa and watching TV with a zombified expression. Kurotsuchi sat down beside her. "So Fu. We need to talk."

"'Bout what?" Fu continued to stare at the screen.

"About the uhh… the uhh…" Kurotsuchi snatched the remote and turned the TV off. There was no way she could bring this up with the TV in the background. "About you liking Naruto."

Fu went stiff as a board and her eyes grew wide for a fraction of a second before she put up a poker face. "What are you talking about? I don't like Naruto." She chuckled nervously.

Well, that settles it then. Temari was telling the truth. "You do like Naruto. You really need to work on your poker face. It's pretty bad."

"I mean… I just, I don't… you and Naruto are together."

Kurotsuchi nodded intellectually. "Yep, we're together."

"So it doesn't matter if I like him or not."

"But it kind of does."

"But it kind of doesn't." Fu said pointedly. "Yes. I-I like him, I guess. But it doesn't matter because he's with you and everything."

"Fu… I just-"

"What? You want to share him?" she asked sarcastically.

"I knew that it was going to be a problem at some point." Kurotsuchi said with a troubled tone of voice. "I mean, he's married to five women."

"Y-You're serious?"

"I mean… there have to be ground rules."

Fu sat up at attention. "I'm listening."

"First of all, we can't be _with_ him when we're around each other."

"Okay."

"Second of all, we have to be open about this. If we have a problem, we have to tell each other."

"I'm a blunt person, okay. Wait, what about shadow clones?"

"What about them?"

"Well he basically turns into two people with that. That'll help right?"

"Yeah, we ask permission to use the shadow clone. That's actually a good point, we only go through with this if Naruto's okay with it."

"Well he _is_ a guy. He'll probably be okay with it."

Kurotsuchi didn't seem too sure. "I don't know. He's not really that kind of guy."

Fu shrugged. "We'll get to that point when we get to it. Anything else? What about Temari, Yugito, or Mei?"

"I… guess if they and Naruto… want to start something. But… I don't know. We'll get to that point when we get to it."

"Right!" Fu seemed giddy at the prospect of being able to get romantically involved with Naruto. "Are you sure you're okay with this?"

"Nope, I'm not sure. I'm really conflicted about this because I'm scared that it's not going to work."

Fu's face fell at hearing those words.

"But."

Fu's face lit up once more. "But…?"

Kurotsuchi offered a fist to bump. "Nothing ventured, nothing gained. This could go horribly wrong, or it could go horribly right. Only time will tell."

Fu grinned as wide as she could and bumped fists. "Whatever happens, we'll stay friends, right?"

Kurotsuchi smiled back at her. "Yeah."

00000000

Yugito rubbed the back of her neck and sighed in exhaustion. "God I'm so sore."

This prompted Mei, who was walking by her side, to do so as well. "I know what you mean. Whoever is jealous of big breasts obviously don't know what it's actually like to have them. They absolutely destroy your back."

"Good to know. Where's the Sabaku mansion anyway?"

Mei pointed at a hulking figure silhouetting the moon. "Should be that one."

"I hope that Suna at least has comfy home beds. Those ones at the hospital were so stiff."

"I wouldn't know. I didn't get _any_ sleep since the ball."

"Seriously?"

Mei shrugged helplessly. "Duty calls and all."

"Mmhmm."

They walked the rest of the way to the Sabaku residence engaged in idle conversation. Baki had a house key, seeing as he used to be the sensei to the three sand siblings, so he lend it to the two women for a place to stay for the night.

Yugito opened the door and announced their presence. "Hey guys! Things're happening!" Nothing but silence met her.

"They're probably asleep." Mei suggested.

Yugito looked at a nearby analogue clock. "It's already 11:15. We should probably go too."

Mei stretched her back out in agreement. "So what do you think about the idea with the training camp?"

"I don't know. It might help. It might not help. Are you even allowed to go with us to the training camp? You _are_ a pretty important person down by Kiri."

"I'll probably check up every now and again. I might even send a few of my non-essential personal over to help out."

Yugito climbed the stairs to where she perceived the bedrooms to be. "What's it like to have two kekai genkai anyway?"

"Other than being able to shoot lava and corrosive steam where people usually shoot fire and lightning, not much. What's it like to be a Jinchuuriki?"

"Other than being able to turn into a giant hellcat and always having a perverted, nagging voice in the back of my head, not much."

"**You know you love me."**

"Yes. Matatabi, I love you." Yugito said airily, as though they had already had this conversation many times before and Yugito was just too tired to keep up with it at the moment.

"Your giant hellcat, I presume?"

"What? Oh yeah. Did I just speak out loud?"

Mei nodded.

"Well, as far as giant hellcats go, at least she's nice and cares about me."

Mei began opening doors, looking for any sign of Naruto, Temari, Fu, or Kurotsuchi. When she finally did open the door into a dark room with a bed that had lumps protruding from them, she held up a finger to her lips and crept in all ninja-like.

Yugito did a few handseals and a small, luminous fire levitated in her palm. Dark enough to not inhibit their sleeping, but light enough to see who was in the bed.

Mei made a cut aaahh'ing sound. "That's so adorable." All four of the people in the house were cuddling together in a tight bundle under the covers. Kurotsuchi wrapped herself around Naruto, who had Temari in his arms, with Fu being directly in between them.

Yugito smiled wistfully and began taking off her clothes. Mei quirked a brow at her behavior. "What're you doing?"

"There's still room on the bed."

"You're going to join them?"

"They look comfy. I need comfy right about now." Yugito shucked away the last of her clothing and climbed into bed next to Kurotsuchi wearing only her underwear. Mei shrugged and did the same, but on Temari's side.

Yugito extinguished the small fire giving luminescence and went to sleep with the rest of the group, with the rest of her friends.

Were they friends? Yes, she's like to think that they were friends at this point.

00000000

Gaara's face was straining with the effort of keeping his sand afloat. He had been going for an entire hour straight, trying his best to get home as quickly as he could.

The sleep-deprived Jinchuuriki was on a mission when he heard the news about Temari's injury and subsequent amputation, so he had immediately flown off on a cloud of sand as fast as he could to be there for his family.

He breezed through the two who were guarding the entrance, not having to show credentials due to the fact that there was only one person in the world who could fly using a cloud of sand.

Gaara flew to his mansion as fast as he could to get Kankuro. He went in through a window to the house and briskly walked to his brother's room, only to find it empty. With an afterthought, he opened the door to his sister's room, but wasn't expecting to find what he was expecting to find because of the thought that she would still be at the hospital. In the bed that he normally associated as Temari's, there were six people sleeping soundly underneath the covers. A slice of moonlight penetrated the window, giving him a clear view of everyone there.

His sister was there, clutching onto his brother-in-law and sleeping soundly. So there was that at least.

"Who are you people?" He asked, mostly to himself, in reference to the four others sharing her bed.

**AN/ there you have it. I'm not too sure how I feel about this chapter.**

**Read and review**

**Have a gentlemanly day.**


	28. the camp

Chapter 28

"This is Alpha. What is everyone's status? Sound off, over."

"Bravo here. Eyes on target."

"Charlie here. Readying tripwire."

"Delta here. Approaching from above."

"…"

"Foxtrot, respond."

"…"

"Foxtrot, respond."

"I'm busy."

"Busy? What the fuck are you busy with? This is important!"

"Language."

"Sound. Off."

"I told you, I'm busy."

"What, pray tell, are you busy with?"

"There's a pebble stuck in my arm."

"Is it impeding your movement?"

"No, but it's really uncomfortable."

"Then it isn't very important now is it? Are you in position?"

"I've been in position for a while now. And what is it with all these codenames? I don't remember anyone except for you, Alpha, and that's only because I'm married to you."

There was an elongated sigh over the intercom. "The reason that we're using codenames is in case anyone on the other team in on the same frequency as us."

"Oh? Is that why? Then why was I saddled with Foxtrot? What if you were saddled with Catjump? Or Pumapounce? That's a pretty big call out on who we are."

"If we go with the conventions, then we won't have to worry about that."

"What are they going to hear anyway? We already planned out everything ahead of time. The only thing that they're going to be hearing is really vague terms like 'I'm in position.', or 'there's a pebble stuck in my arm.'

"Because that's so vague."

"Exactly."

"Hey guys, are we going to go with the plan or won't we?"

"We're going with the plan, Golf. Everyone else sound off."

"Hotel underground and in position."

"India here, I have a good line of sight on the target."

"Xray here-"

"Xray? Why does he get Xray?"

"Because, Foxtrot, he threw a fit."

"I didn't throw a fit."

"Stow it Xray. What do you have to report?"

"They're the genuine articles alright. They don't expect a thing."

"Okay good. We'll act in one… two… three… NOW."

A series of wires whipped out from the trees that surrounded a small clearing and attempted to wrap around anybody within their reach. In the clearing was a group of 8 individuals, one holding a blow-up doll wearing a paper Miko get-up. The wire encircled around the leg of one of the people there, and she went down with a thud. From the foliage leapt Yugito, who wasted no time in engaging the enemy. Someone fell from the canopy while they were distracted by Yugito and managed to drop an enemy before the rest of them noticed what was wrong. A pair of hands sprouted from the ground and held tight to an enemy's leg, holding him in place.

One enemy unit wised up to what was happening and shouted out a jutsu name. **"Great Cylinder Wall."** The clearing's ground vibrated vigorously before a giant, several foot thick encampment sprouted from the ground. Yugito and the two others who had made it in were promptly pushed back to the wall from the reorganized enemy unit.

A shinobi tried to vault over the wall, but was nailed in the chest by a violent expulsion of quicklime. The soggy material congealed around him and hardened, keeping him from maneuvering out of the way from impacting the ground where he lay for the time being.

One of the enemy units, the one holding onto the blow up doll, vaulted over the wall with the help of a wind chakra empowered kick and began racing to her destination. Her progress was halted when a long, thin blade impaled and went through the tree she was about to leap to. There was a paper thin strand of wire coming out of the blade's hilt, taking away her ability to move forward. A shinobi jumped on the branch she was about to leap onto and grabbed a hold of the wire, then pulled the blade through it.

Three others jumped on the resounding trees, but the first shinobi told them "Don't worry about her. Go help everyone else." With a commanding tone.

After a moment's hesitation, they complied and jumped into the cylinder to bail out the rest of their teammates.

Naruto leaned against the Nuibari and smiled at Temari. "Heya, how's it going? Sorry, but I'm going to need to take that sex doll."

Temari smirked back at him. "You can have it after I'm done with her."

"Are we really using toys to spice up our relationship already? It's been what, a month? Two months?"

"About four months now, actually"

"Oh, that's right. I was out for two of those wasn't I?"

"Shouldn't you be using toys with Fu and Kurotsuchi right about now as opposed to me?"

A small dusting of red graced Naruto's cheeks and nose. "That's- No- I don't-"

"Getting flustered are we? Or do you just need Fu and Kurotsuchi to take care of you more… virile needs?"

The blush expanded to all of Naruto's face.

"Getting horny just thinking about it?"

"Stop joking about that."

"You started it."

"And you took it way too far."

Temari acquiesced to that fact by holding up her hands in defeat. "Whatever. The fact remains that I need to transport Ms. Miko here alive and well. And you're in the way of that."

Naruto held the Nuibari horizontally to his chest. "I guess you could say that."

Temari's smirk increased in intensity. She crouched low to the branch and using a wind chakra powered jump, flew directly towards and past Naruto.

"That's not fair! You can't use your leg for that!" Naruto shouted after her.

"Didn't agree to that!" She shouted back.

Naruto grumbled and pushed a few buttons on his prosthetic left arm. "Didn't agree my ass." His prosthetic opened up from a seam that went from his shoulder all the way to his wrist. Clamps and wires shot out and Naruto placed the Nuibari firmly within their grasp. Once they had a grip on the sword, they clung close to and held it inside of Naruto's arm.

A building pressure and force started emanating from his shoulder and went all the way to his wrist very slowly and slightly painfully. Naruto aimed his arm to the left of where Temari headed off and tapped another button on his shoulder. One second the Nuibari was within his arm, the next it was gone. The only trace of it ever having been there in the first place was a thin wire continuously spiraling out of Naruto's wrist.

It was his new arm, one that Kankuro had made himself for Naruto's express use. It basically had the ability to turn into a sword hurling canon using a very complicated series of rotating gears, wires, and chakra.

Naruto didn't know the inner complexities of the arm, but knew that it was very awesome and very easy to accidentally get a pebble stuck inside of.

Ahead of him, the Nuibari made a sudden right turn and blocked Temari's path. It continued on this journey until it had circled around Temari's position several times, ensnaring her within a bundle of trees held impassible by micro-thin wire.

Naruto raced ahead to find Temari trying desperately to cut through some of the wire with a knife. "Cool, huh? It's a good thing that I didn't agree to not using my arm either, huh?" Naruto asked smugly. "Now fork over the doll. I don't want to have to go domestic violence on you."

Temari ceased her cutting only to look at Naruto incredulously. "Did you really just make that joke?"

"It was wonderfully crafted. Now, the doll." Naruto said expectantly.

Temari's left leg straitened violently and expanded into a large fan. She sent a high kick downwards and unleashed a violent burst of wind empowered blades to cut down the trees she was stuck within at the bases of the trunks. The tension of the wire slackened and Temari was free to make her escape.

Naruto grumbled a little bit and shot after her. "Seriously! Give it!"

"Nah." She said with nonchalance whilst continuing to move at very fast velocities.

Naruto cocked his right arm back and began to aim the Nuibari to entrap her once again. He didn't have the time to wait for his arm to charge like last time, so he chose not to bother with it.

Just as he got a good view of her, she stopped dead on the branch with a suddenness he did not expect. Naruto didn't stop and Temari grabbed his left arm when he passed by her. She hit a few places at the shoulder and the entire thing unlatched itself from his stump.

Temari smirked and kicked him in the chest. The impact was light, but the force of the wind emanating from her prosthetic was more than enough to make him shoot off into the forest.

"That is so not fair!" Naruto shouted as he went.

"Don't care!" Temari shouted after him.

Only steps later, the Nuibari zipped past her head, accidentally nicking the Miko doll. It began spluttering and deflating. "Oh goddamn it." She paused and reached into her ninja pouch for a small, compact device.

Naruto landed on the branch next to her, ready for more combat, but the look of the deflating doll made him stop. "Eh? What's the big idea here? I need her alive."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have cut her up." Temari hissed, gesturing to the Nuibari as it was quivering in a tree.

"I wouldn't have cut her up if I had better balance, Ms. Armsnatcher." Naruto said, gesturing to his arm as it was dangling from her grasp. Temari tossed the arm over to Naruto, then loaded the device with a red cylinder. She aimed upwards and shot it off. The cylinder flew into the air, trailing a green smoke as it went. She pocketed the flare gun.

Just around that time, there were more flares as they flew up into the sky. They had various colors associated with them. "Looks like it's a tie again." Temari said to Naruto.

He groaned. "We really needed a win. We're down in points."

Temari placed her hands on her hips and smirked playfully at Naruto. "Yeah, I know that."

Figures began showing up left and right. Some going to Temari and others going to Naruto.

Yugito jumped onto the branch Naruto was standing on and looked down on him with a serious expression on her face. "You wanna tell me what happened?"

"Okay, this is not my fault. Temari." Naruto paused to gesticulate to his sand wife. "Took my arm mid-fight. That's against the rules."

"First off," Temari said. "We're ninja. There are no rules. Second off, that was never described in the meeting beforehand."

"No use of anything relating to a special power such as, but not limited to, bijuu, some kekai genkai, pre-made sealing arrays, and so on. These prosthetics are in that category."

"Any normal person can get their hands on a prosthetic."

Naruto grumbled to himself indignantly. "Okay, we're just going to have to see about this with the camp leader, won't we?"

00000000

Several weeks had passed since they first arrived at the joint training camp. In total, there was about 200 ninja total spanning from all five of the major nations and a few of the smaller ones. Truthfully, there wasn't much use in the camp other than trying to get people open to the idea to getting along. There were different instructors that people went to when they needed different things worked on. There was a chakra control course, a chakra expansion course, several elemental chakra nature courses, genjutsu courses, taijutsu courses, medical ninjutsu courses. Heck, there was even a domestic studies course taught by some civilians. Suffice to say, there were things being taught there that one could learn in their home village.

The only difference in learning at the camp and learning at their villages was the fact that they were surrounded by people that they had been trained since birth to hate. Well not the minor villages, they were just happy to be there.

The 200 were split up in 3 teams. Red, Blue, and Purple. Naruto and Yugito were with the Reds. Kurotsuchi and Temari were with the Blues. And Fu and Mei were with the Purples. Every week, there were customary 'war' games. Different operations carried out by different teams of various sizes all occurred concurrently to each other. However a team did as a whole gave them special rewards. More shower time, better food, good bedding, and so on. So there was an incentive to do well, although lethal techniques were not allowed during the 'war' games and neither were powers that would render the whole games one sided and useless.

Red team had been on a losing streak recently, making the tensions between the nationalities higher than they would have been.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT YOU DUMBASS SANDFUCKER!"

"EAT A DICK YOU CUNT! YOU DIDN'T HAVE MY BACK WHEN I WAS PREPARING MY TECHNIQUE!"

Although Naruto and Yugito's operation didn't go so smoothly, ending with a tie when both teams needed the 'hostage' alive, there were a few operations that went horribly. A group of twenty Reds went against a group of twenty Purples for a 'king of the hill' game type. They were beat into the ground within minutes of starting the fight, rendering the concept of 'king of the hill' useless.

The leaf nin and the sand nin began tussling on the ground. No ninja techniques, no taijutsu, no genjutsu, nothing except for the want to inflict as much pain on the other as possible. Yugito walked over to the two as blue flames began erupting all across her body. An audience formed around the situation. Two tails sprouted from her tailbone and wrenched them away from each other. It was a good thing that Yugito could control whether or not she wanted the fires to burn, else they would have been toast within seconds. The niibi animoorph looked at the two nin with disdain. "What was this about?" She asked in a raspy, deep voice.

Fear was immediately evident on their faces. "S-She didn't have my back when I was preparing a fire jutsu, so we both got taken out." The Sand nin said while pointed shakily at the Leaf nin.

"I-I was busy trying not to get hit by a lightning technique." The Leaf nin said in defense.

Two calico eyes peered at them in disappointment. "Fighting is to be done in the designated sparring areas. Punishment has to be delivered for failure to comply." Yugito found out a while ago that speaking robotically while in her niibi half form was much more intimidating than when she spoke normally. "Do either of you have any suggestions in how you wish to be punished?" It wasn't so much as the fact that they had been going against the rules so much as they were perpetuating the hatred that the camp was trying to lessen.

Both of them were far too afraid to answer correctly. "If neither of you have any suggestions, then I guess that I will have to-"

"I know what to do with them!" Naruto shouted out from somewhere in the group surrounding Yugito and her two new ninja friends. He began pushing his way through the crowd and finally caught sight of the three giving him their attention. "Can I get some chairs?" he asked the audience of nin.

After a little bit of scrambling, some wooden fold out chairs were passed along to Naruto. He unfolded two of them and sat them facing towards each other. "Neko-chan, can you sit down our new friends?"

"Don't call me that." Yugito ordered, setting the two into the chairs.

"Do you prefer Neko-sama then?"

"Yugito."

"Fair enough. Now! You two" he said to the two confused nin. "Are going to be holding hands for the next two hours, else you'll be shipped back to your home villages." Naruto said while smiling widely.

"What?!"

"You don't have the authority."

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki. I have a lot authority over things than you know. So are you two going to be holding hands for the next two hours, or packing your bags?"

Yugito tapped Naruto's shoulder. "We can't afford to send away two nin." Losing two able bodied ninja wasn't a very good in the long haul. Their team needed some moral boost and moral boost was best obtained through excessive wins and subsequent rewards.

"I honestly don't really care about that right now. The whole point of this camp is to figure out what we have in common and to at least act nicely to each other. If these two aren't in the spirit, then they go home." Naruto said with an air of finality. "Plus, I honestly don't think that they'd be willing to be sent home in shame for not holding hands."

Neither of them made any move to do what Naruto had told them to do.

"I'm going to count to three." Naruto warned.

The Sand nin looked away and grabbed a hold of the Leaf nin's hand suddenly. "Let's just get this over with then." He said hastily.

She looked like she wanted to tell him off, but huffed and looked to the side instead, trying her best to not to think about how she was touching him.

"Ah-Ah-Ah." Naruto said chidingly. "Both hands."

They began fumbling for each the opposite's other hand without moving their necks to look. It was quite the comical sight actually.

When they had each other's hands firmly in their grasp, they went back to their silent hatred of each other. "Nope." Naruto said. "Eye contact."

"What the fuck man?"

"I'm not doing that."

"Hey Yugito, can you go get Temari for me? I need to ask her something." Naruto asked, grinning like the devil.

The sand nin's eyes widened in surprise. Nearly every nin in Sand knew about the Sabaku family line and were at least aware of the clout that they held. "Whatever." He said, looking forward at the Leaf nin. "It's just two hours, you bitch."

Her head whipped from the side and glared at the Leaf nin in disdain. "Cocksucker."

"Treefucker."

"Sandass."

"Stop insulting each other." Yugito said.

"No, no. it's alright." Naruto said while smirking. "They're doing what I told them to do. Now we leave them. But don't think about looking away, I'll be watching."

With that, he promptly left the crowd, which dispersed behind them. Many of them had smiles on their faces as they looked at the two nin insult each other endlessly. Yugito walked after Naruto, flames dissipating along the way.

"What was that about?"

"What?"

"They're only going to hate each other more now."

"No they're not. Two hours is a long time to remain in physical contact with and to be looking in each other's eyes. Eventually, they'll settle their differences."

"How do you know that?"

Naruto shrugged. "Worked for me. Well, the situation was a little different, but it works this way too."

Yugito looked at Naruto with a confused expression on her face. "What do you mean you've done that before? Is that a thing they do in the Leaf academy?"

Naruto nearly laughed. "Two nin of different countries who have every right to hate each other are put in a situation where they must coexist. Sounds like something you went through too."

Yugito looked down at Naruto with an exasperated glare. "Those situations are too different. This isn't going to work."

"Well what am I supposed to do? Marry them and wait a few weeks? Nah, this'll work. They have too much in common."

"What do they have in common?"

"For one, they're both human. They live on the same planet. They're both ninja. But most importantly, they're both in a situation that they don't want to be in."

Yugito shook her head. "If this goes sideways, you're going to be on the line."

"I know. But if it does work, then at least two people will be slightly more okay with the treaty."

Yugito was silent for a little bit as she took in Naruto's face. It was set in stone and stubborn beyond belief. She smiled at him. "I guess that you aren't going to be shaken from this." This wasn't a question. Merely a statement of truth. "Come on, let's head to the tents. Mei probably set up a hotspring again or something."

00000000

The three teams were set up into three distinct living areas, but there was no divide between the tents. Meaning that although the teams lived separately, the tents did not separate to accommodate the teams. In the middle of the camp where the three teams' sections all met up, there were six tents. In the middle of those six tents there was usually a hotspring going on powered by Mei's steam release.

Naruto was practically never in his tent. Yugito couldn't sleep without him, Fu enjoyed sharing a bed with him, if he didn't sleep with Kurotsuchi then she'd wake the whole camp, Mei found that sleeping with him was somewhat of a stress relief, and Temari, although she would never admit this, found herself lonely in the tenting situation without him. So it was decided that Naruto would make four clones and they would all share a bed with them for the night.

The only thing he used his tent for was getting in and out of various clothes. Right now, he was wrapping a towel around his waist, preparing for the hotspring.

The hotspring was situated in the middle of the six tents. It had 3 meter tall cylindrical wall of solid granite and contained a small bathing area along with a depression filled with steaming water. A small opening broke up the wall and allowed people inside.

Naruto slapped his hand on the outside of it, the only way to get sound through the thick walls. "I'm coming in now!" He shouted into the opening to announce his presence.

"Yeah yeah." A voice called back out offhandedly.

Naruto ducked his head and entered the steaming area. Inside, Yugito was washing Fu's back, Temari was sprawled languidly at the edge of the bath, and Kurotsuchi was leaning back with a towel covering her face.

They had all become slightly more… open with their bodies over the course of their spending time with each other. Not in the sense that they all stared at each other wantonly with no embarrassment whatsoever, more like it was an unspoken agreement to not look.

It was something done out of convenience rather than closeness. Mei didn't want to create a separate bath strictly for his own use because she'd have to be continually going over there to heat it up for him. For the first few days of bathing together, everyone always had a towel wrapped around their bodies that covered their sensitive bits, but that was rather obtrusive to actually bathing. So eventually they all get rid of the towel with the simple command of "Don't look." Now it's just kind of the standard.

"Where's Mei?" Naruto asked as he lowered himself into the hotspring.

"She wasn't here this morning." Fu said.

"Did she go back to Kiri? I guess it makes sense considering who she is, but did she anything before she went?"

There was a chorus of noncommittal negatives across the spring. "She's a busy person." Yugito stated. "She probably couldn't say goodbye."

"I guess… oh wait, if she's gone, then who's powering up the spring?"

Kurotsuchi rose her hand from the side. "I'm getting good at doing it myself."

Naruto frowned in confusion. "But she said that she powered it with steam release."

If Kurotsuchi was capable of shrugging in the position she was in, then she would have. "I just use a lava release to constantly heat the floor of the tub. Don't touch the floor by the way."

Naruto folded his legs into lotus position. Water began lapping at his prosthetic. Although the prosthetic was not affected by water at all, it was still a very strange feeling to have water enter your limb. Naruto tapped a few buttons and threw it to the side, now free of the inconvenience.

Fu decided that she was clean enough and hopped into the water, creating ripples that lapped at Naruto's and Kurotsuchi's torso. Naruto, being the pubescent guy he was, couldn't help but find his eyes somewhat drawn to Fu's and Kurotsuchi's torso when he was sure they weren't looking. He usually made an active effort not to, as he was afraid of either them noticing what he was doing, or getting a hard on. The one time he did get a hard on in the springs was a moment embarrassing enough that he decided that it wasn't worth the effort to peek.

Fu swam slowly to Naruto's side and wrapped her arms around him. He always blushed a little bit when she initiated physical contact within the springs, which she found adorable. Fu hadn't confessed to him until about 2 weeks ago. Up until that point, she was like a nervous wreck whenever he was around. She had been rightfully aware that Naruto could reject her due to the fact that he was with Kurotsuchi and was very scared of that rejection. Unknown to her, Kurotsuchi had talked to him beforehand and explicitly told him that she was okay with the prospect of sharing so long as he would always throw a shadow clone out at her whenever she wanted one. Naruto was very confused by this statement at first, but it quickly made sense when Fu approached him quivering like a leaf.

Two weeks had passed since Naruto accepted her confession and not much had changed. Fu was much more open around him now that she knew she was given the okays to romantically approach him, but she didn't really know how to go about doing that. She's an orphan who decided to live in the forest alone, by herself, with no one but her books to comfort her. So she had an understanding of what to do next, but found herself stopping up short of doing it whenever she was alone with him.

Fu was content with just being close to him, with being able to talk openly to him, with knowing that she could.

Yugito stepped into the springs next and sighed in pleasure as the water began to clean away her aches and pains. "So Naruto, what did the leader say about prosthetics?" The camp leader was a rather intimidating man of a minor village. This was done to make him a sort of arbiter to the rest of the nations. Even though he was from a minor village, he was at least jonin level if not more.

Naruto thought that since he was a strict man when it came to the rules, he would side with him. Naruto adopted an annoyed countenance. "He said that prosthetics were fine to use."

Temari pumped an arm in the air from her position of lying down. "Damn right."

"Yeah yeah. What are you doing out there anyway? The water's fine."

"I already soaked. Plus having water go into my leg feels really weird."

"I know. I've got a false limb too, you know."

"But you can take yours off." She pointed out.

"Fair enough."

They soaked in the bath for a while after that, just letting the warm water heat their bodies and rub away the stress in their muscles.

Yugito rubbed the back of her neck. "What I wouldn't give for a massage."

Naruto perked up at the mention of massage. "You know, I'm taking those domestic studies classes." He put out there.

"Yeah, shadow clones and all. What about it?"

"There was a massage course about a week ago."

Yugito cracked an eye open at that. "Why would there be a massage course in a domestic studies class?"

Naruto shrugged. "Don't know."

"Are you any good at it?"

Naruto shrugged. "I think I am."

Yugito grabbed a nearby towel and wrapped it around her lower body. She then got up and laid down on the smooth rock on her belly. The cat woman looked at him expectantly. "I'm waiting."

Naruto smiled in amusement. He remembered somewhere in the back of his head about an encounter with a cat before. He had housed it for about a week before the Third found out and took it away from him. During the time he had been with the cat, it acted self-righteously, stubbornly, and expectantly. Yugito, whether she knew it or not, shared a lot of those attributes.

These weren't bad attributes by any stretch of the imagination, just different ones. Ones that Naruto was happy enough to oblige to. Naruto got out of the pool with his towel on, grabbed and put on his arm, and kneeled by her location. He pressed his palms on the center of her upper back and began to spread them outwards from that location, locating any knots of tension within her muscles.

There were a lot.

Naruto pressed the heels of his palms downwards and began smoothing out those muscle knots, the slickness from being in the water helped him do so. Knots in the muscles are made when the muscles build up tension and seize up in localized clusters, leading to back cramps and uncomfortableness.

It usually wasn't recommended to use much force when pressing those knots out, but women with more back muscle compared to other women sometimes have knots closer to the bone than the skin. Naruto really pushed his hands into her back, trying to relax the tension built in the muscles.

Yugito groaned, prompting Naruto to stop. "Am I pushing too hard?" There was the very real possibility of accidentally bruising the bones when too much force is applied, so he was rightfully trepidatious

"No. it just feels good. Keep on doing it." Yugito said, slightly annoyed.

"Okay Neko-chan." Naruto said as he continued to press into her back.

"Mmmmm. Don't call me that." She moaned out.

"Do you prefer Neko-sama then?"

"Aaaahhhh. Whatever. I don't care anymore."

As Naruto pressed into her back some more, he felt a vibrating feeling come from the center of her back. Naruto quirked an eyebrow. That sort of thing didn't happen on the people he practiced on at domestic studies. He continued rubbing her back regardless of the vibrating feeling coming from her back.

The vibration continued and mounted in pressure until Yugito began to groan out those vibration sounds as well. "A-Are you purring?" Naruto asked.

"Huh?" She asked. The vibration stopped all at once.

"You were purring!"

"Humans can't purr."

"Neko-sama can though."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Hey Temari, come over here. Yugito's purring."

"Really?" Temari asked as she wrapped the towel on her back around her body and walked over to where Naruto was

"Yeah." Naruto began kneading her skin once more. After a little bit more of trying draw out the tension from her muscles, he seduced the vibrating feeling again. "Here, feel her back."

Temari's face lit up in amusement as she pressed her hand on the back of Yugito. "No way."

"What's going on over there?" Kurotsuchi asked from across the pool.

"Yugito's purring!"

Kurotsuchi grabbed the towel off her face and looked over to where Yugito was getting a back rub. She scrambled out of the bath, getting her towel on all the way.

"Really?" Fu asked.

"Yeah. Get over here!"

Soon enough, all four of them were surrounding a slightly uncomfortable Yugito.

"Ha." Kurotsuchi laughed a little bit. "You're just like a cat."

Fu giggled a little bit as she felt the vibration continue.

Yugito started blushing a bright red. "Stop crowding." She said.

"But you're purring." Fu said. "That's so adorable."

Indeed, she could feel a slight vibration in her larynx travel through her lungs and throat. "I'm not adorable. I'm a proud ninja of the Hidden Cloud."

"Whatever you say Neko-chan." Kurotsuchi said as she continued to feel her purr.

Yugito huffed, grabbed a secure hold of her towel, and got up from having her back felt up. "Thanks for the massage Naruto. I think I'm going to bed now."

"She's blushing." Temari said, almost to laughter.

Yugito's face did feel slightly more heated at the moment. Was she really blushing? She didn't blush. She never blushed.

"She's so adorable like that." Fu said airlessly.

Yugito sternly walked out of the wall and to her tent, still only in her towel.

Naruto stretched his body out and got up to leave as well. "It's getting pretty late. I'm hitting the hay too."

"See ya later then." Kurotsuchi said, making her way to the pool again. Fu and Temari wished him a good night offhandedly and went back to their bathing activities.

00000000

Naruto found Yugito curled up on her fold out bed, curled up around her hugging pillow. Even after he reunited with her, she refused to let him have his jacket back.

The tents that they were granted were just like any other tent in the camp. A good twenty by twenty foot circular tent that had a small kitchen set-up, a medium sized mirror standing over a small basin of water, and a fairly comfortable fold out bed. Not luxury accommodations, but pleasant considering the fact that they were in the middle of the forest.

Naruto had gotten dressed back in his tent and made it back to her. She didn't so much as look his way when he entered the tent.

"Is something wrong?" Naruto asked, immediately on guard. He didn't get a response from her. "Did I do something wrong?"

No response. Naruto sat at the edge of her bed. She was fine a minute ago. What made her so unresponsive since then? Maybe it was something she didn't want to say in front of Temari, Kurotsuchi, or Fu.

Considering that Yugito and Naruto had spent the most time around each other for the day, it was probably something he did.

"Is it because I didn't get the doll from Temari?"

No response.

"Is it because I went against what you were going to do to those fighting nin?"

No response.

"Is it because I told everyone you were purring?"

No response. Naruto scratched the back of his head in confusion. There _had_ to be some reason why she was like this. There _had_ to be something bothering her.

Naruto settled for falling under the covers and pulling himself closer to her. "You know you can tell me things, right?" Naruto asked quietly.

Yugito took a deep breath of exasperation. "I just had a realization in the hotspring."

"What was that?"

"That I felt… normal for once."

Naruto wasn't quite sure how to respond to that. "But… you are normal."

Yugito flipped on her side so she could look at Naruto in the face. "If there's one thing that I'm certain in the world, it's that I'm _not_ normal. I hold Matatabi in body. I'm a jonin of Cloud. I've been ostracized for a good portion of my life because I accidentally went on a killing spree when I was in the third shinobi war. No, I'm not normal."

"Then if you're not normal… then how do you know what it feels like to be normal?"

Yugito averted her eyes from Naruto's "I don't know. It was a feeling that sort of snuck up on me."

Naruto tapped his forehead to Yugito's. "Is it a bad thing that you feel normal?"

"N-No. It's not. I just… it feels weird being nice with everyone."

"Huh?"

"I mean, we shouldn't like each other. We have no right to. But I can't help but feel like they're my… friends."

"Of course they're your friends. We protect each other. That was the deal we made."

"There's a big difference between telling each other we're not going to die and we're going to help each other, and coming together as more than just comrades."

Naruto pulled Yugito closer to him. "We're your friend. _I'm _your friend. And that's not a bad thing."

Yugito didn't respond.

Naruto settled into her for the night. He had already made a few clones for everyone back in the pool, so he didn't have to worry about waking up to made them. "You're right. You're _not_ normal. But when a person who isn't normal is around other people who aren't normal, then what does that make her? Good night Neko-chan."

Yugito allowed herself to close her eyes and settle in for bed. Despite the thoughts swirling around in her head, she found sleep easily.

00000000

Mei was alone in a room. It was rather spacious, allowing for about 10 people to be inside of it at once without it getting uncomfortable. On the walls were pieces of poster paper that held the mottos of the Village Hidden in the Mist. In front of her sat a dormant desk. There was a small, disheveled stack of papers on the side of it next to a pen. In front of the desk was a couple of seats, allowing an audience to the person at the desk.

The thing that got her attention the most, however, was the concave blue had on the desk's seat. On the hat was the kanji for 'water.'

She slowly walked to the side of the desk and reached out to grab the hat. It was stiff to the touch, but the underside was soft and could sit on someone's head without any worry of it tipping over by mistake.

She undid her signature top-knot and allowed her silky tresses to fall to her knee joints. The top-knot would have gotten in the way if she were to put it on.

Mei gingerly set the hat on her head. It felt right. It felt… good.

She sat at the chair and leaned her elbows against the desk. She was the Mizukage of the Hidden Mist and boy did she have some reforms to make.

**AN/ gentleman here. I've got a few things to say, so I'd prefer it if you read the authors note.**

**Let me start off with saying that this is my first fic. Well, not even that. Never Use Shadow Clones to do Your Paperwork was the very first non-essay writing that I've done since the first grade. **

**I always wanted to do this seriously. I never wanted to approach it from a crack perspective. I guess that it really came off that way with the beginning chapters because of my lack of writing expertise, but I feel like I've come a long way since starting this story.**

**I've learned a great deal from writing this story. How to handle dialogue better, put the characters into fairly realistic positions, get the character dynamic right. You know, the stuff that people learn through trial and error.**

**Yes, if you haven't figured this out, this fic was one huge trial and error experiment.**

**I'm not going to abandon this story. I'm going to continue it, but I'm starting to feel like I might continue It in a different way.**

**If I knew then what I knew now, the story would have so much better. It would have been set up better, it would have had better character interaction and most importantly, it wouldn't feel like a crack fic.**

**So I need some advice from the only people that I can turn to in regards to it.**

**You.**

**Do you think I should start this fic over under a new name, or should I continue it? Any input would be appreciated, as I'm extremely torn on the subject right now.**


	29. the coronation and the after party

Chapter 29

The crowd surged and cried out their respective jubilations. Citizens from all over the Land of Water came by to see the coronation of the Fifth Mizukage. The crowds were filling the streets to the brim. Ninja of all kinds and creeds crowded the rooftops. There were even a few foreign ninjas there to celebrate. Everyone from the Land of Water came by to congregate into an ocean of people. An ocean of appreciation. An ocean of change.

Mei took her place at the podium of the Kage Tower. The Water Daimyo was next to her, holding the hat of the village high so all could see. A surge of applause and ovation assaulted her ears. She was trying her best to keep a stone face, to keep the face of an unalterable leader. But every so often, a smile would break out on her face. She was finally there and everyone knew it.

The Water Daimyo said a few unintelligible words and slowly placed the kage hat upon Mei's head. The applause was deafening. She couldn't hear anything other than the people's happiness. Her eyes darted to the right. Tsunade of the Sannin was standing off to the side with a small, congratulatory smirk on her face. Naruto was by the Sannin's side. He was smiling so wide that he couldn't open his eyes.

Slowly, she rose. The crowd couldn't have gotten any louder even if it tried. She rose her arms above her head. A symbol of power. A symbol of new and better times. A symbol saying that the reign of Yagura was over. A symbol for the end of the 'Bloody Mist'.

Her eyes darted to the side again and took in Naruto's smiling form. On an impulse, she walked over to him and grabbed him in a crushing hug. Surprised and in her arms, Naruto was hoisted by Mei to the views of nearly everyone in the Land of Water. All of them shouting and screaming in happiness, in new times.

To them, he was a symbol for prosperity. He was the thing that would help them rebuild their village. Mei might have taken the hat and ended the reign, but Naruto, or more specifically his marriage, was the thing that was going to secure their future.

She planted a wet, sloppy kiss on his cheek. The red/blue lipstick stuck to his face.

The crowd continued to cry. Yes, this was the time. The time that Mist rose from obscurity. The time that Mist rose from all their negative connotations.

Naruto smiled and waved. He brought his hands low to the railing and suddenly threw them upwards. The crowd mimicked his movement, the ocean's arms waved and undulated under Naruto's instruction. He ran to the side of the railing and threw his arms up, then he raced to the other side. The people followed his movements. Hands rose and fell in order from one side to another. This was no wave, this a tsunami.

Mei Terumi was now the official Fifth Mizukage and everyone there couldn't be happier for it, least of all Naruto

00000000

"The coronation was a lot more fun than this." Naruto grumbled to Mei. He was forced to wear a navy blue tuxedo to match Mei's robes. Someone even combed his spiky hair down using an ass-load of sculpting gel.

She was smiling lightly to the people stopping to pay their respects, wearing her formal Mizukage robes and hat. After the coronation, there was the 'after party'. It was dry, there was no music, the only people who came by were stuffy clan heads who walked over to pay their respects, and the food sucked.

Naruto grimaced at the thing in front of him. There was a fork and knife by the dish's side, signifying that despite its appearance, it was something to be eaten. He had taken a bite out of it earlier and subsequently found out that it was very nearly inedible.

"Hello Mizukage-sama. Hope you have a long reign." Naruto looked up at the person who greeted Mei. There was usually a long winded speech about who the person was and all the things that they hoped that she could accomplish during her reign, not a short, gruff greeting. The woman in front of him was animalistic in nature. Scruffy brown hair, elongated canines, slit eyes, and fang tattoos on her cheeks. She looked really familiar for some reason.

"Yo, Naruto!" Now that voice sounded _really_ familiar. Kiba, wearing his normal fur jacket, was waving from across the room. Naruto rose in surprise and Kiba ran towards him. They greeted each other with a fist bump. "What's up man? I haven't seen you in months."

"Nothing much. Been kind of busy."

"Naruto-kun. Who's this?" Mei asked from the side.

"Oh, sorry. This is Kiba Inuzuka. Kiba, this is Mei Terumi." Mei held out a hand to be shaken.

"Hello Kiba. You're a friend of Naruto's?"

Kiba gingerly took Mei's hand to be shaken. "Y-Yeah. I am."

"It's nice to meet you."

The Inuzuka matriarch wrapped her arm roughly around Kiba's shoulders. "Come on Kiba. You can catch up with your friend another time, we're holding up the line." Indeed, there was a slightly anxious looking line of clan heads forming up behind her.

Tsume guided Kiba away from Mei and Naruto. Kiba waved back at him. "Let's meet up later."

"Yeah." Naruto called back.

"Your friend seems nice." Mei was able to say before looking away to greet some more people.

"Yeah." Naruto said slowly. "One sec." He made a shadow clone to take his seat and ran after where Kiba was guided off to. He found Kiba standing next to a bored looking Ino, who had taken to wearing something a bit fancier for the after party than Kiba was.

"Oh, Naruto!" Ino said in surprise. "You're here! I didn't know."

"Yeah, didn't you see the coronation?"

"Well I did, but I was pretty far back. That doesn't really matter now. How have… You know, how have you… been?" She asked with a concerned tone of voice

Naruto shrugged. "Fine I guess, a little hungry."

She and Kiba shared a look. "No, I mean… how have you… _been_?"

Naruto gave her a confused stare. "I don't… I don't know what you mean."

"Well, it's just… we haven't really heard from you since the Sasuke fiasco. And you were in a coma for the whole… announcement. We've been pretty worried for you."

"Why would you be worried for me?"

Kiba gesticulated with his arms at Naruto. "For fuck's sake man. You got forcefully married off to 5 women, no, five _kunoichi_ of different villagers. Then you get shipped off on a roundabout tour of the elemental nations and we don't hear a word of you since."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "I'm sorry for making you worry. Everything's fine."

Ino didn't quite get this concept. "But… you don't… what about Sakura?"

"What about her?"

"Weren't you in love with her?"

This comment visibly brought Naruto's mood down. "Well… I was. I kinda… got over her, I guess. I kinda had to."

Ino drew quiet. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"It's fine." Naruto quickly interrupted. "Why are you guys here anyway?"

"Since we're in an… alliance" she winced slightly at saying the word. "Tsunade-sama suggested that the clan heads pay their respects to the new Mizukage. My dad took me with him, same with Kiba for his mom."

"Is anyone else here?"

"I know that Shikamaru and Chouji are here. I'm pretty sure that Hinata and Neji are here too. I'm not sure about Shino, because his dad isn't a clan head. Sakura couldn't make it and neither could Tenten or Lee."

Naruto had a sudden realization. "Lee! I forgot about him! How's his arm and leg doing?"

"He's fine. It took a little bit for him to get used to doing strenuous things again, but he couldn't be happier."

"That's great. So where's everyone else?"

Ino shrugged. "I don't know. We spilt off a while ago. This hall's pretty big."

"Yeah, I guess it is." Naruto said while looking around the hall. It was smaller than the one where akatsuki showed up at and had a lot more people, but Naruto was still a little uncomfortable being in the setting. "So what's it like back home?"

"We've been taking a lot more missions lately." Kiba said. "But apparently the debt's getting paid off, so it's been lessening a little bit. What about you, man? Where are you living? It's definitely not Konoha."

"Lately, I've been at the training camp with everyone else."

Kiba winced. "Oohh. I've heard bad things about place."

"It's getting better." Naruto said indignantly. "Nobody else could come to the coronation though, so Yugito's still at the camp, holding down the fort." Noting their blank looks, he quickly reiterated "Yugito's from Cloud. I'm… married to her."

"Oh." Kiba said. "How's that going, by the way? Are you guys… getting along?"

"Oh yeah. We're all getting along fine. It's actually kind of fun." Naruto with a slightly exaggerated smile on his face.

"You are?" Ino asked incredulously. "Really?"

"Why do you say it like that?"

"Because… well…" Ino was having trouble getting out her words. "You're married to the granddaughter of the Tsuchikage. Doesn't she hate you? Or what about Temari no Sabaku? I heard that she's not exactly the warmest of people."

Naruto deadpanned. "I'm in a relationship with Kurotsuchi. And Temari's really nice."

"You're… in a relationship with her?" Ino asked.

"Yeah. I don't know how you guys are imagining what my life is like now that I'm married to five kunoichi, but it's not bad. They're all really nice. Why do you guys think that it's going bad?"

Kiba and Ino shared another look. "There have been… rumors." Kiba said.

Naruto narrowed his eyes dangerously. "What kind of rumors?"

"Rumors that they cut off your arm."

Naruto began laughing uproariously. "What the actual fuck?"

Kiba and Ino began chuckling nervously. "Yeah, I guess it was kind of farfetched. I mean, you still have both arms."

"Oh no, I lost my arm. But it wasn't to them." Naruto rolled the sleeve on his left arm past the elbow. Kankuro made something that looked like actual skin using compounds from chakra trees and rubber. It was used in conjunction with his 'civilian arm' to make it look normal, but it only went up to the elbow. Past there was the normal wood and metal that the arm was made of.

Kiba and Ino stared at the arm blankly. "Y-You really…" Ino stuttered out, pointed listlessly at his prosthetic.

"Yup. It's gone. But let me tell you, Kankuro, Temari's brother, is making these arms and legs. They're really cool." Naruto said with an excitement that only he would be able to create

"Legs?" Ino asked.

"Yeah." Naruto said whilst nervously rubbing the back of his head. "Temari got her leg cut off."

"Holy shit!" Kiba said a little too loudly. "You actually got your fucking arm cut off? How can you be so cool with this?"

Naruto hummed an affirmative. "It was kinda… jarring, at first I guess. But let me tell you, these arms are just so cool."

"That's not the point! How did you get your arm cut off?"

"Well, the Daimyo threw this ball and we were invited. The akatsuki showed up to capture the fourth Mizukage, so we had to try and stop them. Things happened, then I woke up in the hospital minus an arm."

"W-Why would you try and save the fourth Mizukage? He was evil."

"Well yeah, but he was a Jinchuuriki. We had to help him. Anyway, it doesn't really matter anymore. We can't engage the akatsuki until granny tells us we can. I guess it kinda makes sense considering..." He began moving his arm around.

Ino cupped a hand around her mouth. "I can't… I can't believe this. You got dismembered! Everyone's going to be devastated when they hear about this."

"I guess that it was kind of painful, but why is everyone going to be devastated?"

Kiba began rubbing his temples. "Because you can't go back to active duty if you get dismembered. It's part of the Konoha Shinobi Rules of Conduct. You're not allowed to be a ninja anymore!"

Naruto began moving and flexing his prosthetic experimentally. "Somehow I think I'm going to be exempt from that ruling. Anyway, why are you guys so serious? It's a party!" Naruto said enthusiastically. "It's kind of a dry party, but we should be celebrating. It's Mei's big day."

Kiba cracked a grin. "Only you, Naruto." He said vaguely. "You're right. This is a party, but what should we do?"

Naruto began checking all around himself at the various clan heads. "When you look around here, what do you see?"

Ino looked around as well. "I don't know, clan heads?"

"Only partially right. I see a large group of stuffy, unexcited, boring people who could use something to lighten up their day."

Kiba smiling, catching his drift. "What do you propose we do to rectify that?"

Naruto reached into his tuxedo and grabbed a ninja pouch full of goodies. "I propose we do what we do best. Is Akamaru with you?" a dog head popped out of Kiba's jacket, confirming Naruto's question. "Good, we're going to need him."

Ino pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation. "Why do boys have to be like this?"

00000000

Mei continued smiling at the man in front of her. He appeared to be the last of the clan heads, as there were no more people lining up behind him. He had rather handsome features, light blond hair, a dark green suit/tuxedo, a dazzling smile. Things that would be considered very sought out for in the realm of prospective suitors.

"You know, I was very surprised to find out that our new Mizukage was such an attractive woman."

"Oh stop it. I'm not that attractive, Mr… I seem to have forgotten your name, would you please enlighten me?"

"Oh, I'm Henso Kira of the Henso clan. It's a rather small clan, but we have a unique ability to our name."

"Oh?" Now this piqued her interest, being a natural bloodline user herself. "Is this a kekai genkai?"

"Of a sorts. We have the ability to put people under genjutsu merely through touch. Nothing like the Sharingan, or lava release, but we manage with it well."

"Well I only hope that I'll be able to lead you and your clan well Henso-san."

"Oh please, call me Kira-san."

Mei looked at him with a prolonged stare. "…Okay Kira-san." The Naruto clone looked at their interaction with a little bit unsureness, but didn't speak up.

"This 'party' really is so dull. If you would, I'd like to lighten it up with you. Can I have a dance perhaps?" He offered her his hand. There was a glove covering it and the other hand, probably to make people less afraid of him and his powers.

Mei stared at the hand with a slightly conflicted expression on her face. The Naruto clone nudged her elbow. "Go on, it's fine." He said with a grin.

After a little bit more thought, she took a hold of the hand offered to her. "I think I would enjoy a dance."

"Great." He made a motion to the band off in the corner to start playing something more exciting than cool jazz. They hurriedly began fiddling with their instruments and took out different ones capable of higher beats and tempos. As soon as they began playing, Mei and Kira took to a small opening in the crowd and began dancing at a medium fast pace.

The crowd around them awed at their dance and some hurried off to find partners of their own. The Naruto clone poofed away into nonexistence. People of all ages and sizes began meeting up in the impromptu dance floor and started to dance in a slightly unchoreographed matter.

"So." Kira said as he Mei danced away. "I wouldn't have thought that such a beautiful woman would offer herself for an arranged marriage. What took a hold of you to do so?" He asked amiably.

"Well, there was a treaty that was bringing the other four nations together and I saw a chance to bring the rebels, and after that hopefully Kirigakure, into relations with it."

"Is that the only reason why you wanted to arrange your marriage?"

"Well, it would be a lie to say that I wasn't feeling slightly… uncomfortable with my love life at the time. To me, I was hitting two birds with one stone." Why was she telling him this? These were extremely personal thoughts that she hadn't even shared with Ao, or Naruto. Why was she telling him?

"Did you know that he was a child?"

"It had been mentioned, yes."

"You were really so desperate for marriage that you willingly married a child?" God, his smiling was starting to become caustic. How she wanted to smack that smirk off his face for his impetuousness, but for some reason she couldn't.

"…Yes, I suppose you could say that."

"Do you love him?"

"…No."

"If you had the chance to do it over, would you be willingly to enter an alliance with someone like… me? For example." He looked so smug and self-righteous. Why was she still dancing with him? The only thing she wanted to do was to stop and take a seat by her table once more, but her legs and arms and body wouldn't let her do so. Was he pulling a genjutsu on her? They weren't making physical contact, not with his skin at least… Oh wait, he never specified it had to be with skin. She just assumed that to be so because he didn't have any skin showing other than from the neck upwards. Something that someone who had a power to control people via skin would have if he or she would go to a fancy event.

He grabbed her hand harder and pulled her by the waist until she was pressed up to him. The want to protest and get away from him slowly faded away. Why was it that she wanted to leave again? There was such a charming, handsome, man in front of her, gracing her with his presence. His smile made her want to do nothing other than stay with him for the rest of eternity.

"You'll end your marriage with this child, won't you?" Kira asked seductively.

Mei nodded her head with a lack of autonomy that only the brainwashed possessed.

"You'll stay in the treaty because of the unreasonableness that entering it presented you?"

Mei nodded.

"You'll marry someone more… _efficient_, more… _handsome,_ more… _deserving_?" He asked with a venomous grin on his face.

Mei nodded.

"Well that's… fantastic." He leaned forward and brought her closer to his body. For some reason, there a little bit of resistance in her neck. It pulled back instinctually from his head. Damn it, was there something wrong with the genjutsu? This was his only chance to heighten the political status of the Henso clan and he wasn't going to let it go to waste.

He leaned closer in to her face for a kiss. It was a secret technique known only to the Henso clan that he was using. By getting a part of their body into someone else, they had the ability control them fully via their genjutsu without the need for contact. In war, it was customary for it to be blood, however now that the war was over, using saliva would work just as well.

If only she would come forward of her own volition. His genjutsu to muddle her senses and cloud her mind should be working. Why was she resisting?

"N-No." She stuttered out, eyes still half-lidded and clouded over. Well she _was_ a kage level shinobi. Perhaps it was foolish to think that his genjutsu would work the exact same on her with everyone else. Still, the only thing she was able to do was pull away slightly and vocalize her concerns very softly. He still had the upper hand by miles and miles.

"Yes." He whispered into her ear. Kira came closer and closer to her face, ever so tantalizingly close to her lips. He was doing this for the sake of his clan first and foremost, but she was extraordinarily attractive, which only heightened his want to go through with brainwashing her fully. It would be good to have a very attractive, very powerful, and very strong slave to protect him. Yes, the Henso clan would benefit from this greatly, and so would he.

00000000

Naruto smirked at the motley crew in front of him. Shikamaru had his patented look of boredom down to a tee, but there was an air about him that spoke of excitement. Chouji's hand was reaching ever so closer to a tray of goodies in his hand, but a stern look from Naruto paused it mid-swipe. This operation required silence from all of them. Hinata was behind them with a light smile on her face. Naruto thought that their meeting up would be an awkward ordeal, but she seems to have put the entire thing behind her. Not only that, but she was different from Naruto remembered of her. Surer of her movements, less inclined to flub her speaking, more confident in manner, things that constituted a definite lack of meekness or shyness. Next to her side was a slightly irate Neji. The only reason he came along with them was because Hinata wanted to and he made a promise to Hiashi to keep her safe.

"Does everyone know the plan?" Naruto whispered, hefting a spherical balloon. Kiba was by his side, holding Akamaru lengthwise. Once he got nods from everyone, he pointed upwards to the ceiling and diagonally towards the band. Chouji, Shikamaru, and Ino took to the ceiling, each holding on to several balloons. Kiba, Neji, and Hinata all headed off to the band section.

The meeting of the genin had been less than orthodox, what with Naruto immediately trying to recruit them for a sudden prank, but it was no less heartfelt and sincere in Naruto's own way.

Naruto smirked. It was nice having friends to spice up a boring party.

00000000

Kira started away from Mei suddenly. There was a loud cacophonous sound coming from the band section, which interrupted him going in for the kiss. Everyone around him stopped dancing suddenly as the sounds assaulted their ears. 'What's going on?'

A kid appeared in the middle of the floor. His blonde hair was slicked back and he had a mischievous smirk upon his face. Wait a minute… that was the kid that Mei was married to. Uzumaki Naruto. What was he doing?

"Hello ladies and gentleman!" he shouted out, apparently he hadn't taken notice of Kira and Mei in a tight embrace as of yet. "I'm not sure if you've noticed it yet, but this party is really really boring. So me and the boys are going to lighten it up." He put his hands in a cross seal and 4 more copies of him popped behind him.

The noise from the band section turned into a slightly jaunty tune, imperfect and slightly irritating, but it had a rhythm at least. Naruto and the clones began doing a choreographed dance to the tune of the music. Every so often a balloon would fall on them, exploding and covering them and nearby audience in a neon paint. It drew laughs from the audience and cheering erupted.

Kira looked back at Mei, not noticing how she had gotten access of her hands back. They were signing rapidly from behind his back. He leaned in for the kiss, quicker this time. From her mouth, a sludgy grey liquid burst from her lips and hit Kira directly in the face. The force from the liquid spewing from her mouth forced him back and into Naruto's little performance. The band stopped playing and three little genin fell from the ceiling onto their feet. Everyone stopped and stared at the man struggling through quick drying cement. Through coughing and puking, he managed to clear his airway before the cement set in. Soon enough, he turned into a fixture of the floor.

Mei was breathing heavily and had a wild look in her eyes. "Party's over." She whispered. Although the hall was jam-packed with people, her voice was completely audible through the deafening silence.

A small white dog ran into the small opening of people crowded around the newly made cement fixture. In its jaws was a small purple baton. It looked questioningly at Kiba, who shrugged in return.

00000000

Several hours later.

Naruto, Mei, and the clan heads were escorted away from the hall into different areas for questioning. Although Naruto was released after only minutes, he hadn't been able to talk with his friends, Tsunade, or Mei. With nothing left to do, he was walked down to the kage mansion where he stayed until Mei arrived. Luckily, he still had the books that Fu gave him, so he was far from bored. That being said, it was difficult for him to read with the worry that he had for Mei and the confusion of the whole situation.

It was properly dark by the time that Mei arrived back at the mansion. As soon as the door shut, she let the façade of the unbreakable leader crumble and fall away. Her shoulders slumped, she sighed in exhaustion, and began walking slowly to the bed where Naruto was situated at. "Hey Mei." Naruto greeted with a nervous smile.

She loosened the robes on her body and let them fall downward. Underneath, she still had on her blue dress, which she undid with a little bit of difficulty. Tossing that away and flipping the hat off her head, she fell in bed, next to Naruto. At the moment, she was only wearing the mesh underclothes of her outfit. "Tired?" He asked.

She grunted an affirmative and crawled under the covers. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" He asked lightly, afraid of causing her exasperation.

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled them both into sitting position with Naruto on her lap. He blushed a little bit, but allowed it anyway. She sighed explosively and snuggled Naruto closer to her body. "Being a kage is going to be hard." She said simply. Naruto didn't comment, letting her continue. "I was almost just brainwashed into being a slave."

"What!?" Naruto exclaimed. "That's what happened!?"

Mei hummed an affirmative. "It's a good thing you were there doing what you did, else he might have accomplished his goal."

"Holy- I mean… I didn't." Naruto didn't know what to say at the moment.

"You don't have to worry, he's gone now. Maximum lock up I think they told me. Anyway, he had the power to control people with genjutsu using only touch. When he offered me a dance, he started putting subtle genjutsu's on my mind. You arrived, did your dancing thing, then I did my quicklime thing, then I had to go to so many meetings and conferences on the subject of things like security, and responsibility, and blah blah blah."

"You sound really unaffected by this. Are you okay?"

"I'm extremely distressed right now, but my tiredness is kind of overtaking that portion of my thinking right now. So do you mind if I go to sleep?"

"Err... yeah, sure."

She laid down fully without letting Naruto go from her grasp. She didn't know why, but having him by her side was really comforting at that point. "Oh, before I go to sleep, I have to ask you something." She said.

"Okay, what is it?"

"Do you love me?"

Naruto's eyes shot open in surprise. "I-I… I don't…"

"It's okay if you don't." She said. "I'm just curious is all."

Naruto fell silent long enough for Mei's eyelids to seriously droop. "I think." Naruto started out, surprising Mei from her almost slumber. "That you're kinda like a mom."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. You make me lunch, you wash me, you ask me how my day was, you comfort me when I'm down. You're kinda like a mom, or at least how I think that having a mom is like." Naruto said the last part silently.

She playfully pinched his cheek. "Awww. Does my little baby have a mommy complex?"

Naruto batted away at the hand half-heartedly with a big blush on his face. "No." He said petulantly.

Mei giggled a little bit. "You know I'm only teasing."

"Yeah, I do… can I ask you a question?"

"Sure."

"Do you love me?"

She resumed pinching his cheek. "Of course I love my husband with the mommy complex."

Naruto laughed at the absurdity of the situation. "Oh come on, be serious."

"…Yeah, I think I do love you."

Naruto's eyes widened. Whatever he was expecting to hear, that was not it. "R-Really?" he asked very nervously.

"Not in that way, my little baby. Kind of like how a cat loves her kittens. They always scramble away towards danger and she has to go and save them, but no matter what, she has to love them. Because she's her, and they're them."

"Sounds like someone has a baby complex." Naruto said mischievously, only to get more pinches on the cheek.

"Oh, and what if I do?" She breathed huskily onto his neck.

"Then I think I should tell granny." Naruto said, knowing that she was only joking like always.

"My husband is such a tease."

"Your husband is a minor."

"Well I think it's a perfect match. A baby with a mommy complex and a mommy with a baby complex. What do you think?"

"I think that you should get some sleep. You're acting a little loopy."

She sighed in comfort onto his neck. "I guess I am. Good night then, my little baby."

"Night mom." He earned a light smack for that remark.

As Mei settled in for the night once and for all, she couldn't help but reflect on the 'conversation' that she and Kira had. When she first heard about the whole alliance thing going on, she immediately brought herself forward. After all, in the contract were children of kage and Jinchuuriki. There was no way that she could marry off one of her subordinates, no that wouldn't do, not important enough. So she put herself through.

It was embarrassing to admit out loud, but she really was horribly upset with her love life at the time of entering the contract. Every guy that she met either wanted to get into her pants and nothing else, or get into a relationship purely for the fact that they would be in a relationship with the leader of the rebellion and thusly given more power by reputation. By her perspective, there wasn't a single chivalrous male left in the world. Signing that arranged marriage document was her way of giving up on romance forever.

She was now married to Uzumaki Naruto, chunin of the Hidden Leaf. Stuck to him because she had lost faith in mankind, well more like _man_kind. But that wasn't necessarily a bad thing. He treated her normally. Although she didn't have much experience with being a mother, she'd seen more than a few mother-son interactions from her years as the leader of the rebellion. Their interactions certainly (kind of) fit the bill for how they acted normally together.

Mei gently stroked the whisker marks on Naruto's face. He really was so adorable when he slept. Perhaps there was faith to be placed in _man_kind. Perhaps there was room for romance. Although if room could potentially develop, she'd have to wait at least 2 or 3 more years. When he'd gone through puberty and his brain finally finished developing.

What the heck. She'd waited this long for love, she could wait a few more years if she had to.

Mei lightly kissed Naruto's cheek. "Good night Naruto." She said softly, mostly to herself.

"Good night Mei." He replied sleepily.

**AN/ gentleman here. How's it going?**

**By the fact that I have actually updated the story, I'm sure you can imagine my decision on whether or not to continue the story.**

**You have all given me such great feedback on my story. From giving me hard yesses on continuing it, to hard yesses on starting it over, all the way to doing a rewrite and continuing this one at the same time.**

**Well I'm definitely not doing the last one. Keeping up two stories is difficult enough, not counting the fact that another story would be a rewrite of the first.**

**So this is what I'm doing. I'm going to continue this story, **_**heavily**_** update the beginning chapters (apparently I need to work on to process of editing as well as narrative works), and if I feel like it would be worth it, go back and make another one once this one is over.**

**Fair enough? I think so.**

**Again, I can't thank you enough for all your feedback. When I got the notifications that so many people had given me such detailed support, I couldn't believe it. Thank you all so much.**

**Have a gentlemanly day.**


	30. the timeskip

Chapter 30

Two and half years later

For Naruto, the training camp had become something of a second home to him. It was where he had fun with his friends who came over to visit. It was where he ate, drank, slept, and trained. It was where he accepted to maintain the will of peace that Jiraya left him. It was where he spent time with Temari, or Fu, or Kurotsuchi, or Yugito, or Mei when she had the time. It was home.

Naruto had learned so much from his time there. Unadulterated teachings from several very powerful jonin that specialized in different shinobi fields had given him something of a jack-of-all-trades skillset. Even with his enormous reserves, he had gotten his chakra control to a passable level. He learned how to dispel most genjutsu and how to cast a few low level illusions. There were few in the training camp who could face with swordsmanship him when he wielded the Nuibari. Through the use of shadow clones, he had mastered control of the wind element and was now adapting it to the rasengan. He became much more physically fit and imposing, adopting a slim yet fit physique keeping him agile and strong. Kankuro had even come by at one point to show him the ins and outs of puppet making for his arm.

In fact, that's where we find him now; hunched over a table and tinkering with his new arm design. See, the thing with his new arm was that it needed a complex series of gears to rotate aligned with three different axes (plural of axis, not axe) located where the radius, humerus, and ulna bones would be. Interconnecting lines of chakra wire were wrapped around at the pivots of the axes giving them stimulation required to spin and wind like they were supposed. The actual purpose of this particular arm was to-

"Naruto!" Yugito said commandingly as she threw the tent flaps open, bringing light to his slightly musky work station.

Naruto jolted away from the arm's mechanics, surprised by the sudden intrusion. "What is it!?" Yugito looked shaken.

She didn't look shaken very often.

"It's- It's Temari…" Yugito made more motions with her mouth, but sound didn't come out. She didn't know how to express what was happening with words.

Naruto leapt from his chair and grabbed his new arm. "What is it!?" He asked as he rapidly put his arm into its socket.

"Her brothers. Kankuro's dying and Gaara got captured by the Akatsuki." Yugito finished.

Naruto felt his stomach drop at least three feet below the recommended limit. He opened and closed his mouth a few times. "W-We have to get them back."

"Naruto…" She said softly. "We can't. Tsunade said-"

"I don't give a fuck what she said." Naruto said coldly. "We've gotten stronger. We've gotten really strong. We can do this."

"The only reason Temari is alive is because Akatsuki decided not to kill her. Something so much worse could happen this time. What if you lose more than your arm this time?"

"That's not going to happen." Naruto began running around the tent in search of his ninja items. "Where's Temari right now?" He asked as he started wrapping the Nuibari's blade with bandages. It didn't have a sheath, so he had to wreathe the entire thing with wrappings to make sure he didn't cut anything by accident.

"The medic tent."

"Why's she there? Actually, no, it doesn't matter. Who do we have?"

"We're not doing a rescue mission! You could get hurt."

Naruto finished strapping on all of the essential ninja gear that he had on him in the tent. He then stood up straight, slightly under Yugito's height at this point and looked at her in the eyes. "I'm going to rescue Gaara and save Kankuro. You can come if you want." Naruto then brushed past her and headed into the camp.

He didn't make it very far though. Yugito clamped a hand on his shoulder and held him in place. "I'm not going to let you go off and kill yourself." She said angrily.

Naruto clenched and unclenched his fists furiously. "I-I have to save him." Naruto stuttered out. "He's… he's just like me. He's just like _us_. That has to count for something." He said in a subdued tone.

Yugito closed her eyes and looked away in annoyance. This was really bad. Yugito had gotten explicit instructions from the Hokage that they wouldn't be allowed to engage any of the Akatsuki unless they got her say so. Although they had all gotten really strong through the training program, Yugito still wasn't sure how well they would be up against the Akatsuki members. Then again, she had seen for herself how much they had all come since entering the camp two and a half years ago. To say that they had gotten strong in their own pursuits would be an understatement. She finally sighed and muttered out "Okay. We're going to save your friend."

Naruto smiled at her before he got pulled by her in the direction of the center camp area. "Where are we going?" He asked.

"Medic tent."

00000000

Sometime later.

"You have to help me!" Temari shouted at the pink haired medical ninjutsu instructor.

Sakura sheepishly rubbed the back of her head. "I-I… us against two Akatsuki members would be suicide. I'm sorry about your brothers and all-"

"Yugito's coming too." Temari said impatiently. "I-I think. I haven't actually talked to her about it. But she will, I promise."

"So am I." a weak voice said from the side.

Sakura snapped her head in the direction of the voice. "No you aren't. Food poisoning is a serious ailment. You wouldn't last two seconds in a fight."

Kurotsuchi grumbled to herself a little bit. Fu weakly raised an arm from her prone position on the examining table, but got a stern look from Sakura. The night before, they had eaten bad sushi apparently. The morning after, they were nauseous and vomiting all over their tent.

Temari tapped her foot agitatedly. The jonin instructors were in the process of switching out and left the camp practically desolate of anyone higher than chunin level. The only ones there who were above chunin level were Naruto, Yugito, Temari, Fu, Kurotsuchi, Sakura, and Shizune. Shizune wasn't too good at front line combat and Fu and Kurotsuchi were out from sickness.

The tent flaps flew open as Yugito and Naruto entered. "Yugito!" Temari exclaimed. "Listen, we have to rescue them."

Yugito nodded quickly. "I know." She said with a sense of finality. "Who do we have that's coming?"

Temari shrugged her shoulders hopelessly. "It's only me. And- And that poison thing that's in Kankuro is beyond the expertise of Sand."

"Is there anyone here that can cure it?" Yugito was in pure reactionary mode. No emotion, only pragmatic assessment.

"I can." Sakura offered with a little unsureness. "But… Naruto, it's the Akatsuki. The last time you faced them…"

"The last time I faced them, I was so much weaker than I am now. Please… you have to help us." Naruto asked pleadingly. "We can do it. We _have_ to do it."

Sakura looked at each of them in turn. Temari had a pleading and worried expression on her face, Naruto looked more serious than was normal for him, understandable given the situation, and Yugito looked at everything with a cold ruthlessness. It was Yugito who really got her attention. She reminded Sakura of Kakashi-sensei. She might not have the most dependable personality, but she was a good shinobi who knew how to lead other shinobi. If Naruto was putting all of his trust into those two, the least she could do would be the same. "How did we get this information?" She finally asked.

"By falcon." Temari immediately supplied.

"It would take a falcon about 2 hours to get from Sand to here. Did it say anything other than Kankuro being hurt and Gaara being captured?"

"It said that other falcons were also en route to the major villages. There was also information that there were only two Akatsuki members. Deidara of the explosion style, and Sasori of the puppet style."

"Did it mention the extent of Kankuro's injuries?"

"The wound was treated, but they don't know what the poison is."

Sakura bit her knuckle. "Okay." She said. "I'll go along with you. But we have to get to Suna before we start tracking Gaara. Let me go get my gear." Sakura disappeared somewhere into another section of the medic tent.

Even though her battle fan was securely on her back, Temari had a tight grip on it. Her knuckles were turning white and she was biting her lip. Despite her fears, there was a look of determination and even anger on her face. Naruto lighted a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry." He said. "We'll get your brothers back."

She gave him a small smile. Her features lightened up, if only slightly. "Thanks Naruto."

Fu tried to get up from the examination table, but failed utterly. Despite that, she still felt the need to comfort Temari. "Don't worry. Sakura's a great medic. She'll save KankurOH." Fu immediately grabbed the small bucket by her side and proceeded to hurl chunks into it explosively. Once she was quite done and everyone sans Kurotsuchi took a step away from her, she sighed exasperatedly. "Why is it that only Kurotsuchi and I got food poisoning? You had the sushi too."

"I don't know." Sakura said as she entered the main part of the tent. "Shizune's going to look after you. But it's definitely not food poisoning."

Kurotsuchi and Fu blanched. "What?" Kurotsuchi asked. "Is there something wrong with us?"

"I… don't know. Didn't check. Shizune's going to look after you. You're fine, don't worry." Sakura said rapid fire. "Are you guys ready?" she asked.

There was a round of nods. "Team Yugito, move out." The niibi Jinchuuriki said to all of them.

The four of them sped out of the tent, leaving a slightly confused Fu and Kurotsuchi.

00000000

Several hours later.

They were pushing themselves too hard, Yugito decided. Temari and Naruto were running at a destructively fast pace with no sign of stopping. She had no trouble keeping up with them, but Sakura was lagging behind slightly.

"Naruto, Temari, slow down." Yugito ordered.

"But-"

"That's an order." She said sternly. "Sakura can't keep up and you'll tire yourselves out before you even reach the desert. Fighting the Akatsuki on tired legs isn't a good idea, if you didn't know."

Temari and Naruto reluctantly slowed their pace. They were both worried beyond belief and this fact was evident on their faces. Temari's brow was constantly furrowed and Naruto's expression hadn't lightened up in the slightest since their departure. Yugito almost broke her stoic commander expression to sigh. She had actually met the two Sabaku brothers a while ago. They were nice. Well, Kankuro seemed nice, but had an abrasive front; and Gaara was just too quiet for her to get much of any read on him. They were, however, genuine with their feelings and didn't let things like status and strength get in the way of knowing people. Yugito had taken quite a shine to them and was just as worried when she first heard the news. Since then, she had gotten rid of her emotions in the matter in order to better act accordingly to the situation. Emotion almost always gets in the way of missions, especially rescue missions.

Sakura caught up to Yugito while she was musing about the fates of the two brothers and tried to strike up conversation. "I've never seen him like this before."

Yugito broke out of her reverie. "Hm?" she hummed for clarification.

"Naruto, I've never seen him act so serious. Well, I have seen him serious, but never at this level. It's really… disarming."

Yugito glanced at the target of their conversation. Indeed, while he had matured greatly over the years, Naruto always remained carefree and confident and more than a little stubborn. Sometimes he got annoying, but he always did the best he could to cheer her up when she was down, or give her a massage when she was feeling tense, or even just lay next to her so she could cuddle up and sleep soundly. He was something of a security blanket for her. It really _was_ disarming to see him like this. "Yeah, it is kinda weird." She said quietly, so neither Naruto nor Temari could hear.

Sakura went silent while she figured out how to phrase her next question. "Hey, I know this is kind of a personal question, but how do you feel about Naruto?"

Yugito gave a sideways glance. "He's… nice, I guess."

So she wasn't the most eloquent of speakers, sue her.

"No, I mean… how do you feel towards him? He never really talks about his romantic life all that much when we're around. I just… I want to make sure he's alright."

Yugito gave a small huff of amusement. "Well, you won't have to worry much about that. Every other night, he, Fu, and Kurotsuchi are loud enough to wake the whole camp."

Sakura nearly tripped on the next branch she jumped to. "S-So they're really…"

"They fuck each other every other night." She said without breaking her expression at all.

"I-I, I see. I didn't… I didn't know he was romantically with both of them. And I didn't know they were sexually active. Do you know how long they've been… doing it?"

"About six months, I guess. It was around Naruto's sixteenth birthday."

"I-I see." Sakura said, troubled by this new information.

Yugito gave her a queer look. "Is something the matter?"

"W-Well, no. It's just… Naruto doesn't have the best sense of forethought in the world. I worry for him. I'm afraid he's going to get hurt. Plus, they're way too young to be having sex."

"Fu's seventeen, Kurotsuchi's eighteen, Naruto's sixteen. That's just about sexual peak for them." Yugito said with little emotion. It wasn't like she was very troubled by this information. They loved each other and they wanted to show their love through copious acts of sexual intercourse. The only thing that really bothered her was the loss of sleep she had been getting for the past six months.

The three were really loud when they were in the act.

"I know their bodies are ready for it, but the brain doesn't stop developing until 21. They might make bad decisions on spur of the moment type situations. Are you sure they're using the anti-pregnancy?"

"I don't ask, but considering neither of them are pregnant, I'd hazard a yes."

Sakura went silent for a while as she processed this new information. "Do you love him then? Not to be rude or anything, but you give off this cold and unfeeling vibe."

"Well of course I love him." Yugito said unflinchingly.

Sakura almost tripped once again, but through the use of ninja reflexes, managed to right herself without losing any ground. "I-Is that so?"

At the sight of her shock and dismay, Yugito reiterated tiredly "I love him like a brother. Honestly, I'm twenty-nine. He's a little too young for me."

Sakura made an 'aahhing' sound and fell quiet. Although a certain hellcat had other plans for disrupting the silence of her thoughts.

"**Hey Yugito, speaking of sexual intercourse with your lovely husband, I have a question."**

Yugito would have clenched the bridge of her nose if it weren't for the fact that would break the commander façade. 'Yes?'

"**Can I give it a go?"**

Well Yugito was definitely not anticipating that question. 'What?'

"**I want to feel what sex is like, so can I have a go? It doesn't have to be right this minute-"**

'What do you mean, 'have a go'?'

"**Well, ideally, I would take over your body and ravish him for hours."**

'N-No. Of course not.'

"**Why not~?" **she asked in a whiney voice.

'Because that would be the weirdest thing in the world for you to take control of my body and have sex with a sixteen year-old.'

"**You just said that he reached sexual peak. Why would that be so bad?"**

'Because that would mess up our relationship. And why are you so obsessed with sex anyway? You don't have any gonads.'

"**Curiosity. I want to know what makes that Fu scream so loud. It wouldn't really mess up your relationship much, I promise. I really doubt sweet little Naruto of all people would want to turn down a being that only wants to know what the carnal pleasures are like."**

'You aren't having sex with Naruto using my body. And his conversation is over. There are more important things to be talking about right now, like battle strategies.'

"**Do you really think those two are in any right mind to be talking about 'battle strategies'?"**

No, no they did not. But Yugito didn't want to give Matatabi the satisfaction of being right. "We aren't talking about sex while Gaara and Kankuro might be in mortal danger, Matatabi."

All three of her traveling companions swiveled their heads suddenly towards her direction. Yugito looked around, trying to figure out what they were looking at before realizing that she was the subject of their gaze. "We aren't doing what now?" Temari asked.

Yugito quirked a brow in confusion, before coming to a sudden realization. "I said that out loud, didn't I?"

Naruto snickered. Then he started giggling, which turned into full-blown laughter. This laughter quickly caught on to Temari and Sakura. Soon enough, they were all laughing heartedly at the slip of the tongue Yugito made.

There was a small dusting of red on Yugito's face. Even in the back of her mind, she could hear the Niibi laughing quietly. It was a strange noise by any definition, but she still knew that Matatabi was laughing at her.

Whelp, there goes that stoic commander façade.

00000000

Meanwhile.

Deidara and Sasori were having a pretty good time. Or at least a pretty good time in comparison to the last couple of years. Actually getting a Jinchuuriki with no fuss, no other Jinchuuriki coming to the rescue, no need for wearing a stifling tuxedo or using practically useless marble statue puppets. Nope, they came, they saw, they conquered.

And it was relieving.

The past two and a half years had been particularly fruitful for the Akatsuki. In fact, the only Jinchuuriki left were the Niibi, the Nanabi, the Hachibi, and the Kyuubi. But that was a discussion for another time. Right now, Deidara only wanted to leisurely stroll out of Wind country, get with extracting the Ichibi, and collect his gratuities.

Sasori just had to ruin it though.

"We need to move faster." Came the gravelly voice of Sasori.

"Huh? But Sasori, my man. Sand'll never catch up to us with all the false leads we sent. Might as well just enjoy a walk."

"Don't you have any clay left? You could easily just make a bird to fly us away."

"Sorry Sasori, my man. I'm out of clay, yeah. Why the need to go faster anyway?"

"The training camp. It's only a few hours from the border. Sand has no doubt sent a falcon their way."

"What can they do? The jonin are on rotation. Before they even manage to muster up any sort of force to be reckoned with, we'll be long gone."

"What about the other Jinchuuriki? The annoying ones."

"You think the other nations are going to risk losing them again, yeah?"

Sasori grumbled a little bit in discontent. He had a really bad feeling about this for some reason.

00000000

A few hours later.

The Wind country's sun was falling below the horizon, painting the sandy surfaces of the dunes and rock structures a bright pink and orange. Yugito raised a hand, forcing the three following behind her to stop. Sakura and Temari were running ragged at this point, the only difference between the two being Temari's want to continue running at the pace set by Yugito and Sakura's unspoken want to stop and rest.

"We'll stop here for the night." Yugito said to them. They were in a ridge between two massive sand dunes. Darkness had already fallen on them by means of the great shadow the dune in front of them threw downwards.

"We're only half a day from Suna." Temari said breathlessly. "If we can get there, Kankuro has a higher chance of surviving."

"If we run full speed in the cold darkness towards a very on-alert village of ninjas, we'd have a higher chance of death than Kankuro ever will." Yugito said coldly.

Temari kinda crumpled inward on herself and fell to her knees. Even with her prosthetic, running through the forest and then the desert was obviously far too taxing for her body to handle. There was no way she was running for half a day, even if she tried.

Sakura fell to the ground as well to get a good breather whilst unsealing a few camping supplies. Naruto helped her pitch both tents and get a smoldering fire going. The fact that they had sand as a natural insulator helped with the process, but it also hampered their ability to make any sort of hole in the ground, meaning the light from their fire would reach anyone who had a clear view into their ridge between the dunes.

While they were doing this, Temari was checking her prosthetic for its full functionality and Yugito was using Matatabi's ability to sense body heat to track down some food. Soon enough, they were all sitting around a small fire and tending to some cooking lizards. The meat was slightly stringy, but still juicy and definitely way better than soldier pills and military rations.

Temari had her arms wrapped around her knees and was looking at the fire with a cold expression. Naruto sat by her side and wrapped an arm around her. No words were spoken. There wasn't any need.

Naruto and Temari hadn't even thought about starting any romance with the other during the two and a half years since we last saw them. It wasn't that she didn't want to, it just never really crossed her mind to do so. She was more focused on getting stronger as a shinobi than her romantic life and Naruto didn't want to approach her needlessly and get her worked up and confused. That being said, they still enjoyed a close relationship. They were the only ones who knew what it was like to have a part of themselves missing, so they understood each other at least on a subconscious level. Whatever the case was, Temari leaned into Naruto's embrace and rested her head on his shoulder. Naruto rubbed her shoulder affectionately.

When they were running through the desert and Yugito thought their emotions calmed down a little bit, she went over a battle strategy for defeating the two. If they were to meet, Temari would engage Deidara if he ever took flight with Naruto running interference from the ground using some of his longer ranged wind jutsu learned during the two and a half year long hiatus. Yugito and Sakura would engage Sasori with Yugito using her half-transformation and Sakura sneaking into his blindside to strike. It was as good a plan as they could come up with what with the motley crew assorted.

"**If I could just expound my desire."**

'Oh, not this again.'

"**I really am just curious about the whole 'sex' thing. If you want, you can do a transformation and make it so you look nothing like yourself. What's wrong with that?"**

'So much could go wrong. What if you time out in the act and I end up… with him?'

"**What's so wrong with that again? I don't get why **_**you're**_** so adamant about not wanting to have sex with him. You love each other and you're both at sexually viable."**

'Because I don't love him that way.'

"**I'm calling bullshit on that one. If you hadn't noticed, I'm inside of you. I have a great viewpoint on your entire body processes. Whenever you two get together, your body floods with DHEA and estrogen, your mouth gets dry, blood gets focused at your more erogenous zones, your mental faculties start to slow-"**

'That doesn't happen.'

"**Yes it does." **Matatabi replied incredulously. **"When you two are curled up for sleep, you get horny as fuck."**

'I am not going to start anything with him and neither are you.'

"**What are you so scared of? That he's going to reject you? Do you honestly think he'd reject you? He has absolutely no qualms with sharing and it is evident that he loves you too. You sleep in the same bed almost every night for god's sake. People who are just friendly don't do that sort of thing."**

'I'm not afraid of that.'

"…**So you are afraid of something then? What is it? It can't be that you don't think it'd feel good. Those two are too vocal about their pleasure for you to think that."**

'I'm not afraid of that either.'

"**Well what is it? Are you afraid of telling me? I'm a goddamn voice in your head. It doesn't get more private than that."**

'I'm not afraid of anything.'

Matatabi went silent for a bit, wondering what she should say next. Just as Yugito was about to get up from the fire and go to bed, Matatabi whispered something that made her stop dead cold. **"Maybe it's not that you're afraid of admitting it to me so much as you're afraid of admitting it to yourself."**

With that being said, the giant hellcat curled up in her big cage and started to sleep again. Yugito looked back down at the fire once more deep in thought.

Her musings as well as everyone else's were cut short by the explosions rocketing their campsite.

00000000

A few hours ago, the medic tent.

Both Kurotsuchi and Fu were an unhealthy green color. While Shizune had gone to do some tests to 'verify some conclusions', they were left to their own devices, namely puking in buckets provided for them. Only once there was nothing left to come up did they stop heaving, but they kept the stinking buckets handy just in case.

Neither of them said anything. They were too afraid of opening their mouths for fear that they would start hurling again.

A good amount of time passed before Shizune entered the room again and set her clipboard down on a nearby flat surface. She opened her mouth to speak, but changed what she was saying immediately as soon as she realized they wouldn't be able to talk back to her in their states. After a few touches with Mystic Palm, they were still woozy, but capable of speech and thought once more.

"So I'm going to ask you two a few questions, is that alright?"

"Yes/Yes"

"Have you eaten anything strange in the past few days?"

It was Kurotsuchi who answered. "We had some bad sushi."

"I see. Have either of you been suffering under any other ailments previous to the bad sushi?"

Both shook their heads.

"Is your diet healthy?"

Both nodded their heads.

"Have you been doing any strenuous activities as of late?"

"We've been training." Fu said.

"But no more than usual." Kurotsuchi supplied.

"Are either of you sexually active?"

Both trepidatiously nodded their heads. Fu got a light blush on her face, but Kurotsuchi's expression remained stoic.

"I'm assuming this is with Naruto only? No other partners?"

"Nope, no other partners." Fu said.

"Have both of you been using the anti-pregnancy jutsu?"

"Of course we have." Kurotsuchi said. "We can't afford to get pregnant."

"Do you use any other supplementary birth control?"

They shook their heads.

"And when you are copulating, does he ejaculate inside of you?"

Kurotsuchi scratched her cheek nervously. "Sometimes."

Fu nervously nodded to Kurotsuchi's sentiments.

"I suppose that makes sense." Shizune grinned lightly at the two. "So, I have some good news, or I have some bad news."

"Isn't it good news _and_ bad news?" Kurotsuchi asked.

"It really depends on your view of the situation."

"What situation? We ate some bad sushi, we just got some food poisoning."

Shizune grabbed her clipboard and showed it to the two on the examining table. "That wasn't food poisoning; that was morning sickness."

Kurotsuchi and Fu grabbed both ends of the clipboards and read furiously the contents of the paper.

"Congratulations you two. You're pregnant."

**AN/ Heya folks. Sorry for the lack of updates and all. Finals can be slightly stressful.**

**So, yeah… I think I'm going to change the tags to a Romance/Drama instead of Romance/Comedy.**

**And no, that wasn't just a ploy to shock and awe you guys into furiously reviewing my story. I actually have a pretty good idea with how to go about this situation, which is slightly uncharacteristic of me.**

**Anyway, do the diddly doo. Read and review if you feel like it.**

**Have a gentlemanly day.**


	31. the beginning of the middle of the end

Chapter 31

Many people are afraid of a lot of different things. Some are irrationally afraid of spiders, some are irrationally afraid of vampires, some are even afraid of words consisting of more than 7 syllables. Then there are the people who are _rationally_ afraid of things. Things like very deadly poisons, or explosions, or unplanned pregnancy.

It doesn't matter what you're rationally or irrationally afraid of, it doesn't matter if you're the most confident and fearless person in the world. Everyone quivers at the sight of a two tailed fire cat the size of a 50 story building running towards you at a breakneck speed.

And that's just what the people of Suna did. After their strongest shinobi and leader was captured by a group of S-rank criminals, after his brother was declared good for dead by hospital doctors, after all their hope was lost, there appeared a giant bijuu charging their gates.

People don't act rationally in irrational situations. Everyone can plan ahead of time what they would do if they found themselves in a giant spider web, but nobody knows what they would actually do when entrapped in one. There are plans and procedures with how to handle bijuu charging their gates, but the shinobi at the walls that are tasked with the safety of Suna didn't remember that in the face of such a fearsome sight.

At a third person perspective, a perspective devoid of any sense of danger or fear, one would see that the two tailed cat didn't look like it was charging their gate so much as it was running there haphazardly, fearfully, afraid even. Although the fires coming from her body illuminating the dark night didn't help matters much for the people with a first person perspective.

Isn't human nature such a funny thing?

"FIRE EVERYTHING!" a shinobi said somewhere in the ranks of men and women in charge of the safety of thousands of civilians. Great chunks of rock flew from the wall and impacted the cat with muted thuds. The cat screamed in pain from the blunt force trauma, but the rocks didn't have the heft to significantly hamper its speed.

Fan wielders were furiously throwing everything in their repertoire at the cat. Everything from wind bullets to great gusts with hidden wind blades in them. Anything to hurt the giant harbinger of death.

There was even a jonin who used some water reserves to throw a water dragon missile at the beast. It hit Matatabi in the side of the face, covering her in water and closing one of her eyes from the force. She kept on trying to speak and show them that she wasn't just a charging beast, but was evidently unable to. Only garbled, slightly threatening sounds came from her larynx.

"NO, STOP! STOP FIGHTING!" Baki, one of the only people in Suna who had an in-depth knowledge and experience in dealing with Jinchuuriki and their tailed beast, shouted out above the chaos. When none of the shinobi ceased fire, he roughly grabbed the nearest chunin by the lapels of his flak jacket and shouted in his face. "SHE'S AN ALLY! STOP FIGHTING!"

The man stammered a little bit and fell on his ass. He crawled away from the jonin and ran towards the village. It wasn't like he could blame any of them. No Suna resident had any good experience with bijuu, Tanuki or otherwise.

Baki went across the sandstone ridge, slapping the nonsense out of anyone still throwing jutsu. By the time half of them were scared out of their minds into assuming the fetal position, Matatabi had limped to the crack in the wall and collapsed under her weight. The flames dissipated slowly until they revealed the presence of four people.

Baki jumped down to meet the four. He noticed that they were all unconscious. There was Yugito Nii, Jinchuuriki of the Niibi; Temari, sister of the kazekage; an unknown pink-haired one; and…

"Holy shit." Baki whispered. He kneeled down and lifted the last Jinchuuriki's face from the desert sand. His eyes were blacked over from a lack of sleep. His hair was as red as rust. His sand armor was falling from his face and body in chunks.

The last person of their quartet was Gaara no Sabaku, Jinchuuriki of the one-tail, Kazekage of the village Hidden in the Sand.

"Hnguh?" A voice uttered from the others. Baki checked to make sure Gaara was okay before moving over to the pink haired one to check her vitals. She sat up and leaned on one of her elbows, rubbing her head with a grimace on her face.

"Are you okay?" Baki asked her. When she didn't reply right away, Baki called backwards "Get them to safety, they're allies!"

Sakura looked around a little bit, trying to get her bearings. "Where's Naruto?" She murmured out unintelligibly.

Baki sent his attention back to Sakura just as some medics came by with stretchers. "What's that?" He asked.

Sakura's eyes went wide and she began to look everywhere for the blonde. "Where's Naruto!" She cried out hysterically.

Baki did a quick scan of the dark desert. There were no other people than him and the four who had travelled there via bijuu.

There was no sign of any blonde haired Jinchuuriki.

Naruto Uzumaki was missing, or captured.

00000000

Many hours ago.

Fu and Kurotsuchi were shocked into silence.

Shizune did a kinda smile-grimace. Evidently, they were not happy by this new information. Then again, what was she expecting? For them to jump in the air with joy? For them to suddenly start cheering and crying their exultations? No, they were just teenagers who found out they were pregnant. That wouldn't put people into any sort of good mood.

Fu closed her mouth and looked at the ground with a thousand-yard stare. Kurotsuchi gripped the clipboard with enough force to shatter the flimsy wood and glared at the medical practitioner in front of her. "What do you mean, pregnant?" She growled out.

Perhaps at this point they would respond better to bluntness. "I mean, there's a fetus growing in your womb. You should be about 6 to 7 weeks into your pregnancy at this point if you've just started to get morning sickness, but we really should get you checked out with full hospital compliments. Medical ninjutsu can only tell us so much about-"

"Get it out of me."

Shizune stopped mid-speech and looked at the black haired girl in confusion. "What?"

"Get it out of me."

"I-If you want me to perform an abortion, then you should really think about the situation a bit-"

"I don't care what I have to do. I don't care what I have to sign. And I really don't care who does it. I just need it out of me."

Shizune looked at the girl sternly. "That choice is not something to be taken lightly. If you don't want to carry his child, then you should at least talk to him about it. Where is he anyway? I sent someone to fetch him and he isn't here yet."

"Didn't Sakura tell you? He left to go help his friend Gaara." Kurotsuchi tried to look at Fu for support, but she was still out of it. If Sakura didn't tell Shizune the details of what was going on, Kurotsuchi didn't think it would make much a difference if she told Shizune.

"Well when he comes back, talk to him. I get that this situation isn't ideal, but you don't know what could happen if you don't communicate." Shizune leaned down in front of Kurotsuchi and picked up the shattered remains of her clipboard. The conversation evidently being done, Kurotsuchi grabbed a hold of Fu and brusquely walked out of the tent. Fu followed behind, stumbling slightly over the ground.

Kurotsuchi had some steam to blow off and some things to destroy.

00000000

Many hours later

The water went up to his waist. Normally, he didn't feel the water or was impeded much by it being there. Now, it was cold and thick. Naruto could barely move through it.

"**Are you happy now?"**

Naruto didn't answer. He stared at the floor below him, or at least tried to. The water was really murky at that point.

"**What the fuck is wrong with you?"**

Naruto remained silent.

"**Not in a talking mood huh?" **The Kyuubi said sarcastically. **"Not that I can really blame you."**

Naruto opened his mouth to speak, but no words came through.

"**What is going to make you change, huh? What's going to stop you from running headfirst into situations that you hadn't planned out with the idea that you were going to kick ass and take names? You don't, by the way. The only thing you accomplish is putting yourself, the people around you, and most importantly, me, in danger."**

"I-I had to do something."

"**Something? What, like waiting for reinforcements from any of the villages that received word of Gaara's capture? Did you even consider doing that?"**

"B-but…"

"**But nothing. That girl you love, Kurotsuchi, she almost died because of your hubris. And so did Chomei's container. She got half her fucking skin blown off! Everything you do always ends up fucked beyond all repair in the end. Temari, got her leg ripped off. Sasuke, you weren't able to save him from himself. You even had a giant sharkman bite your arm off. What is it that's going to make you change? That's going to make you think of things other than what sounds ideal to you?"**

"I had to try and save Sasuke! I had to try and save Yagura! I had to try and save Gaara!"

"**And yet, you failed on two of those accounts and got yourself killed on the third. Face it, you're a fucking failure."**

"I'm not dead yet! And I'm not a failure!"

"**Everything you do is a failure! If it weren't for me, you'd be dead ten times over! When is it that you're going to start to look at things differently? That you're going to take a step back from a situation and say 'Hey, maybe I shouldn't do the dumbest thing to do in the world. Maybe I should wait for backup, or not endanger my friends.'"**

Naruto stared at the murky water without saying anything.

The Kyuubi sat down in its cage and laid its head in its hands. After two years and a half years of getting pestered endlessly by the kid, it had actually taken a… well, not a liking; more like a lack of disliking. If there was one thing that kid did, it was to actually treat Kurama like a person. Not a thing to make him stronger.

It cracked an eye open to see what Naruto was doing, it heard some form of muted shuffling coming from the kid. Naruto had a hand on his stomach. The fingers were curled inward and spaced apart evenly.

"**What are you doing?"**

"I'm going to undo the seal. I'm going to set you free" Naruto said with a little difficulty. He was nervous. Jiraiya had entrusted him with the key to the seal only months prior to Gaara's rescue mission.

"**You'll die."**

"And you'll survive… You asked me what's going to make me change, but… I don't think I am going to change. When I see someone in danger that I can save, my body reacts against its will. I can't help it. I have to try my hardest to save the people who are precious to me. I can't take half measures and I can't sit around twiddling my thumbs when they might be dead or dying. If I don't, then what's the point trying to get people who are precious to you?"

"**Kit, stop it."**

"You can survive this. I won't either way."

"**You're going to make it out."** The Kyuubi said tiredly. **"Do you really think Matatabi is going to let you die? No, she's going to try her hardest to rescue the rescuer."**

"I thought you'd be willing to do anything for freedom. Are you sure you want to give it up so easily?"

"**If I survive and you die, I just know Chomei and Matatabi are going to pester me for the rest of my life."**

Naruto laughed a dark little short laugh. "You keep on telling me how you're the greatest of all the bijuu. How you could take on all the rest at once and come out on top. What can Matatabi and Chomei do to you?"

"**Stop questioning my logic, kit." **Kurama said stubbornly.

Naruto looked at the great beast in front of him, held apart by a cage and a flimsy looking piece of paper in confusion. After a few seconds of thinking out the conversation with Kurama so far, a huge grin spread on his face. "You know what I think?" Naruto asked.

When the beast didn't respond, Naruto went on. "I think that you like me."

"**What?"** Kurama asked, genuinely perplexed by the question.

"I am offering you your freedom. The thing that you spent nearly all your life inside my gut wishing for, and you don't want it. Because it'd cause my death." His hand, which was still resting on his stomach, fell to his side. "You like me, don't you?"

"**That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."**

Naruto smirked. "No it's not~" he said in an annoyingly sing-song voice.

Kurama huffed and curled up into a comfortable position. **"Think whatever you want to kit. We're going to be in here for a while until your friends come to save you."**

Naruto consented and sat down in the lotus position. If he kept his back straight, the water would only go up to his neck. He was only able to sit silently for a solid 5 seconds before he spoke again. "Hey Kyuubi?"

"**What is it, annoying human?"**

"Tell me a story."

At this, the large fox cracked open its eye once more. **"You want me to what?"**

"A story. You have to have at least a few, right?"

The Kyuubi casually flicked one of its fingers to show how the subject didn't actually interest it all that much. **"One or two, I suppose."**

00000000

Outside of the mindscape.

Deidara's breathing was getting raged at Sasori went to work on the stump of his leg. Honestly, it wasn't life threatening and as soon as they met up with Kakuzu, he could use his ability to sew it back on with no loss of control. Sasori was really only treating it for pain. As it was at that point, he was down an arm and a leg. The arm from fighting with Gaara, the leg from fighting his sister.

Deidara let out a howl of said pain when Sasori drenched the stump with antibacterial soaps. When he gave up his biological body for a puppet one, he lost the ability to make elemental or medical flavored chakra. He was able to control other puppets with the affinities to do what he wanted, but he didn't have any medical shinobi puppets on him. To traditional medicines they went, as it were.

"Stop being such a baby." Came the gravelly voice of Sasori.

"Whatever man." Deidara said through clenched teeth. "You're a fucking puppet, yeah. You don't know what it feels like to lose an arm and a leg."

"I could make this much more unpleasant, you know." Sasori said as he unrolled bandages using his unwieldy outer puppet shell.

"Whatever, you stale piece of aAAARRGGHHT." Sasori was applying much more pressure than necessary when bandaging up his leg.

"You were saying?"

"I hate you, yeah." Deidara made a head motion to Naruto's limp form. "What are the rest going to think when they see we brought the wrong Jinchuuriki?"

"We've gotten to the point where it doesn't really matter which pattern we collect them in. They're going to be more pissed when they find out we lost two other Jinchuuriki."

Deidara grunted and clenched his eyes. "So, you wanna tell me why we're allowed to kill the brat now as opposed to when I was in a fucking tuxedo?"

"Back then, we didn't know the villages were as disjointed as they are. Even now, when they're all in an alliance, they won't be capable of retaliation against us. So we're taking the Kyuubi."

"We going back for the Niibi or the Ichibi?"

"I have a feeling the Niibi is going to come back for us. As for the Ichibi, you still have an arm and a leg. I'm sure you'd be up for a repeat performance."

"You got the Jinchuuriki with your special poison, you sure she's going to be coming BACK?!" Deidara shouted out as Sasori finished knotting the bandage.

"There was a medic with them and she didn't seem too injured by the fight. My paralysis toxin is specially made to knock out Jinchuuriki, but it can be extracted and rendered null quite easily. With a skilled medic, I'm sure we're going to be seeing her again sometime soon. Now get up, we're going to start the sealing. You're just lucky we found a clay deposit, else I'd be carrying your remains along with this brat."

Sasori made to get up, but Deidara grabbed his tail, keeping him in place. "Oi, you're going to have to carry me."

"Can't you just make some sort of support?"

"I'm weak enough as it is, yeah. You carried me in the base, what's wrong with carrying me to the stump?"

Sasori grumbled to himself unintelligibly as he grabbed Deidara roughly by the midsection using his prehensile tail. He threw the bomber up onto the stump and hopped up to his own. 8 other projections made their appearance in that same moment at the corresponding stumps. After a little back and forth explaining their situation, they all began the handseals to start the extraction.

A red and blue cloud enveloped Naruto and a streak of the red emanating from his gut floated up to the statue's mouth.

The extraction of the Kyuubi has begun.

00000000

Many hours before.

Generally as a rule, the people at the training camp tried to cause as little destruction to the surrounding forestry as possible. They went to a clearing to practice fire, wind, and lightning techniques, mountains to practice stone techniques, and rivers and lakes to practice water techniques.

Destruction of forestry, although proven to be a great stress reliever, isn't advocated for and can get you in a lick of trouble if you do it too much. The main problem being the creation of an eyesore. Who wants to see piles of rotting, splintered wood stretch on for fields and fields?

Well at least Kurotsuchi was taking responsibility for it and covering the remains with congealing quicklime.

Fu looked on from a safe distance as the lava release user continued to relieve her stress in the second best way known to her.

It really was a terrifying sight. Kurotsuchi had grown a lot in her two and half year hiatus. If not in body proportions, then at least in combat prowess. She was securely one of the most dangerous people in the camp at close range combat using her short sword and had picked up a variety of supplementary and mid-range jutsu. Kurotsuchi also showed an ability to grasp complicated chemistry theories for the use of her jutsu. For example, she figured out how to spawn solid quicklime. When bonded together and hit with water, they become unbearably hot as they begin to corrode into their baser form. Basically, with the help of a little synchronous jutsu, she could create flying chunks of scorching hot rocks that could blind and lessen her opponent's movement. Although her close ranged combat needed an agile body, that didn't stop her from doing muscle work outs to improve her ability to block hits from stronger foes instead of always parrying them.

Fu didn't really know what to make of the situation. Pregnancy, of all things in her future, was probably one of the things she least thought about. Bringing a child into the world. Raising a human being as her own. They hadn't really clicked for her yet.

Fu rested a hand on her abdomen. Was there really a child there? Was there really a developing human being inside of her?

The more she thought about it, the more she didn't want to think about, the more she thought about it. A vicious cycle by any means.

"She shouldn't be doing that." A stoic and cold voice said from behind her.

Fu swiveled her head around to see Shino Aburame standing behind her, looking at Kurotsuchi demolish the forestry. They met shortly after the ball and were quite fond of each other. Through his teachings, she found out that Chomei's chakra has the ability to give her control over bugs. Ever since then, they often met to trade notes on various breeding projects that they had. Although, since she wasn't an Aburame, she kept her collection of insects within a body length red tube, not within her actual person. So long as they had a basic source of food and were saturated with Chomei's chakra, they were completely obedient.

"I know, I know." Fu said in a faraway voice. "Destruction of forestry and all. Sorry-"

"I'm more concerned about her pregnancy." Shino said pragmatically. "She shouldn't be exercising as much as she is. It might be bad for the fetus."

"Are you sure? She's not that pregnant at the moment. If she-" Fu cut herself off suddenly and looked sharply at Shino. "How did you know she was pregnant?"

A tiny beetle flew from Shino's hood and flew around a little bit. "My kikaichu are capable of a lot of things other than just draining chakra. Things like sucking miniscule amounts of blood, feigning death, and smelling pregnancy pheromones. I've known you two were pregnant for about 3 days after it was conceived."

"Y-You didn't say anything." Fu said in a nonbelieving tone of voice.

Shino furrowed his brows. "I assumed that you either wanted to keep it a secret or just didn't like me enough to tell me the news, so I didn't pry."

Fu's shoulders slumped drastically. She knew she should be angry at this somehow, but wasn't exactly in the mood for it. Shino's eyebrows furrowed further. "Is something the matter?" he asked.

Fu sighed a long, deep sigh. "You may have known we were pregnant for 7 weeks, but we just found out now."

Shino was silent. Shocked into silence, not the normal Shino silence. "I… am sorry Fu. I was under the assumption that you knew. I would have spoken sooner, but I was fearful of overstepping my friendliness." As he was saying this, his eyebrow twitched. "Wait… how did you not know? It's been almost two months. You'd have to have missed at least one period."

"Isn't missing a period every now and then normal?"

Shino slowly shook his head. "No, it's not. You should have paid more attention in health class."

Fu did a dark half smile. "Yeah. Yeah, I should have."

Shino sat down next to her and continued to watch as Kurotsuchi worked her frustration out. It was a comfortable silence. Fu didn't mind the company as she continued to contemplate her situation and Shino got a front row seat to Forest Destruction Derby 10©. He was still worried that Kurotsuchi might overdo it, but there was no way in hell he was getting in the way of a pregnant woman releasing her frustration.

"Are you going to keep it?" He asked suddenly. Once he realized how personal the question he asked was, he quickly tried to reiterate it in a more euphemistic way, but was interrupted by Fu.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. When she stopped, she waited a few more seconds before responding. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess I have to, don't I?"

"You shouldn't feel pressured by anyone to make these decisions for you."

Fu plucked out a few strands of grass from the ground next to her and started idly playing with it. "It's not that… it's just… This baby." She laid a hand on her abdomen. "Deserves a chance. Everybody deserves a chance. Doesn't matter if you're born from a convict's seed, born from a noble's seed, born a Jinchuuriki, or born from a Jinchuuriki. Everyone deserves a chance."

The birds chirped in the air. Bugs buzzed around in their own special way. Grass swayed in the breeze and trees fell from an irate Iwa nin. Peaceful by the definition of most ninja. "That's remarkably mature of you, Fu." Shino stated.

The grass stems in her hands started to tremble and fall to the ground. Tears were beginning to gather in her eyes. "But… But… But I'm still scared." She whispered hoarsely. "What if I'm not a good mother? What if Naruto doesn't want it? How am I going to raise it?" Tears began to flow from her eyes in earnest.

Shino, for his part, wasn't the greatest at comforting people. Well, that's not exactly true. He's great at comforting other Aburame. They understand each other better than average people. Even if he wasn't good at comforting other people, he was able to do one thing efficiently. Laying down hard facts.

"While I cannot speak to how good a mother you will be, I'm sure that you're going to get some of the most help in raising your child in the world. Being in this alliance will not only justify it, but call attention to a need for it. As for whether or not Naruto will accept your pregnancy, I believe you are starting to think slightly irrationally. Naruto isn't the kind of person to reject it and demand an abortion."

Fu wiped away the tears with her wrists and sniffled lightly. "Thanks Shino."

A treetop fell remarkably close to them. A bird nest from securely in the uppermost branches fell in front of them. One of the eggs was cracked and started bleeding a yellow yolk. "Is Kurotsuchi going to be alright?" Shino asked.

"She said she didn't want to keep it." Fu said. "Don't know why. She's going to wait until she can talk to Naruto before making the final decision though."

Shino nodded to himself. "Understandable."

A friendly barking started resounding from across the clearing. Kiba rode up on top of Akamaru and greeted them all amiably. "Yo, guys. What's up?" Akamaru barked out a greeting as well.

"Nothing much." Fu said, sounding far away. "What's new?"

"Me and Akamaru-"

"Akamaru and I."

"Shut up Shino. Akamaru and I found this awesome lake. Nobody's been there yet. We're going around to see if anyone wants to take a dip."

Fu smiled brightly at Kiba. "Sure, sounds like fun!" She turned around and yelled out to Kurotsuchi. "Hey, Kuro! We're going to the lake. Come with us."

"Kinda busy!" Kurotsuchi shouted out in between huffs of air.

"No you're not." Fu said forcefully. A purplish-grey exoskeleton appeared on her form and several pairs of translucent orange bug wings popped out of notches in her back armor. Over her two and a half years hiatus, she almost perfected her use of bijuu chakra armor and was now capable of spawning an almost impermeable set of exoskeletal armor that didn't leave a single inch of skin uncovered. This impeded her movement, but when she got her wings back and under control while using the exoskeleton, the speed and agility came right back. She was the only person who neither Naruto nor Kurotsuchi could beat at close range. Fu had the affectionate nickname of 'the flying tank' around the camp, for nothing sans heavily chakra infused katana strikes could pierce her armor, or do any actual damage.

Kurotsuchi took a worried half-step back. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you're coming with us to have fun in some water." Fu said menacingly. "Heavy-duty exercising isn't what you should be doing in your condition. I think."

"What condition?" Kiba asked. "If you've got a skin thing, then-"

"She doesn't have a skin thing." Shino interrupted.

Kiba gave her a skeptical look. "Well, if you're okay for some swimming, you should join us."

"I-I really don't-"

Fu brought her exoskeletal hands up and held them at chest level. Two water swords sprouted from her hands and began sharpening themselves menacingly. She knew the jutsu so well that she didn't even have to use the handseals.

Kurotsuchi placed her face in one of her palms. "I guess I have no choice."

The armor around Fu retracted into a red miasma of chakra and was reabsorbed into her body. Her grinning face was the first thing Kurotsuchi saw when the insectoid helmet withdrew into herself. "Nope, you really don't."

00000000

_The sand was cool and silky to the touch, Yugito noticed. The fire that was keeping them warm was a nice orange color and held some lizards on them that Yugito caught for her, Temari, Naruto, and Sakura._

_She could almost taste the well-cooked meat from the succulent aroma coming from the fire. Perverted cat's ramblings within her head beside, Yugito actually thought this little escapade was fun. Fun on a superficial level, she supposed. It was never fun having to wonder whether your friends were alive or dead._

_A bird landed beside her. She looked at it strangely. It was all white and bore resemblances to a seagull, or other such sea animals. What would a sea animal be doing in the desert? Yugito started up her heat sensing ability to scan the animal. Something just didn't seem right about it._

_There was no heat coming from the bird. Then there was lots of heat coming from it, as it exploded rather violently by her side._

_There was less fire and more force behind the explosion, which is why she impacted a nearby sand dune instead of burning horribly. Although admittedly, she wouldn't have been affected if it really was fire. Control over Matatabi's chakra allowed her to become impervious to heat higher than what she wanted to feel._

_The impact into the sand dune was at velocities several times higher than a cheetah on caffeine running to catch dinner for her starving children, so the impact buried her several tens of feet into the sand dune as opposed to just laying her at the side of it, slightly stunned._

_The sand started to choke her system and her eyes only saw a thick blackness. She started thrashing her limbs around herself furiously, a very impressive feat considering she was buried under tons of sand, but wasn't able to get anywhere with it. It was like when you get hit by an errant wave and are sucked underwater with no way of knowing which way is up. Yugito thrashed and thrashed, but without knowing where she should be maneuvering herself, she got nowhere._

_In a last ditch, desperate attempt to stave off death by ambush, she enshrouded herself with Matatabi's chakra. Despite there being no air in the dune, the fire ignited and began heating everything around her to unbearable levels. The sand started turning goopy as it congealed into a molten glass. This gave her a better push off point, but was still unable to make any progress with getting out of the sand._

_Just as her oxygen supply began to run out in earnest, she felt a hand grasp her ankle and push rather painfully. Yugito was being pulled through the sand at a fast rate, propelled by whatever was holding onto her._

_The sand parted and she was thrown into a field of even more sand, the main difference being her ability to breathe this time. Spluttering out copious amounts of sand and shaking off the last globules of molten glass from her flaming coat, she took stock of the situation._

_There were about twenty or so flying puppets hovering in the air, not doing anything other than watch as two others engaged Sakura below them. They all had some form of sharp thing coming out of them and the two Sakura was fighting seemed to know how to use them. Sakura, for her part, was doing a marvelous job in dodging all the strikes and was even able to throw in a retaliatory shot every now and then._

_Next to the puppets was a giant bird flying in lazy circles and on top of it sat the Mad Bomber, Deidara. He was engaging Temari as she took flying leaps into the air to accurately blast him with giant wind blades. She had been training rather extensively in 3D combat, being able to jump up in the air and hover for extended periods of time while she completed wind jutsu using her two fans. It was actually one of the more stupefying things that Yugito had ever seen in her life. Using her leg fan and her battle fan to create enough push on the ground to exceed the limitations of gravity never ceased to amaze her._

"_Yugito." Naruto said, grabbing her upper arm to get her attention. "You help Temari, I'll help Sakura." The arm that he was holding onto her with was his natural arm. His prosthetic hung limply at his side and was still covered in a white hot sand/glass mixture. He didn't look like he could move it normally, but there was a faint whirring sound coming from within it, denoting that it was still operational._

_This was his new arm, the one that he had been working on extensively with. It sent vibrations into the ground to give him a faint picture of where things were located either on top of the soil or within it. The arm was supposed to supplement his earth walking technique, allowing him to attack people from underground with greater precision._

_It wasn't the plan they cooked up before, although Yugito wasn't about to question it. Naruto probably had a better understanding of the situation and was able to make decisions based on it better than she. A leader's merit was only as great as her trust in her subordinates. Time being of the essence also helped with her compliance._

_Still enshrouded with a blue fire, she nodded and elongated her nails to the point where they were as long and sharp as small daggers and sped off to where Temari was attempting to fight the Mad Bomber, only slightly cognizant of Naruto slipping into the sandy ground._

_Most fights between shinobi don't last very long. The longest averaging out between 30 seconds and 1 minute. Fights lasting longer than that are either a result of a weaker, more clever opponent fighting a stronger, less clever opponent, or just when two shinobi who heavily rely on their individual fighting styles fight out in uncomplimentary ways._

_Temari's and Deidara's fight seemed to be the latter. He tried to get his bombs close to her in order to explode them and kill her, while she tried her hardest to hit the slippery bastard without getting too close. Neither could get the upper hand because getting close could be lethal to both of them. Deidara, however, was more guarded than she was due to his lessened combat efficacy from losing an arm to Gaara._

_This fight would have lasted much longer were it not for Yugito coming to Temari's aid. Over the course of the two and a half years, she had learned much more close to mid-range fire jutsu. Generally, she preferred to fight up close and personal, in fact, she only really knew two fire jutsu before the timeskip, everything else was relied on by Matatabi's chakra. She was persuaded by Naruto to learn some other fire jutsu because of how compatible they would be with Temari's own jutsu, her bijuu's chakra being incapable of being stoked by Temari's wind for whatever reason. So they gained a sort of synchronous relationship with their fighting styles._

"_**HellFire!"**__ Yugito screamed out as a raging purple inferno spread out from her mouth and body. It was her own chakra, even if it did look strangely discolored, so Temari should be able to use it in conjunction with her own ability. Temari, having heard the scream, dove above the inferno and flapped her leg in its direction. Since neither of them would have been able to get a bead on him, Yugito went for her wide area attack, while Temari used hers in order to increase the magnitude of the fire._

_Deidara tried his best to swerve out of the way, but this proved to be for naught. The fire swamped both him and the bird he was flying on._

_Almost immediately, Deidara and his bird ballooned into a giant purple explosion. Yugito panted from her continued loss of breath and Temari alighted by the ground next to her. For a battle with one of the strongest people in the world, it was over fairly quick. Yugito didn't even need to use her nail daggers._

_Temari grinned and held out her fist for a bumping. "We're pretty badass, huh?"_

_Yugito reciprocated the fisting and looked at Naruto's and Sakura's fight. The actual Sasori was now in the process of battling both Naruto and Sakura at the same time. He had discarded his cloak to show the strange outer puppet shell and all its fucked up glory._

_There were thin wires coming out of small punctures all over its body, meaning Naruto had already impaled him multiple times with seemingly no effect. There was also a limp body in between Naruto and Sakura and Sasori, probably belonging to Gaara. Yugito's bipedal body structure morphed into a more quadruped form, more resembling a gorilla's gait than a cat's. It would be better for her to be quadruped when fighting someone who was as well._

_Temari unfolded her primary battle fan and nodded at Yugito. It was always better to take stock of a situation than head first like a certain other blonde Jinchuuriki._

_Before Yugito could nod back, a white bug-thing popped out of the ground behind Temari and exploded. The blast, although seemingly nonlethal, succeeded in getting the wind mistress away from her source of fire jutsu. She hit the ground a ways away with great velocities. Even though she immediately tried to get back up, her limbs didn't seem to respond to her all too well._

_More bugs popped out of the sand and exploded, forcing Yugito to dodge erratically. Luckily for her, her quadruped form allowed her to bounce away and flip from the bombs as quick as they could pop up. _

_Yugito growled and initiated her heat sensing organs. There was a heat signature coming from just above a dune to her right. She ran directly to the source of heat whilst dodging the explosive bugs continuously popping from the ground. Just as she was starting to climb over the lip of the dune, bugs popped out all around her, giving her no way of dodging._

_The bugs all burst into giant plumes of fire when they exploded, bathing Yugito it their white hot flames. Deidara, who was not very far from the source and covered in a camouflage blanket, smirked and threw away the covering. He led her right into his trap._

_He had to duck immediately, however, in order to retain his head._

_Yugito now had two tails sprouted from her tailbone, still licked by the red flames and covering herself from harm. Deidara backpedaled wildly and jumped off the lip of the dune, sliding down to Sasori's own fight. Time for a tactical retreat._

_He was cut short, however, when he was literally cut short. Temari had at some point gotten up and sent a gust of wind containing chakra blades at the blonde, cutting off one of his legs at the thigh. Before he could black out from the pain and the bloodloss, he popped one of his last bogs up from the ground beneath Temari and exploded it about a foot away from her head. She hit the ground much the same as the first time, but didn't get back up._

_Yugito almost yelled her frustration at the bomber, instead she decided just to kill him. She jumped from the lip of the dune with her claws fully extended and on a path to impale the blonde. Before she could do that, thin senbon seemingly sprouted from her chest. Suddenly, her limbs and body wouldn't respond to her commands anymore. The cat Jinchuuriki landed in a clump to the side of Deidara, who had fallen unconscious by the time she hit the ground._

_Yugito used the last bit of her control to shift her head and look at Naruto's battle site. Sakura was laying limply at her side with a gash on her head spilling blood on her face. It looked like a blunt force trauma wound and her chest was still rising and falling. She was still alive. Naruto was on his knee and breathing heavily, clutching his chest as similar senbon were dug into it._

_Oh no. This wouldn't do. Sasori didn't look any worse for wear, whereas all four of them had been incapacitated. 'Mata, are you there?' Yugito mentally whispered._

"_**What do you need, kitten?" **__Matatabi asked urgently._

'_I can't move my body. I'm going to give you control, but don't engage that puppet guy. He's too dangerous. Get Naruto and the rest of them to safety.' Yugito had found out a while ago that even if her body was incapable of movement, so long as she gave the reigns to Matatabi, the two tailed cat could move it for her._

"_**I'll- I'll try my best, kitten." **__ Matatabi sounded scared. Not exactly a comforting thought, but Yugito trusted her to get them to safety._

'_I hope Temari's okay." Was the last thought Yugito had before Matatabi took complete control over her bodily functions._

"_**Kitten?"**_

"**Kitten?"**

"**KITTEN?!"**

"**YUGITO!"**

Yugito shot upright and reached for the kunai hidden under her shirt, but grasped only a thin layer of hospital clothing. **"Yugito, are you all right?"**

The woman in question winced in pain and clutched at her skull. 'I'm… working. I think.' Her eyes shot open as she remembered the extent of what happened before she blacked out. 'What happened? Is Temari okay? Did we get Gaara? Where's Naruto?' Yugito asked rapid fire to the entity sealed within her.

"**You got ambushed by the Akatsuki. Do you remember that much?"**

'I remember up until I blacked out.'

"**Okay, well after that, I ran off to where you guys were heading before getting ambushed. I got a sight of Suna and ran as fast as I could towards it. I guess they didn't understand that I was an ally, so they got pretty rough with me."**

'Are you okay?'

"**Of course I'm okay. I'm one of the strongest beings in the world. A few rocks aren't going to hurt me. Temari's okay. Got knocked out, but she's fine. Still out, I think."**

'What about Gaara, or Naruto?'

"…**Kitten, I'm going to say a few things and you can't interrupt me while I do so."**

Yugito felt her stomach take a sudden drop. 'O-Okay.'

"**I… I got Naruto, Sakura, and Temari just fine. But I couldn't make it to Gaara. Naruto… he… he used a substitution jutsu on Gaara."**

Yugito's stomach did a backflip. '…Matatabi, does akatsuki have Naruto?'

"**I-I… Kitten, I did the best I could."**

Yugito's knuckles turned white from how hard she was clenching on to the fabric of her hospital smock. Then she laughed.

A very dark laugh.

A very dark laugh that nobody interrupted because of the chills that were sent down the spines of everyone who heard it.

As she was getting off the dark laugh, she sent a thought to Matatabi. 'Well, you know what that means don't you?'

Matatabi's flame coat bristles worriedly. **"N-No kitten, what does it mean?"**

'That just means we're going to have to save him.'

**AN/ Y'all though I was going to go with the Gaara rescue arc? Nope, this is the start (or middle, should I say) of the Naruto rescue arc.**

**So what do you guys think? Kurotsuchi and Fu are having baby blues, Naruto and Kurama had a sweet little interaction, and Yugito's going to get Naruto no matter what stands in her way.**

**Have a gentlemanly day.**


	32. The death of Naruto Uzumaki

Chapter 32

A ways off Suna.

Yugito wasn't much for the sand. It got in uncomfortable places, it was hard to run in, and there could be ambushes at any point underfoot. The sun was practically burning her skin to a crisp, not that it would have any lasting impact due to her heat and fire resistance. Also, her present company isn't exactly what she sought out in her free time.

A slightly pissed off and abrasive grandma puppeteer, an aloof and emotionless jonin that had close ties with Naruto, and Sakura. Okay, so Sakura was okay. A fairly nice person and good for conversation. Yugito just didn't particularly enjoy _talking_ to people much. Cordial greetings, pleasantries, and professional assessments of situations were about the ceiling of what she wished to hit when talking to others. She just didn't like it, sapped her of her strength is what it did.

When she woke up in the hospital, she immediately sought out the pink haired girl. As luck would have it, not only did she succeed in healing Kankuro, but also got on semi-friendly terms with Granny Chiyo and received reinforcements from Konoha in the form of Kakashi meeting up with his students again.

Once they were all together, the four departed with the utmost haste to rescue Naruto. Chiyo definitely had reservations against helping some snot-nosed brat of whom she never met before and was only persuaded by Kakashi's and Sakura's pleading, threatening, and use of shinobi code against her.

"Kakashi?" Sakura asked.

"Hm?"

"We're going to get Naruto… right? He's going to be okay?" He might be annoying, weird, happily married to five people, and incapable of seeing any of the bad in the world, but goddamn it; Sakura had every right to be worried for her teammate. Especially after he sacrificed himself so his friend could live.

"Oh, we're getting him back, don't worry." Yugito said in a rare moment of verbal exchange between people she wasn't all that comfortable being around. "We're going to get him, then _I'm_ going to beat the paste out of him for getting captured."

Kakashi's one lazy eye floated over to Yugito. "Don't be too hard on him. He did what he could to save his comrade's life."

"He put his own life in danger." Yugito said coldly.

"Oh? I didn't know you were romantically vested in my little genin." Kakashi noted idly. He normally wouldn't pry into other peoples' personal lives, especially not their romantic lives, but at that point, he was willing to try anything to get Chiyo's hard stare off of him. That comment was just a conversation starter, something to provoke her into possibly going on a long invective.

"He's like a little brother." Yugito said exasperatedly. She'd been having to tell people that a lot more frequently than before. "Plus, if he dies, Kurotsuchi and Fu are going to be devastated. Then they're going to get pissed off and probably go on suicide missions to kill the akatsuki."

"You're starting to sound like that cloud nin. What was his name again? Umoi? Omi?"

"Omoi has a tendency to overthink the situations he's in." Yugito said, clarifying who they were talking about. "But this isn't overthinking, this is fact. They're going to do that because that's the type of people they are."

"You sound pretty close to them."

"We've been in close proximity for the better part of three years. Of course I know them well."

Sakura stopped at the lip of the dune they were running towards. Although she was the medic, she had taken point in the time that Kakashi and Yugito had been conversing. By her side and the sides of the other three were large pits of sand that hadn't fully smoothed over. Those were the tracks made by Matatabi when she came into being in order to get away from the akatsuki duo, and they stopped in the valley between two large dunes. Most of the battle evidence had been blown away or smoothed out, but even she was able to see things like a slight indentation in the dune opposite her. Or the sun-bleached puppets that had been smashed to bits.

"Hey!" She said excitedly to Kakashi and the rest. "This is where the ambush happened, right?"

Kakashi, Yugito, and Chiyo jumped up to the lip of the dune with Sakura and surveyed the damage. Kakashi quickly summoned a few of his ninken and ordered them to look for any signs of where Naruto might have been taken, while Yugito, Sakura, and Chiyo went down to where Sasori's and Naruto's fight went down.

Chiyo started doing a few quick autopsies on the battered puppets and Sakura tried to see if there was any fresh venom in any of them to take to Konoha. Yugito went to the indentation in the dune and checked for any evidence of Deidara or Naruto. There were a few splotches of dirty glass that had been solidified when Naruto dragged her out of the dune and the pockmarked areas where the bombs went off, but other than that, nothing. What she would give for either Temari or Gaara to have been conscious at that moment. Temari could have just jumped up in the air and hovered for a clear vantage point and Gaara could have just floated everyone to the battle.

But they had been operating on no time. They couldn't wait for the two to regain consciousness.

Anyway, there was nothing where Yugito and Temari had confronted Deidara that could give them any leads where the duo went off to after Matatabi absconded.

She slid down the dune to where Sakura and Chiyo were at to see if either of them had leads.

"Hmm." Chiyo murmured. "Sasori boy has been upgrading his puppets."

"You can say that again." Sakura said, trying to get a drop of poison from a sickle into a sterile tube. "Those were scary. It's just so weird fighting something that looks like a human, but isn't."

Chiyo murmured in agreement.

"Did either of you find anything?" Yugito asked as she came to a stop by them.

"There's nothing." Sakura said in a defeated tone of voice. "No blood on the blades, no trails anywhere."

"And the scent's been blown away." Kakashi said as he walked up to the group with his dogs trailing behind him.

Yugito's hands clenched rapidly. "There has to be something." She hissed. "There has to be a trail, or a lead somewhere. I can't just give up on him."

Granny Chiyo huffed and began walking in the direction of Suna. "This plan was doomed to failure as it was. I'm going back home."

Yugito gripped Chiyo's shoulder roughly. "What do you mean by that? I told you, I'm not giving up on him."

"He's dead by now." Chiyo said bluntly. "There's no hope left for this mission. There's nothing that we can follow." Her arm whipped up and smacked Yugito's hand off her body. "Give up on lost causes, you'll regret the rest of your life if you don't."

Yugito began unconsciously grinding her molars together. This wasn't fair. This wasn't how things were supposed to play out. She fell to her knees in hopelessness.

The one person. The one person who looked past what she was and saw who she was… she couldn't give up on him. It was impossible for her. She knew that if their roles were reversed, Naruto would go to the ends of the earth to find where she was and bring her back.

Because that's just the kind of guy he is.

"**Kitten…" **Matatabi whispered in the back of her head. **"I'm so sorry. If I'd known Naruto was going to do that…"**

Sakura placed a hand on Yugito's shoulder in understanding. She looked very close to tears as well. Kakashi fell on his ass in the sand and looked up at the sky. He didn't look relaxed. Through the face mask, his jaw was clenching and unclenching furiously.

"There has to be something." Yugito whispered.

A soft 'oof' was heard in the direction where Chiyo had wandered off to. The granny in question was face down on the ground and getting up lethargically. Sakura hurried off to help the elder, leaving Yugito to her despair.

_There had to be something._ Something that they overlooked. Something that could lead them to Naruto. Something that he left behind. Something to follow.

"Yugito! Kakashi!" Sakura shouted out from off in the distance. "I think you're going to need to see this!" The girl sounded excited beyond measure.

Yugito's head shot up and she ran as fast as she could to where Chiyo had fallen. There was a thin wire wrapped around her ankle, presumably what made her fall in the first place. Sakura was gripping the wire and pulling up, forcing it from the ground. The wire continued up the dune and hopefully off into the distance.

"The Nuibari!" Sakura said excitedly. "He must have made the thing keep on unwinding when they took him."

Yugito could have laughed in relief, but settled for giving Chiyo a pompous look. "Giving up on lost causes, my ass."

00000000

"**And then… and then… and then Matatabi, she went up to Indra and just… flicked him with her tail."** The Kyuubi paused to take a rasping inhalation of breath, then proceeded to wheeze out laughter. **"He just… he didn't see it coming, I guess. That's the kind of person Matatabi is."**

Naruto nodded along with the Kyuubi's story. It was getting difficult to stand. His legs and arms felt like they had liquid lead flowing in them instead of blood. They weren't burning, they were just so heavy. He was barely able to keep track of Kyuubi's stories anymore. He just felt so… tired.

Naruto was no fool, he knew what would happen if he gave into the temptation and just let his mind go for a second. That didn't stop it from being there, the temptation to do so.

"What about… Chomei? Any stories about her?" Naruto got out.

The Kyuubi's legs were starting to shake violently. It had shrunk to at least a fourth of its normal size, meaning it couldn't lay down for fear of drowning. So it was forced to keep itself up. **"Chomei… I know. She was… Asura's favorite, I think. She always tried to talk things out first, gave mankind a chance for redemption. Just like Asura always tried to do. She wasn't the strongest amongst any of us, that was for sure. Or… I don't know. It might be that she just doesn't like fighting. Anyway, she always tried to get us to stop arguing. That was… a daunting task. We were always fighting."** The Kyuubi huffed in amusement. **"Why **_**were**_** we always fighting? There was no reason to. Asura would always get mad at us when we fought. I guess it makes sense. When we fought… there was a lot of collateral damage. I'm sure humans got roped in there somehow."**

"And… Kyuubi-"

"**Don't call me that."**

"…What?"

"**I remember. I remember that you told me something a while ago. That you promised not to call me by my name unless I gave you permission to. Because I hate humans. Because they always betrayed me and always saw me as only a source of power. I don't like humans. But if we're going to die here, which we won't because Matatabi is going to rescue us, then you might as well call me by my given name."**

Naruto looked up at the great amalgamation of hatred and evil will and smiled as widely as he could for how tired he was. His droopy eyes slowly blinked. He licked his horribly dry lips with his horribly dry tongue. "Don't pretend you don't love me, Kurama."

If Kurama could have, it would have laughed. As it was, it gave Naruto a smirk. **"Hehe, cheeky brat."**

"Tsundere fox."

"**Stupid human."**

"Bunny ears."

"**Idealistic child."**

Naruto and Kurama shared a light laugh. Blue eyes met red slit ones. It went unspoken, but both knew one thing for sure. They were now comrades. Two beings in a fucked up world found some kinship in one another.

Naruto walked into the cage slowly, or rather he waded inwards, seeing as the water was starting to reach his upper chest. Kurama's head rose incrementally in surprise as Naruto walked to it and wrapped his arms around its head and neck.

It would be so easy, Kurama knew, to just kill the kid. To squeeze until he turned to paste. It'd be able to escape. It'd be able to live a carefree life in the wilderness and not have to worry about humanity anymore.

"We're going to be okay, right?" Naruto said into Kurama's fur. "They're going to come for us?"

Kurama deigned not to answer for several moments. This child. This blond haired, blue eyed, idealistic, naïve, charismatic, idiotic, optimistic, emotional piece of blood and organs was clinging to Kurama's fur in a rare moment of weakness. Naruto was scared. He was scared that he'd never see any of his friends again, or that he'd be unable to protect them, or that he wouldn't be able to eventually start a family, or that his death would make Kurotsuchi and Fu cry, or that he'd be unable to protect and nourish the will of Jiraya.

Kurama lowered its head, tucking Naruto to its body in the most comforting gesture it knew. Tails came from its sides and wrapped around Naruto, keeping him still.

"**Yeah, kit. We're going to be fine."**

Naruto smiled into its fur. "You promise?"

"…**Yeah, kit. I promise."**

"Can you not call me that?" Naruto said smartly. "If I'm going to call you Kurama from now on, you're going to call me Naruto."

Kurama's eyes closed. It had never been this close to a human in a friendly situation before. It was nice, Kurama thought, to hold something near you. To feel its body heat. To know that something out there cares for you.

"**Okay… Naruto."**

They stayed in that position for a while longer. Even when Naruto's eyes closed for good and Kurama felt his body grow limp. Even when Kurama felt the water rise and felt itself shrink to an unbearable degree. Even when the water rose above its nose.

They stayed like that.

Two beings in a fucked up world, embracing for all their worth.

00000000

Yugito paced around frantically around that boulder. Eventually, she turned to Kakashi and said. "How long is Team Gai going to take? Naruto's in there right now. He could be dying."

Kakashi shifted his one eye on the frantic kunoichi. "If there's one person in the world that I would stake my life on, it would be Gai. He's the most powerful shinobi that I know."

Yugito looked at him dubiously. "If he's the most powerful shinobi you know, why isn't he the Hokage?"

Kakashi lifted a single brow. "He may be the most powerful shinobi that I know, but I really don't think it would be wise giving him any sort of power."

Yugito conceded to that point and continued to pace around and around. She was definitely agitated and time to think on the situation only made it worse. Kakashi saw this and decided to try his hand at distracting her. "You were really impressive when you took care of that Itachi clone."

It really only could have been described as 'taking out', because it wasn't really a fight. She and Kakashi joined up and beat the tar out of the replica. Whenever it tried to put a genjutsu on her, Matatabi would cycle her chakra and break Yugito out of it, letting her get close enough to gratuitously stab and slash at the fake Uchiha. Kakashi would flank the Uchiha while Yugito agroed him. Eventually she lopped the man's head off and realized that he was a fake.

It had been a learning experience for all of them.

Yugito stopped pacing to look at Kakashi. "Err… thanks. You were pretty good too."

"I suppose my adorable little genin is lucky to be married to such an accomplished kunoichi."

"Yeah, he is." She said as she ran a hand over the boulder that was sealed off from the inside.

Kakashi took out his porn and began reading. He didn't need to be a detective to know that she was starting to think about bad things again. "So how is my adorably little genin in the sack?" Yup, that was probably something drastic enough to divert her attention.

"I wouldn't know." She said flatly, albeit with a light blush.

"You haven't consummated the marriage yet?" Kakashi asked.

"No."

"That means you've gone without for 3 years." He said in his normal aloof tone. Sakura was off to the side, trying not to listen, but failing miserably in that front.

"I've gone without for a lot longer than 3 years."

To her credit, being a shinobi is an extremely emotionally draining and disrupting experience, often lending them into 3 areas in their love lives. Not wishing to be around anyone in any sort of romantic or sexual fashion, usually because of something bad happening to a past love interest. The kind of person who pursues a strict monogamous relationship, wishing to make a strong emotional bond with someone due to the loss of a loved one. And the person who buries their woes and hatred under large amounts of sex amongst other vices.

Yugito fell into the first category. "And how long have you gone without? Mr. Aloof and distant."

Kakashi scratched his cheek and looked away from her gaze. "A bit." He said vaguely.

"A bit?"

"A bit."

"How many years?"

"A few."

"A few?"

Kakashi fell into the first category as well. When one shinobi sees another shinobi, the first shinobi usually considers the second shinobi a normal person who partakes in emotional and physical pleasures just like any normal human being. However, the first shinobi doesn't take into account that the second might be just as emotionally distant as the first.

"Can we stop talking about this?" Sakura asked, butting into conversation.

"Oh? Does my adorable little genin feel uncomfortable about sex?"

"Not everyone is as open about as you, you pervert." Yugito said accusingly

"I can't help it. It was how I was born."

Yugito seemed like she was about to give him a clever retort, but it died in her mouth when the seal keeping the boulder in place flashed dangerously. The seal wound into itself and vanished. Kakashi put away his porn and brought a kunai in a reverse grip.

Blue flames rushed all along Yugito's hands and arms. She stepped back a few paces and rushed at the boulder using as much kinetic energy as she could muster. Once she was within two feet of the boulder, she twisted her body around and whipped her bijuu empowered arm at the boulder. The two forces met each other with a deafening 'CRACK'. Small fracture points radiated away from Yugito's impact point and spread across the boulder until it was spider webbed with the cracks.

Yugito brought her other arm and slammed it right next to the first. This succeeded in loosening the cracks enough that they started to fall apart into chunks. She jumped away just as the rocks began fall all around her.

When the opening was large enough that she could fit through, she jumped inside and was followed by the rest of the team.

She certainly was extraordinarily strong, Sakura mused. That strength was on par with her Strength of a Hundred technique. In fact, if it weren't for the fact that Yugito got to it first, Sakura would have been the one to attack the thing.

There was a look in Yugito's eye that Sakura had trouble identifying. She was scared, yet determined. Pensive, yet riled. Strong, yet weak. That look in her eye conveyed everything that she wasn't saying. She was hoping desperately that Naruto was still alive, that the duo hadn't extracted the Kyuubi from him.

Sakura was scared too. Everything that Naruto did always had huge probabilities of backfiring. He fought Gaara at the exams using half-assed methods and showy techniques. He talked down an emotionless missing nin into caring for his broken tool. He got the one person who hated what the mantle of Hokage stood for and got her to take it up. He got married to five people and was somehow able to retain the happiness of not only himself, but of those he was married to as well.

Because that's just the kind of person he is.

Sakura wanted desperately for that kind of person to stay the way he was.

The room was dark, but all four of them could see the scene clearly. Red chakra was being leaked from Naruto and being eaten by a huge statue in front of them. The mouth closed suddenly, making all the surrounding red chakra dissipate away. Naruto fell to the floor with a muted thump. Two shadowed figures were across from each other on pedestals.

"Looks like you were right Sasori, my man." Deidara said to his partner nonchalantly.

"They got here before we could take all the Kyuubi." Sasori said in response.

Deidara hopped down from the pedestal and nudged Naruto's limp body with his sandal. "Sorry to say this, but your friend here is deader than static art." He smirked at them. It was obviously a goad, but that didn't mean his statement could be untrue.

Sakura felt her heart sink into her chest. There was no way he was dead. There was no way that the blond fuckface could be telling the truth. He was trying to get them riled up and angry. Naruto was just unconscious, or asleep.

Yugito's train of thought was slightly different than Sakura's, as evidenced by the blue flames that began to engulf the entirety of her form. She was breathing loudly, even louder than what should be humanly possible. Her paws sprouted thin claws and her back went through a sickening crunch as it doubled over and her gait became more feline in nature.** "Liar."** She whispered angrily.

Deidara began pushing Naruto's dead face around with the tip of his sandal. "Oi, fucker. Can't you see that you're upsetting your wife? Oh that's right, you can't." Deidara averted his gaze from the dead genin and made complete eye contact with Yugito. "Because you're dead."

"**LIAR!"** Yugito's voice had become deeper, raspier, filled with emotion. She was getting mad. Very, very mad.

Deidara leaned on his make-shift crutch and let out a clay bird from his palm. It fell to the ground and poofed into a huge owl. Deidara grabbed a hold of Naruto's dead body and hopped on board. With one last smirk, he shot into the air and out his escape hole.

Yugito howled in indignation and jumped after the man. Sasori jumped down from his pedestal and got in her way, beginning to brandish his prehensile tail.

Sakura grabbed a nearby boulder and launched it at the puppet man. He dodged it, but also got out of the way of the charging Yugito.

The medic stood in front of Sasori and leveled a closed fist at him. "I'm going to kill you for what you did to Naruto." She whispered as menacingly as she could.

Chiyo stood next to her and looked at Kakashi. "Go, young'un. We've got Sasori boy. Go make sure your Jinchuuriki doesn't get herself killed."

Kakashi hesitated for a brief moment before he sped off in the direction where Yugito went off to.

Sakura got into her fighting stance next to Chiyo while Sasori shucked off his robe and went on all fours like the puppet body was originally meant to do.

Sakura was convicted to do her best to pummel this man into submission.

00000000

Kurotsuchi flopped down on her bed and stared at the ceiling in thought.

The bed wasn't comfortable, nor was it uncomfortable by any means. Since they were at a training camp, they sometimes changed positions throughout the years. Spending time in mountainous areas, tundras, deserts, vaulted forests, pretty much anywhere that they could train, they did. Thus, the beds were meant to be as comfortable as possible while still being easily portable. But… it was homey. She liked it.

The whole notion of the training camp was actually going along rather splendidly. People of different nations were getting along and talking to each other like comrades for the first time in years and years. In fact, because of the close quarters and friendly vibes, there had been a few unions between ninja of different villages. It was great; they were treating one without any regards to the circumstances of their birth.

Birth. Kurotsuchi didn't exactly want to think about that.

Rustling paper jolted her from her thoughts and drew her attention to Fu, who was in a bed next to her and reading a book. Kurotsuchi wasn't exactly a reader, or at least not to the extent that Fu was. That being said, anything to get her attention away from the thought of the growing fetus in her womb would be welcomed by her.

"What are you reading?" Kurotsuchi asked.

Fu was so immersed in her reading that she didn't reply, prompting Kurotsuchi to snatch it away from her. The title of the chapter read 'Diets You Should Consider When Expecting.' She flipped it over to the cover all the while fending Fu off from snatching it back. It read 'Pregnancy Survival Guide: For Kunoichi'.

After a little bit of protest, Fu grabbed Kurotsuchi's arm and put her into a hold, then proceeded to grab the book away from the raven haired girl. "You shouldn't just take things." Fu said hotly.

"I asked and you didn't answer." Kurotsuchi said, getting out of the hold and rubbing the arm that had been strained by Fu.

Fu closed the book and pouted a little. "I was going to answer…"

Kurotsuchi leaned back and sighed. "Why are you reading this?"

Fu gave her a sharp look. "Because I'm pregnant, and I want to keep it. We've been over this Kuro."

Kurotsuchi swallowed hard. "I… I get it. It's tempting to just let everything go and play house together. But we can't. Akatsuki is still out there. People are still out there who want us dead. I can't be pregnant for that."

"We are… kunoichi. That means we'll always be in danger. We are… political figures. That means we'll always have high notoriety amongst mercenaries. We are… pregnant. That means we're going to be carrying a child. I love Naruto so much and I know you do too. But I'm not keeping this child because I want to play house off in the middle of Konoha. I'm keeping this child because he or she deserves a chance. Mercenaries or no."

Kurotsuchi closed her eyes. "I hold the kekai genkai for lava release and I specialize in the use of chemical compounds derived from the various jutsu that iwa has made throughout the years of its existence. I am an accomplished kenjutsu fighter. I know a few water techniques, fire techniques, and earth techniques. I am strong." Kurotsuchi leaned over and looked Fu in the eyes. "I am not as strong as you."

Fu was silent for a long time while she soaked that little piece of information in. "You're scared that when you get pregnant, everyone's going to be forced to protect you. You're scared that you'll be a drain."

When she didn't respond, Fu got up and laid down next to Kurotsuchi. Her tanned arms wrapped around Kurotsuchi's slender frame and she planted a kiss on the top of the raven haired girl's head. Sharing a partner wouldn't work out if both of them weren't on good terms, so over the years, they had gotten more… intimate than they otherwise would have.

"It's a good book, you should read it some time." Fu whispered into her ear.

"Maybe when you're done with it." Kurotsuchi whispered back in a noncommittal tone of voice.

"…What do you think he's doing right now?" Fu asked.

Kurotsuchi chuckled lightly. "Probably grating Yugito's nerves right about now."

00000000

"Yugito, you have to calm down!" Kakashi said, pounding on Yugito's skull from her back.

She had grown both tails from and was at least four times her normal size. Still dwarfed by Matatabi's full form, but an imposing sight to behold nonetheless. It was obvious that she had abandoned reason for anger a while ago. Not being able to answer Kakashi intelligently.

The ground in front of them flew up in an explosion of dirt and gravel, forcing Yugito to dodge to the side and nearly give Kakashi whiplash in the process. It was a strange feeling, riding on top of a rampaging bijuu. Yugito apparently didn't perceive Kakashi as a threat, so the flames parted on either side of him, not burning in the slightest.

She was fast, but it was definitely a bumpy ride for Kakashi, so he wasn't able to line up a shot with his Kamui. He slammed his open palm on top of Yugito's cranium once more. "You need to give me a clear shot!" He yelled into her ear.

The mad bomber was clinging on top of his bird like his life depended on it, which it probably did. Once he got his leg back, he was going to kill that annoying Sand chick. It was really difficult to get a good balance on the bird with one of his legs missing.

He threw another spider to the ground, which exploded in front of the blue flamed monster. Her movements were erratic; once he got a bead on her he'd be able to get a piece of clay next to her head.

Rampaging Jinchuuriki were hard to damage with his explosions, so he always aimed for the part that was least protected by either organic material or chakra, the side of the head. It worked for the most part. If he got it near enough, it would knock 'em out faster than looking at Itachi's sharingan. Something of which he took pride in.

Anyway, she was getting closer and closer and that jonin on top of her back didn't look particularly playful that afternoon. It might be more worth it to just abscond into the ground and head off to one of their other hideouts with what was left of the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki in tow.

Sasori would probably understand, even if he usually didn't. Fighting while missing two limbs isn't exactly optimum fighting conditions anyway.

He threw a bird at the approaching Jinchuuriki. It expanded in midair and shot off to Yugito. Getting right under her, it ballooned into fire and explosive forces. To get away from it, she jumped high into the air and soared.

She was motionless and incapable of moving while floating through the air. Deidara shouted in excitement and threw a spider at her.

Before he could give it the command to explode, however, the shoulder of his remaining operating arm vanished, spurting blood amongst other things from the sudden wound. Kakashi's eye flashed dangerously back to the normal for of his sharingan.

Deidara coughed a sudden yell in surprise and fell on the back of the bird. Yup, time to retreat for sure. The bird that he was on suddenly did a sharp turn, making Deidara and his quarry fly off the top and into the foliage.

The bird redirected and buried itself into her side before exploding. Kakashi was thrown from her back and hit the canopy while Yugito twirled through the air and hit the trunk of a tree hard.

She staggered to her feet and shook her head from side to side in order to get rid of the fuzzies clouding her mind. As soon as she was done being dizzy, she jumped up and ran into the direction of where Deidara was, using her infrared sense of heat more than her vision. There were a lot of trees around and a lot of places to hide behind after all.

Her head whipped to the side. There was a clearing that had a dead spot of heat vaguely the shape of a human body. She howled in anger and ran in the direction of the lack of heat, brushing hulking oaks to the side all the way.

He was dead, she knew. There was no way that a person could be that cold and still be alive. Yet Yugito still had the need to see him, to confirm her fears.

It was hard for her to think. It was hard for her to feel. The only thing she felt really was anger. Unquenchable, unstoppable, uncouth anger.

Deidara was going to die by her hands.

She said, thought, and was convinced of many things that were false or just plain untrue. The fact that the mad bomber was going to die was not conjecture, was not the thoughts and ramblings of a mad Jinchuuriki. No this was something far worse, far more terrifying.

This was fact.

The clearing was relatively wide open. Affording her a view of a shock of orange and yellow lying on the ground in front of her. She pawed up to his location and looked dourly at his form. His ashen gray skin, his blue lips, his white eyes.

He was dead.

Unequivocally, absolutely, with no room for doubt.

He was dead.

His heart wasn't beating.

His chest wasn't rising.

He didn't suddenly hop up and give her a great big hug and make her feel like she had her friend back.

He didn't.

Because he was dead.

Her four legs trembled and collapsed under her. Steam began leaking from her eyes, tears that had been forcefully evaporated by the fire on her form. Her lips trembled dangerously, human emotions being conveyed through a feline's face.

The piercing howl that emanated from her throat pierced the heavens. It told all the gods and deities and divine figures and everything else that might be listening all about the sorrow she felt in that single moment.

The emotion in the howl changed. It went from rasping, high, and interrupted by sobs to a shattering scream of anger.

Concentrated.

Low.

Scary.

Her mouth closed with a satisfying click. Eyes stared out into the forest.

There was a human among the trees in front of her, no doubt to try and goad her into following it. Considering he didn't have any body heat, she knew that he was a clone. It was going to explode as soon as she gave chase.

A faint flickering drew her attention to the ground. Someone was burrowing down there to try and get away. He wasn't exactly deep, considering she could still see the heat signature through the heat organs in her lips from inside the ground.

She pawed up to approximately where he was and dug her tails into the ground. The force of getting pulled up broke Deidara's remaining leg and compelled him to cry out in pain.

The tails lowered him until he was able to glare at her with his pain-filled eyes. All the remaining clay in his cloak when eaten by his chest mouth would create an explosion 3 kilometers in diameter. Only, he couldn't get it in the mouth.

She stared at him for the longest time. **"…You… You killed him."**

Deidara deigned not to answer.

The tails constricted around him until he couldn't breathe anymore. How was still alive anyway? A person missing three limbs would have died from blood loss a long time ago.

Must be something in his chakra.

The fire around her tails ignited into heat, crisping his skin to a dirty black. He screamed and screamed in agony. All the gods and deities and divine figures and everything else that might be listening didn't particularly care at his plight.

The tails constricted and pulled suddenly. His top half was torn from his bottom half. All the internal organs that hadn't been scorched to his skin and muscles fell to the ground with a plop. The remaining bits and chunks glowed a white, making Yugito cover them with her tails.

Her tails expanded from the explosion contained inside them. They slowly uncoiled, letting all the crisped and exploded body parts fall to the ground to meet the rest of him.

The fire receded into her being.

She was left standing in front of the giblets back to her bipedal state. There was no emotion on her face.

When she was done staring at the remains of the person who killed the man she loved, she did a 180 and walked back to where Naruto lay.

Where his body lay.

Yugito couldn't look at his face. It was impossible for her to. Physically, her neck couldn't crane to his face, nor could her eyes flicker to his dead eyes.

She had to get him out of there.

She had to get the body of the person who once occupied it out of the clearing that reeked of death. Because the person who once occupied that body was a great person. One deserving of better things than being killed for money and reputation. One deserving of better things than death.

Yugito took a hold of one of his hands and slung her arms under both of his knees. Lifting him up into a bridal carry, she walked off. Away from the trees. Away from the scorched remains of Deidara.

What was this feeling in her chest? It felt as if someone had frozen it over and Yugito was only cracking it in half by trying to move. Yugito didn't like it one bit.

The human body is an unwieldy thing. She could carry it just fine, but his dangling arm always swung up and hit her in the upper thighs. His feet were always knocking into each other. His head was just… there. Hanging limply. No support from the soul. Only meat and bone and tendon.

Not him.

Not anymore.

Trees passed by her in a blur. She didn't know when, but eventually Kakashi emerged from the trees and fell in step next to her without a word. He knew Naruto was dead. His aloof countenance had changed into a somber one. Sometimes he would open his mouth to try and get a few words out, but his voice always cracked before he could. Instead, he just walked. Quietly mourning the death of his idealistic student.

They walked into a grassy clearing where Yugito felt like she could hear something vaguely off in the distance. Raising her head, she saw a speck in the sky that grew larger and larger with every passing second.

It was Gaara and Temari if her eyesight was correct, flying across the sky on a huge sand cloud. Once Temari got sight of Yugito and Kakashi, she jumped off the cloud and flew down to where they were.

"Yugito! Naruto!" She screamed excitedly from the sky, waving her hands to get her attention.

Yugito stopped in her tracks and allowed Temari to come arrive via her prosthetic. She fell to the earth and hit the ground running. Seeing Yugito had her hands full, she arrived at an excited stop. "Yugito, how'd Naruto…" Temari stopped, getting a good look at Naruto's body. From up in the sky, it looked like Yugito was merely holding onto Naruto's unconscious form. Now that she was up close and personal, she saw the telltale markers of death hanging on his body.

"No." She said quietly. Shaking her head from side to side, she kept on repeating that word over and over again. "No no no no no." Temari clutched at her hair suddenly. "This… he can't be…"

Tears began to sting her eyes, her hands shook, her body quivered. Trepidatiously, she took Naruto from Yugito and set him down on the ground as gently as she could.

It was there that she wept openly.

Gaara fell behind her and stared at Naruto's form. A confused stare at first, it quickly changed to nonbelief and then into sadness. Tears began to flow from Gaara's black eyes as easily as water from a spigot.

Yugito's legs fell from under her. She braced her hands forwards to keep from hitting the ground entirely. Her face was in front of Naruto's face. His body's face.

She hesitantly pulled one of her hands forward and cupped his cheek in her palm. It was cold. She ran her fingers through his blond, spiky hair. It was soft. She leaned forward and planted a kiss on his lips. They were unresponsive

She blinked away the tears in her eyes, letting them fall forward and hit Naruto's cheeks. Soon, his face was almost completely wetted from tears and grief.

Sakura kneeled down next to her and began her medical diagnostics. When did she get there? Yugito didn't know. The only thing she did know was that there was nothing in medical knowledge that could bring back someone from the dead. Sakura seemed to know this too from the sobs that began to wrack her body.

Granny Chiyo knelt down at his head. "…I've done horrible things in my life." She said dismally. "I've killed for reasons that I still don't know why. I've turned my head on matters that I should have looked into. I've been the cause of more death than most people on this planet ever will be." The grandma placed her hands on his forehead. "But if there's one thing I can do before I die, it's going to be something worth doing."

Yugito grasped her wrists and slowly brought her head up to look at Chiyo. "What… do you mean?" She asked quietly, but with force.

"A long time ago, I made a jutsu. It was originally for Sasori boy, to bring his parents back. With this jutsu, I can bring people back to life at the expense of my death." She smiled half-heartedly. "This boy… has done more good for the elemental nations than I ever have or could in my long life. I'm going to perform this jutsu on him. I'm going to do something good for a change."

A few handseals later and a green aura erupted from Chiyo's hands. A few seconds through, though, Chiyo smiled a tragic smile. "But it looks like I don't have enough chakra to do anything."

Chiyo felt a hand on her back. She looked to the side and realized that Yugito was pulling from her own depleted reserves in order to bolster Chiyo's own. More hands came up to join the first. Sakura's, Kakashi's, Gaara's. They all joined in effort to give her the chakra needed to bring Naruto back to life.

A crowd began to gather. Reinforcements from the alliance. Team Gai. Bureaucrats from Sand. Everyone watched in impatience as Naruto was brought back to life.

With her last look at the world, Chiyo saw that hopeful faces of all the nations' people coming together and hoping for the life of one of their own. She saw happiness, fear, sadness, everything that could be conveyed saying how much they wanted this man back into the world.

His blue eyes slowly opened and her black ones slowly closed.

He coughed a little, causing a roar of excitement and happiness throughout the crowd. Yugito's breathing hitched and she raised his head and upper body from the ground.

"Wha… what's going on Yu-" His question was cut short when Yugito crashed her lips on his. It was a sloppy kiss, full of tears and breath and happiness. Oh, the happiness that was filling Yugito's heart to the brim.

Naruto's confusion kept on racking up by the minute. Eventually he was pulled away from Yugito and brought into a ribcage crushing hug from Temari, then from Sakura. "Guys, what's going on-" a hand that was pulled into a fist was slammed into his solar plexus, pushing all the air out of his lungs.

Sakura, who was the perpetrator of the action whispered. "Don't ever pull a stunt like that ever again." Even if her action was violent, her voice was happy.

Yugito got a hold of him once again and held on tight to him.

She'd never let go of him again. Not while she had breath to breathe.


	33. the best laid plans

Chapter 33

The next few days were like a whirlwind for Naruto, so your humble author will do the best he can do to sort out the events in a reasonable and timely fashion

_Day 1:_

It was dark

It was dank

It was dismal in the place that Naruto called his mind.

Well, that's not exactly true because the mindscape, and this has been mentioned previously, isn't really a reflection of the person's state of mind, more a reflection on their inner chakra system. So people usually have some sort of imagery to reflect that. Underground caves, sewers, concrete hallways. Really anything that has a vaguely tunnel-like form and with no exception has water running along the bottom.

Naruto knew that, but he needed some brooding time. Going poetically emo was just about the most he was going to go with it though.

He was sitting cross-legged in front of the cage that held the Kyuubi, or at least what was left of the Kyuubi.

The giant construct had shrunk down to the size of a fox about double the height of a normal person, although it was hard to discern the true size of Kurama because it was curled into a fetal position.

Naruto sighed and rubbed the metal bars that held him away from his newfound friend. Its chest was rising and falling at intermittent time periods. More than once Naruto was afraid that Kurama died on him. Naruto didn't know how Kurama worked. Could it even die? If not, then why was it obviously showing pain?

The one time Naruto tried to get past the bars and comfort it, it began thrashing around in fitful nightmares. He'd vacated to just outside the bars after that and contented himself with just looking after the big fox.

Immediately after. _Immediately_ after Naruto managed to befriend the fox, to show it that it can count on humanity, to show it that someone out there could love it unconditionally, it lost so much of itself that it went comatose.

Kurama, the giant nine-tailed fox and Naruto's friend, was comatose.

He didn't blame Yugito, who went through so much to retrieve him from the clutches of akatsuki.

He didn't blame Sakura, who risked her life to allow Yugito and Kakashi to chase after the mad bomber.

He didn't blame Kakashi, who was nearly blown up for his sake.

He didn't blame Chiyo, who literally gave her life to him.

But it was hard for him. If they had just been infinitesimally faster, if Team Gai had fought just a little bit harder, Kurama wouldn't be comatose.

Naruto didn't want to think these thoughts. It made him feel bad, like a petulant child who didn't get his way. Regardless, as he gazed at the fox, who was having trouble breathing at the moment, these thoughts surfaced into his psyche against his will.

He didn't have any right to be angry. He didn't have any right to throw a temper tantrum. He didn't have any right to be dissatisfied with how his friends and companions held themselves throughout the mission because if they did any worse, Kurama would likely be dead, or gone, or whatever happened to giant constructs of chakra when they got used up.

After his awakening, Gaara flew them all back to Suna, where they all swapped stories on what happened to them. For Naruto, it was tiring to be resurrected, so they all decided to stay the night and head back in the morning. Right now, he was asleep and contemplating the meaning of friendship and the bonds that are created when one makes those friendships while staring with sobered eyes at the body of Kurama.

Light footsteps began echoing all across the room. They were hard to pin down because Naruto's back was turned and the sound was bouncing all across the room, but he didn't have to be a rocket scientist to know that they were approaching him.

Eventually, they stopped when the unknown was right at his side and sat down next to him, not saying a word.

Much louder sounds of water becoming forcefully pushed to the side sounded out behind him. In the soundless room, they created enough decibels to almost fool Naruto into thinking he was right next to a roaring waterfall.

Eventually, these too stopped when the second unknown padded to his side and laid down next to him.

These two were obviously Yugito Nii and the Niibi no Nekomata, Matatabi.

After a bit of the three sitting there quietly, Yugito, still having a greater height and strength than Naruto, pulled him into her lap and held onto him tightly.

He laughed a little bit at this show of comfort. "You know." He said in a joking manner "It's pretty emasculating when you do that."

"I don't care." She retorted in the same joking manner. "You obviously have no idea what the concept of self-preservation means, so mommy cat has to take care of her kitten from now on."

Naruto leaned his head back onto her shoulder until his lips were almost touching her jawline. "You know." He said quietly. "Calling yourself my mommy is pretty weird after you practically shoved your tongue down my throat."

Yugito chuckled throatily at that. "I thought guys liked that stuff."

"Only the ones with mother complexes."

Yugito turned her head and planted a kiss on his temple. "So what should I refer to myself then, if you don't like 'mommy'?"

Naruto brought a hand up and began tracing her jawline. "Why not Neko?"

"Nope."

"Kitty?"

"Try again."

"Onee-chan?"

"Wouldn't that mean that you have a sister complex?"

"Joking, joking." Naruto said airily. "…How about… Mrs. Uzumaki?"

Yugito laughed a little bit at that. "Mrs. Uzumaki? If anything, you're going to be called Mr. Nii."

"Mr. Nii?" Naruto said with an air of feigned incredulity. "So I'm taking your name then? Is everyone else going to be taking your name?"

"I have half a mind to make them. Kurotsuchi and Fu don't even have last names. It might take some convincing to get Temari to take it up. I'm sure Mei won't mind; she seems up for anything."

"Kurotsuchi Nii, huh? Has a ring to it, I guess."

"Well of course they're going to take it. After all, I am the alpha female." Yugito said a little sarcastically.

"The alpha female?" Naruto said, running with it. "Kurotsuchi and Fu aren't going to be happy with that."

"Well, they're just going to have to deal with it. I'm the strongest here. I love you the most. I'm the oldest."

"By a significant margin." Naruto said, to which Yugito bonked him on the head for. Whilst rubbing his hurt cranium, Naruto bleated out a question "What was that for?"

"You're not supposed to mention a girl's age." Yugito said resolutely.

"Well, I'm not talking to a girl. I'm talking to a mature _woman_." Naruto said the last part huskily in her ear.

"**Do I need to give you two some room?"** Matatabi asked, speaking for the first time since she sat down.

"If you wouldn't mind." Yugito said.

"Oh, you really wouldn't want that." Naruto said. "Feels okay in the mindscape, but when you wake up, you're going to need to clean up a huge mess."

"Then I guess I'll just have to play the waiting game, huh?"

"I guess so."

The fact that Yugito loved him in a less than sisterly way had shocked Naruto at first. Of course it would, it came right out of the left field and threw him for a loop. But it wasn't a feeling that Naruto was unhappy to reciprocate.

He loved Yugito more than a lot of things in the world. She was always there for him to give him a hug, some words of encouragement, or a slap on the face when he needed it. Because she was in his life, he benefitted from it inherently.

So when it turned out that she loved him as a man, instead of a little brother, he knew that he loved her as a woman, instead of a bigger sister. It wasn't such a huge paradigm shift, after all.

It would be slightly difficult to explain the content of their relationship and how it came to be if anyone asked. But that didn't matter to him or to her. They loved each other. They've loved each other for a very long time now and they probably will always love each other.

He saw her for who she was and she saw him for who he was. Yugito was harsh, sometimes cold, demanding, kinda needy, and very serious. Naruto was idealistic, a little bit stupid, overeager, not willing to let things go, and set in his want to make bonds and retain them. These were character traits that they didn't look past in each other. They were there and they were there to stay.

In other words, Naruto loved Yugito not because she was kind, protective, strong, beautiful, mature, and so on. He loved her not only for her good traits, but also her bad ones. He loved her for all that she was. He loved her when she reprimanded him for doing something stupid. He loved her when she held him close and comforted him. He loved her when she put him through the grinder for training. He loved her and he always will love her.

The same could be said for Yugito. She loved him when he exclaimed in joy at finally mastering a jutsu. She loved him when he unwittingly said something stupid. She loved him when he held onto her at night. She loved him and she always will love him.

They understood each other.

That understanding was there far before Yugito kissed Naruto when she found out he was alive.

Naruto snuggled closer into her embrace. "Thanks." He finally whispered quietly to her. This conversation was really what he needed right now. Something inane and stupid that could make him laugh and get his mind off things.

Yugito nodded and held on to him just a bit tighter. She was only half joking when she told him that she'd never let him go again, seeing as how he has a penchant for getting into danger. But that wasn't the only thing that made her want to hold on to him.

Even in the dank mindscape, he was warm and comforting to her touch. She just liked… touching him, or being near him, or holding onto him. He just emanated that kind of feeling to her.

Matatabi got up and began pacing around the joint mindscape a little bit. Every once and a while, she'd paw a little bit at the bars keeping them away from the Kyuubi.

"**Do you think…"** Matatabi started, but trailed off before she could finish her thought.

Naruto looked up at her and grunted for confirmation.

"**Eh, d-do you think… it'd be okay… to get rid of the seal?"** This sentence was said with pauses in between, as if she was confirming this train of thought as she was saying it.

Naruto looked up at her in interest. "I don't know, why?"

Matatabi pawed around restlessly. **"It's better than just waiting for Kurama to get better. If I get this seal away, then we could probably help Kurama."**

Naruto's interest was certainly getting piqued. "You mean you can help Kurama? Why didn't you say so before?"

Matatabi didn't look too decisive on her point. **"I don't know. Maybe. It's just… it can't hurt, right?"** Matatabi started pacing around again. **"It's just… It's hard to see Kurama in the state it's in. The least we can do is to uncage it."**

So it wasn't that she could help Kurama, just that she didn't like seeing it caged like that.

Naruto got up from Yugito, who stood up as well, and faced the cage that held Kurama away. "Even if something bad happens when I get rid of it, I don't think there'd be much effect on me. Kurama just… doesn't… have the chakra for it anymore."

Anytime Jiraya had the time to come by the training camp, he made it a point to instruct Naruto on advanced sealing and chakra theory. Naruto was getting help in every single aspect aside from those, so those were what the perverted sage went with. Although he had gotten a lot of lectures (using a lot of diagrams and simplistic analogies), Naruto never really took to the subject all that much. Even so, now he knew how chakra interacted with people and things just a little bit better, so he wasn't afraid anything big might happen if he got rid of the seal on Kurama.

The Uzumaki made a claw-like hand impression and held it slightly in front of his navel, then made a twisting notion. Jiraya, in his infinite wisdom, also deemed Naruto was fit enough to hold the key to the Kyuubi's prison, seeing as the sage could see the efforts that Naruto was going through trying to befriend it.

"Woah, I don't think you want to do that."

It was a male's voice. Kind, light, a little bit hesitant.

Naruto froze in his motion, halting the gate's imminent opening prematurely. Slowly, ever so slowly, Naruto turned around to see what awaited him.

Directly behind him was a guy. He had long, spiky blond hair, was wearing a robe that had red flames licking the bottom, and looked kind of nervous. He had a big smile on his face and was rubbing the back of his head nervously.

Naruto's breath hitched in his throat. This was the man that he looked up to for most of his life. This was the man that put Kurama in him in the first place. This was the man that made the blunder of signing four marriage documents in one go. This was the man who had a hand in creating him.

He was Minato Namikaze.

He was Naruto's father.

He was dead.

He was standing in Naruto's mindscape

Silence reigned over the shared mindscape for 10 seconds.

Minato was the one who broke the silence. "Hey Naruto, I'm your dad. My name is Minato Namik-" His eyes opened as wide as they could go in pain and surprise as he suddenly found a knee directly in his crotch.

Naruto stood over the keeling man. "I-I don't know what to say." Naruto was breathing hard and was trying his damndest to hold back the tears in his eyes.

If there was any sort of situation that Naruto would have anticipated, it would not be meeting his dead father in his mindscape. Naruto looked up at Yugito, who watched everything so far with silent incredulity. "Is this a genjutsu or something?" Naruto asked.

Yugito, wide eyed, shook her head slowly from side to side.

Minato, thinking he was the one the question was directed to, got up and answered Naruto's question with a comically higher pitched voice than usual. "No, Naruto, this isn't a genjutsu. I really am your father. When I was sealing the Kyuubi inside of you, I imparted a piece of my chakra as well so I could council you not to unseal the Kyuubi when you began to lose yourself."

Naruto began to calm his breathing. "That's… that's pretty convenient, don't ya think? Why couldn't you seal away some of your chakra to meet me before this? I had to go through the first thirteen years of my life not knowing who my parents were! I thought you two just abandoned me in the orphanage."

Minato rushed forward and brought his arms around his son in as comforting an embrace as he could manage. "I-I know that I put you in an unfair situation, Naruto. I'm so sorry for that. I did the best I could under the situation."

Naruto's face twisted into a grimace. He wrapped his arms around his father and held him as tightly as he could. Tears were flowing freely from his eyes.

Minato would have continued to enjoy this familial embrace were it not for the knee he found buried into his crotch, exacerbating the previous nut shot. Minato wheezed air out his lungs and sunk to the floor. "Y-You really have to stop doing that." Minato wheezed out.

"You fucked up." Naruto said, his face back to normal and wiping the tears away from his cheeks.

"I know! I'm sorry for having you shoulder the burden of hate. You needed the power of the Kyuubi to even have a chance of surviving against th-"

"No, no, no." Naruto interrupted. "You fucked up in a much different way."

Minato looked up from the ground confusedly at his son. Naruto pointed to behind him, where Yugito and Matatabi were watching in silence.

Yugito nervously waved at her father-in-law, while Matatabi decided to sit down and look as regally imposing as she could.

Minato stared at the two in a shocked silence. Slowly, ever so slowly, he turned his head away from the two and looked back at his son. "You're going to have to explain some things." Minato finally said.

*Some very simplified explanations later*

Minato was very silent. "S-So, you're Yugito Nii, and you're the Niibi no Nekomata, Matatabi." Minato said, pointing the two in question. "And when I was in office, using shadow clones, I signed four marriage contracts simultaneously, then forgot about it. Not only that, but about fourteen years later, all the villages decided to take those marriage contracts seriously. You got your arm cut off while trying to protect a Jinchuuriki who was a dictator. Then you lost your life trying to protect your friend, who was the Kazekage and a Jinchuuriki, and was brought back to life. Now, you're romantically involved with two-"

"Three." Yugito interrupted.

Minato winced a little bit. "Three of your, now five, wives. The Kyuubi, whose name is Kurama and doesn't have a set gender, got sucked out of you, but not all of it, only most of it. It is also one of your precious people. Now you're sleeping in Suna and are about to set out to the training camp, where shinobi of all the villages come together to share their techniques and learn how to get along with each other."

Naruto nodded. "Pretty much."

Minato began rubbing his chin in thought. "How old are you, by the way?" Minato asked Naruto and Yugito.

"I'm 29, he's 16." Yugito stated simply.

Minato chuckled a little bit. "I'm so glad Kushina isn't here." Minato said under his breath. "I know she'd kill me for sure if I wasn't already dead."

Naruto returned his attention to Kurama. "I'm going to unseal Kurama now. It doesn't have enough chakra to hurt me even if it can get out."

Minato looked at the big fox in consideration. "It won't get out either way. Most Jinchuuriki seals have it so even if the seal is unlocked or destroyed, it'd still be up to the bijuu whether or not to come out. If it comes out and it had enough chakra, you'd die, but seeing as it's predisposed…" Minato trailed off.

Naruto nodded and put his hand back into the claw shape, then finished unlocking the seal. The gate lock swindled away and the giant gates slowly opened, showing Kurama the freedom it always wanted.

Minato tutted out a few sounds of apprehension. "I can't believe the Kyuubi is in such a state."

Naruto walked into where the cage previously stopped and crouched down a safe distance away from Kurama. Naruto sighed a sad sigh. "…Yeah, I can't believe it either."

Matatabi pawed over to where Kurama was laying. One of her tails came forward and nudged it in its stomach. Its breathing hitched a little bit, but was unresponsive otherwise.

Yugito came over and draped an arm around Naruto to comfort him.

Minato walked a bit closer than Naruto did, coming all the way up to Kurama's face, where he tentatively rubbed his hand on the top of Kurama's head. There was no change in its expression.

Golden flakes began lifting off Minato, giving him a divine appearance. Naruto looked up at him in shock and wonder. "D-Dad, what's happening?"

Minato looked at his arms with an understanding gaze. "The amount of chakra I put into you isn't enough for a prolonged existence." He put his hands on his hips and sighed. "You know, I thought that when we'd meet for the first time since you were a baby, I thought it'd be a bit more… dramatic I guess."

Naruto stumbled his way to where Minato was, Kurama no longer thrashing in his presence. Minato placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "I wish I could have been there to see you grow up. I wish I could have been there to see you graduate from the academy, or get promoted to chunin, or meet your first girlfriend- well, maybe not that last one. That one might have turned out to be a bit more painful on my side because of your mother." Minato smiled widely.

Naruto chuckled against his will.

"Son, the only thing I want of you, is to be happy. If you find your happiness, it would be the most a father could wish for." Minato looked away from Naruto and addressed Yugito. "Also, I'd like it if you could look after Naruto. He really gets his personality from his mother, after all."

Yugito nodded, tiny little pinpricks of water coalescing in her eyes. The scene in front of her was just too heart wrenching for there not to be some sort of reaction out of her.

"And son," Minato said, turning his attention to Naruto once more. "Never forget this one thing. I am more proud of you, than of anything else I have ever had a hand in making in my entire life. If your mother was here, she'd feel the same way as me."

Naruto nodded, tears falling from his eyes all the way. Minato turned his back on Naruto and placed his hand on Kurama's head. "What are you doing?" Naruto rasped out.

Minato rubbed Kurama's head lovingly. "I'm going to take a page out of your mother's playbook, and do something impulsively without thinking." He flashed Naruto one more smile before getting absorbed into Kurama's head.

As soon as he was gone, Kurama's eyes opened suddenly. It thrashed around a little bit to get into a suspicious battle stance and began to breathe heavily. Its eyes were looking around the room frantically, trying to absorb all the information in the setting it was in as it could.

Its eyes finally rested on Naruto. "K-Kit?" It asked in a voice that was uncharacteristically higher and lighter than it usually would have. "What happened?" The voice was somewhat androgynous in nature, no longer booming and deep. It was the voice of a normally talking person, not the one of a ginormous bijuu.

Naruto stood stock still for several seconds before rushing forward and enveloping Kurama in the tightest, biggest, most heartfelt hug the big fox had ever felt in its entire life. Kurama, no longer at the mass that it usually would have been, stumbled a little bit before falling on its ass. "When did you get so big?" It asked in wonder.

Naruto buried his face into Kurama's pelt of fur, too happy to vocalize what situation the fox was actually in.

Too happy to do much other than hold the fox as tightly as he could and not let go.

00000000

_Day 2:_

Tsunade was rubbing her temples as soothingly as she could under the situation she was in. In front of her was a smiling Naruto, an aloof Kakashi, a slightly nervous Sakura, and a seemingly-not-caring Yugito, who looked like all she wanted to do was to leave and get some shut eye.

Tsunade sighed for the umpteenth time that day. "You guys are going to give me an aneurism someday."

"Well it's a good thing you're a medical shinobi." Naruto said, smile not slackening in the slightest. Tsunade's glare was enough to make him rethink his previous statement. "Y-You know, so you can take care of that aneurism…"

"Jiraya." Tsunade said to the sage to her right. "Tell me again why I'm not allowed to place Naruto under house arrest."

Jiraya laughed uproariously and slapped Tsunade on the back a few times. "Are you kidding? Place the kid that helped kill two akatsuki agents and who was resurrected from the dead under house arrest? That's absurd. There'd be riots."

"It's just going to happen again." Tsunade said. "You told me, with confidence, that you thought Naruto was strong enough to take out members of the akatsuki if push came to shove. From the report of the situation I got, Naruto was taken out in a matter of minutes after barely hurting Sasori at all."

"It was a bad pairing." Jiraya said. "Who knew Sasori made something that could work against Jinchuuriki? Well, now he's gone and no one knows how to make any more of it."

Tsunade silently seethed. "I should punish you to the full extent that I am capable of. But I can't. Because you helped save Gaara from having his bijuu removed, and you still… have yours, I guess."

Naruto nodded happily. "Yup. Kurama's looking a bit down, but still has chakra."

Tsunade waved her hand to the side. "Dismissed."

Naruto, in a manner most unbefitting of his character, decided to sedately remove himself from the foldable chair and head out of the temporary commanders tent with slow, precise movements. Yugito followed after him and began walking next to him side by side. Her hand reached downwards and grasped Naruto's hand into hers, intertwining the fingers in a most loving fashion.

It was strange in the training camp. There seemed to be nobody in their way as they continued to the five tents consisting of their housing.

Yugito looked down with that light smile on her face to Naruto. He was smiling profusely, a victim of supreme happiness.

She laughed. It was a light, carefree, harmonious laughter. One that drew Naruto's attention back to her beautiful face.

Her laughter proved to be infectious, as even Naruto was starting to laugh lightly as well. "What's… what's so funny?" He finally asked in between gouts of laughter.

She stopped suddenly and peered down at him, still smiling. Quickly, she bent down a little bit and planted a big kiss on Naruto's mouth.

Naruto's eyes grew wide in surprise for only a second before he eagerly reciprocated the kiss. It was only meant to be chaste, but Naruto had other ideas, as he brought a hand to the back of her head to hold her in place.

Getting the idea, she leaned in even more and deepened the kiss. Their lips began sliding past each other, caressing and directing the other's movements in a moment of togetherness.

Yugito took a handful of Naruto's hair for leverage and leaned her entire body against his, her curves sinking into Naruto's own athletic body frame. Her other arm was wrapped around his waist, holding him to her.

They continued this interlocked embrace up until Naruto tried to move his foot away to get some leverage, only he didn't see the rock behind said foot. He tripped and fell flat on his back, dragging Yugito down with him. His hands felt the soft grass on the ground. The sun was suddenly blocked by Yugito's body.

She landed on her knees on either side of Naruto's body. Her torso was arched so that her head was directly in front of his.

Her breath tickled his nose and mouth. She was panting, her face was flushed; her eyes were half-lidded, but were completely focused.

She landed small, little kisses on his jaw and neck, moving enticingly slowly towards his torso. Her index finger's nail grew about an inch in length as she dragged it down Naruto's shirt and jacket. At the very bottom, it opened up easily, baring Naruto's front to her eyes.

Naruto's eyes grew wider and wider as she did this. It was at the point that she was licking Naruto's abdomen and upper body, tracing the curves of his musculature, that Naruto gently laid a hand on her shoulder and pushed her away.

Their eyes met, she resigned herself to something and nodded so incrementally that Naruto felt like he might have imagined it. "Y-Yugito…"

Her hands reached around her back and pulled at something Naruto couldn't see. Her front armor piece slackened visibly, and she quickly shucked it away. It was when her hands grasped the bottom of her longshirt that Naruto intervened and grabbed her hands in his, halting them from their progress.

"Look, Yugito." Naruto said, huffing a little from all the adrenaline in his system. "Don't you want to start somewhere a bit more…" Naruto looked around at the tents pitched all around them and the wide open blue sky above them. "Private?"

Yugito looked around as well before offering a simplistic "No one's here right now."

"But they might come back soon."

Yugito leaned her body forward, making Naruto lean back until the nape of his neck was resting on the fine grass. "I. Don't. Care." She said these words softly, but with a definite severity to their meaning.

Naruto grabbed her waist and rolled over. Now on top, he leaned close to her ear and whispered "Well I do. I wanna keep you all to myself."

Yugito grinned at such a cheesy response and conceded to his point, marked by when she tied her front armor piece back to her torso. They both stood and faced each other a little awkwardly, before Naruto offered his hand, which she happily took.

They continued walking on their merry way, looking like nothing happened at all, except for Naruto's ruined shirt and jacket. After a few minutes of walking, Naruto broke the silence. "So what was so funny?"

"Hm?"

Naruto made a few random, unsure hand gesticulations. "You know, before you forced yourself on me, you were laughing a lot. What was so funny?"

Yugito gave a small huff of amusement. "First of all, I didn't hear you complaining."

"Naturally, I was just so scared." Naruto said with a shit-eating grin.

Yugito sent a knowing glare his way. "And second of all… I don't have a reason."

"No reason?"

Yugito wrapped her arm around his body. "I don't need a reason to laugh, if I'm happy enough."

00000000

_Day 2.5_

"Hey Naruto… I, uh… I need to talk to you… for a second." Kurotsuchi refused to meet Naruto's eye and was clutching an elbow with one of her hands.

"Okay." Naruto said simply. Yugito and Naruto had just made it to the tented area where they usually would sleep and to put it mildly, Yugito was hoping for a little alone time with Naruto. This seemed for naught, however, because Kurotsuchi needed Naruto for a second.

Kurotsuchi glanced at Yugito, then to Naruto. "…Alone." She added.

It took Naruto two seconds to process her words and the ramifications that were held in them. Kurotsuchi was never meek. She never hesitated to speak her mind in the bluntest way possible. And she never would refuse to make eye contact with Naruto. "Oh, uhhh… Sure." Naruto tapped Yugito's elbow draped around his neck. "One second." He said to the cat woman in question.

Yugito looked mildly annoyed, but relented, noticing the serious atmosphere that suddenly pervaded upon their selves. She made a beeline to the hot springs in order to give them some space.

Kurotsuchi reached out and tugged on Naruto's sleeve, drawing him into their tent. Naruto had a mask of seriousness and concern about the situation he was in.

Once inside, she sat down on the cot and bade him to follow suit. She looked nervous, Naruto noticed. There were black bags under her eyes, her hands were shaking, she didn't look like she'd bathed in a few days. "S-So." She started out. "I—uhh, I see that you and Yugito are…" She didn't finish her sentence.

Naruto's eyes widened. "Kurotsuchi." Naruto said resolutely and flatly. "Do… Do you have a problem with me and Yugito…" He couldn't finish his sentence either. This was one of the few things that kept him up at night; quarreling and being forced to choose between his wives.

Goddamn it. He knew this thing wasn't going to work. Pervy-sage is so full of shit. How could one man be happily married to five wives? Actually, it would be quite easy for one man to be happily married to five women; the real question would be how could five women be happily married to one man?

Naruto hung his head in shame. "I-I'm sorry." He said, cutting her off. "I-I can't choose between you and her. It wouldn't be fair."

Kurotsuchi's lips turned upwards into a dark sort of smile. "It's not about that." She said wistfully. "I was just… making an observation I guess."

Naruto breathed out a sigh of relief. "That's good to hear." He said under his breath. "…Wait, so what did you want to talk to me about?"

Kurotsuchi opened her mouth once, then shut it. Then she opened it again and shut it again. This happened a few times more until Naruto grabbed her hands in one of his and put a hand to her chin, so he could point it to him and look her in the eyes. Now that quarreling was out of the realm of possible things that could make her like that, Naruto was scared of what really was making her act so uncharacteristically.

"What. Is. Wrong?" He asked as comfortingly as he could.

Tears began to coalesce at the corner of her eyes. Her nose scrunched. Her lip was quivering. "I-I-I-I-I-I…" No matter what, she couldn't make the words take form.

Naruto leaned in explosively and kissed her quivering lips. He wrapped his arms around her back and brought her in until she was sitting on his lap. He broke the kiss and held to him as closely as he could. "What's wrong? You can tell me." Naruto whispered into her ear.

"I'm pregnant." Kurotsuchi said into his ear.

Naruto stilled. "W-What?"

"I'm pregnant." Kurotsuchi said again, her torso beginning to wrack itself with sobs. "And-And-And-And… you don't have to worry." She said into his ear, full of despair. "I'm… I'm going to get rid of it, so you don't have to worry-"

Naruto put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her away from him. She was arm's length away when she saw the look on his face.

It looked dumbstruck, like he had been hit in the face with a shovel. "Y-You're pregnant?" Naruto asked unbelievingly.

Kurotsuchi nodded, tears leaking out of her ducts like mad. "I-I'm going to get rid of it, so you don't have to-"

"You're pregnant." Naruto said once more, lips slowly curling inward to become a smile.

Kurotsuchi shut her eyes and nodded, not noticing how Naruto's face of unbelieving dumbstruckness was turning into one of hopeful jubilance.

"You're pregnant." He said, voice out of breath for some strange reason. "You're pregnant." He said a little louder and happier.

Kurotsuchi tentatively opened her eyes to see Naruto's body, shaking with excitement. "I'm going to be a dad." He said, completely having put the abortion thing out of his mind subconsciously.

"Y-You're okay with that?" Kurotsuchi asked. "B-But the akatsuki-"

"The Akatsuki can all go suck a dick for all I care." Naruto said loudly and happily. "You're pregnant and I'm going to be a dad!" Naruto brought her back to his torso for a full-on bear hug.

Kurotsuchi allowed him to hug onto her for dear life. This situation was… unexpected. The most she had thought would happen would be Naruto to silently and sadly take up the mantle of responsibility and feign a sadness over her choice of having an abortion, but ultimately allow her to do so. He was… completely, unequivocally, decisively happy about the news.

He hugged her for all that he had to hug, laughing breathlessly at the news. "I have to tell everyone." Naruto said suddenly, pulling back just enough so he could look her in the eye.

She gave him a somewhat cross look. "I-I don't think-"

Naruto wasn't going to take 'no' for an answer. He picked her up bridal style and ran out of the tent as quickly as he could.

As he went, he just started shouting out the results of their union wildly and recklessly to anyone who listened.

"Hey You! I'm going to be a dad!"

"Oi! I got my wife pregnant!"

"My kid's going to be royalty!"

He went on and on like that, going off on random tangents sometimes he was so excited. Kurotsuchi just went with it. Eventually she began to laugh in a way that only a person who had been previously crying could laugh. She laughed out of joy, out of happiness, out of relief, out of a lot of things.

"Hey! Dad!" This statement got Kurotsuchi's attention, forcing her to look at who Naruto was directing that to. He was a bulky man with a pronounced upper jaw. He and Naruto had been getting along well enough that he insisted on the Uzumaki calling him 'dad'.

Kitsuchi looked away from the students he was teaching about earth manipulation to see his son-in-law carrying his daughter bridal style. Before he could get out any sort of interrogative, Naruto finished the thing that he wanted to say.

"I put a baby in your daughter! You're going to be a granddaddy!" And just like that, Naruto was off like the wind, trying to tell everyone how happy he was about the news.

Kitsuchi blinked once and allowed the words to get processed in his head. It took him a solid ten seconds to process it and in the time that it took, his students began to get kind of worried. "Uhh… sir?"

Kitsuchi looked at the student who spoke in question. "What?" He asked gruffly.

"Are you okay?" The student asked.

It took a while for him to answer. "…I don't know."

"Hey dogbreath!" Naruto shouted at Kiba. Just when he was turned around enough to look in Naruto's general direction, Naruto shot past him. "I'm going to be a dad!" He shouted back.

"Hey Ino!" Naruto shouted at the Yamanaka. She looked up a little to see what Naruto was on about. Really, he got excited over the simplest of things. Before she could ask what he wanted, he shot past her. "I got Kurotsuchi pregnant!" He shouted back at the dumbfounded Ino.

"Hey Chouji! Guess what? I'm going to be a dad." Naruto said to the Akamichi in rapid succession. He was gone before Chouji could raise his head from the meal he was eating.

"Neji, Tenten, Lee, Gai!" He said to the four members of Team Gai, who were walking sedately, talking amongst themselves. "Kurotsuchi's pregnant with my kid!" Not even Lee could track how fast he was moving at that point.

"Hey Shino! I'm going to be a dad!" Naruto said, jostling Kurotsuchi around a bit to bring attention to her. She giggled a little bit and half-heartedly swatted at him. He was off before Shino could tell Naruto that he knew before the blond did.

"Hinata!" He shouted at the Hyuuga. "Kurotsuchi's pregnant!" He was gone before the Hyuuga could politely say "congratulations" to his face.

"Samui, Karui, Omoi!" He said to the Cloud trio. "I got Kurotsuchi pregnant."

Just when he was out of earshot, Karui nudged Samui in the sides. "Aren't you glad that you didn't hop on that train when you could?" Samui smiled a little bit. Yeah, that kind of life just wasn't for her.

"Oi Pervy-sage!" Naruto shouted at Jiraya. "I had sex with Kurotsuchi and got her pregnant!" Jiraya was passed by Naruto, but not before he could give out one of the patented 'bro fist after finding out one of your bros got laid' bro fist. For that particular comment, Naruto got hit in the head by a slightly indignant Kurotsuchi, although she was too happy to stay mad at the blond lug.

"Shikamaru!" Naruto said to the Nara in question. "I got Kurotsuchi pregnant!" Shikamaru didn't reply for several seconds because of the game of chess he was playing, when he did, Naruto was long gone.

"Sakura! Kakashi!" Naruto shouted at his pink-haired teammate and his aloof sensei. He stopped directly in front of her and elevated his wife slightly. She flung her arms wide and said "I'm pregnant!" They were gone again before the two could comment.

"Naruto sure works fast." Kakashi said, mostly to himself before getting back to the porn that he was distracted from.

Sakura snapped her fingers in realization. "So that's what was wrong with them." She said mostly to herself before trying to get a bead on Naruto to properly congratulate him. He was way too far away now for her to do anything, however.

"Hey Granny!" Naruto said, barging into the commander's tent. "Kurotsuchi's pregnant." He was out of the tent before the pen Tsunade was holding could hit her desk. She looked wide-eyed at the tent flap fluttering in the man-made wind where the married couple had been at moments prior. A smiling Shizune was smirking to herself quietly behind the elderly Senju.

"Akatsuchi!" Kurotsuchi yelled at the large, childish teenager. "I'm pregnant!" Before he could even turn around, the two were dust in the wind.

"Hey Temari, Kurotsuchi's pregnant!" Naruto said to the wind mistress, actually stopping in front of the person for once.

She held up a hand. "Yeah, I gathered."

Naruto's eyebrows furrowed. "Is the information all across the camp yet?"

"Well it doesn't help that you two are just going around, shouting out at the top of your lungs that you're pregnant."

Naruto started jogging in place. "We can't let the information get to anyone other than by us." Naruto said in a comic worried tone.

Kurotsuchi giggled. "No, I guess we can't, can we?"

With that, Naruto shot off in another direction, leaving Temari in the dust.

"Congratulations, by the way." Temari said to the empty air where the two used to be.

"Yugito!" Naruto shouted into the hotsprings, afraid to go in lest he accidentally slip on the surface with his sandals.

"What?!" She shouted out.

"Kurotsuchi's pregnant!"

"What!?"

"I'm pregnant!"

"…Great for you?"

"It is great!" Naruto shouted. Before he could jet off to find more people to tell the good news to, Kurotsuchi tapped his cheek a few times.

"You know." She said. "Fu's pregnant too."

Naruto's face lit up even more, if it were even possible.

"FUU!"

Fu looked away suddenly from the training dummy she was slicing up using her water swords to see Naruto bolting towards her with Kurotsuchi in his arms. Fu's face softened at that look of contentment on Kurotsuchi's face.

"Fu!" He shouted again, albeit slightly lowered in volume this time.

When he got close enough, Fu leaned in cutely and gave an elongated "Ye~s?" to the Uzumaki.

"You're pregnant!" He said excitedly, scooping Fu up on his back. "We need to tell everyone the good news!"

00000000

_Day 3 (Warning: lemon ahead)_

Naruto was leaning back in his little cot. A lot had happened that day, so he was fairly mentally pooped.

First, Mei came back from Kiri and chewed him out something fierce when she learned that he died during the mission and that the only thing that kept him alive was the Hand of the Machine. Other than that, Tsunade alerted the rest of the kage about the pregnancies, prompting an impromptu meeting between the leaders of the continent. It was a unanimous agreement that at the very least, the two pregnant wives should stay at a safe house somewhere. Not only to give them protection, but also to provide them a good area to bring up their kids.

Mei suggested a beachside resort on an island very close to the main one that Kiri was located on. Once she gave the details of all the things the place had to offer, everyone agreed to it. After all, they all had safe houses of one kind or another all over their respective countries, but none suited to catering to the needs of two pregnant ladies like the resort did.

Kurotsuchi didn't like it at first, but was convinced when she learned she could continue light training there with the small training grounds attached to it.

In the end, because the resort was so huge, Naruto and co. decided to all go there. Temari had actually never been to the beach and Yugito, although wasn't too keen on the sea, wanted to go wherever Naruto was going.

It looked like things were really going his way, that is until Kurotsuchi and Fu heard about him dying on the rescue mission.

Oh, there were so many tears and slaps across the face and the calling a certain someone a certain phallic symbol. Yup, when they learned that the father of their unborn children might have died on them, they made him promise to never go into harm's way again. Seeing as he was a ninja, he persuaded them to eventually drop the promise to never going into perilous harm's way. They were still pretty stewed about the whole thing, but he didn't expect them to not come to bed with him.

And it was looking that way too. The sun was going down and the air was getting chilly. Soon, he'd have to climb into bed alone, something he hadn't done in a very long time indeed.

Naruto sighed to himself and began drawing back the sheets on his cot. There was a slight coughing sound coming from the entrance. What was standing there kept Naruto's attention for a very long time.

Yugito was in a towel and nothing else, it appeared. Her hair was down and still in strands from the water logged in them. Steam was drifting off her body, meaning that she'd been in the hotspring until very recently. She had a brave and defiant look on her face that was somewhat dampened by the growing blush on her cheeks, expanding across her nose and up her forehead. She stepped in the tent and let the flap flutter back into place.

"We uhh… we never got to finish what we started yesterday." Yugito said.

Naruto grinned a little sheepishly. "O-Oh, that's right. I'm… I'm sorry. It's just been kinda hectic lately…"

"It's- It's fine, I get it. It's not every day that you learn you're going to be a father." Yugito said reassuringly.

Naruto nodded.

Silence engulfed the tent, neither really knowing how to start out. The previous day's attempt at intercourse had been a matter of passion and circumstance. Now that they were both just… there, and accepting what was about to happen, it brought up a slightly awkward, anxious air in the tent.

"S-So…" Yugito finally said. "How do you want to start?"

"Well, I- we'd usually start with kissing." Naruto winced immediately. There was no way that Yugito wanted to hear about how he did it with Fu and Kurotsuchi.

"O-Oh. Right, of course." Yugito said, taking a few tentative steps to his cot. Naruto stood up and faced her as she did so.

When she was close enough that Naruto could feel the hot air of her breath on his forehead, she leaned in and kissed him on the lips, not taking her hands away from the towel. Naruto reciprocated and wrapped his arms around her, drawing him closer to him.

She drew her (comically enough) rough tongue to and fro on Naruto's lips, asking for permission to enter. Naruto allowed and she pushed inwards, exploring his mouth, fighting a little with his own tongue, allowing Naruto access to her mouth.

Naruto ended the kiss, bringing his lips down her jaw, to her collarbone, staying just long enough to nibble and suck a bit on a protruding scar, then down her ribcage, up until the towel that she was still holding onto.

Naruto eyed upwards, as if asking permission. When he received no words of negative, he brought his hands and clasped them in hers, slowly bringing the towel down and uncovering her modestly sized breasts.

Naruto lowered himself on the cot into a sitting position, bringing Yugito down with him. She flung away the towel and sat on his lap, knees on either side of him. There, she helped him out of his night shirt and planted a few kissed on his neck, drawing her hands up and down his toned abdominal muscles.

The Uzumaki brought his hands upwards and palmed her breasts gently, rubbing them in between his fingers. He could hear her breath hitch slightly on his neck, bringing a smile to his face. He oriented her nipples in between his middle and index fingers, squeezing and pulling the small nubs to her satisfaction.

Her satisfaction wasn't being sated fast enough, seeing as how she pushed Naruto on the bed and began suckling and nibbling on his neck while she brought a hand down to rub at his crotch and engorged member. Naruto gave out a groan of pleasure at her ministrations, bringing a smile to Yugito's face.

She turned around so that she was facing Naruto's lower body and tugged down the boxer briefs that Naruto was wearing for sleep wear. His cock was laying on its side, semi-engorged. She grabbed it at the hilt and leaned forward slightly, a little amused at the sight of his pubic hair.

"So you're a natural blond, huh?" She asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Naruto retorted, bringing his hands forward to get a good grasp of her hips. He lifted them until her knees were on either side of his neck, giving him a perfect view of her engorged vagina.

"Nothing." Yugito said huskily. She leaned down and gave his member an experimental lick, getting another groan from her partner. Her eyes widened and she gasped a little as she felt Naruto begin his own meal. "I-If you make the joke…" She warned.

Naruto leaned back and audibly smacked his lips. "A wonderfully tasty pussy on a wonderfully tasty pussy."

Yugito growled a little at Naruto. Deciding that he didn't want a pissed off cat woman around his balls, he quickly gave forward a little apology before delving back into her snatch.

Yugito would have rolled her eyes if she had the thought processes available to think up such a clever physical show of irritation.

She continued to lick and suck around his shaft until the entire thing was completely wetted and erect, gasping and moaning every once and a while when Naruto would lick at a particularly sensitive bundle of nerves.

Yugito brought her head down and engulfed the head in her mouth, drawing her tongue on the top of his cock in swirling patterns, hoping to get a response out of him. Naruto brought his hands upward and spread out the lips of her labia minora, affording him a good view of her vulva. There, he inserted his index finger into her vaginal opening, making her gasp in pleasure and a little bit of pain, clenching hard on the foreign object. Naruto would have hissed in pain if he didn't think it would ruin the mood. He began drawing the index finger in and out of the opening, trying to loosen it up a bit while he licked at her lower lips with joy, getting tickled every now and again by the trimmed blonde hair around her vagina.

The cat woman began to bob her head up and down on the shaft, bringing it as far in as the pubic hair began tickling her chin and drawing back out to the head of penis. Feeling a little bit experimental, she abandoned using her mouth and brought her chest out forward, wrapping her breasts around the penis. They weren't absurdly large enough that she'd be able to entirely wrap around his shaft, nor would she be able to comfortably orient her head to orally pleasure him at the same time, but it was a unique and foreign experience that neither Kurotsuchi or Fu could pull off, something that Naruto had yet to feel.

She began to use the palms of her hands to bounce her breasts up and down on his cock. Not one to be outdone, Naruto fingered around her clitoral hood and finally freed the elusive little bundle of nerves from the skin surrounding it. He, while continuing to finger her, kissed her clitoris and began to lick and kiss at it at a rapid pace, hoping to set off Yugito before she managed to set him off. It was hard though; the feeling of her bouncing breasts going up and down on his slicked cock was almost unbearable.

Yugito was gasping for air and mewling at a rapid pace almost as soon as Naruto began his assault on her clitoris. Invigorated at the prospect of losing, she began bouncing her breasts up and down as rapidly as she could, allowing drool to trickle down her mouth and land in the waiting crevice of her cleavage to help slick the rod sliding in and out of it.

Yugito abandoned the use of her knees to keep her lower half upright and instead decided to fall on Naruto's face for support. A little bit surprised at the action, Naruto allowed it nonetheless, as it gave him a better access to her vulva.

With both of their attention to the other's pleasure, it wasn't very long after they started that Naruto felt his thighs clench and Yugito began grinding into Naruto's face against her will.

An elongated groan was all her warning before semen began caking the inside of her breasts and the bottom of her chin. At the same time, she nearly screamed in pleasure as she felt that knot that had begun building in her abdomen release all at once, coating Naruto's face with her own release.

She could both hear and feel Naruto doing his best to lap all the fluids that landed on or near his face, so she decided, after a few seconds of rest, to scoop up some of the semen that had landed on her chest and give it a lick.

Sweat was on her brow and she was breathing as heavily as if she had run five miles in the span of five minutes. Even so, she could taste the bitterness of Naruto's semen on her taste buds. It wasn't completely anathema to her, but she wasn't really one for bitter tasting foods, so she decided to forego eating the rest of the semen on her chest.

She laid there, on top of him, drawing in as much air into her lungs as she possibly could while Naruto did the same.

Her arms were shaking, even so, she drew herself up from his legs and landed on top of him, her knees on either side of his midsection. Naruto pushed himself up and proceeded to kiss Yugito some more, his hands roaming all over her body. Because she was in a profession that had her remain in tip-top shape, she had a very well-toned and muscled body. Naruto slid his hands from her lithe back to her succulently firm ass cheeks, to her long, powerful legs, to her stomach, which was so toned that he could feel her muscled abs underneath the layer of skin.

Some might be turned off by how strong a woman she was, but not Naruto. He loved every nook and cranny and everything that made Yugito, Yugito.

Naruto suctioned his mouth on the side of her neck, licking, sucking, kissing, and doing the best he could to draw the tiny little moans out of her body. The sounds of her moaning turned Naruto on enough that his wilting member suddenly engorged itself again, poking the underside of her ass.

Yugito gasped a little at the feeling of his hot rod poking her ass. "Someone's getting frisky~" She whispered in his ear in a husky, seductive tone.

Naruto slid an arm under her ass and picked her up. He laid her down on her back on the bed and began rubbing her sopping pussy. At the height of her moans of pleasure, Naruto oriented his dick to her snatch. He tried to get it at least directed at her opening, but the hole was so tight that it kept slipping off.

"Here." Yugito said quietly, wrapping her legs around Naruto's midsection to keep him in place and grasping Naruto's rod at the hilt. Once it was where she wanted it to go, she pushed Naruto to her using her legs just he thrust forward.

The head of his cock slipped in her pussy making Yugito moan in ecstasy and pain. Naruto began licking at her neck again, hoping to draw her attention away from the pain. Ever so slowly, he began moving his hips forward and back incrementally, trying to get Yugito used to the feeling that had abandoned her for so long.

Yugito grasped Naruto by the chin and leaned forward to thrust her tongue in his mouth. Naruto moaned and momentarily forgot about his lower body as she divided his attention in two.

She pushed him back until he was on his knees and she was perpendicular to the ground.

All at one go, she fell on his turgid prick. It pierced through her vagina and hilted at the bottom in one fell swoop. She gasped at the sudden pressure and foreign feeling inside her vaginal walls.

Yugito stayed in that position for a while, thrusting her hips forwards and back in an effort to get a feel for being on top.

"Are you okay?" Naruto asked between kissed to her collar bone and neck.

"Yeah." She said quickly and without breath.

Once she was comfortable, she began rising and falling on Naruto's meat stick in small increments at first. The friction from Naruto's prick sliding in and out of her hot snatch forced her body to soon begin rising and falling with reckless abandon. Naruto gripped her ass cheeks with his palms and helped her rising and falling by pumping in at a rhythmic pace.

Yugito vocalized her pleasure through guttural moans and animalistic screams. Naruto was certain that she was so loud that her screams were waking the entire camp, if the two of them hadn't already.

She grabbed him by the cheeks and just held his head in place as he pumped into her and she fell down with slopping sounds of lovemaking. She stared into his eyes, a lusty expression on her face as Naruto did the same.

They remained in that position until the pressure inside her belly grew too great. Yugito wrapped her arms around his torso and sunk her teeth into where shoulder met neck on Naruto as she began to ride out her orgasm.

Naruto nearly yelped at the sudden pain on his neck. It drove him to greater heights, however, as he began thrusting in and out with wild abandon, any sort of rhythm and tempo gone as he pounded into her tight, eager snatch.

The Uzumaki belted out a guttural moan when he exploded into her waiting snatch. Yugito's eyes widened, then screwed themselves shut as the orgasm hit her like a bullet train. Her vaginal walls tightened and undulated, trying to coax as much cum out of Naruto as she could.

She opened her eyes halfway. Dots were obscuring her vision and she could taste blood. A little bit shocked at that fact, she pulled her mouth from his neck with a little difficulty. At some point during the night, her incisors had grown somewhat due to the slight influx of bijuu chakra from her system.

Naruto whimpered a little in pain and rubbed at the already healing wound.

"S-Sorry." Yugito said, barely having enough breath in her lungs to vocalize that amount of verbiage. She was only held up because gravity had deigned her to fall on Naruto's chest instead of his legs. For some reason, her legs were numb and her arms felt like they were on fire.

Was sex really that powerful? Although she didn't have a clock on her, she knew that they couldn't have been going for longer than five or six minutes, yet she felt like she had gone through one of the hardest workouts of her life.

Naruto slid down on the cot until his head was touching the pillow. Yugito managed to roll off of him and land at his side. He immediately wrapped an arm around her and pulled her naked body towards him.

They laid like that for a while, basking in the afterglow of sex.

Naruto began laughing to himself a little bit. "You know what?" Naruto asked all of the sudden.

"What?" Yugito asked, eyes beginning to droop closed.

"I forgot something." At that, Naruto propped himself on his elbow and looked down on Yugito's tired face.

"What'd you forget?" Yugito asked tiredly.

"I love you."

Yugito's eyes widened from their sleepy state and she felt a blush creep forward on her cheeks. "I-I love you too."

Naruto laughed and wrapped his arms around her, placing kissed all over her face. "I love you so much." He said. "I can't believe I forgot to say how much I love you."

Yugito began giggling and half-heartedly slapped at Naruto's chest. "Well how much do you love me?" She asked whimsically.

"I love you to the moon and back again." Naruto said. "I love you enough that I just want to keep you near and fuck you over and over again."

Yugito laughed a little too. "What if I get fat? Will you love me then? Will you fuck me then?"

Naruto leaned down and licked at her sweaty brow, tasting the salty liquid that came from the rigors of pleasure. "I'd absolutely ravish you if you got fat."

"What if I got blind?"

"I'd put a collar and leash on you, then lead you around."

"What if I get… an arm cut off?"

Naruto grinned and pulled off his civilian-use arm. "Then I'd give you a hand." He said, brushing the hair away from her eyes with the mechanical fingers.

"What if… I… die?"

Naruto's eyes widened. "Then… I'd love you for the eternity that you'd be gone from me." He said, caressing her cheeks with the backs of his knuckles.

Yugito's eyes softened. "Naruto… what are we going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

Yugito gestured wildly with her arm. "There are people out there who want us dead."

Naruto buried his face into the crook of Yugito's neck. "Then I'm just going to have to kick ass, take names, and chew bubblegum… And I'm all out of bubblegum."

Yugito chuckled a little. "That's quite the goal you have there."

Naruto balked indignantly. "I think it's a wonderful plan. Simplistic. Easy to remember. Hard to get wrong." Naruto emphasized each point with a kiss to Yugito's lips.

Yugito laughed at his points. "I guess you're right." She said, laying down again.

Naruto laid down by her side and wrapped his arms around her. "Of course I'm right. You're married to Naruto Uzumaki, the guy who's gonna be hokage someday."

Yugito closed her eyes and went to sleep with a contented smile on her face.

**AN/ Hello there boys and girls. I'm back.**

**Who'd've guessed it.**

**Just so you know, I picked an M rating from the very get-go because I always meant to have lemons in here at some point, but none of them felt right until just about now.**

**Oh, and just so we're clear, I am of the firm opinion that lemons can drastically influence and heighten the emotional bonds between characters as opposed to just being mindless sex scenes.**

**Did anything catch your fancy? If so, write about it in the reviews. I'm all ears and no fears.**

'**cept for clowns. I'm so afraid of clowns it isn't even funny.**

**Have a gentlemanly day.**

**Oh, and congrats to Eberhardt to being the first person to figure out the flower thing back at chapter 23. Or at least the first to comment about it.**


	34. the lovely conversations

Chapter 34

Temari awoke slowly that morning. The sunlight filtered through the blinds infinitesimally, only barely touching her eyelids and awakening her with a grace that she greatly appreciated considering the past three years of her life had been spent being awoken to the sound of people hurrying about in the search of other people or training grounds. Her eyelids cracked open and she began stretching her legs and back out with her arms reaching out above her head. Her bedpartner was beginning to rouse himself from slumber as well if the sounds of pleasant morning groans were of any indicator.

Naruto's arms tightened around her as he brought her snug against his nude chest. Temari almost let out a delighted purr from the feeling.

Temari was content to stay in that position for a few seconds before she unwrapped Naruto's arm from her to get up and do her morning routine. She got out of her pajamas and put on her loose-fitting Wind smock. She then tinkered around with her prosthetic, making sure everything was working like it should. After that, she clipped on some forearm and shin guards and put on some mesh sleeves and socks. Looking to the mirror above the clothing drawers, she grabbed a few hair pins and, with a practiced ease, put her hair up into her normal four ponytails.

"Come back to bed~" Naruto groaned out, his arm reaching around him in search of the Suna nin.

Temari smirked a little bit at the man and instead walked over to the blinds. She pulled them up all at once, causing the room to fill up with a pleasant morning warmth and sunlight. The sun was barely above the waves, signifying it to be early morning as well as coating the sea and archipelago in a beautiful mosaic of pinks and reds. Temari sighed in contentment and leaned against the window frame a little bit, soaking in the sight before her.

Yeah, she could get used to this.

Naruto sat up and rubbed the sleep out of this eyes. "What time is it?" He slurred out in a morning stupor.

Temari looked to the analogue clock above the bed and clicked her tongue. "5:30"

Naruto groaned out once again and slumped to the mattress with an air of defeat. "Thirty more minutes." He mumbled.

"You're a shadow clone. Just dispel."

The Naruto clone busied himself with making Temari's pillow a good spooning partner before replying. "Us shadow clones have feelings too, you know."

Temari rolled her eyes good naturedly and walked out of her room, leaving the clone of Naruto to his sleep.

The 'safehouse' that they were relocated to wasn't so much a hole in the ground as a giant mansion with sealing arrays covering almost every inch of the area, barring anyone who wasn't tuned into the seals from entering.

The small island that they were taken up on was only big enough to support around 3 trees, a small family of lemmings, and the biggest living residence Temari had ever seen, much less lived in.

A sauna. A swimming pool. A dojo. A second dojo. Seven master bedrooms each with master bathrooms and walk-in closets that went mostly unused. A giant kitchen and fully stocked pantry. An entire room filled to the brim with flat-screen TV's that took up entire walls with the newest game consoles and the best of the Land of Water's cable services hooked up to them. A room that was full wall to wall with any assortment of close-range to long-range weapons. And a trampoline room.

The thing is, no one knows how the mansion was made. Mei noted that she only found out about it after one of her forces patrolling the area, after the death of the Mizukage and subsequent return of the Village Hidden in the Mist, never reported back in. After finding out about it, she got Jiraya to figure out the sealing arrays that permeated the place and key her into it.

Some sources suggest that it was the second Mizukage who built it and that it would be some sort of private resort for the leaders to live during their downtime in peace. But others just say that Yagura made that lie up so he wouldn't be held all too responsible for the money sink that the mansion was.

Whatever the case was, Temari and her merry band of sisterwives were loving it.

She landed her butt in the dining room chair where Fu and Kurotsuchi were also sitting, just starting to munch into their delightful breakfast of cereal, toast, bacon, and waffles.

Kurotsuchi slathered two slices of toast with butter and piled bacon in between them, making a toasted bacon sandwich.

Temari sat down and poured herself some orange juice, then looked with equal parts horror and interest as the Iwa nin began shoving it in her mouth with reckless abandon.

"Should you really be doing that?" Temari asked.

Kurotsuchi slowly lowered the sandwich from her face and gave Temari a quizzical look. "What?" She asked, crumbs and pieces of half-chewed bacon flinging from her facial orifice. "I'm hungry."

"Well… yeah. But shouldn't you be more wary of what you eat now that you're pregnant?"

"I am wary." She paused to swallow the bacon and toast in her mouth. "I'm eating enough for two now."

"Oh please." Yugito said, walking into the room clad only in underwear and a certain after-intercourse-glow. "You usually eat enough for a whole family of people. And you've only been pregnant for a few weeks."

Fu got a light dusting of a blush on her cheeks. "Can you put on some clothes please?"

Yugito sat down at the table and started to go through the motions of pouring herself some cereal. "Why? We're all women here."

Fu was about to retort, but was cut off by Kurotsuchi who gave a very loud, very succinct bark of laughter. Yugito, the object of her gaze, gave an annoyed look at Kurotsuchi. "What is it?"

When neither Kurotsuchi nor Fu told Yugito what was wrong with her, she directed her quizzical and somewhat annoyed gaze to Temari.

Temari, not knowing exactly what to say, made some hand gesticulations across her chest.

Yugito looked down and huffed in amusement. She drew a finger across her upper chest and when she withdrew it, a strand of semen was dangling off it.

Yugito smirked and brought it closer to Kurotsuchi, who backed away immediately. "What's wrong?" Yugito asked. "You like bitter foods, right?"

Kurotsuchi went so far as to change seats closer to Temari in order to get away from the cat woman. "I'm not going to eat semen at the breakfast table!"

When Yugito looked to Fu, she only received a shake of the head for an answer. The Nii shrugged and wiped the seminal fluid on a nearby napkin, then proceeded back to her cereal.

Temari busied herself with her own cereal. The normal operation for the past week at the resort/mansion/safehouse was to train in the various shinobi disciplines in the late morning and afternoon, take breaks for lunch, then go to any of the extracurricular rooms before dinner and bed. Naruto wasn't exempt from this schedule, he just wasn't much of a morning person.

It was during this time that Temari found herself questioning herself. Personally, she liked to think that she could look at things with an objective point of view. For example, she knew that she was one of the most proficient wind jutsu users in the entire continent, capable to overpowering some of the most brutal and all-encompassing fire techniques, even though fire was strong against wind. She knew that she had pretty features and a good body. She didn't have a complex about her leg. In fact, she was actually kind of glad for that thing. An extra, concealable fan always on hand? That's really useful for shinobi.

But there was one thing that she just couldn't help but question about herself and not find an objective answer to. Her feelings towards her husband.

Objectively, she knew that he was a pretty good guy. Nice looks, good body, affable personality, energetic, easy to please, eager to please, an overall very good male specimen. She knew that things were weird, especially since he was romantically involved with three women at the same time; but considering there was practically always a shadow clone of him within arm's reach, it never really felt like she had to share him at all. She assumed that the feeling was synonymous even more so with Fu, Kurotsuchi, and Yugito.

Basically, she was questioning whether or not she was in love with Naruto. No, that's not right. Perhaps she was questioning what love is, or what it is defined from.

"Hey guys…" Temari started out vaguely. When she had the attention from the three lovers of Naruto Uzumaki, she slowly asked her question. "What… do you guys like about Naruto? Or, I guess why are you in love with him?"

Yugito was the first to speak up. "I love him because I when I think of a life without him, I don't think that that life would be worth living."

"But why is that? Why wouldn't that life be worth living?"

Yugito leaned back and thought for a few seconds before continuing with her train of thought. "I… love Naruto. I know that I love Naruto because I feel like I can trust him unconditionally with all my heart. I know that I love Naruto because he's one of the few people in the world who can understand who I am and what I've gone through. I know that I love Naruto because when I think of his smiling face, it always makes me smile." As she spoke, her lips curved up into a smile.

Fu was the next to speak up. "I love Naruto because I feel like I can be myself around him. He also puts up with all my shit. He's nice. He tries his hardest to support me. I don't feel like I have to… try around him. I can just do what I do and he'll still love me for it."

"He's got a big dick." Kurotsuchi said simply, going back to her second bacon sandwich of the morning. With a mouth full of bacon toast, she looked up to all their deadpanned stares with a blank expression. "What?" she asked, spittle and crumbs flinging out of her mouth.

When the staring persisted, she put up her hands in defeat and swallowed the food. "Okay, okay. I guess I love him because… he doesn't treat me special."

"He doesn't… what?" Temari asked in confusion.

"I mean…" Kurotsuchi began, floundering for words. "He doesn't treat me like the granddaughter of the Tsuchikage. He doesn't treat me like royalty… he treats me like… me. He pulls pranks on me and I pull pranks on him. When I do something stupid, he calls me stupid, then helps me undo the stupid thing I did. He just… doesn't care what I am. Why do you need to know anyway? You love him too?"

Temari furrowed her eyebrows together and looked off into the distance. "I… I don't think so. He's nice, I guess. He talks to me when I need to talk. He helps me out with my jutsu. He's there for me when I need him. But… I don't think I love him. What is love? What does love feel like?"

"Love feels like wanting to be with someone for the rest of your life. Even if they have bad points and good points, if you're willing to put up with them for eternity, then that's love," Yugito stated.

"Love feels like you're not complete without that other person," Fu said.

"Love feels like being willing to carry their child (even though you're only eighteen) if only for the fact that it'd make him happy to see his kid's face." Kurotsuchi said with a mouth full of fluffy waffle.

"…Yeah… I don't think I've got that," Temari said.

Mei walked in next, working out her kinks through a variety of morning stretches. "Mmmhhhphh. What're we talking about?" She asked, sitting down and pouring herself some orange juice.

"We were telling Temari why we're in love with Naruto," Yugito said. "And how it feels like to be in love."

Mei nodded understandingly. "Oh yeah, I've been meaning to ask you three something." Mei asked airily, still groggy because of the earliness of the hour.

Yugito quirked a brow. "Yeah?"

"What's Naruto into?"

Yugito paused for a second, mentally processing her words. "…What he's… into? Ramen, I guess. He likes ramen."

"No no no. I mean, what turns him on sexually?"

The water that was in Fu's mouth spilled onto her skirt from the sudden relaxation of her jaw. "W-W-Why do you need to know?"

"Because I want to have sex with him." Mei asked, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Y-You want to have sex with him?!" Kurotsuchi remarked loudly.

"Why are you so surprised?"

"Because… eh…" Kurotsuchi lost her train of thought, which was picked up by Fu.

"Because you're always acting like Naruto's the child you never had."

"You damn shotacon." Kurotsuchi added.

Mei looked personally affronted by such an accusation, albeit for a different reason than one would have thought. "What about Yugito? We're the same age and she's having sex with him. How am I the shotacon here?"

"Yugito is emotionally stunted. You're normal." Kurotsuchi said, crossing her arms across her chest in righteous affirmation of her correctness.

Yugito's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What do you mean by that?"

"Plus." Fu added, ignoring Yugito completely. "You act like his mom."

"I don't act like his mom."

"Yes you do." Fu stated plainly. "You make bentos for him whenever you're here and not in Kiri. When his face is dirty, you lick your finger and clean away the stuff on his face. Remember that time he had a nightmare like… two years ago? You woke yourself up to tuck him into bed."

"How do you know about that?" Mei asked, genuinely perplexed.

"Because I was with him when it happened! You scold him like he's your son. You give him heartwarming hugs when he's having a bad day. He has repeatedly likened you to a mother figure."

"Are you trying to make a point?" Mei asked dryly. "I remember that Naruto would liken Yugito to a sister figure. How is this any different?"

"It just… is." Fu finally said. "Acting like a sister is more… close to acting like a lover than a mother is."

Mei laced together her fingers and propped her head up on her slim appendages. "I'm no less married to him than you are. What I want to do with him is of his concern, not yours."

"I'm fucking pregnant with his kid." Fu said, getting passionate. "What you do with him _is_ of my complete concern."

"If you mean to imply that I want to have sex with him in order to get pregnant, then you can rest assured that I will use all the protection available to me."

"It's not that, it's just… why do you want to have sex with him?"

"Well… it has been a rather long time since I last achieved coitus."

"So you just want to have sex with him because you're horny? No. I refuse."

"Whether or not you refuse is none of my concern." Mei said coldly. "And it's rather presumptuous of you to think that I only want to have sex with him because I'm horny. I care for Naruto. I really do!"

Fu crossed her arms over her chest. "Sexual intercourse is a show of physical affection that symbolizes the love one party feels to another. If you only _care_ for him, then you have no right to _achieve coitus_ with him."

"What're you guys talking about?"

All sets of eyes went to a very confused and very naked female Naruto clone who was standing there looking like a newborn in the world.

"N-Naruto?" Mei said, a rosy blush beginning to paint he cheeks a red. "I didn't want you to find out this-"

"I'm not Naruto." The clone interrupted. She gestured to her eyes, which had slit pupils and red irises. "I'm Kurama."

All five at the table looked taken aback by this new information. "Kurama?" Yugito asked. "So does this mean that you're female now?"

The clone shrugged. "I don't know. Truth be told, I don't really feel all that comfortable when I'm in human form. I prefer having four legs. But I guess that I like being a female more when I'm a human. They're more… lithe. Dexterous. Like a fox."

Yugito's eyebrows furrowed. "But… that's just a transformation. You shouldn't be more or less agile than Naruto is with it on."

The fox lady shrugged once more. "Placebo effect? Don't know. Don't care." Kurama clumsily sat down in a chair and reached for the toast pile. Watching her eat was completely and irrevocably fun to watch. Constructs of chakra don't usually have to eat, but having no snout at all was having a rather harmful effect on her coordination with putting food into her mouth. After a few bites and a cleared throat, she finally looked up and addressed all five of the wives. "So what were you guys talking about?"

00000000

"Mmhmm." Kurama said, clicking her tongue. A rather fun thing to do now that she had the anatomy for it she found out. "You." She said, pointing to Fu. "Need to understand that sex is sometimes just sex. Itching a scratch. Receiving pleasure from a welcome source. And you." She said, pointing to Mei. "If you think that Naruto's going to have sex with you just because you ask nicely, you've another thing coming. He takes sex _alarmingly_ seriously."

"How would you know?" Kurotsuchi asked. "You're a construct of chakra. Have you even had sex before?"

"That's beside the point. It doesn't matter if I've had sex because I know Naruto pretty well by now. He just won't shut the fuck up about you guys." Kurama finished the last part in an exasperated tone of voice. "Honestly, he's talked by ear off so many times the past three years about so much inane shit."

"Like what?" Temari asked.

Kurama waved away the thought in a dismissive manner. "You know, the yuzh. Insecurities about his physical appearance and personality. The fear that he'll eventually let you all down as you descent into jealously and madness. The insane S-ranked criminals after yours truly in his gut. How lucky he is to have you all to support him. Thoughts on how sex feels when you're with someone you love. The boring stuff."

All eyes, sans the fox construct, were wide with surprise and concern.

Mei looked down to the table and sighed quietly. "Fu, Kurotsuchi, Yugito… I truly do love Naruto. I never would have made it this far if I didn't. I am going to pursue him whether you like it or not, but it would make me feel better to have your blessing."

Yugito went back to her soggy cereal with a flippant "Sure," tossed Mei's way.

Kurotsuchi gave Mei a long, hard look. "S'long as Naruto's okay with it, I can't really say no."

Fu averted her eyes downwards, a little ashamed at her angry outburst only minutes prior. "If you really love him, then I have no say over what you two do, or how you two feel."

Mei smiled happily.

The five of them passed the morning away with idle conversation before going off to their various pursuits. Temari, however, felt left out somehow.

As a character trait, she never spoke up too often when the people around her were engaged in conversation. Unless she was addressed forwardly, had something direly pressing to say, or just couldn't pass up the opportunity to throw an off-the-cuff sarcastic remark, she didn't really see the reason to speak up.

That went great for her up until that particular point. She liked these women that surrounded her. Being in close proximity with them for nigh on three years would lend to the prospect that she'd get to know them on a very friendly basis. But something didn't feel right for her at that particular moment in time, on that particular morning, in that particular mansion.

She was… the odd one out. Fu, Kurotsuchi, Mei, Yugito, maybe even Kurama, Chomei, and Matatabi. They were all in love, or at least on very intimate terms with Naruto. Most of them were all having sex with him. Two of them were pregnant. Two of them were vastly overage for a healthy relationship. Three of them weren't even human. Yet… that didn't stop them from loving him; from being loved by him.

Temari remembered fondly when they were all just figuring out how to tolerate each other's presence. When Kurotsuchi was screaming over her dyed clothes. When Yugito was still detached and almost like a robot. When Fu was that quiet awkward girl. When Mei was that weird flirty woman.

But all of them had changed for what seemed to be the better.

Temari felt like she hadn't changed much at all.

Temari stayed behind the five leaving women to do the dishes that were piling up because no one really knew how to clean all that well. She needed some time to think after all.

She didn't receive any.

A presence made itself known to her when it began to do the dishes beside her with a quiet compassion. "Mornin' Temari." Naruto said with a grin, greeting the lightly confused sand mistress.

Temari stopped what she was doing to stare at the Uzumaki beside her. "Are you the real one?" She asked suddenly.

He stopped what he was doing as well to stare up at the ceiling with an inquisitive look upon his brow. "I… think so. It's getting kind of hard to remember when there are so many of us running around all the time." With saying that, he returned back to the dishes. "Why do you need to know anyway? The original and the shadow clones are the same person anyway."

Temari nodded to herself and went back to help Naruto with the dishes. Eventually they got into a good rhythm with him washing off all the left-over food stuffs while she dried off the plates and silverware and put them away. She couldn't help but sometimes stare at his face in thought. On an objective standpoint, she knew that everything that he did and everything that happened to him was completely irrational and strange. How was he able to love four women at once? How are they okay with that?

"Hey Naruto?"

"Hn?"

"Have you ever been in a threesome before?"

Naruto very nearly broke the plate he was cleaning off before turning and giving her an astonished look. When he only received an upturned eyebrow for all his shock, he turned back to the dishes, a blush beginning to form on his face. "O-Once or twice…" he said vaguely.

"Is that once or twice, meaning that you're embarrassed to brag about your sexual exploits; or once or twice, meaning that you have had a few, but had unpleasant memories of it?"

"The second one." Naruto said quietly. "Why do you want to know anyway?"

Temari shrugged. "I don't know. I'm curious. So why don't you four always have wild orgies with each other?"

Naruto's eyebrows furrowed. "Four?"

"Err- three, sorry."

"Because, uhh… they're straight, I guess."

"So even though they both love you, they don't want to have sex with you at the same time with each other?"

"I-I guess."

Temari made an enlightened 'hmm'ing sound and went back to drying off the dishes for all of five seconds before she had to speak up again. "Why do you sleep with me?"

Naruto gave her a weird look. "Because you ask me to."

"No, I mean, you're in love with three women. And you're usually having sex with them?"

The blush on his face was growing larger. "Yeah."

"So why do they let you share a bed with another woman… who isn't a part of your harem?"

"Okay, first of all: don't call them my harem. It's weird. Second of all… I don't know. I'll have to ask them at some time."

Temari clicked her tongue and went back to the dishes. Without creating any kind of eye contact, or disrupting her activities in any sort of way, she asked a very simple question. "What does love feel like?"

"That's a good question." Naruto said immediately, handing off another plate to the Sabaku.

Temari waited a few beats for him to answer. When no answer came, she gave him a questioning look.

"Can't describe it." Naruto said simply, handing her another dish.

"Do your best."

Naruto gave out a long, drawn out sigh and stared at the dish in his hands for a few seconds. There was yellow melted butter, white bacon grease, and had crumbs of toast sprinkled all over it. "This is Kurotsuchi's." It wasn't a question. It was a statement of fact, one that was correct.

Temari nodded, confirming his statement.

Naruto ran the surface of the plate under the streaming water and scrubbed away the leftover food. The next plate he held up next was sticky with the syrupy juice of pineapples and melons. "This is Fu's."

Temari nodded, confirming his statement.

Naruto picked up a bowl that was encrusted with cereal on the sides. "This is Yugito's."

Temari nodded, confirming his statement.

Naruto picked up a glass of orange juice. There was navy blue lipstick stains on the brim. "This is Mei's."

Temari nodded, confirming his statement.

Naruto picked up a second glass of orange juice. This one was still half-full of the orange liquid. Naruto quirked a brow. "This one's yours."

Temari nodded, confirming his statement.

Naruto tapped his fingernail against one of the dishes rhythmically. Even as he began speaking, it looked like he was figuring out what he was trying to say. "You see, Kurotsuchi really likes things that are high in fat and protein, but just can't stand to eat them alone like that. A buttered up bacon sandwich sounds just like the thing she'd eat. Fu eats anything that might have come from the wilderness. Greens, fruits, cut meats, those kinds of things. Yugito never remembers to clean off the sides of the bowl of the cereal. It's a pain too, because if it's let alone too long, they're like cement and are just a pain to get off. Mei doesn't eat much because she's got something wrong with her metabolism. So she's got a complex about how her body looks. A glass of orange juice is enough of a breakfast in her eyes to start the day." Naruto paused to make eye contact with Temari. "And I know that the orange juice belonged to you, because when you're troubled, you don't have an appetite. You see, love is like understanding. When you can say that you're happy with that other person even when they're doing something annoying, or wrong, or stupid, or mean… when you can say that you enjoy being with that person as the sum of what they are, not what they look like, not what they have done, not what they do, but all the good and bad things that come together to make that person; then you can say you're in love. I guess you could say that's what I call love."

Temari stopped wiping off the dishes on her pile and just contemplated the gravity of his words for a few seconds. "So… does this mean that you love me?"

Naruto's face softened. "That's another hard question. You see, I really like you. You're someone that I can talk to and you won't feed me anything that I want to hear or what I need to hear. You just tell me what _you_ think of the situation. You don't try to sugarcoat it, you don't try to make me feel better, you're just apathetic to me and my trivial pursuits."

A small blush of embarrassment formed on her cheeks. "Is that supposed to make me feel better or something?"

"It is. You have no idea how much it helps to hear what you think. No filter or anything. It gives… perspective. The thing that I'm trying to say is, I'm really grateful to have you around. So do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"I… just… when I was at the breakfast table with everyone else, I felt left out somehow. They were all so happy in a way that I couldn't understand. In a way that I can't understand. They all love you so much and I don't. It feels like I'm being left out. Like I'm missing out on what it feels like to love someone. I don't know. I kind of really want to love you, but when I look at your face, my lips don't curve up into a smile. When I think of a future that you're dead and not around anymore… sure I'd be sad, but I'd get over it. When I think of an eventuality when I get pregnant, I don't think I would happy at all."

Naruto's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Huh. I didn't think you were like that."

Realizing the extent and meaning of what she said, a bright blush engulfed her face and she looked away. "I… I mean…"

"You know." Naruto said. "When I think of you, I always think of someone who doesn't really care about other people. Not in a bad way or anything, just that you don't let people influence what you do. If you don't love me, then you don't love me. It really is that simple."

Temari sighed at the plates. She picked up her washcloth and got back to work. Almost all the plates were gone and put away by now. "It doesn't feel that simple." She mumbled out, just within hearing of the blonde.

"Nothing ever is." He said cheekily.

00000000

Omake 1

"Hey Naruto, I was won-" Temari paused in the, now open, doorway and looked inside at what was happening with a somewhat tired expression.

Inside, the only thing that illuminated the bedroom were candles that were dripping wax off their perches and onto the ground. They must've been lit for a very long time for them to have dripped to that stage.

Naruto was wearing a black leather trench coat, a very evil looking black leather hat, and black leather underpants. In his hands was a black riding crop and he was positioned just in front of Fu.

Fu was chained up to the point where there was no part of her even touching the ground. Her eyes were concealed by a piece of black cloth and her mouth had a red ball mouth gag inside it, only allowing her the barest ability to create sounds and grunts. There were stripes of angry red marks all over her body, except for her lower abdomen. That was mysteriously devoid of any pain indicators. Her back was coated in what looked like lavender candle wax and her lower legs were slick with excitement and semen.

Naruto paused in what he was doing and turned to face Temari with wide eyes. "For the record, this was all her idea." He said quickly, not even bothering to cover Fu's nude and abused form from Temari's eyes. Fu looked around wildly and eventually focused her attention to where Temari was, where she directed a series of inarticulate grunts and sounds.

"I'll… go ask another Naruto…" Temari backed out of the room slowly and closed the door until there was a click.

Omake 2

"Hey Naruto, I was won-" Temari paused in the, now open, doorway and looked inside at what was happening with a somewhat tired expression.

Inside the well lit room, there were rose petals coating the floors and incense sticks burning slowly, giving off a very pleasant aroma.

Naruto was sat on the bed wearing nothing but a pure white, loose fitting pair of silk pants. He was in a pose that accentuated his musculature and handsome features. Before she opened the door without knocking, Naruto was wearing a commanding and domineering look of superiority.

His hand had been directed to Kurotsuchi, who was wearing a French maid outfit. The thing was low cut and accentuated her small breasts. She was wearing very showy and colorful makeup. It was poorly applied, showing just how little she ever put on makeup.

In her hands was a tray that had strawberries, cream, and a large silver spoon balanced on top of it.

Naruto's eyes softened went from a dominating master to a concerned and embarrassed Uzumaki. "For the record, this was all her idea."

"I'll… go ask another Naruto…" Temari backed out of the room slowly and closed the door until there was a click before Kurotsuchi could speak to defend herself and her kink.

Omake 3

"Hey Naruto, I was won-" Temari paused in the, now open, doorway and looked inside at what was happening with a somewhat tired expression.

The only thing that illuminated the room was the ambient light from the doorway that Temari just opened. That light was enough for Temari to distinguish the fact that the male in the room was wearing a full furry suit complete with nine tails and a big, air restricting head piece that looked strikingly similar to a certain chakra construct.

The female in the room was coated in a blue chakra flame. Her eyes were cat-like, but not calico. Her body structure was identical to that of an actual feline, complete with hind legs and an elongated snout.

She was bent forward on her hands and knees and was connected to Naruto at the pelvis, where Temari assumed his dick was still buried. Both of their eyes bored into hers as they stopped their movements to address the interruption.

Naruto pulled off the head with a little difficulty to look at Temari. Not even bothering to cover his modesty at that point. "For the record, this was all her idea." He said before pulling the head back on. The two tails that were attached to Yugito wrapped around his thighs and abdomen. They began moving him back and forth, creating a feign-thrust where she was doing all the work.

"I'll… just go to bed now…" Temari backed out of the room slowly and closed the door until there was a click. Soon enough, there were animalistic howls coming from the other side of the door.

Temari shook her head and headed back to her bedroom.

Honestly, what was wrong with those three?

**AN/ Hey y'all. Gent's here. Sorry for the delay. Things be happening in my life.**

**Anyway, I wanted to explore Temari a bit more, so this chapter's here now. **

**Have a gentlemanly day.**


	35. the prolonging of the inevitable

Chapter 35

"SASUKE!"

From above looking down, the dark haired Uchiha had a smirk tugging on his face. His wardrobe had changed drastically during the three year interval since he and Naruto interacted. He was wearing a flowy white robe with blue open pants and a purple belt holding his sword hilt to his person.

Naruto was ragged. Cuts and burns coated his body. His prosthetic was hanging limply on his shoulder, sparking out electricity every now and then. To his side, Sai and Sakura were looking up at the Uchiha with widened and surprised eyes.

The Uzumaki took out the Nuibari with his able arm and unwrapped it from the cloth that surrounded it. He pointed it at the Uchiha. "I'm taking you back to Konoha even if I have to break your arms and legs to do it." Naruto rasped out.

One second Sasuke was there, the next, he was in front of Naruto, within his guard even. "Stop chasing after me." Sasuke whispered in his ear as he slowly and languidly unsheathed the sword from its hilt. In one fluid motion, he brought the sword around and stabbed Naruto in the back.

All through it, Naruto didn't move. He couldn't. He was too shocked at seeing his friend and rival. And with the sudden lethal hit to an exposed vital point, Naruto was sent within his mind and face to face with the Kyuubi.

She quirked a brow at the sight of Naruto's dumbfounded face. "There's a screw loose in your head, you know that?"

Naruto didn't respond.

Kurama, who had taken female human form for the time being, sighed in exasperation. "You two have probably the weirdest relationship I have ever seen in my existence. And I'm talking to the guy with five wives." She skipped a beat to see if he was going to answer. When he didn't, she continued. "So what is it now? Need some more of my power? You already took a bunch when you flipped out at Orochimaru. I'm sure there's still enough for you to go apeshit, but I'd much rather you just leave and come back for him another time. If you're just going to stand there and wait for him to stab you, then you'd be better off just playing dead for now."

Naruto reached a hand out and let it fall on her bare shoulder. "Please." He whispered. "I need to get him back... I need the power to get him back."

Kurama clicked her tongue and shot a look to the side in surprise. Standing right next to Naruto in his mindscape was the Uchiha in question, giving Kurama an appraising look. She looked like a female clone of Naruto with the exception of five furry tails slowly flowing back and forth behind her. Her vulpine eyes dilated and gave Sasuke a glare that spoke of death and pain. "If it isn't the asshole in question…"

Naruto was shocked into silence at the sudden appearance of his childhood friend and rival. "So this is where you get your power from Naruto." Sasuke said lowly. "The nine tailed fox, I presume."

"You better leave here now, or suffer death by sudden debilitating retardation." She said menacingly. "Your chakra reeks of Uchiha, the most malignant and horrible smelling of the bunch even. Just like Madara Uchiha."

Sasuke smiled a viscous, predatory smile. "Like I even know who that is."

00000000

1 day later.

Naruto sighed into the hot water that surrounded him. It felt so good on his aching muscles that were in the process of being mended and knit back together by a very uppity vixen. He sunk all the way to his nose in the water and let the steam and minerals sweat all the toxins out of his body.

He was still stinging from the punch to the gut that he received from Kurotsuchi when she heard about how he was injured. And he felt sorry for Sakura, who had to explain to Fu why, for just about the fourth time in a row, why she was unable to accompany team Kakashi to find the Uchiha.

It was a very emotional, on-edge time in the mansion/resort/safehouse for Naruto and his wives. Some more so than others. Yugito, for example, just bonked him on the head for being so sentimental that it caused a major injury. Later, she went on hold him tight, telling him that it was okay to be sentimental sometimes, especially to the ones that you love and proceeded to have rough, angry sex with him.

Apparently, she was making up for all the lost time she could have been having sex by ravishing him every chance she got, but still wanted him to feel like he done fucked up by letting his and Sasuke's past relationship almost kill him.

Not that he was complaining.

Kurotsuchi punched him in the gut and went on a tirade about how she was never going to let him leave the house again and risk him dying and having her child grow up without a father.

Fu decided that it was Sakura's and Sai's fault for convincing him to go on the mission.

And Mei… actually, he hadn't heard from her in a while.

Just as he was thinking about that, he heard some splashing come from the opposite side of the large springs, signifying Mei's entrance to the hot water.

"Hello Naruto-kun." She said with a happy smile on her face. Gone was any makeup, which was rather unnatural for her, though not unpleasant. She had a good face when she wasn't wearing anything, and when she let her hair down from its topknot, it flowed in a nice, wild fashion.

Naruto smiled at his pseudo-mother figure. "Hey Mei…"

She lifted an eyebrow as she got into a more comfortable position. "Is there something you'd like to say?"

Naruto scratched at his elbow, not meeting her gaze. "Well… it's just… you're not going to, like, hurt me, or anything, right?" he asked in between pauses.

Mei's half-lidded eyes swiveled to him and his nude body being distorted all across the water. "You made a judgment call which didn't work out in the end. It was kind of stupid, but a lot things are in hindsight. I'm not going to punish you for something you've already been punished for."

Naruto gave her an innocent smile. "Thanks Mei… how do you have the time to be here for as long as you always do anyway? You are a kage after all."

Mei smiled grandly at him. "Being kage in peacetime just means a lot of paperwork and putting up with some form of bullshit or another. Besides, Ao seems rather happy most of the time there."

Naruto nodded appraisingly.

"…And besides, I can't… bear to be away from you for so long." Mei said quietly.

Naruto blushed in embarrassment even through the red that the heat was imparting on his face. He chuckled nervously. "Thanks Mei, that really means a lot to me."

The Mizukage in question began drifting over to where Naruto was relaxing with an out of character demure expression on her face. "Uhm, err… listen Naruto." She said unsurely.

Naruto did a hard gulp. He could remember only three times when someone acted the way Mei was acting. Those three times were when Kurotsuchi, Fu, and Yugito (after the whole ordeal with him dying) all confessed to him.

"Uhm… listen. You know I love you right?"

Naruto smiled widely. "Of course. I love you too."

Mei came to a stop mere inches away from physically touching him. "Okay, but… what do you mean by that?"

Naruto seemed confused. "E-Ehh. What?"

"When you say you love me… what kind of love do you feel for me?"

"W-Well." Naruto said bashfully. "You're always taking care of me, scolding me when I do wrong, you always want only the best for me… I guess I love you like a mom. I-I don't know what it's really like having a mom, since I'm an orphan. But when I'm around you, I just feel a warmth that's hard to describe."

Mei's face faltered for a second. "What's it like, this warmth?"

"Like… being comfortable. Like being around someone that you've known since you were little and aren't very worried with how they think of you."

"Oh…" Mei said quietly. She inched forward slowly and drew her hand up and down his thigh. Naruto shivered at the contact and tried to get away, but Mei's other hand shot forward and cupped his chin. "Because… I don't love you like a son. I love you… I love you so much…" Mei practically whispered that last part as she edged closer and closer to his lips.

"M-Mei…" Naruto whispered unsurely. "I-I don't-"

Mei Terumi made a light shushing sound with her lips. "Even if you don't love me like that." She said almost inaudibly. "Please, just give me this. Just this once." After saying that, she slowly touched her lips to his.

Naruto was still reticent to her intimate ministrations, but made no attempt to stop her. She deepened the kiss, making it more savage, hungrier. Naruto began to lean into the kiss as well. She wrapped her slender arms around his neck and sloshed through the water until she was sitting on his thighs with knees on either side of him.

The force of the kiss deepened so much that Naruto felt the hard edge of the hotspring painfully press against his back. Carefully, as if he was afraid of offending her, he wrapped his arms around her back and pushed back harder and harder until he was in a comfortable position. Because of the height that she had on him, she had to crane her neck and arch her back a little to continue sloppily trading spit with him.

She paused for a second to catch her breath. She was not only breathing heavily, but also erratically, taking in great heaves of air sometimes, others were just gasps of breath. Naruto looked to her face. It was red from the adrenaline and heat and was beaded with dripping sweat, only… it wasn't only sweat dripping from her face. Tears were also freely flowing from her tear ducts.

Naruto took her cheek in one of his hands and brought her face level with his. Her eyes were forced to make contact with his. His questioning and confused gaze was enough a stimulant for a response from her.

"I… when I heard that you almost died, I got sad." She said simply. "The- The reason I got sad was because you would have died without knowing how much I loved you. Please… please don't ever die on me, okay?"

Naruto wrapped his arms around her and pressed her torso against his in a most loving manner as he could manage. "Mei… I-I don't know how what I'm feeling right now. I'm… conflicted on the inside, I guess. But there's one thing you can know for fact. I'm never going to leave you. I'm not going to leave you or anyone else. Not until I become Hokage."

Mei gasped in happiness in his ear. She remained happy in that embrace until her breathing calmed down and the tears stopped spilling over into the water.

She reached a hand down into the water and felt around his groin until she grasped his quickly hardening member. Naruto gasped at the sudden contact and leaned into her a little bit. He hadn't been expecting such a forward advance after such a heartfelt confession of grief and pain. "D-Don't you think we should slow down a bit?" Naruto asked quietly.

Mei nibbled on his ear affectionately. "I've been going at a crawl for three years now. I'm going to run now, and there's nothing you can do to stop me." She replied in a sultry manner.

Her slender fingers took his shaft and began to pump up and down, getting to the point of maximum hardness. When she felt it reach to the point where steel could bend around it, she raised herself up, unintentionally shoving Naruto's face into the valley of her breasts, and lowered herself slowly until the head pressed against her vaginal opening.

She gasped and grunted, trying to get the head in. Finally, after much internal deliberation, she rose and fell with all her weight on his prick going into her vagina. Once the initial penetration happened, his dick sunk rapidly into her all the way up to the hilt. Mei gasped in pleasure and satisfaction.

Naruto sunk his fingers into her plump ass cheeks and lifted her hips up, only to ram them back down on his member. Mei gasped again, surprised at his forwardness. She had been fully expecting to be the one to lead the entire ordeal and was quite happy with the fact that Naruto was participating in it too.

He lifted her up and down repeated until she began to flex her quadriceps and assist him, allowing for harder, deeper thrusts in her. Naruto suckled and nipped at her collarbone and neck, creating lovebites wherever and whenever he pleased. Her moans and groans were quiet, but completely and irrevocably earnest. Completely unlike the loud mewling that Yugito did, or the screaming in pleasure that Kurotsuchi did, or the screaming in… something that Fu did. It was a nice experience being with her, even with his feelings and heart doing summersaults in his body. Eventually, he just cut that part of him off for the time being and just enjoyed being with Mei.

"I'm- I'm- I'm…" She moaned in his soft, damp hair. "I think I'm…"

Naruto felt her constrict around his dick tightly and felt her inner muscles undulate rapidly. Around his dick, he could feel liquid flowing out of her vagina. It was weird having sex in a hotsprings because he was already covered and surrounded by water, so it was hard to feel the sticky love liquid that always came with rough sex. Either way, she stopped moving to ride out her orgasm. It was being prolonged by the fact that Naruto hadn't ceased pumping her up and down his cock, allowing him to get to higher and higher points of pleasure.

In a fit of reckless love, he leaned forward and clamped his jaw on her collarbone as he began to spew thick cum inside her uterus. His muscles went wild and his arms forwent the larger movements to make way for the faster ones. He could taste salty blood intermixed with salty sweat from the puncture wounds he just created on her. He could see why Yugito liked it. It tasted great. Like his taste buds could feel the passion that Mei felt for him in her blood.

As their orgasms wound down, they stopped to catch their breaths as they leaned against each other for support. Realizing that he might have drastically injured his bedpartner, he began to panic a little bit until Mei's hands lit up a green chakra aura from them and began to caress her bitten shoulder. "I uhh… I learned some medical ninjutsu a while ago. Nothing too cool. Just the kind of thing that can take care of cuts." She explained a bit too in detail.

"Well that's good. I thought I might have really hurt you." Naruto said with a smile.

"Oh, you did." She said huskily in her ear. At an impulse, she leaned forward and latched onto Naruto's ear in a less than gentle manner. Naruto winced and groaned in pain as she began to grind her teeth together in order to heighten his senses of pain. Finally, she unlatched and took his face in her hands. "And it felt great." With that, she leaned forward and began kissing Naruto gently and with passion.

He cupped his arm under her butt and lifted her from the warm water. The blond teetered a little bit as her entire body weight rested on his waist, but he managed to hold on and straighten himself out. He took her out of the water and laid her down on the polished granite that made up the outside walkway of the springs. "Oh you naughty little boy." Mei said vocally, beginning to grind her hips into Naruto's pelvis.

"You perverted old woman." Naruto said in a low voice as he began to lazily pump in and out of her vagina, suckling at her large breasts and rubbing his hands up and down her stomach and thighs.

With a smirk on her face, Mei pushed Naruto and, with his penis still firmly within her vagina, flipped over until her was on her hands and knees. "I may be a proponent of gentle sex, but I'm not really in the mood for that now. Fuck me!" She ordered in her kage voice.

Naruto readily obeyed by launching his hips forward and punching as far as he could go into her vagina. Mei moaned as she felt her body rock forward from the shock. Naruto leaned down and grabbed her dangling breasts to squeeze and caress them as he repeatedly rocked his body forward and back, causing ripples of body tissue to appear every time he impacted her soft ass. Mei grunted softly every time she felt the friction of his dick slide forward and hit its limit within her.

Naruto kissed and licked the back of her neck, bringing multiple sensations of pleasure break out all across her body. Acting on pure body reflex, he straightened up and let one of his hands fly downward and impact her supple asscheek. Mei's breath hitched at the sudden ass slap. She made no vocalizations against such displays of physical affection, to which Naruto took as permission to continue.

Every slap against her ass almost reverberated throughout the entire springs. With every impact, her lower muscles tightened more and more until Naruto had difficulty moving inside her. With glowing red cheeks, both on her face and on her butt, she grunted and moaned against the air flowing into her lungs. Naruto's thrusts went wild, hitting deeper and deeper, sacrificing speed for power.

Mei's arms gave out from under her as another orgasm hit her being. She landed on her palms, preventing her face from smacking the rock by mere centimeters. A wet warmth began filling her vagina and spilling out onto the slick floor below. She looked behind her to see Naruto hilted as far as her vagina would allow with a look of rapture upon his face.

Naruto pulled out and landed on his butt, his overtaxed cock beginning to wilt immediately and pushing out all the cum that was still locked within his urethra. He leaned back and began refilling his lungs with as much air as they could take. Though it was hard to actually regain his breath from the hot, moist hotsprings air.

It was at that precise moment that Naruto remembered that he and Mei were directly situated in front of the sliding doors. It was also at that precise moment that they sliding doors opened to Temari, who had a towel around her body. She stopped and took in the scene of Mei, with ruby red ass cheeks and cum leaking out of her abused pussy, and a semi-recumbent Naruto in a state of taxation. Considering she was so used to accidentally walking in on him, he only gave her a small wave and a quirk of the lips. "Hey Temari." He said. "Might want to drain the springs before going in. Can't promise it'll be clean."

Temari sighed into the palm that wasn't holding the towel closed around her body. "Could you at least put up an 'occupied for sexual reasons' behind the doors that you'll be fucking?"

Naruto shrugged. "Would you believe me if I told you that they're the ones who ask for sex most of the time?"

She deadpanned. "Somehow I would. Is the other pool clean, or have you just been hosing the house down with semen when I'm not looking?"

"Don't tempt me." Naruto muttered as he got up from the floor. The smaller pool next to the larger one was devoid of any seminal fluids, so he hopped in that one while a clone of himself took the slightly out of it Mei back to her room.

Temari hesitated getting into the pool with Naruto for a second. He gestured his arm over to where he was back to relaxing at with an aloof expression on his face. "Come on, you've seen me in more compromising positions than this one." He said lazily.

Grudgingly admitting to that fact, she undid the towel from her body while Naruto looked away and got into the springs as quickly as she could. Taking a small towel and wetting it in the waters, she laid it rest on her forehead as her head tipped back, prepared to relax to the fullest extent possible.

That damn curiosity wouldn't let her though.

"So does this mean harem member number four?" She asked the exhausted Naruto.

"Last I checked, I had five members of my harem."

"Five wives maybe. Four harem members."

Naruto 'ahh'ed at that. "I really don't get it." He mumbled.

Temari grunted in response, asking him what he didn't get.

He leaned back and breathed in the good smell of hotspring minerals. "You know, way back, I had this humongous crush on Sakura."

"Your teammate?"

"Yeah, her. She wouldn't give me the time of day though. Don't get me wrong, I still like her and she's a great person and all… it's just… it's kind of hard to remember when it turned away from every girl hating me and finding me annoying, to four women, women capable of advanced reasoning and are very cognizant mind you, wanting to spend the rest of their lives with me. Together."

"There was no turning point. You're still annoying."

Naruto laughed heartedly at that. "Hehe, I guess you're right. I'm stubborn, prone to throwing my life in danger for reasons other people don't understand, melancholic, sentimental, way too trusting… I still don't get it."

Temari creaked an eye open to see what he looked like. He seemed to be… reminiscing. A curious facial expression for a person of the ripe age of sixteen years old. "Well there are those, but you're stubborn, prone to throwing your life in danger for reasons other people don't understand, melancholic, sentimental, way too trusting… but I get why they love you."

"… I don't think I understand what you're saying."

"I don't think you understand what you're saying. Sure, those are bad attributes, but they're also good ones. If taken in the right context. The only reason they love you, is because they've been around you too long. Your personality is infectious. It just brings out the best in people."

One of his eyebrows rose in surprise. "Infectious you say."

"Indeed I say. You're a curious person Naruto. But I also have to say that there would be no possible way your little harem experience would work if you didn't have shadow clones."

"Here here."

They stewed in silence a bit more. Naruto was the one who broke the silence this time. "Does Mei… really love me like that?"

Temari hummed an affirmative. "Do you _not_ love her like that?"

Naruto searched for the correct words to express his feelings. "I've loved her for a few years now, but I've never been _in love_ with her."

"And yet, what's that I see over there?" Temari asked airily. "Is that… a puddle of semen and vagina juices mere feet away?"

"Vagina juices?"

"I don't know what female ejaculate is called. The fact is, you love her, but you're not in love with her; and you also fucked her, pretty brutally might I add."

"It wasn't brutal. It was rough. There's a difference."

"Based on perspective, differences vary. Anyway, why did you fuck her if you don't like her like that?"

"Because… she didn't look like her normal self. She looked vulnerable for the first time in… ever. Even when she was healing from having a tree dropped on her, she had this… _aura_ of confidence and maturity. When she approached me, she looked like a scared little girl. I did what I did because… I was scared of disappointing her."

"This conversation just went from creepy to super creepy."

"Well aren't you cheeky today?" Naruto said in a bad British accent.

"Indeed I am, I am good sir." She said in a very accurate British accent.

Naruto had to laugh at that, to which Temari decided to join in as well. Once it winded down, Temari got pensive and a little bit unnaturally quiet. She eventually asked the question that she assumed would be weighing heavily on his mind.

"Hey Naruto… you know, if you want to talk about Sasuke…" Temari trailed off at the end.

"What's there to talk about?" He asked nonchalantly.

"There's the fact that he tried to kill you even after three years away from you. The fact that you failed to bring him home. The fact that Kurotsuchi and Fu are worrying themselves to death about this and raising their stress levels, which can't be good for your unborn children. I could go on. You know, it isn't a big turn on when guys aren't able to talk about their feelings."

Naruto raised a hand. "First off." He said, putting up a single finger. "I thought you didn't hold any feelings for me. Why should I care if this or isn't a turn on?"

She shrugged. "Figure of speech."

"Second off." He said, raising a second finger in addition to the first. "I think we just talked about some pretty emotion heavy stuff with Mei. I'm not reticent about talking about my feelings."

"Do you even know what reticent means?"

"…Could've sworn I was using it right."

"You were. Just looking for a definition."

"Cheeky. Reticent means… unwilling or incapable."

"Right. Go on."

"Third." He said, raising the third finger of the evening. "I'm not going to give up on him because I'm his friend. I know for a fact that I could take him on if I hadn't been tired from fighting Orochimaru and _I am_ going to bring him back to Konoha. Because the bonds we share-"

"Are the most important things to you. They were made when you were young and you had some innate feeling of connection between him and you, as if he knew exactly what you were feeling. The fact that someone else knew and felt what you knew and felt is something that can never be forgotten. You will always chase after him because if you break your bonds with someone that did something you didn't like, that gives you the ability to throw away the bonds of other people when they do things you don't like. Yadda yadda yadda. You've talked to me about this before. You've talked to _everyone_ about this before and they all agree that you should chase after your friend. The first person to ever validate your existence."

"Then you know how I feel."

"I know that you are capable of creating quite the sophism. Look, everyone that you meet has the capacity to hurt you. Everyone has the capacity to make you feel like shit. And everyone has the chance for redemption, I'm not saying they don't."

"Then what are you saying?"

"What I'm saying is, if Sasuke Uchiha put a knife to Kurotsuchi's abdomen and threatened to kill your kid, and the only thing that could stop him would be to kill him, what would you do?"

"I'd… protect my child at all costs, as is the right as a father."

"Because he did something that you didn't like, you're going to cut your bonds with each other and kill him. Your logic is flawed."

"Your logic is flawed." Naruto pointed out. "If, at any point, Sasuke even threatened to kill my child, then the Sasuke I knew would have died a very long time ago. But… you weren't there when I met up with him. He was the same fucking arrogant asshole that just wanted to prove how much more powerful he was than me. He might be a bit more dickish, but he's still him. He wouldn't do anything out of his way in the pursuit to get to his brother so they can measure their dicks for all I know. He's got a one track mind and I'm going to direct it back to Konoha."

Temari did a sort of half-smile. "You're always an optimist aren't you?"

"I like to think I'm a realist."

To that, Temari laughed well and heartedly.

**AN/ Shorter chapter I know. I didn't feel like padding the Sasuke scene, or adding the Orochimaru fight scene, or adding the 'Naruto meets Sai' scene, or… doing much else other than the important. That's kinda my writing style, I'm coming to find. The most important thing in this story is Naruto and his interactions with the people around him. Not the fight scenes. Not the scenes that might have been really similar in established canon… the things that, if they were summarized, something would be lost in that little ecosphere.**

**But that might just be me.**

**By the way, lemons are still uncharted ground for me. How did I do?**

**Have a gentlemanly day.**


	36. the need for information

Chapter 36

The Naruto clone gently laid Mei on the large bed. Her cheeks were still flushed and she seemed to be having quite the fever dream.

The blond Jinchuuriki gently shook her shoulder, causing her eyes to slowly open back to the land of the living. "N-Naruto."

He blushed and looked away, suddenly interested in the misshapen drawer handle to his left. "Yeah. You passed out in the springs, so I brought you here. It's pretty hard to breathe in there 'n stuff." Naruto mumbled out that last part as he stood up to open the window and let cool air blow into the room.

Mei shivered and busied herself with getting the sheets over her still damp and nude body. What she really needed right then was cool air to breathe and get all the mist out of her lungs.

She looked at Naruto.

Their eyes met.

Both of them blushed and glanced to the side and away from the other person. Mei clutched at the sheets and covered her already covered body even more. She hunched forward and hugged the sheets to her torso.

Naruto took notice of this and sat at the foot of the bed. For some, unknowable reason, he was finding interest in all the inane details that the room had to offer.

The patterns and swirls within the hardwood floors. The tiny micro fractures in the purple paint of the walls. The fact that the mirror was tilted ever so slightly to the side. The scores of tubes of different makeup products on top of multiple surfaces.

"S-So~ Uhhhh…" Naruto began the conversation with words of unsureness and nervousness. "So M-Mei… I don't…" Naruto stopped and looked down again. A giant blush threatened to break out on his cheeks again, though he pushed it down through sheer sense of manpower and will.

He scratched his neck and snuck a look at the woman he had been laying with mere seconds prior. She remained in that hunched position, her liquid logged hair pushing forward and covering her eyes and facial expression from view.

She looked so… vulnerable. Like someone who had been brought down to levels they were unaware existed. Someone who had been abused on a moral and emotional level. Naruto wanted desperately to say something. Something cool and heroic and the thing that would make her smile and look up and give him a warm, friendly hug.

But nothing came. The room was deafening in its silence.

Then he heard something. Something that came so suddenly and so softly that he thought he mistook its very existence the first time he heard it.

Then it happened a second time. Then a third. Naruto completely turned his head to face Mei.

Her head was still downcast, but every so often, her head would rise and fall ever so slightly in tune with those small sounds.

They were sniffles.

She took a long, slow, shaky breath. It didn't take a rocket scientist to know that she was suffering in grief and guilt. That she was on the edge of losing it and bawling like mad.

Both he and she were naked, though he didn't really notice. He was sort of used to it at that point, being unabashedly bare in front of the people he cared about.

Naruto crawled his way to her side and tried to put an arm around her shoulder, but was rebuffed. She shoved against him, hard.

It was so sudden and without warning that Naruto was unbalanced and fell to the floor. It was there that he stayed as Mei began to cry.

He got up and tried again, this time more firmly. He wrapped an arm around her and brought her snug against his chest. The cool dampness from the hotspring water making a sharp contrast against the hot tears falling on his chest.

Naruto made small shushing sounds into her ear and pressed a check against her temple, reminding her that he was near and there for her.

Like all things eventually do, her crying began to end. In its last throes of existence, a dark, tortured laughter came from her lips. "You must think me so pathetic." She said self-deprecatingly. "To you, the person you see as your mother just forced herself on you."

Mei leaned away from his face and body. "Leave." She ordered.

Naruto didn't.

Her eyes darkened as she glared holes into his head. "Leave. Forget what we did, what I said."

Naruto did not leave. He did not forget.

Mei's face went downcast. "I don't love you. Is that what you wanted to hear? You're my son and I could never love you like a husband. Now go."

Naruto didn't want to hear that. He did not go.

Hot tears began to spill over her eyes and face once more. Torturously, she began speaking in clipped, oddly toned snippets of words and dialogue. "Please… please please please just go. Just leave me. Just forget and sleep and when you wake up, greet me with 'good morning mom, what's for breakfast?' just please… please… please…"

Naruto refused her offer. "I… I love you Mei." Naruto said slowly, stopping the tears from falling from her eyes. "I've loved you for a long time like you were my mom." He wrapped an arm around her once more, though this time he snuggled into her chest. "Yeah… it's weird. I'm not going to lie. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. I just had sex with the woman I respect as my mom. I'm not going to forget. I'm not going to leave. I'm not going to pretend. Because if I did, then I'd just admit that I was weak."

Mei's breath hitched.

"You know what? I'm going to tell you something."

Mei didn't answer.

"Back then, three years ago when this whole thing started, you decided to give yourself up for an arranged marriage. The only thing you knew was that you were going to be marrying the thirteen year old son of the Fourth Hokage. You did it for your people and the people of kekai genkai everywhere. You also knew that he was already arranged and married with four other kunoichi of the different villages. Kurotsuchi, Yugito, Fu, and Temari."

Mei remained silent as Naruto paused.

"You didn't really meet Kurotsuchi until the ball though. You know, when I lost my arm and Temari lost her leg."

Mei continued to stew in silence.

"See the thing is, I was her boyfriend at the time. That was how you saw us, but when we first met, me and her… I just fucking hated her."

Mei couldn't help it. Her body responded by taking a twitching in a sudden, singular string of laughter.

"Oh yeah. I hated her so much. She was abrasive, rude, disrespectful, pulled pranks on me, abrasive, loud, mean, abrasive, short-tempered, abrasive, oh, and did I mention abrasive?"

A short series of chuckles emanated from her lips.

"But see, this weird thing happened. I spent time with her and learned about her and heard her laughter and I trained with her and I saw movies with her and then this really really strange thing happened to me. She confessed that she liked me. Isn't that weird? I hated her so much up until that point, then I suddenly found myself completely and utterly enthralled by her. I was in love. I couldn't help it. I couldn't identify what it was right away because I had never felt it before."

"What are you trying to say?" Mei whispered. "That you secretly hate me for what I did?"

"Don't go throwing yourself a pity party. It's unbecoming. What I'm trying to say is: relationships can change. Sure, I would have liked it better if you'd subtly tried to wriggle yourself out of your role as my mom, but subtly was never your strong suit, was it?"

Mei didn't answer for the longest time, instead she thought long and hard about what she was about to say. "I… leveraged your emotions against you. I forced you have sex with a person you thought was your mom. I raped you. I did something heinous and immoral."

"The only thing heinous and immoral is your line of thought. Sure, you might have forced yourself on me, but I'd be hard-pressed to call something like that 'rape'."

"You mean you're okay with fucking your mom?" She asked darkly humorously.

"I mean… I'm willing to try and think of you as something else. Maybe a girlfriend, a wife, a lover. Only what you want though."

Mei wrapped her arms around Naruto and dragged him down into bed. She pressed her face hard against his. Hot tears falling once more from her eyes. This time, though, she wasn't sad. She was happy.

"You know what?" She asked with a humorous twitch to her voice. "I actually asked Kurotsuchi, Fu, and Yugito about what turned you on a few days ago."

"You did?"

"Yup. I just sat down at the breakfast table and asked what I should try in bed with you. Because I thought you were just a hungry male specimen that would fuck anything with a working vagina."

"If that's not offensive, then I don't know what is."

"Oh shush. Then I talked to them and I heard their stories about you. I never actually considered myself your mom figure. It was news to me."

"I've called you mom on multiple occasions before that."

"I thought you just being smart because I was doing motherly things. But they weren't motherly things you know. I was trying wifely things. Making you meals, doing your laundry, chastising you… things that wives do."

"Things that wives do? I swear to god, if you do any more of my laundry, I'll… do something drastic."

"Why?" She whispered.

"Because… I appreciate it when you do those things, but it's weird to hear that you were only doing those things because they were 'wifely'. Sounds old-fashioned. You're the kage of the Village Hidden in the Mist for god's sake. Have some dignity." Naruto said is a humorous tone of voice.

Mei chuckled a little bit. "Some dignity huh? But dignity is so boring. Having a 'silent dignity about you', just leads to boring sex."

"Is that what it leads to?"

"Absolutely."

"Well isn't it just so good that you have none to speak of?"

"It's just the best."

Naruto snuggled into her and got ready for bed. Her eyes, though, were open wide in thought.

"Hey Naruto." She whispered just before nodding off to sleep. "Did you mean that? That you're not going to leave me? That you love me?"

"Mei… there is no one in the world capable of feeling more love for you than I feel right now."

Mei accepted that answer and decided to allow sleep to grace her being.

00000000

The next morning.

Somehow, don't ask how, it just happened that way, but somehow, as Temari walked to open the door to the mansion, she felt an impending sense of importance waiting behind that door.

Until a few moments ago, it had been ringing at intervals of two seconds. Temari's heavy footfalls apparently were noticed by whoever was outside, so the ringing stopped once she was at the end of the hallway.

Inexplicably, she could feel sweat begin to bead on her forehead and begin sliding down her face. The Land of Water was always humid, but the mansion made sure to keep itself regulated on the inside. She shouldn't be sweating, yet she was. Her hand was shaking. She suppressed a shiver.

She looked at the door in front of her. It was large. Imposing. But that wasn't the thing that made her stop in front of it, reach out for the door handle, and pause.

No, it was the person or thing on the other side that was giving her troubles. Even on the inside of the mansion, she could feel an aura of uncertainty, madness, anger.

Her pupils dilated, her breath hitched, her fingers twitched furiously. Slowly, she reached to the side of the door, where she kept her battle fan, and grasped it furiously. Whatever was outside, was angry and strong and somehow knew of the barrier of seals that would eviscerate that person the second they tried any sort of violence towards the mansion.

Temari gulped. Why was she so frightened? Things had been normal until a few seconds ago.

She backed up and placed her prosthetic behind her, readying it for an unfolding as soon as she opened the door. She thought about calling for help against this person outside, but thought better of it. The outside walls had no sound seals when the inside ones were active, a flaw in design. The person would hear her as soon as she tried and likely resort to more brutal and effective methods.

She didn't know. Whoever was outside might have an expert in sealing with them. They could be trying the coy attack, knocking on the door and just waltzing right in to attack her and Naruto and Mei and Kurotsuchi and Fu and Yugito.

Nope, she wasn't going to let that happen. Behind her back, she unfolded her major war fan and held it propped on her shoulder. Reaching a hand forward, she unlocked the door, unlocking both the mechanism and the deadly arrangement of invisible seals.

In a practiced display of frightening strength and power, she swung her hand forward and used her war fan to blast the door off its hinges, splintering to pieces as soon as it struck the person the other side. Without letting any movement go to waste, she brought her prosthetic forward and blasted out cutting winds of hot air at the still standing individual who had yet to step indoors, then used her fan like a club and sent a debilitating downwards blow at the person.

Temari winced and froze. It felt like she struck iron with how little give she got from the strike.

The dust settled, the splinters fell, Temari tried to move, but her muscles were locked in fear at the massive killing intent directed at her.

It was Tsunade of the Sannin behind the door, which relieved her of the fact that it wasn't the akatsuki who had come to attack, just the kage coming to check up on them. Then she realized that Tsunade was covered in micro cuts, bruises and splinters. Her body was shrouded in a bluish greenish chakra shroud, probably the thing that displaced the majority of the wind blades.

The war fan clattered to the ground and her prosthetic refolded back into her leg. Temari lost her support and fell to the ground, devoid of the energy left to defy such an imposing presence. "T-Tsunade-sama. I can't tell you how sorry I am for attac-"

Temari was halted midsentence as Tsunade brushed her way in and stumbled through the hallways. Worried that she might have seriously hurt the Hokage's mental faculties, she ran up to her and tried to get her to sit down and rest. That is, until she realized a very important detail about the Hokage.

The fact that she was shitfaced.

"Get'sh offa me." Tsunade drawled out, stumbling over to the bar that was located in the living room and grabbing a random liquor off of the shelf. She uncorked the bottle using he mouth and took a swig. Tsunade sighed in contentment and brought out a few shot glasses. "Where'sh Narutooouuu." Tsunade asked as clearly as she could.

"Busy." Temari replied

Tsunade sighed explosively and began massaging her temples with alighted green chakra. She vacated the room for several moments to go to the bathroom and came back completely sober. "Medical flushing." She explained. "Though it isn't usually used with alcohol."

Temari leaned her back to look down the hallway and out the door to the blinding whiteness of the rising sun. There were splinters of wood strewn about the front lawn.

"A-Aren't you mad that I just attacked you?" Temari asked slowly.

Tsunade waved off the assault with little concern. "If I was mad at everyone that attacked me indiscriminately, there'd be a lot fewer people in the world. Now I ask again, a little less drunk this time, where's Naruto?"

Temari did a sort of exasperated sigh and walked over to a wall that had strange black markings that went in swirly patters. "Do you really want to know?"

"If he's training, then I can wait for him to come back."

"He's definitely physically predisposed at the moment." Temari turned away from the recently sobered Hokage and tapped a few of the swirly patterns, then bit her thumb and rubbed the blood on a small square next to the piece of sealing.

All at once, the sound seals on the walls and rooms dropped out. Moans and groans of carnal satisfaction permeated the halls for a few seconds before Temari could put up the seals once more.

There was a small blush threatening to break out on Tsunade's face. "You could have just said he was with his wives." Tsunade said.

"But then you would have asked me to go get him, and I'm not stepping in on any more of those engagements. They're into some really weird things." Temari muttered that last bit under her breath. "Do you want to tell me why one of the strongest people in all the elemental nations suddenly showed up at our doorstep with no words of warning and completely smashed beyond belief?"

Tsunade sighed and began twirling around the bottle of liquor by the lip. She was obviously mentally predisposed. "There are a few things I need to talk to you about. Well, they were supposed to be for Naruto, but I'm guessing you could relay the messages."

Temari nodded in understanding.

"First off:" Tsunade said, pouring herself some more booze. "After Naruto's little incident with Sasuke, there's been the decision to crack down on the more volatile elements within the elemental nations. Namely Akatsuki and the Uchiha brat. To do that, the village leaders are looking to conscript the help of the samurai from the land of Iron and begin a strip search of every single country on this continent."

"Are you… asking for our help?"

"No. In fact, I'm asking you to stay as far away from the main continent as you physically can. Actually, it's probably better that Naruto doesn't hear this particular tidbit of information. You know how he can get sometimes."

"Better than anyone else." Temari watched in slight fascination as Tsunade began once more to down glasses of alcohol insanely fast. Why she was doing that just when she had medically flushed the alcohol out of her system, Temari would never know.

Smacking her lips at the taste of tequila, Tsunade began on her second point. "Second off: Jiraya seems to think there's a lead in the land of Rain, so he's going over there to check things out… it's going to be dangerous and it's going to hold a lot of risk."

"Is that why you're drinking so heavily?"

"Part of the reason. Anyway, Jiraya doesn't want the art of Senjutsu to be lost to the world, so he wants Naruto to desummon himself to the country of toads as quickly as he can to begin instruction."

"Senjutsu?"

Tsunade leaned back and rubbed her temples with an annoyed expression. "I don't know. The perv just said it had something to do with 'allowing nature to enter you and calm your chakra, becoming stronger, mentally more proficient, and more powerful as a result.'"

"Sounds like the perv just likes getting high in the woods." Temari replied cheekily.

"I'd think the same thing if I hadn't actually seen it for myself." Tsunade mumbled. "Anyway, world's going on a manhunt, Jiraya is going to Rain to see if the leader of the akatsuki is there, Naruto needs to go to the land of giant toads… other than that…" Tsunade looked off into the distance with a slightly conflicted expression on her face. "Well I guess there's that." She said, barely audible.

"What is it? He has cancer? The world's about to blow up? I'm pregnant? Honestly, at this point, I wouldn't be surprised by much."

"Do you want a divorce?"

Temari paused, a surprised expression appeared on her face. "What do you mean by that?"

Tsunade poured out some of that sweet tequila into a couple of dishes, then pushed one to Temari. "You're eighteen right? Not quite drinking age, but it's close enough."

Temari indeed took a small sip of the liquid, but it burned her tongue and scorched her throat. She wasn't impartial to spicy foods, but the taste also was just horrible to her. She didn't know how other people could choke the stuff down. "Okay, I'm not going to drink." Temari decided. "Anyway, if we get a divorce, aren't the villages going to start killing each other?"

Tsunade shrugged. "You know… three years ago, nobody thought this was going to work, least of all me. It would have been written down as a valiant, if somewhat weird, attempt at creating lasting peace between the nations and everyone would have gone home with a few wounds to lick after all the dust settled." The mature woman paused to drink her booze. "Then you guys went after the Uchiha brat and got your shit kicked in, then the ball happened and two of you were permanently maimed, then the training camp practically burst into flames within the first two weeks of it being created. Honestly, I was ready to throw in the towel and cut my losses, get my godson out of there."

"Why didn't that happen?"

"The same reason there has to be sound seals on the house at this hour. Naruto has a special sort of presence about him. It just makes people want to follow him, listen to him, feel for him. I've felt it firsthand when he practically let himself die for my sake. Anyway, relations between the nations couldn't be better. Interfighting is at an all-time low. Trade is booming. The lives of the people are improving bit by bit. And best of all, paperwork is dwindling." There was a happy, melancholic smile on her face.

Temari looked dubiously at her. "So we're getting a divorce now? That's pretty… fast."

"I'm not handing you your divorce papers on a silver platter like I did your marriage papers. If you aren't happy with him, then give the word and you'll be back to being the heiress of Suna."

"But… I don't get it. If things are going well for the elemental nations, then why are we splitting up? Or I guess, why am I splitting up?"

"It's for the exact reason why things are going well that we're having this conversation. I'd have given this option to all five of you, but seeing as the other four are… predisposed, it looks like you're the only one being given this option. The bottom line is, because everyone is so nice and friendly with each other, I doubt much a fuss would be raised about one of the harem members exiting because of a loveless marriage."

"That sounds… simple."

"If that's how I phrased it, that's not how I meant it. I'm sure that quite a lot of animosity would be stirred up by this information, but with everyone mobilizing at the moment and with eyesights pointed to the bigger baddies, I doubt there would be any blood spilt. The bottom line is this: if you're happier here than you would be out there, then you're free to say. But if you want to exit and live a normal, happy life, then give the word. It's the least the kage could do after screwing your life up this much already." Tsunade slammed down the dish with a resounding clink. "Anyway," She said, looking a little tipsy. "I still need to get completely shitfaced and now that I have no more responsibilities," Tsunade paused to burp into her hand. "I suddenly have a responsibility located at the bottom of several bottles of booze. Now if you'd excuse me, I think I know the way out."

Temari was left in an intense thinking pose at a bar with a dish of tequila out in front of her. She stayed like that for several seconds before clearing away the boozy mess and getting started on her breakfast.

Footsteps began to make themselves known throughout the house as the horny lovers finally untangled themselves from their morning embraces and made their way to the breakfast table in mixed states of dress and mind state.

One after another, they came, they ate, they talked, they left.

Temari was left at the breakfast table alone for the second time in a few days.

It was on the fifth minute of silent thinking in a very elegant and thoughtful pose, that Temari realized she wasn't alone. Turning her head to the side, she was met with a presence that she really shouldn't have been surprised was there. Once he knew that she acknowledged his presence, Naruto turned and gave her a smile. "So, you wanna talk?"

"W-What do you want to talk about?" Temari asked, a little bit shocked and confused at his ability to sense exactly what she wanted and needed at that particular point.

"It's not about what I want to talk about, it's what you need to talk about. Now come on, spit it out. Don't have all day, after all." Naruto said in a high tone of voice. He was joking, she knew. He'd wait years for her to open up to him because that's just the sort of person he was.

"How do you know I want to talk?"

Naruto lazily pointed down the hall. "I'd say the front door being made completely out of splinters and dust would be a good sign. Or I guess I'm more clueless that I thought." He said with a goofy smile upon his face.

Temari paused for a total of two seconds before relenting to his smiling face. "Naruto… I have to talk to you about something important." She said in a completely serious tone.

His smile vanished. He began to look serious and completely ready for a serious conversation. "Shoot."

Temari took a deep breath. "Tsunade walked in a few minutes ago and told me some things. Some very important things. Things that are very important and could affect your personal life and our relationship."

Naruto began smiling again. "Is that all?"

00000000

A ways away.

A singular frog head popped out of the murky waters and tested the air. It was raining heavily and even though it was high noon, it could have been mistaken for dusk it was so dark out. Most of the darkness came from the absolutely dense cloud cover. The city made of metal pipes, metal rods, and metal bones was impressive to just stare at. So heavily industrialized it was and so heavily adapted to the rain that it looked like an alien homeworld.

An arm brushed its way out of the mouth of the toad, followed by another arm, then a head, a torso, and legs. The man who popped out of the deceptively tiny toad was none other than Jiraya of the Sannin. And he had his serious face on.

Jiraya looked up, down, diagonally, and to the sides in every which way. The buildings were so tall and imposing that even if his chakra senses were accurate, there might be a workaround that would allow people to see him step out of a pond toad.

Seeing as he wasn't dead at the moment, he pulled his arm out of the rain smock and allowed for the rain to pelt his palm and fingers.

The water falling from the sky was supercharged with chakra. It had to be some sort of security system. A way of tagging unwanted visitors. Though anyone with the calculation ability to actually keep track of that many people had to be insanely powerful.

A god even.

Jiraya shook his head to clear the mental fog and walked in search of the nearest inn or other such rentable space.

He needed information.

And he was going to get that information.

Even if it killed him to do it.

**AN/ Hello all, gent here.**

**So whatcha think? Naruto accepted Mei. Mei got over her inhibitions. There's news from Tsunade. Temari needs to ponder and question some deep deep shit. Jiraya is in Rain. The land of Iron conference is just about to happen.**

**So yeah… shit's kicking off.**

**Have a gentlemanly day.**


	37. the need for answers

Chapter 37

Naruto swore loudly and gratingly as he fell from the spike for just about the twentieth time in as many minutes. He clung to the spikes around him with chakra as he dejectedly walked down to grab another slab and hoist it up all the way to the top. Waiting for him there was the calm and tranquil expression of his wife from Sand, Temari.

She smirked at him without opening her eyes. "I don't see how you're going to do this. You have absolutely no patience."

Naruto was silent as he went through the painful process of putting the slab in the exact correct space and tentatively stepping on it, while it wobbled all the time, then sitting down on it and not falling to his hypothetical death.

He chuckled darkly. "I'm going to get it." He said through clenched teeth. "I might not be patient, but I'm more stubborn than anybody you know."

If Temari weren't sure if it would disrupt her balance, she would have shrugged. Since that wasn't true, she merely replied with "No statement more true has ever been spoken."

Naruto grunted, pushing his weight around the slab, trying to get it to the point where he reached equilibrium. "How- Nhng… how are you so good at this?" He asked.

"I meditate a lot." Temari said simplistically. "Is that really something you should be worrying about right now?"

Naruto grunted once more and swiveled his hips around to try and redistribute his weight across the slab. "If I'm going to get good, I'm need to run. I can't walk. I have to- Grrnt- do both to get better faster."

This perplexed Temari. "Why? You have time to learn the right and proper way. The tortoise wins the race after all."

"That's bullshit. The rabbit wins the race all the time. The one who is faster will win the race."

Temari sighed. "That's not the point of the story. If you burn yourself out by trying to do too many things, it'll take a lot longer in the long run to master it rather if you'd taken a more traditional route."

Naruto held his hands out to steady himself, then stayed stock still. He and his slab were trembling, but the large movements had stopped all together. He grinned. "You're talking to the man with five wives about traditional routes."

"You're sixteen. That's hardly manhood."

Naruto began controlling his breathing, moving a bit every now and then to make himself a bit more comfortable. "I don't mean to sound childish, but if I'm having sex with four women at the same time, I'm going to call myself a man."

"There's more to manhood than having sex. You make it sound like sex is the end-all be-all. It's just a thing that happens. How much of a man you are is not measured by how much sex you're having. That's just the delusions of some lonely teenager somewhere."

Naruto began to respond, but stopped himself before he could get a word out. His face went pensive, and he definitely looked like he was thinking about something. "Then how _do_ you measure manhood? Here me out, okay?" Naruto said quickly. "The definition of the 'fittest' is how many offspring you are able to father, right?"

Temari nodded unsurely.

"Then the textbook definition of 'manhood', should be how many women you are having relations with."

Temari looked at him dubiously. "Then if you go out and rape and impregnate fifty women, does that make you more a man than someone who remained a virgin their whole life."

"A person that takes control of someone's actions by using their emotions should not be classified as human. A person that takes control of someone else's body without their consent should not be classified as human. And a person that takes control of someone else's feelings by insincere means should not be considered human." Naruto stated plainly.

"We're not talking about your definitions of moral ambiguity and how it relates to the human condition. We're talking about genetics, facts, and science. Scientifically, the man who rapes and impregnates fifty women is considered more of a man. But do you really want to be known as someone who is only _scientifically_ a fit man?"

Naruto was about to answer, but he fell and almost died. It took until him getting back up on the spike with a new slab (because the old one broke) to resume the conversation, which took a rather long time. "Then what _is_ the definition of being a man? I was really only playing the devil's advocate before."

"You're asking me for my definition. There are lots out there. But if were to answer, I'd say that manhood comes with experience. With years. With… knowing things that can't be taught."

"That's a really weird definition of manhood. Why can't you say something like, 'he's got to be strong, and he's got to be fast, and he's got to be fresh from the fight'?"

"That's the definition of a hero, not a man."

Naruto grunted without connotative tonal inflections.

"Anyway, why do you want to master this faster?" Temari asked.

Naruto grinned sheepishly and looked away. "Because… of reasons."

Temari stared at him for a few seconds before realization dawned on her. "You've been gone away for two days. _Two." _She said unbelievingly. "Are you really that horny that you're willing to throw away your safety?"

"Hey." Naruto said sternly. "Yes, sex feels good. People wouldn't do it if it didn't. But I just want to get back to see Fu and Kurotsuchi. The pregnancy is really starting to set in 'n' all. I just want to… be there for them?"

"You are there for them. Have you forgotten the clones you left behind?'

"They only last four days at the most, and that's only if they don't use any chakra at all. I want to get this over with. I've got a right to be worried." He said vindictively. "Plus, they're mostly for Mei now." He tacked on.

"I guess so, but do you really want to be there for them _now_? They're getting morning sickness all over the place and are really bloated. All the unpleasant stuff about being pregnant."

"I'm the dad. I have to be there when the kids start acting up." He said with a light grin on his face.

"…You are really getting into this idea of fatherhood, aren't you?"

"Can't help it. When I was a kid, I was alone. No parents, no siblings, nobody except for myself and the Third. Then he died. Then you five came along and I thought the world decided that my happiness shouldn't exist anymore. It was like the hand of the machine dropped out of the sky and said 'Hey, look, these five women are going to be your family, but they're going to hate you for the rest of your life'. So… I guess you could say that I'm really grateful. That I want to work my hardest so I can go home and comfort my wives because I love them."

00000000

Elsewhere…

Yugito looked with black-bagged eyes at the sight before her. She was currently sitting on a stool and hunched over a bowl of half-eaten, overly soggy cereal and really wishing that there was a certain blond haired teenager for her company instead of the two she was tasked with looking after.

Kurotsuchi was hurling in the trash can whilst holding onto her slightly distended abdomen area and cursing the very idea of sperm. Fu was buzzing around the room with her wings out, creating such an annoying buzz that the cat woman was honestly considering shoving rusty knitting needles in her ears to drown out the sound.

Her eyes slowly drooped further and further down her glazed eyes until they met and she was in the land of dreamland.

Then Kurotsuchi finished barfing in the trash can, tried to get up on her own by grabbing the counter for support, and slipped and fell. Silverware and other such cooking utensils fell from the counter and clattered on the floor, taking her back from the land of dreams and into the land of hell.

Yugito shuddered and vacated the stool she was sitting on in favor of her bedroom. The door clicked shut and she landed on the bed with a soft 'oomph'. Screw whatever promise she made Naruto. Taking care of two pregnant nontraditionally slightly masculine ninja teenagers was not something she could do alone.

Until she was asleep for real this time, she cursed Mei and her responsibilities to being a kage as well as her plan to educate the Naruto clones in being a high ranking dictator.

00000000

Back to where we were before…

Temari decided to let the topic of conversation drop in favor of peaceful reflection of the past few days.

At the end of it all, she decided that since she didn't have any friends back at Sand, and that the only people she really liked and really liked her apart from her family were the five she had been living with for the last few years, that she wasn't going to get a divorce. After that, she told Naruto about the Senjutsu thing in Mount Where Frog People Are.

Considering the fact that Kurotsuchi's and Fu's pregnancies were getting into the unpleasant stages and that she didn't really want anything to do with that, she asked to tag along with Naruto. Although he was surprised by such a proposition, he smiled and nodded, then went off to the elder frog person to beg to let her come with him.

There was a strict rule against humans without the contract coming by and learning their techniques, but the elder was far too old to put up with Naruto's shit and allowed her to come on the technicality that she was related to him through marriage.

Though she was not going to be taught any of the actual specifics of Toad Senjutsu, the elders were more than happy to allow her to participate in the practices that helped with learning it, which led to her situation of getting the balancing meditation thing almost instantly and watching Naruto fail miserably every time he tried within two minutes. To her, it was immensely amusing. To him, it was not as amusing.

The two elder frogs were actually really nice people, she soon found out. She wasn't exactly squeamish when it came to eating foods; so long as it was good and nutritious, she really didn't care in the slightest what it was comprised of, something the elder toads really liked about her, especially since Naruto didn't seem to enjoy the palate that graced her tongue.

From what Naruto told Temari, one of his clones popped by accident and was revealed that Mei had taken the lion's share of clones back to Mist to teach him the ins and outs of being a kage. The last clones in the house were taken care of by hormonally enraged pregnant women.

The dispelling wasn't pleasant.

So that's was what happened to her. The day before had been taken up becoming acquainted with the strange geography, customs, and people that lived there, while the current day had been purely taken up with practicing the balancing exercise.

Temari laughed lightly at Naruto, who had fallen off the spire in a funny and strange way. There was no person quite like the person she often shared a bed with. To her, he was just so… predictably unpredictable. Naruto defied all logic on a regular basis in a way that she could never hope to not crack a smile at.

Honestly, she was surprised the Akatsuki were still around. She wouldn't put it past him to have had rousing and inspiring talks with all the individuals there and shown them the light of the good guys.

Naruto looked up from his position of desperately trying to balance on the spire, then quirked an eyebrow at her direction. "What?" He asked.

It was then that Temari realized that she was smiling, deciding to get the blonde uncomfortable, that smile quickly turned into a smirk. "Hey Naruto, I've got a question."

He nearly groaned at that sentence. "Why is that every time you ask me a question, it's either to ask about my sex life, or really deep shit about ethics and love?"

"I'm a curious person who has to know something."

Naruto lowered his head and sighed a deep sigh. "Okay, what is it?"

"Have you ever used shadow clones before?"

Naruto looked confused. "What? Of course I have."

"No no no. What I mean is, have you ever _used_ shadow clones?"

Naruto did not look amused. "It's one of those questions then?"

Temari smiled and nodded her head.

"I've never gotten a clone to jerk me off." Naruto said slowly and resolutely.

"That's… good to know. But I wasn't asking that. I was asking whether or not you used them with the other four."

The blond lost concentration and fell down, much to Temari's amusement and his chagrin. He climbed back up and began trying to meditate once more, then answered her question. "Fu wanted to do it once. Didn't turn out well."

"Don't like sharing?"

"I'm fine with sharing so long as it's me I'm sharing with. No… the problem was what happened after the clones."

Temari struck a thinking pose, somehow still managing to maintain her concentration and balance while doing so. "What happened after…" She said in thought. "I can't think of what might be the problem."

Naruto made a sad little sigh. The sigh of someone about to tell an embarrassing secret to someone without any idea why they were compelled to do so. "Clones turn into smoke after they dispel. Everything they make dispels too."

Temari's eyes widened, a big grin threatened to spit her face. "You mean… when they all dispelled…"

Naruto nodded. "She was coughing smoke up for a few days."

"And what about the… undercarriage?"

This time it was Naruto's turn to smile a little bit. "Let's just say that it's really funny to see the woman you love fart smoke out her asshole."

At this, Temari laughed well and heartedly while Naruto did snort and try to hold in his laughter a little bit. Temari managed to retain her balance, though it got a little sketchy for a second there. Naruto, however, did fall again.

When he got back up, she had another question waiting for him. "Okay, so what about them and you? Why haven't they decided to share you at the same time?"

"Oh they have." Naruto said, nodding a little bit. "But they don't really interact with each other when they do. And they also have a tendency to get a little… competitive with each other."

"Okay, that's Kurotsuchi and Fu. What about Yugito or Mei? Do they like swapping teams?"

Naruto shrugged. "Never asked. They don't bring it up either… well…" Naruto had a conflicted look on his face. "I guess there was that one time…"

This piqued Temari's interest. "What? What happened? You have to tell me now." She asked excitedly.

"Matatabi, Chomei, and Kurama don't have any reservations about that sort of stuff. So at one point, they took control of Yugito's, Fu's, and one of my sexy clone's bodies to… engage with me."

Temari whistled. "Foursome with legendary beings of wonder… you're one lucky guy."

"No, you don't understand." Naruto said quickly and gravely. "When they took control, they _took_ control. Like, they were fully transformed. Well, they were human sized, but Chomei was still a giant beetle, Kurama was a giant fox, and Matatabi was a giant fire cat."

Temari took a while to answer. "Was it bad?"

Naruto looked to the side, a little ashamed by his answer. "Not entirely…"

Temari huffed in amusement. "So you're into bestiality now, are you? Is there anything you aren't?"

He looked at her indignantly. "I've got a line to be crossed. No dudes and nothing that isn't sentient."

"But anything else… that's all up for grabs?"

"Well…" Naruto fumbled with his words. "I'm okay with trying anything. And it's not like they ever do anything I'm morally opposed to."

"Like when Fu went all masochistic? Or when Kurotsuchi had that master fantasy?"

"So long as they like it!" Naruto said quite loudly, trying to get his point across. "It's not like I'm going to say no to what they want to! They're the loves of my life!"

Temari conceded to his point. "Okay, so you don't do that stuff because you want to, but because they want to. So what do _you_ want to do to them? You have to have something. Some weird kink that they are or aren't privy to."

Naruto blushed a little bit. "I'm kind of into… biting."

Her eyebrows rose a little. "Biting? Like… flesh tearing biting?"

He shrugged. "Yugito did it once and I kinda liked it. I haven't really told them yet though."

"Why not?"

"Because… it has to be on the spur of the moment. I don't think I'd like it if Fu or Mei just started gnawing on my legs all of the sudden."

"Wouldn't surprise me with everything else you do."

Naruto leveled a playfully stern stare at her. "Why are you so interested in this anyway? Aren't you still a virgin?"

"I'm interested _because_ I haven't had sex yet." Temari said. "I just… find it… interesting? How people decide to show their love, or get off with each other. It's weird and not concrete and… interesting."

Naruto wanted to speak up, but was cut off when Fukasaku the elderly toad sage landed on Naruto's slab to steady it with a grave countenance. "Temari." He said. "We can't let you stay here anymore. You're being teleported back."

His wife Shima landed on a spire next to Temari's and poofed her away before she could raise an objection.

"Toad Gramps?" Naruto asked, completely concerned and surprised by this turn of events. "What's going on? What's wrong?"

"It could be nothing; or it could be something. Just in case, we had to send her away." He said, distracted from the conversation.

"What about me?"

"Hmm?" Fukasaku articulated. "Oh, uhh… you'll stay here and complete your exercises. For now, we need to go and held Jiraya-boy." He said, mostly to himself.

At this point, Naruto was getting worried to the point where he might have tried something severe to garner more attention and gravity from Fukasaku or his wife, but they vanished before he was able to.

So he was left alone to complete the spire meditation by himself.

With nothing to think about.

And everything to worry about.

00000000

Kirigakure, same time

Naruto might have had a sour look on his face were it not for the very attractive woman currently holding onto his arm. It wasn't the sort of arm hold that denoted she was following his every footstep and needed guidance lest she hit something in her distraction, more like she was holding onto him to make sure no other female would wonder about their relationship and to make sure he wouldn't get distracted and wander off. Whatever the case was, Naruto's arm was encased in boobage and he couldn't be bothered to care.

Mei was walking slowly, affording Naruto a good view of the everyday lives and surroundings of the village he now called one fifth his home. Kirigakure really was like no other village in the countries. Housing the shinobi and citizens were large condos and apartment buildings that stretched for tens of stories up into the air, completely unlike the urban sprawl that Konoha was made up of. The reason for the great verticality of the village stemmed from the fact that they had very little island to expand into should they want to, which called for the need to expand upwards instead of across. Whatever the case was, it made the village feel like unorganized organization. In between the neatly made and squared apartment buildings were ramshackle housing and businesses. Peddlers lined the streets, citizens walked with joy on their faces, and Mei and Naruto enjoyed every second of it.

"It feels like there's a festival going on." Naruto said, eyeing around the crowd and purveyors of goods. "Like, all the time."

Mei hummed an approval, which he felt through his arm pressed to tightly to her chest. "Especially after the long and terrible reign of Yagura, people are learning how to have fun again. Learning how to trust their common man again. Learning how to have kids again." Mei's eyes were more attracted to the small children in the arms of the mothers and fathers. The scene of a kid whining and complaining for some sweet food or another didn't diminish it in the slightest. In fact, her smile heightened from seeing it. "Kirigakure is probably going to have to expand again." She mumbled, a little bit distracted by all the adorable babies that somehow were always in view.

"I'll say." Naruto said. He spotted a particular vendor which caught his fancy and dragged Mei over with him to check it out. On display was rotisserie chicken and beef being shaved off their staves and placed on kebabs with grilled vegetables. "Come on. You have to try these. Kebabs are great."

"Greater than ramen?" She asked playfully.

Naruto's eyes darkened. "Don't even joke about that." He warned.

She laughed into her hand as Naruto bought two kebabs for the both of them. The vendor happily gave it to them with a "Here you go. Oh, and don't you think you're a bit too old to be holding onto your son like that Ma'am?" He didn't say it rudely, more like he was extending a friendly jab only enhanced by the smile on his face and the laugh of which bumbled out of his mouth after it.

Mei didn't find the joke very funny.

Naruto quickly defused the bomb about to explode by interrupting her before she could do something she might've regretted and placing a hand behind his head to laugh a little. "Do I really look that young?" he asked with a laugh. "We're married." He said with a shining smile on his face. He then turned and planted a slightly longer than average lasting kiss on Mei's lips.

The vendor shocked and began mumbling apologies before he was melted by Mei, while Naruto dragged her off with the two kebabs. They were wearing different looking clothes from usual and Mei didn't have her hair up in her normal topknot, so people didn't recognize them from any other off-duty shinobi or citizen.

When they were away from the vendor and Mei didn't have an outlet for anger, it quickly turned to a submissive sadness. She took her kebab silently and ate it slowly, only nibbling it every now and then.

Naruto sighed. Although he couldn't really fault the vendor, he had also said just about the worst thing he could have said in that situation. Getting a good idea to cheer her up, he led her out of the bustling streets and onto more private, smaller roads. There, he surprised her by picking her up bridal style and hopping up on a rooftop to jump roof to roof until he was on the wall of one of the condo complexes. Deciding to limit his pace, Naruto slowed and walked sedately upwards. Since he was at an angle to the ground, Mei readjusted herself on his body to where she was holding onto him as if his torso were a plank of wood that she was resting her center of gravity on.

"What are you doing?" She asked quietly in his ear.

"Kiri is a pretty place. I want a better view." Naruto said simply.

"I'm a ninja too, you know. I can walk up walls."

"Well, yeah. But I feel the need to demonstrate my masculinity." Naruto said with a laugh.

Mei sighed a little bit in his ear. "If you're worried about me, then don't. I'm fine."

"No you aren't. You're sad because that kebab guy brought up the fact that you're twice my age."

Mei growled a little bit in his ear.

"Oh don't be like that." Naruto said in an uncharacteristically chiding tone of voice. "You can't turn back time. You're thirty and I'm sixteen. That's fact."

Mei grumbled in his ear. "You can't say that. You don't know what it's like to be compared to your lover as if he were your son."

"No, I don't. But I do know what It's like to be compared to my lover as if she were my mom. It's weird. It's really weird."

"You're not making me feel any better." She said softly in his ear.

"I… don't have the ability to make you feel better. Only you can do that. Only you can accept who and what you are."

"I'm the person who can melt you if you don't stop speaking so vaguely." She said, pouting in his ear.

It was only in that moment that Naruto realized how high condos were and how far up the walk was. He laughed nervously a little bit. "W-What I mean is, either you can escape from reality and pretend like we're a normal couple that gets into normal arguments that will lead a normal life and a normal marriage and maybe have normal kids and live in a normal house, or you can accept that I am married to four other women, you are twice my age, you are the leader of an entire population of people, and that there will be bodyguards following your every move and perving on our 'alone time'. We're not normal Mei. But I don't care what's normal or not anymore. I only care that I love you."

Mei's despondent face lightened up a little. She took a large bit out of her kebab and enjoyed the rest of the walk up the condo in silence. Once they were up together, she allowed Naruto to continue holding onto her as they sat down at the ledge of the building and let their legs dangle below. Mei was sat on his lap and was leaned back until her lips were practically touching his jaw. The sun wasn't setting, but it was evening, so the sky was painted with oranges and yellows.

"There's something really nostalgic about setting suns." Naruto said. "Well, maybe not nostalgic, but… they bring up memories."

"What kind of memories?" Mei whispered.

Naruto clammed up. "Uhm… memories that you probably wouldn't find nice."

"It's like you said. We're not normal. You're with four other woman and love them all like you love me. I'm okay with that. So just… tell me. If I get mad, you are just a clone. Melting you wouldn't cause any pain."

"Melting me would absolutely cause pain." Naruto said seriously. "But… okay. So, I remember taking Fu to the hokage monument the first time she visited Konoha. It was before I found out we were getting married, but from just us talking during that afternoon and evening, I felt like we could get along and be good friends. The sunset was really nice up there. It made the trees look so beautiful. There was also the time that I was in Iwa with Kurotsuchi. She took me up to a spot on a mountain to see the setting sun. It was there that she also confessed to me."

"Pretty ironic starting something at that time, since setting suns symbolize the ends of things."

"Ends aren't bad. Even I know that and I'm not that smart. If I always hated Kurotsuchi to no end, she wouldn't be pregnant and I might not be in line to be a father."

Mei smiled and kissed his jaw. "You're right. Ends aren't the end. They're just new beginnings." She kissed upwards and lingered on his cheeks a while before moving to his lips and completely sucking face with him. "Mhmmm- Naruto- mmph- I need- to tell- you- something." She said in between gasps of breath.

Naruto grunted an affirmation.

Mei pulled back and placed her hands on his cheeks. "I want to be a mother."

00000000

In the Land of Rain.

Jiraya was breathing heavily. He spat blood out onto the ground. The red liquid pouring from his various wounds were being quickly washed away by the rain falling from the sky. Everywhere around him were the pipes and gray concrete that so encapsulated what made the Land of Rain so well known to the world.

"Why?" He questioned. Two toads sat on his shoulders and his more amphibian features quivered in anger. "Why would you do this?! Why would you go so far?! Why would you- Why would you…" Jiraya paused. His anger and confusion and fear becoming so muddled and mixed that he was having trouble articulating what he was talking about.

The single opponent stared down at him from an above vantage point. "Because we want to change the world. Because this world is rotten and we will be the ones to expunge that filth and create a world where everyone can be happy. Where everyone can love each other."

"Do you even know what you're saying?! This isn't what my teachings were about! Did you take nothing about what I said to heart? Did you throw that all away?!"

"What you say is idealistic quibblings that you never once tried to enforce with your own ability."

"If you try to kill the kage at the summit, the entire world will be plunged in chaos. That won't be peace. The riots will kill more than you can imagine."

"We will be there to lead everyone. To a better future. A better dawn."

Jiraya took in great heaps of breath. "At least- at least leave them out of it. At least leave the four treaty members out of it. They have done nothing wrong."

"They stand in the way of the beginning of the new world, and the end of the old one. They must go."

"NO! Please! You can't do this! KONAN!"

**AN/ How's it going? Sorry for the long wait. I was distracted by videogames.**

**So what's going to happen? Mei decided to not go to the summit, but who went in her place? Will Naruto agree to father Mei's child? What will happen to Jiraya? What will happen to the four at the mansion? And will I obtain the surface pro 3?**

**Spoiler alert! The answer to the last one is Yes.**

**Have a gentlemanly day.**


	38. the start of something new

Chapter 38

Jiraiya coughed and spluttered blood. He was weak in the knees, even with the help of sage jutsu. Ma and Pa weren't looking too good and might dispel at any moment. He tried to take in breath as quickly as he could, but it always got caught on blood seeping into his lungs. Shit! Ever since he came to Rain, things have been going terribly.

All around him there floated great and giant constructs of paper. Large beings made up of tiny little pieces of paper. More than any other enemy he had fought before, they were difficult to kill. No hand to hand, they might split apart at impact and try to skewer him. No genjutsu, because they were paper and it was almost impossible to tell Konan's true location to put her under anything. Only ninjutsu, and even that had its limits.

She must have been prepared. She must have been knowledgeable of his presence in Rain far before he had ever got there. Paper so thoroughly created to be quite indestructible and at such a large amount was no small feat, even if he hadn't seen his student for years and years.

Speaking of Konan, she was idly floating up in the air with those two paper angel wings she was evidently so proud of. Tiny flecks of blood stained those wings. His blood.

Jiraiya was so confused of this situation. Where were Yahiko and Nagato? Of all three of his students, those two were the best at fighting. Konan usually used up a support role.

Yet here she was, looking down on him with no emotion in her face. Jiraiya would have thought she was a robot with the look on her face being the way it was.

"Jiraiya boy," Pa said. "It's not safe. You have to pull out."

"I can't." He hissed back. "Akatsuki is planning something. She isn't the leader, so I *splutter* I need to know where he is. It could be bad."

"Jiraiya boy!" Ma yelled. "Now's not the time to be gallant. Your safety comes first."

Jiraiya took several seconds to answer. "The village's safety comes first." He looked up at Konan through his toad-like eyes. Why wasn't she doing anything? She only attacked when he attacked her, or when he tried to get out and into the open. The only answers she gave were cryptic and strange, yet she was strangely forthcoming with pieces of her plan. But he needed all of it. What sort of attack strategy the leader was planning, where the rest of the Akatsuki were, what the bigger picture was. Those were the things he needed.

He looked up at the unresponsive face of Konan. What was it that made her that way? He was her goddamn teacher. What was it he could have done to make her hate him so erroneously? What was it that he did to make such a bubbly and shy personality become so vengeful?

And why wasn't she acting?

Jiraiya pulled out a kunai and held it out in a cross hold. Several of her wing papers levitated perpendicular to the ground and folded themselves into shuriken in response. He threw the kunai at her neck just as the shuriken scattered and flew at him.

His kunai punctured her throat. Though it had no effect. The paper that made up the outer layer of her body just knit itself back together. But he had been expected that. What he had been hoping for, yet didn't expect was for the shuriken, which had been aiming for his vitals, to suddenly change direction and clip him in the arms and legs.

Despite the pain he was in, he couldn't help but smile. So that was her game. She was acting that way. What her face showed and what her heart thought were two different things. She had absolutely no intention of killing him. She just wanted to slow him down. To stall him. To keep him away from something happening.

That meant that whatever the leader of the Akatsuki was doing, he was doing it right then. And Konan was trying to keep him away from it.

There were only two places that the leader of a terroristic mercenary organization would want to go to. The land of Iron, where the kage were, or the land of Water, where the contract members were.

They might even be going to both areas. Planning to throw the Elemental Nations in chaos in one fell swoop.

No, right then, it didn't matter what exactly they were planning. It just mattered that he not be there to stop it from happening, which was a real fear that Konan and the Akatsuki had.

"Ma, Pa." Jiraiya whispered with little breath and a lot of blood in his lungs. "I take it back. We should go home no-" His statement was cut short as he had to duck more paper shuriken flying his way. Out of the corner of his eye, one of the paper constructs jumped at him and sent a giant appendage flying down at him. Jiraiya rolled out of the way and hopped to one of the walls, where he stuck on to, surveying the situation.

He was on the wall just long enough to see blades of paper cut through the air. He spewed out oil from his mouth and logged down the ones directly heading for him, every other one slicing into the concrete until almost all of them were invisible from how far they cut into it. Jiraiya jumped away from wall to wall as the paper kept peppering his previous location.

Konan wasn't pulling anymore punches. She must have figured out what he figured out and concluded that his death was unavoidable.

Jiraiya had a new directive. Cause enough destruction that he could bust out, get away from her long enough to be reverse teleported, and warn the kage of impending doom.

Oh, and send a telegram Naruto's way or something. If his wives were in danger, he should definitely know.

00000000

A few minutes before then. The mansion in the Land of Water.

Yugito was woken abruptly from her catnap in the form of a certain Sandy mistress falling in her room in a puff of smoke. The subsequent groans of pain and confusion acted as her alarm clock.

Just at Temari got up and the smoke cleared, a pillow hit her head with such force as to unbalance her and send her tumbling back to the ground. More groans pain rung out from her vocal cords.

"What the fuck?" Temari asked to no one in particular. She still didn't even know what was happening. First she was meditating on a slab of rock on a spire in Toad Mountain, then she was hurting on the hardwood floor of the mansion.

When she got up the next time, she was slightly less forthcoming with sounds of pain as she surveyed her surroundings. She looked around some, noticed the light coming in through the windows and the fact that Yugito probably shouldn't be sleeping due to the fact that there were violently pregnant women about.

She also realized who and what her hit her face.

Tucking the pillow under her arm, she walked out the doorway and into the living room to check up on Fu and Kurotsuchi and perhaps get some answers as to why she had been suddenly teleported miles and miles away.

She found Kurotsuchi and Fu snoring peacefully away on the living room couch. Within armsreach, there was a bucket full of rancid puke, and the TV was playing a sort of soothing ocean noises program.

Fu groaned a bit in her sleep and rubbed her pregnant belly. With a slight frame like hers, the pregnancy had to be hitting her harder than most. In fact, Kurotsuchi should also be affected fairly heavily from her boyish frame.

Temari tutted at such a sight. It was an accident them getting pregnant and all, but they really should have practiced safe sex a bit more heavily than just the anti-pregnancy jutsu. A combination of their youth and not exactly 'womanly' frames were wreaking havoc on their bodies.

Temari gently took the handle of the bucket and brought it over to the kitchen, where she cleaned it out. When one person was pregnant, the whole family was pregnant. When two people were pregnant, the whole family was crazy.

Temari brought the bucket back to the living room and laid it on the ground next to them. Knowing that she wasn't going to be getting any concrete answers from anyone anytime soon, she contented herself with channel surfing and ignoring the weird nap sounds that Kurotsuchi and Fu made.

After a few seconds of boredom, she clicked the TV off and started to wander around the mansion. Even if she had been there for several weeks by that point, Temari had actually never really explored the place. There was the training room, entertainment room, bathroom/baths extension, her room, Naruto's room, and the indentation in one of the hallways where a shadow clone of Naruto, who had been taken over by Kurama, was sleeping.

It would appear that bijuu had very different sleeping schedules than humans.

The only thing that was differentiated the rest of the mansion from the part she had just begun to explore were tiny little asynchronous types of things. No bedroom was arranged in quite the same way. No hallway shrubbery was placed at exactly the same spot. Nothing to denote any spectacular change in direction or appearance, but everything had a sort of eerie similarity to it. Every hallway shrub looked exactly the same, even though she knew no one cared for them. There must be some sort of function in the sealing arrangement to make the plants so similarly uniform.

Temari sighed into her palm and leaned on a wall in a uniform bedroom. She needed to find out what was wrong. The main advantage with the mansion was how protected it was, but the main disadvantage was how it was nearly impossible to get information on a nearly deserted island in the middle of buttfuck nowhere.

She did have one thing though. It was a sort of thing that had not been on her mind as of late because of a lack of reason to use it. Temari bit her thumb and made the handseals for the summoning technique, then slammed her hand against a wall. Sealing arrays spread out from them and in a puff of smoke, out popped her personal summon Kamatari.

He looked around a bit and held the giant kama that he came with threateningly in all directions before he turned his attention back to Temari.

"Temari-sama, what is the meaning of this? There is no danger." He said in a gravelly voice.

She knelt down and rubbed his head. "I know," she said. "There's this thing I need your help with. It's not combat related."

He growled a little bit. "I'm a warrior. I fight. That is what I am summoned for. I do not enjoy idle chit-chat." He said harshly.

"I'm not asking for idle chit-chat." Temari said seriously. "I need information. How far away is… well, wherever you live to Mount… wherever the Toads live?"

Kamatari settled down and rested on his haunches. "If I run with the wind, thirty minutes maybe."

"Good, I need you to desummon back to where you live and head to Mount Toad. Around the giant rock spires, there's a human male practicing not falling off of them. I need you to get him and come back here."

Kamatari growled again. "I am not a shuttle business. I am a warrior of the weasels! Does this mean nothing to you?"

Temari looked to the side in thought. That was the thing with the weasels. Whether it was cooking, fighting, building, destroying, they were a one-track mind kind of animal. They didn't really make for rousing speech partners. If Temari meant to convince him to do something that didn't include cutting something up, she'd have to do some pretty convincing acting.

Temari sniffled. She began to subtly breathe in large amounts of air very rapidly in an effort to make her face red. "I-I know that you aren't a shuttle. And- and I'm sorry. But… but, you see, he's my husband… and, I- I just- I just have a horrible feeling…" She paused to hold her stomach and take in a shuddering breath. "Please… please help me out. Just this once?"

Kamatari looked at her for a while before he averted his eyes and stared at the ground. He began to do a sort of half grumbling, half growling sound only animal summons were capable of producing. "I swear, if you mention this to any living soul, I will part our contract as it is." Saying that, he poofed away in smoke, leaving Temari to regain her normal facial expression.

"Well that was eas-" She paused herself midsentence and whirled around to face behind her. There had been a noise. A slight, almost non-existent rusting sound that came from behind her. The only things behind her though, was a shelf, a fern in a pot, and a bed.

Temari pushed her hand behind her without tearing her eyes from the normal looking bedroom and brushed up against a splotch of ink. At the touch of her hand, it expanded into a web full of tiny little indentations and sliders, all with their own unique function. One was slightly larger than the rest, so Temari was able to touch it by memory without looking away.

Instantly, what looked like fissures began to spread all across the room as all the hidden array ink lit up through its chakra mark. There were tiny little dots all along the walls, floors, and ceilings symbolizing all the hidden living things inside the floors of the building. And Temari could feel her own body begin to light up a bit. The fern was also glowing lightly.

Thanks to the fact that the array covered such a huge space and had some sort of self-replenishing chakra store, it had the huge amount of power required to light up all biological chakra signatures in a given radius. There were no hiding techniques, genjutsus, or invisibility ninjutsu that could hide from such a function.

Temari stared all around the room a few more times before sighing to herself and undoing the power on the seal. She didn't know why, but she had a really bad feeling right then. It was also the feeling that made her want to get Naruto, someone she could rely on. As well as the feeling that made her constantly turn around and check to make sure there was no one behind her, staring at her intently.

There never was though.

Temari didn't like it at all.

Slowly, she turned around and jogged down the hallway back to the living room right where Kurotsuchi and Fu were continuing to rest.

Temari checked behind her again. There was no one there.

It was eerie the feeling of being in a huge, mostly quiet mansion with only the sleeping to give her company.

And the plants.

The plants that would occasionally twitch when out of sight every now and then.

00000000

Somewhere in the Land of Lightning.

"Yo yo. You betta back up. Or you're gonna get cut up."

Suigetsu sweatdropped. "That didn't even rhyme." He whispered to Sasuke.

"Shut up Sui. We're here to capture the Jinchuuriki, no criticize his rhyming." Karin said, emphasizing her point by slapping him on the back of the head.

While those two were fighting, Sasuke, Juugo, and Kisame sized up their opponent. Sasuke withdrew his sword and Kisame began unwrapping the Samehada menacingly.

"I've always wondered what octopus tasted like." Kisame said as he licked his lips.

"We need him alive." Sasuke said.

"People live through shark attacks."

It was there, a while away from the Village Hidden in the Clouds with naught but themselves, mountain peaks, clouds, and moisture as witnesses to the capture of the Hachibi Jinchuuriki.

00000000

Somewhere in the Land of Iron.

Tsunade began rubbing her temples. Sharing a circular table with her were Gaara, Ai, Mifune, Ao, and Onoki. Behind her was the crippled form of Danzo, who was flanked by his Root bodyguards. Behind Gaara was his brother and his former teacher. Next to Ao was Chojuro. Behind Onoki was Akatsuchi as well as some man that looked like he just got done swimming a 200m. Behind Ai were his bodyguards C and Darui.

Somewhere in another far off room were the Daimyo. To her knowledge, they were contented to just play cards and let the military leaders do what they did best, lead in military excursions.

There was only one problem with that though.

It looked like the brunt of the attack plan would fall on Konoha, which upset her greatly.

Cloud didn't have many Black Op agents suited for search and destroy missions, nor did they have any knowledge of where any Akatsuki hideouts were in their country. Sand wasn't much better off in that regard and Mist was still having trouble recruiting suitable people for their Covert Operations even after several years of peace.

Onoki came up with a plan of contacting the Akatsuki again and tailing them to their hideout to hopefully kill some of the higher ups. But Tsunade knew that was doomed to failure. Even if Stone had done business with them before, Akatsuki as an organization was far too a suspicious to let any of the actual fighters come in contact with who they were doing business with. There was a thing called 'bitch work' in the mercenary industry. Anyone who had any sort of clout over there would never stoop to 'bitch work' levels. And anyone who had to do 'bitch work' would never come in contact with those who didn't want to stoop to their levels.

It was a system that worked marvelously for them so far.

All of this indecision, bullheadedness, and downright stupidity was what was making Tsunade wishing for something, anything to take her mind off their little sit down with the Samurai.

And that's exactly what she got.

She just wished she got something other than the room blowing up.

The circular table the leaders were sitting at imploded violently and spat out large chunks of sharp wood at bullet speeds. Huge amounts of dust were kicked up into the air the sudden gravitational anomaly, obscuring vision for all involved.

Most of everyone were unscathed, having reacted fast enough and with great enough defenses that there were only minor cuts and disorientation.

Rocks coalesced in the room. Lighting charged throughout the space. Clicks of a mechanical puppet were drowned out from the ringing in everyone's ears. Everyone was in defensive and waiting for the smoke to clear enough that they could get even a rough idea of what was going on.

When visibility returned enough, they saw six figures standing in the room, right where the table blew up. They all had orange hair, save for one, who didn't have any. They all had piercings in their bodies and faces. They were all emotionless. And they all had the Rinnegan.

"As of now." They all chanted in unison. "Akatsuki is at war with the elemental nations."

Onoki couldn't help it. He had to chuckle in a way that only an old man could chuckle. "Well this is going to make finding them a whole lot easier."

Then the _entire_ room blew up into chaos, action, and general lethality.

00000000

Back at the mansion.

Temari was pacing back and forth in the living room, only the second of two occupied rooms in the entirety of the large house. Fu and Kurotsuchi were still asleep and showed no signs of waking up and there were sounds coming from Yugito's room. It began to appear that Yugito was up and about.

The reason for her uneasiness came from the strange, concurrent series of events that followed her for the last few days. She knew she needed Naruto right then. If not for her safety, then at least for his.

She didn't feel safe. Not anymore.

Another light shuffling sound came from behind her, to which she wheeled around to face, only to be faced with a disappointing lack of intruders. Anything at that point would have been better than nothing. She huffed and started pacing again, not having noticed another shrubbery join her in the room.

She also didn't know of the patchworked hundred year old zombie outside her house, waiting for a signal from an idiot, happy shrubs, and an angry shrub.

Not that she could have known that little tidbit of information.

**AN/ the chapter's a bit shorter this time.**

**Sorry.**


	39. the scorned

Chapter 39

The battle between the kage and the Paths of Pain was destructive to say the least. The Paths were able to pick their targets so as to play to their opponents' weaknesses as well as keeping them cut off from the other kage.

Ai, for example, was selected for a bad fight when going up against the Gravity path. No matter how fast he was, how accurate his strikes, or how many pounds of force behind his punches, nothing hit the dead body of Yahiko. It was frustrating to say the least and potentially deadly to say the most.

Mifune was going up against the robot puppet Path of Pain with limited success, Tsunade was squaring off against the summoner, while Gaara and Onoki were having a lot of trouble with the chakra absorbing path. The last two paths were off against their bodyguards and samurai with limited success.

Entire pieces of the ceiling and walls were either being violently destroyed or used as ammunition against the paths. The building lost its electrical lighting for the cloudy and snow filled air that made up much of the Land of Iron's outside climate.

Tsunade had already summoned Katsuyu to help medicate all the afflicted people and to help get rid of the Animal path. Though Katsuyu was mostly a support type summon, so other than some acid, there wasn't much she could do in terms of offensive ability. Her ability to fight wasn't being helped at all by the freezing temperatures either.

Tsunade cursed. How those six ginger corpse people were managing to beat back four kage, Ao, the leader of the samurai, and all their bodyguards was beyond her. It just didn't seem feasible. Plus there was the fact that they all had the rinnegan, the thing that was only meant to show up once a millennia and only in one person, who was dead by all reports gathered. It was at that point that she direly wished Jiraiya hadn't gone on a mission to Rain, because things were looking hopeless and bleak.

Steeling herself, she launched herself from the snowy ground to the Animal path, bull heading past the summons, swatting them out of the way as she went, to her goal of the ginger person. She'd already gotten a square hit on the thing's torso. Despite the feeling of internal organs turning to a sludgy liquid under her fists, the thing managed to keep on coming at her with a strange intensity. That thing wasn't alive. This next hit she was hoping to destroy its central nervous system and render it immobile.

An explosion rocked the ground just behind the Animal path, giving Tsunade just enough of a distraction to suddenly put forward a burst of speed and send an earth shattering punch to the back of the head of the Animal path.

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed another path glance towards her battle. As soon as their eyes met, the Animal path swerved with just a few hairs width between her punch and the head of the summoner. Using the momentum of the swerve, it pushed a kunai into Tsunade's abdomen. Because she used all her strength, speed, and reflexes to just get that close, there was no way for her to dodge. The kunai entered her lower torso up to and past the handle.

Tsunade collapsed in a pile a few feet away from her enemy. She quickly did the seals for her mitochondrial regeneration, hopped away from the path, pulled the kunai out of her stomach, and chucked it at the summoner all within a second. The knife entered the summoner's chameleon summon, protecting its master completely.

Tsunade's normally lethal wound closed itself while she hopped back to assess the situation. She wasn't exactly the most perceptive of shinobi, she never really had to be with most of her combat career being a medic on the frontlines, but she did know something was up. They had to have some sort of shared sensory power or something. Though there was something weird with how they acted. It couldn't be that they were some sort of hivemind. No, human conscience can't be shared across multiple brains and still retain its singular identity. She knew. Orochimaru tried it once and had terrible results. They had to be remotely controlled somewhere. But deciding where was the real challenge.

The summon path took advantage of her moment of reprieve by sending the splitting Cerberus type summon after her. Before it could reach her, however, the remaining large entity of Katsuyu slammed into it and into the snow drifts. Every time the dog split apart, Katsuyu split apart with it.

"**I- I must go Tsunade,"** one of the slugs said, **"I can't be in this weather. I can't fight anymore."** Having said that, the slugs vanished in puffs of smoke along with the dog summons.

Although relieved that the summoner's power had been taken down a notch, Tsunade was now out of support. She had to rely only on herself.

She stood up to her full height, cracked her knuckles, her neck, and her back, then put her hands out with balled fists. Although she was confident that she wouldn't die from anything fatal that the summoner tried to through at her, the mitochondrial regeneration only worked so many times. She was at a major disadvantage.

Just as she was about to charge headlong into combat, something wet and cold slapped onto her shoulder.

It croacked.

The toad vanished into a cloud of smoke and suddenly Jiraya was standing right next to her. He looked worse for wear, but ready to go. Being in sage mode had a nasty habit of making the user believe horribly debilitating injuries to be slights however, so she didn't really know how bad off he was.

"Hime," he said in a gravelly tone of voice, "get ready. It's time to _not_ die."

00000000

At a certain mansion during a certain frame of time.

The first thing Naruto noticed when he got reverse summoned back to the human realm was the fact that they sky was on fire.

Well, it wasn't exactly on fire. He'd be dead if it were. But a very large portion of the upper sky looked like it had a mini sun trying to go supernova. It was getting larger and larger if his rough estimates were correct and also looked like it may give him a very very bad time sometime down to road.

The mansion was in the process of getting destroyed by white guys who all looked like they used to be ferns and various forms of shrubbery. And on the beach, Kurotsuchi was fighting Kakuzu.

Seeing as that was the most immediate threat, he unsealed the Nuibari and ran to go help her. His arm transformed into the launcher type and he immediately put the sword in there to. He pointed it at Kakuzu and let the sword fly. Kakuzu saw it out of the corner of his eye and managed to bend backwards to evade it, but didn't manage to dodge the acidic slab of melting rock that hit him in the torso.

It didn't faze him much, but it allowed Naruto to get close enough to land a knee on his face. The zombie stumbled backwards and tripped on the wire laid by the Nuibari when it was launched past him.

As he fell, Kurotsuchi ran up and jabbed her sword downwards at his forehead. It glanced off and allowed Kakuzu to grab her by the ankle, throw her back at her husband, and get up in one fluid movement.

He almost growled as he surveyed his new prey. The rock girl was easy to take care of by her own, but it looked like she worked well with her husband in tandem. And although there were accurate reports of the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki had been training in at the camp, there was little concrete evidence of his combat prowess.

No, things were not looking up for him. He just had to hope that Tobi was at least somewhat competent enough to know when to help.

"Where's everyone else?" Naruto whispered.

"Fuu and Yugi," she whispered back, pointing at the house "Temari." She pointed up at the mini sun.

Naruto's eyes widened in surprise. "Is she…"

Kurotsuchi shrugged. "Yugi and Fu looked fine when I left."

"What about this guy?" Naruto asked.

"Skin's tough as iron and has mastery over all five elements. His body can split apart into weird tentacle monsters that all have their own element. He's the reason Temari's up there. She flew up and he launched a huge fireball at her. Wind and fire don't mix all too well."

Naruto nodded, then hefted his long needle blade menacingly. He unwound the string a lot. "I have a plan. Just go with it."

"What?" Kurotsuchi asked. The only response she got was iron hard needle tentacles trying to skewer her. She flipped back and looked for Naruto, but he was nowhere to be found.

Kurotsuchi growled a little bit and leveled her sword at the zombie.

00000000

In the house.

"AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHGGHH" Fu screamed in frustration. The white body in her grip just refused to tear apart cleanly. There were all these stringy bits that held the two body halves together and no amount of sheer brute power was enough for her to completely get them separate. In her periphery, she knew that there were sharp things clanging against her armor, but nothing immediately life threatening.

Blue flames whooshed around her and incinerated four white shrub monsters. They licked at her purple exoskeleton, though it affected Fu as about as much as someone pointing a hair dryer at her general direction.

Yugito came forward and sliced the tendons keeping the white Zetsu in Fu's grasp apart. Without the tension keeping it together, the body pieces flew away and impacted two other Zetsus. They were definitely overwhelming in numbers, but since nothing could hurt her in her armor, she'd taken to ripping them apart for their audacity in attacking them and making a mess of her mansion.

There was a tapping on her horned helmet. Fu looked to see Yugito gesticulating wildly to the window, where the sky appeared to be on fire. She didn't know what the cat woman was saying because the helmet kinda shmushed her ears to her head, but Yugito did look very antsy and agitated.

Why was she doing that? The enemies were easily dismantled. There was no need to be getting afraid.

It was at that exact moment that a black tentacle monster with an ANBU face mast crashed through the mansion, doused Yugito in icy water with the force of a fire hose, and hit Fu with its tentacles with enough force to send her crashing into the bar.

Which was on fire.

Yugito got up and ignited in bijuu chakra. She spewed flames at the tentacle monster, which was dodged and then put out with more of its water.

Taking another approach, Yugito decided to ram the thing with all her worth, sending it careening into the living room and into a pile of desiccated white Zetsu corpses. Instead of turning into a sort of ashy dust with little bits of tentacle monster poking out, it somehow countered her hellfire with some of its water.

Fire chakra will always lose to water chakra. Though Yugito has never encountered this encumbrance. Sure, she's fought shinobi specializing in water jutsu, but her hellfire was always much stronger than their normal water chakra. It must have something to do with the fact that Matatabi's fire chakra is several times exponentially more potent than other fire chakra. So the fact is, Yugito had never found something she couldn't turn to ash, until finding that tentacle monster, that is.

Deciding that it didn't really give a shit about her bijuu cloak, it retrained her body with its tentacles and pushed her to the ground. She yelled frustration and threw up hell fire directly on the mask. The fire sizzled out on the water pushed from within itself and heated it to the boiling point, which promptly fell on her face.

The white Zetsus regrouped and fell on her like so many hyenas. Entire chunks of the fire cloak began to get absorbed into their mouths.

Fu finally managed to get her footing and ran at the monster. Even more tentacles whipped out and smacked her down. A little disoriented at first, Fu got back up only to get smacked back down. Any Zetsus that wanted to try their luck at eating her bijuu chakra were all impaled in the head.

Finally, having had enough of their bullshit, she grew wings from her back and flew at the monster with a war cry at her lips. Spindly appendages grew from her side and back. All of them produced water swords, which were put to work hacking and slashing all the tentacles into neat little bits.

The monster yowled in pain and backed up. Fu took the situation in her hands by hacking off the remaining tentacles off of Yugito and skewering all the Zetsus crowding her.

Fu tried to help her up, but the cat woman was unconscious.

Fu turned around to see the tentacle monster getting back up, some weird black shrub variant come through one of the holes in one of the walls and a man with an orange swirl mask materializing out of nowhere.

Things just really complicated for her.

00000000

Back in Kiri.

Mei didn't know why, when, or how, but a giant sea monster was attacking the Hidden Village. It looked like a shark mixed with a swordfish, an octopus, a squid, and a pidgeon. It had a lot of weird features to speak of, but the strangest by far were the purple ringed eyes of the Rinnegan and the strange rods poking out at random.

The monster wasn't really a problem for her. She was definitely stronger than it and there was no threat to the village. Really, after a little tussle betwixt the two it fled back into the ocean, popping its grotesque head out every now and then to get her attention.

Though she was an expert at water surface fighting as well as deep sea fighting, she knew a goad when she saw one. Chances were, that thing would tear her apart as soon as she stepped foot on the water surface.

But it wasn't going away either. She didn't trust any of her shinobi to attack that thing. Even if they did manage to kill it, it had way too many points of attack and appeared to be defended well enough that there would definitely be casualties.

Her last Naruto clone dispelled about an hour ago and Ao and Chojuro were at the conference with the rest of the kage. That left an disparately low amount of high level shinobi to take care of the threat just offshore.

As she was eyeing it, a frantic looking genin ran up to her with a scroll in his hands. "Mizukage-sama!" he spluttered out.

Without looking away from the monster, she asked "what?"

"T-The safehouse! It's warning seals went off!"

"Happens all the time." She muttered.

"Code Shark!"

Mei's eyes widened. Code Shark was just about as bad as bad could get. Violent and pervasive destruction to property and huge amounts of intruders.

"Where's the underwater fighting squadron!?" She barked out.

A jonin shinobi body flickered to her side. "Mizukage-sama! The samurai summit has been attacked by the Akatsuki! Orders?"

Mei growled indecisively. Kiri was still getting back on its feet. She couldn't send her force to help the kage summit. "Shore up the borders. Get the perimeter to just at the residential areas, abandon the fisheries and farms, and prepare for an attack. This could be a ruse to get all most of the shinobi out of Kiri and attack when it's not well defended. And where is the underwater fighting squadron!?"

"They're assembling," the jonin said.

"Good. You're de facto leader while I'm gone. Instruct the underwater fighting squadron to back me up when the get here." She began to step off to go fight the sea monster, but the jonin grabbed her arm before she could.

"Mizukage-sama, you're leaving? You just said we could get attacked at any moment!"

She looked down on him with her serious expression. "That's why I need the perimeter tightened," she said, "I need to secure the safety of the safehouse. Without them, any war that might be breaking out will be lost. To do that, I need to kill that sea monster. Shouldn't take longer than a few hours. Now let go of me. Time is of the essence."

The man seemed to realize he was holding onto one of the most powerful people in the world and quickly let go.

She stalked off into the water, weaving handseals all the way.

The now de facto leader looked behind him. "Where's the underwater fighting squadron?!"

00000000

Back at the mansion

Kurotsuchi winced in pain at the impact of Kakuzu's arm against her guard. She stumbled to the ground and deflected a stomp that would have left a hole in her chest with her sword, just about the only thing that was effective in parrying his punches and kicks. She took the sword in a reverse grip and thrust it upwards to his groin. Although there was a metallic clanging sound, it must have hurt him a lot, considering he stumbled off her.

She scrambled up into a standing position. It had been a few minutes since Naruto left and things weren't looking good for her. Kurotsuchi actually probably would have been able to hold her own against this guy under normal circumstances. But her pregnancy was sapping her strength. Already, she felt ready to drop and hurl whatever was left in her stomach.

"What do you want with us?" She hissed at the man. There was a lull in the fight and they were eyeing each up and down, thinking of a new attack strategy.

"I'm not here for you, though you do have a bounty on your head. Pretty high. Same price dead or alive. So I don't have to hold back," Kakuzu said in his gravely, stoic voice.

"Why do you want Naruto? Or Fu? Or Yugito? What's your plan for taking the bijuu?"

"I'm just here for the money," he said simply.

For a few seconds, there was only the sound of her breathing heavily and the enraged shouts of Fu from somewhere in the mansion.

Kurotsuchi opened her mouth to speak again, but a hand shot from underground, gripped her ankle and pulled. As she was being tugged underground, her face split open into a grin. "Eat shit and die, fucker."

Then she was gone.

Kakuzu quickly looked around him before bringing his attention to the mansion. He'd already sent his water heart to help take the two Jinchuuriki. It was under great duress. He looked around a little bit more. Shinobi might be hardy people that can do a lot of things, but they couldn't be underground for great lengths of time and they couldn't not breathe indefinitely. They also couldn't take much ground or water pressure. They'd have to come up for air soon. Until that happened, Kakuzu reasoned that he might as well help in the mansion.

He took a step to the large house. His foot hit something hard and pointy, then wire sprung up from the ground and wrapped up his leg to the thigh. Kakuzu tried to yank it out, but it was sunk deep in the ground and wouldn't budge. Taking emergency measures, he began to unthread his captured leg when even more wire sprung up and wrapped around his wrists. They were yanked to the ground backwards, exposing his face to the sky.

His skin burst apart and large monsters began to detach themselves from his torso. But that was stopped from the even larger amount of wire that came up from the depths of the earth and restricted them together. Kakuzu grunted and strained against the wiring, but it wouldn't budge a centimeter.

Something caught his eye. It was like a line of light that went straight up to the sun. Upon further observation, he saw that there were more. And more. And more. And lots.

Lines of wire

They all went up to the giant ball of fire in the sky.

Something that chilled him to the core became known.

The ball of fire was getting closer.

His effort redoubled, Kakuzu strained against the wires as hard as he could. Growling in frustration, he got the Lighting heart to discharge some electricity into the wires, hoping that it would weaken their integrity. That only made his muscles lock together though. He tried to melt the wires with the Fire heart. He tried to cut them with the Wind heart. He tried to break them with the Earth heart.

Nothing worked.

The mini sun was getting closer and closer. It had even begun to take a rough from. Defying all laws of physics, it began to point _towards_ him. Like a spear.

Or a needle.

In an act of desperation, Kakuzu sent the individual tentacles that the wires hadn't managed to close down into the ground. Miraculously enough, they hit fleshy objects. The sand just to his feet looked like a geyser as it spewed smoke from a dispelled shadow clone that was holding onto the wire from underground.

There was slack. Not a lot, but enough for him to get more tentacles out and into the ground. He didn't hit much, though he did hit enough to slacken the wire enough that he could get his right arm out of the bundle.

His plan was to get it to grasp onto a piece of the mansion still anchored into the ground, then pull his body away from the mini sun.

It didn't work out too well.

From inside the blazing inferno, a needle sword flew out of the hottest part and impaled Kakuzu's arm before it could get a foot away from his main body. The sword metal was so hot that it melted the iron hard skin the S-rank was so proud of.

Kakuzu looked back up to the sun heading his way. It wasn't far. Maybe a football field away and he could already feel the sand next to his body begin to crackle from the heat.

The sun fell faster and faster and faster until the only thing Kakuzu could see was a blinding white.

Then black.

00000000

Inside the mansion.

The water heart was dead, hacked to pieces with a single, uniform hole in the middle of its mask. There were no white Zetsus left. All were either rendered incapable of moving, burned beyond recognition, or just torn to pieces. The black Zetsu didn't look like it was capable of being tired, though it definitely did appear to want the fight to be over. Fu had already gotten a few pretty good shots in on the black Will of Kagura and it didn't want any more encounters.

God, that teenager was scary when she wanted to be.

But now she was tired. Not hurt, nothing could get through her exoskeleton shroud, but maintaining said shroud was tiring enough without having to look after a knocked out Jinchuuriki.

All superfluous appendages had sunk back into her body, leaving only her body armor, though she made sure to maintain a little more padding around her abdomen. Even if she couldn't get hurt, blunt force trauma could not be considered good for a developing fetus. Nothing happened yet to make her worry for her unborn child, but she didn't want to risk anything.

After the explosion of a sun outside the house, she wanted to get as far away from the black Zetsu and the creepy orange swirl mask guy as possible. It might be hard, considering her exhaustion, but she felt confident that she could run on the water fast enough to get to the Hidden Mist village.

She was looking to a hole in the wall, planning an exit strategy, when something flickered in her vision. When she looked back, the orange swirl mask guy was gone. This was worrying to her, especially considering the fact that he hadn't done anything to contribute to the fight she just had sans throwing a kunai or two. She hadn't seen anything to suggest lightning fast speeds.

She turned around just in time to get an eyeful of Tsukiyomi. Her body slumped to the floor. She was so tired that she wasn't able to put up any sort of fight to the mental infiltration.

Fu and Yugito were sucked into the Kamui holding area.

"Are there going to be complications?" the black Zetsu asked, walking up to Obito.

"With what?" Obito responded.

"The girl. The short one. She's pregnant. Is that going to factor in when we take the bijuu?"

"It shouldn't." Obito said curtly.

00000000

Outside the mansion.

"Would someone please tell me what's going on?" Kurotsuchi asked as she was brought back up for air from way underneath the ground.

"Wh-Wh…" Temari paused to take a deep breath "when I got hit with the zombie's fire jutsu, I enclosed myself in a pocket of air and kept it up with my wind chakra and my two fans." The wind mistress was currently leaning on her fan for dear life, sapped of chakra and strength. "It kept on feeding off the pocket of air, so I had to keep on adding to it. Started getting bigger and bigger and hotter and hotter."

"Then I," Naruto started, "sent a crap load of shadow clones under the ground and unfurled enough wire to keep an elephant down. While they were busy making a trap, I threw the Nuibari up to Temari, which she caught, then threw down. I did this enough times and scrambled up as fast as I could with chakra and made my own little bubble of air. I met with Temari, told her the plan, and then sprung the underground trap. While he was stuck in place, I reeled the Nuibari in, and destabilized the ball of fire right on top of the bastard."

Kurotsuchi took a few seconds to respond. "…So then… wait, I was bait?!"

"Yup." Naruto said with a smile. "Sorry, couldn't tell you the plan 'cuz it was so long."

Kurotsuchi's fists clenched. "But what if something happened to me, or the baby?!"

Naruto's smile vanished. "Because you're strong. Way stronger than that guy, even with all that stuff in his body. I trusted you. Plus, if things looked dicey, one of my clones would come up and get you out of there."

Seeing as this was not a satisfactory response in her head, Kurotsuchi began to physically and verbally berate Naruto for his strange, yet ingenious, plan. Temari didn't want any part of this and began walking to the glassy crater where the presumed melted remains of a certain zombie were to be found.

At the lip of the crater, she looked down at the tanned body of Kakuzu. Temari slid down and stood over him. His chest was still rising and falling. His limbs were gone and the sockets trailing those tentacles, only they were defunct and had no life left in them.

He coughed and spluttered a little bit, but said nothing.

"How did you survive this?" Temari asked, equal parts angry, confused, and bitter.

"F-Fire heart," he said, "shorted out the others."

"Bastard."

"You won't win, you know," Kakuzu said, his eyes still very open and very knowing. "A battle you can't win is on the horizon. No amount of money will save you from it."

"I don't want money," Temari snarled. She found the strength to life her war fan way above her head and looked down on the akatsuki member. "I want to kill the guy who cut off my leg."

The fan fell down and crushed his skull. Gray matter and tentacles spewed from his head like a balloon filled to capacity and then popped.

Temari stood up straight and looked down on the body of the hundred year old man.

Then she smirked.

Then she laughed.

Then she fell on her ass laughing.

Then she said "God, that felt good."

00000000

The land of Iron.

The battle settled down. Most of everyone was tired, but okay for the most part. Eisha the rock swimmer was down a few fingers, nothing a little medical chakra couldn't fix. There were a few casualties of the paths, but the survivors all withdrew once they got what they came for, Shukaku.

Nobody really knew what happened. They summoned some statue monstrosity with a redhead tied to the bottom, then violently tore the Tanuki from Gaara's seal. The moment Jiraya saw the redhead, he froze for a fraction of a second, allowing the enemy some time to impale him to the ground with a few chakra rods.

All this led to the current situation: Tsunade desperately trying to fix Jiraya with tears in her eyes, the other kage milling about and trying to get Gaara's dying body comfortable, and the underlings counting the dead samurai that got caught in the crossfire.

Jiraya raised a single hand to Tsunade's cheek and wiped away a tear. "Princess…" he murmured, "I'm dead, focus on Gaara."

"Don't say that Jiraya!" Tsunade all but screamed. Her voice cracked and a few sobs broke from her lips. "I'm going to save you!"

"Even the best medic can't fix a broken heart." Jiraya said, his eyes losing their luster. He laughed a little. "Broken heart… hehe."

"It- It's not that bad. The hundred healings…" Tsunade trailed off. Even she knew there were things that medic jutsu couldn't do. It couldn't put body parts back together that had undergone too much stress, damage, and decay. It couldn't make organs. And it couldn't fix a heart. Every time one got stitched back together, the heart gave out. Not one medic knew why. Not one medic knew how to make a heart work again.

Not even the best and most renowned.

Right then, she was just cycling the blood in his body for his heart, though he was losing too much that it was starting to become a moot point.

"Th-There's going to be a war, isn't there?" Jiraya asked.

"H-How did you-"

"Intuition." The toad sage coughed up some blood onto his already scarlet stained torso and face. "Y-You have to save Gaara. He's a leader of people… Me? I'm just an old hermit."

"Don't say that!" Tsunade screamed.

"…If you don't go now, he's going to die."

"I don't care! You're going to live. You have to live!" Tsunade said in hysterics.

Jiraya stared at her for what he thought was a long time. When he was done staring, he smiled and brought his hand forward into a single seal. "I think I finally understand you Tsunade."

Jiraya let out one final, grand, boisterous laugh, then activated the seal he put on his body should he ever be brought in for interrogation. The hidden seals lit up on his body for a fraction of a second.

Jiraya, the toad sage, one of the great three ninja, spymaster of Konoha, student of the Third, and teacher of Naruto was dead.

The only thing left of humanity on his grey face was a giant smile; one that he kept to the grave.

00000000

In the Kamui deadspace.

When Fu was knocked out, Chomei woke up. She looked around at the black ceiling and boxy surroundings.

Chomei did a quick diagnostics check and confirmed that nothing was wrong with her body. The fetus was perfectly safe and sound and the body was devoid of any injury other than weariness.

She stood up and did a once over around the whole place. Yugito was next to her, still unconscious, but fine otherwise. As far as anything that would detail why she was in there, nothing.

Then something flickered in her vision so fast she thought she might have missed it.

00000000

Outside Kamui.

Naruto thrust, swung, hacked, and did every other sort of maneuver the Nuibari had in its arsenal at the orange mask man. Nothing connected.

"Weren't you naked the last time I saw you?" Obito asked casually.

"Probably." Naruto muttered before withdrawing from the 'fight'.

"Nothing you throw connects" Temari whispered. "Do you have any wide-scale attacks?"

Naruto looked conflicted. "Uhh… I have… one. But it's not finished yet."

Obito quirked his head. Something the blond thought might work even though Obito had shown time and time again that he was incapable of being hurt through conventional methods? He had to see this.

Already, Obito had dismissed the black Zetsu, feeling that he could obtain the nine-tailed Jinchuuriki easily.

00000000

Inside Kamui

Chomei looked at the area right in front of her with a stare that spoke of wariness and caution. Little slices of human began appearing out of nowhere in front of her and she didn't know what it meant. To be careful, she spawned a single water blade just in case it was something that could hurt her.

00000000

Outside Kamui

Naruto held above his head a single rasengan that was beginning to have little wind formed blades come out its sides. It began to destabilize though and looked like it was about to explode when Temari stepped in and began to form the wind on her own.

This was an unprecedented technique. Chakra wasn't able to be thrown together like that unless it was carefully honed to the other person's personal frequency. It took great skill and an even greater knowledge of the character of the person that was being helped to even have a little bit of success.

They said something to Obito that he couldn't quite hear and threw the giant wind bomb at him.

He looked at it like one would look at a wiffleball thrown at him when he was most certainly not in the mood for a wiffleball to be thrown at him.

00000000

Inside Kamui

Obito's body came into existence right in front of Chomei. Surprised and a little bit agitated, Chomei thrust the sword in and out of Obito's torso as fast as she could.

Obito was most definitely _not_ expecting Fu to be awake, or at least her tailed beast, so he was stabbed a few times before he violently pushed her away.

Then he vanished.

00000000

Outside Kamui

"Did you see that?!" Temari asked loudly. "Wide area attacks work best against him."

The man was crouched over and holding onto the crimson fluid as it flowed out from his body.

Kurotsuchi cracked a few knuckles and smiled. A few handseals later and entire slabs of earth came from the ground and crushed Obito.

00000000

Inside Kamui

Chomei rushed forward and threw one more sword thrust at the crouching man. He caught the arm easily, but didn't react in time to avoid the knee that came crashing into his throat.

Then he vanished.

00000000

Outside Kamui

A sofa that was tossed from the wind of a fan flew at the downed man.

00000000

Inside Kamui

Holding onto Yugito, Fu ran forward and stomped on Obito's torso wounds.

Then he vanished.

00000000

Outside Kamui

When next Obito appeared, he chakra jumped away and spat out Chomei from his Kamui. He used the time Naruto, Temari, and Kurotsuchi spent making sure Fu was okay to teleport away. His abused body was not in good shape and he didn't think he'd have the time to get away without some sort of distraction.

He didn't mean to bunce Yugito out of Kamui too, though.

But that was immaterial to him at the moment. All he wanted and needed to do was to get back to his hideout and lick his wounds

**AN/ You know what? I know I'm late with the update.**

**You try typing after having a bit of your ring finger cut off. It hurts like hell and it makes the keyboard all sticky.**

**Anyway, there are only a few chapters left.**

**Have a gentlemanly day.**


	40. the last conversations

Chapter 40

A few days later.

The little gears in Naruto's arm was really upsetting him. Sure, the prosthetic was a marvel of modern engineering and he should be really grateful that in addition to the more civilian purposed prosthetic, he also got one that launched his needle sword at insanely high speeds, one that created a spinning death wheel that deflected ranged projectiles, one that unfurled his wire for him and created a net that could entangle even the slipperiest of foes, and even one that just had a lot of compartments for folding shuriken or kunai.

But holy shit, when there was just one little error, one _little itsy bitsy teeny weeny tiny _cog in the machine, the entire thing went to all hell. Naruto had to go through a pretty insane crash course in the mechanics of puppetry engineering to even understand how to repair even half the things that went wrong with his arms on a regular basis.

A lot things happened in the span of just a few days. Tsunade managed to save Gaara by doing some weird chakra injection thing that was supposed to mimic the Ichibi's chakra. Bee was declared dead after being pursued by both Kisame and the team Sasuke managed to put together. Bee even tried to deceive them by transforming his body into a tentacle and giving to them under his guise.

Didn't work. Not with a shark person there.

The shinobi were mobilizing, Tsunade was inconsolable after Jiraya's death and so was Naruto to a lesser extent, and everyone had that sort of hyperawareness that came from preparing to face death while simultaneously mourning.

Yugito woke up, but she was far too weakened by the attack to be placed on the punitive force. Fu and Kurotsuchi wanted to help with the war efforts by fighting on the front line. That line of thought didn't last long. Their bellies were finally starting to show. Whenever he saw them, he felt just a supreme feeling of pride and hope. They knew in their hearts that they weren't going to be fighting either. But it was hard for them. All they really had going for them, in their minds at least, was the fact that they were really good at fighting people. Naruto knew that if he was forced away from the fight, he'd be having some real difficulties trying to come to terms with that as well.

Mei managed to almost single handedly take down a sea monster of sorts and come to the rescue of the besieged Uzumaki manor. If she hadn't shown up with a combat medic, Yugito would have bitten it from chakra exhaustion.

And Temari, well Naruto hadn't actually seen a lot of Temari recently. He knew she must have been busy with… things, but there was always something more pressing on his mind than her. Like the death of his master, or the war going on, or the death of another Jinchuuriki, or talking two of his wives out of going out on the front lines. Plus, from his interactions with her at least, Naruto knew that she was a pretty self-sufficient kind of person. She was really good at operating at full power with little help.

As it was, they were all stationed in the Land of Wind for the push against the Akatsuki. Reports were coming in of giant forces of those white Zetsu.

Things were looking up for the Uzumaki.

And the- the little gears. They weren't working the way they were supposed to. The arm stopped half way to being fully extended and it was really frustrating Naruto to no end.

Kankuro was working fiendishly in his workshop along with the few other puppet masters in Sand trying to come up with the best, most expedient way to dispose of the Zetsu. Naruto couldn't come to him with his arm problem. It was his civilian arm. It wouldn't have any effect on the war and Kankuro didn't have any time to waste.

Naruto heard the door to his small room open and close. It was Temari. He knew it was her because he heard the light clicking sound that came from her knee and ankle joint. It could only really be heard when there was little to no sound in the room she was in. It quickly turned to white noise to everyone that spent any significant time with her.

"Heya," she said "What're you doing?"

"I'm, uuuhhhh," Naruto grimaced a little at the inner workings of his arms "Trying to work out a little kink."

Temari looked over his shoulder to see for herself what he was working on. "Looksh pretty complicated," she said.

"Mmmhhmm," Naruto hummed out.

"Heeyyyyyy…" Temari drawled out. "You know, I've been thunking."

Naruto straightened his back out and took in his surroundings in a bit more detail. There was a stink coming from Temari's breath, she didn't seem to be able to hold herself up, and she was slurring her words.

She was drunk.

"Temari, have you been drinking?" Naruto asked incredulously.

"Jusht a little ob dat… what're you call it? Fire Brandy- but don't worry, it shays non-alcoholic. I'm not an alcabolic."

Naruto turned around and quickly found the offending bottle in her grasp. She was in no state to evade Naruto's grab for it and relinquished control. He surveyed the label on the front and held it up to Temari. "It says: 30% alcohol. And half of it's gone. And you're an amputee, who needs less alcohol to get drunk because of the fact that you don't have as much blood in your system. How are you not dead?"

Temari squinted her eyes, put her hands together, and bowed. "Shinobi shecret," she mumbled out.

"Did anybody else have some of this, or was it just you?"

"Shinobi shecret," she said again with another bow.

"Does anyone know where you are?"

"Shinobi shecret."

Naruto sighed into his palm. "You shouldn't drink alcohol. It screws with your head."

"It shcrews in my head? OH MY GOD! WHO PUT SHCREWS IN MY HEAD!?" Temari unfolded her leg fan and thrust it out and around the small room, creating miniature gusts of wind that scattered anything that wasn't bolted down. It didn't last long, as she quickly lost her balance and fell on her ass. Naruto looked at her pathetic visage for a few seconds before wrapping one of her arms around his neck and lifting her up, supporting her from falling again.

The leg fan unfolded back into itself on its own. Temari didn't say anything as Naruto led her to his bedroom and laid her down on the bed.

"Are ya gonna fuck me?" Temari whispered, as if it was some great secret.

Naruto chuckled a little bit. "No, Temari, I'm not going to fuck you. Now get some sleep and get rid of that stuff in your system."

"But Naruutoooaoooaaahoooo. I wantcha to fuck me," she hissed out.

Even in her drunken ramblings, this piqued his interest. "Oh really?" Naruto asked. "Sure, let's have sex."

Temari's arms went up in the air and she let out a long-winded "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE." She then began to unbuckle her clothing with a little difficulty and a lot of frustration.

Naruto came over and started buckling up her clothing as fast as she could unbuckle it. "So why do you want to have sex?" Naruto asked.

"Becaush- becaush, I don't know. I've never dun it before."

"And you want to do it now? When you're drunk?"

"I'm not drunk. It said non-alcobalic. I'm not Arabic. I can't do it!"

"That makes no sense."

"Butcha know what doesh make sense?" Temari asked.

"I don't know, what?"

"Buttshex."

"Okay, Temari, I think you really need to go to sleep." Naruto said quickly, pushing her back onto mattress.

"But-But-but-buttabuttabutt-but," Temari, with a surprisingly strong grasp, took Naruto's lapels and shoved pulled his face really close to hers. "Whattabout the buttshex?" She whispered.

"I was lying," he whispered back.

She half-heartedly headbutted him away. It didn't really hurt, but he didn't want to be anywhere near a horny, angry, and intoxicated 17-year old, so he withdrew to a safe distance. She just sort of… sat there for a few seconds, lamenting in her failure to get laid.

"Hey Naruto?" She whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Am I pretty?"

"Yeah, you're pretty?"

"Am I reeeeaaallllyyyy pretty?"

"Yes, you're really pretty?"

"So, hey, you're really pretty. I'm really pretty. I think we can work shomething out."

"Maybe we can work on getting you to fall asleep?"

"Yesh. Maybe we can work on getting me to- Oh, wait. That'ssss wrong. Maybe we can work on getting you to put something in me?" She asked whilst furiously wiggling her eyebrows up and down.

"Have you had dinner? Maybe I can get dinner in you?"

Temari gasped and withdrew a little bit. "I'm not into that kunky stuff but I wouldn't mind sheminal fluids," she said all in one breath.

"I can ask Fu, or Yugito. They don't have seminal fluid, but they do have… the… female equivalent? What is that called anyway?" Naruto asked under his breath.

"NO!" She snapped. "I want your sheminal fluid. No one elshes."

"And why's that?" Naruto asked with one eyebrow quirked.

"'cuz I want your baybee inside of mee."

Naruto crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against a wall. "I really wish everyone else was here. This is better than when you were on meds."

"Meds? Beds! Med bed! We can have shex on a med bed."

"We'd be pretty hard-pressed to find one at this hour."

"You arrre right. We should just have shex here on thish bed. Sho shoft."

"We aren't going to have sex-" Naruto's diatribe was cut off by a loud grumbling coming from Temari's stomach. She groaned a little bit as accompaniment.

"Shee? My ovariesh jusht wanna- jusht wanna cut looshe."

Naruto backed up a bit. "Just… just wait here for a second, okay?" He went into the kitchen and pilfered around in the pantry for a little bit. After a bit of searching, he made a peanut butter sandwich and took it back to his room. He would have added jam, but the cost to keep things cool in the desert heat was astronomical. Refrigerators were a real luxury around those parts. Not even the room he was stationed in got one. It wasn't like that bothered him though.

"Hey Temari, you have to eat… the food…" Naruto's sentence trailed off as he took in the newest scene from his new most favorite program: Mentally Affected Temari-Chan.

She was on the bed, trying to shuck off the last remaining article of outer wear with great difficulty. She must not have had the ability to undo the somewhat complex knots that held her skirt together, so she decided to just wiggle out of the thing. It kept on getting stuck on her prosthetic, though. Eventually, she growled a bit and shredded the entire thing off with a well-placed wind blade. In her drunken state, she was just lucky she didn't manage to cut off her other leg in the process. Temari was left with naught on but her lavender underwear.

After achieving that personal victory, she gave a great whoop of joy and laid back down on the bed, then took notice of Naruto. "Ooohhhh hey Naruto-kyuuun. I'm ready for babymakin; what're 'bout you?"

"I think you just pissed yourself a little bit."

"Naaaaahhhh. That's wetnessh. Exchitement. Lubricanting- lubracunt- Lubbock- Leon- Najenda- I'M HORNY!" She finally screamed.

Naruto placed the sandwich on the nightstand and checked for himself. He got as close as he dared and took a whiff. Just a small little one. Not a big deal. At this point, he was dealing with a child, so that made it okay. Think of it as practice for when he actually does become a father.

He cringed a little bit and withdrew. "Yup, you pissed yourself."

Temari giggled a little bit. "Okay, maybe jusht a teenshy. Butt hey, brightshide. More Lubbockricant."

"I'm not into piss and poop."

"Ohohohohohoh. Butt you are okay with fucking a four leggad animal, for fucksh shakes."

Naruto didn't feel like arguing that point. "Yeah, I'm okay with that."

Her grin turned lecherous once more. "Ohhhhh, heyyyy. I've been wondering, are you into…" she looked around to make sure no one was listening on their conversation and dropped her voice real low "Amputee stuff."

"…Considering I'm an amputee, yes."

Temari burst out laughing. "Whatta freak you are. You're into puttinging it into girlsh with lessh than four- lessh than four- lessh than…" Temari looked down, specifically to her own prosthetic, then giggled some more. "Hehehehehehehe. You're into meeee? What an adblorable confesshion. That'sh sho cute, but I'm married, shorry."

Naruto was only half listening to the words coming out of her mouth, instead rifling through his drawer for some female panties that might fit her. Fu, Kurotsuchi, and Yugito had been visiting conjugally ever since they got there, so there had to be at least one for the sand mistress.

"And ya know what? He'sh an aweshome dude too. No, I swear it'sh true. He'sh a little niahve and doesn't know how to say no, but he'sh shweet."

"Uh-huh."

"Doeshn't have a clue though. Won't even shtick it in a PERFECTLY CONSHENSHUAL VIRGIN… who'sh afraid of dying without knowing what'sh it'sh like."

Naruto paused in his rifling for a second, then swiveled his head slowly to see her. Temari had calmed down for the most part and even started gnawing on the sandwich he made. She leaned back and sighed, flubbering her lips and spraying saliva everywhere in the process. "What'sh- what'sh shex like… Naruto?"

"It uhhh, it feels good, I guess."

She giggled a little bit more. "If it only felt gud, then it wouldunt matter ash much ash it doesh."

"No, there's more to it than that." Naruto finally picked something from the drawer and approached Temari with a bit of uncertainty. "Can you put this new, fresh underwear on?" he asked.

Temari nodded and took the panties. "But no peeking, huntai."

Naruto turned around to allow her to swap out the underwear. He could hear her struggling a little bit, but she finally managed it. He turned around to hear her laughing a little.

"Pink? I bet Pinkutshuchi really hated you for ashking for dat."

"How do you know it's hers?"

"Becaushe I just do! No more queshtions."

"Okay, okay." Naruto sat on the bed and forcibly put her body into a semi-recumbent state. "You ready for bed?"

"No, not until I get my bedtaim story."

"Okay then, where to begin? Once upon a time, there was a princess in a faraway land that had a terrible, weird family." Naruto paused to get a couple of light blankets and draped them over the horribly drunk girl.

"Who'sh that?"

"She's you. She had a negligent father, a psychotic brother, and an isolationist of another brother. What's worse? She was chosen to be married off to a person in a country unfamiliar to her own."

"Shounds like her life shucked."

"Oh, it did. Not only did she have to put up with being married off to an asshat who was younger than her, she had to learn how to get along with four others married to the same guy."

"And it wash hard. 'Cuz they were all so weird."

"Yeah, they were all so weird. But she got to know them better over the course of three years. She lost some things on the way though. A leg, a dad. But she also got some new things. Her brother back, some new friends, a few fun times."

"It shucked loosing my leg." Temari said with a pout.

"And it wasn't fun losing an arm. So the princess eventually got drafted for war. She got scared. Even though she was married, she hadn't found her prince charming yet. So she went to her husband so she could feel what it would be like, but he refused."

"What an ash."

"Yeah, he's an ass. But he knew that she should wait until she meets her prince charming, because he knew that she deserved better than someone who couldn't devote his full time to her."

"You know what Naruto?"

"Yes?"

"You're sho full of shit."

"Yup, I'm just trying to make you feel better. Ready for bed?"

Temari grumbled a little bit and scrunched the covers around her. "And what if she did meet her prince scharming?"

"Then she should have gone to him."

"What if she did? What if her prince scharming was her husband all along?"

Naruto paused for a fraction of a second. "Good night Temari."

"Good night. Love you."

"Love you too." With that, Naruto left his room for the workbench he had been working on previously. He was a few minutes into his arm before he realized that she told him that she loved him.

00000000

The next day, evening.

Naruto was sitting on a bench and enjoying the view of the setting sun. The Land of Wind was just such a beautiful place in the evening, when the sun was beginning to set and the sands were bathed in the pinks and oranges of the sky. A buzzing came from the sky and alighted near where Naruto was.

He and Fu sat like that for a while, just gazing at the sun set. No words needed to be spoken between them. They just sat there and enjoyed each other's company.

As the sun set and it got chillier in the Village of Sand, Fu drew closer and closer to Naruto until she was almost completely wrapped around him. "Hey Naruto?" she whispered.

"Hm?"

"Howya… howya holding up?"

Naruto turned his head towards her and planted a kiss on her chocolate forehead. "I'm fine, why?"

She looked a little unsure and sheepish as she responded. "Because… because you've been kinda cold lately. Cold like, not really there anymore. And I've caught you spacing out more than once… Listen, if it's about Jiraya, you can tell me. You can tell anyone."

"It's… uhhh. It's a bit hard to swallow, I guess. But I knew him better than anyone, I'll… I'll manage for the right now." Naruto nuzzled into her shoulder and rubbed around her abdomen affectionately. "Anyway, we have more pressing matters than that right now."

"The war?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Temari?"

"She was drunk, I'm sure she meant nothing."

"Mmm-hmm. Well what else could there be?" She asked with faked wonder.

"Maybe we get to names?"

"Names? Names of what?"

"Not names of what, names _for_ what."

Fu looked into his eyes with a bit of confusion, then understanding filled her face as Naruto started rubbing her belly a slight bit more. "N-Names. Right."

"I've been thinking; how about Konchu?"

"Insect?" Fu let out a hearty sort of laugh. "We're not naming our kid based on Chomei. Or any other sort of thing that has to do with that."

"Aww, why not? I always thought it would be cute. Cuter than a bug snug in a rug." That last sentence was pronounced by Naruto tickling her sides, which she managed to fend off after a few seconds of laughter and squirming.

"N- *hehehe* No, we can't bring someone into the world with the name Insect."

"Then how about… Midori?"

"Which can be read as… green?"

"Hey, it's a pretty good color. Nowhere near as cool as orange, though."

Fu lightly slapped Naruto on the chest. "Stop basing the names of our kid on me," she said, in reference to her hair.

"Someone's a little narcissistic," Naruto said huskily in her ear. "How do you know it's based on you? Maybe I just like that name."

"Well I don't," she said with an air of finality. "I don't want our baby to just think that he or she is defined by his or her parents. Anyway, we've got time to figure that all out. Got any names for Kurotsuchi's?"

"If it's a girl, then it's definitely gotta be Pinkutsuchi. Don't care if it ruins the marriage, it'd be too perfect to pass up."

Fu laughed heartily at that. "Well, you've got my vote."

Naruto straightened up in realization. "Larkspur."

"Larkspur? What's that mean?"

"Doesn't mean anything. It's a flower."

Fu's eyes went deadpan. "I've been around you and Temari long enough to know that it's never 'just a flower'."

Naruto consented to her point. "Okay, okay. It means levity, in the language of flowers."

One of Fu's eyebrows went up. "Levity, huh? Doesn't that mean happiness?"

"It means, like, carefreeness. Really, the dictionary term means something like frivolity, especially to something that has due respect. Anyway, I like it."

"Well, maybe if it's a boy. Can't imagine a girl running around named Larkspur."

"Well then… maybe… Amaryllis?"

"What's that mean?"

"Pride."

"Put it down for a maybe. Anyway, shouldn't these flower names go for when you knock up Temari?"

Naruto laughed a little. "And when's that going to happen? She doesn't see me like that."

"Love comes in a lot of different shapes and forms. For example, I never really saw the way I love you as a wholly romantic love."

One of Naruto's eyebrows quirked. "Wait, what? And when did this happen?"

"Oh shush. Just let me explain. When I was a kid, or like, around thirteen, just before I got married off to you, I read all sorts of books. Whenever I read a romance, it was either about a great and powerful soldier who fought off a dragon or something and saved the love of his life, or it was about a girl who fell deeply in love with a guy at first sight and pined after him the rest of the book. Never felt that with you."

"Oh really?"

"Really. To me, you were always my best friend. The person I could confide to with my secrets, the person who I knew wouldn't judge me, the person who'd always be there for me, the person who'd tell me I was stupid when I was being stupid. You never felt like you were trying and I never felt like I had to try. You were always comfortable, and that's what I needed more than anything."

"So all the times we had sex after that…"

"Of course I love you and I would never see anyone else in my eyes and yadda yadda yadda. I wouldn't be here carrying your kid if I wasn't devoted to this. But I never felt that _passion_. That feeling of just throwing away everything for someone."

"You haven't?"

"Have you? You know media over exaggerates everything. That super-duper lovey-dovey completely enthralled with the other person relationship doesn't exist. And even if it did, I wouldn't want to be a part of it. It sounds too… bleh. I need my me time," she said.

"Your point being?"

"I'm sure Temari loves you in some way. She had the choice of divorcing you and starting over, but she didn't choose that. She chose to stay. With you."

"And with you guys too. You do know that she sees you and the rest as her friends, right?"

"I'm sure there was some of that too."

"Let's… just… drop it for now. It's getting cold and we should be getting to sleep." Naruto got up and offered Fu his hand.

Fu laughed a bit and hopped on Naruto's back. "If you think you're getting sleep, think again. Chomei's in the mood again and so am I."

"Are you ever not in the mood?" Naruto asked.

"When I'm knocked out from a mind-numbing orgasm, or just knocked out from getting whipped too many times."

Naruto started on his merry way back to his small apartment. "One time, one time and you never let me live it down."

"And I never will." Fu said with a smirk.

00000000

The next morning

Naruto woke up to the sound of a katana being sharpened. To his side, Fu was still out like a light and the shadow clone that was once inhabited by Chomei had long since dispersed. To the foot of the bed was a slightly reclined Kurotsuchi busy with sharpening a frighteningly large amount of sharp implements. There were two piles, presumably one made up of sharpened and the other unsharpened. Both were equally as large.

Naruto yawned and lethargically went about his morning ritual. Showering, getting clothes on, brushing teeth, all done in about 5 minutes. Morning slowness aside, Naruto was a ninja; ninja did things expediently and without much preamble or fluff.

He eventually sat down opposite Kurotsuchi and took a spare sharpening implement from Kurotsuchi when she handed it to him.

"I'm going to help," she said "don't care if it isn't on the front lines, I at least have to fill a support role, or something. Else I'm going to go crazy."

"Maybe you could distract yourself with something a little less…" Naruto held up a particularly strangely shaped sword for inspection "Sharp?"

Kurotsuchi raised an eyebrow at his general direction. "And when did you lose your balls?" she asked with a huff. "You do know I'm a trained killer, right? I can sharpen a sword even if I do have a human inside of me."

Naruto shuddered a bit. "Wow, the way you phrased that sentence."

"Uh-huh. Oh, by the way, we're not naming our kid Pinkutsuchi, or after a flower."

Naruto groaned. "When did Fu manage to tell you? She was with me up until now."

"Wasn't her. It was the giant bug in her gut."

"At least consider it a little. If it's a girl-"

"No."

"But it would be so adorable."

"I don't want adorable. I want something solid, strong. Not something _girly_."

"You say that like it's a bad thing to have a girly name when you're a girl."

"Well, no, it's not. But I want something better. Something like Aotsuchi, or Daidaitsuchi."

"You and your naming conventions."

"Yeah, me and my- AH FUCK!" Kurotsuchi suddenly hiss-screamed as she accidentally sliced her palm open on a sword when her hand wobbled with the water stone in it.

"You see why I worry?" Naruto asked.

"Shutupandgetmearag." Kurotsuchi said all in one breath.

"Yeah yeah." Naruto made a show of slowly and laboriously getting up and walking to the bathroom, where he searched around in the cabinets for a few seconds before grabbing an ordinary towel that was hanging on a rack.

Kurotsuchi laughed breathlessly through the pain. "You- You fucking asshole."

Fu groaned and rose from the bed like a zombie from a grave, clumsily and with much confusion. "Whatzit?"

"Everything's fine, just go back to bed." Naruto said.

Fu gave Naruto a salute and promptly hit the bed with her face and smothered her head with the pillows. By the time that happened, Kurotsuchi had expertly wrapped the bandage around her hand, though it was already starting to bleed through.

"So what part of 'support role' do'ya think you're going to be playing?" Naruto asked, replacing Kurotsuchi as chief sharpener.

"Supply lines."

"SUPPLY LINES! DO-"

Kurotsuchi held up a hand to silence her husband's outburst. "I'll be prepping the supplies, not actually running them."

Naruto's concern deflated. "Well… good."

Kurotsuchi leaned back and sighed. "You couldn't have gotten me knocked up _after _the war?"

"You _want_ to fight in the war?"

"It's not that, I just want to make sure you don't die, or my dad, or Akatsuchi, or Temari, or really everyone. If- if someone dies out there and I know I could have saved them if I were out there…" Kurotsuchi's train of thought got quieter and quieter the more she spoke it.

Naruto shackled up to her. "And if a certain _someone_" he tapped her growing midsection "were to get hurt?"

"…It's… It's a bad situation all the way around, isn't it?"

Naruto wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "Yeah, it is. But you at least can know that I'm going to try my best to make it back with everyone behind me…" Naruto trailed off.

"Yeah?"

"…But, if I don't-"

"Naruto."

"No, just listen." Naruto paused to get his breath. "If I don't make it back, name her Pinkutsuchi, for real. I'm not joking, I really like that name."

Kurotsuchi nuzzled into his chest. "You're making it back, and when you do, I'm naming him or her something else."

Naruto rested his chin on her black hair. "Yeah, I'm making it back."

Kurotsuchi sighed from tiredness into Naruto and rested on him for a pleasant while.

"Oh, and by the way," Naruto started "why are you sharpening swords at the foot of my bed?"

"Living room was full."

"Full of what?"

"Temari got drunk again."

"Yugito and I are shipping out tomorrow!"

"We all cope differently."

Naruto shrugged that particular line of thought off and proceeded to snuggle his wife. He knew he'd have to leave soon to grab Sakura to fix her hand, but he was content to just sit like that for then.

00000000

The next day, afternoon.

Naruto waved back to the motley crew of people seeing him off. What remained of team 7, team 8, team Guy, team 10, most of the kage, Temari, Fu, and Kurotsuchi were all there with parting gifts. It might have been advice from Ai, a kiss from Kurotsuchi, an ass clasp from Mei, a porno from Kakashi, a hug from Sakura, or even a set of ankle weights from Guy and Lee; but they all showed up with something to give, something Naruto couldn't have ever thought he'd be getting three years ago.

The sands shifted in the winds and he eventually couldn't make out their faces anymore. He turned to his traveling partner and gave her a big smile. "So where exactly are we headed?"

Yugito turned a solitary, tired eye towards him. "You didn't get briefed."

"I got briefed that it had to do with me somehow fully controlling Kyuubi's power."

Yugito turned her head back to the distant horizon. "We're going to a turtle, a big turtle."

Naruto sweatdropped. "A turtle?"

"A really big turtle that's been around Lightning country ever since pre-shinobi times."

Naruto shrugged. "Okay, so a big turtle's going to teach me how to not lose my mind when I get past three tails of power?"

"That's just about the gist of it."

Naruto walked slightly past ahead of her and turned around, continuing to walk backwards in their general direction. "So we're going to the exact extreme of where we are now in… 2 days? Then we're going to be there for however long it's going to take to get me to get full control, then we're going to regroup?"

"There a problem?"

"Well, yeah. How are going to get there in that amount of time, are we going to have to look out for the Akatsuki hunting us down, and why are you so sad?"

"In that order: a series of reverse summonings, no one knows about this other than the kage and the other four, and I received news that I lost someone I considered a dear friend."

Naruto lost his happy-go-lucky expression for a slightly more serious one. "You know, I considered Bee a friend too."

Yugito sighed. "I know you did. Bee isn't the first friend I lost, but it really hits home for me."

"If you ever need-"

"Anyone to talk to, I can come to you. Got it. I know. I love you Naruto, I really do. I know I can come to you for anything and vice versa, but sometimes we all just need some time alone to sulk it over."

Naruto turned around and continued walking by her side. "I know, how about we talk about something else to get our minds off of this?"

Yugito undid the clasp of her canteen and started drinking "Oh yeah? Watcha thinking?"

"What we're going to name our kids."

Yugito accidentally inhaled the water and started coughing up liquid and burping up the air that got caught in her trachea all the while Naruto was doubled over laughing.

After Yugito regained her composure and Naruto received a swift swat to the back of the head, she responded. "If we're having kids, they're going to have to be good names, like Zee, or Kay."

"Maybe if they're twins, we can call the girl Ne, and boy Ko?"

"Neko, huh? If they're twins, how about Death and Decay?"

"Weird, but not the weirdest I've heard. Maybe we can get rid of names all together and just refer to them as the Troublesome Terror."

Yugito lightly laughed. "How about Moth and Zilla?"

"Blonde and Blond?"

"Aren't those the same?"

"One of them has an e at the end."

Naruto and Yugito passed the remaining time of the trip like that, providing names that got weirder and weirder the more they spoke.

**AN/ Not much to say **

**Other than, of course,**

**Have a gentlemanly day.**


	41. the end

Chapter 41

In an old room on a large turtle in the middle of the sea.

"So what am I supposed to do again?"

"Simple. For as long as there've been Jinchuuriki in Kumo, they've been sent here to get control of their powers. The ones who get past the waterfall of truth enter here and get into a meditative state to forcefully wrest away the powers of the tailed beast inside of them."

"But Kurama already lets me use her power. How is that any different than what I'm trying to do?"

"The difference is that now that you've confronted and defeated your hate, you shouldn't go on rampages no matter how much chakra you pull."

Naruto shrugged and sat down in the strangely white, desolate room and got into a meditative pose. He quirked his eyebrows when he noticed Yugito emulate what he did. "What're you doing?" he asked.

"I'm coming with," Yugito declared "It's really just a formality, but I want to be there with you when you unlock the full power of the Jinchuuriki."

They tapped knuckles and just like that, they weren't in the white room anymore and appeared in the mental area that Naruto and Kurama inhabited.

Wasting no time at all, Naruto walked forward to her and held out his hand, which she took in her own hand. He smiled at her and she smiled back. Naruto felt power rush into every fiber of his being. It didn't feel invasive though. It felt more like a warm campfire was being lit in his veins. Warm, yellow, like he were back home in his mother's arms, cooking dinner, or helping his wives-

Wait.

Naruto looked around, suddenly gaining back his cognizance, and looked at the young woman in front of him. She couldn't have been older than 25 or so and had a kind, motherly sort of smile. In fact, that seemed to be the only thing she was capable of doing, smiling.

She smiled

And smiled

Then smiled some more.

"Uhm… who are you?" Naruto ventured.

"I'm your mum, believe it," she said, barely able to keep the tears in her eyes as she looked at her son "I'm uuhh, I'm Kushina Uzumaki. I'm here to help you restrain the Kyuubi."

Naruto snapped his fingers. "So you're like when- when dad came. But he was only chakra, and, and, and…" Naruto stopped talking and instead shot forward and enveloped his mom in a bone crushing hug, which she reciprocated with twice the force. Then Naruto started laughing and his mom started laughing twice as loud. Then he lost the feeling in his legs and fell on his ass, something Kushina was only too willing to point and laugh at.

When he was able to speak once more, he asked "Mom- eh, I know dad came by to redo the seal if I ever lost myself, but… why are you here?"

Kushina laughed a little and bumped her fists together in a threatening fashion. "We're here to kick the Kyuubi's ass and take all his chakra."

Naruto chuckled a little bit. "Hehehe… what? Kurama? She's harmless."

Kushina's smile faltered ever so slightly. "We are talking about the Kyuubi right? Lord of demons? One tail swish will crumble mountains, raise tsunamis, bathe the forests in fire? Most terrifying bunny-eared fox-human hybrid in the world? Put a tremendous burden on my body and mind? Kind of a bastard? That Kyuubi?"

Naruto shrugged. "She got nicer. She also decided she was a she; and now we help each other out."

Kushina lost the ability to speak momentarily. She was, however, spared from looking slow in front of her son by the new matter that popped into existence. Namely, a rather capable looking Kumo kunoichi that rushed to her son's side, protectively draped an arm around him, and took in the situation like a trained professional.

"Who's she?" Yugito asked with sharp, distrusting eyes.

"She's my mom!" Naruto blumbled with barely contained jubilance. "Her name's Kushina and she's kickass. Mom, this is Yugito," Naruto said, introducing them.

Kushina stared at Yugito warily. She wasn't too fond of Kumo ninja, especially considering she'd been kidnapped by a whole squad of them looking for better genes in their forces. The nightmares she had of that night happened periodically up until as late as a few months before her death. That being said, Kushina believed in a world that knew peace and understood that things must have changed in the 16 some odd years she'd been gone from her son's life. For all she knew there might be a peace treaty betwixt the two nations.

Kushina's words faltered in her mouth for a second before she got her bearings straight. "I- I'm sorry, my name's Kushina Uzumaki. It's so nice to know that Naruto had someone there for him growing up, even if you two are from different-"

"Woah, wait," Naruto interrupted. "Yugi wasn't with me growing up."

"I kinda was."

"Well… I guess you have a point there."

Kushina eyed the two confusedly. "I'm sorry, I just assumed that since you were holding onto my son so affectionately that you two must have been together for a long time. Like…" Kushina tilted her head to the side and squinted her eyes "adoptive mother?" she guessed.

Naruto laughed loudly at that, while Yugito's expression got a bit darker.

Kushina started getting a little worried "step sister?"

"Haha. Nah."

"Sister-in-law?"

"How would that even work?"

Kushina started getting desperate. "Caretaker? Maid? Sympathetic villager?"

"Nope, nope, nope."

"Secret ANBU ordered to look after you?"

"Nuh-uh."

"A little girl who has a crush on you, but you don't see her as a romantic interest and so she uses a transformation to try to get you to notice you?"

Naruto tilted his head to the side. "Huh?"

"A friendly ghost?"

Naruto shivered. "Hate ghosts."

Kushina tried her hardest to escape from the reality that her son appeared to have been corrupted by an older woman. "The Niibi taken human form."

"She is the Jinchuuriki, but no."

Kushina put that little packet of information aside for later. "A relative of Minato's that I don't know about?"

"Nope."

"Pet turned into a human? Tsukumogami?"

"Tsukumowhatiwhat?"

Kushina stopped freaking out for a second and took a deep breath. "I clearly misread the situation. Just for clarification, how old are you?" she asked Naruto.

"16."

"And I'm 21."

"She's actually 29."

Yugito elbowed him hard in the ribs, but instead of cringing in pain (as he should have), he couldn't help but smile at the situation happening around him.

Kushina got a creepily friendly smile on her face. "And just to be clear. The nature of your relationship…"

Naruto wrapped an arm around Yugito's waist and pulled her very tightly to his chest. "She's my wife," he said in a chipper tone of voice.

Kushina stared long and hard at Yugito, who couldn't quite meet her gaze.

"You seductress."

"Mom…"

"He's a _child_! How dare you take advantage of his heart like that?!"

"Mom, I'm not a child."

Kushina continued on her overprotective motherly rant while Yugito could only keep her head down and try her hardest not to speak up so as to provoke more fury from the mother bear.

Naruto was trying his best to cool his mother off and hopefully get some answers he'd been wanting to hear all his life. He came to realize that the only way he was going to get her to stop was to shock her out of her rant.

"Congratulations!" he suddenly cried out. "You're going to be a grandmother!"

Dead silence.

Kushina glared at Yugito some more. "I'm 24 years old. I'm too young to be a grandmother," she hissed out through clenched teeth and hateful eyes. The fiery redhead switched tactics suddenly. "I swear to all the gods in the air, sea, earth, and who knows how many other places that if you ever make my son unhappy, if you ever hurt him, if you ever cheat on him, I will _end_ you."

Yugito mumbled out something unintelligible.

"What was that?" Kushina hissed.

"You should worry about _him_," Yugito said boldly, seeing a way to turn the tides in the conversation. "He has sex with four other women on a regular, casual basis."

Dead silence.

Kushina's devil eyes slowly swiveled to her son, who was already starting to douse the hellfire he was about to experience. "There has been a terrible failure to communiBLAUGH" Naruto's words were stopped mid-sentence by the fist that hit his jaw and sent him flying across the yellow inception mindscape.

Yugito tried desperately to stifle her laughter in her palm, but immediately stopped when the devil eyes turned back to her.

"Those four other women," Yugito added, as if it were an afterthought "he's also married to them. And I'm not the one who's pregnant."

Kushina's mysteriously floating hair drifted back to its usual straight position and her fist slowly unclenched from the state of Godhand. One could practically hear the creaking of her neck joints as she turned her head to Yugito, a pained, confused expression on her face.

"You're going to have to explain what happened while I was gone." She said in a low, threatening tone of voice. Almost like she was going to murder someone should the answer be something she didn't want to hear.

*a few seconds later*

Kushina's eyes were unreasonably watery by the time she finished hearing the story of Naruto's life. She sniffled once and dragged Yugito over for a mother bear hug. Yugito, not knowing in what capacity she should comfort her mother-in-law, decided on slowly patting her head.

"I'm so sorry my husband was such a moron," Kushina choked out.

"He really was…" Yugito said, trying to comfort the mother grieving over her husband's stupidity.

"B-But, hey," Naruto said from off to the side a little. "Things worked out for the best."

"You're 16!" Kushina bleated out, untangling herself from her daughter-in-law, "That's too young for you to be a father. That's too young for you to be having sex. And it's most certainly too young for you to be married, much less to 5 partners."

"I am going to be a fantastic father," Naruto said in defense.

"I-I didn't say you weren't…"

"Don't worry," Yugito said, clapping a hand on Kushina's shoulder. "We won't let him have free reign."

"What's that supposed to mean?" cried a despondent Naruto.

"It means what it's supposed to mean," Yugito replied chidingly.

Kushina chuckled slightly at the antics of the married couple before she caught herself and groaned a little. "Uhhnngnh. I'm really going to be a grandma. Even if I were alive, I'd be 40. 40 is still way too young to be a grandmother."

Naruto shrugged. "Ehh, that's life for ya. But that's not important right now. I wanna hear about how you and dad met, and what Kakashi looks like under his mask, and other things that you thought of naming me, and, and, and-"

Kushina sat down, prompting Naruto and Yugito to do the same. "Well, I guess I'd have to start…"

*a few seconds later*

"Aaaahhgh," Naruto mumbled in a childish frustration.

Kushina shrugged. "He's had the mask for as long as I've known him. I don't think he takes it off even when he showers."

"But still," Yugito said "that's a pretty adorable way for you to fall in love."

Kushina blushed out of embarrassment. "Well how did you two fall in love?"

"It just kinda crept up on me out of nowhere," Yugito replied.

"How was I supposed to say no to a woman who saved my life?" Naruto said.

Yugito harrumphed. "That makes it sound like you only love me because I saved you."

"If that was true, then Kakashi would be one of your sister wives," Naruto said with a chuckle. "But, yeah… I've always loved her. That love suddenly going romantic wasn't really that much of a change."

Kushina deadpanned at the two. "Those are pretty sucky stories."

"Well what do you want to hear? I fell in love with her the second she punched my uvula with her tong-" Naruto's mouth was snapped shut when Yugito slapped a hand over it. She was left smiling an embarrassed smile and trying her best to not make eye-contact with the fearless woman.

Kushina's disapproving eyes made her sweat bullets like no one's business.

By about the time Naruto removed Yugito's hand from his mouth and was preparing to make a clever retort, he noticed that his mom starting glowing a weird golden color.

"M-Mom, your… hands…" he stuttered out.

She looked down at her glowing appendages and felt her breath hitch. Kushina looked back up slowly with tears in her eyes and a sad smile on her face. "I want you to listen right now Naruto."

Naruto gulped painfully and nodded his head.

"I want you to know that no matter what happens, no matter who you love or how many you love, whether you win or lose… I will always love you," Kushina flew forward and enveloped her son in one last, long hug. "and I will always be proud of you."

At this point she was rapidly degenerating, allowing Naruto to only hold on tight and hug his mom for all his strength in him.

"Oh," Kushina said, suddenly realizing something and looking over to Yugito "don't worry, you have my approval. And don't let him give any of my grandchildren weird names."

Yugito nodded and gave the disappearing woman a thumbs up.

And just like that, she was gone.

And just like that, they were back in the normal mindscape.

And just like that, Naruto found comfort in the loving arms of those he was bound to for the rest of his life.

00000000

A few hours later, on a grassy battlefield.

A slash here, a cut there, a pull of the wire way over there and White Zetsus were turned into confetti and summarily sprouted into greenery of varying sizes. Naruto was having the time of his life helping out the war effort by annihilating the enemy with copious amounts of wind chakra infused Nuibari slashes and sealing away particularly dangerous reanimations.

From his understanding, he was one clone of about 50, all distributed across the battlefields. There had already been a few casualties amongst the clones that had been taken off guard by some of the sneakier reanimations, but his position there was still a significant bolster to the army's defenses.

Even if he hadn't been there, it probably would have been a complete rout either way. With the different armies of the nations all training together for about 3 years in a space that supported friendship and synergetic combinations of battle styles, it was only natural that they learned how to work together in the most efficient way possible. It was for that reason that Naruto knew his presence there was merely a way to make the tidal wave of victory bigger and to mitigate losses.

Naruto, or that particular clone, as it should be noted, received the Nuibari by defeating Kushimaru, who had somehow summoned the sword back to himself after being reanimated.

As it turned out, Kushimaru wasn't really one for heartfelt, master-student sentimentality when it came to meeting his successor of the Nuibari style of combat. He was more likely to try and murder you from behind and make sarcastic remarks whenever that didn't work.

On one hand, Naruto found out why he was such an asset to the military of the Mist as he lived, because he was friggin hard to kill. On the other, he was batshit crazy. Naruto didn't feel the least bit remise when he finally locked the psycho in a sealing arrangement for as long as the reanimation was called.

It was starting to look like the Fourth Great Shinobi War was only to last about a week at most, seeing as it took slightly longer to get to the turtle than he thought it would.

From the news he received from the carriers, Kurotsuchi and Fu were back at home base in Suna, preparing weaponry and medicine for transport, Yugito was wrecking Pain on a battlefield somewhere away from where he was with the help of a few of the kage (some of the details were withheld from him for some reason), Temari was leading the long-distance fighting brigade, and Mei was surprisingly close to where he was, fighting the Black Zetsu.

A slice here, a rasengan there, and a fling of the grand needle sword way over there. Zetsus were getting cut up like no one's business. Naruto was actually having so much fun that when he finally ran out of things to hit, slice, and generally eviscerate, it came as a slight shock to him. He didn't have much time to look around and get a feel for his surroundings before he heard an enraged cry from off in the distance and a heavy silence fall over the battlefield.

Naruto was there in an instant and just in time for him to witness the last trailing chakra recede back into the Hiramekarie that Chojuro was holding, as well as the Black Zetsu he had been fighting to fall into two halves onto the grassy ground. As he couldn't sense any more hatred (or at least of the planty kind) in the general vicinity, he turned off his Kyuubi-sage mode powers and called out to the ragged looking swordsman. "Hey Chojuro!"

The swordsman started slightly and brandished the Hiramekarie around at the blonde before he realized who exactly was calling to him. He then dropped his guard with a relieved sigh, sheathed his large sword on his back and waved back at Naruto. "Hey, what's up?"

The Naruto clone pranced happily up to Chojuro and held out his closed fist for a bumping. "Nuthun much. You looked pretty cool there right now."

Chojuro blushed a little and smiled sheepishly. "Nah, I was just doing what I could do. It was mostly Mei who-"

As soon as the word "Mei" left his mouth, a navy blue blur slammed into Naruto and disrupted the conversation. Soon enough, Chojuro was standing around with an embarrassed look on his face as Naruto got his mouth invaded by his superior in command. Naruto, for his part, tried to get the woman off of him, but she was physically stronger than him and was very much happy to see her lover after such a long time away from him.

Eventually, seeing as they were going to be entwined for a while, Chojuro left them to their devices and started ordering the Daimyo Protection Squad in her stead. They all followed his orders without question and started on their various tasks of patrolling, protecting, scouting, and cooking. Cooking was very important; after all, the deciding factor in any engagement had to be morale of the soldiers. That, and training… and superior numbers… and better tactics.

It had nothing to do with the fact that Chojuro loved him some good fried fish; and the fact that the shinobi he ordered to start cooking was ordered to cook fried fish was completely coincidental.

Completely.

As the shinobi got on with their jobs, Mei, somewhat despondently, stopped trying her hardest to strip Naruto's clothes off and got off of him. Naruto sat up suddenly and started taking large sums of oxygen that he had previously been neglected of.

"Sh- *huff huff* Shouldn't we do something productive?" Naruto asked.

Mei shrugged, wrapped her arms around Naruto, and rested her head on his shoulder. "Chojuro's got it."

"Yeah… he does, doesn't he? Cho's starting to be a bit less… shy?"

"He's getting more combat experience and that's getting him confidence. He's going to be a magnificent leader someday."

This piqued Naruto's interest. "Someday soon?"

"I never really liked running a village. Too politicky. Being the leader of a rebellion wasn't easier, but at least it was simpler. I didn't have to worry about how the farmers thought about the nutrient deficiency their soil was starting to face, or about the stuck up nobles who only want to line their pockets, or about blah blahblah blahblah blah blah blah blah. I think I'll like it when I can just laze away the day with you."

"That doesn't sound so bad. You don't really sound like the kind of person to 'laze', though."

"Okay, we'll go for a hike. See a pretty sunrise. Put a human inside of me."

Naruto cringed a little bit. "What is up with my wives and their inability to make pregnancy sound like something natural?"

"And I've already got a name figured out," Mei said, ignoring Naruto's little addition to the conversation completely.

"Well that's good. 'Cause apparently all the names I make are terrible."

"Aww, honey, they're not all terrible. Most of them are, but not all of them. Some are even halfway decent."

Naruto's face went gloomy. "So… names?"

"If it's a girl, I'm naming her Umi. If it's a boy, I'm naming him Kon."

"The Sea, and… Navy Blue?"

"Mmmhmm."

"I like them. They're simple."

"They certainly aren't Larkspur and Amaryllis."

Naruto groaned. "Who told you?"

"Yugito."

"Yugito knows? And in the brief time that we've been off the turtle island, she has not only came to see you, but she's also told you about baby names I've been bouncing around?"

"We're mysterious creatures, us women."

"I wouldn't argue that."

Their train of thought was interrupted by an intrepid and quivering Mist chunin trying to gain the voice to speak. Getting the idea that the girl was a fangirl or something and wanted a piece of her man, Mei hugged Naruto a bit closer to her cleavage and narrowed her eyes and her new rival. "Yes?" she asked.

"Oh, uhhmm- M-Mizukage-sama. That is- to- erm… I'm a field medic… and…"

"And…?" Mei was staring at the girl with enough force to shatter glass and make even the manliest of men think twice about looking in her general direction.

"I've ahh… been sent to- ahahhmm."

Mei's hand gradually lowered until she was practically cupping Naruto's baby makers. "He's fine. He doesn't need a physical and he isn't donating semen," she said sternly, causing Naruto to splutter somewhat in surprise.

"Sperm requests? Is that a thing that's been happening?" he asked incredulously.

"Oh, you have no idea. The amount of documents I've put to the shredder over the past month…"

"I've actually been sent to, ach-hem, make sure _you're_ okay," the girl finally managed to get out.

Mei's animosity was gone in an instant and so too was her energy, it seemed. She barely managed to get out an "I see" before she slumped on the ground next to Naruto unconscious. Naruto immediately began freaking out while the medic kneeled on the ground and calmly did a quick diagnostic.

If he were in his right mind, he might have concluded that it was absolutely adorable that Mei staved off physical, mental, and chakra exhaustion in order to spend time with him in a war zone. However, his state of mind was in the "don't trust anyone. Things want to hurt you. This is a war," leading to his inability to rationally hear out the chunin who wasn't a fangirl.

"She's going to be fine, it's only chakra exhaustion," she said to Naruto.

Naruto didn't hear this; he was too busy babbling out nonsense about a proper marriage ceremony and baby names.

"She's going to be fine," the girl said a bit more sternly.

This too, was ignored.

"SHE'S GOING TO BE- oh fuck it," the medic stood up and lashed out a chop to the back of Naruto's neck, hoping it would get him to chill out in the form of surprise! unconsciousness.

She didn't know he was a clone.

Naruto vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving her to her confused devices.

00000000

A few hours later.

Before Naruto was the ginormous ten-tails. Its form was misshapen and ugly. Its power was monstrous. Its aura was intimidating. The legions of seasoned veterans behind him were quivering in their sandals, even knowing that it was temporarily restrained by the kages and their combined sealing power.

All was not lost though. He could feel a familiar chakra signature coming up from behind him, traveling at speeds that might have put Ai to shame. It landed in front of him in a plume of smoke.

When the air was clear and all was silent, Sasuke looked back at Naruto and said "Hey dobeBLARGHH." Sasuke's cool and angsty greeting was interrupted by the paw of a blue fire cat crashing into his face and launching him back to a few feet behind Naruto.

Through fits of laughter, Naruto tried to stop Yugito from hurting him any more than she already had. He wasn't very successful in stopping her, but Sasuke wasn't one to be trifled with. She only managed to get a few good shots at his pretty boy face before he got his bearings and stopped her fists of fury.

"Yugito, he's on our side now," Naruto finally managed to get out.

The cat woman in question stopped mid-punch to look at her husband as if he grew another head out of his dick. "He's on our side now?" she asked accusingly "He tried to _kill_ you. More times than one. He's a fucking sociopath."

"I'm not a sociopath."

"Shut it, pretty boy," Yugito hissed between clenched teeth.

Sasuke "Hn'd" and started to calmly apply bandages to the area where he got his face pummeled in.

"He got the stuff out of his system," Naruto replied simplistically. "Plus, we need all the manpower we can get a hold of."

"Then why don't we recruit the sharks? Oh, that's right. SHARKS DON'T MAKE FOR VERY GOOD ALLIES."

Naruto put up a conceding hand. "We can argue semantics later. Right now, we have the ten-tails to take down."

"I don't think semantics means what you think it means."

"Neither do I."

"Wait, what?"

Another person jumped in on the conversation from the group of ninja behind them. "Sasuke's an important teammate and friend to us. Nothing he will do will stop us from trying to save him. And we _will_ forgive him."

"Hey Sakura," Naruto called out, as if all of the world wasn't hanging in the balance.

"Sakura," Sasuke said simplistically with a nod.

Sakura sighed, walked over, and undid the damage Yugito did to him. "Don't talk to me right now, Sasuke."

Yugito had her head in her hands. "You people are weird."

"_You_ have no right to call people out on their weirdness, Ms. Harem Member Number 3," Sakura said with a bit of vinegar.

Yugito growled lowly. One could practically see the hackles raising on her neck. Although she definitely did have the wherewithal to not get into a fistfight with girl more than 13 years her junior in the shadow of a being who had the power of a god, Naruto still felt the need to ramp down the animosity between the two before things got bloodier than they already were.

"Sasuke," he said, interrupting the fight that wasn't really a fight but also kind of was "You still have the summoning, right?"

"Hn."

"I swear to god, if you grunt one more time, I'm going to rip your balls off."

"Yugito…"

Yugito harrumphed. "I'll do my best to get rid of the small fry. You three do your best to do whatever needs to be done."

They all nodded and summoned their respective bosses from their summoning contracts. If Jiraiya were alive, he might have shed a tear at the sight of the revival of the Sanin.

But he wasn't.

Because he was dead.

Yugito morphed into her full form and charged ahead at the ten-tails, destroying the beings that it spawned out of itself due to its trapped state. Hellfire spewed from her mouth. Her claws gouged the earth and sundered her enemies. Her tails created entire swaths of scorched earth and herded her quarry towards her.

The friends of Naruto also joined in the fight, eager to lend a helping hand to their friend. Most notable of them, was Temari, who took to the air with the help of her fan and prosthetic and began raining down wind blades on the enemy interlopers. Their bodies were not made to fly and any projectiles they tossed at her were easily dodged and returned to their owners through their cranial cavity. They were made easy pickings for her advanced and unique fighting style.

*elsewhere*

"Mnnhhnnn. I wanna help."

"Shut up Mei," Tsunade rasped out.

"Okay."

*elsewhere*

"AH FUCK!"

"You're really bad with the sharpening stone, aren't you?" Fu asked, setting aside another sharpened shuriken in the bundle next to her.

"Shut up Fu," Kurotsuchi grumbled as she wrapped her hand in a bloodied towel.

"Okay."

00000000

A few hours later.

"I'm not gonna keep repeating myself to you! Jeeze, you still don't get it…?! Well, I guess it can't be helped… you were always pretty exceptionally stupid, after all…!"

"…Shut it… Dobe."

"Am I interrupting something?"

Naruto's and Sasuke's heads creaked to the side to get a glimpse at the newcomer to the conversation. She was sitting on the lip of the cliff overlooking the two brothers in all but blood. Her sandy blonde hair was done up in four pigtails and she had an absolutely beaming smile on her face.

"Oh, hey Temari. You found us. We need a medic."

"You've survived this long," Temari said with a far off look on her face.

Naruto coughed and spluttered a little bit. "I'm in a lot of pain."

"Eh?"

"Eh? Is that all you have to say?"

"Yup, that's all I have to say and all I need to say," Temari whispered out. "Hey look, the sunrise looks so nice."

Naruto's and Sasuke's heads creaked to the other side to look at the rather nice looking sunrise.

"I really like sunrises," Temari whispered airily.

Naruto's and Sasuke's heads creaked back to look at Temari. "Are you okay?" Naruto asked "You're talking weirdly."

"I'm just… nervous because of… something."

"This is literally the worst time for you to be evasive," Naruto said brashly.

Temari took a deep breath and hopped down off the lip and stood over the hurt Uzumaki. "I'm going to say something right now and I need you to not laugh, or interrupt, or cough, or die while I'm doing it."

"No promises *cough*"

Temari took another deep breath and started pacing around. "I haven't really ever felt strongly towards any one person in my life. I didn't have a lot of friends because everyone was scared of Gaara. Kankuro and dad were really distant. Foreigners looked down on me because I was from Sand."

She stopped pacing around and knelt down next to the Uzumaki. "Until I met you. I love you. Or, I'm _in_ love with you. Or, I love certain aspects about you. Or, I don't know. I know that I feel strongly to you and that I want to explore that feeling. So I guess what I'm trying to say is: would you like to go on a date sometime?"

Naruto summoned all the life force in his body to bring forth a chuckle. "Sure, I'd like a date sometime-"

"No ramen."

"-Okay, no ramen. Still, don't you think there could have been a better time for this?"

Temari beamed at her fallen boyfriend/husband. "Nope. I couldn't wait a single second longer to tell you this. I actually had this whole speech planned out…"

"Can you two get a room or something?" Sasuke asked with a rare, embarrassed smile on his face.

"Shut it, numby."

"Numby?"

"Yeah, 'cuz you're numb to emotionOOFFF." The air rushed out of Naruto's lungs as Temari suddenly decided that his abdomen was good a place as any to sit. "You've squished my insides-" Once again, Naruto's sentence was cut off mid speaking when Temari leaned down and began kissing him.

Sasuke rolled his eyes a little and tried to direct his attention elsewhere. "Why does he get all the bitches?"

"'cuz he doesn't refer to us as bitches, asshat."

Temari suddenly ceased her mouth to mouth muddling and looked up to see Kurotsuchi with a shit-eating smile on her face and Fu with a sort of depressed one.

"I so told you she was gonna confess before the war was over. Come on, bring it forward."

Fu grumbled a little bit and fished around in her pockets for a few crumpled bills and handed them over to the glowing Stone kunoichi.

Naruto had trouble processing this. "Wait, how did you get here?"

Six insect wings popped out of Fu's back and started humming. "With the power of flight," she said simply.

"How did you know where I was?"

"Guessed. It made the most sense. Symbolically, it made the most sense at least. After that, I just looked for the biggest crater."

"And I tried not to puke," Kurotsuchi chimed in. "We were flying _real_ fast."

The next interruption took the form of Matatabi in a smaller form hitting the ground near where the small motley group of weirdos was having a conversation. The flames dissipated and out walked a furious Yugito and a loopy Mei.

She stomped over and kicked Sasuke in the ribs, eliciting pained gasped and silent screams. "What did I tell you? WHAT DID I TELL YOU? Freaking sociopath."

"No, seriously Yugito. He's okay this time."

"Can you hear yourself speak? You sound like an abused girlfriend in denial about her dumbass of a boyfriend."

"He's an asshole. Oh, he is a freaking huge asshole. But he's not going to go on any sprees of villainous shenanigaffery."

"It wasn't villainous. I was just going to- You know what? Forget it. I'm done," Sasuke wheezed out.

"Temari!" Mei shouted rather suddenly. "You're on my stomach."

Temari raised a brow at the loopy, chakra deprived woman. "What?"

"No, I mean, you're on _my_ stomach," Mei responded with eyebrow waggles aplenty.

Temari blushed and hurriedly got off of Naruto's stomach, which brought forth much laughter from the group. Sasuke even huffed air in and out a few times. His sorry excuse for a laugh.

Temari fidgeted a little bit with all eyes on her. "So… is this… okay?"

"Is what okay? Letting this little DOUCHENOZZLE live?" Yugito asked with a sharp insult directed towards the last Uchiha.

"No, I mean…" Temari made a few hand gestures between her and Naruto.

Yugito shrugged. "I don't care."

"Okay," Fu replied.

"Don't see why not," Kurotsuchi said.

"My stomach," Mei said, crawling over to where Naruto was.

Temari beamed silently to herself and stared at the sun peeking over the clouds on that cold, happy morning.

The war was over.

There was going to be an end to widespread hate.

Things were looking up for her.

And as the rest of the group argued and jested and did their best to not die from injuries and wounds, Temari found herself content with just watching the sunrise and thinking about the future.

Her future.

The future of all who were and all who weren't.

And that great big ball of fire that painted the sun pink reminded her of just that.

A new beginning.

And finally,

**The End.**

**AN/ Stick around for the epilogue.**


	42. the epilogue

Chapter 42 – The epilogue

"HYA!... HYO!... FuuoohhooAAHH!" Satsuki paused in her pursuit of the destruction of the training dummy. The thing was already hinging on its last remaining straws and was burned in several key areas.

All fatal, of course.

Her hand swiped out and caught the water bottle that almost hit her in the face. It slammed into her hand with a resounding CRACK. She grinned at that. Her already insane reflexes were getting better and better as the days went on. At the speed the bottle was flying, it would have taken the head off of any normal person.

Not her though, of course.

She looked to the person who threw the bottle. Satsuki's grin subsided when she saw who was standing there, hiding her lengthened and very sharp canines under her lowering lips. They weren't meat tearers like what the Inuzuka had, the canines. They were more needle-like, markers to anyone who didn't already know who she was.

The woman she was looking at had platinum blonde hair corded into a braid that went all the way down to her back. Her choice of attire had lots of lavender and dark blue and were also made to allow for good movement and comfort. Although her face may have finally started showing some age in the form of small lines around her mouth and eyes, her body and attitude hadn't changed in the last 20 or so years.

Her name was Yugito, of course.

"Satsuki…" she said pleasantly enough, though there was definitely the underlying tones of 'what do you think you're doing?' in her voice.

Satsuki was somewhat… abnormal for a teenager at the age of 18. She inherited her mother's hair color, but her father's hair quality. Namely, it was really spiky. She liked to put it into a rough ponytail. Her dad would often say that it looked like his late master's hair, Jiraya. Looking at the photographs that he had of the guy, she couldn't refute his statement. Although she was born with naturally lithe, strong, and supple muscles, leading one to assume that she would wear clothes similar to her mother, she liked to wear armor almost constantly. And not just her jonin flak jacket. Like, actual pieces of metal sewn into and around her clothes, all strategically surrounded with cloth so as to mute them from clanking together. Her most identifying features were, strangely enough, her eyes, ears, mouth, and cheeks. Her eyes had natural slit pupils that were covered by almost neon colored yellow and blue heterochromic irises, her ears were tilted and pointy, her mouth was full of the aforementioned feline-like canines, and her cheeks had whiskers on them.

Actual whiskers, of course.

Long, nerve encoded, white, stiff hairs that poked out of her cheeks. They were as about as long as her father's marks and were titled close to her face, so anyone might think at first sight that they were facial markings. They were, however, actual functioning organs that could read the air and notify her of something that her other organs couldn't.

Suffice to say, everyone in Konoha knew who she was by sight alone.

"What?" the somewhat belligerent teenager asked as her mother approached. You see, her and her mother were embroiled in a bit of an ongoing argument. Satsuki was born with naturally super dense muscles and thusly had trouble controlling her strength at times, mostly when she was training and would accidentally destroy her surroundings.

"I think you know what," Yugito responded with motherly smugness. "You said you would always have a spotter with you at all times when you trained."

"No, _you_ said I would always have a spotter when I trained. _I_ never signed off on that."

Yugito pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and index finger. "Satsuki…"

"What? I know my strength. I'm an adult now."

"Okay, no you aren't," Yugito said very sternly. "You aren't an adult. You're 18. Your brain isn't done developing yet. And second, you caused at least four thousand dollars of property damage last month alone."

"And whose fault is that?" Satsuki said accusingly "I didn't ask to be born with the strength of an elephant," she murmured.

Yugito's sharp hearing picked up on that bit. "But you were. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I used Matatabi as much as I did when you were developing. But in the end, it's _you_ who has to be careful about her surroundings."

Satsuki growled in frustration, something that actually did sound animalistic in nature. "It's just… it's just… so _fucking_ unfair."

"Language," Yugito said with her stern face.

"I know, I know," Satsuki said before taking in a deep breath of air and exhaling slowly. Deciding that it was as good as a time and place as any, she plopped down on the ground and stared up at the sky, with her mother following suit.

After a prolonged period of silence, Yugito decided to speak up. "I love you honey. I hope you know."

Satsuki sighed again. "I know… it's just… hard, sometimes."

Yugito hummed an affirmative. "It's not an easy life you were born into. But at least you were born with strength."

"And you weren't? You were born a Jinchuuriki. I was born _from_ a Jinchuuriki. Not much difference."

"Jinchuuriki weren't _born_ with great strength. Well, I guess they were, but they were born normal people. With normal strength. Normal speed. Normal reflexes… we had to earn our power."

"Geez. Ain't that the thing any kid wants to hear from their parent? 'You aren't normal. Bluh bluhbluh bluh bluh.'"

"Not being normal isn't a bad thing, you know."

"It is if you want to attract people who don't have a furry fetish," Satsuki mumbled.

"That was one, stupid, weird looking guy. And I hope you know-"

"Yes, you warned me about Jiiro. Yes, you warned me that he wasn't my 'soulmate'. Yes yes yes yes. You are, of course, correct mother. All judgments that I make should automatically defer to you," Satsuki said coated with a thick layer of sarcasm.

"You don't have to go so far with that," Yugito said. "Let's get back to topic, shall we… what was it again?"

"My strength."

"Ah yes, your strength. You were born with strength many times more powerful than a normal person's, but you still-"

"Can't control it," Satsuki finished. "We've had this argument before. But I'm telling you, I've gotten better. A lot better. I know my strengths and limits."

"But you can understand why I worry, can't you? Please get a spotter. You could ask Umi or Kon for help. I'm sure they would jump at the opportunity to help you."

"It's not that… I just… want to feel in control," Satsuki finished unsurely.

Yugito laughed dryly under her breath. "I can understand that."

Satsuki looked at her mother questioningly. "How can you? You're always in control. Even with dad. He always listens to you, no matter what."

Yugito quirked an eyebrow at her daughter. "Have you forgotten how I first met your father?"

Satsuki rolled her eyes. "On your wedding day."

"To a _boy_ that I didn't even know. Thirteen years old. Not intimidating in the slightest."

"They made this into a movie, didn't they?" Satsuki interrupted.

"I looked at this kid," Yugito continued on, undeterred "and I thought 'Holy shit, I just may end this twerp's life.'"

"Language," Satsuki mumbled.

"The point is," Yugito said, ignoring the jab at her slightly hypocritical vernacular "that I've only been wholly in control of my life for about 20 or so years. No childhood. No teenagehood. No young adulthood. I was a tool that was used by my village and thrown away to bring the villages together. You have it _so_ much better than I did."

"Did _you_ have to worry about accidentally breaking any cup, bowl, or utensil that you hold onto? Did _you_ have to put up with annoying siblings? Did _you_ have to put up with accidentally hurting people when you only meant to shake their hands, or hug them? Did you have to put up with every single person you meet seeing you as if you were-"

"A freak? Of course I did."

Satsuki looked at her mom confusedly. "But I thought all of Kumo praised you… and thought you were like… a savior or something."

"Maybe very later on, but you have to understand, I was the container of the beast that destroyed part of the village and killed a lot of the general populace. People didn't like me as far as they could throw me."

Satsuki was silent for a little bit. "Man, I don't even know anymore. Life is weird."

"Life is weird," Yugito agreed.

"How did you and dad even get together anyway? Like, _together_ together. Dad just seems so… wimpy."

"Your dad isn't wimpy. He just listens to me because he knows that my judgment is better than his. Doesn't stop him from doing stupid things every now and then, though."

"The question still stands."

Yugito sighed. "My love for your father developed slowly and snuck up on me in the end. I didn't even realize I was in love with him until I was."

"The question still stands."

Yugito sighed again and took a while to answer. "In the end, it was because he understood me. He was a Jinchuuriki, I was a Jinchuuriki. He was always nice and accepting, I was… less so. And he never held that above my head, not once. He was happy when I was happy, sad when I was sad. And he was… there for me. The _only_ constant in my life. And I loved him for it. Plus, he gave me you. And I will always love him for that."

"Even though you were part of a harem? See, I still _really_ don't get that at all."

Child rearing in the shared Uzumaki household was… delicate to say the least. No one really wanted to explain why each mom had 4 sisters all living in the same house and sometimes didn't make it back to their rooms from their father's room, or why they had so many cousins that all looked a lot like them, or why they all called the same guy their father. So, they were given half truths and full lies until the age of 14, where they would be told the truth by their father. And it was a good thing that everyone seemed to have silently agreed that no more children was a good idea, because Naruto never really got the knack for telling his kids that they were the product of a man who practiced polygamy, something they were taught was very immoral in modern society.

They all came to terms with it though, of course.

Yugito shrugged. "You get used to it."

"You do?"

Yugito hmm'd "Well, your father used shadow clones often and used shadow clones well, so it wasn't like I was one to complain."

A giant blush blossomed on Satsuki's cheeks. "Moooomm. Stop it. You're my mom."

"And who do you have to thank for that?"

The blush grew. Satsuki mumbled something.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Dad," Satsuki said sourly.

"Of course."

Yup, that's right. Yugito's daughter decided to put her natural strength and keen mind to become a member of the International Fighting Force. And even though she and her mother argued, Yugito couldn't have been more proud of her if she tried.

00000000

Kurotsuchi slurped up the last remaining vestiges of soup from her bowl and brought it down with a shout of "SECONDS!" Immediately, another bowl of 'surprise flavored ramen' slid in front of her and she began to eat once more with gusto.

Not much had changed for her over the years. She packed on a few pounds from her pregnancy and she wore more 'motherly' clothes, but she retained her more notable traits into adulthood. Her hair was still neck length, she was still rather brutish when it came to heartfelt feelings and conversations, and had a stubborn streak to rival her husband's own.

She was offered the seat of Tsuchikage, but she gave it to Akatsuchi instead so she could focus on rearing her child.

"Geez," said the person dining next to her "still putting it away as always?"

"You know it Tem."

Temari chuckled a little bit at her antics and began slurping up her cooling ramen. Temari grew her hair out a bit over the years; it now was at her upper back if she let it down, though she never did. She didn't know why, she just really liked her quadruple ponytail style.

"So how's the ramen tasting?" the chef asked.

"Great as always, Momo," Kurotsuchi said, spraying half-eaten ramen and broth over the counter.

Momotsuchi sighed a little bit at the uncouthness of her mother and went back to the pot boiling the broth. It turned out that because Naruto had the red hair allele from his mom and Kurotsuchi had the pink hair allele from her mom (something he was surprised to find out that she had), it became plausible that any offspring between the two could have reddish pink hair. And happen it did. Momotsuchi was born with hair a shade darker than Sakura's and unruly enough that she never really bothered much with it. She kept it a lot shorter than her mother ever had. And although her hairstyle was boyish, she would never be confused for a male because of her very feminine frame and face, something that drew the ire and jealousy of any female she became acquainted with

"Don't speak with your mouth full, mom," Momotsuchi said chidingly.

Kurotsuchi paused for a second to pout at her daughter. "But it's so goo~d. How am I supposed to be away from it for even a second?"

"The way you're doing right now?" Temari suggested.

"Special circumstances."

"Yeah, real special."

"Hey, when are you going to pop a kid out? Lord knows you need something better to do than heckling a poor old woman just trying to support her daughter," Kurotsuchi said with crocodile tears.

"Few things: First, I don't ever want a kid. Second, 37 is a bit too old to start thinking about it anyway. Third, you aren't an old woman. Fourth, you're annoying your daughter, not supporting her."

"Aww, don't say that Temari," Momotsuchi said from over her shoulder. "You'd make a wonderful mother. Plus, it's not like dad lacks for time."

Temari cupped her head in one of her hands and stared into the noodly broth, absentmindedly stirring the noodles in lazy swirls. "Honestly, the worst part would be the naming process. I just know Naruto will insist on something to do with flowers. You know your mom and Naruto argued for 2 solid weeks when they had you? He wanted Pinkutsuchi and she wanted anything but that."

"And they settled for Momotsuchi in the end. I know, I've heard it a thousand times."

"Then you also know-"

Temari's train of thought was interrupted when a tanned, green-haired blur slammed into a seat next to Kurotsuchi. The insect wings folded against this blur's back, trying to make it look as inconspicuous as possible. "Hey, Momo," the blur said friendlily.

Momotsuchi looked at the now not so much of a blurred figure exasperatedly. "What did you do this time, Jiraya?"

The man situated on the stool next to Kurotsuchi looked like a near carbon copy of his mother from when she was younger, only he would have towered over her and he was born with insect wings, much like how Satsuki was born with natural strength, whiskers, and all the other stuff. He had short green hair and a frame with good muscle definition. Because of the wings on his back, he rarely wore anything over his torso other than a few belts for keeping things on, and that was only when he had something to carry that he didn't want to get dislodged from his pants. In the end, Fu was ambiguous as to what she wanted to name her boy and accepted Jiraya when it was put forth by Naruto.

"Oh, a little bit of this, a little bit of that," Jiraya said very quickly, not settling on any solid thought for long. With anybody other than him, that might have seemed like a nervous tell, however, anyone who knew him, knew that that was just the way he was, very flitty, very fast in his speech patterns "So watcha talkin about?"

"Baby names, mostly," Momotsuchi supplied.

"Oh, Temari, looks like I can be waiting on another half-sibling, huh? Huh? Huh?" He asked with eyebrow wiggles aplenty.

"You do know that there are two other women of rearing age right next to me? And you also know that I want nothing to do with kids?"

"Ah, Momo ain't gunna settle down. Too tied down with becoming the best ramen chef in existence."

"Damn straight," Momotsuchi said with a nod, allowing for a moment of uncouthness to slip out of her normally calm and polite disposition.

"And Kuro ain't gunna go for another either. Too" he stopped to make whistley sounds as he rolled his eyes and made finger motions like there was a fly in the air "scattered. Wants to focus her energy on Momo. No time for another kid."

Kurotsuchi blushed a little bit and didn't raise her head from her ramen. She still had a little bit of tsundere in her blood, it seemed.

"But you, you're perfect for a' rearin. Bit hard, but just soft enough. Disposition-wise, of course. I'm not trying to make insinuations here."

Temari sweatdropped. "Geez, thanks Jiraya. And what are you doing here anyway? Don't you have your courier business to take care of?"

Jiraya got a bit nervous at the mention of his business. "Ahahaha," he laughed nervously "'bout that… I was actually on my way toURK"

His babbly stream of words was cut short when a hand reached through the curtains, grabbed him by the nape of his neck, and pulled him out very quickly.

Kurotsuchi and Temari poked their heads through the curtain to make sure he was still alive with minimal effort and saw Fu, if her skin were darker and had more wings jutting out of her back than usual.

"Hey Chomei," Kurotsuchi greeted as if her… let's call it 'motherly chastisement' was just another daily occurrence.

Because it was.

"So what'd he do this time?"

Chomei turned slowly to face the two women with anger pouring out of all orfices. "He did _this _to me," she growled out, pointing to her face. On it, were markings of phallus symbols ejaculating seminal fluid all over her face done in permanent marker. Not just in the standard black either. He got the whole rainbow of dicks on her face without her noticing.

Naturally, Kurotsuchi and Temari spent the next several minutes busting a gut at the hilarious defacement of one of the most powerful beings in the world while said powerful being beat the crap out of her adult son-by-proxy. Even Momotsuchi had to vacate the kitchen to see what was going on outside her ramen stand, which she managed to contain her laughter from, if only just barely.

Yup, that's right. Kurotsuchi's daughter decided to become a chef and create the best tasting ramen in the world. While Fu's son decided to open up a courier business, picking up and sending packages all across the elemental nations. Since he was so fast, he made quite a mint too. Even though Momotsuchi rejected becoming a shinobi and even though Jiraya had a bit of a prank streak, their parents loved them unconditionally and were proud with what they accomplished.

00000000

"Hey Daddy, why's bro on the stone?"

"Hm?" Naruto asked, looking at the tombstone in front of him. Realizing that the little boy who was pointing at the stone didn't know who was buried beneath it, Naruto smiled a little and ruffled his hair. "Well, it's kinda a long story. But the Jiraya buried here is a different Jiraya than your brother."

"Different?"

"Mmhmm. The Jiraya buried here was an old, lecherous man, who was very brave and very gutsy."

"Maaaahhh," a little girl of about 11 years whined next to him and began tugging on his clothes. "Daddy, this is booooorrring. Why're we here anyway?"

"Because honey," an older woman with auburn hair that reached to the small of her back said, kneeling next to her and bringing her in for a hug. "Today is daddy's and mommy's anniversary."

"aahh, really?" she asked, a little surprised. "Then what're we doing here? Aren't graves sad?"

"Mmm, I guess, a little bit," Mei said softly. "But this spot right here has the best view of the sun in all of Konoha."

These two children's names were Umi and Kon, belonging to the girl and boy respectively. They were twins and both shared the same dirty blonde hair and bouncy personalities. Kon decided from very early in life that he didn't want to fight ('cuz he sucked at it), while fighting seemed to be the only thing Umi wanted to do. It didn't help that her father's potent wind release merged with her mother's lava release and gave her dust release. When Kurotsuchi found out that Mei's lava release got her child dust release while her child got nothing from her lava release, she was pretty annoyed for a few weeks.

Mei also had a dozing week old baby snoozing in the crutch of her arm, burritoed up in a cotton blanket with starch blonde hair in a small tuft on the top of his head. Naruto and Mei still didn't have any names for him. He was going to be the last child of the Uzumaki household and Naruto wanted something grand, while Mei wanted something nice and humble. If she were to be honest though, she'd have to say that she was coming around to the name Minato.

All five of them were on top of the monument, on Naruto's earthen head, next to Jiraya's grave, looking at the beautiful sunset.

It was a nice moment for the two seconds it lasted until Kon got antsy and challenged his twin sister to a game of tag, which she took way too seriously immediately and hurt him accidentally. He started crying, then Mei chastised Umi, which made her cry, which made the baby in Mei's arms cry.

Mei started bouncing the baby up and down, trying to get it to stop crying. Naruto did a hand motion for 'I'll handle this' to Mei, and picked up Umi and Kon in either arms, then sat then down on either side of him in front of his master's grave. "Now, I wanna tell you two a true story."

They both stopped crying for the most part. Though they were still sniffling and sending death glares by the time he started his story.

"Once, there was a man who was born into a world that only knew of pain and hardship," Naruto looked down to make sure they were still listening. Neither would look at the other and both had their arms crossed, but Naruto knew that they were listening from his fatherly intuition.

"This man's name was Jiraya. He wasn't born into an especially wealthy family, nor an especially poor family. He wasn't very smart, and he had bad grades in the academy. Even so, he became one of the greatest shinobi of all time."

They both started to pay attention a little more in earnest, even if they tried their hardest to feign disinterest. Naruto smiled. He really liked that part about being a dad; about knowing exactly what his kids were thinking when they were angry.

"How did he become the greatest shinobi of all time, you ask? He had a fantastic teacher and great friends, people that he loved and he wanted to protect at all costs. And it was that feeling of wanting to protect the people that he loved that motivated him to make the world a peaceful, better place for them to live. He loved them because they were family. Just like you two are to each other."

"So?" Kon asked. "The world's already peaceful 'n stuff. An' I dun wanna be a shinobi. 'Specially not to protect _her_," Kon punctuated that remark by sticking his tongue out at Umi. She growled at him menacingly and pounced on him, but was caught by Naruto before she could make contact with her twin.

"A-Anyway- Anyway…" Naruto stuttered out, trying to keep his growing kids from pulling each other apart and keep them sat down. "Anyway, the point about family is," Naruto grabbed them from the nape of their necks and forcibly sat them down. He put his serious face on and looked at both of them in the eyes. "The point about family is, that you share a bond that cannot be broken. Because you share this bond, you can _never_ give up on them."

They both pouted and refused to meet their father's eyes.

Naruto flashed them his million watt smile. "'Cuz I'm your dad, I'll always love you. No matter what you do, I'll never give up on you. That's what a family is."

"And how." Mei said, coming back into the fold with the unnamed snoozing baby resting in the crook of her arm.

Looking at the sun draw to a close on the horizon, Naruto grabbed all four of them and brought them all into one giant fatherly hug.

And he smiled, because he was happy. Because there were ups and downs over the last twenty years since he, Sasuke, and Sakura stopped Lady Kagura. Because he was a proud dad to so many wonderful kids and a happy husband to his wives. Because the sunset looked beautiful. Because… just because.

In fact, that little moment would have made a wonderful ending to this story.

But no, this is the epilogue. It ended last chapter.

"Hey guys!"

Naruto and co. were snapped out of their reverie by the excited voice of a certain bug girl who poked her head out from under the lip of the earthen head they were sitting on.

"Guess what I found!"

Naruto sweatdropped. "I don't know Fu, what did you find?"

Fu raised her hand up in the air, which was clutching a long, thin blade that glimmered a slight green in the sun.

Naruto's eyebrows shot into his hairline from surprise. "Is that the Kusanagi?" he asked, flabbergasted.

Fu smiled a wicked smile. "And that's not all," she said "but if think that it would be best for everyone to hear the rest of it back home."

Naruto put his face in his hands. "Does that mean…"

"Yup," she said ecstatically. "I'm calling the Fourth Uzumaki-Nii-Sabaku-Terumi-Tsuchi-Fu Family meeting."

All five (including the baby) blanched at such the suggestion. None of their family meetings ended with anything less than broken limbs and shouting matches that last for weeks on end.

The Uzumaki family might be a well-knit, very loving family, but holy shit, they could shout out a pack of howler monkeys if they worked together.

If Fu was calling one, that meant something serious.

Naruto sighed in the fatherliest way possible and stood up with Umi and Kon in either arm. "Looks like our anniversary is going to be cut short," he said to Mei.

She sighed a little bit with a light smile on her face. "I'm getting too old for this shhhh…tuff. I'm getting too old for this stuff."

"Could have fooled me," Naruto said huskily.

Umi and Kon "Ewwed" and "Grossed" and he laughed and Mei blushed and they all made their way down to their compounds.

Nothing's ever really finished. Every end has a new beginning.

But this is an epilogue, not a prologue. Sadly, you won't be hearing this tale. Just be happy knowing that it all works its way out in the end.

**AN/**

**I don't want to say much.**

**I just want to thank everyone who read this story. I want to thank everyone who read from the first chapter to now and everyone who's reading only this last chapter. I want to thank everyone who got on halfway and who left halfway. I want to thank even the people who stopped reading through the first chapter, deciding that it wasn't the story for them.**

**I want to thank everyone who reviewed. More than a thousand have been sent in and I have read every single one of them.**

**Some made me sad.**

**Some made me happy.**

**Some flamed.**

**Some gave good criticism.**

**Some gave advice.**

**And some were completely illegible.**

**I just want to thank you. Everyone who mustered up the courage to send a few words of advice or discouragement my way. Every single one of those helped shape the story into what it is now.**

**So thank you.**

**Have a gentlemanly day.**

**Have a gentlemanly week.**

**Have a gentlemanly year.**

**But most importantly,**

**Have a gentlemanly life.**


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